Our next Pet Peeve involves a guy named “Harry Baals(Balls)” and the building they’d like to name after him.

We move to “Ask the Guys” where we answer several new questions.

From Sandra: “Is he just a playa?”

From Jasmine: “How do I get over him?”

From Mariah: “Am I missing something?”

We answer relationship questions with thoughtful and honest opinions. Please feel free to leave us a note on the “Ask the Guys” page, or give us a call at: 347-855-GUYS.

Also, check out The Guy’s Network for the lastest relationship question, and our opinions. “Am I getting played: What’s his game?”

For many years we’ve all heard that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. And that may be true, but it’s not the reason people have conflicts in their relationships. It’s more often about HOW the two people argue and whether it’s constructive or not. When it’s not, often there’s a grudge holder in the mix that has a hard time letting go.

So what constitutes fighting badly?

1. Getting off topic and bringing up the past.

Dragging old arguments into new ones is just bad, bad, bad. But so easy to do! Politicians are good at this.

2. Comparing the other person to someone they know you don’t like.

This is will escalate the discussion into a fight faster than you can say……Dick Cheney.

3. Hurling insults or swears.

Like calling each other a Sarah Palin. There’s no reconciliation after you go rogue.

4. Constantly cutting off the other person to make your point. Or basically not listening.

Or you could call this “Rush Limbaughing” to judgement.

5. Holding a grudge.

Hmmm……..I’m not even going there on this one.

By the time you get to number 5, the discussion/argument/fight is over for one person, but not the other. The second person clings to the problem obsessively, preferring to be right over resolving the conflict. Sometimes, this only lasts for a short while and they they come to their senses. Sometimes it goes on forever and it gets brought up in the next argument, and so on.

This is the kind of argument that goes on in Washington every day. Bad fighting and grudge holding run in perpetual motion 365 days of the year. But we actually now have a president who’s trying to break the cycle and get down to the basic task of fixing this broken country. It’s a shame both sides can’t just work together.

And although, I stand behind the president, there are many on both sides who won’t let go of some of their grudges. For change to happen and problems to be solved, we need at least some of these people to forgive and forget.

But if that can’t happen, we can at least do our best to take care of our own business. We can take care of our little kingdoms scattered across this country. Because in actuality, we aren’t from Venus or Mars, but from this little planet called Earth.

ALL OF US!

THE GUYS

Take “30 Rock”  that show with Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey. Now I know this is going to ruffle some feathers, but I just don’t get it. I was at a holiday party last night and this guy kept going on about Alec Baldwin this and Alec Baldwin that. Well you know what? Alec Baldwin is mildly amusing, but he’s not funny. He just isn’t.

I have tried to watch that show on several occasions mainly because I’m a Tina Fey fan. She was wicked funny on SNL, but not really on “30 Rock.” The writing is just ordinary, and these days with so many choices, ordinary just doesn’t cut it. Good stories draw you in. They help you forget your troubles and make you believe in their world. But with that show, I found myself writing my “To Do List” on the coffee table.

The other thing that got me thinking about what is and isn’t funny was a botched collaboration attempt with a friend, for our comic strip, “The Malaprops.”

I asked my friend to be a guest illustrator and I sent him a few scripts. Instead of just a simple no or yes, I got a dissertation on the “correct” way to write a comic along with revisions. You can imagine my response. No it wasn’t that bad. We’re buddies. But it made me realize that two people truly can have completely different view points on humor. I know this is no amazing revelation, but I just assumed humor was obvious. Apparently it’s not!

So what or whom do I think is funny?

Chelsea Handler on “Chelsea Lately.” Her monologues are just OK, but her biting wit on the round table is priceless. And of course there’s Chuey.

Seinfeld. The writing is masterful. And the cast. Perfect frankly.

C.S. Lewis. The Screwtape Letters. Wicked!

Dilbert. I’m amazed that the strip is funny day in and day out.

The Hangover. I laughed out loud……..Four times. That’s rare.

The Colbert Report. What’s so funny, is that I never quite know if he’s serious. He keeps me guessing.

Richard Pryor, before he lit himself on fire.

Kids. Not necessarily my kids, although I think they’re funny, but kids in general. Their enthusiasm just cracks me up!

Monty Python. At least I used to think it was hysterical. I watched the “Holy Grail” with my oldest a few months ago and I still thought it was good, but not as good as I remember. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that it was my 30th time watching it. Oh damn, that number keeps coming up.

So maybe funny can’t really by pinned down. It wouldn’t do well in the UFC Octagon because it can’t be forced into submission. It’s subtle and nuanced just as we are. And clearly our sense of it changes over time as we “evolve” and grow.

But damn, “30 Rock” just isn’t funny!

Please share what’s funny to you.

And will SOMEBODY PLEASE enlighten me on this “30 Rock” thing. I truly would like to follow the masses. I’m all about being a worker bee.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

This news rocked my world. Not that I follow celebrities and athletes and their various extra-curricular activities too much. But Tiger….Well, he’s Tiger. I’ve always rooted for him in all aspects of his life, on and off the course. He’s always been so unique, so talented, so cool.

