Category: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer


Cousins

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Sep.04, 2010

Dear Guys,

My husband recently had an emotional affair with someone in California. He has family out there also. That being said, after I confronted him about the affair- and thought that we had gotten over it, and we were doing better than ever- he said he still wanted to go visit family out in California. I reluctantly bought him the ticket to go, scared that he would not return like he promised. (Round trip ticket) I was right, he did not return on this ticket. Mind you the woman he was having the affair with is his cousin (I know, I know, I know…LOL….Jerry Springer all over it.) He stayed with her and her family for the two weeks he was supposed to be out there. (She is married with two kids.) As far as I could tell they avoided being alone together.

Anyway, now he is staying at a male cousin’s house. He says he wants to extend his visit and possibly get a job out there for a few months. So far he has not tried to get a job, like he said he was going to. And I don’t want him to do this. I want him to come home where he knows for a fact he has a job waiting for him. (At least two) He still says he loves me everyday and texts me throughout everyday and also sends pics of himself. He sends pics and texts to my son as well who is fifteen. He promised me before he left that he would come home, and says he will still keep that promise. In the mean time, I feel like my life is in limbo not knowing when he plans to return. He will not give me a date or a definite time frame for his return. So guys my question is basically this…would he keep saying he loves me in text and on the phone if he didn’t mean it? He is already out there 3,000 miles away from home, so I think if he didn’t mean it or wanted to stay out there and not return home he would just either drop off the face of the earth…..no texts and no phone calls.  And certainly no “I love yous.” (Sometimes just a love ya or a goodnight with love but usually love you) Can you guys help me shed some light on him? I want so badly to believe he will be returning. But the “not knowing” is driving me nuts.

Hummingbird

Dear Hummingbird,

Thanks for writing. This is complicated. And we won’t lie to you. The whole cousin angle kind of threw us a bit, but we’ll do our best.

We’re not exactly sure what you mean by an emotional affair. Do you know the extent of it? Did he talk with you about it? Or did you find it out covertly by seeing emails/texts? How far did it go? Did they discuss being together? If you’re not sure of these answers you should find out to what extent they were “together.”

And what about his cousin’s husband? Does he know what’s going on? It seems he probably doesn’t since your husband was staying with them.

We’re big on actions. Right now his actions are speaking much louder than his words. He may be saying he loves you, but then why isn’t he coming home? This is quite a mixed message.

Our sense is, he’s keeping his options open. He’s trying to establish a life for himself out in California, but if for some reason it doesn’t work out, he still has you to come back to. It seems if all he wanted to do was relocate, you would be part of the plan. He would be talking to you about WHEN you and your son would be joining him. Instead he’s kind of being vague, and that’s a sure sign that he’s being deceptive, at least about his intentions.

Relationships aren’t easy, and there are times when couples go through rough periods. During these difficult times communication breaks down. And that’s a big problem, because it’s during those times that couples need to communicate even more! You need to get him talking!!

So “Hummingbird,” stop wondering and get more proactive about this. It seems you’re almost afraid to ask him what’s really going on. But you have to get to the bottom of this for your own sanity and for the welfare of your son-and for the sake of your marriage. So talk to your husband. Ask him to come home to talk with you. Be assertive. If he won’t come home, you might have to take a trip out to California. (That’s a last resort because we know this would be expensive.) But you’re not really getting an accurate picture of what’s going on. You’re only getting what he chooses to tell you. The worst case scenario is, he decides to stay in California, and you’re left wondering with no answers.

And why are you buying the ticket for him? Are you supporting the family financially? We know these are tough economic times, but you shouldn’t be supporting his explorations. It sounds like you want to be a loving partner and that’s a wonderful thing. Relationships are about give and take. But it’s a two way street, and he’s not holding up his end of the bargain. So please don’t support him anymore with this. It’s not helping your relationship. If a guy accepts this kind of help, even if he’s grateful, he’s also resentful and feels emasculated. And if he doesn’t, well than that’s even worse. We call those guys, mooches!

Things haven’t ended yet, but they’re moving quickly in that direction. You deserve an explanation and some real straight talk. And if he’s not willing to volunteer this, then you need to force the issue. He owes you that much. And there still might be a chance to salvage your relationship. It does sound like he cares for you on some level, even if he’s confused.

