From “One of The Guys”
My daughter is at the, “I want to please Mommy and Daddy” stage. Boy do I love it! She is sweet as pie, in contrast with her brothers, whom I love very much too; but these days they are acting more like a sour candy; one that I can’t stop eating, but every bite makes my whole face pucker up in wincing pain.
Last Friday night my daughter and I went to the Daddy Daughter Jam Dance. I had a gig scheduled but I canceled that. I wasn’t going to miss this extra special bonding experience with my little, almost six year old “Love Bug.”
And boy did it live up to my expectations. We both got dressed up and went out on the town….well, to our local high school. We danced, laughed, made cupcakes, masks and generally enjoyed each other’s company. She also got to see a lot of her friends, and I got to spend some time talking with some of The Guys. After it was all said and done, I couldn’t have been happier to have canceled my gig. A special evening indeed.
I love my kids equally, but I don’t love them the same. Yes, they are all individuals having their own unique set of needs, but for the sake of this post, let’s just break them into two obvious groups. Boys and Girl.
Whereas I love my boys with fierce passion, I love my daughter with gentle intensity.
Whereas I smother my daughter with affection, I love my boys with roughhousing in the living room; when I have them pinned so they can’t fight back, then I smother them with affection.
Whereas I’m happy just soaking in my daughter’s enthusiasm when she plays sports or when she’s with her friends, it’s ME reliving my childhood when my boys are playing or doing anything.
No need to say it. I get it. My boys are not me. And my daughter is not perfect. I’m aware of these things, so I consciously give to my boys what my daughter gets and vice versa. They all deserve to have many different relationships with me, not just one stereotypical one.
But let’s say I wasn’t aware of this, and I just let myself be completely spontaneous. It would look pretty much what I’m describing, because daughters are born with the key, and boys are born banging on the door.
If my daughter only knew how much power she had, she’d demand pretty much anything. My wife already says she does. Well, dammit, I can’t help it! Dads are just wired this way. I’m fighting it, but it’s hard. She bats those long lashes, or smiles with those dimples or gives me that extra special hug and I pretty much say, “Fine, sure, yes, OK, great, why not!”
I know it’s bad, but like I said, it’s wired in me; in us…all GUYS!
But I know what’s coming. Puberty. Hormones and boys, especially Bad Boyz!!!!!! Believe me, a dog knows a dog. This stage is called, “Daddy goes insane, turns into a lunatic, and walks around with gun in holster.”
But hold on!! Wait a minute! No more fast forwarding! I still have some time!!! I must stop projecting!!! For now, I’m going to soak it all in. Breathe every moment, and write it all down. Because when the day hits that my daughter is possessed by some internal demon called adolescence, I’ll need as much documentation as I can get, to remind me of that sweet little thing, eating her dinner without complaining, going to bed on time, cuddling with me every morning, and making me melt thirty times each day.
So I have a question. How long do I really have before this bubble bursts? And I turn into that Guy, that Dad, that lunatic?
I think you have until she’s about 11, maybe, before you become an anachronistic, walking, talking embarrassment to her very being. Enjoy your time while you can.
Luckily, you have plenty of lead time to come up with ways to terrorize prospective suitors.
Dude, I must admit, everytime I read your posts something resonates with me. I don’t know if it’s the daughter thing or the dad thing or the husband thing, but I guess I just need to look at your blog title and that says it all.
[[So I have a question. How long do I really have before this bubble bursts? And I turn into that Guy, that Dad, that lunatic?]] – Hmm… your daughter is turning 6 and mine is turning 7. Let’s do some math. Ok, let’s see here… according to my abacus, you have about 6 years to go and I have about 5. If you ask why, that’s because boys start hunting for girls at the age of 12. Damnnit! Can you believe that? 5 and 6 years? Time flies so fast doesn’t it? Well anyway, I think that gives us ample time to find a good gunsmith. Don’t you agree?
Great post dude!!!
Luckily I only have boys, so I will never have to face this issue. I can just continue to wrestle with them.
I could never have survived with a girl – I’d never let her out of the house until she was 26 and married.
What a wonderful father you are, so loving and sacrificing a gig to be with your daughter. I’m not sure that fathers have as many problems with their daughters during adolescence as moms do. Moms become the ‘bad guys’ and Dads are there for crisis intervention. It is a delicate balance, but I know you will do just great. You are the role model she will seek as she chooses her partners and what better one than you. Savor the moments and just be you!
@bluzdude………jeez, I had even thought about the embarrassment factor. Damn!
@Ryhen…….yes, time flies! Everyone always said that to me when the kids were really young, but I was overwhelmed I just shook my head and smiled. Or grunted. But I get it now. So you think six years? Probably right. Soak those moments up my man!
