The Guy’s Perspective

Hi Everyone,

We recently put out a one minute podcast/audio promo. You can hear it on the podcast page of this site, or on itunes and zune. Promo

If you, or anyone that you know, wants to try and create a video using our promo audio, we’re currently accepting submissions through November.

We’ll be posting all “appropriate” submissions on our site and asking fans to vote for their favorite. There will be a modest cash prize, and some major props on our site and podcast.

So spread the word and get creative. Surprise us. It could be anything. And who knows, maybe we’ll find a video person to join THE GUYS?

Also: If you didn’t get a chance to share your favorite Halloween story please do now. On our next show we’ll be sharing all the stories. We’re also looking for things that you find creepy. So leave us a comment here or a note on our Contact page.

Thanks,

THE GUYS

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago. I love it! Of course this irritates my wife to no end. She says, “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys, talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick. We like  having the work  done for us. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s ever so painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men, at insurmountable odds, under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd, that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more miscommunications via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many of these situations arose because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, humor are all lost when the written word isn’t carefully laid on the screen; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person is truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or just recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body. But I’m hoping I’m making some progress as my years tick away on this planet.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical, but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or one of my kids, is that they should feel like the only person in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.

What do you use social networks for?
How do you like to communicate?
Should relationships be conducted via social networks?

Check out podcast #8! On this site, and on itunes. Subscribe!

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago and now I hardly ever talk on the phone. Of course this irritates my wife to no end. “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys. Talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick, and instead enjoying the work being done for them. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s even more painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men at insurmountable odds; under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more problems with communication via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, and  humor all get lost when the written word isn’t carefully crafted; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person was truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical; but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or my kids, is that they should feel like the only one in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.
How do you think technology fits into personal relationships?

How do you use it?

What do you like about it?

What do you dislike about it?

Where do you think it’s headed?

Written by: “One of the Guys”

I was away on vacation these last four days, enjoying the unique summer culture of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Had I stayed home, the heat would have been suffocating in my non-air conditioned house. I heard rumors it was in the mid 90s all week, so I felt myself doubly blessed to be enjoying the ocean AND the air-conditioning at the hotel we were staying at.

One thing I enjoy while on vacation, is getting up really early and exploring. This could mean either biking, walking, or driving around town, possibly sipping an early morning cup of Joe, and enjoying the quiet. Once I find someplace I fancy, I’ll often stop and park myself, pull out a book or the local paper and read.

These morning excursions are also a time where I think. One of the main things I think about is how can I make my “everyday” life more like a vacation. Don’ laugh. Sure, that’s probably impossible, with all the responsibilities and duties I have as an adult and a parent, but it still must be possible to create a situation where everything doesn’t feel so overwhelming and stagnant.

I don’t intentionally try to keep up with the Jones’s, it just kind of happens organically, if such a thing is possible. Most of the time, I feel like I’m rowing with part of  my rudder missing. I just keep spinning in a circle no matter how hard I paddle. And it’s annoying seeing everyone racing ahead while I create my own little whirlpool.

So I write this longing for more simplicity. Vacations create this illusion that life is a rudderless journey, enjoyed by those who take in the scenery. I’m trying hard to jump on board with that notion. It sure sounds good on paper, but that zen-like state is harder to achieve in real life.

Either way, we had a great time on vacation. Short, but sweet, and we all left longing for more, which is really how it should end.

Would you like to be a kid again, living a more carefree existence?

How do you keep up with the rat race? Do you even try?

Is it possible to make your life look more like a vacation?

_______________________________

I have to chime in on Lebron James. All the media is berating him for being an egomaniac and creating a look-at-me circus around his free agent announcement. This all may be true, but they are overlooking some important aspects of who he is.

Maybe Lebron’s head has gotten a bit big. I actually don’t think so based on his standing in the NBA. He IS the most dominant player in the league. Kobe might have the best jump shot, but he’s not in the same league as Lebron. Put Lebron on the Lakers and they don’t almost choke away the championship to the Celtics. In fact they sweep them. But that aside, Lebron has become bigger than just basketball. He’s a world wide celebrity. Yes, Lebron really is that big.

And I say these things because I’ve only been impressed with how he’s conducted himself. He hasn’t gotten into trouble with the law. He’s respectful of other players in the league.  He treats his teammates well. He’s well spoken. He loves his family. And overall he’s been someone that I’m happy my kids love. I can’t say this for Kobe Bryant or some of the other top players in the league, who’ve all believed the hype at one point or another.

I am originally from Cleveland, so it’s sad to see Lebron leave. Just as Princess Leia says, “Obi Wan Kanobe, you’re my only hope,” Clevelanders felt that way about Lebron. And now he’s gone, and they’ve all turned on him. In fact the whole media has turned on him. But not me.

He played hard for Cleveland, only to be surrounded by a bunch of “has beens” and “not -so-goods.” He carried the team year after year, without really complaining that much. And frankly he wasn’t going to win there. They just weren’t good enough, even with a superstar.

So he doesn’t owe them anything more. What’s wrong with looking out for himself? He wants to win and he’s going some place he has a chance to do that. Miami certainly gives him that opportunity, although Chicago probably would have been a better choice. And aren’t those the kind of decisions we make everyday? What’s best for us, our career, our kids, our happiness? Sure we don’t do it as publicly, but most of us aren’t known by 99% of the planet.  Thank god!

So it’s time to for him to move on. And for this former Clevelander, I wish him all the best. Because I always root for the nice guy.

(Hopefully he’ll stay that way!)

Conflict is a natural byproduct of relationships, because people with ideas and opinions often disagree. Unhealthy conflict can cause blood pressure to rise, and turn sane people into raging lunatics. But healthy conflict is very necessary because it helps us address problems that frankly need to be addressed.

With a natural disaster polluting the ocean, political wars ravaging our hearts, and reality TV littering our airwaves, conflict is everywhere. It happens at the office and it happens at home. It happens on ball fields, highways, supermarkets and airplanes. It’s part of the human experience, and it’s essential for our continued evolution.

Conflict has always been the center of growth and exploration because our need to understand motivates us to address it. Scientists work day and night trying to unlock new sources of alternative energy and new cures for old nemeses. Engineers try to solve intricate mathematical puzzles to erect impossible structures above ground and beneath the ocean floor. And kids look out their windows on clear, star filled nights, wondering how it all happened. Conflict is what awakens our human ingenuity, and gets our wheels churning. And it works better than any synthesized drug on the black market.

