Comments for The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com We're fresh, in a good way.™ Mon, 21 May 2012 21:38:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-104275 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 21:38:59 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-104275 @Claycamoturtle.......Honestly, the why is less important as how you decide to behave from here on out. We can't tell you what the right thing for you to do is. This is a personal decision. And involves only you and your husband. What we can say is stay away from that other man. And keep your drinking to a minimum, or only in the presence of your husband, and then focus on being a loving and respectful spouse. We agree that you shouldn't be held hostage by a stupid decision that you committed a long time ago, but it's up to you whether or not you are able to break free of its hold. Thoughts? Would anyone else like to add to this? @Claycamoturtle…….Honestly, the why is less important as how you decide to behave from here on out. We can’t tell you what the right thing for you to do is. This is a personal decision. And involves only you and your husband. What we can say is stay away from that other man. And keep your drinking to a minimum, or only in the presence of your husband, and then focus on being a loving and respectful spouse. We agree that you shouldn’t be held hostage by a stupid decision that you committed a long time ago, but it’s up to you whether or not you are able to break free of its hold. Thoughts?

Would anyone else like to add to this?

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by claycamoturtle http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-104270 claycamoturtle Mon, 21 May 2012 21:21:59 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-104270 I will most definately wait on telling. It was a horrible drunken mistake, one that could destroy lives. I don't want to tell just to make myself feel better. That's not fair to anyone involved. My husband and I have a very strong relationship and I love him very much. We have been through a lot together and I don't want to throw it all away because I got too drunk one night and I'm having trouble living with myself. Since the whole incident, I have changed. The guy.. he has become a whole different more horrible person but she loves him. I don't want to take that away from her just because I feel guilty. I need to find a way to cope with the guilt and live with it. As far as I know, the guy hasn't cheated on her other than that one time with me, he just has his own list of problems and growing up. But with me, I just need to get over the guilt. Since then I do not drink like that, if/when I do drink, I quit as soon as my husband does weather I'm ready to or not. I have done everything in my power to keep from being alone with the guy because I fear he will make another move and if so, when I deny letting him so much as touch me in any way, he may get mad and tell anyway. I hope the steps I take now are a good way to avoid this in the future. I don't want to cheat again, I never wanted to in the first place but my drunk self did, and I am doing everything I can to avoid this happening again. Do you think that's enough to make up for not telling? I feel i'm avoiding the whole deciding to have drinks together part even tho there is no attraction. (referring to the coworkers drinking and messing around part) Is that enough to feel less guilty about the incident? Does the fact that my husband is my one and only actual sexual partner make a difference as to why I did this? One time many years ago I talked to him about curiosities I had about other guys because I was not experienced like he was and sometimes I feel like that's why I let it happen. I feel like I'm trying to justify my horrible act when I think that tho... But I will read the book and see if it can give me any insights. I will also save this page because for years I've had nothing and this is the closest to help I've had for getting through this. Maybe talking to about it will help keep me from destroying lives. Thank you guys for making this page. I will most definately wait on telling. It was a horrible drunken mistake, one that could destroy lives. I don’t want to tell just to make myself feel better. That’s not fair to anyone involved. My husband and I have a very strong relationship and I love him very much. We have been through a lot together and I don’t want to throw it all away because I got too drunk one night and I’m having trouble living with myself. Since the whole incident, I have changed. The guy.. he has become a whole different more horrible person but she loves him. I don’t want to take that away from her just because I feel guilty. I need to find a way to cope with the guilt and live with it. As far as I know, the guy hasn’t cheated on her other than that one time with me, he just has his own list of problems and growing up. But with me, I just need to get over the guilt. Since then I do not drink like that, if/when I do drink, I quit as soon as my husband does weather I’m ready to or not. I have done everything in my power to keep from being alone with the guy because I fear he will make another move and if so, when I deny letting him so much as touch me in any way, he may get mad and tell anyway. I hope the steps I take now are a good way to avoid this in the future. I don’t want to cheat again, I never wanted to in the first place but my drunk self did, and I am doing everything I can to avoid this happening again. Do you think that’s enough to make up for not telling? I feel i’m avoiding the whole deciding to have drinks together part even tho there is no attraction. (referring to the coworkers drinking and messing around part) Is that enough to feel less guilty about the incident? Does the fact that my husband is my one and only actual sexual partner make a difference as to why I did this? One time many years ago I talked to him about curiosities I had about other guys because I was not experienced like he was and sometimes I feel like that’s why I let it happen. I feel like I’m trying to justify my horrible act when I think that tho… But I will read the book and see if it can give me any insights. I will also save this page because for years I’ve had nothing and this is the closest to help I’ve had for getting through this. Maybe talking to about it will help keep me from destroying lives. Thank you guys for making this page.

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-104260 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 20:28:21 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-104260 @Claycamoturtle.........To tell or to not tell is a judgement call for each person. You say you are having a hard time living with the guilt. Well, that's a possible indicator that you need to do something about this situation. Talking about it here is a first step. So let's start with your first question. Did you cheat? Well, ask yourself, "If my husband did what I did would I consider it cheating?" If he performed oral sex on some woman, whether drunk or not, what would you think? Would you excuse his actions because he was drunk? So yes, from a guy's perspective, you most definitely cheated on your husband. No one can actually be coaxed into cheating—a person could be forced but then that would not be cheating it would be rape. So, a part of you like you said, must have been interested enough to put yourself in a position where something like that could happen. It's like when co-workers who are attracted to each other, decide to have drinks together. Then after a few drinks, they end up screwing around and thus cheating on their prospective spouses. When was the line crossed? We would say the line was crossed when they both agreed to get drinks. Because at that moment they could have walked away. They both knew what was going to happen but they proceeded anyway. Sure, it's easier said than done. But, people have more control than they'd think. You also mention other flirting/crushes, etc. To some people those would also be cheating. (But not to all.) Some people feel emotional cheating is almost worse. But typically men care more about physical cheating. So now that your fears are confirmed what should you do? Honestly, only you can answer that. If your husband never found and you stayed happily married out would you be okay with that? In some ways, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. But for someone with a conscience, it's like living a lie. And now this lie is eating at you. So what do you think? If you tell him you need to be prepared for the worst. (He might leave you.) If you don't, you have to be prepared for more guilt. (Read, "Crime and Punishment" by Dostoevsky) And what about your friend? And her husband? What happens when they find out? (Although her husband sounds like a scoundrel) So you have a lot to think about. We wouldn't rush into this. Give it some more thought. Read some of the other people's comments. And feel free to ask us some more questions. We're pulling for you because we hate to see couples break up. Good luck and take care. @Claycamoturtle………To tell or to not tell is a judgement call for each person. You say you are having a hard time living with the guilt. Well, that’s a possible indicator that you need to do something about this situation. Talking about it here is a first step. So let’s start with your first question. Did you cheat? Well, ask yourself, “If my husband did what I did would I consider it cheating?” If he performed oral sex on some woman, whether drunk or not, what would you think? Would you excuse his actions because he was drunk? So yes, from a guy’s perspective, you most definitely cheated on your husband. No one can actually be coaxed into cheating—a person could be forced but then that would not be cheating it would be rape. So, a part of you like you said, must have been interested enough to put yourself in a position where something like that could happen. It’s like when co-workers who are attracted to each other, decide to have drinks together. Then after a few drinks, they end up screwing around and thus cheating on their prospective spouses. When was the line crossed? We would say the line was crossed when they both agreed to get drinks. Because at that moment they could have walked away. They both knew what was going to happen but they proceeded anyway. Sure, it’s easier said than done. But, people have more control than they’d think. You also mention other flirting/crushes, etc. To some people those would also be cheating. (But not to all.) Some people feel emotional cheating is almost worse. But typically men care more about physical cheating. So now that your fears are confirmed what should you do? Honestly, only you can answer that. If your husband never found and you stayed happily married out would you be okay with that? In some ways, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him. But for someone with a conscience, it’s like living a lie. And now this lie is eating at you. So what do you think? If you tell him you need to be prepared for the worst. (He might leave you.) If you don’t, you have to be prepared for more guilt. (Read, “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky) And what about your friend? And her husband? What happens when they find out? (Although her husband sounds like a scoundrel) So you have a lot to think about. We wouldn’t rush into this. Give it some more thought. Read some of the other people’s comments. And feel free to ask us some more questions. We’re pulling for you because we hate to see couples break up. Good luck and take care.

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by claycamoturtle http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-104255 claycamoturtle Mon, 21 May 2012 19:48:32 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-104255 Ok, I've read these and debating on asking my question so here goes..... I just have so much guilt over what happened and I haven't told anyone. I feel like it was cheating but others would say not really so I'm looking to find out, did I cheat? Do I tell? After these few years, I still feel so guilty. One night a few years ago I was coaxed into giving a guy friend head. I admit that I was attracted to him in a way, like I thought he was cute, but I never really wanted to do that. He is my close friend's husband and once they got married, he pretty much stopped being a guy to me. I thought that was cool, but back then we all used to drink together and this is how it happened. I was very very drunk and in and out of my right mind. I remember going outside to smoke and then him in front of me and I did push him away but I don't remember getting up. I blacked out again and came to again and we were in the same position. I want to tell my husband because I feel like it was my fault for getting that drunk and if I really wanted to say no, I would have and I feel he will tell me it is something I wanted because I used to like to hang out with the guy friend when I was drunk. In my defense, I only liked hanging out with him because he would always play games with me. (video games) But anyway, after that happened, there were times we were alone and he would try to push himself on me and twice I touched "it" while sober. I felt bad about it but part of me got excited. I never had actual sex with him but I think the fact that part of me got excited makes me feel guilty as can be. Before this incident I used to talk to guys in chat rooms and build relationships with them or develope crushes on guys I knew personally but since before the incident with the cheating, I stopped talking to these nameless strangers and I stopped developing these crushes. I have no want for anything like that. I know the chatting and crushes was due to a deep need to be wanted. I had a very rough childhood that scarred me in way of male relationships. I feel I am past that now because I have no urges in that way at all. In dreams I even turn away men I've most lusted after during my crush phase. But I still feel so guilty about what happened. I want to tell my husband everything. We have been together over 10 years and I feel horrible for hiding this from him but I don't want to hurt him over something like this. I don't want to throw away what is otherwise an almost perfect relationship now because of those things in the past. I don't even think about guys like that anymore. How can I get past the guilt? I feel so guilty now that I have trouble sleeping. It's always been there but it's worse now because I keep thinking I'll get in some kind of position where I'll end up in a hospital and have to be drugged and I'll end up telling him everything. How do I get past this point?? Telling him would only hurt him and for what? So I don't feel guilty about what happened? I feel I should suffer this guilt for what I did. I guess I'm looking for support? I dunno, any advise would be greatly appreciated. Everything you guys say seems so well thought out before being posted. Thanks!! Ok, I’ve read these and debating on asking my question so here goes….. I just have so much guilt over what happened and I haven’t told anyone. I feel like it was cheating but others would say not really so I’m looking to find out, did I cheat? Do I tell? After these few years, I still feel so guilty. One night a few years ago I was coaxed into giving a guy friend head. I admit that I was attracted to him in a way, like I thought he was cute, but I never really wanted to do that. He is my close friend’s husband and once they got married, he pretty much stopped being a guy to me. I thought that was cool, but back then we all used to drink together and this is how it happened. I was very very drunk and in and out of my right mind. I remember going outside to smoke and then him in front of me and I did push him away but I don’t remember getting up. I blacked out again and came to again and we were in the same position. I want to tell my husband because I feel like it was my fault for getting that drunk and if I really wanted to say no, I would have and I feel he will tell me it is something I wanted because I used to like to hang out with the guy friend when I was drunk. In my defense, I only liked hanging out with him because he would always play games with me. (video games) But anyway, after that happened, there were times we were alone and he would try to push himself on me and twice I touched “it” while sober. I felt bad about it but part of me got excited. I never had actual sex with him but I think the fact that part of me got excited makes me feel guilty as can be. Before this incident I used to talk to guys in chat rooms and build relationships with them or develope crushes on guys I knew personally but since before the incident with the cheating, I stopped talking to these nameless strangers and I stopped developing these crushes. I have no want for anything like that. I know the chatting and crushes was due to a deep need to be wanted. I had a very rough childhood that scarred me in way of male relationships. I feel I am past that now because I have no urges in that way at all. In dreams I even turn away men I’ve most lusted after during my crush phase. But I still feel so guilty about what happened. I want to tell my husband everything. We have been together over 10 years and I feel horrible for hiding this from him but I don’t want to hurt him over something like this. I don’t want to throw away what is otherwise an almost perfect relationship now because of those things in the past. I don’t even think about guys like that anymore. How can I get past the guilt? I feel so guilty now that I have trouble sleeping. It’s always been there but it’s worse now because I keep thinking I’ll get in some kind of position where I’ll end up in a hospital and have to be drugged and I’ll end up telling him everything. How do I get past this point?? Telling him would only hurt him and for what? So I don’t feel guilty about what happened? I feel I should suffer this guilt for what I did. I guess I’m looking for support? I dunno, any advise would be greatly appreciated. Everything you guys say seems so well thought out before being posted. Thanks!!

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by Patty http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-104254 Patty Mon, 21 May 2012 19:42:29 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-104254 Thank you very much for your response. I did tell him since the very beginning about me being bi. I need to clarify though that I'm not a full bisexual person; meaning, I don't date women, hit on women or go after women when I go out and I told him so. I also told him I don't want to be in a relationship with a woman. My thing for girls is merely fantasy. I've only been with one girl for crying out loud so I'm not hard-core. I assured him that I want a relationship with a man. And I also said I was willing to leave that behind (the girl thing) as a proof I only want to be with him. He still thinks I betrayed him...so there's nothing else I can do but to wait and see. I emailed him yesterday. I left a door open for him to know he can come back to me. I laid my feelings out to him. He didn't respond. Ultimately, I believe everything happens for a reason. If he doesn't come back to me, I'll accept he's moved on and I'll move on as well. And yes, although he's not as open minded as I am, we actually have lots of things in common. I'm a little wild, but have some traditional thoughts as well and he knows it. But I can't control his feelings. I don't think I should insist no more after my last email. I've reached out to him and he know where I stand at. If a man wants to be with me, then he'll be, you know? If he can't forgive or let go of something minor like this (major for him), then I guess he doesn't accept me for who I am and therefore we aren't meant to be. Thank you again for your advice. Thank you very much for your response. I did tell him since the very beginning about me being bi. I need to clarify though that I’m not a full bisexual person; meaning, I don’t date women, hit on women or go after women when I go out and I told him so. I also told him I don’t want to be in a relationship with a woman. My thing for girls is merely fantasy. I’ve only been with one girl for crying out loud so I’m not hard-core. I assured him that I want a relationship with a man. And I also said I was willing to leave that behind (the girl thing) as a proof I only want to be with him. He still thinks I betrayed him…so there’s nothing else I can do but to wait and see. I emailed him yesterday. I left a door open for him to know he can come back to me. I laid my feelings out to him. He didn’t respond. Ultimately, I believe everything happens for a reason. If he doesn’t come back to me, I’ll accept he’s moved on and I’ll move on as well. And yes, although he’s not as open minded as I am, we actually have lots of things in common. I’m a little wild, but have some traditional thoughts as well and he knows it. But I can’t control his feelings. I don’t think I should insist no more after my last email. I’ve reached out to him and he know where I stand at. If a man wants to be with me, then he’ll be, you know? If he can’t forgive or let go of something minor like this (major for him), then I guess he doesn’t accept me for who I am and therefore we aren’t meant to be. Thank you again for your advice.

]]> Comment on I suggested Friends with Benefits (FWB): Did I just dig myself into a hole? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-suggested-friends-with-benefits-fwb-did-i-just-dig-myself-into-a-hole/comment-page-1/#comment-104250 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 19:23:41 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4412#comment-104250 @Ciery.......While we aren't going to encourage you to do a hook up with this guy—mainly because hook ups in general aren't the best way to go— we will answer your question. First of all, he's moving, which automatically puts whatever the two of you do into the "casual" category. What else could it be unless you were both ready to try a long distance relationship? You didn't mention your age, but we're sensing you are younger, so that sort of relationship is unlikely. How do you let him know you want to be with him? Just flirt and kind of put it out there. If he's interested at all, or attracted to you at all, that's all it should take. Guys are pretty simple. And if a woman they are attracted to shows some sort of interest in dating or sex, it's pretty much a done deal as long as they make it known. You see, we're trying to tell you w/out actually saying it because again, we don't want to encourage you to do something you'll regret later. But it's up to you. Hope this helps a little. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks! ps. You might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page, especially Charlotte Pescale's "Rebecca, a memoir." Enjoy! @Ciery…….While we aren’t going to encourage you to do a hook up with this guy—mainly because hook ups in general aren’t the best way to go— we will answer your question. First of all, he’s moving, which automatically puts whatever the two of you do into the “casual” category. What else could it be unless you were both ready to try a long distance relationship? You didn’t mention your age, but we’re sensing you are younger, so that sort of relationship is unlikely. How do you let him know you want to be with him? Just flirt and kind of put it out there. If he’s interested at all, or attracted to you at all, that’s all it should take. Guys are pretty simple. And if a woman they are attracted to shows some sort of interest in dating or sex, it’s pretty much a done deal as long as they make it known. You see, we’re trying to tell you w/out actually saying it because again, we don’t want to encourage you to do something you’ll regret later. But it’s up to you. Hope this helps a little. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks! ps. You might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” Enjoy!

]]> Comment on I suggested Friends with Benefits (FWB): Did I just dig myself into a hole? by Ciery http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-suggested-friends-with-benefits-fwb-did-i-just-dig-myself-into-a-hole/comment-page-1/#comment-104248 Ciery Mon, 21 May 2012 19:13:54 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4412#comment-104248 Okay, I'm that typically girl who really doesn't date guys. I mean I usally don't even flirt with guys I like, I've always been like this and I don't know why! So here's my problem. There's this guy who I really like, but he's moving soon. I don't want anything serious but kinda like a fling. I've moved things really fast because I ready to be "spontaneous". Here's the part I'm confused on. How do I tell him, that I'm not looking for something serious? I'm not really experienced at these hook-up things,( this would be my first time!) and I'm not for sure what to do. Like, I just really want to get with this guy, but I stuck on how to ask if he wants the same thing. This guy is pretty used to dating tons of girls and I don't want to seem completely ignorant when it comes to hook-ups. Okay, I’m that typically girl who really doesn’t date guys. I mean I usally don’t even flirt with guys I like, I’ve always been like this and I don’t know why! So here’s my problem. There’s this guy who I really like, but he’s moving soon. I don’t want anything serious but kinda like a fling. I’ve moved things really fast because I ready to be “spontaneous”. Here’s the part I’m confused on. How do I tell him, that I’m not looking for something serious? I’m not really experienced at these hook-up things,( this would be my first time!) and I’m not for sure what to do. Like, I just really want to get with this guy, but I stuck on how to ask if he wants the same thing. This guy is pretty used to dating tons of girls and I don’t want to seem completely ignorant when it comes to hook-ups.

]]> Comment on Will he come back? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-he-come-back-2/comment-page-1/#comment-104237 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 18:03:51 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3622#comment-104237 @Carmen.......That depends on what he's doing or saying. Are you in touch? Does he reach out to you? Does he say he wants to get back together? Or is it happy for his freedom and glad to be able to date other women? And if so, are you okay with that? You see Carmen, giving up too much power is not necessarily a good thing. Sure, you want him to be happy, and you're doing what you think will make him happy, but there's a line to be drawn at some point. How much freedom should a person demand? If you were together would you be okay if he had an affair on the side? We're just wondering aloud about all of these things. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this. ps. You might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page. There are lots of great women guest writers on there. And please let your friends know about us. THanks! @Carmen…….That depends on what he’s doing or saying. Are you in touch? Does he reach out to you? Does he say he wants to get back together? Or is it happy for his freedom and glad to be able to date other women? And if so, are you okay with that? You see Carmen, giving up too much power is not necessarily a good thing. Sure, you want him to be happy, and you’re doing what you think will make him happy, but there’s a line to be drawn at some point. How much freedom should a person demand? If you were together would you be okay if he had an affair on the side? We’re just wondering aloud about all of these things. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

ps. You might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are lots of great women guest writers on there. And please let your friends know about us. THanks!

