Yeah I’m a guy and this is stupid but I have a lot in my mind and can’t seem to think of a good answer. I recently went out with a few friends to go drink and have a good time at the beach. We got pretty drunk and I ended up doing it with my homegirl. I feel badly because she was a virgin. I didn’t mean to do it but the beer got to me I guess. And well now she’s mad at me and hardly wants to talk now. She’s really special and fun but I don’t like her like that; I really just wanted to have fun not have sex. Ugh, please I don’t know what to do. The only thing I’ve come up with is letting my friends beat the crap out of me for being stupid, but I still don’t think that would change anything.
Any advice ?
Thanks for your question. It certainly isn’t stupid. What would be stupid is letting your friends beat the crap out of you. That probably isn’t the best solution to this situation, or a solution at all.
First you need to understand why your friend is so mad at you. Here are some possibilities:
1. She wishes she saved herself for someone else. And she’s upset at herself, but taking it out on you.
2. She feels used by you. Mainly because she wants a relationship with you and realizes you don’t feel the same.
3. She now realizes that things are forever changed between the two of you and it makes her sad.
4. The experience didn’t live up to the fantasy she had in her mind. (Rarely does from our experience.)
So which is it? If we were betting guys we’d go with a combination of all of them, but more concentrated with #2. So you see Charlie, it’s not that you took her virginity, it’s that you don’t want anything more. She’s upset that you just want to go back to being friends. She doesn’t want that, otherwise she wouldn’t have slept with you in the first place.
So stop feeling guilty about the virginity piece and start feeling guilty about the using her piece. (We’re kind of kidding.) We know things happen, especially when there’s drink involved. All you can do now is be honest with her. Tell her that it was fun—make her feel good about the first time—but also tell her you don’t want to lose her as a friend, and how important she is in your life. In essence, by being with her, you’re afraid you’re going to lose her. (This is our interpretation of your note. We apologize if we’re missing something.)
Look Charlie, it’s clear you have a heart and a conscience. You’re going to make mistakes all throughout your life, but it’s best to face them straight on. And if your friends beat the crap out of you, you’re going to have a hard time looking her in the eye through the bandages. You can do this. You can make this right by being honest. And then try to be a supportive friend to her if she wants that.
ps. Hey, let your friends know about us. Thanks! We’re happy to give our opinion on any other guy related questions.
she’s a big girl.