Conflict also plays a big part in relationships. Two people inevitably will run into some sort of disagreement over the course of their time together. The big three sources of conflict within most relationships are money, kids and sex. Disagreements happen for quantitative reasons – too little or too much- or for qualitative reasons-how we define the experience. But it’s how we resolve these conflicts that ultimately define our partnership.

Sometimes the answers are easy. “If you give me something, I’ll give you something.” That would be called compromise, and that’s born from communication. Sometimes the answers are not so easy, and might take many conversations in the company of a licensed professional. Because we all come to every situation and relationship with our bag of “stuff.” Not necessarily our bag of karma, although that certainly accompanies us too, but our bag of learned responses that we’ve gathered over the years on this planet. And when our “stuff” clashes with someone else’s “stuff,” conflict happens.

Being more aware of the pitfalls that are part of relationships can help us sort out conflict. Understanding that conflict is inevitable is the first step, because it will help us feel more comfortable with it. Because conflict seems to be something most people avoid like a stranger on a quiet city street, in the late hours of the night. But conflict is something that has to be embraced in order for resolution to happen. It’s not fun, but it can’t be ignored, otherwise it just multiplies and gathers momentum, like the germs scientists work so hard to eradicate.

Life should be enjoyed to the fullest, but that doesn’t mean conflict isn’t present each and every day. But just keep in mind that without conflict billions of years ago, somewhere out in the vast universe, we all might not be here today.

THE GUYS

Would you rather deal with conflict head on or ignore it?

What kind of conflict is worth addressing?

How often do you deal with conflict in your life?

How do you deal with conflict in your primary relationships? Spouse, partner, kids?

Upon visiting one of our favorite blogs, AskCherlock, we read a piece entitled Hate Crimes, Women and the Internet.

Here is an excerpt from her piece. Please go to her blog to read the rest of the article, as well as other great articles on world events and politics. And leave her a comment.

“……hate crimes against women are increasing as we are perceived as soft targets. One must wonder what role the Internet plays in this. Perhaps the Internet has become a place where some socially isolated men (or women) find it easy to hide behind an avatar and spew venom or prey upon others due to some latent mental pathology.”

For those of you who don’t know the word misogyny, it means quite simply, “hatred of women” or “considering them less” or “despising them.”

The first thought that comes to mind, besides the shame of coincidentally being the same gender as some of these men, is sadness. What type of upbringing, or lack of upbringing, must a boy have had to turn into a man filled with this type of anger? Or maybe he just picked up subtle clues over a long period of time. Either way it starts with parents.

Arguments are part of relationships, but it’s how the arguments are conducted that impact children and teach them how to treat one another. If a child senses veiled threats, bullying, or witnesses abuse, he will make mental notes about how relationships work. And ultimately he will conduct himself in a similar manner if not worse.

However it’s not always so obvious. Sometimes it could be simply, a boy hears remarks about how woman look and act. Over time these remarks gain momentum and make it clear to the boys that women are in fact just objects. And it’s a lot easier to hate an object than it is a person.

Discussing origins is one thing, but intervening to stop these types of crimes is a whole different ball game. However, do we really have a choice? Cher discusses how the internet is playing a role in hate crimes. We can see how easy it is to start a blog or a forum, and throw out all sorts of venomous barbs with little or no consequences. For in many ways the internet is truly the wild frontier with its own laws and it’s own sense of justice. But we are not helpless to combat this type of thing. We must put on our sheriff’s hats  and rally together and speak up.

Hate crimes against anyone should never be tolerated!!

If we work together as a united front, it’s possible we can help stop a few tragedies from happening. Please do your part to spread the word.

THE GUYS

From: “One of The Guys”

Tiger Woods is a scoundrel. That we can all agree upon. And if you’re not sure, just ask his wife Elin. She’ll sadly confirm this point.

Tiger has put himself in this position. He had it all. Fame. Talent. Money. Family. Now he has, himself and his one endorsement deal, Nike.

But why are we giving him so much power? Seriously, why!!??

You ready for this.

I used to root for Tiger. He’s a great golfer. No, he’s the best golfer in the world. It’s fun seeing someone from the younger generation try to surpass some of the legends of the past.

Guess what? I still root for him. Why you say? (Many of you might be bristling about this, but give a guy a chance please!)

Why do I still root for him? Because I don’t give Tiger that much power. He’s a golfer to me and that’s it. Just as other athletes are just that, athletes.

You might argue, “What about the kids of the world? We don’t want them rooting for someone who is such a bad guy!” That’s a valid point, but it actually supports my position, because we’re teaching our kids all wrong.

Confused?

Tiger learned from his Old Man. He learned the game of golf, but he also learned how to be an island. He learned how to take care of his own needs and put himself first. How else do you get to be the best player in the world? You have to be completely selfish. There is no other way! Being the best requires complete sacrifice and Tiger gladly did that. He sacrificed his family and the respect of the world to be the best. His dad taught him that because his dad was a selfish scoundrel too.

But in a very important way Tiger has it right. He looked up to his father and respected him. It’s not his fault that his dad was a terrible role model. He was a good son. And that’s what we should be teaching our kids. How to be respectful, attentive, generous, helpful, kind, sensitive, emphatic and curious  human beings.

Instead what are we creating? Entitled kids who walk around thinking they can have anything. And what they can’t have they take. It’s not their fault, they’re learning it from us, not Tiger Woods.

So we need to buckle down, stop pointing fingers at the likes of Tiger, and take some responsibility ourselves. We need to teach our children the difference between right and wrong. We need to teach them how to be solid and caring people. We need to teach them that Tiger is an awesome golfer and that’s all, and not the person they should aspire to become.

And if we do all that, maybe one day we’ll hear our children say this, as they play make believe in the back yard.

Our kids as the announcer: The crowd is tense. It’s the 18th green of the Masters with the tournament on the line. If he sinks this putt he wins it all……(Pause) The stroke looks solid. The ball is rolling. Rolling. It’s. It’s. It’s good. It’s good!! He sinks it! Daddy sinks the putt to win his first major championship!!!! And the crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!!

If I ever hear those words, it will be music to my ears.

