The Guy’s Perspective

Dear Guys,

Short bio about me (to get the best picture): 24, student, decently attractive brunette, in pretty good shape, smart (sometimes can be too smart for my own good), thoughtful of others, sarcastic, and get along with most everyone, no enemies, & I’m sure ya hear this a lot, but I am not your typical woman- I mean that in the sense that I am very laid back, not caddy like most, don’t easily get jealous, and won’t breathe down your neck, etc. It’s actually one of the most common comments I hear from the fellows. I do over think things and can be suspicious like most women, but the only people that know that I even feel that way are my close girlfriends that I share those thoughts with. Guys never suspect it. I’ve always been the faithful relationship type since early HS, but I haven’t had much luck lately in the last few years. I seem to most often attract or am attracted to the guys that are unavailable-whether it’s emotionally, physically, in a relationship already, commitment issues, not at that point in their life, and have even had a few stalkers…unavailable nonetheless. Have had a fair share of offers lately, but none that I was really interested in; mostly from “boys” just looking to have a casual good time with a pretty girl- not really my thing. More interested in sharing my company with a man- more mature, looking for long term, no game playing, a real honest gentleman. Not really asking a lot. You could say it’s been a little while since I’ve had those butterfly feelings for a guy.

The story: Met someone yesterday, at Goodwill of all places, he was actually volunteering by choice (yes, that story pans out). He was my age, good looking, in grad-school, was very gentleman-like, mature, smiled a lot- seemed to have pretty much every quality important to me and gave me the vibe as being at that stage where he was ready to meet someone seriously. I even noticed he was nervous (hand was a little shaky, clearing his throat) he actually dropped a book and was a little embarrassed- it was extremely adorable! I felt equally nervous and actually got the butterfly feeling for the first time in a really long time. I felt like I could say or do something so stupid at any moment. We had a decent conversation and a few laughs. When he needed to go back to work, he told me that he really would like to take me out soon and asked for my info; I gave him my contact info and said I would really like that. No games, no playing hard to get- just straight and to the point. I left shortly after, and not even an hour later, he sent me a text to affirm his intentions of taking me out and wanting to get to know me. I playfully joked about how quickly he texted me, sent a smiley face, and said I would really like that. He responded “Haha, well I have no reason to hesitate,” I said I agreed and that I was just giving him a hard time.

*THIS is where I start getting confused. He says, “Oooohhhh, you’re one of those girls.” I am thinking he is being playful back at this point. I ask him “Haha, What kind of girl is that?” and he says, “I can’t say.” I attempt to playfully continue the conversation (1 msg), but I’m left in silence after that. After an hour of nothing said in return, I start to think I said something wrong or maybe he misunderstood me. So I just calmly break the silence and say “Well, I am hoping that wasn’t implied in a negative way. Anyway, I would definitely be interested in going out sometime soon and getting to know you.” There wasn’t a response back and nor did I say anything else for the rest of the night.

This is the first time in a really long time that this has happened to me, but you could say that my brain has officially been ninja’d. I have tried not to think about it, but the scenario keeps playing over and over in my head and am so confused. By 3 PM today, I still had not heard from him, I didn’t want to be the one to text but I’m really not up for game playing, so I gave myself an excuse to go ahead and text him. I just said, “Hey there. I don’t know if you will be volunteering at Goodwill today, but I am about to stop by there here in a little bit to check out an old book on travel that I saw yesterday for a friend since they don’t get off work until 10.” 30 minutes later he replied, “Hey lady. No not volunteering, I took my boat out to the lake today. But I will take you up on going out soon.” (Which I’m also confused about, because he has seemed to turn the tables on me…don’t really know the point of doing that). So I just replied, “Oh, very nice! I’ll be doing that myself this coming weekend. Well have fun, and I will talk to you later then. ” And that’s it.

Could you maybe give me some insight on what exactly is going on in this scenario. I guess I am just confused on why a guy that couldn’t wait even an hour after I left to contact me, and was physically nervous when talking to me, is now all of a sudden kind of giving me the cold shoulder…? I have been out of the dating game for a little while and am obviously a little rusty. Any help you could give me would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Lindsay

Dear Lindsay,

Thanks for writing.

First of all, congrats on that butterfly feeling again. That’s a lot of fun. And it sounds like he felt it too.

The rest…well, that’s a bummer. OK, first of all, texting, emailing and “Facebooking” are always ripe for problems. Without being able to read body language or hear inflections in the voice, etc. the words are open for interpretation or misinterpretation. And that’s where problems occur. This is exactly what’s happened in your case. By him. And then by you.

By his reaction he’s obviously had some bad experience with a certain type of woman he defines as, “One of those girls.” That alone shows a major lack of maturity and experience though. (We know you said he was totally cool.) But to stereotype someone before you even go on a date, joking or not, is a red flag. Or it could just be the text thing again.