But now what? The GUYS and I have been working hard to promote men as emotionally stable, self-aware  beings. This news hardly helps our cause. I mean, Tiger??!!! I keep thinking it’s a bad joke, but apparently it’s far from that.

Tiger’s famous, with all the money in the world, a beautiful wife and two healthy children. And he’s the best golfer in the world, which is what he’s probably envied the most for. So how can he have any possible motivation to cheat? How does this even enter his psyche?

But let’s ask the bigger question, “Why do men cheat in general?”

Chris Rock famously said, “Men are only as faithful as their opportunities.” I get the joke, but I’m not so sure it really applies. Men cheat because they choose to cheat and because something is missing from their lives that they aren’t aware of. It’s not men who cheat, it’s individual men.

But it doesn’t hurt to at least look at the list that is most often cited for why guys cheat:

Guys crave variety.
Guys want more excitement, which includes chasing skirts.
Guys want to do things sexually that their wives don’t want to do.
Guys want to experience the “First” sensation again. First kiss. Love at first sight. First everything.
Guys get bored easily.

Sure those may all true, but mainly they’re just excuses. And I’ve talked to enough women to know that they want these things too.

The real reason is, these guys have never learned how to live in the real world. Instead, they live in a fantasy world of their own creation. And what a fun place to live.

Imagine a place where you can have love and security. You can have your ego stroked 24/7.  You get unconditional love. Lots of money and toys. Sex anytime you want with anyone you choose.  AND you have no responsibilities except making yourself happy. Wow, what a play land that is!!!!

However, therein lies the problem. These cheaters are not happy. They spend their lives searching, chasing, looking, only to find dead end after dead end. For them it’s all about the future, not THE NOW. But happiness comes from within. The rest is all about choice. What choices do I want to make? And how do my choices impact the people in my life?

Tiger is left to deal with the aftermath of his bad choices. I feel sorry for him, but I feel more sorry for his wife and kids. What a mess!!!! But this cheating thing isn’t a guy problem it’s a people problem. It’s individuals who haven’t evolved past an egocentric view of the world. And our society is feeding into that more and more. Everyone’s looking for instant gratification, instant success, instant fame. But it’s all just a facade. A cover up.

It’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to feel down or depressed. I’m not talking clinically, I just mean we constantly try to cover up uncomfortable emotions with stimuli, instead of exploring where the emotions are coming from or just experiencing them. Every emotion is part of the human experience and that in itself is wonderful.

I’m still rooting for Tiger. I’m still rooting for him to wake up and take a hard look at himself. Maybe it’s too late to fix the mess, but it’s not too late to make changes going forward.

And as far as the rest of us GUYS, we all have to make individual choices and stop making excuses for ourselves and our buddies. So ladies, don’t give up on us.

Because what would you do without us??   (OK, you don’t have to answer that)

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Anyway, they were talking about kids of Reality TV and how awful it is. And while we totally agree that the exploitation of kids for money is appalling, we also need to admit to some complicity. 

In the old days "movie stars" were revered and looked up to. But it was simple and pretty straight-forward. Stars were on the big screen or the little screen and that is where they stayed. Today, we not only want them on the big and small screens, we want a piece of their lives too. And if we can't get theirs we want ours. Sure we've all dreamed of stardom at one point or another, but with reality TV and other outlets we all have a chance. Really??

We call it the Vicious Cycle. And it's out of control. Here's how it works.

1. People dream of fame. But they don't want to actually work at something to be good enough to get famous. So they think up ways of becoming famous. One way is to objectify themselves or act completely idiotic for laughs. Another way is to exploit their resources. Translation: Use their kids!

2. Enter reality shows. These shows look for people to open their lives for the rest of the world to see.

3. And boy do we watch!! The numbers get higher and higher each year. We are curious! This is an extreme form of rubber necking from the comfort of our own homes. Pretty cool!

4. Soon other networks get in the act and they produce shows that just TALK about the reality stars.
That's an interesting concept. Shows about other TV shows! Weird.

5. And we watch those too!

6. Now the magazines get in the act too. The paparazzi get paid big bucks to follow these reality TV stars around. Now everyone's making money hand over fist. Sweet!

7. And we buy those too! They're so fun to read. We call them our vacation treats. Along with a candy bar and a few other goodies, we gobble these up to enjoy on the road. OK, we'll admit, they're pretty good while doing our morning "duty."

8. So now everyone's making money and the reality kids start to feel entitled. They start behaving worse than they already did before they got on the show. And they're being encouraged by their parents. Nice!!

9. So now more networks, get in the act and more and more people are being recruited to do more extreme shows and more invasive shows.

10. Finally these kids grow up and continue to live their dream. They get their own reality shows and the vicious cycle begins again.

That is if they don't end up in jail, rehab or worse….dead!

WOW! we feel like we're missing something here??!!

THE GUYS

ps. Are you part of the vicious cycle? How do we change this? Or do we care?