So now that you gave me a chance, what do you think? Where do you stand?

Every morning we check to see who’s searching for THE GUYS. We’re curious to know what type of information people are looking for. Unfortunately many people come to our site and leave immediately because we aren’t providing the information they are seeking. So we’d like to address that here, by answering the last batch of  “search questions.”

Here are ten recent searches in no particular order. We’ll do our best to address each one.

1. “Lick my boyfriend’s feet”

Now let’s clarify.  Does he want you to lick his feet and you don’t know how? Or do you want to lick his feet and you’re not sure how to ask him? Either way it’s not something we recommend doing on the first or second date, especially if he’s just getting over a case of athlete’s foot, or hasn’t filed down his corns. You might want to broach the subject after a few glasses of wine; make that a few bottles.

2. “How to tell if you’re being played”

Didn’t we answer this already? Read it here.

3. “Finding a guy who can handle my neediness”

The fact that you’re asking the question should tell you something.  No man or woman truly wants to be with someone who’s needy. Sure we can all feel needy from time to time, especially when the balance is off in our relationship, but if you’re a needy person and you know it, maybe you need to ask yourself, “Why am I so needy?” Address that first and then come back and visit. You might find some other answers you’re looking for here.

4. “Alpha males and chores”

Are you saying your man doesn’t want to do chores because he’s an alpha male? If so, who anointed him? But honestly, we really don’t care who he is. Tell his butt to get up and pull his weight. However, the bottom line is, if you married this man BECAUSE  he was an alpha male, good luck. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. Sorry.

5. “Alpha males never marry”

What’s with the alpha male questions? OF COURSE the stereotypical alpha male gets married. And then he cheats with strippers from Vegas. Sound familiar?

6. “Bad things happen to comic book guy”

What?

7. Best way to paralyze a person

Um, excuse me? Did you just ask what we think you asked? We’re not sure what’s more alarming, the question, or the fact that Google sent you to our site.

8. “Blow job from a guy’s perspective”

C’mon, this is not a “How-to” site, although maybe it should be. (We’ll percolate on that one.) As for your question, we think you can figure this one out on your own, or by watching the 20 million videos covering the topic.

9. “Guy did not hold the door for me.”

Is this your boyfriend or some random guy? It’s our feeling that common courtesy is on the downswing, mainly because people are so busy, stressed and wrapped up in their own worlds to notice the other people around them. If this is your boyfriend just say to him, “If you don’t hold the door for me, I won’t lick your feet anymore!” That should do the trick.

10. Dating two guys at once

Not sure what you’re looking for here. Permission?

And there you have it. Please feel free to add to any of our explanations. And if you truly have a question for THE GUYS, please email us at:

advice@theguysperspective.com

Happy Licking!!

From: “One of The Guys”

Creativity seems to be a lost art, and it’s only getting worse. Couples rely on movies and take out to fill the weekend nights. Kids power up their video games to be entertained and the rest of the world surfs the web to get a glimpse into the lives of others.

Am I different? Not completely! And it’s scaring me.

For a long time I stopped reading books. I didn’t have time with my babies being, um babies, so I resorted to magazines to keep up on my reading. Quick, fast, entertaining and easy! This past year I started reading books again and it took me a long time to actually figure out how to read a book. I’m totally serious. I actually forgot how to “see” it in my mind, keep the characters straight, and follow the plot. This was due to my learned, short attention span, and my lengthy hiatus from the world of creativity.

But I managed to get it back slowly, and now I’ve realized that creativity can be lost too. Great, another thing to worry about! And I especially worry about it with my kids. They are creative, but only when it’s easy to be creative. They haven’t learned how to cope with “boredom” because they lack the vision to create something from what’s perceived as nothing.

So what’s happened to creativity?

Are relationships failing because creativity has become a dying art?

What do you think?

The truth is, we don’t NEED to be creative anymore. We can get many of our needs met without doing much mental work at all. So what happens is we fall into a routine that slowly wears away our mental sharpness.

But where does this all start?

I’ll tell you where. It starts at a very young age. In fact, right at my house.

Here’s how:

Let me start out by saying, I hate the Wii. We bought this video game system for our kids because they’d been begging for it for over a year. Not that their begging necessarily determines our actions. They’ve also begged for Pellet Guns, Guinea Pigs, Motorized Scooters and another sibling, for which they’ve gotten none.

Video Games have become part of “water cooler” talk in schools around the country, just like Pet Rocks, Smiley T shirts, Happy Days and Saturday Morning Cartoons were for me. We felt that it was important for our kids to be able to participate in those conversations, so we went ahead and told Santa to bring the Wii. We figured we could just limit it to weekends and that would be OK.

But here’s what’s happened.

It’s become the default game for them. And it seems to have drained them of all of their creativity.

Them: Dad, can we play the Wii?

Me: No, not right now. Think of something else to do.

Them: We’re bored. There’s nothing to do.

Me: Well, what did you do BEFORE you got the Wii?

Them: We can’t remember.

Me: What about Bionicles or dolls or sports? You used to like that.

Them: We just want to play Wii.

Me: Didn’t I just say no?

Them: C’mon.

So annoying. So I make them write a list of ten OTHER things they like to do. My oldest, who’s Mr. Make Believe has no problem with this. My daughter does it to please me. But my middle child. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him: Dad, I can’t think of anything.

Me: Really? Nothing? Really?

Him: No, I can’t think of anything.

Me: Do you want some help?

(Silence. I interpret this as a yes…..mistake…….so I start trying to help…..big mistake!)

Me: Well, what sports do you like?

Him: I don’t know.

Me: You like baseball. And basketball. Soccer. What about tennis?

Him: Dad!!!!!!!!!! Now I can’t use any of those things!

Me: What!!? Why?

Him: Because you said them already. Now I can’t use them.

Me: What are talking about!!?? Of course you can use them. You like them.

Him: No, I can’t use them and I’m not putting them down on the list.

(Silence. So I keep pushing it)

Me: What about music? You like to play the piano right?

Him: Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Fine, do it yourself. But you need to have five things written down before you do anything else. You hear me Mister?! (I’ve already caved from the ten things I originally said)

Him: Harumph…..

After twenty minutes he hands me the list. There are only two things on it.