So here’s our advice. Sit on it. Do not text him again. And do not let him reverse this. He should pursue you, period. Don’t go to the store. Don’t do anything. If nothing happens, chalk it up to a lesson learned. Or maybe chalk it up to bad luck. Or maybe chalk it up to, “I thought it was great, but it really wasn’t.”

If he does call and it gets weird again, bag it. Really, it’s not worth it. If you do go out, temper your excitement, and just see how it goes. It might all work itself out, but take it one step at a time.

Listen Lindsay, you sound like a cool girl, who’s got her stuff together. There are plenty of cool guys out there, who will appreciate you even if you are “one of those girls.” (Just kidding.) And what the hell does that even mean, “one of those girls???”

And as far as we’re concerned,  it’s okay if you “overthink” things occasionally, or are a bit suspicious of guys. We’ve earned our reputation. But try to keep an open mind. We’re not all like that.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. Maybe you should go after a nerd? Just sayin’!

To ask THE GUYS a question, drop us a line on the “Ask the Guys” page on this website.

We also answer questions on our podcast. Check it out on “Podcast” page or on itunes. And we’ll be coming soon to Zune as well.

Back Story:

Bob and Torrie are still together. Bob is now living with George and Dan.

George was married, but is splitting up with his wife. Actually he was kicked out.

Dan also had to move out of his parents’ house for certain transgressions.

Bob and George are at a speed dating luncheon.

Bob: George, why did you drag me here? If Torrie finds out she’s going to kill me.

George: C’mon Bob. I didn’t want to look like a loser coming alone.

Bob: Well, what do you think everyone’s here for? Everyone is single and alone. That’s the point!

George: Well, it’s just comforting having you here. I know you’ve got my back.

Bob: OK, I guess. One thing’s for sure, this will be interesting.

Moderator: OK folks, let’s get started. I think you know how this works. You get 5 minutes with each person. Try to get past small talk as quickly as you can. That way you can get a good sense of who the person really is. OK, are we ready?

Everyone nods.

Moderator: OK, here we go!!

Bob and George sit down with at different tables. We start with Bob.

Bob: Hi, how are you? I’m…..

Woman:(Cuts him off) How much money do you make?

Bob: Excuse me?

Woman: The moderator said, skip the small talk, so I am. How much money do you make?

Bob: You aren’t even going to ask me my name?

Woman: Nope. It’s not important. All that’s important to me is how much you make. Don’t waste my time if it’s less than six figures.

Bob: Wow, you’re a pleasant sort aren’t you? What’s your name?

Woman: (Ignores him) So do you make six figures or not?

Bob: Well, I happen to be an aspiring artist who…..(She cuts him off again)

Woman: Well good for you….. Next!

Bob: What do you mean next?  How do you know I don’t make six figures?

Woman: Oh please. You’re an artist! And look how you’re dressed. No chance!

Bob looks down at himself.

Bob: What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?

Silence.

Bob: You’re really not going to talk to me?

Silence.

Bob: (Sarcastically) Boy, I’m so happy to have met you……..(Note to self) Kill George!!

Meanwhile George is having a grand time. WE catch them in mid-conversation.

George: Well your job sounds like a blast. Except your boss of course. He sounds like a real piece of work.

Angie(His partner): Well he got “HIS” in the end.

George: What do you mean?

Angie: Well I told you my boss had been hitting on me since I started working there. He just wouldn’t leave me alone. So one night we had an office party. I slipped a little extra something in his drink. Then I held his hand and led him into his office pretending I was going to give him what he wanted.

George: You are bad!

Angie: Well, I’m still getting to the good part.

George: That wasn’t the good part?

Angie: No….So once the drugs kicked in, he passed out I cranked the Air Conditioning so it was freezing in there. I pulled down his pants and let him lie there for a bit. You know SHRINKAGE……Then I took some photos.

George: Really? Uh…..

Angie: Yep. Then I put the pics on the work online bulletin board.

George: But couldn’t you get in trouble for that?

Angie: Yeah, except he can’t remember a thing. And no one else saw anything. He’s also too embarrassed by the whole thing to even say anything. The pictures weren’t very flattering if you know what I mean.

George: Ummm…..I guess so…….

Angie: I just don’t like sleazy guys. You know the type. Always checking out women. Maybe into porn. Cheat……I’d do a lot worse if I caught my boyfriend cheating or something.

George gulps……..

Angie: But, you seem like a nice guy. So what are your interests? What do you like to do with your free time?

George: Uhh…….

Moderator rings bell

Moderator: OK, next table.

Angie: Nice to have met you. I’m going to mark you down as someone I’d like to see again. Hope you do the same.

George: Uh, yeah sure. See ya.

George gives Bob a look. Bob nods in pain. They meet another seven women each. An hour goes by.

Moderator rings final bell.

Moderator:Thank you everyone. Please put your cards in the box and we’ll let you know if you have any matches. Good luck!

Bob and George get out of there fast.

Bob: Thank god that’s over! Out of the hour we were there, I must have sat in silence for half of it.

George: What?

Bob: Forget it. So did you meet anyone interesting?

George: Yeah, interesting, but Psycho!……Sorry Bob, this was a bad idea.