@Askcherlock……..You are too kind. I’m far from perfect, but I try hard.
I hope you’re right that’s for sure. And it is true, my daughter drives my wife crazier than the boys do. And I’m the opposite. I think it’s just another fascinating aspect of gender and relationships.
Thank goodness adolescence is temporary – both from parents’ and kids’ perspective!
The great relationship you have with her now will be the basis for the enduring one you will always have – there’s just a bumpy patch to get through.
Well, I am 35 years old and I am still daddy’s little girl and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Of course, during her teenage years your daughter might be a bit of a handful, [I know I sure was - read: raging hormones] and she might lean closer to her mother, but rest assured when I tell you there is NOTHING that can come between the Father/Daughter bond. However, enjoy these moments now. Time flies way to fast.
Awww, I love this post! Little girls melt their daddies hearts, and little boys have that bond with their mothers. It’s just the way it is! My dad and I don’t have a relationship, but the bond I have with my stepdad (Pops) is very strong. I was 4 when he came into my life, and he’s been my coach, my confident and my friend. I remember the teenage hell years, and my stepdad was the one I’d usually listen to. I can’t say the same for my poor Mama. Hopefully you’ll skate through the teen years without too much trouble. You know that country song about the dad who cleans his gun when his daughter’s boyfriend comes over? That was my pops.
But as much as it was embarrassing, it was also endearing.
@Glen……I hear ya. I’m bracing myself believe me.
@Chris…..I hope so. I truly hope so. The key is to keep the lines of communication open no matter what’s going on.
I’ll keep reminding myself that when I feel like locking her in her room!
@Meleah…..Time does fly doesn’t it. Like I said I’ll be documenting and savoring every moment. Thanks for the reassurance.
@Date Girl……Funny about your pops. All the funny stereotypes are true aren’t they? Because like I said, a dog knows a dog. Men who were once young men. I don’t need to say anymore!
Great post again, GUYS!! Having two daughters my husband tended to cater more to my younger one. He and my older daughter have a very rough relationship and he keeps his expectations for her in the frustration range. But my younger daughter has always received most of his good attention and praise. I think it’s because my older daughter is way too much like him:) Their personalities clash constantly, but he tries. Unfortunately for economic reasons she is living with us as well as my younger daughter.
I always wondered if we had a boy how he would react to him. Your admission that seeing your boys doing something makes you think of your own childhood experiences explains why you find it difficult to deal with them in the same way as your daughter. Also little girls and women in general are usually irresistible:) Aren’t we? I mean My husband will usually do anything for me no matter how difficult!
Your kids are lucky to have you and I would cherish this time, because when they grow up and separate from you even if you live together it is never the same:)
A very sweet post. There is something so special about the relationship between a dad and his daughter. We only have boys, but with my oldest having just turned 13, I think that it’s been a few years now that all the girl parents have that harried look. My good friend’s daughter just turned 12 and her husband now wants to become Catholic so that they can send her to a convent school–I guess that kind of says it all.
@Barbara…….yes, you are all irresistible!! That’s for damn sure! Yes, I take your advice to heart. I’m trying my best to soak it all up. Thanks!
@Tina…….that is hysterical! I don’t think I’m ready to convert to a new religion, but I’m bracing myself for the inevitable. So with your math I’ve got about 6-7 years. That’s slightly more than some have suggested, so I’ll take it!
I am clueless on how long this bubble bursts. However, I have a feeling that this bond that you are spending time to build during this growing period will go on to even long after the bubble bursts. This bond should make it easier to communicate with the bubble bursting lady.
Oh…been there with 2 boys..finally grown and now it is the grandkids..so yes time flies and one day you wake up, turn around and the whole world has changed…and you are like shit far where did it go…..
Enjoy, relish, soak up, spend all the time that you can with them….
My dad was my hero, my friend…and I miss him so very much. Not sure that I will ever get over losing him. So just continue to be the great dad that you are and all else will fall into place.
My daughter was always rebellious from the time she could walk, so I knew there’d be lots of fireworks when she turned adolescent. None of her defiance or hostility bothered me; I found that easy to ignore. The saddest thing was seeing how unhappy she had suddenly become. She had always been such a sunny, cheerful little girl. I’m a terrible parent, I pretty much let her do whatever she wanted and get into whatever trouble she got into. I made no effort to regulate her behavior at all. I’m a firm believer in people making their own rules and figuring out life for themselves. We’ve always communicated very well, and I know she trusts me and isn’t afraid to confide in me. We have a very open and friendly relationship.
@BK……you’re so right when you talk about communication. I’m hoping that I’ll still manage to have good communication with her even if she’s being a typical teen.
