Why is he not asking me out?

• One of the Guys 2013-06-11 10:09:50 said:

  @DJ.....It's too soon to tell. So hang in there and be patient. The fact that you're working together could be factoring into his hesitancy, as well as him leaving in a few months. It's really hard for us to say. We'd say if it doesn't happen soon, it's probably not going to. Hang in there and try to relax and enjoy his company.

• Lindsey 2013-06-09 15:26:35 said:

  Hi guys! I randomly came across your site and I love it! It's good to see the male perspective (and an honest one at that!) on these situations. I think most females forget that indulging too much information to their girlfriends leads to more sympathetic, sometimes selfish, advice rather than honest and factual. With that said, I think this site is a really neat and unique way to get insight. But I'm dying to know (and I'm sure I'm not alone here) what your guys' stories are! What triggered your idea to give advice to us naïve (haha!) females? Have you dealt with women in the past who just don't get it? Had female friends that you watched get played? What led you here exactly? How old are you guys? How many are there? And how do you come up with this advice? It'd be interesting to know our mysterious 'mentors' stories!

• Mary 2013-06-09 13:39:39 said:

  Should I apply the 30-day "no contact rule"? This guy worked for the same company I work currently work for, but a few weeks before he quit, he reached out to me via email asking me for help with work. At that time, I did not know he was leaving nor had I ever met him in person. After a few back and forth emails, he said-- "on a side note, someone in the office mentioned that you are a climber?" Long story short, we began going to the climbing gym with two of his friends and our friendship began. This was January 2013. Within a week, he invited me on a climbing trip over the weekend with his friend and climbing mentor. I also met his parents during that trip. Needless to say, I had a great time. He is an engineer and frequently goes offshore with his new company. During his last trip, he texted and emailed me everyday--- almost play by play. That is when I started wondering about his intentions. April 2013. I admit that until a few weeks ago, I was not romantically interested in him even though I acknowledged that he is the type of man I would like to fall in love with and marry. I am a 33yr old female, btw. I still don't know what his intentions are. June 2013. He has never asked me out on a real date. This past Thursday, I went out dancing (June 6, 2013) with one of his girlfriends from church. He sent me a text wishing me a fun night and good weekend. I replied with a picture text of us at the bar and told him "wished you were here!" He did not respond at all. My I intentions were to let him know that I wished he was there -- with me. Was I vague, you think? We have been spending a lot of time together but there has been no touching, flirting, stares,etc. I was simply trying to let him know that I am considering him romantically. Today is Sunday and tomorrow we are supposed to go running with (a group of friends)...should I apply the 30-day "no contact rule"? We have also agreed to run a race in July ( weekend trip) and have a first time goal for both of us in running a 3k under 21 minutes -- together-- it's a night trail run :) (fun!). I have so much fun with this guy that I am afraid of losing hi friendship if he is not romantically interested in me, but simultaneously I think it is worth the risk. What do you think?

• DJ 2013-06-07 13:40:25 said:

  Hi, I met this guy a few months ago and we hit it off pretty well right from the start. Every time we hung out he would incidentally sit next to me. We are both into music and so we'll be recording an album soon. As this is the case we've been spending quite some time together and I've noticed that I'm falling for him. I am not entirely sure about his feelings for me although he's given me subtle hints (at least that's what I think they are!). He is a serious person and thinks a lot before doing something. He's really sweet to me and pays extra attention to what I say when he ignores most girls who try to flirt with or pay too much attention to him. If I suggest something he generally does it. Does this mean that he likes me? Also, he remembers things I've told him when we first met. Little things like a song that I thought would match our vocals,etc. The biggest problem is that he's leaving back to the UK in 3 months. I don't know if this is a reason for him not asking me out or if he's generally being nice to me and has no intention of dating me. I'm really confused.

• One of the Guys 2013-05-29 11:08:16 said:

  @Emily.........He's saying the distance will be hard and it's 20 minutes by car? Is he kidding? That's nothing. That doesn't sound good to us. Also, don't be confused by the kissing. He was horny and wanted to sleep with you. Our advice: You need to pull back. The ball is in his court. You've told him how you feel and if he does nothing soon then it's time to move on.

• Emily 2013-05-26 00:42:33 said:

  So I like this guy, and he said he liked me, too. So we hung out yesterday, and it was crappy out. We ended up cuddling outside, and like an hour later he finally kissed me. This is the 5th time we him out, but I finally told him I liked him last week. So anyways, we kissed for like a half hour, and then we sat up, and he kept hugging me, and leaning his head on my shoulder, and kissing my shoulder. But he seemed kinda upset. So I asked him where this brought us and he said he didn't know, but then he kissed me again. When it was time to go he kept pulling me in for one more kiss till I really had to go... Why isn't he asking me out? I mean he's said that if we dated it'd be hard cause of distance but it's only like 20 minutes by car, and he said it didn't even really matter... So is he gonna ask me out, or am I just wastin my time?

• One of the Guys 2013-05-15 08:55:44 said:

  @justina....You're welcome. Hope it was helpful.

• Justina P 2013-05-15 08:04:57 said:

  Thanks for your help! Much appreciated.

• One of the Guys 2013-05-14 17:48:26 said:

  @Justina......We think he already knows how he feels, but he's keeping it vague. (So yes, maybe he's leading you on a little.) If he wanted something more he would have told you by now. It sounds to us like he's keeping you at a distance. At least emotionally. And we don't think this is going to change. Guys don't typically "grow" feelings. They usually know right away. We understand that you're into this guy, but we think you're more into him than he's into you. How you proceed is up to you. We hope we're wrong, but this seems like it's only going to get more frustrating and confusing.

• Justina P 2013-05-13 14:56:06 said:

  So there's this guy that I've known for 8 years so more, we met online randomly. We've always spoken just friendly at first and he always made the time to message me and when we drifted apart he would eventually make the effort to get back in touch. We talked just how friends would. Through the years we both had different relationships but still maintained contact as friends. He seemed quite apprehensive at first to meet up at, i guessed he just didnt want to allow himself to get too close. we met up for the first time and I really liked him, there was alot of chemistry and I find him very sexy. Since then we have been messaging alot more, him making the effort mainly to contact every other day or more (he doesn't call me and I don't call him). We've had alot of flirty conversations and have established that we are both attracted to eachother and like eachother. He broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years a few months ago but has honestly said that he didn't have anymore feelings for her and that's the reason they broke up. We met up again 1 month later (2nd time we met up) and things got quite heated, we talked, kissed passionately and things got quite heated so I decided that I didn't want anything to happen. He seemed fine with that and we kissed and just held eachother. We talk about things as if we are going to me up, but he still hasnt asked to see me again... another month later. He tells me he wants me, but he isn't looking for anything serious for now. I've told him from the start that I am eventually looking to settle down with someone. The other night we were talking, he said some things to which i told him i'd want to explore things on a physical and emotion level, knowing that there MIGHT be more in the future. He probed to find out what i meant by emotionally..eventually he answered "nobody knows what the future holds". what does he mean by this? I can't stop thinking about him and I have a feeling that if he gave me the chance (ie if we met up and spent time together) he would grow feelings for me and we could have something really good. What do I do, from a male perspective? Is he just leading me on?

• One of the Guys 2013-04-29 08:45:33 said:

  @Anu......We're confused. Is he on a trip, or does he live in a different city, or did he go back to school? What's the deal? Did you know he was leaving when you met him?

• Anu M 2013-04-28 13:09:52 said:

  I met this guy through a friend and was instantly attracted to him. For all I knew he was the shy kind so I took the pain of breaking the ice with him. Adding him up on fb and messaging him. He replied. We talked. Onlime he was surprisingly open and indirectly even slipped his mobile number in the chat with the context of sending me his latest painting on my email(which he wanted texted on his no)hich I had let him know Id like to see. We began exchanging texts soon afterwards and he asked me out in aboit 60 mins into the conversation. I agreed. We met. We connected. We had fun. After the date he texts me totally smitten forwards me the latest poems that he wrote on our meet up. Evenadmitted to missing me the next day. Also, carefully hinting at words like love , like a lot. He completely opened up his romancing to me. Continuously texting althrough the dayBut the confusion is here, he wouldnt ask me out again. He had only about 2-3 days left in the town but still wouldnt. I broached catching up before he left, towhich he replied that much time wouldnt be left that way for his bus was aout few hours awayonly. I didnt make a big deal ofhis response. Now he is away from town and is texting continuously but has nothing to say. Just what am i dealing with here. ps- he does not flirt even a little.