Bob: Don’t think you’re getting off that easy. You owe me big time.

George: Fine, I’ll buy dinner.

Bob looks at him with that “this better be good” look.

George: OK, Yes, I’ll take you to your favorite restaurant, “Sprouts Paradise”

Bob: All is forgiven.

Here’s the rundown of our show:

Pet Peeves: Sai sees the cup as half full and makes the best of it.

Ask the Guys: Reflections on race and dating.

Father stories: The honeymoon dilemma and Daddy Day Camp.

Stream of Consciousness: Suckers to soccer by way of France.

THE MEAT: If good fences make good neighbors, can good neighbors make good meatballs?

Our podcast review contest is still going on. We’ll be wrapping it up in two weeks. We still need a few more reviews before we pick the name randomly of one person who’ll get a piece of our merchandise.

Please join in. Thanks!

And don’t be shy. Share a “Father Story” with us, or ask us a question.

TGP Podcast Episode 6: Dribbling, Dating and Dilemmas [ 42:29 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Dear Guys,

My husband takes an annual celebrity golf trip where no wives are supposed to go. He has told me there is nothing much for us to do. While up there, the men get all meals paid for, comps to strip clubs if they want, and are transported  to local bars in limos everywhere.

The last trip he made before we dated/got married, as this was in the same year, a female friend known to be provocative and an attention grabber, had just broken up again with her fiance and was in the area with six of her friends. She called my now husband and partied with them for about six hours. This same woman left a message on his My Space page when she did know we were dating and about to be engaged. She wrote, “You’re alone, and so am I..  And no engagement is going to change that.. Let’s go out and party one last time before we both walk down the aisle of hell”.

I asked him to take down his page, which he did, and he has also not gone to the golf tournament either. She knows when it is every year and according to my husband, he says there are only six bars in Buffalo anyway, so they would have run into them at some point anyway.. And did I mention this chick hooked up with one of the guys? Am I wrong to ask him to take down his My Space when he is 40 and she was 27 when it happened? Yes it is a trust issue.

This woman left other comments as well to make me think she wanted him. That in conjunction with her behavior made me uneasy. My husband says if he saw her out up there he would leave the bar she was at. I don’t know. He thinks I am wrong because this happened before we were married. And dare I mention that this same chick went out with them to a strip club and had a 40 minute lap dance while he was at a bachelor party? Again another place and time where wives and girlfriends didn’t go.

What do you think?

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Thanks for writing. This is a lot to absorb. We’ll do our best to help you figure this out.

We’re not exactly sure what’s going on by your note, but here’s what we think you’re asking. Should he have taken down his My Space page? Should he not have any interaction with this woman? Or should he not go to any more of these “golf” weekends? Or all of the above?

First of all, this is absolutely a trust issue, mainly on your part. So why are you feeling so unsure about your husband?  Since you’ve been married has your husband given you any reason to doubt his faithfulness? You don’t really say. Jennifer, what happened before you two were exclusive is really none of your business. Well, that’s not totally true, but it’s only your business if it impacts your relationship. Otherwise it’s just part of the many experiences that make your husband who he is. And that’s someone you love, right?

We agree, this woman seems like bad news, at least for your relationship. We don’t know her personally, so she might be a perfectly fine person, but she’s obviously attracted to your husband, or she’s attracted to the fact that he’s not available to her. Either way, he needs to stay away from her and make it clear to her that he’s not interested and not available. Hopefully she’ll get the hint and keep her distance.

Otherwise it doesn’t seem like your husband is really doing anything wrong. Of course many woman wouldn’t be comfortable with him going on a weekend outing, visiting strip clubs, and doing what some guys like to do, but if that’s not a problem for you, it’s not something that’s inherently wrong. As long as he’s not doing anything more than looking and hollering.

His My Space doesn’t seem like a big deal. It’s more a matter of WHY he has one, wouldn’t you say? If he’s trolling for women or keeping his options open, that’s a major problem. But if he’s there to socialize a bit or promote his band, or just because it’s fun, it’s probably harmless enough.

So the the question is, do you trust him?

Jennifer, you two need to have a sit down and hash all this stuff out with him. It will put your mind at ease, and help him understand where you’re coming from. Don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind. You’re entitled to your feelings, but don’t put him on the defensive. Let him have his say too.

Good luck and keep us posted. We hope you get the answers you need.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. To ask THE GUYS a question, go to the “Ask the Guys” page and leave us a note.

Dear Guys,

So, there’s this guy that I like. He’s a little bit younger than me, but we’re pretty much on the same maturity level. He acts kind of flirty with me – in my opinion- he’s always touching me – on the arm, my back, my side, anywhere – and he’s constantly making sexual references or even references to us possibly having kids in the future. He’ll often ditch his guys to hang out with me for hours and he’s really sweet. When he’s around them, that’s when he’s more sexual. It seems like he’s flirting but here’s the thing, he’s also one of my good friends.