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-104236 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 17:59:46 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-104236 @Patty.........This helps us understand. Hmm......Well, we have lots of thoughts on this. First of all, what you did was hardly an indiscretion. So, let us retract what we said before and say, you shouldn't feel badly about it. You're right. You weren't his girlfriend at the time, and you didn't know if anything would come of your conversations. So your conscience should be clear. However, the reason he doesn't see it that way is because he probably already thought the two of you were "together" since he's a traditional type of guy. And that brings us to our main thought. Really what's going on is we think he can't handle the non-traditional aspect of you. If he's a territorial guy, and you're bi, now he has to worry about guys and girls. (At least in his mind) And since these types of guys can also be jealous types of guys, he probably was already feeling a bit overwhelmed by the fact that you're bi. (If you told him. And if you didn't, now overwhelmed and blindsided with the new info.) So it's possible this was an easy out for him. You immediately confirmed his biggest fears: That non-traditional people are not to be trusted. Which brings us to our last point. If he's having a fit over this, even though you were honest with him, it's likely he's going to react strongly to all sorts of issues that come up throughout the course of life. His reaction is just one manifestation of his personality type. Maybe we're wrong. We hope we are. But we're wondering if the two of you are truly compatible beyond some great phone conversations, email, etc.? Some things to think about. If you feel like you are, then by all means give him some time to think about what he wants. And then reach out to him again in a few weeks. But already it feels like you're compromising for something that wasn't even that bad. And this automatically gives him more power. And frankly, relationships should have a balance of power, otherwise both parties end up being miserable. Final note: It's good to be honest, but next time, you don't have to be that honest because you didn't really do anything. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Patty………This helps us understand. Hmm……Well, we have lots of thoughts on this. First of all, what you did was hardly an indiscretion. So, let us retract what we said before and say, you shouldn’t feel badly about it. You’re right. You weren’t his girlfriend at the time, and you didn’t know if anything would come of your conversations. So your conscience should be clear. However, the reason he doesn’t see it that way is because he probably already thought the two of you were “together” since he’s a traditional type of guy. And that brings us to our main thought. Really what’s going on is we think he can’t handle the non-traditional aspect of you. If he’s a territorial guy, and you’re bi, now he has to worry about guys and girls. (At least in his mind) And since these types of guys can also be jealous types of guys, he probably was already feeling a bit overwhelmed by the fact that you’re bi. (If you told him. And if you didn’t, now overwhelmed and blindsided with the new info.) So it’s possible this was an easy out for him. You immediately confirmed his biggest fears: That non-traditional people are not to be trusted. Which brings us to our last point. If he’s having a fit over this, even though you were honest with him, it’s likely he’s going to react strongly to all sorts of issues that come up throughout the course of life. His reaction is just one manifestation of his personality type. Maybe we’re wrong. We hope we are. But we’re wondering if the two of you are truly compatible beyond some great phone conversations, email, etc.? Some things to think about. If you feel like you are, then by all means give him some time to think about what he wants. And then reach out to him again in a few weeks. But already it feels like you’re compromising for something that wasn’t even that bad. And this automatically gives him more power. And frankly, relationships should have a balance of power, otherwise both parties end up being miserable. Final note: It’s good to be honest, but next time, you don’t have to be that honest because you didn’t really do anything. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by Patty http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-104234 Patty Mon, 21 May 2012 17:42:22 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-104234 Ok, here's what happened: when our "relationship" got kinda cold (we weren't talking as much - not because I didn't want to but because he was very busy), I talked to someone else (a girl - I'm bi and he knows that about me). This person contacted me through the online dating site I had my profile at. I told him the truth because I don't like lying. I need to clarify: I wasn't talking to that girl to date her or be with her in a relationship. It was merely to have fun. When I told him about it, he was very upset and he said goodbye to me. I reached out to him and explained to him that I understand his reasons to feel hurt and upset; however, although we were talking, I was not his gf and I had not even met him. I wasn't sure where our relationship was going. This doesn't justify my behavior though. I was stupid and lost someone worthy (him) for something that it didn't even happen (her). I knew he's the traditional type and he had said to me before that he's territorial and "doesn't share his girl". The rest is history. That's why he said to me that although he had feelings for me, he was hurt and didn't trust me. I think what you said it's so true: I messed it all up. I've left him alone. I sent him an email yesterday expressing my feelings and asking for a second chance. After all, I think we all deserve a second chance if what we didn't wasn't so severe. I was honest. I didn't go behind his back. Now I only hope he can forgive me and hopefully I'll hear from him someday. Thanks for your input and I'd like to hear what you think it's best for me to do. Should I still wait for him? Move on? For some reason, I feel in my heart that I shouldn't forget about him; that I have to wait for him. Just my gut. Don't know why or how to explain it. Ok, here’s what happened: when our “relationship” got kinda cold (we weren’t talking as much – not because I didn’t want to but because he was very busy), I talked to someone else (a girl – I’m bi and he knows that about me). This person contacted me through the online dating site I had my profile at. I told him the truth because I don’t like lying. I need to clarify: I wasn’t talking to that girl to date her or be with her in a relationship. It was merely to have fun. When I told him about it, he was very upset and he said goodbye to me. I reached out to him and explained to him that I understand his reasons to feel hurt and upset; however, although we were talking, I was not his gf and I had not even met him. I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going. This doesn’t justify my behavior though. I was stupid and lost someone worthy (him) for something that it didn’t even happen (her). I knew he’s the traditional type and he had said to me before that he’s territorial and “doesn’t share his girl”. The rest is history. That’s why he said to me that although he had feelings for me, he was hurt and didn’t trust me. I think what you said it’s so true: I messed it all up. I’ve left him alone. I sent him an email yesterday expressing my feelings and asking for a second chance. After all, I think we all deserve a second chance if what we didn’t wasn’t so severe. I was honest. I didn’t go behind his back. Now I only hope he can forgive me and hopefully I’ll hear from him someday. Thanks for your input and I’d like to hear what you think it’s best for me to do. Should I still wait for him? Move on? For some reason, I feel in my heart that I shouldn’t forget about him; that I have to wait for him. Just my gut. Don’t know why or how to explain it.

]]> Comment on Will he come back? by carmen http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-he-come-back-2/comment-page-1/#comment-104183 carmen Mon, 21 May 2012 13:07:56 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3622#comment-104183 me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago. we've kept in solid contact, mostly initiated by him and did not see each other in person for about 2 months. once a week for the past month we've gone out together and it's always ended in sex except the first time where we both tried to put an effort just to be friends. when we broke up there was nothing bad about our relationship, however we got together very soon after he had gotten out of a huge relationship. we both initially thought that what happened between us was just going to be a fling, but it turned into a relationship. i have known him for a long time and he is petrified of commitment. I knew that even though things were going well with us and he was always faithful but i could see he although he loved me he did not want the responsibility that came with a relationship. we spoke about this intensively and we broke up 9 months later. i wanted him to be able to have the freedom that he was looking for. in the last week i've decided to completely cut contact for a few months so he can go and do the things he wants to do so that when he can be in a relationship he won't feel like he has missed out on life. i miss him a lot and i know he feels the same, but i don't want to be with him now when he is so afraid of commitment. we have something very special that i think will be hard for either of us to find anything else that is comparable. i'm just wondering if i give him a long time eg. atleast 6 months and leave him alone, if anything just try and be friends with him could he come back later? it just doesn't feel like this is the end between us yet, but for the moment i need to give myself time to either get over him or let him do what he needs to do. i'm just wondering if there is any point in still having hope me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago. we’ve kept in solid contact, mostly initiated by him and did not see each other in person for about 2 months. once a week for the past month we’ve gone out together and it’s always ended in sex except the first time where we both tried to put an effort just to be friends. when we broke up there was nothing bad about our relationship, however we got together very soon after he had gotten out of a huge relationship. we both initially thought that what happened between us was just going to be a fling, but it turned into a relationship. i have known him for a long time and he is petrified of commitment. I knew that even though things were going well with us and he was always faithful but i could see he although he loved me he did not want the responsibility that came with a relationship. we spoke about this intensively and we broke up 9 months later. i wanted him to be able to have the freedom that he was looking for. in the last week i’ve decided to completely cut contact for a few months so he can go and do the things he wants to do so that when he can be in a relationship he won’t feel like he has missed out on life. i miss him a lot and i know he feels the same, but i don’t want to be with him now when he is so afraid of commitment. we have something very special that i think will be hard for either of us to find anything else that is comparable. i’m just wondering if i give him a long time eg. atleast 6 months and leave him alone, if anything just try and be friends with him could he come back later? it just doesn’t feel like this is the end between us yet, but for the moment i need to give myself time to either get over him or let him do what he needs to do. i’m just wondering if there is any point in still having hope

]]> Comment on Is my ex-boyfriend still into me? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-my-ex-boyfriend-still-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-104172 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 11:48:13 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3917#comment-104172 @Ann......Yes, it's too much pressure. You're going to just have to go with this for a bit. If you're not sure where it's going, then don't rush into sleeping with him. Keep things under control until you really get to know each other better. Good luck. And yes, keep us posted as this progresses. @Ann……Yes, it’s too much pressure. You’re going to just have to go with this for a bit. If you’re not sure where it’s going, then don’t rush into sleeping with him. Keep things under control until you really get to know each other better. Good luck. And yes, keep us posted as this progresses.

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-104170 One of the Guys Mon, 21 May 2012 11:44:33 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-104170 @Patty........So what was your mistake? Did you date or sleep with another guy? Because if so, his vanishing makes sense. He initially was smitten by you, and very excited about the possibility of being with you. It's possible he even had long term plans floating through his mind. But if the trust was broken BEFORE the relationship even got off the ground, he probably realized he couldn't handle it. Meaning, the closer it got to actually becoming a reality—the two of you meeting—he decided he just couldn't do it. And instead of trying to work through it he threw in the towel. It's one thing to work on a relationship that's six months or a year old, it's another to have to work on something that hasn't even started. He probably thought it was going to be too much effort and maybe realized he would never be able to trust you. (At least that's what he was feeling.) So, if this isn't what happened, let us know what did. You might be interested in reading some of our women guest writers on the "Relationship Memoirs" page. Let us know your thoughts. @Patty……..So what was your mistake? Did you date or sleep with another guy? Because if so, his vanishing makes sense. He initially was smitten by you, and very excited about the possibility of being with you. It’s possible he even had long term plans floating through his mind. But if the trust was broken BEFORE the relationship even got off the ground, he probably realized he couldn’t handle it. Meaning, the closer it got to actually becoming a reality—the two of you meeting—he decided he just couldn’t do it. And instead of trying to work through it he threw in the towel. It’s one thing to work on a relationship that’s six months or a year old, it’s another to have to work on something that hasn’t even started. He probably thought it was going to be too much effort and maybe realized he would never be able to trust you. (At least that’s what he was feeling.) So, if this isn’t what happened, let us know what did. You might be interested in reading some of our women guest writers on the “Relationship Memoirs” page. Let us know your thoughts.

]]> Comment on Is my ex-boyfriend still into me? by Ann http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-my-ex-boyfriend-still-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-104031 Ann Sun, 20 May 2012 21:28:33 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3917#comment-104031 Thanks for the reply! My plan was just to let him initiate contact if that is really what he wants. I guess my follow up question is this: If he does initiate contact and wants to see me, how do I know what his intentions are if they aren't clear? Is it too much pressure to ask him what his real intentions are? If you are saying he may still be interested, do you see it being a possibility of there being a "friend" period? Thanks for the reply! My plan was just to let him initiate contact if that is really what he wants. I guess my follow up question is this: If he does initiate contact and wants to see me, how do I know what his intentions are if they aren’t clear? Is it too much pressure to ask him what his real intentions are? If you are saying he may still be interested, do you see it being a possibility of there being a “friend” period?

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by Patty http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-104015 Patty Sun, 20 May 2012 19:50:32 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-104015 He vanished before we met. When we were in good terms (before the problem happened), we had already discussed meeting. He actually was going to come to meet me this month. After the argument, when I told him we should still meet, I suggested for him to come here and be my date for a wedding I'm attending in June (when we were still "happy", I had mentioned the wedding and he was thrilled to be my date). This time when I mentioned the wedding, he said he didn't want our first meeting to be at a wedding. He said he wanted our first meeting to be just he and I alone and that's why he asked for me to come to him. Sorry to give you such a long answer, but I think it'll help you to understand the situation better. Why would he agree to meet and then just vanish suddenly? That's what's driving me crazy here. Today is a full week since the last time I heard from him. He vanished before we met. When we were in good terms (before the problem happened), we had already discussed meeting. He actually was going to come to meet me this month. After the argument, when I told him we should still meet, I suggested for him to come here and be my date for a wedding I’m attending in June (when we were still “happy”, I had mentioned the wedding and he was thrilled to be my date). This time when I mentioned the wedding, he said he didn’t want our first meeting to be at a wedding. He said he wanted our first meeting to be just he and I alone and that’s why he asked for me to come to him. Sorry to give you such a long answer, but I think it’ll help you to understand the situation better. Why would he agree to meet and then just vanish suddenly? That’s what’s driving me crazy here. Today is a full week since the last time I heard from him.

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-104001 One of the Guys Sun, 20 May 2012 19:13:28 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-104001 @Patty....quick question. Did you finally meet him or did he vanish before you met him? (Please fill us in so we can answer your other questions.) @Patty….quick question. Did you finally meet him or did he vanish before you met him? (Please fill us in so we can answer your other questions.)

]]> Comment on Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go by Patty http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-101/comment-page-1/#comment-103995 Patty Sun, 20 May 2012 18:43:10 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4309#comment-103995 I know my case is really peculiar...but here it goes. I met a guy around 3 months ago through a dating site. He lives in another state and we started off as friends until we realized we were very compatible and a romantic situation began between us. Everything was perfect. We could talk on the phone at least twice a day and video chatted; he would send me sweet texts telling me how much he was missing me/thinking of me, and every time we spoke on the phone or saw each other through video chat, we had a great time. We laughed together and could tell each other anything. And I know I'm maybe thinking crazy here, but I truly thought I've found a guy who could be my potential bf and even husband, as we both felt strongly about each other and he even spoke in future tense when referring to us. Unfortunately, after those super romantic days, suddenly he got busier at work and we weren't really talking that much anymore. I was feeling as if things were getting kinda cold between us but he said he had just been crazy busy at work (he works long night hours and sleep during the day). I made a mistake and did something that hurt his feelings (he had been engaged a couple years ago and his fiancé cheated on him, so he asked me "not to hurt him" when he talked to me about his feelings). I tried to patch things out with him, apologized and although he was still upset with me, he said he still had feelings for me but that he didn't trust me and needed to think things over. I did everything I could to reassure him I would never hurt him again. I am very expressive and always pour my heart out, so he knows exactly how I feel about him and that I do want him in my life, if not romantically, at least as friends. I made a decision: I wanted to finally meet him in person. He agreed to it and he even said he hoped and thought that once he saw me, his anger or whatever, would just go away and everything seemed to be normal until he suddenly stopped communicating completely. I texted him and no response. I waited like 3 days for a response and nothing. I decided then to send him a goodbye email. At this point, I'm so lost and hurt. I don't know if anything happened to him, if he just met someone else or if he simply decided to move on and didn't think was important to let me know. I know you guys (men) process feelings/emotions differently, but I'd like to know why is that sometimes we (women) are left behind with so many unanswered questions when it's so easy to at least shoot an email and tell us goodbye. Does this guy seem like he simply moved on? Is he "processing"? We were close and a couple days before he "vanished" we had been video chatting as usual. I'm confused about his behavior and as guys, I'm sure you can guide me on how to understand better my friend's behavior. Thanks for your time and advice. I know my case is really peculiar…but here it goes. I met a guy around 3 months ago through a dating site. He lives in another state and we started off as friends until we realized we were very compatible and a romantic situation began between us. Everything was perfect. We could talk on the phone at least twice a day and video chatted; he would send me sweet texts telling me how much he was missing me/thinking of me, and every time we spoke on the phone or saw each other through video chat, we had a great time. We laughed together and could tell each other anything. And I know I’m maybe thinking crazy here, but I truly thought I’ve found a guy who could be my potential bf and even husband, as we both felt strongly about each other and he even spoke in future tense when referring to us. Unfortunately, after those super romantic days, suddenly he got busier at work and we weren’t really talking that much anymore. I was feeling as if things were getting kinda cold between us but he said he had just been crazy busy at work (he works long night hours and sleep during the day).
I made a mistake and did something that hurt his feelings (he had been engaged a couple years ago and his fiancé cheated on him, so he asked me “not to hurt him” when he talked to me about his feelings). I tried to patch things out with him, apologized and although he was still upset with me, he said he still had feelings for me but that he didn’t trust me and needed to think things over. I did everything I could to reassure him I would never hurt him again. I am very expressive and always pour my heart out, so he knows exactly how I feel about him and that I do want him in my life, if not romantically, at least as friends. I made a decision: I wanted to finally meet him in person. He agreed to it and he even said he hoped and thought that once he saw me, his anger or whatever, would just go away and everything seemed to be normal until he suddenly stopped communicating completely. I texted him and no response. I waited like 3 days for a response and nothing. I decided then to send him a goodbye email. At this point, I’m so lost and hurt. I don’t know if anything happened to him, if he just met someone else or if he simply decided to move on and didn’t think was important to let me know. I know you guys (men) process feelings/emotions differently, but I’d like to know why is that sometimes we (women) are left behind with so many unanswered questions when it’s so easy to at least shoot an email and tell us goodbye. Does this guy seem like he simply moved on? Is he “processing”? We were close and a couple days before he “vanished” we had been video chatting as usual. I’m confused about his behavior and as guys, I’m sure you can guide me on how to understand better my friend’s behavior. Thanks for your time and advice.

]]> Comment on The Gym Guy: Is he interested? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/the-gym-guy-is-he-interested/comment-page-1/#comment-103990 One of the Guys Sun, 20 May 2012 18:05:58 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2055#comment-103990 @Rose......Typically we like the guy to be the one to take the initiative for a variety of reason. Most importantly, it's a good indicator that he's actually interested. However, in your case, where it's a big awkward because you both work out in the gym, you might need to at least break the ice. Use the treadmill next to his. Maybe mention the class you took together. Ask him what he's been up to since you last saw him. But before you do that, wait another 2-4 weeks and keep smiling at him. Hopefully he'll be confident enough to approach you. If he doesn't, that doesn't mean he's not interested. So that's when you might try taking the initiative. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Rose……Typically we like the guy to be the one to take the initiative for a variety of reason. Most importantly, it’s a good indicator that he’s actually interested. However, in your case, where it’s a big awkward because you both work out in the gym, you might need to at least break the ice. Use the treadmill next to his. Maybe mention the class you took together. Ask him what he’s been up to since you last saw him. But before you do that, wait another 2-4 weeks and keep smiling at him. Hopefully he’ll be confident enough to approach you. If he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean he’s not interested. So that’s when you might try taking the initiative. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Is my ex-boyfriend still into me? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-my-ex-boyfriend-still-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103989 One of the Guys Sun, 20 May 2012 18:02:20 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3917#comment-103989 @Ann......He sounds like he's still interested. Starting a new business is a huge undertaking w/a lot of pressure, especially if he's running out of money. Why don't you just give him some time. Let him initiate all contact—texting, phone, email. And then just see where it goes. You'll have more answers after a month or so. If he doesn't reach out to you, well, then you'll know he just isn't interested anymore. But in the meantime we don't think you should stop your life for him. Keep yourself open to meeting other guys. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Ann……He sounds like he’s still interested. Starting a new business is a huge undertaking w/a lot of pressure, especially if he’s running out of money. Why don’t you just give him some time. Let him initiate all contact—texting, phone, email. And then just see where it goes. You’ll have more answers after a month or so. If he doesn’t reach out to you, well, then you’ll know he just isn’t interested anymore. But in the meantime we don’t think you should stop your life for him. Keep yourself open to meeting other guys. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Friends with benefits? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/friends-with-benefits-3/comment-page-1/#comment-103987 One of the Guys Sun, 20 May 2012 17:56:03 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3176#comment-103987 @Dee.....Yes, it doesn't sound promising especially because it began as hooking up rather than actual dating. Maybe the next guy you meet you can get to know slowly. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Dee…..Yes, it doesn’t sound promising especially because it began as hooking up rather than actual dating. Maybe the next guy you meet you can get to know slowly. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Friends with benefits? by Dee http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/friends-with-benefits-3/comment-page-1/#comment-103929 Dee Sun, 20 May 2012 08:05:02 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3176#comment-103929 I'VE met this Guy named Tony two or three months ago. So my bestfriend and I were sitting outside conversating in our on little world. So he and a friend walked up and introduced himself to me not my friend. S after he gave me his numba. I was the first to call him than the next two weeks we hooked up. Then every since then we always hook up but now we don't and he doesn't have time for me or he has a lot on his plate(problems). So assuming to just move on and be friends @ a distance. I’VE met this Guy named Tony two or three months ago. So my bestfriend and I were sitting outside conversating in our on little world. So he and a friend walked up and introduced himself to me not my friend. S after he gave me his numba. I was the first to call him than the next two weeks we hooked up. Then every since then we always hook up but now we don’t and he doesn’t have time for me or he has a lot on his plate(problems). So assuming to just move on and be friends @ a distance.

]]> Comment on Is my ex-boyfriend still into me? by Ann http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-my-ex-boyfriend-still-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103894 Ann Sun, 20 May 2012 02:07:04 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3917#comment-103894 I was dating a guy for just over 2 months; he is 35, I am 29.. When we met, he was unemployed by choice, and had enough in savings to go another 3 months. He also was trying to start up his own business. He ended up getting a job that he was not excited about, because he needed to start working again. Our last date was on a Sunday before his first day at his new job. He was happy and it seemed we both had a really good time. He texted me a sweet "thinking of you" text that following Tuesday. The Friday of his first week back he called me and said he needed to concentrate on work, "but maybe in the future... ". was what he said. A text I had sent him about seeing him that night overwhelmed him he had told me. He didn't get home from work until 8 that night, had an interview that day and one the day before. He had texted me that Wednesday basically signaling he was overwhelmed, but I didn't consider it enough. We talked for about 45 minutes and during the convo, he said maybe in a month things would settle down. By the end of the convo he asked for 2 weeks; I didn't even ask him to see if things would settle down; he offered. When I asked, he said he did not lose interest. He has always been very honest and open. He isn't the type of guy to string someone along like that, or let me ask him any questions, and spend that time, if there was no interest. He admitted that he's hurt girls before by breaking up with them. so I don't think he was just trying to be nice. He said let him bet he one to contact me for the next two weeks. He texted me that Sunday night, saying, Hope you had a good weekend. Hugs and Kisses." Three weeks after that I hadn't heard from him, so I texted asking if we could talk. He called me and said he had thought about it and he needed to be single because of everything else he has going on. I said I understood. He was still meeting with investors for his new business, working full time with a long commute, and continuing to interview for a better job. When I asked if he was actually going to call, he said yes, but not until the end of the week (we talked on a Sunday). It would have been two weeks after he said he'd call. He said it affected his heart, it was a hard decision, and he doesn't like hurting people. I told him I don't chase guys, but I understood his situation and just wanted to see where he stood. He then asked if he could see me when he is in the area (we live about 25 miles apart, but he has friends in my city) as friends. I'm confused by this situation. If he hasn't lost interest could he that easily be my friend, or was he misleading me before? Is he trying to just keep in touch until his life settles down? I know guys are usually straight forward, but he said he had to ask for advice on what to do. I wouldn't bother with this, but I really do feel like he just needs to sort out the rest of his life. I just don't know what he is thinking when I asked to see each other as friends. He said he'd probably see me sooner rather than later, too. Do you have any insight? I was dating a guy for just over 2 months; he is 35, I am 29.. When we met, he was unemployed by choice, and had enough in savings to go another 3 months. He also was trying to start up his own business. He ended up getting a job that he was not excited about, because he needed to start working again. Our last date was on a Sunday before his first day at his new job. He was happy and it seemed we both had a really good time. He texted me a sweet “thinking of you” text that following Tuesday. The Friday of his first week back he called me and said he needed to concentrate on work, “but maybe in the future… “. was what he said. A text I had sent him about seeing him that night overwhelmed him he had told me. He didn’t get home from work until 8 that night, had an interview that day and one the day before. He had texted me that Wednesday basically signaling he was overwhelmed, but I didn’t consider it enough. We talked for about 45 minutes and during the convo, he said maybe in a month things would settle down. By the end of the convo he asked for 2 weeks; I didn’t even ask him to see if things would settle down; he offered. When I asked, he said he did not lose interest. He has always been very honest and open. He isn’t the type of guy to string someone along like that, or let me ask him any questions, and spend that time, if there was no interest. He admitted that he’s hurt girls before by breaking up with them. so I don’t think he was just trying to be nice. He said let him bet he one to contact me for the next two weeks. He texted me that Sunday night, saying, Hope you had a good weekend. Hugs and Kisses.” Three weeks after that I hadn’t heard from him, so I texted asking if we could talk. He called me and said he had thought about it and he needed to be single because of everything else he has going on. I said I understood. He was still meeting with investors for his new business, working full time with a long commute, and continuing to interview for a better job. When I asked if he was actually going to call, he said yes, but not until the end of the week (we talked on a Sunday). It would have been two weeks after he said he’d call. He said it affected his heart, it was a hard decision, and he doesn’t like hurting people. I told him I don’t chase guys, but I understood his situation and just wanted to see where he stood. He then asked if he could see me when he is in the area (we live about 25 miles apart, but he has friends in my city) as friends. I’m confused by this situation. If he hasn’t lost interest could he that easily be my friend, or was he misleading me before? Is he trying to just keep in touch until his life settles down? I know guys are usually straight forward, but he said he had to ask for advice on what to do. I wouldn’t bother with this, but I really do feel like he just needs to sort out the rest of his life. I just don’t know what he is thinking when I asked to see each other as friends. He said he’d probably see me sooner rather than later, too. Do you have any insight?