Things I like to Do(His List)

1. Lie in Bed

2. Kind of read

I stare at this list. I think, “Oh my god, this took him twenty minutes to do?” I start panicking. “Now what kind of extra services is he going to need at school? He won’t be able to get past third grade.” I start sweating. “What’s happened to his creativity? Is it completely gone?”

Then I realize it. It hits me like a brick. The Wii has emptied the creativity out of my kids. No, I mean literally. These machines are evil. The truth is, the controllers the kids use are really electronic vacuums that suck all the creative juices out of whoever’s using them. These juices flow into the machine and back to the main headquarters. The gaming companies then use this creative energy to churn out more games and make more money. It’s pure genius!!  But now I’m onto them.

So after pondering  this epiphany I realize I still have my son to deal with.
So I tell him to go to his room, lie in bed and read.

He seemed to like that idea.

Finally I did something right. One of the firsts as his parent.

Now I need to devise my scheme to take down the video game companies. And that’s for another day.

So I ask you.

What’s happened to creativity?

Do you still get creative in your relationships? What kinds of things do you do to get creative? Bring it on!

THE GUYS have worked hard to be fair, honest and thoughtful when writing all of our posts. That’s been our trademark since we launched this site. And that’s what has attracted our readers to us.

But we also don’t believe difficult topics should be ignored, as you read in our three posts about “Cheating.” We offered three different perspectives coming from three different sets of experiences. A tough topic indeed, but one that invited positive dialogue and resulted in many questions submitted to us.

This is what we’re about. Creating a forum for discussion that lends itself to growth and understanding. But it doesn’t always work out that way based on the comments section in our most recent post. (We pulled it. A business decision, not an editorial one.)

Differing opinions, even when direct, harsh, strong or unadulterated are part of all of us. We don’t have to look further than Washington to witness this in  its full blown glory. If you turn on the TV or radio, or pick up a paper or magazine, you’ll see it. It’s everywhere. It’s part of us. We have opinions, strong opinions and we all want to voice them.

We stand behind our guest writers. They brought a topic to our attention that we thought might be interesting to explore, so we gave our opinion and offered space for our two guests to give their opinions. Their opinions were different than ours, but we felt it was a good thing for our readers to get a taste of varying perspectives. Isn’t it better to be in the know, than not?

The last thing we’ll say is, guys in general have been called every name in the book. Meathead, bozo, dickhead, asshole, etc. We’ve been stereotyped in every sitcom as lazy, not very good at listening and not in touch with our feelings. We laugh right along with these jokes because even though we’re guys, that’s NOT US! Somehow we always have the sense it’s the other guy they’re making fun of.

THE GUYS

Written by:  “One of The Guys”

Hair(As defined by Webster): Any of the fine, threadlike outgrowths from the skin of an animal or human being.

Body Hair(As defined by The Guys): Any of the above mentioned hair that grows all the places we don’t want it to.

The topic of body hair was brought up recently at one of our round table discussions. Apparently a few of our comrades have recently been contemplating full body laser surgery, to remove their full bodied rugs. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And if you’ve ever seen the “40 Year Old Virgin” you’ll know what I mean. The hair waxing scene is one of the funniest moments in that movie.

But laser surgery!? Is body hair really that bad? Let’s examine the pros and cons.

On the pro side.

1. It keeps you warm. No  need to put on that extra sweater in the winter.

2. You can hide things in there. Like that piece of gold you don’t want to declare at customs. Very handy.

3. No need to buy a Halloween costume….ever!  The Wolf Man is always en vogue.

4. If you start going bald, you have a lot of real hair to use for the transplant.

On the con side:

1. It’s hot as hell!

2. Forget taking your shirt off at the beach.

3. Sweating is taken to a whole new level.

4. Did I mention it’s hot as hell!

5. And who knows what your partner is really thinking?

And that’s a question we’ll be asking later in this post. What does your partner actually think about this? And is it so bad to call for drastic measures?

Of course I wouldn’t know. I’ve had one chest hair in my time of this planet which I’ve diligently kept trimmed. Although there was a time when I felt the need to point it out to people, just to let people know I was capable of actually growing a chest hair. But I see I might be one of the lucky ones. For now.

I say for now, because body hair is something no man ever really escapes. Eventually hair will grow from every crevice in his body until he is consumed. And it’s already happening to me. Just the other day I looked in the mirror and I said, “Is that a hair growing out of my eye?”

However, the real question is, is there a double standard when it comes to body hair?

A guy can walk around with a carpet on his back and a furry woodland creature on his face and his partner just has to deal with it. But women jump through the proverbial hoop just to rid themselves of a little hair. Especially nowadays, hair seems to be WAY OUT. Here’s what I’ve witnessed, or at least heard about, in terms of women grooming themselves.

Waxing the hair under their lip.

The bikini wax and trim.

Shaving their underarms.

Shaving their legs.

The eyebrow pluck.

And then of course we have the various degrees of grooming when it comes to the private area.

The Brazilian

The French

The Landing Strip

The Isosceles

The Cardshark

And more………….

I mean talk about the pressure! This takes grooming to a whole new level. Women have always had to think about clothes and the way they look on the outside, but now they have to think about what’s going on under the clothes?!  That’s just too much!

For guys, we just have to brush our teeth, wash and comb our hair and put on clean undies. Expectations are low and as long as we’re clean and reasonably kept, we can get away with a lot.(I think)

But now the tables are turning a bit. Like I said, hair is going out of style, especially unseemly body hair. And some of The Guys are taking a hard look at themselves and realizing that maybe their little tree farm isn’t that attractive after all.

As for women, I for one don’t really care what they do with their hair. That’s their business. It’s certainly not a determining factor on why I would or wouldn’t date someone. (Although I’m not longer in the game, so it’s a moot point.) But I’m just saying. “The Patchouli” is certainly fine with me. (Look it up)

But as far as guys go, our body hair is just like the lawns we work so hard to keep immaculate. At the end of the day, the weeds will win out, and our body hair will eventually consume every inch of our bodies.

So I say to my Guys, save yourself some money. Forget the surgery and just let it ride. You’re actually trend setters, you just don’t know it yet. Because when it’s all said and done, even me, with my one hair on my chest, will become consumed by the looming forest.

Men: Do you think we should shave our body hair or remove it permanently? What does your partner say about it? Also, what kind of grooming do you prefer in your partner?