Where does the friendship end and the flirting begin? And if he doesn’t like me, how do I get him to tone it down?

Kayla

Dear Kayla,

Thanks for writing. Your situation, although tricky, is not that uncommon. Becoming romantically involved with someone who has always just been a friend can actually be a natural progression. It’s not always the way it works, but if it does progress that way, you may end up with an ideal partner; someone you love, who is also your best friend.

The question becomes, how do you let this guy know you want something more? Or do you wait until he decides he wants something more?

Relationships always involve some sort of risk. Often it’s an emotional risk, like a broken heart. In your case, you also risk losing a close friend if it doesn’t work out. Is that worth it to you? This is something you have to decide. For us, love seems worth the risk. But that’s just us.

This guy is definitely into you, or he’s playing huge mind games with you. Touching you, ditching his friends, making sexual references and talking about having kids with you, are all signs that he wants more from you than just friendship. But it also sounds like he’s afraid to take the leap into that unknown place full of risk, which is kind of lame from our point of view. However that’s the way it goes sometime. So guess what Kayla. It sounds like it’s going to be up to you to take the leap. Someone has to. (This is very similar to the advice we gave in our last post. See our answer.)

You don’t say how old you are so we can’t give you advice on the best way to approach him. But being direct has always worked for us. It’s fast and it’s clear. And if it works out, it will be great. If it doesn’t, it will be over quickly and you can start moving on.

Good luck and keep us posted on how it works out.

Yours,

THE GUYS

While THE GUYS are regrouping a bit this summer, we’re posting some of the highlights from the “Bob the Vegan” series. Enjoy.

This was the third episode.

Episode 1: We introduce Bob and Torrie. He becomes a vegan.

Episode 2: Bob is having a hard time. He gets revenge with the lawn mower.

And now, Episode 3: (George is one of his best buddies.)

Bob is home. He calls up George.

George: Hello!

Bob: George, I just can’t take it any more!

George: Bob, is that you?

Bob: Yes, it’s me and I just  can’t do it.

George: Hold on, slow down a minute. What are you talking about?

Bob: I’ve been cheating. Cheating on Torrie.

George: What do you mean cheating? How could you?

Bob: I don’t mean with other women. I mean eating. The other day I had a hot dog and today I had ribs. In fact I just finished a huge plate of ribs smothered in BBQ sauce.

George: Oh that Vegan thing. Well I don’t blame you. No one but you could have lasted even this long. I could never do it. What are you going to say to Torrie?

Bob: You mean I have to tell Torrie? She’ll break up with me for sure if I tell her.

George: Well, if you don’t tell her, she’s going to find out anyway.

Bob: But, how’s she going to find out?

George: Women always find out. You know that, right?

Bob: Well what should I do?

George: Besides being honest?

Bob: Yeah.

George: I have no idea.

Bob: C’mon George, help me!

George: Well let me think…Hmmm…….. Only one thing comes to mind.

Bob: Tell me. Please!!

George: Well, back a few years I was friends with this guy. He told me about a time he was dating two girls at once.

Bob: Sounds like a scoundrel. I would never do that.

George: Yes, he was a total scoundrel in many ways. That’s why we’re not friends anymore. Anyway, he says he was dating these two girls. Girl # 1 and Girl # 2. Well that’s how he described them. One night he told Girl #1 he was going to play poker with his buddies, but he was really going to the movies with Girl #2.

Bob: Sounds like trouble.

George: Doesn’t it? Anyway, while leaving the theater with Girl # 2 he saw Girl #1 also leaving the same theater. He couldn’t believe his bad luck. He tried to sneak away without her seeing him, but it was not to be. Somehow they made eye contact.

Bob: Uh,oh. Busted.

George: You would think. But he said when Girl #1 confronted him later, he just kept repeating, “It wasn’t me.” Every time she accused him or yelled or cried he kept repeating, “It wasn’t me.” Finally after days of this, he wore her down until she believed him.

Bob: Well that’s just wrong.

George: I know but he swears it worked.The key is to say it with conviction. And never, ever waver, no matter what happens.

Bob: We’ll I’m not sure how that……..

Doorbell rings. Bob panics.

Bob: George, I gotta run. Torrie’s here. I gotta rinse the BBQ sauce out of my mouth and find some gum.Thanks for listening.

George: Good luck.

Bob answers the door in a minute.

Bob: Hi Honey

Torrie: Hi. What took you so long?

Bob: Oh, I was just in the bathroom.

They hug and kiss lightly. Torrie comes in and sits down at the kitchen table across from Bob.

Bob: It’s great to see you. You look amazing!

Torrie: Thanks that’s sweet……..You know Bob, I’ve been thinking. We’ve been having some trouble recently and I think some of it is my fault. You’ve been so great about this Vegan thing. Most guys would have said forget it. But you stuck with me even though it was hard. As you know, I haven’t always picked the nicest of guys and I’ve had some bad luck too. You’re such a breath of fresh air. So supportive, loving and honest. Let’s just forget the Vegan thing. I can see you’re not a pig like the rest of the guys I’ve dated, so why don’t you go ahead and eat whatever you’d like.