We’re sorry this is so difficult. We wish people would live up to their commitments and be honest with the people they are closest with. But unfortunately many people don’t do this. The way your husband is dealing with his confusion is damaging your relationship, especially in the trust department. Even if you get through this, you’re still going to have to deal with the aftermath. This is going to take some strength on your part. And his.

We wish you the best. Let us know if you have any other questions.

THE GUYS


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The other woman

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Sep.02, 2010

Dear Guys,

I am 34 year old man married for 9 years. (The relationship has been rocky to say the least.)I have been told by my wife at times that she does not love me. We have a child together. Often she likes to go out after work with her co-worker single female friend.
I have recently been talking with a female co-worker who is younger than me and have been out for some drinks. Sometimes the subject turns towards sex. This is confusing.

Is she interested in me?

If I act on this my so called marriage will be over.

Jim

Dear Jim,

Thanks for writing. We can see how this would be confusing.

Let’s address your marriage first. Both you and your wife sound unclear how you feel about one another, and your marriage. So we’d like to know a few things. Do you still love your wife? If the two of you could work things out is that something you would ultimately want?

Many couples stay together because of the children. However, if a relationship is loveless, and/or full of stress and strife, this can have a negative impact on a child’s emotional and psychological well being. Many “experts” are now saying a healthy divorce-one where both parents are still working as a team to make things as smooth as possible for the kids-is actually a better situation than an unhealthy marriage. Could this be a reason you’re still together?

Jim, it would best to figure some of these things out first before you bring another person into the equation. The new person will only complicate matters, and confuse you more. She already has.

So let’s talk about this other person. It’s clear you’re attracted to her and are interested in her beyond just being friends. That in itself should tell you something about your marriage. The fact that you are open to having these types of feelings for another women is pretty telling. Sure, guys fantasize about women other than their partner. That’s pretty normal. (And yes, women have fantasies too.) But you’re well beyond a fantasy. You’ve gone out with this other woman, talked about sex, and are seriously considering taking it to the next level. That should give you some answers about how committed you are to your marriage.

However, be forewarned. This other woman is not the solution. Jumping to a new situation without resolving the existing one, only blurs things more. Are you leaving because you’re unhappy, or are you leaving because you want this other person? That’s a big distinction. There’s also no guarantee that you’ll stay with this woman, or that she feels about you, the same way you feel about her. You might have a month of fun, or even a year, or who knows, but you’ll still have your marriage to deal with at some point.

There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. You’re human, and it’s nice to feel wanted and loved. It doesn’t sound like you’re getting much of that from your marriage. And having this other woman in the picture, might be giving you the strength to take a hard look at your marriage. Is that what you’re hoping for? Are you really into this new woman, or are you just hoping she’ll  jump start the inevitable end of your marriage? We just think you need to ponder these questions because they’ll shed some light on your ultimate decision, whether you stay or go.

Good luck and keep us posted. Feel free to ask us more questions.

THE GUYS

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Is my marriage over?

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Sep.02, 2010

Dear Guys,

10 years ago I met a wonderful man and fell in love, I had one child from a previous relationship and we had 2 more children in the last 10 years.  Generally speaking we had been fairly happy as a couple and a family until recently.  In the last 2 years we have dealt with many stresses but I thought we were managing them well.  My “husband” (common-law) started a new job a year and a half ago working nights and I work days. We hardly see each other and only go to sleep together one night a week.  I too have made a change in my career recently.  I quit my job with his encouragement and support to find a new one closer to home. (I was commuting1.5hours to work).  Last week he told me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. He wants to move out and refuses to talk through what is bothering him with me or even a counselor.  I am shocked and heartbroken over this break up of my family.  Can you tell me how to understand what he may be thinking? Does he really mean  this or is something else going on?

He comes by everyday under the pretense of seeing the kids but spends all his time talking with me. When I call him he sounds annoyed, but when I ask if he’d like me not to call he won’t say yes or no?  I am confused.  So what do you guys think, is it really over?

Sue

Dear Sue,

Thanks for writing. We’re sorry you’re going through such a difficult time.

No, your marriage is not over. But unless you get him talking, and you find out what’s really going on with him, it will be.