• One of the Guys 2013-03-31 10:26:06 said:

  @Zoey.....You're welcome. Good luck.

• Zoey 2013-03-30 18:16:16 said:

  You are right. Even though the women were obnoxious and loud, they didn't deserve to be ignored by him. He'd probably do the same thing to me if I dated him. Forgetting about him! Thanks for your insight.

• One of the Guys 2013-03-29 23:01:46 said:

  @Zoey......Because he's a player. And he doesn't know how to treat women. Sorry. But you're missing something really important. It doesn't matter if these women are "trashy" as you say. He's still treating them like crap when he goes off to talk with you. What does this say about him? We're not seeing a lot of potential here.

• Zoey 2013-03-28 20:48:35 said:

  I have a similar situation with a guy, I met him 1.5 yrs ago playing on an adult sports league. He's very attractive/charming and women seem to shower him with attention. I was turned off by it so kept my distance from him. I have run into him lately in the last 2 months. One time he was with a trashy young/drunk girl, he's in late 30's and they appeared to be on a date. It was at a bar and long story short he left her to talk to me and said he wanted to kiss me. For me to leave with him. I told him I wanted to kiss him but I didn't feel right going with him to another bar since he was originally with this other woman he was just leaving behind. We only have each other's email addresses, but neither of us emailed after that. I just ran into him again this past Sat at a different bar. He was with a different woman on a date. When he saw me we started chatting and talked for 3hrs. He ignored his date pretty much entire time. She was very angry. He even said he'd meet my friend and I out later that night at a different bar. But never showed. We casually talked about him coming to a sports game I had this week, but he never showed. So I really like this guy but I'm confused by his actions. Why doesn't he just ask me out if he enjoys spending time with me so much. And why does he date these trashy women but not me?? He doesn't have my # but he could email me or find me on facebook. So why doesn't he??

• One of the Guys 2013-02-17 18:18:17 said:

  @Jenna.......The only other thing we'll say is that you seem young to be worried about this. Be patient. Sometimes it takes a while to meet the right person. And if you're dealing with guys around your age well then we can see why you're frustrated. Guys usually don't start maturing into the kind of guy you're looking for until their late 20s. Maybe try a guy who's a little bit older. Not way older but maybe 3-7 years older. You might have better luck.

• Jenna 2013-02-17 10:20:47 said:

  Hey, thanks. I meet guys all over the place, through varsity, through friends, online dating sites, at bars, and even through singing. Same results every time. I know giving advice to someone you have never met isn't the easiest thing in the world and thank you for yours, but I worked out who I am and what I want a long time ago, I always stand by my morals and ideals and have a very strong personality. Attracting guys isn't a problem, it's finding a guy who wants to date rather than one who is just looking for some action. Maybe I am just one of those "wait it out" cases and just have to deal with being viewed as "a piece of meat" until maybe someone finally thinks different.

• One of the Guys 2013-02-17 09:48:10 said:

  @Jenna.....Where are you meeting guys? Is it possible you're running in the wrong circles, or not putting yourself out there. Remember, you are not these other women. How they go about attracting guys may not be how you should go about attracting them? Start by being yourself. And then figure out what that actually means, what does that look like. Once you figure that out, decide what your interests are and start doing them more. Ideally you want to meet people interested in the same sorts of things of things as you are. Have you tried, Meetup.com ? Good luck.

• Jenna 2013-02-17 02:15:22 said:

  I am a 23 (almost 24) year old woman, and I have been single for over 3 years. I am outgoing, ambitious, confident, but also down-to-earth and know what I want out of life. I know that guys find me attractive both physically and personality wise but I always seem to be placed into the "friend" or "friend-with-benefits" categories. I have met different types of guys, I have even considered guys that I normally wouldn't go for and the result is always the same. I have even tried behaving differently when I meet someone new, not fake or anything like that, just altering my approach to things slightly. I would really like to find someone to be my partner in life, even if it is just for a few months but no man I meet is interested in actually dating me. I know the whole "just give it time" thing but three years without one single guy being interested in dating me is causing me to get quite irritated with the way things are. I have girl friends who literally have men falling at their feet in love with them and it really makes me think if there is a specific way of behaving that automatically makes men shy away from dating a woman? What do most men actually look for? There are some times that I wonder if I will ever actually meet anyone who will think that I am worth the effort of courting because even though I know I am, no-one else is confirming it.

• One of the Guys 2013-02-05 10:12:00 said:

  @Laura.....He needs to ask you out. Don't make things easy for him. And your different cultures could also be deterring him. Maybe he doesn't feel like the two of you communicate well enough. Whatever it is, something's going on. If you do all the work you'll never really know where he stands. So sit tight and be patient. The only way you'll be able to gauge his interest is by letting him do the work for now.

• Laura 2013-02-05 04:02:18 said:

  Thank you!!!! :-) Yes, I am from European country (actually, mix of 3 countries), sorry for bad English!! He is also foreigner, but has been abroad longer. In fact, we speak sometimes English, sometimes his language, because originally we come from countries close together (but still different cultures). So what I should do? I don't think he has girlfriend, because we talk a lot and he mentions his sister but not her. Maybe shy. Maybe doesn't like me enough. We have different temperament, but otherwise very similar. I ask him out?? I prefer him to do that, but I can do if necessary. Right now I think about him a lot and I don't think it is healthy. :-) I need to think of different things!! But maybe I will need to go to his city in few weeks for other reason. I ask to see him then or this will scare him?? Good idea??

• One of the Guys 2013-02-04 20:23:12 said:

  @Laura........Thanks. Well his reticence could be fore a variety of reasons. 1. He's involved with someone and not telling you about her. 2. He doesn't want to deal with the distance. 3. He's not sure how you feel about him. 4. He's painfully shy. 5. He think you're too different. Question: It seemed from your note that you might not be a native speaker. Or was that just shorthand prose? Where are you from?

• Laura 2013-02-03 16:36:49 said:

  Hi guys! A friend recommend your site to me. I like it a lot!! :) I met a man at a conference last year and again last week, both times three days (we have jobs in technological field). Every time we spend a lot of time together. He is very nice, we laugh all the time together!! I am very open person who talk to many people. I think he is more quiet, but he speaks all the time with me. We never have quiet/awkward moment. I think he likes me, but is difficult to read, because he is more introvert person. Still, he spend a lot of time with me and sometimes touch me, like hand on my arm to calm me down as a joke. My coworkers ask me about cute guy I met at conference so obvious to everyone!!?? Now I am wondering why he not ask me out? He lives in city 3 hrs from me. It is a little far, but still easy travel. He is too shy? He not want to go out with person from work? My friend says maybe he finds difficult that I have better job than him even though he is older (2yrs)? But I don't understand then why he spend so much time with me talking? He finds long distance too difficult? But it is not very long distance!! I am very confused!! He is very gentle person, not type who flirt with every woman just for fun, but maybe he just being friendly? Or maybe he think I am not very interested because I always have good time also with other people?? When I am in same room I am very sure he likes me and I like him very much also but why no contact since conference???

• One of the Guys 2013-01-12 08:48:48 said:

  @Marci.....We answered this on the other post you left it on. Respond to us there. Take care.

• Marci 2013-01-10 16:59:50 said:

  So I met this guy NYE and we completely hit it off! He asked for my number and has contacted me pretty much every day since we met. We had our first date on Friday and it lasted 3 hours. It was a good time. He was a complete gentleman and chivalrous, very refreshing! He's been contacting me pretty much every day since the date sending me funny links (he knows I like stand up) and just checking in to see how my day is going. It seems like he's obviously interested, but he hasn't set up a second date. I'm confused. Is he just wanting to take it slow or what? I figured if a guy is into dating you, he plans a date at least once a week. Am I wrong? What do you think his deal is?