Women: Is there a major double standard going on with body hair? Do you care? How do you like to groom yourself? (Please share if you’d like) And how do you really feel about body hair on guys?

This is part three of our miniseries, recognizing some of the sites we love. Check them out at the bottom of this post.

The first post we dipped back into time bringing you a piece of nostalgia from our childhood. “The Uniform”

The second post was all about expectations of that “coming of age” event called, “The Prom.”

Now from, “One of The Guys”

Well, this is going to be more of a stream of consciousness post. I’m just going to see where it goes. I like to do that sometimes. I might have a nugget of an idea, and then see how far I can develop it, similar to improvising on a theme when I play music. That’s what improvising is all about. Not knowing where the story is going, but still having some parameters to work with; basically the other musicians, the chord changes (if there are any) and the audience, because surely their enthusiasm or lack thereof dictates how the story is told.

And isn’t that the truth? Isn’t that what life is like? What being a person on this planet is like? One Big Blessed Improv Routine!! I mean seriously. We don’t know what the hell we’re really doing, where we’re going, what’s right, what’s wrong, who we really are. In fact by the time we THINK we’ve kind of figured it all out, we know the story is just about to conclude, and there’s no way to alter the ending.

I think about this a lot when I’m at home dealing with my kids. I try to give them parameters to work with, but I can’t control their own story as much as I’d like to sometimes. Why do I want to control it? Because this world is a scary place. And the older I get the scarier I think it is. Now don’t get me wrong. I work hard to see the beauty in all of it too, and I try not to let my fears paralyze me, or my kids. But now that I do have a family, life somehow seems more precarious, more fragile.

I remember being a bold teen, walking down the city streets alone, and not being scared of anything. Ignorance is bliss.

BUT NOW?

Now, the freaking squirrels scare the crap out of me. I think to myself, if one of those little ferocious beasts actually attacked me or the kids, I don’t think I could fight it off. Seriously! Could you? What if all the squirrels in the world decided to attack at once? We’d all be TOAST!

What does this mean besides that I’m nuts?

It means that we all have to trust in “the order of the universe.” Trust that the sun will come up…..at least occasionally where I live. Trust that darkness will come so we can rest. Trust that our kids will learn their own lessons and grow from them. And trust that the damn squirrels will stick to the trees.

So as I navigate through this world, it’s clear to me that I’m not alone. That no matter how nutty my thoughts are, I know I can just search, “Nutty Thoughts” on the web and find about a million people who think exactly as I do. (I’m not sure if that’s comforting or not, but it’s still amazing)

So what’s the lesson.?

We need to stick together, that’s what. We need to try to understand one another and realize that we all have so much more in common than we don’t.  We need to realize we all care about our families and we all want our kids to grow up and be happy and have opportunities. We all want to sit back and watch a game and root for our team without being castigated or threatened. We want the simple things too. A nice meal with a friend OR by ourselves. A quiet time to think. A good run, or walk. A night out to watch a concert. Some alone time with our honey. Or maybe time to read a cool blog, or find some cool new app on our iphone. (I don’t have one yet) We all just want to live and enjoy the time while we are here. Have fun. And maybe try to figure out where we’re headed after our time is up on this planet earth. Or maybe not.

Sure we’re all unique and that’s what makes this place so damn cool! But until we start acknowledging our similarities, we can’t celebrate our differences, to use a common PC expression. (Don’t get me started about being PC)

And let’s be honest, who the hell isn’t scared shitless of squirrels?

Take some time to check out these great sites. They cover all the things you might be interested in: Politics, Art, Philosophy, Religion,Parenting, Travel, and lots of humor! Enjoy!

Ask Cherlock

Astronomy for Everyone

A Little Girl Talk

Out of Context: Pieces for a Life (aphorisms)

Artistry Infaux

Applause for a Cause

Decaffeinated Coffee

Footsteps (Travels and Journeys)

Jeans Musings

Mad Kane

SuperMommy to the Rescue

Sugar Snow

Superficial Gallery

TJ Lubrano

The Suss

Virtual Synapses

Writing to Survive

Our world is changing fast, especially from a technological standpoint. The ability to communicate with anyone around the world has become as easy as turning on the faucet. Cell phones, email, skype and social networking sites all provide access and make the world essentially a smaller place.

So is this a good thing? We say yes for the most part, because with a larger market there are more opportunities. However, this also comes with new forms of abuse.

Privacy has taken a nose dive. It’s easy to find anyone on the planet. And if you ever had dreams of getting off the grid, you were born a century too late.

But people have been ignoring personal boundaries for a long time. These are people who either aren’t aware of personal space or ignore it to serve their own purposes. We call these people,

PERSONAL SPACE INVADERS.

They come in many forms. Some are completely harmless and others are actually quite dangerous.

Let’s take a look at these people in all their mutations.

Close Talkers: Maybe coined by the great Seinfeld episode….These are the people who cozy up to you during a conversation and spray you with saliva bombs and other debris. They are usually completely harmless and are actually quite chummy. But if you know you’re going to encounter one, plan accordingly. Bring an extra change of clothes and a face mask.

Touchers: These are people who touch to accentuate their point. It’s a way to bond. Now in some cases this is sweet and nice, but often it can get to be too much. How do you know when it’s too much? By the bruises on your arms or back the next day. But honestly they do mean well in general, unless they are really a Groper in disguise. You’ll know this when they apologize for accidentally missing your shoulder.

Big Huggers: They are in the Touchers family, but they actually have an agenda beyond bonding. Generally the rule of hugging is similar to the rule of hand shaking. It should be somewhat equal. We hate it when some GUY tries to show how manly he is by squeezing the crap out of our hand. C’mon MAN! Firm is one thing, but this is not a contest. These Big Huggers often get a thrill out of feeling another body close to them, so they squeeze and squeeze. Once again they are generally harmless, but best avoided. And they are everywhere!

Phone Solicitors: These people drove the wagons west and carved the way for the rest of the technological abusers. They call us any time of day and night with no respect for privacy or family time. Now sure, it’s their job, but at some point they might need to ask themselves, “Is it really OK to call on a Sunday night at 9pm?” There is such a thing as Karma….we think?
The general populace has been able to combat them with a variety of measures including the answering machine and caller ID. But it’s still maddening that they even make the attempt. And when you ask them to put you on the DO NOT CALL list, they are polite and sweet, but then their colleague calls you the next day feigning innocence. MORAL: Don’t answer your phone.

