Ask us questions we have no good answer to.
Examples:
-Do I look fat in these jeans? (The truth: yes)
-How does my hair look? (The Truth: A birds nest on uppers)
But to answer truthfully, is the equivalent of a capital offense! So we answer NO, like a good supportive partner does. And we get this response.
"Great, I can't even count on you to be honest with me!"
Ask us to clean up after ourselves, but then don't give us time to do it.
OK, so we move a little more slowly than you'd like. That's fair. But that doesn't mean we don't intend to do it. Give us time. It's one of the few things we need to build momentum for.
Leave out important information.
While growing up our mothers would yell at us to put the toilet seat up. Obviously this was for a good reason. Little boys have notoriously bad aim. (Except when throwing snow balls. But we digress!) So we tried as hard as little boys can try.
Years later, our girlfriends told us to put the seat down!! Then we were totally confused. Should we believe our mothers or our girlfriends?? It wasn't until years later that we figured it out.
The toilet seat goes up. We pee. Toilet seat goes down.
Yes, we're dense. Please say exactly what you mean and you'll be happier with us.
Tell us we can call and then don't answer. Ever!
We know we can be pests. But we're literal beings. If you tell us we can call then you're telling us you'll answer….and that we have a chance.
We realize this is an easy way to blow us off, but a good old fashioned, "NO" is preferable. Our fragile egos are like the Planaria heads we used to cut off in science class. Somehow they keep growing back!
Want their own space, but get upset if we go out with our buddies.
We know you want to be independent. You want ladies night out, to hang with your friends, see a chick flick and talk relationships. But if we use that same night to go out with our buddies, somehow that never seems to sit right with you. Often we're doing exactly what you're doing. And god forbid we go out on a night you're home alone. We hear, "Do you like hanging out with your friends more than me?"
(Married Women Who Want to Be Home with The Kids) Wish we made more money, but get annoyed that we're never home.
The two are usually mutually exclusive. To have more money, means we're home less. It means we have to take a job that requires travel. Or requires us to leave at 6am and get home at 8pm, tired and grumpy. Otherwise, we're around more and have more time to spend with the family. What should we do? Please advise.
Like cats so much.
Especially because your cats don't like us. And sometimes you choose your cats over us? Why?? We can be trained to go potty in a box too!
Want us to be nice, but not really.
All we ever hear from our single girlfriends is, "We just want to meet a nice guy." Then when they meet a nice guy, they say he's too nice. What's the deal?
Want us to help, but then get upset when we offer.
Here's the conversation we have with you:
You, "Boy what a pain this is. I can't stand painting."
Us, "Do you want us to help?"
You, "What, do you think I'm not capable of painting?!"
Us, "But you just said……forget it."
(We're counting on our female readers to enlighten our male readers.
Please leave us a comment or answer some of these confusing
questions.)
This post was inspired by a friend: www.alittlegirltalk.com who posted the Top Ten rules for GUYS. Check it out.
THE GUYS
HOT or NOT?
Online Dating: HOT
After hearing success story after success story from our online and offline friends, we must conclude that online dating has arrived as a viable alternative to smoky, or not so smoky bars. Sure, we all hope to meet someone in a casual, natural setting. In a word, "spontaneously." However, life intervenes sometimes. This would be called: a job! In this day and age when money is tight and housing is expensive we are all working more and more. And so, going out casually 2-3 times a week just doesn't happen as much. Online shopping, fills that void perfectly. Did we say shopping? Yes, because that's what it's like. Scrolling through profile after profile is just like shopping for that perfect gift. Except this gift you get to keep for yourself. So GO FOR IT!!
School Buses: NOT
Expectant parents spend hours online researching the safest car seat. They ask friends, and seek advice from those "in the know." When they finally choose that extra special deluxe version, their job has only just begun. Now the installation process begins, often ending at the local police station for professional consultation or actual installation. Safety is probably the highest priority for parents of young kids. So help us understand something. Why do all of us happily smile and wave as our kids get on school buses across the country? This is a vehicle containing, no car seats or no seat belts of any kind? It remains a mystery to THE GUYS.
And of course, our number one nemesis on the road is the dreaded school bus. If you're in a rush, be prepared for one of these yellow submarines to unexpectedly turn right in front of you. Now you are really late!!
Spontaneity: HOT
We recently saw a chick flick. Yes, our partners were happy. Hey, it's all about give and take. Anyway, in this movie the couple goes to the airport without an itinerary and buys tickets on the first plane out of there! WOW!!! Not only does that sound fun, but very creative. Now the key here is injecting that type of spontaneity into our daily lives without having to go to the airport. We need to think outside the box people. OK, so here's example of what we're NOT talking about. (You're in the car driving) "Hey honey, do you want to go to Starbucks instead of Dunkin' Donuts? You know just to mix things up a bit?" When we say be creative, we really mean be CREATIVE!!!
Kanye West: NOT
By now we all now this "Guy" behaved badly. Just about everyone is talking about it. And we'll jump on that bandwagon for sure. What he did was pretty lame to say the least!!! And he should be publicly reprimanded for his behavior. But that's not our biggest beef with Kanye. When his first two records came out we thought he was hip, unique, fresh and funky. But since "Goldigger" he hasn't released one good song. Not anything remotely creative. Sure people still buy his stuff because he made a name for himself. But right now he's either coasting or he's already done. Either way, he's gotten too big for his bitches……oops, we mean britches……….
Mini Vans: HOT
OK, hold on before you scream. Yes, we know that these are the equivalent of a 16th century castration to most GUYS. BUT, have you ever actually ridden in one? These vehicles drive like cars, unlike their distant cousins the SUVs, that feel like small tanks. And minivans can hold 7-8 people comfortably while still hauling luggage for everyone. We're not sure why we don't see more touring bands using these utilitarian vehicles. The seats come out easily to hold amps, drums, guitars and more. Or if you're feeling "randy" they work for that too! But we just use them to haul the local soccer team around.
Divorce for anyone: NOT
OK, THE GUYS have some friends going through this process. Tough stuff. No one ever goes into a marriage thinking one day it will end. Sometimes life happens. It's never an easy decision, even if a person wants to leave. And of course, if there are kids involved, the decision is even harder. So nothing funny here. Just plain sadness.
Presents: HOT
Why wait until a holiday or birthday? Come home with a surprise present for your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend. Nothing too extravagant, but something thoughtful. Not flowers. Not chocolate. Although, those are nice. We can't answer it for you, but you'll figure it out. Be spontaneous, it will come to you. Do you sense a theme here? Get CREATIVE!
Being Present: THE HOTTEST
We live in a fast forward world. "I can't wait for the weekend!" "I can't wait until the kids are older!" "I can't wait until I get that bonus" "When we get in that new house things are going to be great!" Guess what? The only thing that all these statements have in common is by the time these things happen, you'll be older. And when you try to remember all that actually happened you'll realize you missed it. Stop people. This is so difficult for us too, and something we struggle with all the time. But enjoy the moment. No other way to live! TRULY!
Divorce for GUYS: (Tune in on Wednesday to see if this is Hot or Not?
Raising Your Level of Mediocrity: This Friday!
THE GUYS