• One of the Guys 2012-10-17 14:40:33 said:

  @Augusta......You sound great, but he's at a different life-stage than you. Once again, "timing" rears its ugly head. We agree with you. Time to move on and let him do what he needs to do as a 26 year old guy. He's got a lot of living to do before he catches up with you. Take care and thanks for visiting. Come back anytime. Or ask a question anytime. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

• Augusta 2012-10-17 13:48:50 said:

  Wow, guys and @Siobhanow! THANK YOU for this advice! Quite exactly the same thing has happened (is happening) to me right now...same age gap, I am 37 and he's like 26, also an ex-co-worker...I am divorced with 2 small children, and he knows (he was shocked when he got to learn about that I had to tell him my age, as I look like 30, actually, well, most of the people don't believe I am divorced an with 2 kids as I look and act more infantile than 37) Whilst working together at first I thought he was gay because he always would come to talk to me...then at a party, there was suddenly an intense chemistry between us and we ALMOST made out but I felt embarassed as we were surrounded by ex-co-workers...I decided to forget him because of the age difference, but then met him by coincidence a few months after that night...there was a lot of chemistry again and I wrote him a few days after so we dindnt lost contact...he dint ask me out...then, after 6 months or so he just wrote me back, and we started flirting again...then I told him to get out and he answered like "yes, whenever you say!" but then again we havnt met. Reading what I wrote I think it's time to leave him fly as I think he IS a boy growing up, and I can't relate to his world nor unerstand why he is not asking me out.

• One of the Guys 2012-10-10 13:54:38 said:

  @Siobhan.....Thanks, we're doing well. Nice to hear from you. The reason you're having trouble moving on is because there wasn't really closure. In fact, the whole relationship was kind of like that. That's why sometimes when people are breaking up, we still encourage them to explore every possibility so they won't have any regrets. (Even when the writing is on the wall.) In your case, nothing really even got started, so there wasn't much to explore. And we stand by that. One way to get past this is to understand that he had every opportunity to pursue you and still chose not to. Meaning, he didn't deem you to be girlfriend worthy. (Sorry) But there's not really a soft way to say it. And we can tell you might need some tough love. Siobhan, you deserve to be with someone who feels the same as you, someone who wants to announce to the world how amazing you are. You're not going to get that from this guy. The only thing open-ended about this is you, and what you believe the two of you had. But that's in contrast to how he felt. It takes two as you know. We're not saying to forget him—you have some nice memories— we're saying you need to see it for what it was and not have this idea that it was something else. If you start to see it in a different light it might help you move on. This advice comes from a supportive place. We hope you know that. Take care and keep us posted. Come back anytime. ps. We are relaunching our site in a few days, so we hope you'll come back and check it out with all your friends. We're going to be relying on our readers to answer some questions in a weekly, possibly daily multiple choice poll. Thanks!

• Siobhan 2012-10-10 11:01:21 said:

  Hi guys, hope you're well :) quick update - been dating lots, making good dating decisions & feeling pretty good. So why can't I forget him? I miss him (obviously we're not working together anymore) & can't actually believe that all those months have come to nothing. We had a good solid friendship, and knew each other. I haven't contacted him, he hasn't contacted me. I'm living my life, keeping my self esteem high & getting asked out...but when will this feeling pass - am I truly supposed to forget about him & not look back? I have a feeling I know what you'll say.... :)

• One of the Guys 2012-09-30 11:09:02 said:

  @Siobhan.....Glad we could help. Keep us posted. And take care. Enjoy!

• Siobhan 2012-09-30 09:00:48 said:

  Thanks for the quick response guys! Yes, suspect you're right. Tough though as I have real feelings for him & it felt like something was honestly there. It's hard. But if he doesn't step up & follow through, it means nothing, I know. I'll see how things pan out...but carry on dating other guys in the meantime, to remind myself what I'm worth ;) will spread the word for sure about your site, love it! Have a great weekend, keep you updated.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-30 08:21:02 said:

  @Siobhan....We were thinking he might be freaked out. Taking the next step is a big deal, at least for some guys. And maybe the age difference doesn't bother you, but we're pretty sure that's factoring into his hesitancy. Guys take a while to mature. At 26, he's just starting to wake up to the adult world. To immediately jump into a relationship with an older woman might be too big of a leap for him at this point in his development. You might wonder, then what was going on for that 5 months? Well, that was fun, fantasy. We don't doubt he's very attracted to you, but taking things to the next level is a whole other matter entirely. Most guys have the impression that women in their mid-thirties are looking for a serious commitment, which will quickly lead to marriage and kids. (Biological clock.) We're not saying that's you, but we're saying, that's what guys think. We don't like to tell people what to do. But from our experience, we doubt this guy is going to "man-up" like you say. He may want to hang out, have a good time, get you in bed, but we're not sure he's going to go the distance. We're not even sure if he's willing to explore going the distance. What do you think? Definitely keep us posted as this progresses and feel free to ask as many other questions as you'd like. ps. Please share our site with friends. Facebook, Twitter, etc. Thanks. We appreciate it. Be on the lookout for our big relaunch, coming in a few weeks. Lots more info and stuff!

• Siobhan 2012-09-30 07:21:38 said:

  Hey guys...I've recently left a job & have got very close to one of the guys I used to work with. I'm 35, he's 26. The age thing didn't bother me as we were just friends at first- but after months of emailing at work, secret lunches in the park and really getting to know each other (he's been really supportive when I've had tough times), we kissed (bigtime) at my leaving party, 2 weeks ago. It felt like we'd been building up to it, so I was sort of elated. I then went on holiday for a week, he said would I call him when I got back. He emailed me whilst I was away- I was like 'ok, this is good' and called him when I got back. I asked him if he fancied a bite to eat out one night. It's all gone wrong since then! He was totally non committal - nice to me, but not jumping at the gun to see me, saying his whole week was tied up with family/friends. I'm thinking 'what's happened....?' so I text him to say that's cool, I understood, but perhaps I had misread things between us (and that I felt a little stupid). No response...I popped by work on Friday for a colleagues leaving party and saw him. He was all smiley, happy & literally bursting at the seams to chat to me. Didn't want to let me go. I was chatty, but a little cool as you can imagine. What do I do now?! I'm a confident, attractive woman & I understand that that could intimidate him...but after 5 months of building 'something' with me I also feel that he needs to man up a little, and talk to me. I sort of feel like there's nothing more I can do- I want a guy who's dying to see me, not bumbling along! I have feelings for him on the other hand too though, and wonder maybe if he just needs space & is freaked out at the thought of taking the next step. Any thoughts much appreciated...do I wait, or move on? Thanks guys :)

• One of the Guys 2012-09-24 19:48:52 said:

  @Lynn.....You need to let him take all the initiative from now on. His words don't mean much if he's not backing them up with action. Not sure what his deal is, but we wouldn't wait around for him. You gave him as big a green light as a guy could want and he's done nothing. His loss. (If he has a girlfriend, then he shouldn't be saying he is interested.) Our advice would be to move on. We're sniffing a player. Thoughts?

• Lynn 2012-09-24 19:00:32 said:

  Hi guys, Ive been flirting with a guy at work... We work at the gym.....he asked me to workout with him and so I did for a few weeks. Then one time I texted him thank you and he replied I was a sweat heart... I texted back 'you wouldn't think I was a sweat heart if you knew what I was thinking when your standing over me while doing chest presses'.. He asked 'what'. I said ' its x rated and not text worthy', so he replied ' I guess you'll have to show me'. I said ' I think we would have slot of fun'. He texted 'agreed'... After a few days and more flirting I asked him in person, if we were just flirting at work or if he'd like to hangout sometime.. He said he did and I said ok, it's up to you now. He said ' oh, so the balls in my court'. It's been a month and he's not asked me to do anything outside of work... He still fliers and I've stopped working out with him because he doesn't ask me to... He doesn't call or text me, but if I text him he always answered right away. I'm confused, should I just assume he's just not that into me. I've never asked him if he has a girlfriend.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-19 17:21:25 said:

  @Vanessa......We understand. This is exactly why we're not fans of FWB. Most of the time, someone—usually the woman—develops feelings beyond just sex after a time. That's when the confusion starts. (Check out our video on the topic on our video page at theguysperspective.com ) Two and half years is a long time to be having sex without any sort of conversation about an actual relationship. And the longer this goes without a conversation the less incentive he'll have to make a change and take your relationship to the next level. And if things continue the way they are you're probably going to start getting more and more frustrated and confused, and possibly resentful. The way we see it, he's getting all his needs met. He gets to have you, and then he gets to have the rest of his life. It's all compartmentalized, nice and neat. But what are you getting? Sure, maybe a good time now and then, but it's clear you want more. Are you worried that he'll freak out if you tell him what you want? Well if he does, wouldn't that be your answer right there? That he's not on the same page as you. The cuddling is nice but here are some signs he's really into you. 1. He takes you out to dinner, the movies, wherever and pays. 2. He buys you presents occasionally. 3. He wants the world to see you. Introduces you to all his friends and family. 4. He wants to spend just as much time outside of the bedroom as in. 5. He talks about a future with you. 6. He wants to be exclusive. (Actually says those words) 7. He wants you to be his girlfriend. (Says those words) There are more but you get the picture. Otherwise he doesn't view you as more than someone he enjoys being physical with. We think you deserve the whole package. What do you think? What do you think your plan is? We're happy to weigh in as this continues to develop. Ask as many follow up questions as you'd like. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Share our website on Facebook and Twitter. We appreciate it!

