Comments on: How good could it be?

By: Suburban Guy

Suburban Guy — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 12:44:09 +0000

Again, more great advice out there. I think we all agree that it “takes two to tango.” Interestingly, I wrote this piece not as a means of getting advice (not that I don’t appreciate it) but because of something I had lost after so many years of not having it — a sense of what I even wanted. I’d turned away from desire out of hopelessness. Frankly, I think the moment of authorship took to a bit of an extreme since I hadn’t really dared enter that space for a while. You know, it’s hard to fully accept how much you want something you feel hopeless about getting. It’s much easier to stay distracted and fooled. Thing is, now that I know what it is I would like — more love and closeness that is simple and fun — I think I can see ways of bringing that back, if I can get her to accept that it’s something we BOTH want. Thanks for all the great advice, and I hope all those other lopsided relationships out there find their balance and start gliding through the water swift and strong soon. Life is too short to escape into distractions. Maybe my next post will be “How good it is now.”

By: meleah rebeccah

meleah rebeccah — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 00:00:43 +0000

OH!!!!

By: Mindy

Mindy — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 23:17:37 +0000

Ashley, I’m no slouch and my ex wasn’t the least bit interested in me. Maybe once a year at the end. It’s not you!

By: Margaret (Nanny Goats)

Margaret (Nanny Goats) — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 21:28:51 +0000

You will probably get all kinds of advice on How To, and there are a million books out there on it. The problem is, it takes work to keep that excitement alive. When the relationship is new, it’s easy , no work at all. And we want it to be easy forever and we don’t want to work at it. And we don’t want to change anything to create more newness to keep it exciting because we don’t like change but we want what that change would provide. Sounds more complicated that it needs to be, right? In any event the first thing to do, first and foremost, is to talk to each other about it. And then DO something about it.

Wishing you the best!

By: Kelly

Kelly — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:12:04 +0000

I was hoping for a really “juicy” sex scenario kind of story. Damn it, I had the lube all ready. Oh well. We can’t have everything.

Anyway, I know exactly how Suburban Guy feels. there will be that doubt until real communication is engaged. Hope you can rekindle the relationship to it’s fullest potential. Take care!

By: ZuzannaM

ZuzannaM — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 19:22:30 +0000

Hello and thank you for stopping at my blog !

Loved your article about relationship; in today’s society, it is good to hear about relationship that works. It takes “TWO TO TANGO”~~ both people shall understand their role in a committed relationship and put 50/50. That will always make both people happy and content. In addition, communication is the key to successful marriage.
I found that life wisdom and maturity is the key to successful relationship. Thank you again, Zuzanna

By: nothingprofound

nothingprofound — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 15:05:45 +0000

Paradoxically, I think most people these days work so hard on relationships they can’t possibly work. So many unrealistic demands and expectations especially in the department of romance and sex. I don’t know what your particular situation is, but when you say it’s gone cold are you referring exclusively to the physical side or the emotional, spiritual, intellectual parts as well. Do you ever have a good talk, see a concert, go for a walk together, have mutual friends you enjoy seeing? There’s so much more than just a good roll in the hay that holds a couple together, at least in my way of thinking. I’m not trying to minimize the role sex and touching play in a relationship, but sometimes they suffer because those other pieces are missing.

By: Suburban Guy

Suburban Guy — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 12:40:33 +0000

@ashley – you deserve to feel really, really amazing about how you look and who you are! Awesome! It’s really hard to keep it up when you aren’t getting the right response, but you’ve just got to do it anyway. It’s your happiness, so don’t let a numb husband spoil it. Love yourself and rock on. For me, I can’t IMAGINE behaving like your husband, but who knows what is going on there — issues with intimacy can run really, really, really deep (some say back to infancy).

@BK – well said. I think you hit the nail on the head: both sides have to want to make it work, then the rest will happen. I’ll add one thing: both sides have to not have “issues” with intimacy that are from outside the relationship. Some people don’t go there easily, know what I mean?

By: BK

BK — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 09:30:30 +0000

I totally agree with you that relationship is a duet show; it takes two hands to clap. Ideally, both parties should be giving the relationship 100% but realistically that may happen some times but not all the time. Usually one side would be giving more at one time than the other. It is a lot of give without expectation and a whole lot of appreciation. A lot of give and take. But end of the day, both parties need to earnestly want to make the relationship works; whether they are putting 100% or less than that, they have to have the inner wish to make the relationship work out.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 06:28:55 +0000

Well, I have just GOT to put my two cents in here…

Duh, right?

So, here goes… I lost 50lbs since October, I currently weigh 122lbs (I love saying it, so piss off!) I feel SEXY and hot and I want to be pushed up against a wall and screwed until I can’t breathe.

My husband doesn’t even look at me! No matter what I do, no matter what I say, I get nothing…

I have no good advice, all I have is a fucking pity party you can join darlin’. Saturday at 7pm, see you there!