From “ONE of THE GUYS”
I learned something this past weekend. But let me back up for a second.
I’m always cold and I hate it. When summer turns to fall my house takes on a chill that doesn’t let up. It’s that time of year when the house is actually colder than it is outside. So while everyone’s enjoying the leaves as they’re turning every sort of shade and the kids head back to school, excited for bus rides and recess, I’m shivering in my house, wearing about four layers of clothes. But I refuse to turn on the heat. It’s too early and gas is expensive. And I’m cheap.
So imagine my utmost surprise this weekend when things took a turn in my favor. My oldest son, who’s still in elementary school decided he wanted to have a sleepover. At first it was going to be a few kids, but the list kept growing and pretty soon it was ten kids. Suffice it to say, it was wild! But an amazing thing happened! Our house got warm. No really, I mean seriously hot!
This is the conversation I had with my wife.
“Honey, did you turn the heat up?”
“Nope.”
“Well were you just baking some brownies for the kids?”
“No.”
“Well, why is the house so hot?”
“I have no idea.”
I actually had to take off two of my four layers. And I was more than comfortable.
Then I checked the thermostat. It was at 72 degrees!!! I kid you NOT! A full ten degrees higher than it had been for the last two weeks!! It still hadn’t dawned on me what the heat source was until I was getting all the kids tucked away for the night. I had the late shift. My wife had done a ton of work getting everything prepared for the party, so I agreed to be the graveyard attendant. So while my wife was happily snoozing, I was up dealing with the little monsters. Half the boys were so tired they could barely keep their eyes open, the other half were so tired they were loopy. But all of them complained that the room was too hot! It was steaming, like a sauna!! I actually had to open a window and leave it open the whole night!! That’s when it dawned on me.
I JUST FOUND THE HEAT SOURCE!!!!
Wow……now I was excited. I was just trying to figure out how I could bottle that heat and use it for six months out of every year. The solution appeared slowly, like an apparition materializing out of the dark night. And I figured out what I needed to do. Why hadn’t I thought of this earlier??
My wife and I needed to have more kids. A lot more!! We have three, so we needed to bump it to TEN! Seven more pregnancies. That didn’t seem so bad. It would probably take about ten years or so. We could do it. The thought of being warm for the rest of my life thrilled me. I was sure I could convince my wife she wouldn’t mind being beautifully plump for another decade. But then my happy daydream came crashing down. I realized the chink in my plan. It was me. I was the chink. For I was fixed! I had no more kids in my future. And if my wife got pregnant, she’d have some explaining to do!
Damn, I didn’t think that one out entirely. Doomed to be cold for the rest of my life.
But I guess in the end I could just turn up the heat. GAS, is just a little bit cheaper than seven more kids headed to college.
Nah….. forget that, I’m moving to Florida.
BBpluto
I guess it really is about how you look at something isn’t it?
Are you always cold?
What are your sources for heat? (Yes, I’m inviting it all!)
Any more kids in your plans?
Wow, finally a GUY who is always cold! I have been that way since I was a child. I used to sneak down the hall and turn up the thermostat. As soon as my mother heard the furnace kick on, she shouted my name and turned the heat down.
More kids are not the answer. Trust me! We thought about moving south until we were vacationing there two years ago, right before a hurricane hit. It’s that old saying about the “devil you know…”
My husband thinks I get cold because I am thin. He is never cold and has about 80 more pounds on him than I do to keep him warm. Maybe you should eat more, then diet in the spring!
You’re missing the obvious solution… Borrow more kids! Or at least have more sleep-overs.
I do the same thing with the thermostat… I try to see how long I can go before turning on the heat… or the AC in summer. I try to maximize that “transition” time when you’re using neither heat nor AC and “coast” for as long as possible. I figure, I already have the sweatshirts and blankets… This is when you make up for the outrageous rates you’re paying during the summer and winter.
HELLOOOOOOOOOO…….Heat is cheaper than raising more kids. Funny premise, but lets think long term.
Heat source: It’s call hot flashes and night sweats. I’ll take cold any day. Just wait till the misses has them, then you’ll be wearing thermal underwear under your four layers of clothes and experiencing andropause. But if you set your thermostat ten degrees under 72…I agree you are cheap.
Too funny…since I have moved back from Sunny Florida to Northern Ontario and am residing in my moms 3 story character home…I am now best friends and not to mention very up close and personnel with 4-5 layers of clothing and very fuzzy socks. I can soooo feel your shivers and temp dropping challenge.
AS much as it would be fun trying 
Although I will say that it is probably cheaper to put on the Nipigon Nylons and do some warm up stretches than to raise 10 kids
Nice to see your blog moving onward and upward…things are looking very good indeed !
you need to discover vodka a little tipple every night and i am always warm and it is cheaper than six kids
Exercise and hot showers work for me. Running up and down the stairs a hundred times or dancing to a few old rock tunes takes that chill away.
I’m never cold. I sleep with the windows open, even in the winter, and even though it’s November, I’m still wearing shorts on a daily basis. Ha!
But I’ve noticed this phenomenon before….mostly when I’ve had parties. You get dozens of bodies in my house and suddenly it’s a sauna; I can hardly stand it.
But when I am cold, I turn on the heater. I lived for more than 20 years without a heater, and now that I have one, I use it happily.
Funny post!
We’ve lived so many places it’s hard to know what type of person I am. When we lived in Connecticut I was always cold once the damp weather hit, now here in California I’m in shorts when everyone is in parkas and wool hats. It’s like an alternate universe being so hot blooded here.
Don’t worry about not having more kids, just get dogs. The southern expression 3 dog night is based on that. Chilly night- One dog in the bed, cold night – 2 dogs and a bitter cold night is a three dog night (you may need a bigger bed though).
Interesting, I`ll quote it on my site later.
Have a nice day
Doggy
I turn up the heat. I refuse to be cold.
I am always hot and I have to open the windows in the dead of winter to cool off my room. My kids are always complaining it’s too cold and turning up the heat. They call me the human radiator. Last winter I didn’t even wear a coat all winter. Just a sweatshirt. I don’t get cold until it’s about 30 below 0. I’m abnormal, I know. Just call me the human radiator.
Your site was extremely handy to me. I had a good time reading it and will pop back regularly to see what’s new.
Our newest place isn’t very well insulated, so it’s always chilly. I love it though, because it promotes cuddling. I would say the key to feeling warmer would be to add on the pounds, but that’s not so healthy. Neither is having ten kids!! So I’d just bundle up, or get a snuggy for Christmas!
This post made me laugh! And yes I stay cold all the time to it seems. Hmm Marine mentioned to me something about a corn burning stove the other day…. look them up. Supposed to be cheaper than gas and more eco friendly/Green. Maybe it will be another heat source for us Cheapo’s who stay cold!!