Bob: Really? You mean that?

Torrie: I do. And not only that. Up til now I haven’t really opened up to you. But I see how wonderful you are. I really can trust you. So I plan on making you a very happy man.

Bob: Wow, I’m speechless.

Torrie goes over to Bob. She stops.

Torrie: What’s that on your shirt?

Bob: What?

Torrie: That stain. It looks like BBQ sauce?

Bob: What stain?

Torrie: That stain, right there.

She points.

Bob: Uhh, well, that’s not BBQ sauce.

Torrie: Well what is it? It sure looks like BBQ sauce.

Bob: It’s not BBQ sauce.

Torrie: Bob, you’re lying to me.

Bob: No. It’s not BBQ sauce.

Torrie: Bob, you’re a terrible liar. Have you been cheating this whole time?

Bob: It wasn’t me.

Torrie: What did you say?

Bob: It wasn’t me.

Torrie: What are you talking about?

Bob: It wasn’t me.

Torrie: Bob, stop saying that. That makes no sense.

Bob:  It wasn’t me… It wasn’t me.

Torrie: Oh my god, you are really being annoying.

Bob: It wasn’t me.

Torrie: Bob if you don’t shut up with that “It wasn’t me” crap, I’m going to scream.
Is that BBQ sauce or not?

Bob:(braces himself) It wasn’t me.

Torrie: You really are a milquetoast, you know that. Goodbye Bob. I can’t believe I ever trusted you.

Bob: Torrie, no!!!! It wasn’t me!!

Torrie, leaves……..

Coming soon: We answer more relationship questions. And our next podcast will be a week from today!

Dear Guys,

I like a guy who is 16, the same age as me. He’s always looking at me. And all my friends tell me that they are good looks. But whenever he is with his friends, he won’t look at me as much, but he sometimes will sort of sneak some looks when his friends aren’t paying much attention to him.

We haven’t really talked before but he does know my name. My friends have noticed and they don’t understand either. Whenever he looks at me I quickly look away.

He is also really popular, and I’m not really that popular. I’m also not in any of his classes. Also my friends say that he is an asshole, but they don’t know him very well.

I’m so confused, this has been going on since the start of this year and I know that he is single and looking for a girlfriend.

Is he worried what his friends would think of me or something?
Does he like me or not? What do I do?

Sammy

Dear Sammy,

Thanks for your question. This is the kind of scenario that plays out at high schools all across the country. In fact this dance doesn’t really stop there. It continues on throughout adult life.

First of all, if what you say is true, and he’s constantly looking at you, it’s very likely he likes you or finds you attractive. So that’s the good news.

It’s also likely, if the two of you run in different social circles, he’s not sure how to approach you. High school is about appearances. (Actually much of life is about appearances, but we digress.) He certainly doesn’t want to risk being shot down by you, or teased by his friends if he is rejected, because there’s nothing worse to a high school guy than being embarrassed.

So we guess the question is, how do you let him know you’re interested? Or do you?

If you were older, we might suggest you just tell him. The less game playing the better. But for you that might not be the best idea.

Is it possible to enlist some of your friends to help? This seems to be the way things work in high school. A note is passed. A friend mentions to him that you might be interested. (Might being the optimal word here.) This way everyone saves face if it doesn’t work out.

Of course you could always go against the grain and just smile and say hi to him. Or you could try to strike up a conversation with him in the hall or in the cafeteria. Or if he plays sports, go watch him play. Make it obvious you’re there to see him.

Teenage boys are just learning how to approach girls. They might talk a good game, or act like they’re studly, but they’re scared and not as confident as they project. And they certainly like a sure thing. Meaning, they want to know the girl they ask out is going to say yes, 100%. Doubting that even a little is enough for them to hang back and not go for it. Now that we think about it, it’s not much different from a man asking a woman to marry him. Usually, he’s pretty much sure the answer will be yes.

So you have to decide how you want to approach this. But it’s likely that if you really want to find out what’s going on, you’ll have to be the one to take the risk. Someone has to! It doesn’t sound like he’s going to.

We hope this helps you Sammy. Good luck.

THE GUYS

The Rundown:

Pet Peeves: Babies at the movies. Cell phones.

Ask the Guys: Is technology making us dumber?

Father Stories: Our friend Lovy reflects on her father.

Stream of Consciousness: Summer, Computers, and Guinea Pigs

The Meat: Curse of the Nice Guy

Thanks for listening!

If you haven’t subscribed already, you can do so on our website or on itunes.

Join in the discussion, and leave us a comment on our website, or on our Facebook fan page.

And if you’re so inclined, a five star rating, or a review on itunes would be most appreciated. After the first twenty reviews we’ll be having a drawing for a piece of our merchandise. Shipped to your door from THE GUYS!!

Please Digg or Stumble this podcast. Thanks!