Our first question to you is, are you sure there isn’t someone else? That was our gut reaction based on his actions. The fact that he doesn’t want to talk to a couples counselor, or you, makes us wonder. Sure, the person who initiates a break up is often much farther along in the process, but for a husband to just one day decide it’s over without talking about it, or trying to work something out, seems odd.

Working opposite schedules can put a strain on a relationship. The daily reconnection that couples typically have is very important. Even discussing mundane things is a reminder that you’re a team, and you’re working together to make it all work. Now of course, not everyone has the luxury to do this. You didn’t.

Obviously he still cares for you, but he’s forgotten why he loved you in the first place. The stereotype is, guys connect on a very physical basis, where women want more of an emotional connection. But really, both genders need a balance of both. It sounds like neither of you were getting what they needed over the course of the past two years. You’ve been able to handle the strain, and he hasn’t. The strain is no excuse though, but we’re trying to help you figure this out. A lot of couples endure much more stress than conflicting schedules. So once again, you need to get him talking somehow.

We’re pulling for you Sue. We hope you can work through this together to put the pieces of your marriage and family back in place. Communication is the key to this.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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Dating my friend’s ex

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.30, 2010

Dear Guys,
Well, I have a best friend who I really like, but I don’t know how to tell him. We have been talking a lot and I’ve been getting mixed signs from him. Like he’ll just step out of his way for nothing to try and get next to me or talk to me. It’s a bit more complicated than just that. He used to date my other best friend and I don’t know what to do. We don’t keep in touch like I do with the guy I like, but she and I still talk and I feel a bit guilty.

I really like this guy and I have a lot of trouble trying to get him to understand that since I’m really shy about my feelings especially if it’s concerning a guy I like. How can I tell him I like him without causing my friend to dislike me?

Thanks,

Adrastea

Dear Adrastea,

Thanks for writing.

Good for you for caring about your friend’s feelings. In this “ME FIRST” world, that’s refreshing to hear.

Here’s the bad news. If you want to pursue this guy, it’s possible you are going to upset your girlfriend. That’s not for certain, but it might happen.

If you’re feeling guilty, why don’t you call her up and ask her out to lunch. Talk with her. Tell her that you really like her ex, but you don’t want to ruin the friendship you have with her. She may not even care, especially if she’s moved on and is dating someone else. Either way she’ll appreciate your honesty and that you cared enough about her to let her know. We’re not saying ask for her permission. You don’t have to do that. But if you value the relationship you have with her, it’s worth talking to her.

Like we said, you can’t control other people’s reactions. If you spend your life worrying about how your actions impact everyone around you, you are going to be an unhappy camper. It’s great to be aware how your decisions affect others, but sometimes you just have to do what makes you happy. (We realize this goes against our original statement, but it’s all about finding the right balance.)

We’re sure you’ll do what’s right. You have a good heart Adrastea.

Good luck. And keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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Dating, deployment, decisions

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.29, 2010

Hello Guys,
My name is Stephanie and I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. We are both in the military so of course we are apart most of the time. Things were great at the beginning, but we went through some rough times. We got through them though.

I found out he had cheated on me and I forgave him. He promised to change and he did. I deployed, and well our relationship became very distant, and I ended up cheating on him, and he found out about it as well. He told me we would work through it, and we did. However I kept in contact with this other guy for a while and my boyfriend told me to stop all communication with him. I told him I would but I didn’t. So this in fact brought more problems to our relationship. So I eventually cut off communication with this guy and I have been trying to prove myself to my boyfriend ever since.

However, I feel that he has become very distant towards me. He is busy with work, but he does not seemed to be bothered by the fact that I am scared for our relationship. He tells me everything is fine, and that I am just paranoid!
I find myself bringing up things that start an argument between us, and then we get upset and end up not speaking to each other for days.

I am supposed to go see him in about 2 weeks and I’m excited but scared at the same time. He always tells me that we are fine and that I need to stop with all the accusations and talk about us not being okay because we are.
He says that the reason he is distant is because I always want to argue and he is tired of it. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

He says that he is still in love with me and that he obviously does love and care about me. I’m just confused. I don’t know if I am paranoid or if this is really over??

Can someone please give me some advice.

Stephanie

Dear Stephanie,

Thanks for writing.