]]> Comment on The Gym Guy: Is he interested? by rose http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/the-gym-guy-is-he-interested/comment-page-1/#comment-103888 rose Sun, 20 May 2012 01:20:26 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2055#comment-103888 i'm in sort of a similar situation. there is a guy at the gym i attend who i'm interested in. we used to have a college class together a couple years ago. i see him at the gym once or twice a week. i have noticed him looking at me a few times, even once we locked eyes for what seemed like a full minute. he does regular nice guy stuff like he always opens the door for me, he's even smiled at me. but i don't know if he's interested because he has never said anything and i don't want to be forceful. what do you think? i’m in sort of a similar situation. there is a guy at the gym i attend who i’m interested in. we used to have a college class together a couple years ago. i see him at the gym once or twice a week. i have noticed him looking at me a few times, even once we locked eyes for what seemed like a full minute. he does regular nice guy stuff like he always opens the door for me, he’s even smiled at me. but i don’t know if he’s interested because he has never said anything and i don’t want to be forceful. what do you think?

]]> Comment on Relationship and Dating Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Friends with Benefits by tans http://theguysperspective.com/humor/relationship-and-dating-advice-from-the-guys-perspective-friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103880 tans Sun, 20 May 2012 00:30:35 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5794#comment-103880 By normal, i meant friends, just friends. After which for some reason he started chasing me again. Then the same thing happened, we hooked up and then not talk for a while, then make up and the cycle never ended. Finally i spoke to guy and told him clearly where we stand.. nothing more than friends with benefits because there's high chemistry and physical attraction but neither of us are ready for a relationship and neither of us are dating anyone else seriously, so why not? By normal, i meant friends, just friends. After which for some reason he started chasing me again. Then the same thing happened, we hooked up and then not talk for a while, then make up and the cycle never ended. Finally i spoke to guy and told him clearly where we stand.. nothing more than friends with benefits because there’s high chemistry and physical attraction but neither of us are ready for a relationship and neither of us are dating anyone else seriously, so why not?

]]> Comment on “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter One: Darryl-Part 2) by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale-chapter-two-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-103878 One of the Guys Sat, 19 May 2012 23:56:42 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6111#comment-103878 @Analise........We're really sorry you're hurting so much. Breakups are tough especially with someone like Jake who was also your best friends BEFORE you started dating. Look, this probably isn't going to make you feel better but we'll say it anyway. High School boys are clueless. It's true. They think they have it all figured out and it's not until they turn 30 that they go, "OMG what the hell were we thinking?!" At least the smart ones. The rest, well, they're still reliving their glory years when they're in their 40s. Will Jake wake up sooner rather than later? It's hard to say. But we can say he's easily influenced by his friends, which is not a great sign for any sort of reconciliation. You see Jake was convinced that being single is better than not being single. He was told by his friends that that's the way he'll get more girls—translation sex. Wrong, and wrong again. If he doesn't wake up and realize what he lost then honestly you're better off moving on. As far as you getting him back, well, there's nothing you can do. He has to come back on his own. But if he does make sure you make him earn it. He should apologize and ask you to forgive him. We're not saying you shouldn't take him back, but you shouldn't do anything, include sacrificing yourself, just to have a guy like you. Keep us posted as this progresses and feel free to ask us a follow up question. And you might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page. Lots of good writing from some great guest women writers. Also, check out some of our videos and let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Analise……..We’re really sorry you’re hurting so much. Breakups are tough especially with someone like Jake who was also your best friends BEFORE you started dating. Look, this probably isn’t going to make you feel better but we’ll say it anyway. High School boys are clueless. It’s true. They think they have it all figured out and it’s not until they turn 30 that they go, “OMG what the hell were we thinking?!” At least the smart ones. The rest, well, they’re still reliving their glory years when they’re in their 40s. Will Jake wake up sooner rather than later? It’s hard to say. But we can say he’s easily influenced by his friends, which is not a great sign for any sort of reconciliation. You see Jake was convinced that being single is better than not being single. He was told by his friends that that’s the way he’ll get more girls—translation sex. Wrong, and wrong again. If he doesn’t wake up and realize what he lost then honestly you’re better off moving on. As far as you getting him back, well, there’s nothing you can do. He has to come back on his own. But if he does make sure you make him earn it. He should apologize and ask you to forgive him. We’re not saying you shouldn’t take him back, but you shouldn’t do anything, include sacrificing yourself, just to have a guy like you. Keep us posted as this progresses and feel free to ask us a follow up question. And you might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page. Lots of good writing from some great guest women writers. Also, check out some of our videos and let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Break up confusion; will he come back? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/break-up-confusion-will-he-come-back/comment-page-1/#comment-103875 One of the Guys Sat, 19 May 2012 23:45:59 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2051#comment-103875 @Wendy.........So we're just wondering why you immediately felt the need to start "something" with some other guy, if you really loved your boyfriend? Was it just a reaction, or what? We're just curious. Will he forgive you? It might take some time. Wait a bit then reach out to him. Tell him you're sorry. Ask for forgiveness and try to explain what happened? But we have another question: So why did you break up in the first place? In order to answer this well we need a bit more information. @Wendy………So we’re just wondering why you immediately felt the need to start “something” with some other guy, if you really loved your boyfriend? Was it just a reaction, or what? We’re just curious. Will he forgive you? It might take some time. Wait a bit then reach out to him. Tell him you’re sorry. Ask for forgiveness and try to explain what happened? But we have another question: So why did you break up in the first place? In order to answer this well we need a bit more information.

]]> Comment on How do I break up with my boyfriend? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-do-i-break-up-with-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-103873 One of the Guys Sat, 19 May 2012 23:41:29 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6101#comment-103873 @Tamerin.......Thanks for your kinds words. We're glad we were able to help you and give you some things to think about. Thanks for the donation! We appreciate it. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. And take care. Please keep in touch and keep us posted on how things are going. Feel free to ask another question anytime. @Tamerin…….Thanks for your kinds words. We’re glad we were able to help you and give you some things to think about. Thanks for the donation! We appreciate it. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. And take care. Please keep in touch and keep us posted on how things are going. Feel free to ask another question anytime.

]]> Comment on “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter One: Darryl-Part 2) by Analise http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale-chapter-two-the-date/comment-page-1/#comment-103845 Analise Sat, 19 May 2012 19:43:57 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6111#comment-103845 We'll start at the very very beginning Jake came to Lumen for freshman year, he had just moved from Kalamazoo and immediatley I took a liking to him, he was cute, and funny and new.I liked him but I didn't have the feeling that he liked me back. Then he asked me to homecoming freshman year, and we went, and then after that, I decided I was getting tired of chasing him so I stopped and moved on and then he started liking me. But i had already moved on to someone else. So we were best friends. And when I say best friends I mean best friends. I told him stuff I had never told anyone before.. Then one day I started dating a guy named Aj and we dated for 4 months. He ended up breaking my heart and leaving me for sydney Cook (me and her are now really good friends however) Jake was there for me. He would call to check up on me and then he'd stay up late with me while I cried.. The very first time I saw him that summer was right before school started after he got done with football practice and I called his name and he just dropped his helmet and football gear and ran up and hugged me so tight We were already practically dating by that time Aj had dumped me in June and me and Jake were getting serious towards the end of August On September 24 we went to homecoming together, and that's when he asked me out We were an amazing couple. Everyone thought we were perfect together. how better could it get than 2 best friends dating eachother? We were fine in the beginning of April, I mean we'd have our arguments every now and then but we'd never go to bed mad at eachother, we knew it wasn't worth it We did stuff. I was his first kiss and his first everything else. And he was convinced he loved me Then on April 24 which was our 7 month I had noticed how he had been acting a little differe.t I was convinced it was just a phase that our relationship was going thourhg and who knows maybe it was. But he told me he was getting tired of having a girlfriend So I calle dhim practically in tears asking him what he was talking about and if he wanted to break up He said no he didn't want to break up because he knew he'd just want me back in a couple of days I told him to call me when he got out of baseball And he did, I asked him if he had figured out what he wanted and he said you Analise So we decided to change little things up and try working things out Then I started hearing that his friends have been telling him to break up with me and Jake had begun spending a lot of time with them His friends didn't like me cause they knew I thought thy were ass's which they were. So Jake started pulling away from me.. He stopped texting me and wouldn't for whole days. But he would act fine in school He would be all over me in school And then one night he texted me but he was giving short answers So I was like Jake can I ask you why you've been so reluctant to say you love me lately? And he was like because I'm not feeling it as much as I used to.. So that happened, and then last sunday we had planned that he would come out and hang out and I had planned on talking things over with him Like face to face Then, he texted me sunday with a ): face and I was like what? and he said todays not gonna happen and I was like ok (cause by then I was so sick of me being the only one trying to hold the relationship together) and he was like I'm sorry:/ and I didn't respond 3 hours later I get a text from him saying I don't think the relationship is going to work out right now And I was like alright I was going to talk to you about that anyway tomorrow no hard feelings And he was like so are we done? And I was like isn't that what you want? And he was like it's not what I want but I'm just not happy anymore and the relationship isn't working anymore. So I was like yes. we're done (how else am I supposed to respond to that if he just told me he's not happy with me anymore?) and he was like let's still be friends and I was like yeah of course So then Monday at school I hear that he was telling his friends he was single and he was like I'm glad to be single and then he tweeted single life And that really hurt because he had asked me like 3 months ago how mad I'd be if he tweeted something like that if we ever broke up and I was like I'd be pissed Then he started flirting with other girls in front of me And he hasn't talked with me at all or texted me I tried flirting with other guys but it just makes me feel sick to my stomach And then he goes and posts that picture of him and this slutty freshman on twitter But i've been all smiles at school And I haven't posted any depressing status's and people think he's just trying to look for a reaction from me, but I don't know Like he doesn't know how much I've cried cause I cover it up, you know? Alright that's my sad story.. his friends don't like me He's doing everything he knows he can do to hurt me.. Over the course of our relationship I told him everything that would hurt me if we ever broke up and he's doing it all And I don't know if it's cause he's looking for a reaction of some sort from me because I've been putting on such a front and been acting all happy no sad statuses and smiles at school or if he really does want to tear me apart like he knows he's doing.. Jacob Anuskiewiectz said he was feeling really bad about it, and that Miranda was the one who told someone to take the picture while they were together (she hates me) and like then she took his phone and uploaded it to twitter, and he didn't want me to see it because he didn't know how i'd react and then they asked him if he'd come back to me and he said idk we'll see how the rest of the school year goes. And then like I guess our friend was looking through Jake's phone and Jake still has like all the pictures he took of me or the pictures I sent of him and he still has all the pictures of us Like I was great to him, and what we had was good. And he always told me if we broke up he'd hate every minute of it. So I kinda feel like eventually he'll need me again I love him so much.. I always will.. Like I've always had a thing for him You don't know everything he's helped me through... I just hope my love will be enough to bring him back.. Like you don't even know Having him be there for you for every day for 2 years of your life.. And now he's just gone? And I don't want to believe that I'm that easy to get over That the 2 years meant nothing to him That he won't come back to me... Idk if he's just been waiting for baseball season to be over.. Idk I hate this fucking guessing game that I've been reduced to playing.. And once the season's done and he has nothing to do, if that's when he'll miss me Cause ever since the season started he hasn't really had time We were fine before baseball season And like he did tell his friend that as soon as baseball season started we didn't see as much of each other Every second of every day All the memories haunt me And it's hard thinking that it could really be this easy on him God if I had known that that kiss I got on Thursday would be the last kiss I ever got from him.. I swear to God I wouldn't have let him go.. today Will Steward asked him what he thinks of the situation and he said he didn't like the idea of dating a girl before and then Will asked if he ever thought about coming back and he said not really Then Jake tweeted, "We're in high school, have fun and don't worry" And then recently Jacob (one of mine and jakes mutual friends) sent jake a text saying, promise me you’ll go back and make things better with analise. And jake said I promise I just need to get settled in with baseball and I will by the end of the school year. So Jacob asked him how things are going with Miranda and he said boring.. We’re not getting anywhere and she makes things awkward then he also said he thinks she’s playing him because she flirts with a lot of guys in her grade so Jacob was like are you going to hook up with her? and he said prolly not. I’ve only known her for 2 months. And then Jacob was like why not? and jake was like because I know if I did analise would for sure leave me for good Okay, so he texted me at like 7ish I want to say, and all he said was hey, so I didn't wanna seem needy or anything (but really it was killing me not to text him back right away cause you know this is the first time that we've talked in about a week and a half) so I waited about 30 minuteish and then I texted him and just played it cool this is how the convo went I'll go me him me him me him He said hey I said hey and then he was like how are you? And I said bummed. I lost my job and he said really why and I was like college girls came back and took the job And he was like that sucks i'm sorry and I was like how are you? And he said pretty good and then I asked how baseball was going and he was like I'm the number one pitcher, so really good And I was like thats good. Congrats and he didn't respond for about 40 mins and then he was like thanks. i'm really sorry i've been making you sad all this time:/ And I was like yea. i've been trying to keep myself busy. and he was like I really am sorry and I was like it's really okay He was like I didn't just stop caring And I was like I know. I still care about you too and then he was like yeaaaa (lame right?) And I didn't respond to that cause like wtf. don't try getting me to talk about my feelings then give me that type of an answer Then 15 minutes later he texted me he was like I just don't want you to be in the dumps because of me, i'm not that great of guy (he was clearly looking for me to say something like omg noo jake you are, you're worth it because that's always what i'd do when we were dating like i'd always compliments him) Instead I was like yea I realize that. And it's fine, don't worry about it And he was like okay sorry I was just trying to look out for you And I was like thanks jake I appreciate it(: And he was like you're welcome I didn't respond for like 40 mins and then I steered into small talk and I was nice and normal. Like i didn't act bitchy or sad or mean or depressed And we just talked about school, grades, whats been going on lately. baseball Then I was like well I'm glad you're doing good(: And he was like yea, I hope you are too And I was like yea. I'm getting there(: And he said Good(: and then I was like I gotta go and finish my geometry homework, i'll talk to you later and he said alright peace (like for the most part he was responding really fast to me, but like kindashortish answers, and also he NEVER says peace.. so i'm pretty sure he wasn't expecting me to end the conversation, cause normally i NEVER would. I'd wanna talk to him for as long as I could) the problem is that today in school I smiled and said hey to him cause we met eyes as he walked by and all he did was give me the upward head tilt.. But like it was really out of the blue for me to say hi to him I just want to know how to get him back... We’ll start at the very very beginning
Jake came to Lumen for freshman year, he had just moved from Kalamazoo and immediatley I took a liking to him, he was cute, and funny and new.I liked him but I didn’t have the feeling that he liked me back. Then he asked me to homecoming freshman year, and we went, and then after that, I decided I was getting tired of chasing him so I stopped and moved on and then he started liking me. But i had already moved on to someone else.
So we were best friends. And when I say best friends I mean best friends. I told him stuff I had never told anyone before..
Then one day I started dating a guy named Aj and we dated for 4 months. He ended up breaking my heart and leaving me for sydney Cook (me and her are now really good friends however)
Jake was there for me. He would call to check up on me and then he’d stay up late with me while I cried..
The very first time I saw him that summer was right before school started after he got done with football practice and I called his name and he just dropped his helmet and football gear and ran up and hugged me
so tight
We were already practically dating by that time Aj had dumped me in June and me and Jake were getting serious towards the end of August
On September 24 we went to homecoming together, and that’s when he asked me out
We were an amazing couple. Everyone thought we were perfect together. how better could it get than 2 best friends dating eachother?
We were fine in the beginning of April, I mean we’d have our arguments every now and then but we’d never go to bed mad at eachother, we knew it wasn’t worth it
We did stuff. I was his first kiss and his first everything else. And he was convinced he loved me
Then on April 24 which was our 7 month I had noticed how he had been acting a little differe.t I was convinced it was just a phase that our relationship was going thourhg and who knows maybe it was. But he told me he was getting tired of having a girlfriend
So I calle dhim practically in tears asking him what he was talking about and if he wanted to break up
He said no he didn’t want to break up because he knew he’d just want me back in a couple of days
I told him to call me when he got out of baseball
And he did, I asked him if he had figured out what he wanted and he said you Analise
So we decided to change little things up and try working things out
Then I started hearing that his friends have been telling him to break up with me and Jake had begun spending a lot of time with them
His friends didn’t like me cause they knew I thought thy were ass’s which they were.
So Jake started pulling away from me..
He stopped texting me and wouldn’t for whole days. But he would act fine in school
He would be all over me in school
And then one night he texted me but he was giving short answers
So I was like Jake can I ask you why you’ve been so reluctant to say you love me lately?
And he was like because I’m not feeling it as much as I used to..
So that happened, and then last sunday we had planned that he would come out and hang out and I had planned on talking things over with him
Like face to face
Then, he texted me sunday with a ): face
and I was like what? and he said todays not gonna happen and I was like ok (cause by then I was so sick of me being the only one trying to hold the relationship together) and he was like I’m sorry:/ and I didn’t respond
3 hours later I get a text from him saying I don’t think the relationship is going to work out right now
And I was like alright I was going to talk to you about that anyway tomorrow no hard feelings
And he was like so are we done?
And I was like isn’t that what you want?
And he was like it’s not what I want but I’m just not happy anymore and the relationship isn’t working anymore.
So I was like yes. we’re done
(how else am I supposed to respond to that if he just told me he’s not happy with me anymore?)
and he was like let’s still be friends and I was like yeah of course
So then Monday at school I hear that he was telling his friends he was
single and he was like I’m glad to be single
and then he tweeted single life
And that really hurt because he had asked me like 3 months ago how mad I’d be if he tweeted something like that if we ever broke up and I was like I’d be pissed
Then he started flirting with other girls in front of me
And he hasn’t talked with me at all or texted me
I tried flirting with other guys but it just makes me feel sick to my stomach
And then he goes and posts that picture of him and this slutty freshman on twitter
But i’ve been all smiles at school
And I haven’t posted any depressing status’s and people think he’s just trying to look for a reaction from me, but I don’t know
Like he doesn’t know how much I’ve cried cause I cover it up, you know?
Alright that’s my sad story..
his friends don’t like me
He’s doing everything he knows he can do to hurt me.. Over the course of our relationship I told him everything that would hurt me if we ever broke up and he’s doing it all
And I don’t know if it’s cause he’s looking for a reaction of some sort from me because I’ve been putting on such a front and been acting all happy no sad statuses and smiles at school or if he really does want to tear me apart like he knows he’s doing..
Jacob Anuskiewiectz said he was feeling really bad about it, and that Miranda was the one who told someone to take the picture while they were together (she hates me) and like then she took his phone and uploaded it to twitter, and he didn’t want me to see it because he didn’t know how i’d react and then they asked him if he’d come back to me and he said idk we’ll see how the rest of the school year goes. And then like I guess our friend was looking through Jake’s phone and Jake still has like all the pictures he took of me or the pictures I sent of him and he still has all the pictures of us
Like I was great to him, and what we had was good. And he always told me if we broke up he’d hate every minute of it.
So I kinda feel like eventually he’ll need me again
I love him so much..
I always will..
Like I’ve always had a thing for him
You don’t know everything he’s helped me through…
I just hope my love will be enough to bring him back..
Like you don’t even know
Having him be there for you for every day for 2 years of your life..
And now he’s just gone?
And I don’t want to believe that I’m that easy to get over
That the 2 years meant nothing to him
That he won’t come back to me…
Idk if he’s just been waiting for baseball season to be over..
Idk
I hate this fucking guessing game that I’ve been reduced to playing..
And once the season’s done and he has nothing to do, if that’s when he’ll miss me
Cause ever since the season started he hasn’t really had time
We were fine before baseball season
And like he did tell his friend that as soon as baseball season started we didn’t see as much of each other
Every second of every day
All the memories haunt me
And it’s hard thinking that it could really be this easy on him
God if I had known that that kiss I got on Thursday would be the last kiss I ever got from him..
I swear to God I wouldn’t have let him go..
today Will Steward asked him what he thinks of the situation and he said he didn’t like the idea of dating a girl before and then Will asked if he ever thought about coming back and he said not really
Then Jake tweeted, “We’re in high school, have fun and don’t worry”
And then recently Jacob (one of mine and jakes mutual friends) sent jake a text saying, promise me you’ll go back and make things better with analise. And jake said I promise I just need to get settled in with baseball and I will by the end of the school year. So Jacob asked him how things are going with Miranda and he said boring.. We’re not getting anywhere and she makes things awkward then he also said he thinks she’s playing him because she flirts with a lot of guys in her grade so Jacob was like are you going to hook up with her? and he said prolly not. I’ve only known her for 2 months. And then Jacob was like why not? and jake was like because I know if I did analise would for sure leave me for good
Okay, so he texted me at like 7ish I want to say, and all he said was hey, so I didn’t wanna seem needy or anything (but really it was killing me not to text him back right away cause you know this is the first time that we’ve talked in about a week and a half) so I waited about 30 minuteish and then I texted him and just played it cool this is how the convo went
I’ll go me him me him me him
He said hey
I said hey and then he was like how are you? And I said bummed. I lost my job and he said really why and I was like college girls came back and took the job
And he was like that sucks i’m sorry and I was like how are you?
And he said pretty good and then I asked how baseball was going and he was like I’m the number one pitcher, so really good
And I was like thats good. Congrats
and he didn’t respond for about 40 mins and then he was like thanks. i’m really sorry i’ve been making you sad all this time:/
And I was like yea. i’ve been trying to keep myself busy. and he was like I really am sorry
and I was like it’s really okay
He was like I didn’t just stop caring
And I was like I know. I still care about you too and then he was like yeaaaa (lame right?)
And I didn’t respond to that cause like wtf. don’t try getting me to talk about my feelings then give me that type of an answer
Then 15 minutes later he texted me he was like I just don’t want you to be in the dumps because of me, i’m not that great of guy
(he was clearly looking for me to say something like omg noo jake you are, you’re worth it because that’s always what i’d do when we were dating like i’d always compliments him)
Instead I was like yea I realize that. And it’s fine, don’t worry about it
And he was like okay sorry I was just trying to look out for you
And I was like thanks jake I appreciate it(:
And he was like you’re welcome
I didn’t respond for like 40 mins and then I steered into small talk and I was nice and normal. Like i didn’t act bitchy or sad or mean or depressed
And we just talked about school, grades, whats been going on lately. baseball
Then I was like well I’m glad you’re doing good(:
And he was like yea, I hope you are too
And I was like yea. I’m getting there(:
And he said Good(: and then I was like I gotta go and finish my geometry homework, i’ll talk to you later and he said alright peace (like for the most part he was responding really fast to me, but like kindashortish answers, and also he NEVER says peace.. so i’m pretty sure he wasn’t expecting me to end the conversation, cause normally i NEVER would. I’d wanna talk to him for as long as I could)
the problem is that today in school I smiled and said hey to him cause we met eyes as he walked by and all he did was give me the upward head tilt..
But like it was really out of the blue for me to say hi to him
I just want to know how to get him back…

]]> Comment on How do I break up with my boyfriend? by tamerin http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-do-i-break-up-with-my-boyfriend/comment-page-1/#comment-103833 tamerin Sat, 19 May 2012 17:48:54 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6101#comment-103833 Wow, you have given me a lot to think about. And that article from Psychology Today was great.For a long time I've thought that I'd rather have a relationship that wasn't based on the fluttery, woozy, "in love" feelings because I've had those feelings for a guy who was a complete jerk wipe, so I know that's an unreliable basis for a relationship. I'm going to think deeply about what it is that I really want and need in a relationship. Thanks Guys so much!! I feel like I should pay you or something. You are excellent at what you do. Wow, you have given me a lot to think about. And that article from Psychology Today was great.For a long time I’ve thought that I’d rather have a relationship that wasn’t based on the fluttery, woozy, “in love” feelings because I’ve had those feelings for a guy who was a complete jerk wipe, so I know that’s an unreliable basis for a relationship. I’m going to think deeply about what it is that I really want and need in a relationship. Thanks Guys so much!! I feel like I should pay you or something. You are excellent at what you do.