TGP Episode 5: The Curse of the Nice Guy...and more! [ 42:48 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Written by: “One of the Guys”

I was away on vacation these last four days, enjoying the unique summer culture of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Had I stayed home, the heat would have been suffocating in my non-air conditioned house. I heard rumors it was in the mid 90s all week, so I felt myself doubly blessed to be enjoying the ocean AND the air-conditioning at the hotel we were staying at.

One thing I enjoy while on vacation, is getting up really early and exploring. This could mean either biking, walking, or driving around town, possibly sipping an early morning cup of Joe, and enjoying the quiet. Once I find someplace I fancy, I’ll often stop and park myself, pull out a book or the local paper and read.

These morning excursions are also a time where I think. One of the main things I think about is how can I make my “everyday” life more like a vacation. Don’ laugh. Sure, that’s probably impossible, with all the responsibilities and duties I have as an adult and a parent, but it still must be possible to create a situation where everything doesn’t feel so overwhelming and stagnant.

I don’t intentionally try to keep up with the Jones’s, it just kind of happens organically, if such a thing is possible. Most of the time, I feel like I’m rowing with part of  my rudder missing. I just keep spinning in a circle no matter how hard I paddle. And it’s annoying seeing everyone racing ahead while I create my own little whirlpool.

So I write this longing for more simplicity. Vacations create this illusion that life is a rudderless journey, enjoyed by those who take in the scenery. I’m trying hard to jump on board with that notion. It sure sounds good on paper, but that zen-like state is harder to achieve in real life.

Either way, we had a great time on vacation. Short, but sweet, and we all left longing for more, which is really how it should end.

Would you like to be a kid again, living a more carefree existence?

How do you keep up with the rat race? Do you even try?

Is it possible to make your life look more like a vacation?

_______________________________

I have to chime in on Lebron James. All the media is berating him for being an egomaniac and creating a look-at-me circus around his free agent announcement. This all may be true, but they are overlooking some important aspects of who he is.

Maybe Lebron’s head has gotten a bit big. I actually don’t think so based on his standing in the NBA. He IS the most dominant player in the league. Kobe might have the best jump shot, but he’s not in the same league as Lebron. Put Lebron on the Lakers and they don’t almost choke away the championship to the Celtics. In fact they sweep them. But that aside, Lebron has become bigger than just basketball. He’s a world wide celebrity. Yes, Lebron really is that big.

And I say these things because I’ve only been impressed with how he’s conducted himself. He hasn’t gotten into trouble with the law. He’s respectful of other players in the league.  He treats his teammates well. He’s well spoken. He loves his family. And overall he’s been someone that I’m happy my kids love. I can’t say this for Kobe Bryant or some of the other top players in the league, who’ve all believed the hype at one point or another.

I am originally from Cleveland, so it’s sad to see Lebron leave. Just as Princess Leia says, “Obi Wan Kanobe, you’re my only hope,” Clevelanders felt that way about Lebron. And now he’s gone, and they’ve all turned on him. In fact the whole media has turned on him. But not me.

He played hard for Cleveland, only to be surrounded by a bunch of “has beens” and “not -so-goods.” He carried the team year after year, without really complaining that much. And frankly he wasn’t going to win there. They just weren’t good enough, even with a superstar.

So he doesn’t owe them anything more. What’s wrong with looking out for himself? He wants to win and he’s going some place he has a chance to do that. Miami certainly gives him that opportunity, although Chicago probably would have been a better choice. And aren’t those the kind of decisions we make everyday? What’s best for us, our career, our kids, our happiness? Sure we don’t do it as publicly, but most of us aren’t known by 99% of the planet.  Thank god!

So it’s time to for him to move on. And for this former Clevelander, I wish him all the best. Because I always root for the nice guy.

(Hopefully he’ll stay that way!)

Thanks to all of you that left us a review on itunes for our podcast….and for those of you that left us a five star rating. We appreciate it!

After we get the first twenty review on itunes, we’re having a drawing. The winner gets to pick whatever they want from our merchandise page. We’ll gift wrap it and ship it to you!

If you haven’t done it yet, we still have a few reviews to go, so head on over to itunes. Thanks!

Bob the Vegan

For those of you that haven’t seen this series, we introduced this back in the fall of 2009. We’re going to be posting some of the more memorable skits in this series. Today’s skit is the very first Bob the Vegan we ever wrote!

And we’d like to qualify this post by saying, the ideas expressed in this skit do not necessarily reflect the opinions of THE GUYS. We think people should decide for themselves what lifestyle works and doesn’t work for them. No seriously, we’re not kidding! …..Really, we’re serious!!! Oh, forget it. Let’s get on with it.

Bob the Vegan Episode 1: The backyard BBQ

Bob and girlfriend arrive. Rich and Dave are cooking on Rich’s deck.

Bob: Hey guys what’s up!

Rich and Dave together: Hey Bob.

Bob: I’d like you to meet my new girlfriend, Torrie.

Rich and Dave: Nice to meet you.

Torrie: Nice to meet you too. (Pause) Hey, do you mind if I use your bathroom?

Rich: Sure no problem. Turn left when you get in the house.