Your relationship is only over when you decide you don’t want to try anymore, or if your boyfriend decides he doesn’t want to try anymore. What’s happened is that the trust between the two of you has been damaged by both of your indiscretions. That type of damage can last a long time, even if you’ve worked through a lot of it. Earning back trust can take years, and often it’s never earned back. Feel good that you’ve both forgiven each other. Most couple don’t get that far.

The long distance nature of your relationship also adds to the overall feeling of insecurity and uncertainty you’re feeling. You have to rely on words alone, not body language, or a daily hug, or anything else that might make you feel more certain about the relationship. And when trust has already been breached, the distance only exacerbates the problem.

So the question is, do you believe what he’s saying? And that’s solely up to you Stephanie. He sounds sincere when he says he still loves you. But do you believe him?

We can understand why he doesn’t want to argue anymore. Arguing is exhausting, emotionally and physically, and if that’s all you’re doing right now, that’s even more exhausting. Once again the distance just amplifies this, because communication is being done by phone, Skype, email or text. Once you hang up, or finish the last email, you are both left feeling sad and lonely, with no one to process with. That’s tough.

You two need to do some talking that’s for sure. However, you also need to remember that you love each other. What we mean is, you need to remember WHY you fell for each other in the first place. This means, enjoying each other’s company WITHOUT fighting or arguing, at least for this next visit.

So maybe you need to trust the words he’s saying and just try to enjoy your upcoming visit. If you’re truly going to be together, you don’t need to hash everything out when you see him in a few weeks. Try having some fun, and postpone all the heavy stuff for another time. Celebrate what brought you together in the first place. But make a pact that at some date in the near future you’re going to discuss your relationship. That should not be ignored, and he should be on board with this. You in particular need to process how you’re feeling, and he should respect that and be open to it. But you also need to respect that he’s tired of arguing, and try to be a little lighter, at least for now.

If you still love him Stephanie, you owe it to yourself to keep trying. After this upcoming visit, you’ll have a much better sense of how you feel, and how he feels. We can’t say whether it will work out or not, but you won’t have any regrets, and that’s all you can really ask of yourself in this life.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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Out of work

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.27, 2010

Dear Guys,

I am in need of advice on how to best help my guy who is dealing with the difficult task of finding a job where there are no longer jobs.  He lives in another city and we have been in a relationship for the past year which is working out great. However, he is becoming more and more frustrated at not being able to locate the kind of job he is qualified for in the area where he lives.  Today he was hoping to get hired at a job which he interviewed for last week and was told today that they hired in-house. I do not know how to help him through this or what to say or do?  I told him I am here for him.  I do not want to say or do the wrong thing to make him withdraw from me.

What are your thoughts…

Thanks for your help,

Pam

Dear Pam,

Thanks for your note. These are difficult times for many folks who are out of work.

Men often define themselves by their job, especially if they enjoy what they’re doing, or if they’re making a lot of money. And when things don’t go well, these guys struggle the most. It’s not just a matter of financial security, but also emotional well being, and sense of self. These feelings can snowball into frustration, anger, and depression. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Your guy may, or may not, want to talk with you about his struggles. But your “job” is to listen as best you can. Many guys will just keep it all inside, because to speak it out loud, is to admit weakness and defeat-similar to guys who won’t ask for directions even when they’re hopelessly lost. So be supportive by letting him know you love him, and that you’re there for him. (It sounds like you’re already doing this.)

If you want to actively help, we would suggest doing small things. If you happen to see a job listing he might be interested in forward it to him. Or if you have a connection he might benefit from talking to, mention it to him. But be careful here, this could backfire. He might be very open to it, but he also might think you’re coddling him and resent you.

So the best thing to do Pam, is to talk to him, especially before you try to help him out. Tell him how you’re feeling and ask him what he’d like from you. He certainly doesn’t want you feeling sorry for him, but he will appreciate knowing that you’re there, and that you care. He probably already does, and may or may not be expressing this to you. Ask him if he’d like your help.  And if he doesn’t, drop it. Also keep in mind, that since you’re his girlfriend, he might take his frustration out on you. People sometimes do this with the people they are closest with. If this happens, try to be patient, but also let him know that you’re trying to help, and that his situation impacts you as well, because you care.