]]> Comment on Break up confusion; will he come back? by Wendy http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/break-up-confusion-will-he-come-back/comment-page-1/#comment-103729 Wendy Sat, 19 May 2012 04:33:56 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2051#comment-103729 My bf and I had an arguement and he told me he was tired of me and that it was over. It really hurt me because I was making a great effort to please him without succeeding. I started talkin then txting to a guy while we were separated. 2 days after we get back and my friend and I keep txting. I tell him and he says Its over. I know I hurt him but I never cheated on him, i could never do that to him. He broke up with me and told me to forget about him, not to call him or get close to him or his family, and left it clear that he loved me but not anymore. Will he forgive me? Will our love be stronger? My bf and I had an arguement and he told me he was tired of me and that it was over. It really hurt me because I was making a great effort to please him without succeeding. I started talkin then txting to a guy while we were separated. 2 days after we get back and my friend and I keep txting. I tell him and he says Its over. I know I hurt him but I never cheated on him, i could never do that to him. He broke up with me and told me to forget about him, not to call him or get close to him or his family, and left it clear that he loved me but not anymore. Will he forgive me? Will our love be stronger?

]]> Comment on How to start a long distance relationship? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-to-start-a-long-distance-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103662 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 19:55:22 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2273#comment-103662 @Miss_O.....Thanks. Good luck. Keep us posted. @Miss_O…..Thanks. Good luck. Keep us posted.

]]> Comment on How to start a long distance relationship? by Miss_O1984 http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-to-start-a-long-distance-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103651 Miss_O1984 Fri, 18 May 2012 18:11:56 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2273#comment-103651 I just realized he might be thinking I'm a playa! Yikes..he's pretty much a guy with a cute face but was a fat kid and he says he's shy etc..geez if only he knows I'm the one who doesn't have any games! You guys have been helpful. Definitely refer to friends :) I just realized he might be thinking I’m a playa! Yikes..he’s pretty much a guy with a cute face but was a fat kid and he says he’s shy etc..geez if only he knows I’m the one who doesn’t have any games! You guys have been helpful. Definitely refer to friends :)

]]> Comment on How to start a long distance relationship? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-to-start-a-long-distance-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103647 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 17:43:20 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2273#comment-103647 @Miss_O1984.........Well, like we said, just be yourself, chill, and let him approach you. However, if this back and forth continues it's possible he's a Playa disguised in nice guy clothes. Keep us posted and good luck tomorrow as well as moving forward. Let us know if we can help in any other way. @Miss_O1984………Well, like we said, just be yourself, chill, and let him approach you. However, if this back and forth continues it’s possible he’s a Playa disguised in nice guy clothes. Keep us posted and good luck tomorrow as well as moving forward. Let us know if we can help in any other way.

]]> Comment on How to start a long distance relationship? by Miss_O1984 http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-to-start-a-long-distance-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103617 Miss_O1984 Fri, 18 May 2012 14:07:19 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2273#comment-103617 Hi again. Thanks! That's what pretty much I'm doing now. I haven't texted him but sadly he hasn't either. It's been 3 days. We'll be seeing him tomorrow at an obstacle course race but we didn't plant to go together. He'll be with his friends, I'll be with mine. We didn't discuss meeting and actually hanging out. What should I do? How do I act when I see him? I suck at this dating thing obviously :p I've only been with guys who were already my friends. This guy is completely outside of my circle and my comfort zone. I have the confidence and self-esteem but i just want to be careful not to be too straight forward. I'm an introverted extrovert but I'm very social, he seem to be social too. But he was a big boy before and he spends almost all his time at the gym now. That I don't mind competing with in fact I would let the gym win over me since end result is that I'd feast on that :p I've never have to think deep too much about a guy. Totally sucks to be in this position now. I'm already closing down my doors. I can't seem to try to at least be interested with other guys. I'm a busy person so it's not like I just wait until he communicates through lame texts but I find myself thinking about him all the time! It's becoming unhealthy lol!! Help :/ Hi again. Thanks! That’s what pretty much I’m doing now. I haven’t texted him but sadly he hasn’t either. It’s been 3 days. We’ll be seeing him tomorrow at an obstacle course race but we didn’t plant to go together. He’ll be with his friends, I’ll be with mine. We didn’t discuss meeting and actually hanging out. What should I do? How do I act when I see him? I suck at this dating thing obviously :p I’ve only been with guys who were already my friends. This guy is completely outside of my circle and my comfort zone. I have the confidence and self-esteem but i just want to be careful not to be too straight forward. I’m an introverted extrovert but I’m very social, he seem to be social too. But he was a big boy before and he spends almost all his time at the gym now. That I don’t mind competing with in fact I would let the gym win over me since end result is that I’d feast on that :p
I’ve never have to think deep too much about a guy. Totally sucks to be in this position now. I’m already closing down my doors. I can’t seem to try to at least be interested with other guys. I’m a busy person so it’s not like I just wait until he communicates through lame texts but I find myself thinking about him all the time! It’s becoming unhealthy lol!! Help :/

]]> Comment on Contemplating a long distance relationship; Could we be something more? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/contemplating-a-long-distance-relationship-could-we-be-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-103600 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 11:15:01 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4313#comment-103600 @Kim......Sorry, for missing this! Anyway, it sounds like a great week. It's a very good sign that he's texting you. Obviously you're on his mind. But of course life intervenes. Work. Distance. Kids. But yes, definitely there is a chance. Do you talk on the phone at all, or just text? Because we think you might need to drop a few hints that you'd love to see him again. He's flirting with you via text so maybe you could flirt back a little. If he mentions Thai food again you could respond, "When are we gonna get some Thai food together?" Or something like that. They key is to see him again. Then you'll have a better idea if this was something real, or a vacation fantasy/fling. If this is going to work we see this moving forward slowly. But the fact that you're both a little bit "older" helps, because you probably both have the means to visit one another. If you were in your 20s and just starting out it might be harder financially. Good luck, we have a good feeling about this. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. And we promise to respond more quickly next time. Take care. Also, you might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page. @Kim……Sorry, for missing this! Anyway, it sounds like a great week. It’s a very good sign that he’s texting you. Obviously you’re on his mind. But of course life intervenes. Work. Distance. Kids. But yes, definitely there is a chance. Do you talk on the phone at all, or just text? Because we think you might need to drop a few hints that you’d love to see him again. He’s flirting with you via text so maybe you could flirt back a little. If he mentions Thai food again you could respond, “When are we gonna get some Thai food together?” Or something like that. They key is to see him again. Then you’ll have a better idea if this was something real, or a vacation fantasy/fling. If this is going to work we see this moving forward slowly. But the fact that you’re both a little bit “older” helps, because you probably both have the means to visit one another. If you were in your 20s and just starting out it might be harder financially. Good luck, we have a good feeling about this. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. And we promise to respond more quickly next time. Take care. Also, you might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page.

]]> Comment on Long distance, work situation: Is he interested in me or just being nice? by A confusing long distance romance | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-work-situation-is-he-interested-in-me-or-just-being-nice/comment-page-1/#comment-103597 A confusing long distance romance | The Guy's Perspective Fri, 18 May 2012 10:57:03 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4214#comment-103597 [...] Long distance work situation; Is he interested or just being nice? [...] [...] Long distance work situation; Is he interested or just being nice? [...]

]]> Comment on Relationship Memoirs by A confusing long distance romance | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/women-speak/comment-page-1/#comment-103596 A confusing long distance romance | The Guy's Perspective Fri, 18 May 2012 10:56:48 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?page_id=4814#comment-103596 [...] Relationship Memoirs [...] [...] Relationship Memoirs [...]

]]> Comment on Relationship and Dating Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Friends with Benefits by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/humor/relationship-and-dating-advice-from-the-guys-perspective-friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103587 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 10:07:06 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5794#comment-103587 @Tans.........So what do you mean normal? Normal, as in, Friends with Benefits? Or normal, as in a relationship? Or normal, as in, a friendship? Honestly, the whole situation seems a bit unclear, which means it's hard to say what normal actually is. Also, we're not fans of a Friends with Benefits arrangement. They usually don't end well. Also, what exactly do you want from this guy? Friendship, relationship or what? ps. You might be interested in reading some of the "Relationship Memoirs" page. Some really good women writers on there. Also, please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Tans………So what do you mean normal? Normal, as in, Friends with Benefits? Or normal, as in a relationship? Or normal, as in, a friendship? Honestly, the whole situation seems a bit unclear, which means it’s hard to say what normal actually is. Also, we’re not fans of a Friends with Benefits arrangement. They usually don’t end well. Also, what exactly do you want from this guy? Friendship, relationship or what? ps. You might be interested in reading some of the “Relationship Memoirs” page. Some really good women writers on there. Also, please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Relationship and Dating Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Friends with Benefits by tans http://theguysperspective.com/humor/relationship-and-dating-advice-from-the-guys-perspective-friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103572 tans Fri, 18 May 2012 08:48:57 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5794#comment-103572 hey,I was datin this guy a few months bck but he broke up saying he had someone else and I didnt react or act all girly.I said oh ok and moved on with my life.After a while he came back and when i confrnted him about the other girl, who honestly feels like a figment of his imagination coz no one has ever seen or heard about her. Anyway, we hooked up a couple of times, and he was always on and off, hiding in his shell at every possibility of getting closer to me. One night he came to my door at 4am, drunk, begging me to talk and saying he cant stop thinking about me, and that he is falling for me but is scared coz in his past he got badly left behind, and believes I would do the same. The next mrng when i asked him, he said he was trying to distance himself from me all this time,thats why he had been acting weird. Anyway he retreated into his shell again. But when he came out we spoke clearly and decided to be Friends With Benfits, i explained to him that this meant that if he saw me with another guy, he dont react which happened just a few weeks before this conversation. He agreed, but when he left my room the next morning he shelled up again and finally i just sent him a long mail saying everything i wanted to and felt like. He replied positively and it went well for a week or two but then he avoided meeting up. Everytime we decided to "meet up" (both initiated the idea of meeting equally) he bailed last minute. To which i got frutrated and wrote to him "fine, i wont ever ask again.have fun" after which we havent spoken at all. how do i get him back to normal? hey,I was datin this guy a few months bck but he broke up saying he had someone else and I didnt react or act all girly.I said oh ok and moved on with my life.After a while he came back and when i confrnted him about the other girl, who honestly feels like a figment of his imagination coz no one has ever seen or heard about her. Anyway, we hooked up a couple of times, and he was always on and off, hiding in his shell at every possibility of getting closer to me. One night he came to my door at 4am, drunk, begging me to talk and saying he cant stop thinking about me, and that he is falling for me but is scared coz in his past he got badly left behind, and believes I would do the same. The next mrng when i asked him, he said he was trying to distance himself from me all this time,thats why he had been acting weird. Anyway he retreated into his shell again. But when he came out we spoke clearly and decided to be Friends With Benfits, i explained to him that this meant that if he saw me with another guy, he dont react which happened just a few weeks before this conversation. He agreed, but when he left my room the next morning he shelled up again and finally i just sent him a long mail saying everything i wanted to and felt like. He replied positively and it went well for a week or two but then he avoided meeting up. Everytime we decided to “meet up” (both initiated the idea of meeting equally) he bailed last minute. To which i got frutrated and wrote to him “fine, i wont ever ask again.have fun” after which we havent spoken at all. how do i get him back to normal?

]]> Comment on How to start a long distance relationship? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-to-start-a-long-distance-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103571 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 08:39:10 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2273#comment-103571 @Miss_O1984..........Well, you're going to really need to chill on this. He needs to step up to the plate and take the initiative. If he was really interested 2 hours is not that big of a deal. (We're assuming by car, not plane.) He should be the one asking you out, calling you, and pursuing you. What you can do is make it as obvious as you can that you'd be open to his advances. But, there's not much else you can do. You might see the potential in him, but if he doesn't start initiating more than occasional texts then it's possible he doesn't see the same potential as you do. But having said that, give this a little more time. Be patient. Let it ride for another month or so and see. And frankly, you might want to start letting him be the one to initiate calls, texts, and conversations. Sure, be affable when he calls, and enthusiastic, but let him work a little too. It's a fine balance. Good luck. Please keep us posted as this progresses. And feel free to ask another question anytime. Also, you might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Miss_O1984……….Well, you’re going to really need to chill on this. He needs to step up to the plate and take the initiative. If he was really interested 2 hours is not that big of a deal. (We’re assuming by car, not plane.) He should be the one asking you out, calling you, and pursuing you. What you can do is make it as obvious as you can that you’d be open to his advances. But, there’s not much else you can do. You might see the potential in him, but if he doesn’t start initiating more than occasional texts then it’s possible he doesn’t see the same potential as you do. But having said that, give this a little more time. Be patient. Let it ride for another month or so and see. And frankly, you might want to start letting him be the one to initiate calls, texts, and conversations. Sure, be affable when he calls, and enthusiastic, but let him work a little too. It’s a fine balance. Good luck. Please keep us posted as this progresses. And feel free to ask another question anytime. Also, you might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Will he come back? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-he-come-back-2/comment-page-1/#comment-103569 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 08:31:34 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3622#comment-103569 @Bec.......We're really sorry. We know this is hard. From what you describe, it doesn't sound like he's coming back. (Of course it's always possible) We're not sure what happened but we doubt it has to do with your behavior. Believe it or not, it's more likely due to his inexperience since you were his first girlfriend. He probably thought he felt a certain way at the beginning then realized as things progressed—and you had sex—that maybe he didn't. Sex is a big test for guys. If a guy is unsure inside, sex will let him know what he's actually feeling. What we mean is, if a guy starts to feel like he wants to flee after having sex it's a pretty good indication to him that he's not in it for the long haul. We know it's hard but we think you really need to move on. Take care of yourself. And be strong. you can do it. @Bec…….We’re really sorry. We know this is hard. From what you describe, it doesn’t sound like he’s coming back. (Of course it’s always possible) We’re not sure what happened but we doubt it has to do with your behavior. Believe it or not, it’s more likely due to his inexperience since you were his first girlfriend. He probably thought he felt a certain way at the beginning then realized as things progressed—and you had sex—that maybe he didn’t. Sex is a big test for guys. If a guy is unsure inside, sex will let him know what he’s actually feeling. What we mean is, if a guy starts to feel like he wants to flee after having sex it’s a pretty good indication to him that he’s not in it for the long haul. We know it’s hard but we think you really need to move on. Take care of yourself. And be strong. you can do it.

]]> Comment on Why is he not asking me out? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/why-is-he-not-asking-me-out/comment-page-1/#comment-103568 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 08:25:15 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3546#comment-103568 @Cheryl.......Interesting. Well, it seems you're doing everything you can to make it obvious, even suggesting a movie sometime. He doesn't sound like a player. Or as you say, a Playa. A player would ask you out, try and sleep with you and then kind of ignore you. A Playa wouldn't have a conscious, and would be more concerned with the "trophy" and not worry so much about the repercussions. So he's either Gun Shy or Not Interested. Could you be so bold as to invite him to dinner at your place? It could be a good idea and it could backfire, but you'd certainly get a better sense of where you stand with him. Hmm....what about some sort of investigative work? Could you find more out about his status? We're assuming he's not married, but is he actually single? The thing is Cheryl, some guys don't want to mix work and their personal lives. But typically, if a guy is really into a woman, he'd take the risk and go for it anyway. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. You might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page. Some really good female guest writers on there. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Cheryl…….Interesting. Well, it seems you’re doing everything you can to make it obvious, even suggesting a movie sometime. He doesn’t sound like a player. Or as you say, a Playa. A player would ask you out, try and sleep with you and then kind of ignore you. A Playa wouldn’t have a conscious, and would be more concerned with the “trophy” and not worry so much about the repercussions. So he’s either Gun Shy or Not Interested. Could you be so bold as to invite him to dinner at your place? It could be a good idea and it could backfire, but you’d certainly get a better sense of where you stand with him. Hmm….what about some sort of investigative work? Could you find more out about his status? We’re assuming he’s not married, but is he actually single? The thing is Cheryl, some guys don’t want to mix work and their personal lives. But typically, if a guy is really into a woman, he’d take the risk and go for it anyway. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. You might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page. Some really good female guest writers on there. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on How to start a long distance relationship? by Miss_O1984 http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/how-to-start-a-long-distance-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103563 Miss_O1984 Fri, 18 May 2012 08:14:06 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2273#comment-103563 I met a guy online. I messaged him first which I normally don't do. I thought his profile is funny, witty and by far the cutest guy I've seem on the site. My first time trying the online dating scene and when I messaged him it was just my 2nd week onto joining. We exchanged messages for two days and he finally asked for my number. Since then we would text and text not a whole lot but frequent. One night I had a family problem and I vented to him. That was our first phone conversation which lasted for 2 hours. After that more texting. We were going for about 3 weeks and then he stopped for 3-4 days. I was upset. Got annoyed and irritated but when he finally resumed texting I made it known that my interest in him deciminated. I just said I want to really meet him in person but there's no expectation. After that another week of texting a little less from both ends until one day he asked to meet with me. Finally! We met he brought his friend and I brought mine so it wasn't really a real first date. Things went really really well. We had fun and enjoyed each others company.for the next 3 days he would text me first but it never really turns into actual conversation which to me it really sucks. I really want to get to Know him to see if I'm really interested or just happy to meet someone I am physically and mentally (I think he's smart) attracted to. He never calls me and it really bothers me. I don't want to confront him about it because I just want to play it cool. We're not in any kind of relationship although he says he doesn't talk to anyone else and I'm the same way. I know I really like him but I'm afraid to express it all when we've only met once and barely communicate. He says he wants to take me sky-diving etc. but we haven't talked about when we would see each other again. Btw he lives 2 hours away from me and I know that's one of the factors of his hesitancy but at the same time when we met I'm person it didn't seem like that the distance would be a problem. I just want to know him more but I don't want to sound desperate and needy especially we just met and barely communicate with each other. What should I do or say that won't make me sound too desperate?? My intuition is telling he's a great guy. I just don't know how to deal with him and the situation. He posted a picture of me and him on his Facebook and instagram which I find odd since we barely talk to Each other. Ahhhhhh!!! I hate being in this situation but I also know he is a great potential for more but I just don't know of he's willing to Take a risk with me. He also never asks me about me. I always have to start a conversation even though he's the one who said hi first. I don't want to intimidate him too much if I confront him About wanting more..so I'm so torn I don't know what to do :,( I met a guy online. I messaged him first which I normally don’t do. I thought his profile is funny, witty and by far the cutest guy I’ve seem on the site. My first time trying the online dating scene and when I messaged him it was just my 2nd week onto joining.
We exchanged messages for two days and he finally asked for my number.
Since then we would text and text not a whole lot but frequent. One night I had a family problem and I vented to him. That was our first phone conversation which lasted for 2 hours. After that more texting. We were going for about 3 weeks and then he stopped for 3-4 days. I was upset. Got annoyed and irritated but when he finally resumed texting I made it known that my interest in him deciminated. I just said I want to really meet him in person but there’s no expectation.
After that another week of texting a little less from both ends until one day he asked to meet with me. Finally! We met he brought his friend and I brought mine so it wasn’t really a real first date. Things went really really well. We had fun and enjoyed each others company.for the next 3 days he would text me first but it never really turns into actual conversation which to me it really sucks. I really want to get to
Know him to see if I’m really interested or just happy to meet someone I am physically and mentally (I think he’s smart) attracted to.
He never calls me and it really bothers me. I don’t want to confront him about it because I just want to play it cool. We’re not in any kind of relationship although he says he doesn’t talk to anyone else and I’m the same way.
I know I really like him but I’m afraid to express it all when we’ve only met once and barely communicate. He says he wants to take me sky-diving etc. but we haven’t talked about when we would see each other again. Btw he lives 2 hours away from me and I know that’s one of the factors of his hesitancy but at the same time when we met I’m person it didn’t seem like that the distance would be a problem.
I just want to know him more but I don’t want to sound desperate and needy especially we just met and barely communicate with each other.
What should I do or say that won’t make me sound too desperate??
My intuition is telling he’s a great guy. I just don’t know how to deal with him and the situation. He posted a picture of me and him on his Facebook and instagram which I find odd since we barely talk to
Each other. Ahhhhhh!!! I hate being in this situation but I also know he is a great potential for more but I just don’t know of he’s willing to
Take a risk with me. He also never asks me about me. I always have to start a conversation even though he’s the one who said hi first. I don’t want to intimidate him too much if I confront him
About wanting more..so I’m so torn I don’t know what to do :,(

]]> Comment on Will he come back? by bec http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-he-come-back-2/comment-page-1/#comment-103554 bec Fri, 18 May 2012 06:47:31 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3622#comment-103554 hi, me and my ex dated for 2 months, it was short but we did a lot of things together. From the very first conversation that we had, we clicked automatically. We liked the same things and had lots of commonalities. We spoke to each other every day until morning time came and then we got together as a couple fairly quickly. I had my insecurity issues and I had told him about my past relationship that scarred me a lot. He had promised me that he wouldn't run away and basically told me that even after we have sex, we will still have fun together. I basically let my guard down and let him into my life and he let me into his as well. We had sex and I think we rushed into things; I was his first girlfriend and his first for everything. All seemed fine, but sometimes we would argue over petty things and I felt that there were tensions remaining but I would ignore it and pretend as if nothing has happened the very next day. We got along fine, and he would tell me sweet things in the beginning of the relationship. I felt that it was falling apart and then I think I messed up because I felt that I got too clingy and forced him to find me unattractive. I was afraid of losing him. Soon, in the course of two months, we went from closer than ever to nothing. He texted me that night and told me that he was losing feelings for me and he didnt know why. He had initially asked for a break, and then it seemed like he was breaking up with me, so I directly asked him and said are you breaking up with me. Then he said he was sorry it had to end this way. Instinctively, I begged and pleaded for him not to go and I was desperate to make things work between us. That was the last time we ever spoke to one another. He told me that he first felt that there was a spark but then now there is nothing left and he asked me to respect his decision. I was devastated. After that, two days later, he deactivates his facebook account, his friend deletes me off of his facebook, and then a week later, he changes his AIM icon because it used to be a picture of my dog. He wouldn't even come see me to speak to me about the break up, and I had something that belongs to him, but I don't know how I would return it. It has been a month since we last spoke, I keep thinking about him, over and over again, wondering if there is ever a chance between me and him and if he misses me at all. I keep thinking if he has blocked my number yet or anything close to that. My friend speaks to his friend and it seems that he has been doing fine because he always busies himself with work and he goes out with his friends every weekend. With his confidence, I think he has moved on and forgotten about me as well. I don't know what else to do; I don't feel like moving on because I feel like there is something left, but then again I am doubting that feeling. We had made plans together and we did have lots of fun together. I miss him terribly and I don't want to contact him because I am afraid of the rejection. I don't know if we can ever be friends again, but I would really love for that to happen. What should I do? Does it seem that we would maybe get back together from this situation? If it does, what should I do? hi,
me and my ex dated for 2 months, it was short but we did a lot of things together. From the very first conversation that we had, we clicked automatically. We liked the same things and had lots of commonalities. We spoke to each other every day until morning time came and then we got together as a couple fairly quickly. I had my insecurity issues and I had told him about my past relationship that scarred me a lot. He had promised me that he wouldn’t run away and basically told me that even after we have sex, we will still have fun together. I basically let my guard down and let him into my life and he let me into his as well. We had sex and I think we rushed into things; I was his first girlfriend and his first for everything. All seemed fine, but sometimes we would argue over petty things and I felt that there were tensions remaining but I would ignore it and pretend as if nothing has happened the very next day. We got along fine, and he would tell me sweet things in the beginning of the relationship. I felt that it was falling apart and then I think I messed up because I felt that I got too clingy and forced him to find me unattractive. I was afraid of losing him. Soon, in the course of two months, we went from closer than ever to nothing. He texted me that night and told me that he was losing feelings for me and he didnt know why. He had initially asked for a break, and then it seemed like he was breaking up with me, so I directly asked him and said are you breaking up with me. Then he said he was sorry it had to end this way. Instinctively, I begged and pleaded for him not to go and I was desperate to make things work between us. That was the last time we ever spoke to one another. He told me that he first felt that there was a spark but then now there is nothing left and he asked me to respect his decision. I was devastated. After that, two days later, he deactivates his facebook account, his friend deletes me off of his facebook, and then a week later, he changes his AIM icon because it used to be a picture of my dog. He wouldn’t even come see me to speak to me about the break up, and I had something that belongs to him, but I don’t know how I would return it. It has been a month since we last spoke, I keep thinking about him, over and over again, wondering if there is ever a chance between me and him and if he misses me at all. I keep thinking if he has blocked my number yet or anything close to that. My friend speaks to his friend and it seems that he has been doing fine because he always busies himself with work and he goes out with his friends every weekend. With his confidence, I think he has moved on and forgotten about me as well. I don’t know what else to do; I don’t feel like moving on because I feel like there is something left, but then again I am doubting that feeling. We had made plans together and we did have lots of fun together. I miss him terribly and I don’t want to contact him because I am afraid of the rejection. I don’t know if we can ever be friends again, but I would really love for that to happen. What should I do? Does it seem that we would maybe get back together from this situation? If it does, what should I do?