Spammers: We’ve been inundated with Spammers lately. We’re not sure what they are actually gaining from their actions, since we delete them as fast as they post. But they are so annoying, like persistent flies or mosquitoes, feeding off our blood.
If anyone has any advice on what Captcha to use, etc. please let us know.
Otherwise we wish we could set up a new sort of Octagon, where the Phone Solicitors and the Spammers could fight to the death. And the rest would be fed to the Stalkers.

Stalkers: These people range from creepy to dangerous and every level in between. Who are they? Possibly spurned lovers, crazies, people who are angry with their life or jealous of someone else’s life. Either way, they use every means possible to unsettle their target. It’s like a home invasion that goes on in perpetuity.
These people are savvy and smart too, using sites like Facebook to assume the identity of their target and then infiltrate his/her world. (Yes, this just happened to “Another One of The Guys.”)
They are very difficult to get rid of.

So, what to do about all this?

All of this technology allows businesses and yes even Bloggers to expand their brand and reach a wider audience, but reaching a wider audience can also mean more problems. But that shouldn’t stop any of us. We can’t let these people slow us down! So keep your radar up and don’t let them get to you.

How do you combat these Personal Space Invaders?

THE GUYS

Conflict is part of every relationship. No two people are going to agree on everything. Sure, we’d like to find someone who is on the same page as us when it comes to children, religion, politics or our favorite sports team. But that is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s still plenty to argue about; think money and sex.

For many years we’ve all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And that may be true, but it’s not the reason people have conflicts in their relationships. It’s more often about HOW the two people argue and whether it’s constructive or not. When it’s not, often there’s a grudge holder in the mix that has a hard time letting go.

So what constitutes fighting badly?

1. Getting off topic and bringing up the past.

Dragging old arguments into new ones is just bad, bad, bad. But so easy to do! Politicians are good at this.

2. Comparing the other person to someone they know you don’t like.

This is will escalate the discussion into a fight faster than you can say……Dick Cheney.

3. Hurling insults or swears.

Like calling each other a Sarah Palin. There’s no reconciliation after you go rogue.

4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.

Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.

5. Holding a grudge.

Hmmm……..I’m not even going there on this one.

By the time you get to number 5, the discussion/argument/fight is over for one person, but not the other. The second person clings to the problem obsessively, preferring to be right over resolving the conflict. Sometimes, this only lasts for a short while and they they come to their senses. Sometimes it goes on forever and it gets brought up in the next argument, and so on.

This is the kind of argument that goes on in Washington every day. Bad fighting and grudge holding run in perpetual motion 365 days of the year. But we actually now have a president who’s trying to break the cycle and get down to the basic task of fixing this broken country. It’s a shame both sides can’t just work together.

And although, I stand behind the president, there are many on both sides who won’t let go of some of their grudges. For change to happen and problems to be solved, we need at least some of these people to forgive and forget.

But if that can’t happen, we can at least do our best to take care of our own business. We can take care of our little kingdoms scattered across this country. Because in actuality, we aren’t from Venus or Mars, but from this little planet called Earth.

ALL OF US!

THE GUYS

THE GUYS and I have noticed an alarming trend that seems to spreading across this great nation. This trend has little to do with politics or money. It has little to do with religion or any of the other hot button topic being  fiercely debated by our government and by the people.

It has to do with common courtesy.

Chivalry isn’t dead. In fact it’s very much alive. Guys will generally go out of their way to hold a door or carry a bag  for a woman. And certainly they’ll stop their car for a woman trying to cross the street. Although that’s likely due to the fact that they just want to WATCH the woman cross the street, but still they stop.

But when it comes to Guy on Guy, that’s a whole different ball game. (Sorry we couldn’t help ourselves.)

We’re not sure what this is all about really. We wonder if this trend is due to the general insecurity of many guys who think it might make them look gay or weak to extend courtesy to another guy? But it’s happening believe us.

You have to watch closely for this. It’s not overt. To use a football analogy since it’s the opening weekend of the playoffs, it’s like a slight push when a receiver goes up to catch the ball. It’s just enough to knock him off balance so he doesn’t make the catch, but not enough to really hurt him. And certainly not enough for the official to call a penalty.

So this is a call to take notice. You can find out a lot about a Guy by how he treats other Guys.   How?

Because Guys travel in packs. The Old Boys Network, The Geek Squad, The Fraternity Brothers, The Poker Gang, The Tennis Club, etc. These groups often give us identities that we like to project to the rest of the wolves. They help define us and give us territorial jurisdiction. (You see we’re all really still in high school.) So if you can find a Guy who is willing to extend a hand to a lone wolf that may have stumbled into his territory, well then you’ve found your mate for life. He’s probably a good Guy through and through. One who’s confident and comfortable in his own skin.

But if he’s not willing to do that, the least he can do is hold the door while he kicks the guy into the street.

Now is that too much to ask?

THE GUYS

What have you noticed lately about courtesy that you’d like to share with THE GUYS?

And for questions of almost any nature, email us: advice@theguysperspective.com

I love going to the bank in my town. The obvious reason is, it makes me happy to deposit money. But the behind the scenes reason is, the young women working there are very friendly and quite cute. After I leave, my day is just a little better.

I don’t keep secrets from my wife. Even if I tried, I’m terrible at deception. She thinks my bank forays are funny. She rolls her eyes when I say I’m going to do errands. She knows this includes a visit to my favorite brick and mortar institution. But she also knows I’m invisible to the young cuties. I know this too. No matter how cool I try to be, I still drive up to the drive thru in my silver mini van. Yes, I’m invisible.

Just yesterday I was there and one of the “girls” was eating something. I asked her how her lunch was. She laughed.

She said, “We’re short staffed today so we don’t get lunch. I have to eat while I work.”

I said, “Well that’s a drag.” (This is me trying to be cool)

She said, “Yeah, but at least it was free. The manager of the Chinese place across the street is a customer and he brought over lunch for all of us.”

I said, “Sweet.” (Me still trying to work the coolness)

She said, “Have a nice day.”

As I drove off, I started thinking about how unfair that was. I mean she shouldn’t lose her lunch just because they’re short staffed. That seemed pretty lame. Then it dawned on me. This is perfect. I love this. This is going to be my new catch phrase. Short staffed.