• Vanessa 2012-09-19 16:59:56 said:

  Hey guys, got a little but of a situation here I have been talking to this guy for a little over 2 1/2 years. We met through his mom, i actually use to work with her and she knew i was going through some problems with my ex and kind of put it in the air that i would be a great friend for her son that we should start to talk. So eventually my ex and i broke it off. Then she thought it would be the perfect time for us to start talking, because he was also getting off a long relationship ( which was his daughters mom) So we start to talk, text. Eventually after a week we met up he invited me over to his house watched a game. I didnt think much of it or if we were going to become FWB. So after i met him i think it was a week or so then we had sex, then thats when i thoguht to myself that he could just be my FWB which we never really talked about or anything but whenever we needed it we would call each other and this has been going on since. The thing is when this happens we always cuddle, or talk.. watch movies and just hang out. Hes told me he likes me plenty of times and says hes not having sex with anyone else but me. He invited me to a bbq where all his family would be at which i went pretty much hung out and talked to his mom because i hadnt seen her in so long. The entire time i was there seemed like he was shy to talk to me or was problably a little worried i was there well anyways he had other friends there which he was talking to. I left early i just felt a little awkward. Well since then we still hang out and talk and the sex continues. He asked me to spend the night a few times which i have done. We've never really talked about our feeling towards eachother just the he likes me, and thats pretty much about it. Im guessing he knows how i feel about him because he continues to cuddle with me kiss me and just hung me anytime he sees me. Not sure if i should tell him how i feel, im just nervous if i tell him our relationship will end or i wont get a response back. Hes told me plenty of times that his daughters mom is still trying to get back with him but he is done with her. Not sure what he really wants out of this? I sure wasnt hoping to start feeling like this for him but I guess within time and all the attention he has given me that feeling started to grow. I guess i can continue doing what im doing but i dont want these feelings to get even stronger.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-10 22:12:14 said:

  @Melisa........Do you have a question? You need to fill us in on more details. Are you going out with him? What's the deal?

• Melisa 2012-09-10 21:50:19 said:

  I've been talking to this guy for almost two years and I've not yet met his family or his friends.The only people who have met me are his coworkers and the only people who has met him on my side are my kids and Aunt which he treats them like his own.I'm in love with this man and i've told him over and over.i feel like I should let him go.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-05 08:27:09 said:

  @Bridget......We think you've answered your own question already, but if it's confirmation you need then we'll give it to you. Here's how we see it. He's attracted to you. He enjoyed spending time with you, but something is holding him back from wanting anything more with you. The age gap is a good guess. Some guys are funny about that. The two of you really are at different stages of life, and while that may not be as big a deal to you—it rarely is for the younger person— he may be giving that more weight than you. We think the best thing to do is file this away as a nice compliment to you, but also something you may never completely get the answer to. Feel free to ask us another question. ps. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• Bridget 2012-09-04 22:57:33 said:

  Hi, Guys! I was just wondering if you could give me your opinion on my situation. I got to know one of my coworkers for approx. 2 months before leaving. There was quite a bit of flirting at first, and then he played hot and cold. Right before I left, it started up again. He would speak to me more, go on breaks with me, get close to me physically and brush up against me, and even paid for my lunches several times. I also believe that I let him know I liked him often enough by proposing we do things outside of work (to which he said agreed but never tried to make definite plans). I also often told him he looked nice, etc. Now that I'm gone, he will text me first sometimes but he never has bothered asking me out. I asked him again one last time, saying we should go out "sometime", and his reply was really ambiguous. I asked him to clarify, and he never did. I let it go because I didn't want to appear needy (or more needy, I feel like I've made a fool of myself!). I'm just wondering if he likes me at all or if I just imagined that there was a spark between us. The only thing that keeps me wondering is that there is a pretty large age gap between us (I'm in my early 20s and he is in his mid-30s) and I wonder if that's what has stopped him from pursuing me. Thanks for your input!

• One of the Guys 2012-08-03 04:38:19 said:

  @Rebecca......Well, at least it sounds like he's trying to be honest with you. But he's got some work to do to get himself together. No use getting dragged along with him. Thanks for letting us know. Good luck and keep in touch. Let us know if we can help with anything in the future.

• Rebecca 2012-08-03 00:45:48 said:

  Update. I heard from the next day, and told he where I was at and what I felt like I wanted and could handle. This was Monday late afternoon. Things went from cold to hot. We went out for dinner both Tuesday and Wednesday. I cooked dinner at house Thursday, and stayed, Friday we meet for dinner we out with some of his friends, and again I stayed. We were work up to he's ex yelling his name from his living room. she apparently still had a key. she lived with him for about 2 years and had moved out in november. he was completely ticked and threatened to call the police and told her that she was trespassing. She leaves, I got up and left. trying not to analyze the situation to much I moved on with the things that I had to deal with in my own life, picking my child up from her fathers... it is completely obvious that there is more to them then I was made aware of. He sent me an email Monday at work. the message said: Good morning, I hope your trip went well. I have never felt so out of control in all my life. You are incredible n you certainly deserve more than what I am giving. I need to get myself together and I don't expect you to wait around for me. I think I need to only focus God and my kids for now. You are awesome, oh well. It would never work with me being in the state of mind that I in and I would rather get myself together and hopefully try again then to lose you do to my mess. So confused but that will end soon. I don't respond, I see a reason to. The message was clear to me that he doesn't want a relationship now, and clearly it's best for both of us to stay away, he needs to deal with him, and I want more, we are in much different places. Week, he is not done, he then calls me at work, I take the not knowing it was him, he wanted to know why I did not respond to his message, the only thing I have him was that I did feel that I had anything to say, he goes on trying to explain himself to me, I let talk. I just said that I understood, and I wished him the best and I hope he gets himself together. So, that's not enough, I come to work Tuesday, and got yet another email, this one says: I just wanted you to know that being responsible and getting myself together before I invole anyone else in my life sucks. I miss my Becca. Trying to hang in there in keep telling myself that will pay off in the end. Sorry, just ignore me. Of course I did just that, I had no intentions on talking to this guy at this point.

• One of the Guys 2012-07-31 06:25:01 said:

  @Cari....Well, if he wants kids AND he's a good guy, AND he knows you don't want more kids yourself, that might be factoring into his indecisiveness. Or at least his slow, plodding advances.

• Cari 2012-07-30 21:23:09 said:

  The family thing wad why my initial reaction when he asked if I would date someone his age was "no". I know he wants kids, or rather is most upset over his last g/f b/c she had an abortion w/o his knowledge. My reasoning was his age will most likely want kids and I don't want any more of my own. But yes, I agree that a wait and see attitude is best. He's a good friend and I enjoy his company but I'm also very okay with just enjoying singledom for a bit longer. Thank you!