]]> Comment on Why is he not asking me out? by Cheryl http://theguysperspective.com/guys/why-is-he-not-asking-me-out/comment-page-1/#comment-103543 Cheryl Fri, 18 May 2012 04:22:56 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3546#comment-103543 Hi Guys, What a universal situation! I've never entertained the idea of dating someone from work, but suddenly, after 4 handful of years at the same job, joila, there he is. I'm the, "nice girl that appears to have everything under control." He's the smooth, handsome, and super nice guy in another department. In the span of a couple months, we've exchanged a slew of texts, instant messaging, and phone conversations. We go to lunch and breaks, and he finds ways to do the split second hands on my hips, shoulders, and my back.I love that! We banter like crazy, but I'm still waiting for him to ask me out...AND he shakes my hand (shakes my hand?!) at least on a couple occasions. Yes, I've been so bold as to suggest, "hey, we should go see a movie sometime." He drove to my home (first time to my home!) to bring me lunch while I was out a day from work...and ummm, am I missing something? Mixed messages, no night date, and daily conversations/banter are muddling which conclusion I should draw. Playa, or just extremely Gun Shy? Hi Guys,
What a universal situation! I’ve never entertained the idea of dating someone from work, but suddenly, after 4 handful of years at the same job, joila, there he is. I’m the, “nice girl that appears to have everything under control.” He’s the smooth, handsome, and super nice guy in another department. In the span of a couple months, we’ve exchanged a slew of texts, instant messaging, and phone conversations. We go to lunch and breaks, and he finds ways to do the split second hands on my hips, shoulders, and my back.I love that! We banter like crazy, but I’m still waiting for him to ask me out…AND he shakes my hand (shakes my hand?!) at least on a couple occasions. Yes, I’ve been so bold as to suggest, “hey, we should go see a movie sometime.” He drove to my home (first time to my home!) to bring me lunch while I was out a day from work…and ummm, am I missing something? Mixed messages, no night date, and daily conversations/banter are muddling which conclusion I should draw. Playa, or just extremely Gun Shy?

]]> Comment on I’m short and I don’t feel I’m beautiful by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/ideas/im-short-and-i-dont-feel-im-beautiful/comment-page-1/#comment-103530 One of the Guys Fri, 18 May 2012 02:26:33 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5771#comment-103530 @Wendy.......Thanks for your supportive words. It's nice to hear your story. @Wendy…….Thanks for your supportive words. It’s nice to hear your story.

]]> Comment on I’m short and I don’t feel I’m beautiful by Wendy http://theguysperspective.com/ideas/im-short-and-i-dont-feel-im-beautiful/comment-page-1/#comment-103522 Wendy Fri, 18 May 2012 01:58:38 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5771#comment-103522 Hi Sarah I can really relate to what you are going through. I'm in my 30s now, but I am 5'1" and was that height at your age AND I looked really young at 16, so much younger than anyone. I was quiet and really shy too. However, I developed myself from the inside- I had unique talents and interests and my inner beauty came through. I worked with the physical beauty I did have. I never wore red lipstick... but I didn't need it. I actually wound up being the only girl in my high school that had a boyfriend for 3 1/2 years (and he was 6'5"!). I sort of wish now that I had just been a normal 16 year old girl who developed herself and didn't focus so much on a boyfriend. Your height is perfectly normal for a woman and if you are worried about men- many men like short women because we make them feel big and strong. I'm sure a lot of men have walked right past me and pursued women who are more the "ideal" body type, but I've always dated attractive men who were attracted to me, so focus on all of the beautiful aspects of yourelf and make the most of them. There are lots of women out there who are the "ideal" beauty but they have not developed their inner selves, and they are not that attractive in the end. Look at these awful Kim Kardashian type people- she's gorgeous, but completely self absorbed. What man will put up with her long term? Your body is going to change a lot as you get older and there will always be things you don't like about it. But I really recommend focusing on the good things about it and you will feel more comfortable and happy with it. People are very envious of me now that I look younger than I am and it is a nice payback for what I went through as a teenager. My boyfriend is similar. He is 40 now and people are stunned- he looks 25! Hi Sarah
I can really relate to what you are going through. I’m in my 30s now, but I am 5’1″ and was that height at your age AND I looked really young at 16, so much younger than anyone. I was quiet and really shy too. However, I developed myself from the inside- I had unique talents and interests and my inner beauty came through. I worked with the physical beauty I did have. I never wore red lipstick… but I didn’t need it. I actually wound up being the only girl in my high school that had a boyfriend for 3 1/2 years (and he was 6’5″!). I sort of wish now that I had just been a normal 16 year old girl who developed herself and didn’t focus so much on a boyfriend. Your height is perfectly normal for a woman and if you are worried about men- many men like short women because we make them feel big and strong. I’m sure a lot of men have walked right past me and pursued women who are more the “ideal” body type, but I’ve always dated attractive men who were attracted to me, so focus on all of the beautiful aspects of yourelf and make the most of them. There are lots of women out there who are the “ideal” beauty but they have not developed their inner selves, and they are not that attractive in the end. Look at these awful Kim Kardashian type people- she’s gorgeous, but completely self absorbed. What man will put up with her long term? Your body is going to change a lot as you get older and there will always be things you don’t like about it. But I really recommend focusing on the good things about it and you will feel more comfortable and happy with it. People are very envious of me now that I look younger than I am and it is a nice payback for what I went through as a teenager. My boyfriend is similar. He is 40 now and people are stunned- he looks 25!

]]> Comment on Are we “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) or does he want something more? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/are-we-friends-with-benefits-fwb-or-does-he-want-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-103453 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 19:08:54 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5244#comment-103453 @LLPriincess..........Glad you're moving on to something more stable. It's time to have "the talk" with this guy. Yes, this is always a slight risk, but you don't want to get into a situation where you let it ride and then find out the two of you are on different pages. And if you're sleeping with him, then you're certainly far enough along in your relationship to ask him what is going on, and to tell him what you want. Let us know how it goes. Like we always say, there are no guarantees, but it sure seems like he's into you. Good luck and keep us posted. @LLPriincess……….Glad you’re moving on to something more stable. It’s time to have “the talk” with this guy. Yes, this is always a slight risk, but you don’t want to get into a situation where you let it ride and then find out the two of you are on different pages. And if you’re sleeping with him, then you’re certainly far enough along in your relationship to ask him what is going on, and to tell him what you want. Let us know how it goes. Like we always say, there are no guarantees, but it sure seems like he’s into you. Good luck and keep us posted.

]]> Comment on Are we “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) or does he want something more? by IIPriincess http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/are-we-friends-with-benefits-fwb-or-does-he-want-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-103446 IIPriincess Thu, 17 May 2012 18:39:08 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5244#comment-103446 i also had another question . a guy i slept with says he " likes me " and that im really pretty and such . weve gone out around 8 times only cause we live far apart from eachother . and the 8th time we hung out we slept together . he was in a 4 year relationship that didnt end that long ago . and says he wants to be with me now , but hasnt really approached me with he question . if we hang out , had sex , talk on the phone and he is always texting me , does it mean that were going out ? Weve known eachother for two years already . but barely started hanging out this past 2 months and he says his really into me and im really into him . idk , im confused are we just FWB ? or is he my BF . THis is the guy i am leaving my old FWB partner for . BTW i got tired of having a FWB i want a stable realatioship now i also had another question . a guy i slept with says he ” likes me ” and that im really pretty and such . weve gone out around 8 times only cause we live far apart from eachother . and the 8th time we hung out we slept together . he was in a 4 year relationship that didnt end that long ago . and says he wants to be with me now , but hasnt really approached me with he question . if we hang out , had sex , talk on the phone and he is always texting me , does it mean that were going out ? Weve known eachother for two years already . but barely started hanging out this past 2 months and he says his really into me and im really into him . idk , im confused are we just FWB ? or is he my BF . THis is the guy i am leaving my old FWB partner for . BTW i got tired of having a FWB i want a stable realatioship now

]]> Comment on Hooking up without being attached; would a guy do that if he wasn’t into me? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/hooking-up-without-being-attached-would-a-guy-do-that-if-he-wasnt-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103426 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 16:10:43 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6129#comment-103426 @Savvy......What we can tell you is this situation is NOT good for you. It's playing with your emotions, messing with your self-confidence, and preventing you from moving forward to possibly have a true committed relationship filled with love and mutual respect. We could beat around the bush, but from our experience his behavior is directly correlated to his "horniness cycle." Let's say you get together with him on Saturday evenings. Probably around Tues/Wed he's starting to anticipate seeing you and having sex. Hormones start flooding through his body and he becomes sweeter, more emotional, kinder, less aloof, he does whatever he needs to do to convince you it's not just about sex. Which is also why your time with him feels like more than just sex, because any guy can be charming for a day/night. You should read our "Relationship Memoirs" page. Try this.<a href="http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale/" rel="nofollow"> "Rebecca, a Memoir" </a> But once the deed is done he goes into his down cycle where he isn't interested in you, says you're being creepy if you want to talk, and basically treats you like you don't exist. And frankly, these types of FWB relationships rarely transition into something more serious. You should also watch our video on "Friends with Benefits" for more information. Please take a moment to ask yourself what you truly want from this guy, or out of a relationship? It sounds like you already know, but sometimes it helps to sit down and think about it. Because it's clear that you and him don't want the same things. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask us a follow up question, and keep us posted as this progresses. Good luck. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Savvy……What we can tell you is this situation is NOT good for you. It’s playing with your emotions, messing with your self-confidence, and preventing you from moving forward to possibly have a true committed relationship filled with love and mutual respect. We could beat around the bush, but from our experience his behavior is directly correlated to his “horniness cycle.” Let’s say you get together with him on Saturday evenings. Probably around Tues/Wed he’s starting to anticipate seeing you and having sex. Hormones start flooding through his body and he becomes sweeter, more emotional, kinder, less aloof, he does whatever he needs to do to convince you it’s not just about sex. Which is also why your time with him feels like more than just sex, because any guy can be charming for a day/night. You should read our “Relationship Memoirs” page. Try this. “Rebecca, a Memoir” But once the deed is done he goes into his down cycle where he isn’t interested in you, says you’re being creepy if you want to talk, and basically treats you like you don’t exist. And frankly, these types of FWB relationships rarely transition into something more serious. You should also watch our video on “Friends with Benefits” for more information. Please take a moment to ask yourself what you truly want from this guy, or out of a relationship? It sounds like you already know, but sometimes it helps to sit down and think about it. Because it’s clear that you and him don’t want the same things. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask us a follow up question, and keep us posted as this progresses. Good luck. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Friends with benefits by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103423 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 15:52:20 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2219#comment-103423 @Amber.....Good luck and take care. @Amber…..Good luck and take care.

]]> Comment on Hooking up without being attached; would a guy do that if he wasn’t into me? by Savvy http://theguysperspective.com/guys/hooking-up-without-being-attached-would-a-guy-do-that-if-he-wasnt-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103422 Savvy Thu, 17 May 2012 15:47:37 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6129#comment-103422 I was told also I would get a quicker answer by leaving a reply... Theres a guy that I am extremely into. He claims he wants to be my friend.He is a very busy guy. He says that regardless of anything he wants me in his life somehow. We have sex quite often, at least once a week or more. We only hang out at his place. When we are together he is sweet. Most times I sleep over. He holds me in the night, and kisses my face or forehead alot. He sighs alot and says "oh you" it like his main signature saying. He tells me "You make me so happy" he tells me I am comforting to him. He calls me his property in a joking kind of way.Requests i don't have sex with other men. We have deep conversations about whatever things we find interesting. When I am with him, I am his world. He has this side to him that wants me to love him. A side to him, that wants to love me. he calls that his twisted side. He tells me, "believe me, you don't want me to love you. It would be bad" he plays around on my emotions alot. He pretends, or at least i think its pretending to have feelings for me. He says to me "your smart enough to know its not real though." When we are not together he withdraws from me. Does not want to really speak to me at all. Not until he wants to hang out again. He claims when we hang out its not just for sex. Its for everything. The comfort, conversations, endearment, the overall feeling of having someone there. We have quite a few things in common, like music and writing, and things that just interest us both. Why does he say I am comforting to him? And why will he not stop playing with my emotions, even when I ask him to stop? Is a real friends with benefits supposed to keep showing signs of affection? And when we are not together why does he avoid me? Also, if I try to talk to him, he says i am being creepy to him, because he thinks I am trying to make it more than just a friendship, and he cant handle anything more than just a friend. When I go to see him, he tells me that he has missed me. He asks if I have missed him, and I try to just protect myself by saying "no not really" and he says thats a shame. He says he is addicted to me. once he said "Im hopeless". I just do not understand him, he is a mystery to me. Can someone tell me whats going on, cause I sure do not know. Thanks I was told also I would get a quicker answer by leaving a reply…

Theres a guy that I am extremely into. He claims he wants to be my friend.He is a very busy guy. He says that regardless of anything he wants me in his life somehow. We have sex quite often, at least once a week or more. We only hang out at his place. When we are together he is sweet. Most times I sleep over. He holds me in the night, and kisses my face or forehead alot. He sighs alot and says “oh you” it like his main signature saying. He tells me “You make me so happy” he tells me I am comforting to him. He calls me his property in a joking kind of way.Requests i don’t have sex with other men. We have deep conversations about whatever things we find interesting. When I am with him, I am his world. He has this side to him that wants me to love him. A side to him, that wants to love me. he calls that his twisted side. He tells me, “believe me, you don’t want me to love you. It would be bad” he plays around on my emotions alot. He pretends, or at least i think its pretending to have feelings for me. He says to me “your smart enough to know its not real though.” When we are not together he withdraws from me. Does not want to really speak to me at all. Not until he wants to hang out again. He claims when we hang out its not just for sex. Its for everything. The comfort, conversations, endearment, the overall feeling of having someone there. We have quite a few things in common, like music and writing, and things that just interest us both. Why does he say I am comforting to him? And why will he not stop playing with my emotions, even when I ask him to stop? Is a real friends with benefits supposed to keep showing signs of affection? And when we are not together why does he avoid me?
Also, if I try to talk to him, he says i am being creepy to him, because he thinks I am trying to make it more than just a friendship, and he cant handle anything more than just a friend. When I go to see him, he tells me that he has missed me. He asks if I have missed him, and I try to just protect myself by saying “no not really” and he says thats a shame. He says he is addicted to me. once he said “Im hopeless”. I just do not understand him, he is a mystery to me. Can someone tell me whats going on, cause I sure do not know. Thanks

]]> Comment on Friends with benefits by amber http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103393 amber Thu, 17 May 2012 13:20:14 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2219#comment-103393 hi guys, thank you so much for your prompt response. yeah, it maybe a harsh and sad truth. guess i wasnt really over him and im just in denial state because i dont want to lose what little is left for me. but its not good for me. i needed a guys opinion and i got what i wanted. im not really expecting us to be ok or jump into the next level again, more of, i still want him to be part of my life, becase i knw once i stop sleeping with him, he wont talk to me anymore. im after the friendship really but his after the benefits. wow, yeah i should do something about it. thanks! hi guys,

thank you so much for your prompt response. yeah, it maybe a harsh and sad truth. guess i wasnt really over him and im just in denial state because i dont want to lose what little is left for me. but its not good for me. i needed a guys opinion and i got what i wanted. im not really expecting us to be ok or jump into the next level again, more of, i still want him to be part of my life, becase i knw once i stop sleeping with him, he wont talk to me anymore. im after the friendship really but his after the benefits.

wow, yeah i should do something about it. thanks!

]]> Comment on Is he playing me? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-he-playing-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103375 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 10:58:28 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2084#comment-103375 @London.........Guys like a challenge at first but they certainly don't want their girlfriend flirting with a ton of other guys. The definition of Booty Call is: Semi-regular sex without any sort of commitment. Slightly different than a Friends with Benefits arrangement, but similar. Our advice: Cool it a bit with the drink, and see if he'll ask you out on a proper date. Maybe drop a hint, or let your friends know so they can tell his friends, that you'd be open to having him ask you out. Meeting up at bars, parties, and at his house isn't going to give you answers. Those situations are just a bit too nebulous. You need to know definitively, which means your goal should be for the two of you to go out without ANYONE else with you. @London………Guys like a challenge at first but they certainly don’t want their girlfriend flirting with a ton of other guys. The definition of Booty Call is: Semi-regular sex without any sort of commitment. Slightly different than a Friends with Benefits arrangement, but similar. Our advice: Cool it a bit with the drink, and see if he’ll ask you out on a proper date. Maybe drop a hint, or let your friends know so they can tell his friends, that you’d be open to having him ask you out. Meeting up at bars, parties, and at his house isn’t going to give you answers. Those situations are just a bit too nebulous. You need to know definitively, which means your goal should be for the two of you to go out without ANYONE else with you.

]]> Comment on Is he playing me? by London http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-he-playing-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103358 London Thu, 17 May 2012 08:05:46 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2084#comment-103358 @one of the guys. He knows I don't sleep around so would he still consider me as a booty call? I told him I don't mess around with boys unless they're my boyfriend. I knew he was interested in me because my girlfriend told me. However, the first time we chilled we were drinking with his buddies and their girls. When we went to a club after he was talking to other girls infront of my face and buying them drinks. I thought he wasn't even into me until my girlfriend told me he was the next day. The whole time I was drinking with his other buddies and paid some attention to him. I don't know if this is a clue if he wanted to be serious with me but ever since he thought I was interested in him he stopped being shady with me. He told me what time he was going to some place and told me who he was with. He even explained himself to me. That night after the club we went a restaurant where there were girls. He explained that they were his buddies girls not his when I didn't even talk about that issue to him. He’s shady again now though because he thinks I talk to a bunch of guys. He said I was too hard to get because I would never come out with him whenever he asked me to chill and it's only because I don't set myself up for things like this. Would he actually take me seriously and not think I'm just some hoe he can mess with for a night if he knows that I don't mess around? Does it make a guy not want to ask a girl out when they know she's talking to alot of guys or does he like the challenge? I just don't know what to do with this guy. We kinda get into petty fights that don't get too serious but you can kinda tell one of us gets offended. Like this other time I was at his place and I was gonna leave with my girlfriend to go drink with her buddies but I told them i'm going home. Apparently ever since I got to his place all i wanted to do was leave. His buddy was complaining and he was too that I wanted to leave. He later put on his fb status implying me to leave. Why do guys do that on their statuses..? after he was all mad at me when I was gonna hug him and say bye. i forced the hug on him and left haha i was drunk btw. @one of the guys. He knows I don’t sleep around so would he still consider me as a booty call? I told him I don’t mess around with boys unless they’re my boyfriend. I knew he was interested in me because my girlfriend told me. However, the first time we chilled we were drinking with his buddies and their girls. When we went to a club after he was talking to other girls infront of my face and buying them drinks. I thought he wasn’t even into me until my girlfriend told me he was the next day. The whole time I was drinking with his other buddies and paid some attention to him. I don’t know if this is a clue if he wanted to be serious with me but ever since he thought I was interested in him he stopped being shady with me. He told me what time he was going to some place and told me who he was with. He even explained himself to me. That night after the club we went a restaurant where there were girls. He explained that they were his buddies girls not his when I didn’t even talk about that issue to him. He’s shady again now though because he thinks I talk to a bunch of guys. He said I was too hard to get because I would never come out with him whenever he asked me to chill and it’s only because I don’t set myself up for things like this. Would he actually take me seriously and not think I’m just some hoe he can mess with for a night if he knows that I don’t mess around? Does it make a guy not want to ask a girl out when they know she’s talking to alot of guys or does he like the challenge? I just don’t know what to do with this guy. We kinda get into petty fights that don’t get too serious but you can kinda tell one of us gets offended. Like this other time I was at his place and I was gonna leave with my girlfriend to go drink with her buddies but I told them i’m going home. Apparently ever since I got to his place all i wanted to do was leave. His buddy was complaining and he was too that I wanted to leave. He later put on his fb status implying me to leave. Why do guys do that on their statuses..? after he was all mad at me when I was gonna hug him and say bye. i forced the hug on him and left haha i was drunk btw.