@Renee….It’s so nice to hear from you and a few others about how much they loved their fathers. It’s comforting. I will relish every moment I can! Thanks!
@NothingProfound……..It sounds like your approach worked well for your relationship with your daughter. Like you said, it is about communication. And you’re lucky she isn’t afraid to confide in you. Or really I shouldn’t say lucky, because you established that type of relationship with her from the get go. I’m glad for you. And I hope I’m able to do the same with my daughter….and sons.
Ahhhh…you are a special dad and your children will benefit from your ability to be aware of the most important facts about kids. They are not us and they will always have their own thoughts and challenges to meet and make decisions in accordance with.
What is vital and you seem to be very aware of it is that …what is happening right now is what is so important…how you deal with them now will build a very strong foundation and bond for when they do take those first steps towards being young adults.
At that time…remember that you were there when it was important and even when they seem to be someone you do not recognize because all of a sudden their entire personality has done a total 360 over night…that foundation will never crack.
Having the patience to just listen and say …oh cool…and..or… I love you too ..when they are speaking a complete weird language…is also very necessary in surviving those years.
My dad was my best friend…there is not a day that goes by that I do not remember his John Wayne smile and his oh so quiet cool when reprimanding me for my weird thoughts throughout my teen years.
So today …enjoy each moment that you can….for when they go by …they are gone forever.. and we cannot take rain checks on them
Sweet post…I had my father wrapped around my finger, too. My brother still remembers those days when I would get favored just because I was the girl. My boyfriend’s daughters are 10 and 16, so I am learning about the “transition” period fathers go through. Just remember—Despite the rough times, the bond is still there, and girls still love their dads.
Being in the “big bad mummy” role as my girl and her friends jokingly refer to me as when I say no to something she wants to do, I can tell you so far that although they lose that innocence that teenage years bring … teach them to respect themselves above all else and others well, keep open the communication as a few others have said (even if sometimes it means some internal *fingers in ears* “la la la la la la” moments while you smile and your brain scrambles madly assessing on how to react .. or not as some situations may need), do not give her reason to fear you from her making mistakes, show her its ok to be human just like you and everyone else and she will always be daddies little girl and will always make your heart melt. They grow up yes … but theyre forever our “little ones” on the inside. Some people say these times are gone forever … but these moments will never completely disappear they just come in different ways and are always close to our hearts. Keep up the great work dad … by the sounds of your efforts Im sure you will always be their gem.
@D……I try, I try. I’m certainly not perfect, but I hear you. Be Patient. Listen. Laugh. But also, lay the law down when necessary. Quite the balancing act!
@Kelly…….I remember my dad favoring my sister too, but somehow it didn’t bother me. It just seemed to make sense somehow. Now I get it, so I have to be careful to treat all three of my kids fairly.
@Missi……….”do not give her reason to fear you from her making mistakes” You are so right!!! Like I said before, I’m trying hard. I have my up days and my down days.
There is something so special between father and daughter and it’s always there for dad’s like you, however, resistance, personality, and independence usually begin to blossom in the early teens. You’ll still be her rock but it will different and you’ll have to share her with friends.
Blessings and what a wonderful post and tribute to dads and daughters everywhere.. like you…..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
First- JESUS GOD! GUYS- Can you give me like 5 mins to read a post BEFORE you post another!!! GRRRR to you!
There are new rules! You now are required to email the Crazy Brunette and ask if I am ready for your new thread! THANK YOU!!!
I’d say you have about 5 years darlin. Sorry, but it’s the sad truth. I’m a bitter bitch, so I shall not comment on my father.
BUT, keep the shotgun ready for polishing for when those boys decide to come knocking at the door!
I love this post. You capture the sweetness of your bond so well. It reminds me of something I’ve always wanted for my own daughter – her Dad to be her first date.
Dad is the one who worships and loves her like no other man so I believe its fitting Dad be the one to take her on her first proper date and show her how a man should treat a woman. Same thing for Moms and their sons. Once they go through the experience they will always know the standards they are worthy of.
I dont think you’ll turn into Lunatic Dad. I htink you’ll be so supportive and proud of your girl you will always find a way to work through the muddles of adolescence!
My niece is 11 and she acts ashamed of my sister and brother-law-already. She criticizes them because they own an older model of digital camera. I do think you’re lucky as heck for NOW. But when “boy time” arrives full force, you’ll go crazy. hahahahahaha. Yipee!*
Holds gun upright… starts firing at ceiling.
@Dorothy………thanks! I have to share her???
@Lola………..I hope so. Adolescence scares the Pants of me!
@Ashley……..5 years!!?? Well, that seems to be the consensus. Kids are growing up too fast!
@Kelly………Oh god, not the “act ashamed” treatment! That would be harder than her going nuts. I think…..