• One of the Guys 2012-07-30 17:34:30 said:

  @Cari.....This is just one of those situations that you're just going to have to wait and see. But if you think he's not sure how you feel since you don't remember much of that night, then it might be time to take some initiative and invite him to do something. Now we're thinking dinner, or a night out, rather than a family thing so you can be together just the two of you. One last thought: We feel like we have to say this. Your age difference may be causing him to pause. If he's interested in his own family he might be wondering how this is going to work, especially if he's not quite ready to settle down but he's thinking about it a little. (We're not trying to fast forward this, but just trying to let you know what he might be thinking.) We're sure he's very attracted to you, but he's possibly thinking about 5-15 years down the road and how this will play out. Guys still lean towards dating women that are younger, but that's changing, albeit slowly.

• Cari 2012-07-30 14:00:21 said:

  Thanks for the quick reply, Guys. To answer your questions, he's 30 and I'm 39. I agree - I would get concerned about the whole pulling away thing also except I'm wondering if it happened b/c he thought I didn't remember much/anything which I understand can be a blow to a man's ego. He's not so much pulling away anymore as starting to come back around I guess. But, outside of the other night talking all night (which could have turned into a sex thing instead) there simply hasn't been another chance at that. Doing something else together is a good idea. I've invited him to go kayaking but he was working the night before. We've done barbecues at his house, my house, the beach, the ball game, but nothing much more than that. As for being neighbors, he'll be moving soon to another part of town to be closer to work and school so that's really a non-issue. I'm just really not sure if I'm reading too much into everything or if this is one of those situations where I'm better off not really worrying about it much, hard as that may be. Again, thank you!

• One of the Guys 2012-07-30 04:21:02 said:

  @Cari....Thanks for your nice words about our work here. And thanks for the interesting story. We wish we could match yours with a long an interesting answer, but we'll keep it relatively short. We agree with you: Let this ride for a bit longer and see what happens. A few thoughts: We don't think he's that intimidated by you or he wouldn't be talking to you in the first place. (And definitely not trying to have sex with you or knocking on your door at 1am.) Also, if he's really interested in you beyond a booty call, you're indecisiveness isn't going to deter him. (Unless he's got no confidence, which doesn't seem the case.) Finally, is it too forward for you to invite him over for dinner one night? Or if that's too much, an outing with you and your son on the weekend? Ice cream or something mellow like that? (Since he's already spent some time with him.) You'll be able to see him in a different capacity and help you gauge his interest in another way. Question: How old are the two of you? You say he's younger, but what are your ages? We ask because if he's a guy in his 20s he's coming from a different place than a guy in his 30s. Our guess is he's around 29-31 and you're 34-36. Are we way off? Finally, we get mildly concerned when a guy changes his behavior after having sex. Or shall we say, pulls back after having sex. It sounds like he has. Or has there not been another opportunity? Also, being his neighbor makes this a bit more complicated because if something doesn't work out you still have to see each other every day. (Okay, this was longer than we thought.) Thoughts?

• Cari 2012-07-29 23:39:59 said:

  Hi Guys, Love your site! Your insight and answers are refreshing so I thought I'd write my dilemma to you and see what you think. My neighbor - Mark - and I have become pretty good friends since I moved in last year. He was dating someone at the time but they broke up back in September and he hasn't seriously dated anyone since. My divorce was final in October and I haven't dated anyone since. I have an elementary school age child. Mark doesn't have kids and he's also several years younger than me. He and I didn't really talk a whole lot until around Christmas. Since then we catch up on weekends, usually talking for a couple of hours when we both happen to be outside doing something. He works nights so usually isn't up when I'm home from work, hence only speaking on the weekends. In May we went to a ball game together (but not as a date) and he was incredibly sweet - held doors, paid for almost everything, introduced me to a friend who works there, was great with my son, and walked awfully close like brushing up against my side time after time even when no one was nearby. A week or so later I hung out with him, his best friend and a friend of theirs playing cards and having a few beers and BBQ. Mark had gone on a date that evening but was back fairly early. The next weekend he came over and point blank asked if anything was going on with his friend because there was lots of flirting going on. I said no because the friend has a girlfriend he was fighting with (which is why he was at Mark's house) and that makes him off-limits in my mind. He then told me he wasn't going to see the woman he'd gone on a date with that evening anymore. Somewhere in this conversation he asked if I would date a younger man. My first (blurted out) reaction was "no", and then I said it would really depend on the person, which is true. The next two weeks he waited outside when he got home from work and waved or struck up a quick conversation right before I left for work. In June I took my son on vacation for a week. The day we returned Mark was so happy we were back, said it was great to have me back and when I mentioned I wanted to go to the beach, he said he was going and invited us to go along. That night he and I had a few too many drinks together and ended up having sex. Unfortunately, as happens with drinking too much, I didn't remember a whole lot of the night and also unfortunately, he found out that I didn't. That lead to a very uncomfortable following weekend of not really talking and no more morning hellos. On the Fourth he was with a group of friends and my son wanted to stay with him while I got ready to go watch the fireworks. I told son it was up to Mark who said that was fine. Before I knew it they had left to see the fireworks without Mark's friends and without myself or my friends. We did finally meet up but I was a little upset that he had simply left with my son. He told me a couple of weekends later that he'd done it to give me a little time alone with my friends (I rarely have a babysitter and son's dad only sees him for a few hours every 3 months or so so I'm always "on" as mom). I thought that was incredibly sweet and told him in a message later - should have done it right then but I was a little stunned by the gesture and he was heading out to work when he mentioned it. I hadn't seen him a lot since then until Friday night. He knocked on my door around 1 AM (I was up listening to music and he heard it) and we ended up talking until 9 AM. At one point I let my hair down and he said almost to himself "model hair" then said I have thick hair when I asked him what he'd said. I feel incredibly comfortable around him. I'm always amazed to come in after talking to him and realize it's been 2 or 3 hours or more because it never seems that long. Usually he initiates the conversations and often talks a lot about what's going on in his life, but like in all good conversations we share about both of our lives. He remembers things I've said that I wouldn't expect someone to remember and asks my opinion about things, often taking my advise I find out later. I'm just confused if I'm reading more into his behavior than is there. Some of my guy friends tell me not to read too much in to it, that he probably just wants a booty call though he hasn't made any moves in that direction since that one night, but others tell me these are the same things they would do for a woman if they wanted to date her. I've also been told A LOT, by both men and women, that I'm intimidating because I'm smart and as one friend puts it, "ruthlessly honest". I think there's more here than just friends but I also think I've probably led him to believe that I'm not interested and that one night was...oops! I'd never have sex with someone I'm not interested in or very attracted to though. He says often he's not ready for a relationship yet and also that he can't wait to work a different shift so he can go out more. My gut feeling is to just let this ride and see what happens. What do you think? Thank you!

• Rebecca 2012-07-22 17:48:38 said:

  I get it, and I agree with you 100% that it has to be all or nothing with me. I don't do mixed messages and hot and cold very well. I also can not see me being ok with being confused and annoyed, so FWB situation isn't working for me either. Now, what I must deside,is if I want to spend any more time on him, is he even worth it? Something I will have to deside on prior to hearing from him again. Thank you for getting back with me. Rebecca

• One of the Guys 2012-07-22 17:21:25 said:

  @Rebecca.....So what do you want? That's confusing to us. It seems like you really want a relationship with him, so why don't you just tell him so. If he's serious—and not making excuses about your daughter—then he'll step up to the plate. If he's not, then he'll keep coming and going when he's lonely or horny or both, and keep sending you mixed messages. We think for your emotional well-being it's either all or nothing. Tell him where you stand. (He should understand since he has kids that you don't have time to waste on some confusing situation.) And then ask him where he stands. If he keeps giving you the run around, we suggest moving on, and ask him to stop calling. And then don't give in. BUT......if you really don't mind being in a FWB situation, then don't say anything, but be prepared to be confused and annoyed throughout.