]]> Comment on Getting over him still by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/getting-over-him-still/comment-page-1/#comment-103307 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 03:05:05 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2781#comment-103307 @Natalie.....So why did you freak out? It might help us give you a better answer. The bottom line: If he's really interested in you then any sort of revelation coming from you would likely be well-received. And to answer your question, why would he flirt with you and then cut it off? Well, it could be because he doesn't want the same thing to happen again. It's his way of testing the waters a bit and being in control. You're probably going to have to take the initiative in this situation, since you were the one that freaked out the first time around. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask us a follow up question, and if you'd like, give us more details. Also, please let your friends know about us. And finally, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page. There are some really good female writers on there. Thanks! @Natalie…..So why did you freak out? It might help us give you a better answer. The bottom line: If he’s really interested in you then any sort of revelation coming from you would likely be well-received. And to answer your question, why would he flirt with you and then cut it off? Well, it could be because he doesn’t want the same thing to happen again. It’s his way of testing the waters a bit and being in control. You’re probably going to have to take the initiative in this situation, since you were the one that freaked out the first time around. Hope this helps. Feel free to ask us a follow up question, and if you’d like, give us more details. Also, please let your friends know about us. And finally, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are some really good female writers on there. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Is he playing me? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-he-playing-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103305 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 03:00:35 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2084#comment-103305 @London......Some guys do, but not all. Guys are also territorial, even when they're not completely interested themselves. For example: Even if he thought of you as only a Booty Call he still wouldn't want other guys talking to you or messing with you. It's the way we're built. He's definitely interested in you, but it's hard to say in what capacity. He could want a serious relationship with you, or he could want just sex. Or something in between. Whatever it is, he feels like he can't get it by being direct so he's taking the circuitous route to achieve his goal. This alone is a red flag. Guys need to be direct, at least that's our opinion. Hope this helps a little. Please feel free to ask a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Thanks! @London……Some guys do, but not all. Guys are also territorial, even when they’re not completely interested themselves. For example: Even if he thought of you as only a Booty Call he still wouldn’t want other guys talking to you or messing with you. It’s the way we’re built. He’s definitely interested in you, but it’s hard to say in what capacity. He could want a serious relationship with you, or he could want just sex. Or something in between. Whatever it is, he feels like he can’t get it by being direct so he’s taking the circuitous route to achieve his goal. This alone is a red flag. Guys need to be direct, at least that’s our opinion. Hope this helps a little. Please feel free to ask a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Will my fiance be back? I still love him by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-my-fiance-be-back-i-still-love-him/comment-page-1/#comment-103304 One of the Guys Thu, 17 May 2012 02:55:05 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6083#comment-103304 @Kimberly........Sorry for your pain. He's not doing anything to you per se. And he's not doing these things to hurt you. At least it doesn't seem like it. Sure his decision impacts you, but it sounds as if he's doing exactly what he says he's doing: Working on himself. At this point there's nothing you can do but let him travel his own path. At some point this may include you again, but he sounds pretty clear that his mission involves his church. We agree that you shouldn't be fake and pretend to believe things you don't believe. So the best thing to do is focus on the things that make you happy, and let him focus on what he needs to do. Then the rest is up to fate. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And good luck. @Kimberly……..Sorry for your pain. He’s not doing anything to you per se. And he’s not doing these things to hurt you. At least it doesn’t seem like it. Sure his decision impacts you, but it sounds as if he’s doing exactly what he says he’s doing: Working on himself. At this point there’s nothing you can do but let him travel his own path. At some point this may include you again, but he sounds pretty clear that his mission involves his church. We agree that you shouldn’t be fake and pretend to believe things you don’t believe. So the best thing to do is focus on the things that make you happy, and let him focus on what he needs to do. Then the rest is up to fate. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And good luck.

]]> Comment on Getting over him still by Natalie http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/getting-over-him-still/comment-page-1/#comment-103282 Natalie Thu, 17 May 2012 00:40:45 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2781#comment-103282 Dear guys,just posting.. semi on this issue. its about getting over someone but a friend Back in highschool, a guy friend and I grew quite close but I was a year older than him and we hung out with different people. Im christian and hes not and we have quite different personalities. I still really liked him and I felt ditto (he constantly checked me out and we txtd heaps for about 3 months?). When I felt he was going to ask me out, I realised/thought it wouldnt work and also freaked out. This other guy, who stereotypically seemed like one I would go for, txted me and I went out with him to get over my friend. (I know, so bad) I eventually said sorry to my friend but didnt explain the whole 'why' i freaked out and went out with someone else. about 5 years has gone by and we talk briefly every 4 months or so. We started university together 3 years ago. My friend sometimes txts me out of the blue, flirts with me quite a bit,then he suddenly cuts it off. While this seems so 'highschool', I think about what happened now and then and how it was never fully resolved (doesnt seem resolved to me) I just want to know an honest guys perspective, about what I should do and also why he would flirt with me then cut it off. Also if I should actually one day talk to him about this. I dont want to be 'that crazy girl who made it way more than it needed to be' but I do want to deal with it somehow. Would he appreciate me actually bringing it up and explaining myself? If not should I just get over it Dear guys,just posting.. semi on this issue. its about getting over someone but a friend

Back in highschool, a guy friend and I grew quite close but I was a year older than him and we hung out with different people. Im christian and hes not and we have quite different personalities. I still really liked him and I felt ditto (he constantly checked me out and we txtd heaps for about 3 months?). When I felt he was going to ask me out, I realised/thought it wouldnt work and also freaked out. This other guy, who stereotypically seemed like one I would go for, txted me and I went out with him to get over my friend. (I know, so bad)

I eventually said sorry to my friend but didnt explain the whole ‘why’ i freaked out and went out with someone else. about 5 years has gone by and we talk briefly every 4 months or so. We started university together 3 years ago.

My friend sometimes txts me out of the blue, flirts with me quite a bit,then he suddenly cuts it off.

While this seems so ‘highschool’, I think about what happened now and then and how it was never fully resolved (doesnt seem resolved to me)

I just want to know an honest guys perspective, about what I should do and also why he would flirt with me then cut it off. Also if I should actually one day talk to him about this. I dont want to be ‘that crazy girl who made it way more than it needed to be’ but I do want to deal with it somehow. Would he appreciate me actually bringing it up and explaining myself? If not should I just get over it

]]> Comment on Is he playing me? by London http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/is-he-playing-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103256 London Wed, 16 May 2012 20:57:45 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2084#comment-103256 I used to have this thing with this guy who’s a player. We've made out before but i was really drunk so i don't remember. We've chilled at his place a lot with other girlfriends and buddies. We've only held hands and cuddled. He’s never tried to sleep with me. The thing is I was flirting with one of his close buddies too at the time. When he found out I was still talking to his close buddy he was acting distant from me and stopped talking to me for a week. These guys are really shady to each other by the way. His buddy knew I had a thing with his friend but he obviously just wanted to sleep with me so he didn’t tell him anything. Now whenever I see him he teases me and talks about all these guys I know (he knows the guys I talk to because my girlfriends blurt it out when they’re around him and his buddies) and makes fun of me. I don't care if he knows about the guys I talk to because I wouldn't date guys that are players like him anyways simply because I can't take them seriously. Like this one time we were all drunk at his place, I met this guy from another buddy’s of mine that I was drinking with earlier that I’m just friends with. He kept calling me and I answered the phone and I was about to leave his place so I can talk in private and he was like “hey babe, can you get my towel?” loudly. I’m obviously like wtf but I don’t really care either. While I was outside of his place talking on the phone telling my friend that I was sleeping soon, he was standing outside eavesdropping on my whole conversation. And when I come back in he’s like teasing me saying “why you lying to your buddy saying you’re sleeping when you’re really at another guy’s place” I obviously didn’t answer because I’m not telling him my excuses cause me and my girlfriends left them to chill with him and his buddies. Later on, when I was going to leave my girlfriend kept naming all these guys to pick me up and drive me home. She was like you should just go breakfast with them. I was going to kill her because I don’t like guys knowing I talk to other guys. I was like no I don’t want to see them. Then as I was leaving his place he was like “London, let’s go get breakfast!!” teasing me as in he was one of those guys. I really don’t understand what is up with this guy; he is irritating the shit out of me. I don’t get if he’s mad that I kind of played him out, or he’s interested? Like why do you care so much about what’s going on in my life? I don’t care if my girls talk about other guys in his face because I’m not going to date you or see you so I don’t care or have the necessity to be shady. I wouldn’t even care if he talked about girls he’s talking to me either. He did tell one of my girlfriends he was interested in me but told her he was giving up because I was too hard to get. Do guys just act like they care about you just to mess with your head? I used to have this thing with this guy who’s a player. We’ve made out before but i was really drunk so i don’t remember. We’ve chilled at his place a lot with other girlfriends and buddies. We’ve only held hands and cuddled. He’s never tried to sleep with me. The thing is I was flirting with one of his close buddies too at the time. When he found out I was still talking to his close buddy he was acting distant from me and stopped talking to me for a week. These guys are really shady to each other by the way. His buddy knew I had a thing with his friend but he obviously just wanted to sleep with me so he didn’t tell him anything.

Now whenever I see him he teases me and talks about all these guys I know (he knows the guys I talk to because my girlfriends blurt it out when they’re around him and his buddies) and makes fun of me. I don’t care if he knows about the guys I talk to because I wouldn’t date guys that are players like him anyways simply because I can’t take them seriously. Like this one time we were all drunk at his place, I met this guy from another buddy’s of mine that I was drinking with earlier that I’m just friends with. He kept calling me and I answered the phone and I was about to leave his place so I can talk in private and he was like “hey babe, can you get my towel?” loudly. I’m obviously like wtf but I don’t really care either. While I was outside of his place talking on the phone telling my friend that I was sleeping soon, he was standing outside eavesdropping on my whole conversation. And when I come back in he’s like teasing me saying “why you lying to your buddy saying you’re sleeping when you’re really at another guy’s place” I obviously didn’t answer because I’m not telling him my excuses cause me and my girlfriends left them to chill with him and his buddies.

Later on, when I was going to leave my girlfriend kept naming all these guys to pick me up and drive me home. She was like you should just go breakfast with them. I was going to kill her because I don’t like guys knowing I talk to other guys. I was like no I don’t want to see them. Then as I was leaving his place he was like “London, let’s go get breakfast!!” teasing me as in he was one of those guys. I really don’t understand what is up with this guy; he is irritating the shit out of me. I don’t get if he’s mad that I kind of played him out, or he’s interested? Like why do you care so much about what’s going on in my life? I don’t care if my girls talk about other guys in his face because I’m not going to date you or see you so I don’t care or have the necessity to be shady. I wouldn’t even care if he talked about girls he’s talking to me either. He did tell one of my girlfriends he was interested in me but told her he was giving up because I was too hard to get. Do guys just act like they care about you just to mess with your head?

]]> Comment on Will my fiance be back? I still love him by Kimberly00 http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-my-fiance-be-back-i-still-love-him/comment-page-1/#comment-103254 Kimberly00 Wed, 16 May 2012 20:32:46 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6083#comment-103254 I was with my ex for  8years he has left me  3xs within the 8years  it's always him leaving puts the blame on me then months later we somehow get bak together. And h says he sorry that he didn't mean what he said because he was mad.  We are in the same religion but we both stopped going to church for couple years.  he then started going bak to church  and right away he told me I need to stop doing worldly things and try to go bak To church i told him that I will go when I feel is right. He agreed and said that he has faith I will go. his dad just became a pastor like 4 months ago and he lives at home with them so he had to go to church.                       After he proposed to me a week later we got in an argument and he blew up on me saying that I dont love him because I don't try to go to church and that i dont go around his family as much extended family. ( im always around his immidiate family and sometimes extended family) but he wanted more then he told me  he will not let anyone or anything get between him and god. His parent would tell him that he can't go to church work hang out with friends and have a girlfriend at the same time! His mom would text him don't be a sinner, u have church.            I was there for him when he was in drugs drinking doing all this bad stuff i was There when he needed me! we are suppose to help each other! Why couldnt he have faith like he said about me going to church its not like we are in total diffrent religions we believe the same things. He said he still loves me but that he's working on himself in church!  I feel like his mom started talking behind my bak. His own dad told him he would rather see us broken up and see his son in church!  I have a drink here or there I have never cheated on him I've only gone clubbing like 3 times I don't do crazy stuff But he acts like I'm the devil! I've been there for him when his own parents weren't! when he proposed to me he was very happy he said this is what he wants and he  dont care what anybody says and he has faith that I will  eventually go to church! and my own parents were happy too! When he told his parent he proposed they didn't seem happy his mom started being negative. he tells them everything!                   he does anything for me loves me but why yell at me and put the blame on me that is my fault! He keeps saying that I did this to myself! his mom is really good at manipulating him! I've seen the way she truly acts fake!                 he said i showed that i did not love him! i didnt want to go to church only because he told me to!  i dont want to be fake about it and pretend to be involved if my heart wasnt in it. I was raised in  church and so was he! I never made or forced him to go to church that happens in gods timming. I love him alot. After he broke up with me he was still saying were were together then like 3 days later he was treating me wierd nd didnt want to talk to me or anything! I ended up going to his work after he got off nd we went to eat breakfast i started crying nd he said he still loves me and he was kissing me but said he needs to focuse on god and that hes not leaving me to be with another girl or to look for another girl but to work on himself! And he told me that he is just my bestfriend and that i might meet some other guy but that iam his bestfriend. He said that he prayed and that he is not sad because god took his pain away.            Then he said we will keep in contact. I have not herd from him for 3 weeks. I dont know how he changed so quickly from being certin with what he wanted to blowing up on me and ending it. Im never am mean to him after a break up no matter what he does to me because i love him and dont want to hurt him. Willl  he end up coming back to me? I now he cares and loves me and he said maybe in the future if I go to church that you never know what can happen but he is not expecting me to get back with him. Why would he do this to me? Will he comeback?  I was with my ex for  8years he has left me  3xs within the 8years  it’s always him leaving puts the blame on me then months later we somehow get bak together. And h says he sorry that he didn’t mean what he said because he was mad.  We are in the same religion but we both stopped going to church for couple years.  he then started going bak to church  and right away he told me I need to stop doing worldly things and try to go bak To church i told him that I will go when I feel is right. He agreed and said that he has faith I will go. his dad just became a pastor like 4 months ago and he lives at home with them so he had to go to church.             

         After he proposed to me a week later we got in an argument and he blew up on me saying that I dont love him because I don’t try to go to church and that i dont go around his family as much extended family. ( im always around his immidiate family and sometimes extended family) but he wanted more then he told me  he will not let anyone or anything get between him and god. His parent would tell him that he can’t go to church work hang out with friends and have a girlfriend at the same time! His mom would text him don’t be a sinner, u have church. 

          I was there for him when he was in drugs drinking doing all this bad stuff i was There when he needed me! we are suppose to help each other! Why couldnt he have faith like he said about me going to church its not like we are in total diffrent religions we believe the same things. He said he still loves me but that he’s working on himself in church!  I feel like his mom started talking behind my bak. His own dad told him he would rather see us broken up and see his son in church!  I have a drink here or there I have never cheated on him I’ve only gone clubbing like 3 times I don’t do crazy stuff But he acts like I’m the devil! I’ve been there for him when his own parents weren’t! when he proposed to me he was very happy he said this is what he wants and he  dont care what anybody says and he has faith that I will  eventually go to church! and my own parents were happy too! When he told his parent he proposed they didn’t seem happy his mom started being negative. he tells them everything!     

             he does anything for me loves me but why yell at me and put the blame on me that is my fault! He keeps saying that I did this to myself! his mom is really good at manipulating him! I’ve seen the way she truly acts fake!   

             he said i showed that i did not love him! i didnt want to go to church only because he told me to!  i dont want to be fake about it and pretend to be involved if my heart wasnt in it. I was raised in  church and so was he! I never made or forced him to go to church that happens in gods timming. I love him alot. After he broke up with me he was still saying were were together then like 3 days later he was treating me wierd nd didnt want to talk to me or anything! I ended up going to his work after he got off nd we went to eat breakfast i started crying nd he said he still loves me and he was kissing me but said he needs to focuse on god and that hes not leaving me to be with another girl or to look for another girl but to work on himself! And he told me that he is just my bestfriend and that i might meet some other guy but that iam his bestfriend. He said that he prayed and that he is not sad because god took his pain away. 

          Then he said we will keep in contact. I have not herd from him for 3 weeks. I dont know how he changed so quickly from being certin with what he wanted to blowing up on me and ending it. Im never am mean to him after a break up no matter what he does to me because i love him and dont want to hurt him. Willl  he end up coming back to me? I now he cares and loves me and he said maybe in the future if I go to church that you never know what can happen but he is not expecting me to get back with him. Why would he do this to me? Will he comeback? 

]]> Comment on Long distance relationship-to college friend: Is this girl playing me? by International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-to-college-is-this-girl-playing-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103183 International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective Wed, 16 May 2012 15:26:28 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2278#comment-103183 [...] Long distance relationship-to college: Is this girl playing me? [...] [...] Long distance relationship-to college: Is this girl playing me? [...]

]]> Comment on Relationship Memoirs by International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/women-speak/comment-page-1/#comment-103169 International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective Wed, 16 May 2012 14:43:49 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?page_id=4814#comment-103169 [...] Relationship Memoirs [...] [...] Relationship Memoirs [...]

]]> Comment on Long distance relationship; I want him back even though he cheated by International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-relationship-i-want-him-back-even-though-he-cheated/comment-page-1/#comment-103168 International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective Wed, 16 May 2012 14:42:46 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4775#comment-103168 [...] Long distance relationship; I want him back even though he cheated  [...] [...] Long distance relationship; I want him back even though he cheated  [...]

]]> Comment on Long distance relationship: He cheated on me and told me by International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-relationship-he-cheated-on-me-and-told-me/comment-page-1/#comment-103167 International Long Distance: Is it possible? | The Guy's Perspective Wed, 16 May 2012 14:42:31 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4620#comment-103167 [...] Long distance relationship; he cheated on me but then told me [...] [...] Long distance relationship; he cheated on me but then told me [...]

]]> Comment on Friends with benefits by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103148 One of the Guys Wed, 16 May 2012 12:50:54 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2219#comment-103148 @Amber..........So your question is? We're assuming just the general: What should you do? We think you probably know the answer we're going to give but just want an objective opinion. Have you watched our "Friends with Benefits" video yet? It might help. Basically this arrangement is not good for your emotional well-being. We doubt this is going to transition into something more serious, especially since you already were serious and he broke it off. Right now he's getting exactly what he wants. It's like he's renting you a few times a month. You have sex and then you give him an emotional boost. It's perfect for him. But not for you. All you get is confusion and uncertainty. We think you should start giving some of these other guys a chance. And we think you should also stop sleeping with him or hanging out with him. Your thoughts? ps. Also, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page. You might enjoy some of the female guest writers. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @Amber……….So your question is? We’re assuming just the general: What should you do? We think you probably know the answer we’re going to give but just want an objective opinion. Have you watched our “Friends with Benefits” video yet? It might help. Basically this arrangement is not good for your emotional well-being. We doubt this is going to transition into something more serious, especially since you already were serious and he broke it off. Right now he’s getting exactly what he wants. It’s like he’s renting you a few times a month. You have sex and then you give him an emotional boost. It’s perfect for him. But not for you. All you get is confusion and uncertainty. We think you should start giving some of these other guys a chance. And we think you should also stop sleeping with him or hanging out with him. Your thoughts? ps. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. You might enjoy some of the female guest writers. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Relationship and Dating Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Friends with Benefits by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/humor/relationship-and-dating-advice-from-the-guys-perspective-friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103147 One of the Guys Wed, 16 May 2012 12:46:08 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5794#comment-103147 @Date Girl......Nice to see you! Where have you been?! We'll have to come visit soon. @Date Girl……Nice to see you! Where have you been?! We’ll have to come visit soon.

]]> Comment on I am confused about this guy; are we in a relationship? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/i-am-confused-about-this-guy-are-we-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103146 One of the Guys Wed, 16 May 2012 12:45:30 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5236#comment-103146 @Andrea........We understand how you're feeling. And honestly, we don't like to make decisions for people, only help them see a situation from a fresh perspective. Should you move on? Well, he's certainly not acting like he's ultra-interested, but people mature. Guys might take a little longer, but yes, they typically do mature. We'd just hate you to miss out on some other possibility because you're still pining for this guy. Why don't you give it a little more time and see how it plays out. You don't need to come to a quick decision right now. As summer nears you'll get some more answers. Then see where you're at. In the meantime try your best to be as "open" as you can when it comes to meeting other people. You never know who might be around the corner. And feel free to check back with us anytime. Take care. @Andrea……..We understand how you’re feeling. And honestly, we don’t like to make decisions for people, only help them see a situation from a fresh perspective. Should you move on? Well, he’s certainly not acting like he’s ultra-interested, but people mature. Guys might take a little longer, but yes, they typically do mature. We’d just hate you to miss out on some other possibility because you’re still pining for this guy. Why don’t you give it a little more time and see how it plays out. You don’t need to come to a quick decision right now. As summer nears you’ll get some more answers. Then see where you’re at. In the meantime try your best to be as “open” as you can when it comes to meeting other people. You never know who might be around the corner. And feel free to check back with us anytime. Take care.

]]> Comment on Relationship and Dating Advice from The Guy’s Perspective: Friends with Benefits by Date Girl http://theguysperspective.com/humor/relationship-and-dating-advice-from-the-guys-perspective-friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103088 Date Girl Wed, 16 May 2012 07:45:29 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5794#comment-103088 Oh man...I remember my delusional 21year old naive self thinking I could turn a Friends with Benefits situation into something more. Cue 5 years of the most intense roller coaster of emotional mind games I've ever experienced. It was so terrible how we were to each other. You said it best, RUN. Run as fast as you can away from those FWBs. Oh man…I remember my delusional 21year old naive self thinking I could turn a Friends with Benefits situation into something more. Cue 5 years of the most intense roller coaster of emotional mind games I’ve ever experienced. It was so terrible how we were to each other. You said it best, RUN. Run as fast as you can away from those FWBs.