And finally we would say, the little things help. When you visit, try to focus on having lots of fun, but without spending tons of money. Maybe plan some outings, like a hike with a picnic, or dinner at home, with something “special” planned for dessert. You get the idea. He’ll appreciate the distraction.

Just be yourself Pam. That’s really all you can do. If you’re relationship is solid, built on trust, respect and good communication, you’ll weather this hard time.

Good luck to you and him. We’re hoping for the best for both of you.

Keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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I like your personality

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.21, 2010

Dear Guys,

Not to be vain, but I’m a pretty girl…not big on the whole pound of make-up and constantly picture perfect thing, but it seems like every guy I’m interested in always says the same thing first…they like my style, or they like my personality…
I always thought that if a guy says that he’s not genuinely interested, just attracted enough to screw…any way, my question is, what does it mean when a guy right off the bat says “I really like your personality…”

Craigory

Dear Craigory,

Thanks for your question.

This statement, “I like your personality,” is not the kiss of death that women think it is. Context is everything here. Most guys aren’t going to come right out and tell you you’re beautiful, or that they want to get you in bed, so they might say, “I really like your personality.” That’s a safe way to approach you. It’s all part of the game.

It is possible they actually do like your style. Maybe you have a certain flair that’s undeniable, and one that guys notice right away. That’s a good thing! Wouldn’t you prefer they liked you for a combination of traits rather than just your looks? So be happy that you have much to offer.

However, when guys talk to their buddies it’s a whole different story. Every stereotype you’ve ever heard about guys is true in this case. We want to know about looks first. Is she hot? Is she cute? How’s her body? We want specifics. It’s just a curiosity thing. That doesn’t mean we don’t care about other qualities in women, it’s just that our prehistoric roots enter the equation when we talk amongst ourselves.

Finally, the most important thing is to be true to yourself. Don’t change, or act differently just to get a guy to like you. Celebrate your uniqueness, pursue the things that make you happy. Your happiness and zest for life will shine through. And truly those are the most attractive qualities anyone can have.

All the best.

THE GUYS

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He stares and he’s mean

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.20, 2010

Dear Guys,

Okay so there’s this guy at my school who I’ve known since second grade. We used to be best friends in elementary but now he’s just mean to me, stares, and comments rudely on almost everything I do. I’m not the only one who catches him staring at me because he does it a lot. Sometimes even the teacher will tease him about it. He also gets jealous when I talk to other guys, and so he interrupts. But he’s in a different social status than me, him being more popular than me, and being known as a jerk to most. But then people never really knew him like I did. I’m confused on whether he really likes me or not.

Jesse

Dear Jesse,

Thanks for writing.

Understanding the psyche of a high school boy is like trying to understand the weather. Thousands of meteorologists around the world try to predict the weather every day and they usually only get it right 50% of the time, and that’s if they’re good.

It is possible-and maybe likely-this old friend of yours likes you, but as far as we’re concerned it doesn’t matter. You need to take him at face value. He’s mean to you. He doesn’t treat you with respect. He’s immature, even for a young man, and he he’s got a lot of growing up to do.

It is possible-and likely-that he’ll learn as the years progress. He’ll hopefully have his share of hard knocks, and he’ll gain some perspective. And hopefully he’ll grow and evolve from these experiences.

But for now Jesse, he needs to marinade by himself. We’re sure there are plenty of very nice young men in your school. Start hanging out with them. And who knows, maybe your friend is a fast learner.

Good luck.

THE GUYS

ps. Why is the teacher commenting on the situation?

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He hides our relationship

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.19, 2010

Dear Guys,

So I’ve dated this guy for a while now, and it’s been a known fact between us that he doesn’t want anyone to know we’re dating. I was fine with it for a while but it started bothering me. I try to get into conversations with him about it and ask him why he doesn’t want anyone to know, but he never really answers, he just changes the subject. I know I might just be acting sensitive but it kind of feels like he’s ashamed of being my boyfriend which hurts. I’ve asked my friends and they constantly say break up with him, while others say he’s just being protective. I doubt the latter since when his friends or other guys flirt with me, he just stands there and acts like it’s not happening. Why does he act the way he does and should I break up with him?