• Rebecca 2012-07-22 16:17:01 said:

  Hey guys it’s me again, just wanted to give you guys an update. I completely stopped making contact with this guy. He continues to make contact with me, and we have been seeing each other on a weekly bases. It became a physical relationship only. 3 weeks ago, after realizing that what this had become, I told him that I could not do this, whatever this was, that there had to be more for me and this is not what I wanted. He said that he understood and the conversation seemed to end nice. I told him face to face, not over the phone, no email, no text, a real conversation about what I thought and how I felt about our relationship. I heard from him a few days later, and said he too wanted more, but wasn't sure about the timing. I told him I understood, but with all due respect to be fair to me I don't want to get myself into something if we were not on the same playing field. He said he understood. He then started calling me a couple times a day and texting throughout the day again. He called one night last week, I was a little weak per say, and allowed him to come over, I know better, but was weak. He tells me the next day that he thought my daughter would have a hard time sharing me and he was not sure if there was room for him in my life. I agreed that a tremendous amount of my free time is from my child being that I was a single mother and father, but I was willing to make room/time for him. I then advised that I would be completely child free this coming week as she was going to see her father for a week. (he is out of state). Even though I had talked to him several times after that he never mentioned anything about this week. I saw him Thursday night, and chatted with him on Friday. Still at this point, I have not contacted him first, I respond to him, but I have let him do the work per say. I feel like the ex is still somewhat around, just not sure to what point. I have been to his house, and have not seen signs of a women there but that doesn’t mean anything. Well, yesterday I thought I would play a little, I knew that he didn’t have his kids this weekend. I went to the mall, and took pics of lingerie and sent him several pics with cute, funny, sexy sayings with each one. And then the last text was I am ready to play how about you? I am on my way . I got a text back 45 mins later that said I am going to my bosses. Nice accessories. I think for a moment I was in shock. That was not the message that I thought I would have got back. But it was. I responded with “really? I got it! Message received. Have fun, I see where this is going… Looks like nowhere”. I know that I will hear from him within the next week, but I really don’t know what to say to him. He wants me, he don’t, he wants me, he don’t. I am sure that he was with his ex, but wow, that response, that feels like complete rejection, and it was. He could have said not a good time right now, let me get back with you later. Like I said I seen him Thursday and he called me twice on Friday. This guy could not confuse me anymore. At first it started off good, turn to nothing but physical, and I feel it time to end it and let it go. So, my question is do I ignore him, or tell him what I think and feel and tell him that I am done with whatever this is. I mean what do you do. As bad as this sounds I would just prefer that I never hear from him again, but I know that I will. But what do I do and say? I know and understand for myself that ultimately I won’t get the relationship I want unless I’m willing to pull the plug on a relationship that isn’t what I really want, not matter how much I might like the guy.

• One of the Guys 2012-07-01 10:06:44 said:

  @Irene.....Well, honestly you have made this pretty difficult on this guy. We're not saying we don't understand. We totally do. Being a single parent is completely consuming, especially to a toddler. (We admire you for being so together.) But he doesn't care about that. He wants to date you. He's attracted to you. He wants to sleep with you. All of the above. Well....he did want to date you, but now wonders if it's really feasible. And since he's still very attracted to you—and now realizes you're attracted to him as well—he sees it as easier just to have you over and have sex. We imagine his decision to not take you to the party is more a matter of effort rather than desire. We don't think he's trying to hide you or anything like that. It's just he'd rather have you for himself. Our suggestion: We advise you strongly to not go that route. This should begin with proper dates, and not turn into a FWB arrangement. But in order to do that you're going to have to make more of an effort. (We know, it might be hard, and so you'll have to decide if it's worth it.) Please feel free to ask us a follow up question/s. Good luck. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• Irene 2012-07-01 02:38:37 said:

  I recently started talking to my coworker on the phone. He gave me his number after I kept flirting with him during working hours. He’s cute and I am attracted so YES I was flirting. Nothing too sleazy just some teasing back and forth. So we talked on the phone periodically over a month, but not so much because I have a toddler that barely lets me go to the bathroom on my own. At first we called each other equally then I stopped calling because I just became too busy with home life. I had explained to him that I was attracted to him, but that I am a newly divorcee, single parent of 2, full time student with a full time job, and my time is VERY limited for dating. We tried to set up a date after 2weeks of talking only outside of work but I had to cancel because of lack of childcare. Meanwhile the conversations at work got friendlier. He became more expressive about his attraction towards me. I can’t lie I enjoy his compliments and attention. However outside of work we had little conversation and NO Contact. He continually asked me to make time for him outside of work, and I would give him tentative dates, but things never came together. He would offer to buy me lunch and I would always decline except one day I was really hungry. LOL Most of the time I’m too busy to take lunch anyway. So generally he seems to be a nice guy. Then I finally make a major SACRIFICE considering my schedule to “hang out” with him. Got the babysitter for a couple of hours and did my school work ahead. We decided to go to his place to chill, talk, and relax after work. I was tired because of all the work I had done that day at planning for the company BBQ the next day. It wasn’t an ideal “date” and I wouldn’t consider it that either. I SETTLED for this date because I didn’t want him to lose interest after waiting so long for a date. He had constantly let me know he was being patient but was beginning to feel like I had a boyfriend, or some secret life, which is not true. Anyway the date goes well. As I had mentioned I am attracted to him. We talked and then kissed HEAVILY and some light touching. The chemistry was off the chain, but we stopped and I left. I didn’t want it to go that fast but he is fine and I am attracted. This time I feel like I could stop it. Next time may be a problem. This happens Wednesday and we plan to hang out again on Friday. I cancel, because I’m afraid I won’t be able to control myself. Saturday evening he calls and gives me the whole, “why don’t you call me thing”. And the whole “I’m patient but you are really starting to push it”. So I explain my current life circumstances and I’m able to reassure him about my interest in him. Then I let him know I might have a small opportunity to meet up with at a party that his motorcycle club was giving. Meeting up with him would mean I would have to drive 45min there and back, plus drop the kids off over my friends. Well it was a chore but I really was looking forward to meeting up with him in public setting. Almost like an official date. Then he says just call him and we would hang out at his house again. I told him twice how interested I was in going to the party, but he made excuses that it wasn’t a good idea because no one was going to be there. Plus he wanted to spend “quality time” with me alone. Well I eventually told him my arrangements fell through so I couldn’t make it out at all. He later sent a text msg say he wished I was there. I have to admit I was EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED that he didn’t want to go this party together. Also I’m no virgin but I want to make sure I maintain my self-respect while I begin to date after my divorce. I’m not interested into rushing into a sexual relationship with this guy who is my coworker in a small company in a small town which carries its own set of conations along with it. I really just want to go out on a date. A real movie and dinner. Did I already go too far? Is the physical thing inevitable? Is there any way I can slow it down without the embarrassment of having the “I want to take things slow” talk? I was actually thinking of asking him out on a date. Is that okay or a big NO GO because he has already made his intentions known that this is mainly a physical thing? What are some of the possible reasons he didn’t want me to come to the party?

• One of the Guys 2012-06-27 16:55:53 said:

  @battlefield........Well, you do realize he's of legal age and you're not. Right? We understand that three years is not that big of a difference in general, but at your age it kind of is. (Watch our video on the topic: Dating older men )Just because you told him you don't want to have sex doesn't mean he's not going to keep asking you. He thinks he can wear you down until you finally give in. That's what guys do. As far as him just being a friend, well, he can't read your mind. You keep trying to get him to say he likes you and wants a relationship with you, but he can't read your mind. We think you should talk to him and tell him what you're thinking. But overall, the fact that he's older than you and you're still in high school makes us a bit wary. Please proceed with caution. ps. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. We'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Also, please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• battlefieldd (: 2012-06-27 14:39:58 said:

  So I met this guy 2 months ago since I work at a clothes store and he works at jack in the box I would go on my lunch breaks sometimes to buy something , and he would always stareat me and smile I thought he was really handsome but I didn't talk to him well one day I was on my way to work and decided to go buy something , I bumped into him and we started talking , he asked me what time I got out of work and I said 8 , he told me he got at 4 we had a little conversation but then I had to go , so I left later that day when I gt out of work I was walking to my house when I heard someone calling , out for me I turned around and it was the guy from jack , I was so nervous I alked towards him and he offered me a ride at first I said no cause I didn't know him but we stayed there talking and it was reallylate , so I took his offered of giving me a ride , then he said if we culd wait atleast 10 minutes cause he was waiting for a friend that called him so he culd pick him up , well his friend never showed up so we left turns out he lived really close to me . Anyways we have been hanging out sine then , he met my parents &, we even went to a concert together this Saturday ! He took me to see espinoza paz :) &&; well were just friends I think even friends with benifits we kiss andd do other things but wee haven't had sex & I DON'T want to ! But I feel like he does i m not sure if that's all he wants I'm a virgin and he knoews that I'm not ready to have sex and I told him but he says he won't do anything that I don't want to , so why Is he saying that he wants to have sex with me after he said he wuldnt do anyting I didn't want to!? I really like him and I don't know if he likes me he says he likes me and he gets jealous when I hang out with my guy friends so I don't get it ? I even told him yesterday "I won't have sex with you after all were just friends" hoping that maybe he would say but I don't wanna be friends anymore I wanna be something more. But he didn't he actually ignored my comment and talked about something else ! :( it makes me really confuse! & I've never had a friend with benifit before his my firsst! & to be honest it makes me feel dirty! Like he doesn't respect me . :c , also I'm leaving town on Monday I'm going to visit my friendss , & ill be gone for a month I told him and he told me not to go to stay with him, but I said I wanted to go and he said "well then let me say goodbye to you on Sunday befor you leave" and I said "well what do you have in mind? What's your goodbye going to be" & he said " hmm you already know what I want" and I was confused but then it hit me he meant sex so i said "No I don't know what you want just tell me" and he said "I wanna be alone in a room with you I wanna have sex with you". :c that really dissapointed me , after all I've told him about not ready to do it he still doesntunderstand :l his jut my friendd why in the world would I have sex with my friend especially lose my virginity whith him! Should I stop talking to him? What should I do? He just wants me for sex right? Oh and btw I'm 17 years old ssoon to be 18 , and his 20 ,! :l pleasee help me out I need advicee ! :'l I don't want to make a mistakee ! Thank youuu<3

• Meeting new people; why don’t guys ask me out? | The Guy's Perspective 2012-06-08 12:10:55 said:

  [...] check out:  Why is he not asking me out?  (There are a lot of comments/questions as [...]

• One of the Guys 2012-06-07 04:15:27 said:

  @Rebecca......Yes, at this point we have to agree with you, it's time to let him do ALL of the initiating. Certainly you should be nice when he calls/texts/emails, but if this relationship is going anywhere it should be up to him to get it started. We still think he may be interested but just not able to do anything about it because he's overwhelmed with his own life. But there's no use waiting around for him to get his act together. You need to get out there and focus on other things, other possibilities. If something happens at some point, great.

• Rebecca 2012-06-07 00:41:41 said:

  Hey guys it's me again with an update. I did contact him to let him know I had a babysitter. I sent him a text on tuesday night he sent 1 back on wednesday but it was not pertaining to the fact that I had a babysitter. he apologize for not responding the last few days but he who that he went down and did not want to bring anyone down with you. I responded back with encouraging words and he responded back with he didn't like the way he was feeling. again I responded back with incouraging words and reminded him that the invitation with still open if he wanted some company. I got a response about 9 o'clock that night saying that he couldn't. I responded back with I understand. the next day in the middle of the afternoon I gotta text saying hi. And then at 1am I got a text that said miss my friend that you. I responded back with you are miss to want to talk? I never heard anything from him so friday I sent him an email to his work just a little inspirational picture thing no words no nothing just a little inspirational email that's all. then finally on tuesday afternoon he calls me. we talked about 10 minutes or so and about everything, we both asked about the kids, our jobs and school. about 2 minutes after we hung the phone up he had replied to your work email. It read, hi gorgeous, how are you? thanks for the inspirational email and thanks for being my friend. I did not respond I'm not sure that I was even supposed to cuz we can I cover all of that when he called. we went from communicating everyday and seen each other about twice a week, to just random acts of communication. I have not attempted to contact him in any form since friday when I sent the inspirational email. I am quite confused, and lack of understanding. If anyone understand this, please give me insight. I feel that my best course of action is to just leave him alone. And be nice if he contacts me. Please tell me what you think.

• One of the Guys 2012-06-03 23:45:39 said:

  @Jessica....You're welcome. Good luck and keep us posted.

• Jessica 2012-06-03 23:37:08 said:

  Thanks guys! You advise helps a lot! I though it may have been too soon but I wanted a guy's opinion. You are great thanks again! It's for the Greensboro Grasshoppers by the way!

• One of the Guys 2012-06-03 21:46:13 said:

  @Jessica........Cool internship. What team? To your question. It's a bit too soon for you to do much. We'd say, just make it as obvious as possible that you'd be open to his advances, without being completely over the top. It sounds like you are probably doing just that. Working together does make it a little bit trickier, but the good news is, this is just a temporary position for both of you. So whether anything happens now or not, the goal should be to form a strong connection so when the internship is over, he'll be able to pursue you without it feeling awkward. But, honestly, we bet something happens before then. Keep us posted as this progresses and feel free to ask another question anytime. .ps. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” You might enjoy it! And let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• Jessica 2012-06-03 20:45:38 said:

  I have been at my job/internship for about a month and I have a crush on one of the guys doing an internship also. He is not full time like me so we only work together on game days, its a minor league baseball team. Anyways, We hit it off talking an chatting the first day on the job. He shares his granola bars when he comes into work and during work we talk an have a good time. We have gone to a bar or two a couple of times and we have hung out at his place for a couple of hours afterwards. We exchanged numbers but we have only texted each other those couple of nights that we went to the bar but it was just to see if the plans were still on. I feel like he likes me and I know I like him I am just wondering what if anything I should do?

• One of the Guys 2012-06-02 09:01:24 said:

  @Lisa........Glad we'd could help. Please keep us posted about this situation. We're interested to see if anything comes of it. Or if something comes of your other dates. We're sending positive thoughts to you. Take care. Please check back if you have another question anytime. Or to read some of the Memoirs on our Relationship Memoirs page. ps. Please consider a small donation to THE GUYS. Use the PayPal button on any page. Take care.

• Lisa 2012-06-01 16:42:38 said:

  You guys are spot on. That's what I was thinking too. I have let this situation distract me from really dating for the last month. I'm setting up a few dates for this weekend. I think I will focus on people who want to date me right now. And I'll let this "friendship" remain in the background. If it is too disappointing I'll just make an effort to keep out of the way, actually I'll just start with that. Thanks for the support!

• One of the Guys 2012-06-01 14:59:04 said:

  @Lisa.......Unless the work connection is still throwing him off. Meaning, he isn't sure how involved he wants to get with a co-worker. Is it possible for you to move on, and at the same time remain open to him? Or is that too difficult for you? Like, be open to new possibilities—truly open—date around, and just be patient and see if anything progresses with him. You're right though, the longer this goes without him actually asking you our, or making a move, the more likely he only sees you as a friend. What do you think?

• Lisa 2012-06-01 14:54:11 said:

  Hey guys, it's me again. I know you told me to be patient with the co-worker. But I'm not very patient. I feel its time to move on. Don't you think if there was a romantic interest he would try to ask me on a date? Given he has already asked me to a happy hour and I said yes? We have had lunch, coffee etc. There is always talk of future hanging out, but it always sounds very casual. I think a guy in his late 40s wouldn't be looking for a buddy. But lately I feel definitely in the friend zone. For example he's mentioned this soccer match. When he does I say how interested I am and would love to go. But he never solidly asks me out on a certain date. It's all very vague invitations. It's not that he's a great catch or anything, but I date a lot and its not often that I find someone whose company I actually enjoy. I don't want to though just sit around hoping for signs. I want someone who will ask me out. He's fairly forward so it makes me feel he doesn't want to take it to that level.

• One of the Guys 2012-06-01 06:41:22 said:

  @Nancy......We're sorry. This is frustrating. Well, maybe it's time to move on from this whole situation. One thought crossed our mind: Is it possible this woman is interested in this guy and was seeing whether or not you were? (We have no idea because we don't know anything about her, but it just struck us. Of course she could be married, etc. ) Anyway, we say it's time to be open to new possibilities. Hang in there. And keep in touch. Feel free to ask another question anytime. Take care.