Torrie: Thanks. (She goes in the house)

Rich: Wow Bob, she’s smokin!

Dave: Totally!!

Rich: So what does she see in you?

Bob: I have NO idea.

Dave: Are you guys ready for some food! Hamburgs,
Hotdogs, Steak, Chicken. We got it all.

Rich: Sounds great.

Bob: No thanks.

Dave: What do you mean no thanks? You love meat! And we’ve
got everything!

Bob: I know, but no thanks. I’m a vegan now.

Rich: A virgin!? But I thought you said….

Bob: I didn’t say virgin you goob, I said vegan.

Dave: What’s a vegan. I’ve never heard of it.

Bob: It means I no longer eat meat, dairy or anything that comes from an
animal.

Dave: Are you messing with us?

Bob: No, I’m serious.

Rich: That’s crazy. When did you start this?

Bob: (Says quietly) Listen guys, this is killing me. Just
smelling this meat is making my insides explode. But don’t make a big deal
about it. Torrie was insistent that I become a vegan. I’m OK about it. Don’t say ANYTHING! I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

George arrives.

George: Hey guys. What’s up?

All: Hey George.

Dave: George, did you know Bob’s a vegan?

George: (To BOB) So you’ve been lying all these years??!!

Bob: You guys are idiots! Listen George, I want to tell you about my girlfriend.

George(cuts him off): Hold on Bob, I’m starving… Dave, let me
help with the food. Who wants what?

Torrie returns.

Bob: George this is my girlfriend, Torrie.

Torrie: Nice to meet you.

George: Nice to meet you too. Ladies first. What would you like to
eat Torrie?

Torrie: I’ll have a hamburger.

Bob, Rich and Dave: WHAT??!!!

Rich: I thought you and Bob were vegans.

Torrie: I never said I was a Vegan. This is just my way of balancing things out.

Rich: How so?

Torrie: Well since the beginning of time, men have treated women like meat. Calling us “Toots” and “Honey” and grabbing at us like we’re cattle. So I figured it’s time to even the score. If I’m a piece of meat, Bob’s a vegan. Sounds like a fair swap to me.What do you think Bob?

Bob: Sounds fair to me.

Rich and Dave and George: Ouch!

Before we get to the post we just want to remind everyone about the podcast contest.  We just got up on itunes and we’re asking our fans to help us get started by leaving us a review. (5 stars of course!) (Thanks to some of you that have already!)

Once we get twenty reviews we’ll be picking one person’s name out of a hat to receive a piece of our merchandise of their choosing. We will not only gift wrap it, but send it to your home. So check us out on itunes if it’s not too much trouble. And subscribe of course. It’s free and it’s a fun show!

So now for our next installment of “THE CURSE.”

Written by THE GUYS

We knew this post was possibly a loaded gun, but we felt it was necessary to march forward. Don’t let semantics close your mind. This is a curse that is not visible to the naked eye.

When guys hit puberty their life mission changes. They move from bikes, candy and playdates, to, um…bigger bikes, candy and playdates. They now are constantly on the lookout for females of  every shape and size. This means that every decision they make, whether it’s taking a job, or playing on a team, or going to a particular car wash, has something to do with meeting, or interacting with women. Yes, even helping Aunt Gertrude with her garden. (Hey the neighbor is pretty cute!)

So imagine a balloon being filled with air for five, ten or maybe twenty years. Now all of a sudden the air is shut off and the balloon is let go, to zig and zag endlessly in the sky,  like a jet plane taking its time to crash. Picture that and then understand what men go through when they finally find THE ONE. Even as they project calm and coolness to everyone observing them, their insides are that balloon careening out of control.

That’s the best we can explain what it’s like for a married guy. The curse is that balloon inside of him. The balloon tells him he should still be searching even though he’s happy. The balloon makes him do stupid stuff. The balloon makes him go golfing with his buddies, only later to realize he’s been neglectful. The balloon then convinces him to buy flowers. (Bad timing) And then the balloon causes his mouth to say all the wrong words. Damn that balloon!!

But eventually the balloon runs out of air, and the married guy settles down, buys a home, and thinks about the next step. And that’s when his belly of complacency grows. Literally!! He’s happy. He’s content. Harmony has been achieved, but so has apathy. Weekend movies, and summer ice cream jaunts, and several beers before bed make him happy. And this happiness is measured very concretely by his waistline. The married guy is no longer on the prowl. Sure he still looks around, and talks smack, and makes jokes, but he knows he’s not going anywhere. And as this apathy takes root, so does his belly, because he no longer needs to look svelte and smooth. The curse continues.

Soon this complacency backfires. As his stomach grows larger and larger, his nether region shrinks and shrinks and his wife then wonders what happened to her man’s, um…..man. But he’s almost happy about his diminishing form. He says to himself, “That thing has only been trouble anyway. It’s better out of sight. And then maybe it will be out of mind too!” But then the impossible happens. Just as he’s settling down into a comfortable routine he gets the news that will forever change his life.