June

Dear June,

Thanks for writing. We haven’t seen this type of situation in a long time. We can see how this would be hurtful to you. We’re sorry.

Unfortunately we don’t have good news for you. We can’t think of any positive reason he would want to hide this relationship. When people are happy to be with someone they typically want to tell the world. Sure, sometimes people hide things from their parents if they know they might not approve, but they certainly wouldn’t hide it from their friends.

As far as him being protective, it’s unlikely. That really doesn’t make any sense to us. Protective from what? If he was being protective he would be acting completely the opposite. He would want EVERYONE to know because he’d be claiming his territory. If he was being protective he wouldn’t let you leave his side, and he wouldn’t want other guys to talk with you or interact with you. (That wouldn’t be good either.)

June, we like to give answers that help people figure things out for themselves, but we don’t see this relationship going anywhere, and frankly it doesn’t sound like it’s good for your self-esteem. You need to take care of yourself, and make sure the relationships you pick boost your self-esteem, and energize, and empower you, not make you feel worried and insecure.

We hope this helps you put things into perspective.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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Long distance relationship

Filed Under: Relationship Advice: Question/Answer
Aug.17, 2010

Dear Guys,

I have been dating this guy that lives in AZ for the last 4 months. I’m in California. We get alone well and seem to enjoy each other’s company when we get together almost every other weekend.

But now I’m not seeing him for a month. So I like to talk on the phone every day. For me it helps keep us closer. Lately he hasn’t been very crazy about talking too much or too long. I understand because sometimes we talk at 1am-2am.

So I guess I would like to know how to approach this and what kind of ideas you have to make this time apart more fun. Or give some suggestions on ways to cope with the distance.  In a way, I guess more for me, since I seem to be the one who he needs more reinforcement with love or attention. This is hard at times, but when we see each other it’s good and worth it…thank you!

Patricia

Dear Patricia,

Thanks for writing.

Long distance relationships, are by nature more difficult than a regular relationship. Both people have to be even more diligent about keeping in close contact and being sensitive to the other person’s needs. Otherwise the bond can lose some of its elasticity.

Insecurities can also mount for one person or both, because the comfort of knowing your partner will be home for dinner every night isn’t there. And when insecurities enter into the equation the imagination-or maybe not the imagination-can start to run wild…….What’s he doing? Is he out at a bar? Are there other women involved? Does he not care about me anymore? Is he cheating? And so it goes.

In your case Patricia it doesn’t sound like he’s doing any of these things. At first he was probably happy to talk with you for hours every day, but trying to sustain that, AND go to work, pay the bills, do the chores, can get to be very difficult. To us, he just sounds like he’s resumed his daily life. That doesn’t mean he’s not into you, but it means that balance has been restored, at least for him. His initial rush of hormones have receded to a more manageable level, and he’s back to taking care of business. Don’t worry, as soon as he sees you, everything will come rushing back. At least we hope!

So here are a few suggestions to help you keep in touch, and have some fun. Try limiting the phone conversations to three long ones per week(1 hour), and then maybe three short ones.(5-10 minutes) That will take some of the pressure off. Get a texting plan. Don’t go crazy. But a few texts sprinkled throughout the day could be fun. Maybe even a few “suggestive” ones to spice things up. (Be aware that it’s easy to keep a record of texts….ala Tiger Woods)

What about a daily email? Or send each other a special gift once a week? Alternate weeks. One week you send him a surprise, and another week he does. Make these little things and not expensive. It’s the thought that counts. Use your imagination. We’re sure you can think of something  creative. (Articles of your clothing-and not one of your jackets!, Something engraved that’s small, movie tickets for when you come visit, etc.) Even an actual written letter is quite romantic and very fun to get! It shows how much you care.

Hang in there Patricia. Women are usually much better at keeping in touch in general, so you might have to do a little more of the prompting. But we just want to throw something out there. We don’t know what your plans are, but after another 2-4 months or so, it’s completely reasonable to ask him where things are going. You can’t have a long distance relationship forever, unless you really like it that way. And the whole goal is to one day be together in the same town, or maybe in the same house, if you love each other!

And one final thought. While you’re apart, you might want to keep yourself busy doing some new things.  A book club. Learn a new language. Take a class. Pick up the guitar. Whatever.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

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