]]> Comment on I am confused about this guy; are we in a relationship? by Andrea http://theguysperspective.com/guys/i-am-confused-about-this-guy-are-we-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-103068 Andrea Wed, 16 May 2012 05:26:51 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5236#comment-103068 Thank you! I know a couple years ago he had a pretty serious relationship for awhile, but I have no idea what happened between them. It'll be very hard because, my mistake, I fell for him really hard, especially since he was the first guy I actually liked a lot that was interested in me (other guys seemed to be very clingy after a couple weeks of meeting, towards me and I was not interested in them for long). It seemed like it was going in a good direction for the longest time, even when I was away, but, like you said, he probably was just fantasizing. So did he eventually realize he just wasn't as into me as he thought? It seemed like he was really into me whenever I hung out with him. And maybe this sounds stupid, but I always got a gut feeling that he was different than the other guys. When I first met him, I never worried about him and never wondered if I would ever talk to him again, it was like I knew already I would, subconciously. And whenever I thought I made a mistake with texting something or saying something to him, I did worry but then easily let it go and I knew he would still talk to me, I never questioned it. That probably sounds weird, but I had a different feeling about him than all the guys that talk to me. Of course this is probably why I can't move on as easily because I dug myself a hole. With guys, I'm not usually clingy, or if I am, I never show it and keep it to myself, but with him, I feel like I'm being desperate and clingy since I like him so much (trying to hold myself back). So I should just forget him and move on or will he come back around and mature a little eventually? Sorry for all of the questions, I'm still so confused and hoping he'll still talk to me and isn't in a "fantasy land". Thank you! I know a couple years ago he had a pretty serious relationship for awhile, but I have no idea what happened between them. It’ll be very hard because, my mistake, I fell for him really hard, especially since he was the first guy I actually liked a lot that was interested in me (other guys seemed to be very clingy after a couple weeks of meeting, towards me and I was not interested in them for long). It seemed like it was going in a good direction for the longest time, even when I was away, but, like you said, he probably was just fantasizing. So did he eventually realize he just wasn’t as into me as he thought? It seemed like he was really into me whenever I hung out with him. And maybe this sounds stupid, but I always got a gut feeling that he was different than the other guys. When I first met him, I never worried about him and never wondered if I would ever talk to him again, it was like I knew already I would, subconciously. And whenever I thought I made a mistake with texting something or saying something to him, I did worry but then easily let it go and I knew he would still talk to me, I never questioned it. That probably sounds weird, but I had a different feeling about him than all the guys that talk to me. Of course this is probably why I can’t move on as easily because I dug myself a hole. With guys, I’m not usually clingy, or if I am, I never show it and keep it to myself, but with him, I feel like I’m being desperate and clingy since I like him so much (trying to hold myself back). So I should just forget him and move on or will he come back around and mature a little eventually? Sorry for all of the questions, I’m still so confused and hoping he’ll still talk to me and isn’t in a “fantasy land”.

]]> Comment on Friends with benefits by amber http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/friends-with-benefits/comment-page-1/#comment-103049 amber Wed, 16 May 2012 02:50:58 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2219#comment-103049 Hi Guys, I received an email to copy and paste my question as a comment so here it is: Hi Guys, I really need a guy's opinion on this. i've been in a FWB for more than a year now with the guy I dated in the past. so to be clear, here's our history: I met this really great guy at work,we hit it up right away. after couple of weeks, we hooked up. it was supposed to be a one night stand for me cos its been only four months since i got out of a 5 year relationship. After the hook up, we were inseperable. he confessed he has fallen inlove with me after a month of seeing each other. i told him we cnt put any label yet cos im still not ready to commit. after a couple of months, we both know we are dating exclusively and everone at work knows. after 3 months, its official we are a couple. then after two weeks, he broke it off and told me he has other priorities. i was hurt. im in love with him.. a month had passed since the break up yet we still talk occassionally. after that we hooked up again. thats when it became a FWB thing. after a couple of months, he gt a girlfriend and he told me. i was getting attached to him but i know i can do nothing about it. being serious wasnt part of the deal. i know where i stand. we stopped sleeping together. we would sometime txt but thats just it. after four months, they broke up. we started hooking up again, this time once or twice a month. dont get me wrong, im dating other guys and slept with some. the thing is, i still get attached after the hook up. but i get over it after a week. i dnt knw where this us going. when we are together, we are a perfect match, we laught, we talk rather than sleep, sex is great and intimate, we kiss, if not then we cuddle more. we tell each other our problems in life. we do all this things everytime we spend a night together. if u ask me what if he confesses he wants to be wth me officially again, i dnt even knw if i'll say yes yet part of me dnt want to let him go. and he seems like he doesnt want me to go either. but we dnt hangout and talk when we are not hooking up. we only talk when the urge hit us and its time to spend d night together. thanks! Hi Guys, I received an email to copy and paste my question as a comment so here it is:

Hi Guys,

I really need a guy’s opinion on this. i’ve been in a FWB for more than a year now with the guy I dated in the past. so to be clear, here’s our history:

I met this really great guy at work,we hit it up right away. after couple of weeks, we hooked up. it was supposed to be a one night stand for me cos its been only four months since i got out of a 5 year relationship. After the hook up, we were inseperable.

he confessed he has fallen inlove with me after a month of seeing each other. i told him we cnt put any label yet cos im still not ready to commit. after a couple of months, we both know we are dating exclusively and everone at work knows. after 3 months, its official we are a couple. then after two weeks, he broke it off and told me he has other priorities. i was hurt. im in love with him..

a month had passed since the break up yet we still talk occassionally. after that we hooked up again. thats when it became a FWB thing.

after a couple of months, he gt a girlfriend and he told me. i was getting attached to him but i know i can do nothing about it. being serious wasnt part of the deal. i know where i stand. we stopped sleeping together. we would sometime txt but thats just it.

after four months, they broke up. we started hooking up again, this time once or twice a month. dont get me wrong, im dating other guys and slept with some.

the thing is, i still get attached after the hook up. but i get over it after a week. i dnt knw where this us going.

when we are together, we are a perfect match, we laught, we talk rather than sleep, sex is great and intimate, we kiss, if not then we cuddle more. we tell each other our problems in life. we do all this things everytime we spend a night together. if u ask me what if he confesses he wants to be wth me officially again, i dnt even knw if i’ll say yes yet part of me dnt want to let him go. and he seems like he doesnt want me to go either. but we dnt hangout and talk when we are not hooking up. we only talk when the urge hit us and its time to spend d night together.

thanks!

]]> Comment on Break up confusion; will he come back? by keshia http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/break-up-confusion-will-he-come-back/comment-page-1/#comment-103019 keshia Wed, 16 May 2012 00:01:38 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2051#comment-103019 And what really confuses me from time to time is that he tells family and mine that he loves me but rarely tells me. I over heard him talking to his family about me saying he cares and loves me a lot and would do anything for me. But im stuck because I can you say that and a few days later tell me you don't want to be in a relationship right now?? I don't understand. And what really confuses me from time to time is that he tells family and mine that he loves me but rarely tells me. I over heard him talking to his family about me saying he cares and loves me a lot and would do anything for me. But im stuck because I can you say that and a few days later tell me you don’t want to be in a relationship right now?? I don’t understand.

]]> Comment on Break up confusion; will he come back? by keshia http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/break-up-confusion-will-he-come-back/comment-page-1/#comment-103015 keshia Tue, 15 May 2012 23:52:12 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2051#comment-103015 We live a hour away from each other and I can't really say about the intimacy part. And we see each other now when we can because of our busy work schedules, before the baby. we would see each other every other week. And we normal spent the weekend with each other,recently we have been spending a week together like a family but at times i feel its too much. And when we do that i feel he doesn't pay much attention to me, just are child. Don't get me wrong I love he spends time with are child, but just wish he would give me some attention too. And when I want to talk to him about it he walks away from the situation. And I don't understand what's going on either because he doesn't act like this. We live a hour away from each other and I can’t really say about the intimacy part. And we see each other now when we can because of our busy work schedules, before the baby. we would see each other every other week. And we normal spent the weekend with each other,recently we have been spending a week together like a family but at times i feel its too much. And when we do that i feel he doesn’t pay much attention to me, just are child. Don’t get me wrong I love he spends time with are child, but just wish he would give me some attention too. And when I want to talk to him about it he walks away from the situation. And I don’t understand what’s going on either because he doesn’t act like this.

]]> Comment on Contemplating a long distance relationship; Could we be something more? by Kim http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/contemplating-a-long-distance-relationship-could-we-be-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-102988 Kim Tue, 15 May 2012 21:33:53 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4313#comment-102988 Long distance situation too, but very early, but I cannot let go yet... We recently met in Hawaii.  I went on vaca alone there (my galpal couldn't make it last min so I went anyway!  I have been divorced 20 years, youthful 40s energetic....He travelled there w teenage daughters. We noticed each other 3 days before he made a move and sat next to me and bought me a drink.  Not the typical slimeball.  Very respectable well spoken well traveled classy white collar, 50s.  We took a couple walks together on the beach path and a day date for thai food lunch and was the best kiss of my life!!! We kissed and got passionate with our clothes on outside in a hammock--no one was around....No sex or feeling up, just felt such easy chemistry with him.  Dont get me wrong, he tried but respected me when i stopped him and didnt push it .  He told me how much he loved kissing me. He's been divorced 3 years but is always traveling for work. That was 2 mos ago and the best week I had in a very longtime.  I'm very surprised at the fact he texts me once in awhile and invited me to "drop him a note sometime to let him know how I'm doing" and "had any good Thai lately + a smiley face and that I'm a very sincere nice person.  And that he really enjoyed hawaii+meeting you was really great"  And that he was extremely attracted to me from the first time he saw me.  He lives in Quebec and I in CA.  Is there a chance or am I being naive?  Long distance situation too, but very early, but I cannot let go yet… We recently met in Hawaii.  I went on vaca alone there (my galpal couldn’t make it last min so I went anyway!  I have been divorced 20 years, youthful 40s energetic….He travelled there w teenage daughters. We noticed each other 3 days before he made a move and sat next to me and bought me a drink.  Not the typical slimeball.  Very respectable well spoken well traveled classy white collar, 50s.  We took a couple walks together on the beach path and a day date for thai food lunch and was the best kiss of my life!!! We kissed and got passionate with our clothes on outside in a hammock–no one was around….No sex or feeling up, just felt such easy chemistry with him.  Dont get me wrong, he tried but respected me when i stopped him and didnt push it .  He told me how much he loved kissing me. He’s been divorced 3 years but is always traveling for work. That was 2 mos ago and the best week I had in a very longtime.  I’m very surprised at the fact he texts me once in awhile and invited me to “drop him a note sometime to let him know how I’m doing” and “had any good Thai lately + a smiley face and that I’m a very sincere nice person.  And that he really enjoyed hawaii+meeting you was really great”  And that he was extremely attracted to me from the first time he saw me.  He lives in Quebec and I in CA.  Is there a chance or am I being naive? 

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by IIPriincess http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102969 IIPriincess Tue, 15 May 2012 18:50:26 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-102969 Thanks ! Thanks !

]]> Comment on Why is he not asking me out? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/why-is-he-not-asking-me-out/comment-page-1/#comment-102968 One of the Guys Tue, 15 May 2012 18:39:53 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3546#comment-102968 @Lisa......You're welcome. Good luck. Keep us posted as things progress. And feel free to ask us a follow up question, or some other question anytime. And check out our Videos page, and our "Relationship Memoirs" page. Some good stuff on there. Thanks. @Lisa……You’re welcome. Good luck. Keep us posted as things progress. And feel free to ask us a follow up question, or some other question anytime. And check out our Videos page, and our “Relationship Memoirs” page. Some good stuff on there. Thanks.

]]> Comment on Hooking up without being attached; would a guy do that if he wasn’t into me? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/hooking-up-without-being-attached-would-a-guy-do-that-if-he-wasnt-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-102966 One of the Guys Tue, 15 May 2012 18:38:47 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6129#comment-102966 @Meghan........We understand your confusion. And we wish we could say that we've never heard this before, but unfortunately we have. The thing is, if he wanted a serious relationship with you he would be pursuing you in that way, not trying to be clear that he wants to just be friends. Now you might wonder, "Then why is he grabbing my boobs and making out with me?" Good question. Because guys see sex and committed relationships as two separate things. Guys will have sex with a friend—in fact guys will even work hard to have sex with a friend—when they don't have a girl they are currently pursuing. (And even sometimes when they do.) Yes, this sounds pretty awful, and truthfully, it kind of is. But it's not really intended that way. For whatever reason your friend isn't seeing what you're seeing between the two of you. Yes, he recognizes a connection. Yes, he loves hanging out with you and talking to you. And yes, he likes your boobs, and probably other aspects of your physical features. However, there's something holding him back. And the fact that he keeps making excusing, blaming his actions on the alcohol, etc. tell us that this is likely going to be an exercise in frustration for you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to him about it. What do you have to lose? A friendship? Yes, but is that what you really want? We think you want more. And if that's the case, being only friends with him will just be frustrating. And that frustration will eventually turn to resentment and anger, especially if he starts dating someone else. Think about what you really want and then talk to him. If he's not going to step up to the plate then it's time to move on. We wish we could be more upbeat. Good luck. And please let your friends know about us. Also, check out our video page for some more insights. And, check out our "relationship memoirs" page. Some good writers on there. Thanks! @Meghan……..We understand your confusion. And we wish we could say that we’ve never heard this before, but unfortunately we have. The thing is, if he wanted a serious relationship with you he would be pursuing you in that way, not trying to be clear that he wants to just be friends. Now you might wonder, “Then why is he grabbing my boobs and making out with me?” Good question. Because guys see sex and committed relationships as two separate things. Guys will have sex with a friend—in fact guys will even work hard to have sex with a friend—when they don’t have a girl they are currently pursuing. (And even sometimes when they do.) Yes, this sounds pretty awful, and truthfully, it kind of is. But it’s not really intended that way. For whatever reason your friend isn’t seeing what you’re seeing between the two of you. Yes, he recognizes a connection. Yes, he loves hanging out with you and talking to you. And yes, he likes your boobs, and probably other aspects of your physical features. However, there’s something holding him back. And the fact that he keeps making excusing, blaming his actions on the alcohol, etc. tell us that this is likely going to be an exercise in frustration for you. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to him about it. What do you have to lose? A friendship? Yes, but is that what you really want? We think you want more. And if that’s the case, being only friends with him will just be frustrating. And that frustration will eventually turn to resentment and anger, especially if he starts dating someone else. Think about what you really want and then talk to him. If he’s not going to step up to the plate then it’s time to move on. We wish we could be more upbeat. Good luck. And please let your friends know about us. Also, check out our video page for some more insights. And, check out our “relationship memoirs” page. Some good writers on there. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Are we “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) or does he want something more? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/are-we-friends-with-benefits-fwb-or-does-he-want-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-102963 One of the Guys Tue, 15 May 2012 18:28:17 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5244#comment-102963 @LLPriincess...........We can see you are in quite a fix right now. Sorry. We totally understand why people start FWB arrangements but we're not fans, especially for women. So basically this guy is stalking you, right? He thinks if he pressures you enough you'll give in and have sex with him. You need to keep being clear with him. Don't get into conversations with him, except to tell him not to contact you anymore. The thing is, if he knows you have a boyfriend, but you still had sex with him, he thinks you'll eventually sleep with him again. Maybe he doesn't know. And if he doesn't he should. Or tell him you have a new boyfriend and that's that. In this case, you tell him whatever you need to tell him to get rid of him. Good luck. We also responded to your other question. @LLPriincess………..We can see you are in quite a fix right now. Sorry. We totally understand why people start FWB arrangements but we’re not fans, especially for women. So basically this guy is stalking you, right? He thinks if he pressures you enough you’ll give in and have sex with him. You need to keep being clear with him. Don’t get into conversations with him, except to tell him not to contact you anymore. The thing is, if he knows you have a boyfriend, but you still had sex with him, he thinks you’ll eventually sleep with him again. Maybe he doesn’t know. And if he doesn’t he should. Or tell him you have a new boyfriend and that’s that. In this case, you tell him whatever you need to tell him to get rid of him. Good luck. We also responded to your other question.

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102962 One of the Guys Tue, 15 May 2012 18:25:01 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-102962 @LLPriincess............You know there really is no good way to do this. But if you are going to do it, don't do it AFTER you have sex with him. You need to tell him right away. Is there a way you could go visit him and tell him? You certainly don't want him to make all sorts of plans, then come live with you, only to find out what you're about to tell him. He should have all the information ahead of time so he can make his own decision. The best thing is to be honest with him. Tell him you care about him. Tell him you're really sorry. Reassure him. Ask for forgiveness. Etc. That's all you can really do. After that it's in his hands. We hope it works out for you. Take care. And please let your friends know about us. Also, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page. You might be interested in reading some of the guest writers, especially "Rebecca, a Memoir." Thanks. @LLPriincess…………You know there really is no good way to do this. But if you are going to do it, don’t do it AFTER you have sex with him. You need to tell him right away. Is there a way you could go visit him and tell him? You certainly don’t want him to make all sorts of plans, then come live with you, only to find out what you’re about to tell him. He should have all the information ahead of time so he can make his own decision. The best thing is to be honest with him. Tell him you care about him. Tell him you’re really sorry. Reassure him. Ask for forgiveness. Etc. That’s all you can really do. After that it’s in his hands. We hope it works out for you. Take care. And please let your friends know about us. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. You might be interested in reading some of the guest writers, especially “Rebecca, a Memoir.” Thanks.

]]> Comment on Long distance “friends” or something more? by Blue Bird http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/long-distance-friends-or-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-102960 Blue Bird Tue, 15 May 2012 18:19:17 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5462#comment-102960 This is about same guy from my above posts.... So am I a friend with benefits? Would a guy go to the trouble to compliment me, tell me he wants to get to know me better, ask me to come see him( he lives 2 hrs away), introduce me to his closest buddies just for FWB? I'm so confused :/ I want to let him know I want to spend more time with him & see where it goes.....but not sure if that would freak him out. Help! Not sure if I'm liked, disliked, if he is hesitant to tell me anything, etc So should I just tell him I like him or does he know? This is about same guy from my above posts….
So am I a friend with benefits?
Would a guy go to the trouble to compliment me, tell me he wants to get to know me better, ask me to come see him( he lives 2 hrs away), introduce me to his closest buddies just for FWB?
I’m so confused :/
I want to let him know I want to spend more time with him & see where it goes…..but not sure if that would freak him out.
Help!
Not sure if I’m liked, disliked, if he is hesitant to tell me anything, etc
So should I just tell him I like him or does he know?

]]> Comment on Why is he not asking me out? by Lisa http://theguysperspective.com/guys/why-is-he-not-asking-me-out/comment-page-1/#comment-102958 Lisa Tue, 15 May 2012 18:13:13 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3546#comment-102958 Hey guys thanks so much for your response. I will tell my friends:). Your advice makes sense. I'll see how things play out a little longer and try to be more flirty and responsive when he does bring up doing things together (currently I tend to freeze up at those moments). Hey guys thanks so much for your response. I will tell my friends:). Your advice makes sense. I’ll see how things play out a little longer and try to be more flirty and responsive when he does bring up doing things together (currently I tend to freeze up at those moments).

]]> Comment on Hooking up without being attached; would a guy do that if he wasn’t into me? by Meghan http://theguysperspective.com/guys/hooking-up-without-being-attached-would-a-guy-do-that-if-he-wasnt-into-me/comment-page-1/#comment-102940 Meghan Tue, 15 May 2012 15:40:54 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6129#comment-102940 Was told it would get answered faster if I just replied on here: So I met this guy in one of my college classes. We started talking a little over a month ago and quickly discovered how much we had in common. Since then, we've talked quite literally every day, phone, text, in person.. you name it. Both taking the approach that we were interested in dating each other, that seemed normal. About two weeks ago we both hit finals week. Experiencing a huge amount of stress, lack of sleep and nerves.. He told me one day while we were chatting that he was stressed out and thought we should just be friends. I reluctantly agreed with him to protect any form of friendship I could have with him and proceeded to not communicate with him for a few days. We met up a few days later at a party. It was like nothing had been said. I drove him home after the party and he invited me to stay over at his place. We cuddled on the couch after a few drinks and watched a movie. He made some "boob grabbing moves," I stopped him and we fell asleep. We talked about it the next day, he apologized and claimed he still just wanted to be friends. Throughout this past month I have become the person he calls when he's drunk and spills his heart to. The person he texts every day to tell about big things going on in his life. We both tell each other things we've never told anyone- not even our closest friends. It just seems that we have such a strong connection. With that- we went to a karaoke bar a few nights ago. Both proceeded to get very intoxicated and ended up at his place after. The second we got in the door it was like all the pent up frustration between the both of us was released. It was like one of those hot make-out sessions you only see in movies. We both ended up unclothed, but I stopped it before it could go any further. I woke up the next morning next to him.. I was kind of in a daze so we didn't talk about it. He helped me grab my things, gave me a few movies he wanted me to watch and I left. The next day I brought it up over the phone and we started to argue about it. He told me he didn't remember most of it and claimed I should credit all of it to alcohol and disregard. He then told me we shouldn't talk anymore. I was so mad I didn't respond and hung up the phone. Quite literally an hour later he called me to ask how I was. Trying to start up conversation like we hadn't fought about anything. I'm not sure how I should be feeling. I'm trying my hardest to just be friends because that's what he wanted. Yet every time I think that's what he wants he does something to say otherwise. I don't want to be just friends. He's a guy I could see starting a serious relationship with. It just feels so right. What should I do? How can I confront him about it? I feel that it's worth it, but I'm not sure if I'm just blinded by how I'm feeling? Please Help! Meghan Was told it would get answered faster if I just replied on here:

So I met this guy in one of my college classes. We started talking a little over a month ago and quickly discovered how much we had in common. Since then, we’ve talked quite literally every day, phone, text, in person.. you name it. Both taking the approach that we were interested in dating each other, that seemed normal.

About two weeks ago we both hit finals week. Experiencing a huge amount of stress, lack of sleep and nerves.. He told me one day while we were chatting that he was stressed out and thought we should just be friends. I reluctantly agreed with him to protect any form of friendship I could have with him and proceeded to not communicate with him for a few days.

We met up a few days later at a party. It was like nothing had been said. I drove him home after the party and he invited me to stay over at his place. We cuddled on the couch after a few drinks and watched a movie. He made some “boob grabbing moves,” I stopped him and we fell asleep. We talked about it the next day, he apologized and claimed he still just wanted to be friends.

Throughout this past month I have become the person he calls when he’s drunk and spills his heart to. The person he texts every day to tell about big things going on in his life. We both tell each other things we’ve never told anyone- not even our closest friends. It just seems that we have such a strong connection.

With that- we went to a karaoke bar a few nights ago. Both proceeded to get very intoxicated and ended up at his place after. The second we got in the door it was like all the pent up frustration between the both of us was released. It was like one of those hot make-out sessions you only see in movies. We both ended up unclothed, but I stopped it before it could go any further. I woke up the next morning next to him.. I was kind of in a daze so we didn’t talk about it. He helped me grab my things, gave me a few movies he wanted me to watch and I left.

The next day I brought it up over the phone and we started to argue about it. He told me he didn’t remember most of it and claimed I should credit all of it to alcohol and disregard. He then told me we shouldn’t talk anymore. I was so mad I didn’t respond and hung up the phone. Quite literally an hour later he called me to ask how I was. Trying to start up conversation like we hadn’t fought about anything.

I’m not sure how I should be feeling. I’m trying my hardest to just be friends because that’s what he wanted. Yet every time I think that’s what he wants he does something to say otherwise. I don’t want to be just friends. He’s a guy I could see starting a serious relationship with. It just feels so right. What should I do? How can I confront him about it? I feel that it’s worth it, but I’m not sure if I’m just blinded by how I’m feeling?