Now the real terror begins. And the balloon starts filling with air again.

Next installment: Curse of the Father.

Any thoughts on married men? Have you seen this curse in action?

Happy Fourth of July!

Written by “One of the Guys”

Summer holds a sacred place in the hearts of men. The warmth changes our perception. We feel empowered to turn possibility into reality. We play as if life weren’t as complicated as it is. We act like children, exploring the endless adventure that summer is. Beaches. Mountains. Bike Trails. Ball games. Amusement Parks. Bars. Barbecues.

As we prepare for our adventures, we lather on sunscreen, trying to prevent the streams of wear and tear on our faces from turning into rivers. We don a hat and the coolest pair of sunglasses we can afford, throw every possible accessory we might need into the trunk of our car, and head out to discover what we can discover. Or more aptly put, be open for what might discover us.

Summer is the season for improv. It’s the time we let life lead us instead of forcing the issue. And that alone makes it special.

But not me. No, my summer looks quite different from that. I’ll be doing Daddy Day Camp.

When I realized that I would be home with my kids all day,  I went into a panic. Yes, I love my kids unconditionally. I spend my days and nights trying to figure out ways to enrich their lives. But spending twelve hours a day, five days a week with three active kids was not something I was ready for.

I knew I would need some structure, so I formulated a plan in the form of Daddy Day Camp. If you’re not familiar with this term, it’s really quite simple. When dealing with three kids who specialize in being hungry all the time, forgetting to use the bathroom when it’s available, fighting over anything and everything, and throwing their stuff all over the house, you need something to stop this endless cycle.

My wife said, “Just get one of those big blow up pools. You know, the kind big enough to actually swim in. They can play in that all summer.”

I said, “But that would mean I have to supervise the whole time. That kind of  defeats the purpose really. I need stuff for them to do so I can get some of my own work done. I need more balance.”

She said, “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks Honey.”

So I instituted Daddy Day Camp.

The first day the kids and I had a meeting, where I handed out the daily agenda.

My middle guy said, “Dad this is summer. You’re not the boss of us. We get to do what we want!”

I said, “Where did you hear that nonsense? I’m the boss until you turn eighteen, or until you’re big enough to ignore me and then back it up. For now let’s go over the agenda.”

Number 1. Wake up. Eat a healthy breakfast without complaining.

Number 2. Practice piano, karate and anything else dad says to do.

(Kids are already rolling their eyes.)

Number 3. Tennis lessons with me. (They have that “OH NO” look.)

Number 4. Read. Draw. Or do something quiet so dad can work.

Number 5. Lunch.

(By now their eyes are coming out of their heads.)

Number 6. Quiet time in your rooms so dad can work. (They’re glancing at each other, so I have to throw them a bone.)

Number 7. Wii time. (Only if you’ve been quiet with no fighting.) (Yeah, right!)

Number 8. Play a sport or go on a field trip.

Number 9. Free time. Hang out time. Relax time.

Number 10. Early dinner.

Kids: Dad, this is going to be the worst summer ever!!

Me: Why, what’s wrong with the plan? It sounds fun to me.

Kids: It’s terrible.

Me: What’s wrong with it? You get to do a lot of cool stuff. We’ll check out some museums. We’ll go to the arboretum. We’ll play sports. I don’t see the problem.

Kids: The problem is, this is not what summer is about!!

Me: No? Well please enlighten me.

Kids: Summer is about fun. It’s about doing nothing. It’s about sitting in front of the TV or playing video games. It’s about shooting baskets without being instructed on the proper way to shoot a jump shot. It’s about us, not you.

Me: Hmm…..You make some good points there. But I’m going to have to veto all of them.

Kids: What? We don’t even know what that means.

Me: It means let’s get started. Number 1. Start eating!

So I hope all of you readers have a great summer. And please do me a favor. Think of me while you sip a cold drink of water, viewing a beautiful sunset, sitting on a vast mountaintop. I’ll be home, unshowered, dealing with the endless cycle of kids.

How do you achieve balance in the summer?

Any ideas? Thoughts? Help??

Coming soon:

“Our annual ode to summer” and the next installment of
“The Curse of…..”

But for now, a contest.

Our podcast has finally reached the shores of itunes. We are on the “New and Noteworthy”  page of Podcasts. Hit “See All” if we don’t come up on the first page.

We need reviews and some top star ratings. That is if you’re so inclined to say something nice about us. If you don’t have time to listen all the way, that’s okay, you can still be talk about us in a generally pleasant way.
We hope!!

In return we will have a drawing. For every 20 reviews we get, however short or long they may be, we will put the names in the hat and pick one lucky person. If it’s you, you’ll get to pick whatever suits your fancy from our merchandise page. We’ll have it delivered to your door. (We have lots of cool stuff to choose from.)

So help out THE GUYS and then take one home with you. Be sure to leave your review on itunes NOT here on our site. (Of course you can comment here as well.) (The itunes link is for people who don’t have itunes already on their computer.)

Thanks so much!!!!