When my kids come from school demanding a snack or dinner I’m going to say, “Sorry, we’re a bit short staffed today. You’ll have to fend for yourselves.”

Or when my wife asks me to go grocery shopping I’m going to say, “Yeah, that’s going to be tough. You know, short staffed and all.”

I mean is this perfect or what?!!! I love this. This works in any situation:

For the neighbor who bugs you about your leaves blowing on their lawn.
For the friend who wants you to help him with his computer.
For your mother that wonders why you don’t call her every day.
For THE GUYS who bug ME about responding to questions.

It’s the perfect saying for all occasions. And I give all of you permission to use it whenever it suits you. Just give me and THE GUYS credit when appropriate.

However, GUYS, please don’t be unclear on the concept.

If your girlfriend or wife or partner is feeling a bit randy and wants to get busy, but you’re not feeling it at the moment, that is not the time to say:

“I’m a bit short staffed.”

“ONE of THE GUYS”

I took my five year old daughter to the library last Friday. In fact, every Friday morning we go together. It’s our morning to hang out, just the two of us. I love it. But I hate the library.

We live in a nice town with resources. The library is up to date and modern, but it just aint’ hip. In fact it couldn’t be more un-hip!  Why?

The librarians are evil.

Where do they get these people? I mean, even the people at the DMV are friendlier.

Here’s my latest exchange with one of the Evil Librarians. Keep in mind that I start off being extra friendly. I’ve dealt with her before. Similar to the check out people at Kmart. I always feel like it’s my job to make THEM feel good.

My Encounter

I’m just standing there waiting for her. She’s on the computer and she puts up one finger for me to wait a minute. (Already I’m annoyed.)

Librarian: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I looked up a book on the reference computer and it wasn’t coming up. I checked it out about six weeks ago so I think you have it here.

Librarian: Let’s take a look.

We walk over to reference computer.

Librarian: What’s the title?

Me: “Spaceship under the Apple Tree” (It was one of my favorite books as a kid. I want to read it to my kids.)

She types it in. Many books come up, but not that title. She tries again. Nothing.

Librarian: Obviously you’re way off on the title.

Now I’m really annoyed.

Me: Actually. No. That’s the title of the book and I’m pretty sure I checked it out six weeks ago from this branch.

Librarian: What’s the author’s name?

Me: Slobodkin. Louis Slobodkin.

She types it in. It comes up on screen. She’s annoyed that’s it right there. I’m annoyed that I didn’t just type in the author myself. Or just stayed home.

Librarian: Oh see, you spelled spaceship wrong. It’s really space ship.

There was a space between “space” and “ship.” It’s an old book, so maybe it was spelled that way when it was written. (I looked it up when I went home and it’s one word in Webster’s. But who cares!)

Me: That shouldn’t matter really.

Librarian: Well it does.

Me: Well Google wouldn’t have cared.(I know this is ridiculous, but I’m so pissed I didn’t know what to say)

Librarian:(Looking at computer screen) I don’t want to continue having this fight with you.

Luckily so far it’s all been quiet. My daughter is out of ear shot, but the librarian helper is nearby listening. But she stays out of it.

Me: Well you started it. (Now I sound like a complete idiot, but I’m in that pissed off state where I can’t think. (AKA: George Costanza)

Librarian turns and just stares at me with the most evil look ever. I’m sure many people have cowered under that icy glare. But not me. I finally get my wits about me.

Me: Well I don’t like being insulted.

At this point the librarian finally realizes she’s being a total bitch and that I’m actually a “paying” customer. I can see she’s struggling with what to do. I see her face change and she backs down.

Librarian: Well I didn’t mean it that way. I hope you know that.

Me: OK

But it’s not OK. WTF!!! She totally meant it that way. She’s done it to me before and to some of my friends in town. Half of the librarians there are like that.

The fact that I pay a lot of taxes is not the point really. What’s most relevant is how sad this is. What a waste! Not a waste of resources, but potential. The library could be such an inviting place, especially the kids section. A place where kids gather and build a community. A place where they can explore the magical world of stories and books. A place where they could learn how to use resources, so they can be resourceful. A place they could be excited to visit. It certainly was for me as a kid.

So I leave with my daughter’s hand in mine. I’m sickened and upset, but trying not to show it. Then my daughter looks at me and says, “Daddy, can we go to Dunkin’ Donuts?”

And at that point I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than share a doughnut with my daughter. And all is right again in the world. At least for that moment.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Please share your library or librarian stories. Good or bad.

It was about two years ago when I realized I had become obsolete.

One day, while my kids were talking and laughing with their friends,  I listened and smiled in the background. I enjoyed their laughter and banter. But my smile soon faded when I realized I had no idea what they were talking about. I had no idea whom they were referencing and what they were alluding to. All the cool things I used to do and know were clearly no longer cool, replaced by all these new things. In that moment,  I realized I had become a dinosaur and it frightened me. I didn’t like knowing I was headed down the path of the Dodo Bird or the great Woolly Mammoth.

I winced and weighed my options.  I could either GET CURRENT or become extinct. I chose the former and got to work.

First I took stock of everything I had kept up on. Let’s see, I knew who was president. I knew about American Idol and all the reality TV shows. I managed to know what an MP3 file was somehow, and….um……that was basically it. So now I made a list of all the areas I needed to get up to speed in: music, technology, sports, art, the internet and current lingo. That was a good start. WOW, that was a ton of stuff to consume!

But the hard part was still in front of me. Where was I going to get the “right” info? The rest of THE GUYS were as clueless as me. I realized I had to find the source.  And then it suddenly became clear to me. The source came in the form of young people! They were up on all the current trends. They were the demographic SETTING all the trends. So my education began.

Being a teacher helped me a ton in my quest to become current. I had access to all the young minds I could ever want. I just needed to keep my trap shut so I could learn from all of them. And that’s what I did. Sure I gave my lessons, but at the end of each session, I’d ask a few open ended questions to find out about them, and what they were up to. My questions ranged from the general, “What’s going on in your life?” to the specific, “What can you tell me about…so and so?”

I was amazed at how well my inquiries were received. The simple act of asking a question immediately opened up channels that seemed so impossibly closed. What I was doing unintentionally, was acknowledging their expertise  and thus leveling the playing field. What was once a monologue became a dialogue, which was so much more interesting and educational for both of us!