Please Help!
Meghan

]]> Comment on Are we “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) or does he want something more? by IIPriincess http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/are-we-friends-with-benefits-fwb-or-does-he-want-something-more/comment-page-1/#comment-102935 IIPriincess Tue, 15 May 2012 15:13:41 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5244#comment-102935 I started a FWB with a guy from my school 2 years ago and still been going on since then . but now i am in a commited relationship right now . and i dont know how to get the guy i was having sex with to leave me alone . i see him everyday in school he always texts me to hook up but i ignore him and everytime i see him i dont pay attention to him . The guy i was FWB is a really nice guy and when i was single hed always make my days . But now i am with a really nice guy that is planning on starting a new life with me and so am i , but i dont know how to get rid of this other guy now I started a FWB with a guy from my school 2 years ago and still been going on since then . but now i am in a commited relationship right now . and i dont know how to get the guy i was having sex with to leave me alone . i see him everyday in school he always texts me to hook up but i ignore him and everytime i see him i dont pay attention to him . The guy i was FWB is a really nice guy and when i was single hed always make my days . But now i am with a really nice guy that is planning on starting a new life with me and so am i , but i dont know how to get rid of this other guy now

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by IIPriincess http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102931 IIPriincess Tue, 15 May 2012 15:01:39 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-102931 the problem is that he has to go away for college every year . So were far apart for quiet a while i only see him in the summers . And everyday he tells me he really wants to marry me and have kids but i feel guilty because i know if he ever cheated on me i would never take him back so i guess i wouldnt be surprised if did leave me . His coming this summer , but he said his here to stay . his going to leave his family to come live with me over here and start our own lifes . But i wanna open up to him and tell him what i did before he decides to leave his own life to start one with me . i just dont know how to really tell him ? any advice on how . the problem is that he has to go away for college every year . So were far apart for quiet a while i only see him in the summers . And everyday he tells me he really wants to marry me and have kids but i feel guilty because i know if he ever cheated on me i would never take him back so i guess i wouldnt be surprised if did leave me . His coming this summer , but he said his here to stay . his going to leave his family to come live with me over here and start our own lifes . But i wanna open up to him and tell him what i did before he decides to leave his own life to start one with me . i just dont know how to really tell him ? any advice on how .

]]> Comment on “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 1) by “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter One: Darryl-Part 2) | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale-chapter-1-darryl/comment-page-1/#comment-102910 “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter One: Darryl-Part 2) | The Guy's Perspective Tue, 15 May 2012 14:18:57 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6086#comment-102910 [...] Chapter One: Darryl- Part 1 [...] [...] Chapter One: Darryl- Part 1 [...]

]]> Comment on “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 1) by “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter One: Darryl – Part 3) | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale-chapter-1-darryl/comment-page-1/#comment-102908 “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter One: Darryl – Part 3) | The Guy's Perspective Tue, 15 May 2012 14:17:54 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6086#comment-102908 [...] Chapter One: Darryl – Part 1  [...] [...] Chapter One: Darryl – Part 1  [...]

]]> Comment on “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 1) by “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 4) | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale-chapter-1-darryl/comment-page-1/#comment-102907 “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 4) | The Guy's Perspective Tue, 15 May 2012 14:16:49 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6086#comment-102907 [...] Chapter 1: Darryl [...] [...] Chapter 1: Darryl [...]

]]> Comment on “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Introduction) by “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 4) | The Guy's Perspective http://theguysperspective.com/essays/rebecca-a-memoir-by-charlotte-pescale/comment-page-1/#comment-102906 “Rebecca, a memoir” by Charlotte Pescale (Chapter 1: Darryl – Part 4) | The Guy's Perspective Tue, 15 May 2012 14:15:39 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=6060#comment-102906 [...] Introduction [...] [...] Introduction [...]

]]> Comment on I am confused about this guy; are we in a relationship? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/i-am-confused-about-this-guy-are-we-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-102886 One of the Guys Tue, 15 May 2012 11:14:47 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5236#comment-102886 @Andrea.......Well this is a case of Fantasy vs. Reality. He basically, fell in love, with being in love. He fantasized about being with you, but frankly isn't mature enough to deal with the real thing. This happens a lot. Guys will build up this whole story in their heads and then when it comes down to it they realize they're not ready for some reason. This sounds harsh but try not to take it too hard even if it's disappointing. Believe us, he'll be doing this for a while with other people. Our advice: Find some guy who is genuinely interested and mature enough to handle a great girl like you. Feel free to ask us a follow up question or any other question anytime. And let your friends know about us. Thanks. Also, you might enjoy reading some of our guest writers on the "Relationship Memoirs" page. Thanks! @Andrea…….Well this is a case of Fantasy vs. Reality. He basically, fell in love, with being in love. He fantasized about being with you, but frankly isn’t mature enough to deal with the real thing. This happens a lot. Guys will build up this whole story in their heads and then when it comes down to it they realize they’re not ready for some reason. This sounds harsh but try not to take it too hard even if it’s disappointing. Believe us, he’ll be doing this for a while with other people. Our advice: Find some guy who is genuinely interested and mature enough to handle a great girl like you. Feel free to ask us a follow up question or any other question anytime. And let your friends know about us. Thanks. Also, you might enjoy reading some of our guest writers on the “Relationship Memoirs” page. Thanks!

]]> Comment on Why is he not asking me out? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/why-is-he-not-asking-me-out/comment-page-1/#comment-102883 One of the Guys Tue, 15 May 2012 11:08:13 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3546#comment-102883 @Lisa......Well, maybe he's confident with his work, but not so much with women? Hmm.......you know work situations can be tricky. It's possible he doesn't want to cause any sort of issue at work, or, if you are younger than him, he doesn't want to expose himself to some sort of issue with harassment. We're not saying you're planning on doing this, but we're just trying to figure out why he might not be asking you out, besides that he's not interested. Why don't you give him a little more time. And the next time he says something like, "I'd love to do that or would totally join you" you flirt back and say, "Well, what are you waiting for?" But be coy and flirty. See what happens. All you can do is make it obvious that you're open to his advances. But if he doesn't do anything about it, then it's time to move on. Don't take the initiative. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page for some interesting writing from some talented guest writers. @Lisa……Well, maybe he’s confident with his work, but not so much with women? Hmm…….you know work situations can be tricky. It’s possible he doesn’t want to cause any sort of issue at work, or, if you are younger than him, he doesn’t want to expose himself to some sort of issue with harassment. We’re not saying you’re planning on doing this, but we’re just trying to figure out why he might not be asking you out, besides that he’s not interested. Why don’t you give him a little more time. And the next time he says something like, “I’d love to do that or would totally join you” you flirt back and say, “Well, what are you waiting for?” But be coy and flirty. See what happens. All you can do is make it obvious that you’re open to his advances. But if he doesn’t do anything about it, then it’s time to move on. Don’t take the initiative. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page for some interesting writing from some talented guest writers.

]]> Comment on I am confused about this guy; are we in a relationship? by Andrea http://theguysperspective.com/guys/i-am-confused-about-this-guy-are-we-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-102853 Andrea Tue, 15 May 2012 08:03:00 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5236#comment-102853 Hey, I'm very confused. This guy texted me for four months two of them straight all day and night. He always talked about making me dinner, invited me to his future rugby games, and to swim at his apt., told his grandma about me (he's very close with her), apparantly told all of his friends about me (they said he was in love with me-heard it through the grapevine). When I met one of his friends, he said he already knew about me. When we hung out, he acted like we were already together, held my hand, paid for movies and things I talked about (like a drink because I was thirsty,etc.), cuddled with me, told me he really liked me and didn't even pressure me to go further than making out (our first kiss he asked me if he could). Now, he'll text occasionally but only for a few texts then not respond. Last time I hung out with him (he acted like we were dating especially this night-and held my hand/held me from behind the whole night-told me to tell him when I got home and to be careful too) was a couple weeks ago and he said he wanted to see me more over the summer. A week later, he asked if I had any plans for that night and I told him not really, he never responded back. The next day he texted me and took forever to answer, and seemed bored/plain. This was only a week after we hung out! It never seemed like he was only after sex because he always texted me even when I was at school that was 3 hours away and he doesn't have a car so we rarely saw each other, yet he still talked to me. I really miss him (as he supposedly misses me as well, is what he says) so I decided to text him tonight asking how he's been, and of course no response. Typically he at least answers,even if it's just a generic response but this time nothing. I never questioned him or acted clingy. I do work with his roommate over the summer, so I'm wondering if my coworker says anything about me that might turn him away from me, but I'm not sure. Also, he does work from 7am to 8pm every weekday so he's extremely busy. But I'm still confused because he still could talk to me at least once. How can a guy go from extremely interested (from what it seems) to not at all within a week, even if they've known you and liked you for awhile? Why is he playing games? It seems so sudden and I fell very hard. Any advice? Hey,
I’m very confused. This guy texted me for four months two of them straight all day and night. He always talked about making me dinner, invited me to his future rugby games, and to swim at his apt., told his grandma about me (he’s very close with her), apparantly told all of his friends about me (they said he was in love with me-heard it through the grapevine). When I met one of his friends, he said he already knew about me. When we hung out, he acted like we were already together, held my hand, paid for movies and things I talked about (like a drink because I was thirsty,etc.), cuddled with me, told me he really liked me and didn’t even pressure me to go further than making out (our first kiss he asked me if he could). Now, he’ll text occasionally but only for a few texts then not respond. Last time I hung out with him (he acted like we were dating especially this night-and held my hand/held me from behind the whole night-told me to tell him when I got home and to be careful too) was a couple weeks ago and he said he wanted to see me more over the summer. A week later, he asked if I had any plans for that night and I told him not really, he never responded back. The next day he texted me and took forever to answer, and seemed bored/plain. This was only a week after we hung out! It never seemed like he was only after sex because he always texted me even when I was at school that was 3 hours away and he doesn’t have a car so we rarely saw each other, yet he still talked to me. I really miss him (as he supposedly misses me as well, is what he says) so I decided to text him tonight asking how he’s been, and of course no response. Typically he at least answers,even if it’s just a generic response but this time nothing. I never questioned him or acted clingy. I do work with his roommate over the summer, so I’m wondering if my coworker says anything about me that might turn him away from me, but I’m not sure. Also, he does work from 7am to 8pm every weekday so he’s extremely busy. But I’m still confused because he still could talk to me at least once. How can a guy go from extremely interested (from what it seems) to not at all within a week, even if they’ve known you and liked you for awhile? Why is he playing games? It seems so sudden and I fell very hard. Any advice?

]]> Comment on Why is he not asking me out? by Lisa http://theguysperspective.com/guys/why-is-he-not-asking-me-out/comment-page-1/#comment-102807 Lisa Tue, 15 May 2012 03:08:31 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3546#comment-102807 Oh can I ask too? So I think I have a crush on my co worker too. I thought he was flirting with me. We made plans to hang out in a group setting and ended up making out all night (hung out a bit the next day too). Since then he's still very nice to me. He asked me out to drinks once but had to cancel. He comes by all the time to chat with me and is still flirty. And when I mention stuff I do he always says things like oh I'd love to do that or would totally join you sometime. But he isn't asking me out so I'm not sure of his actual interest. By the way he's older and not actually very good looking. Normally not my type, but I enjoy his company and think about him a lot. Should I just give up and assume if he was interested he would have stepped up? He generally seems confident. Oh can I ask too? So I think I have a crush on my co worker too. I thought he was flirting with me. We made plans to hang out in a group setting and ended up making out all night (hung out a bit the next day too). Since then he’s still very nice to me. He asked me out to drinks once but had to cancel. He comes by all the time to chat with me and is still flirty. And when I mention stuff I do he always says things like oh I’d love to do that or would totally join you sometime. But he isn’t asking me out so I’m not sure of his actual interest. By the way he’s older and not actually very good looking. Normally not my type, but I enjoy his company and think about him a lot. Should I just give up and assume if he was interested he would have stepped up? He generally seems confident.

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102745 One of the Guys Mon, 14 May 2012 19:29:09 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-102745 @LLPriincess..........We don't quite understand. You say you love him but you cheated on him three times. Doesn't that tell you something? That maybe there's something missing from the relationship? Or that maybe you need to work on some things before you decide to get married? Because what's to stop you from cheating again? And what happens if you're married? What then? Or when you have kids? We think you need to take a deep breath, slow down, and really think about what you want? Is it this guy? What is it? Please don't get married just to get married. If you think he'll be upset now, believe us, he'll be way more upset when you have a family together. Our answer: Once you give this some thought— maybe even see a counselor to talk about things— and you decide you want to be with this man, then yes, we think he deserves to know. But be prepared, that once you tell him that could be the end. There are no guarantees on how he'll react. Good luck. @LLPriincess……….We don’t quite understand. You say you love him but you cheated on him three times. Doesn’t that tell you something? That maybe there’s something missing from the relationship? Or that maybe you need to work on some things before you decide to get married? Because what’s to stop you from cheating again? And what happens if you’re married? What then? Or when you have kids? We think you need to take a deep breath, slow down, and really think about what you want? Is it this guy? What is it? Please don’t get married just to get married. If you think he’ll be upset now, believe us, he’ll be way more upset when you have a family together. Our answer: Once you give this some thought— maybe even see a counselor to talk about things— and you decide you want to be with this man, then yes, we think he deserves to know. But be prepared, that once you tell him that could be the end. There are no guarantees on how he’ll react. Good luck.

]]> Comment on Break up confusion; will he come back? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/break-up-confusion-will-he-come-back/comment-page-1/#comment-102743 One of the Guys Mon, 14 May 2012 19:24:20 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2051#comment-102743 @Keshia......We're sorry. This sounds difficult, especially when you add a child into the mix. So we're not sure exactly what's going on. Where do you live? Where does he live? How often do you see each other? Are you still intimate? Etc. We need a little more info in order to respond to your initial question. Thanks. @Keshia……We’re sorry. This sounds difficult, especially when you add a child into the mix. So we’re not sure exactly what’s going on. Where do you live? Where does he live? How often do you see each other? Are you still intimate? Etc. We need a little more info in order to respond to your initial question. Thanks.

]]> Comment on Will he come back? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-he-come-back-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102742 One of the Guys Mon, 14 May 2012 19:22:40 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3622#comment-102742 @Gem.......Yes, give it a week or so then contact him. Let him know you spoke rashly and out of anger. And tell him how you feel about him. Hopefully he'll understand and the two of you will get back together. However, it sounds like either way you've got some work to do to hash out some issues you were fighting about before the break up. Those should also be addressed in the conversation, or conversations. In fact the two of you need to do a lot of talking. Hopefully he'll still be open to working on things. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question as this progresses. Hope it works out for you. @Gem…….Yes, give it a week or so then contact him. Let him know you spoke rashly and out of anger. And tell him how you feel about him. Hopefully he’ll understand and the two of you will get back together. However, it sounds like either way you’ve got some work to do to hash out some issues you were fighting about before the break up. Those should also be addressed in the conversation, or conversations. In fact the two of you need to do a lot of talking. Hopefully he’ll still be open to working on things. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question as this progresses. Hope it works out for you.

]]> Comment on I am confused about this guy; are we in a relationship? by One of the Guys http://theguysperspective.com/guys/i-am-confused-about-this-guy-are-we-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-102741 One of the Guys Mon, 14 May 2012 19:19:37 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5236#comment-102741 @Jenny........Look Jenny, you just bring it up. If he freaks out well then you'll have your answer. But really, if you're sleeping with him already you certainly deserve an audience to talk to him about how you're feeling and to ask him where he stands with this. Yes, you're right, this probably should have been talked about first, but we're not going to lecture you. This happens all of the time. There's no bringing it up without adding some pressure, but actually that's exactly what you want isn't it? You want him to know where you stand, feel the same as you, and then commit. Right? So why not some pressure? Like we said, if he freaks, well then, is he really the kind of guy you want anyway? Sure it will be sad, but there are guys out there who are solid and cool. So yes, bring it up. You'll be happy you did. We can't guarantee the outcome but we can guarantee if things continue as they are you're just going to grow resentful and angry. Check out our video on Friends with Benefits for some more insights .Also, you might enjoy reading the "Relationship Memoirs" page. Some good writers on there. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. We're pulling for you! @Jenny……..Look Jenny, you just bring it up. If he freaks out well then you’ll have your answer. But really, if you’re sleeping with him already you certainly deserve an audience to talk to him about how you’re feeling and to ask him where he stands with this. Yes, you’re right, this probably should have been talked about first, but we’re not going to lecture you. This happens all of the time. There’s no bringing it up without adding some pressure, but actually that’s exactly what you want isn’t it? You want him to know where you stand, feel the same as you, and then commit. Right? So why not some pressure? Like we said, if he freaks, well then, is he really the kind of guy you want anyway? Sure it will be sad, but there are guys out there who are solid and cool. So yes, bring it up. You’ll be happy you did. We can’t guarantee the outcome but we can guarantee if things continue as they are you’re just going to grow resentful and angry. Check out our video on Friends with Benefits for some more insights .Also, you might enjoy reading the “Relationship Memoirs” page. Some good writers on there. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. We’re pulling for you!

]]> Comment on I cheated on him; should I tell him the truth by IIPriincess http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/i-cheated-on-him-should-i-tell-him-the-truth-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102736 IIPriincess Mon, 14 May 2012 18:25:48 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=4532#comment-102736 ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now . and ive cheated on him with 3 different guys . should i tell him ? if so how . First i cheated on him with my ex boyfriend that i was with in highschool , then i cheated on him with my first love . and then i cheated on him with a guy i met that lives in my childhood town were i was raised . i feel terrible and i dont know what his reaction will be , he proposed to me . and i had no reply cause i wanna let him know everything i did before so , so later on if we do get married wich he really wants to . he wont feel like he wasted his time. so i wanna tell him way before . . . i just dont know how . cause his treated me the best im as happy as i can be with him but i guess i took advantage of it . and till now since he proposed to me i feel bad and guilty . i really love him ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now . and ive cheated on him with 3 different guys . should i tell him ? if so how . First i cheated on him with my ex boyfriend that i was with in highschool , then i cheated on him with my first love . and then i cheated on him with a guy i met that lives in my childhood town were i was raised . i feel terrible and i dont know what his reaction will be , he proposed to me . and i had no reply cause i wanna let him know everything i did before so , so later on if we do get married wich he really wants to . he wont feel like he wasted his time. so i wanna tell him way before . . . i just dont know how . cause his treated me the best im as happy as i can be with him but i guess i took advantage of it . and till now since he proposed to me i feel bad and guilty . i really love him

]]> Comment on Break up confusion; will he come back? by keshia http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/break-up-confusion-will-he-come-back/comment-page-1/#comment-102715 keshia Mon, 14 May 2012 17:09:17 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=2051#comment-102715 I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We recently just had a child together. I went to go visit him for a week or so and we had our arguments at times but got over it. But the whole time I was with him he didn't seem himself so I would ask if he was okay and if things with us are alright, and he would tell me things are fine or he didn't want to talk about that right now. And when I asked him to explain to me if we are still in a relationship or not and he tells me that he didn't know. And then said he didn't want to be in a relationship right now. I really don't understand what's going on because he normally isn't like this. I know he might have problems expressing his feelings at times but never act like that. We normally talk things through if there is a problem but i feel like he's pushing things away so he doesn't deal with them. Can you please help me because nothing makes sense to me right now. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We recently just had a child together. I went to go visit him for a week or so and we had our arguments at times but got over it. But the whole time I was with him he didn’t seem himself so I would ask if he was okay and if things with us are alright, and he would tell me things are fine or he didn’t want to talk about that right now. And when I asked him to explain to me if we are still in a relationship or not and he tells me that he didn’t know. And then said he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now. I really don’t understand what’s going on because he normally isn’t like this. I know he might have problems expressing his feelings at times but never act like that. We normally talk things through if there is a problem but i feel like he’s pushing things away so he doesn’t deal with them. Can you please help me because nothing makes sense to me right now.

]]> Comment on Will he come back? by Gem http://theguysperspective.com/relationship-advice-questionanswer/will-he-come-back-2/comment-page-1/#comment-102693 Gem Mon, 14 May 2012 15:24:16 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=3622#comment-102693 My ex and i were fighting lots over lil things. So during his exam time i suggested we take a break for a week just to cool down and have space. ( i see this as he was under a lot of stress & i was not thinking clearly at the time) Well he took that as i was done with him for good. All of the sudden he told me he didn't care about me anymore. (this came out of nowhere) i haven't talk to him in 2 weeks. I decided i need to give him time to let off some steam because as i thought this time apart would help us i feel as if he thought it was the end and gave up on me all together. We were dating for 2 years. Did everything together and told eachother everything. Always got through our problems but this time was different and it all fell apart. I miss him & really want to talk this over with him. I feel he still needs time to cool down. I think all this he did in anger because i suggested something he was afraid of. I want to wait at least a month and a bit before i contact him. I hope that he contacts me first so we can talk this over. How long should i wait before i contact him? Hope this makes sense. Am i doing the right thing by letting him be? Or is this no contact going to make him feel i really don't care? My ex and i were fighting lots over lil things. So during his exam time i suggested we take a break for a week just to cool down and have space. ( i see this as he was under a lot of stress & i was not thinking clearly at the time) Well he took that as i was done with him for good. All of the sudden he told me he didn’t care about me anymore. (this came out of nowhere) i haven’t talk to him in 2 weeks. I decided i need to give him time to let off some steam because as i thought this time apart would help us i feel as if he thought it was the end and gave up on me all together. We were dating for 2 years. Did everything together and told eachother everything. Always got through our problems but this time was different and it all fell apart. I miss him & really want to talk this over with him. I feel he still needs time to cool down. I think all this he did in anger because i suggested something he was afraid of. I want to wait at least a month and a bit before i contact him. I hope that he contacts me first so we can talk this over. How long should i wait before i contact him? Hope this makes sense. Am i doing the right thing by letting him be? Or is this no contact going to make him feel i really don’t care?

]]> Comment on I am confused about this guy; are we in a relationship? by Jenny http://theguysperspective.com/guys/i-am-confused-about-this-guy-are-we-in-a-relationship/comment-page-1/#comment-102681 Jenny Mon, 14 May 2012 13:59:32 +0000 http://theguysperspective.com/?p=5236#comment-102681 Hi, I've begun sleeping with this guy that I've been seeing for a few months and we've never talked about relationships or defined what we are, however I now realise I'm after exclusivity. I realise now that it would have been best to dicuss this prior to sleeping with him. Should I bring it up? How do I find out what he views us as, without adding pressure? And is it too late to make him want to commit seeing as he's 'gotten it all' without having to do so? Hi, I’ve begun sleeping with this guy that I’ve been seeing for a few months and we’ve never talked about relationships or defined what we are, however I now realise I’m after exclusivity. I realise now that it would have been best to dicuss this prior to sleeping with him. Should I bring it up? How do I find out what he views us as, without adding pressure? And is it too late to make him want to commit seeing as he’s ‘gotten it all’ without having to do so?

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