The long and short of all this is, over the course of a year, I slowly caught up to the present and became “current” and had a ton of fun doing it.

So I fast forward to the present.

These days, I work hard to keep current and stay curious. I attempt to listen as much as I can and learn from the young people who surround me, including my own family. And I keep the lines of communication open. That’s my best ally to avoiding the path of extinction, and my best ally to having a solid relationship with the people I care for the most.

And you know what?  My kids are now including me in their fun conversations.  And even better, I  understand what they’re saying!

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Have you kept current? Please share your discoveries!

A special bonus. Here are some cool things that some of my younger friends are up to. Be sure to check out their talent.

War Tapes (The best Doom Pop group on the planet)

Louise Rose Designs (Cool custom jewelry and accessories)

Astonishing Tales (Intelligent, introspective and catchy)

Project Erik (Slick animation on You Tube)

Kira Jeannee (Piano music that will move you)

Titanic Piano 14 (Funky, jazzy piano that rocks)

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So we were over at Momversation. Yes, we admit it. We like to know what the Moms are up to. It keeps us current.

Anyway, they were talking about kids of Reality TV and how awful it is. And while we totally agree that the exploitation of kids for money is appalling, we also need to admit to some complicity. 

In the old days "movie stars" were revered and looked up to. But it was simple and pretty straight-forward. Stars were on the big screen or the little screen and that is where they stayed. Today, we not only want them on the big and small screens, we want a piece of their lives too. And if we can't get theirs we want ours. Sure we've all dreamed of stardom at one point or another, but with reality TV and other outlets we all have a chance. Really??

We call it the Vicious Cycle. And it's out of control. Here's how it works.

1. People dream of fame. But they don't want to actually work at something to be good enough to get famous. So they think up ways of becoming famous. One way is to objectify themselves or act completely idiotic for laughs. Another way is to exploit their resources. Translation: Use their kids!

2. Enter reality shows. These shows look for people to open their lives for the rest of the world to see.

3. And boy do we watch!! The numbers get higher and higher each year. We are curious! This is an extreme form of rubber necking from the comfort of our own homes. Pretty cool!

4. Soon other networks get in the act and they produce shows that just TALK about the reality stars.
That's an interesting concept. Shows about other TV shows! Weird.

5. And we watch those too!

6. Now the magazines get in the act too. The paparazzi get paid big bucks to follow these reality TV stars around. Now everyone's making money hand over fist. Sweet!

7. And we buy those too! They're so fun to read. We call them our vacation treats. Along with a candy bar and a few other goodies, we gobble these up to enjoy on the road. OK, we'll admit, they're pretty good while doing our morning "duty."

8. So now everyone's making money and the reality kids start to feel entitled. They start behaving worse than they already did before they got on the show. And they're being encouraged by their parents. Nice!!

9. So now more networks, get in the act and more and more people are being recruited to do more extreme shows and more invasive shows.

10. Finally these kids grow up and continue to live their dream. They get their own reality shows and the vicious cycle begins again.

That is if they don't end up in jail, rehab or worse….dead!

WOW! we feel like we're missing something here??!!

THE GUYS

ps. Are you part of the vicious cycle? How do we change this? Or do we care?

"In" and "out" need each other to exist. That is a truism that will never be OUT!

In jazz music, when a player takes it "out" that player does away with the chord structure and plays free from constraint. If done right it's considered very hip. But "out" is only hip if "in" has been stated clearly. 

Hmmm….let's sum this up and even take it one step further. So without a contrasting "in" there would be no "out." In essence "out" would actually become "in."

OK, are you confused? We are!

Opposites need one another. Light is characterized as light because heavy exists. Down by Up. Large by Small. The same theory could also apply to politics. Without Democrats would the Republican party exist and vice versa?

The thing that's the most confusing is that the "In Crowd" changes more rapidly these days than our kids' birthday lists. Just a year ago, the "In Crowd" in Washington changed hands. This reversal set off a huge restructuring and repositioning within that community, but it also forced ordinary folks like us…. AND YOU…. to choose sides. And boy have we! The country is more polarized than we've ever seen it. Tolerance is clearly OUT, replaced by the new IN: smugness, arrogance and entitlement. It's scary!

But the problem with this paradigm, is that nothing ever gets done. WHY?  Because "in and out" are constantly vying for power and constantly changing. As soon as one becomes "in" the "out" does  everything it can to undermine the "in." Then things reverse and it happens again. An endless cycle that will be reborn again and again like the Hindu world of reincarnation. Enlightenment is only attained by breaking the cycle. Change is only made if we come together on SOMETHING!!!

So what can we agree on? 

Hmm….Not health care. Hmmm……Not global warming.  Hmm….not the death penalty. Hmm…not the war, or illegal immigrants, or food sources, or green living….or……anything????

And sure, disagreement and constructive discussions are all good. This country was formed on sweat and debate. Blah, blah…..to use our teenage neighbor's lingo…….Yeah, whatever dude!

So things kind of suck right now. Yeah, we said it. We're not sure what to make of it all. We don't even know where we stand because for ANY topic that comes to mind we can find enough information supporting both sides to fill our entire computer's hard drive! As we said earlier this week, our brains are frying with overload.

So we guess what it comes down to is, we all need to make decisions for ourselves. How do we do that?

Here are a few first steps we're taking:

Don't believe everything you hear on TV or read in the newspapers or magazines? Figure out what agenda is going on? Is there a hidden message? Who's actually delivering the message?

Same with information on the internet. Is someone making money off you thinking a certain way? What do they have to gain off you agreeing with them? Or disagreeing with them?

In some ways actually having an opinion solely your own is close to impossible. We are all influenced by the world around us. Our family, friends and co-workers. The ads on TV, billboards, radio, internet. The bumper stickers on cars. The paper. Magazines. You name it, it's in our face all of the time.

So while you're out and about, be careful what you take in. Corruption is on every street corner, ball field, bus stop and shopping mall.

If your brain hasn't completely short circuited yet, repeat this mantra: Our minds are our own.

Let's start acting like it!!!

Quiz:

Is it better being "in" on the way "out?" Or being "out" on the way "in?"

Hope you leave a comment OR answer!! We would love a huge outpouring of input.

Thanks,

THE GUYS