• Nancy 2012-05-31 22:02:35 said:

  Hi, I'm back. Here's an update on my story...are you ready?....There is nothing to update. Absolutely nothing happened. What was I expecting? How can I be so stupid as to actually think any different would happen? It's been two months and people just don't surprise you. After the two incidents I told you about in the previous post, I worked with the same girl thinking that maybe here is an opportunity for her to talk to me or tell me whatever she needed to tell me since she was asking about me last week. But nope, nothing. The whole night was quiet, she came to visit our unit about 2 times (one time at the beginning of the shift and one time at the end of shift). There were perfect opportunities for her to say whatever she needed to say. The unit was quiet and I was alone. I saw her again today before I went home and had a short conversation with her about her future plans since today is her last day. Again, perfect time for her to say whatever she had to say if she needed. But nothing. So I will not see her again. That's the end of that. I am yet again back to square one when I was just doing so well. I hate this crap.

• One of the Guys 2012-05-30 08:22:35 said:

  @Rebecca.....We understad your quandary. It's hard to keep reaching out with not as much coming back. But sometimes people have different timelines to when they're ready to give. You may have gotten there already, but it's obviously taking him longer. But we don't see any reason why you can't call him and let him know about the babysitter, or text him. You already reached out to him on Sunday. You might as well continue. But we still urge you, at some point, to place the ball in his court. That way you'll really know whether or not he's at all serious. Good luck and keep us posted.

• Rebecca 2012-05-29 17:58:45 said:

  Thanks again for getting back with me, and I understand completely what you're saying. I am sure that saying what I said probably not the best thing to do but on the other hand I don't want to sit around feeling like I am just something to do. Waiting til the next time for him when he doesn't have anything else to fill the empty void and I don't wanna be on a different page and someone else is. I don't want to allow myself to get emotionally involved with a man that's not going to give me back what I'm giving him. So, with that said I took the high road and called him sunday got his voicemail left a message stating that I know how upset he had gotten at lunch when he received a phone call that he received and I just wanted to encourage him that he was a great father and now he's doing a good job. Monday early morning I got a text from you that said thank you for being kind and caring. I struggle with personal issues on a daily basis, my mom meant everything to me, bad timing. I waited til late afternoon and called but got his voicemail did not leave a message. We had mentioned doing something either wednesday or thursday night, we did not set anything in concrete because I was waiting on you the details about the babysitter. Things worked out with the babysitter but now I'm not sure if I should call him and tell him or just leave him alone and let it be.

• One of the Guys 2012-05-28 15:50:24 said:

  @Nancy.......This is either a matter of annoying co-workers who keep trying to set the two of you up without either of your consent, or a change of heart on this guy's end. Either way it's leaning towards the immature side wouldn't you say? Why don't they just come out with it? Why don't you ask them what's going on? Did he ask them to inquire or is this their doing? And if he is interested why can't he just ask you out himself? Does he really need that much assurance before he proceeds forward? If he does it's a bit over the top and somewhat of a red flag. A guy either has the confidence or he doesn't. Sure, office dating is a bit trickier but it sounds like you've made it as obvious as you can that you'd be open to his advances. (Asking you out) So what gives?

• Nancy 2012-05-28 15:40:44 said:

  Hi, I'm back. Some odd things are going on. If you don't remember where I'm coming from, please refresh by reading the posts i made above--this is about the same guy/situation. So about a month after the unit good bye with everyone and picture taking, I was working one night. Another person (female, similar to his position and job description) asked me randomly if I remember so and so. They're in this company where they're training and rotating off. She asked me if I remember him. and I said, "yes." Then she began to tease me and said "So I heard people were trying to hook you guys up." I was so surprised and astounded--I didn't know word would travel to her/his team. I said, "Does everyone there know?" (because they take turns coming here to work for training). She said "No, I'm just good friends with him thats why. He showed me the pictures of you guys and just "matter of factly" told me that was what's happening." I was like "ok..." Then I asked, "So is he married?" and she said no. And then she jumped from her seat and said "So you do like him." With which I responded, "What??? ...I don't know..." And I also told her that I hope he's not going around telling all his co workers that my people were trying to hook us up, and that can be embarrassing. That was the end of that conversation. Then next week, that same girl came up to my co worker (the elderly man who wanted to hook us up--he works days) and asked who was on the schedule to work tonight? He said he didn't know; she asked if he could check, and he checked. He said so and so were working tonight. she asked, "so nancy is not working tonight." and he said "no nancy is not." I have already told my elderly co worker what happened the other day and so he knows and he asked the girl, "do you want her number? so you can talk to her" assuming we're friends. with which she declined and said that was ok. So now, what is going on? I thought he disappeared and he still is but this thing keeps coming up. I'm not really sure what is going on.

• One of the Guys 2012-05-28 07:26:42 said:

  @Rebecca..........Well, we still feel this is very positive. Yes, he might not be quite ready to be in a relationship, but the fact that he's even talking about it with you tells us that he thinks you're different, otherwise why bother? These types of conversations require energy, and if he didn't really care, he wouldn't waste his time on it. But please don't make it harder on him by saying stuff like, "Well, then maybe you should leave me alone." We understand why you might want to say that, but try hard to take a breath before you go down that path. It's a defensive position, and makes you look like you need his reassurance to feel okay. Sure, we all need some sort of reassurance, but right now he can only give what he can give. It might not be quite what you're hoping for, but this could develop into that down the road. If you really like him, give this some time. There are no guarantees of course, but at least you'll have fun along the way. And you know, it may end up turning out to be exactly what you want but without the label. Thoughts?

• Rebecca 2012-05-28 02:49:04 said:

  Sorry, I didn't mean to submit so soon. As I was saying, I did talk to him a little bit the last time we see each other. He made a comment about how he's enjoying the single life and I guess kind of joking he said that it would be great to have a wife who owns her own place and he has his and they live separately. So, I responded back with then why get married? He then proceeds to say because when you love a woman and care about her, you want her to be your wife but not necessarily live with them. this was also within hours is him telling me that he was breaking all his rules and wasn't gonna get involved with anyone for a while. Maybe I should not have said what I did but, hey I am who I am. I didn't ask him if he wants me to back off go away for awhile. he then got a little upset and said so what? You can turn it off that easy? I responded with no I can't just turn it off, but I don't I also don't want to be in your way from going through whatever it is that you're going through. Then another comment about being single was made and I responded with well, if that's how you really feel then maybe you should just leave me alone. I was getting ready to leave anyway and it seem to have ended well he was like give me a call when you get home please. I'm gay call him when I got home and we chatted for about 23 minutes nothin is any significance. that evening around 9 o'clock I sent him a text message telling him that I had a great afternoon and with him and thank you again for lunch. He responded back about 20 minutes later and said I really enjoy your company. we have not spoke since. the next day was my birthday and I did not get a phone call or a text. Not sure I will hear from him again. Only time will tell. Dating is so much harder when you're older and of course with kids.

• Rebecca 2012-05-28 02:20:36 said:

  Thanks for getting back with me. And you answer some of your questions, what I am looking for is committed relationship not necessarily marriage but a relationship. someone that I can communicate with, talk to on a regular basis share my life with. I know and understand that I do not have a lot of time to give someone, I do want companionship. And to answer your other question if I had talked to him, yes I had. and that's where it all comes in a guess you don't change that should say

• One of the Guys 2012-05-27 09:21:37 said:

  @Rebecca.........It doesn't seem like he's playing games with you. From the frequency of your communication, and the fact that he talks about the future—albeit somewhat casually—signal that he's interested in more than just a booty call. But the fact that he's still hanging out with his ex—not necessarily in a sexual way—makes us wonder if maybe he's not be quite ready to commit to anything serious with you. But be patient with this. It's too soon to start worrying. A few questions for you: What do you want exactly? Have you told him how you're feeling? As this progresses—or in order for this to progress—some communication from you needs to start happening. Yes, we like it when the guy initiates, but after a month or so, it's conceivable to have "the talk." (Or at least some kind of talk about where this is headed.) You could always use the excuse of the kids to have the conversation. (Meaning, you don't like to involve your kids if something is just a casual fling.) All in all, this sounds positive. Try to enjoy it and not worry so much. We imagine in the next month or so you will have the answers to your questions. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And keep us posted as this progresses. Also, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page, especially Charlotte Pescale's "Rebecca, a memoir." ps. And let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• Rebecca 2012-05-27 01:28:47 said:

  Need to know, is he just playing games, or want more but is confused? I met this guy at school back in january we talked often and shared our breaks together midway through the quarter he asked me out for drinks after class. we are both adults me in my late thirtiesand hes in his early forties. I gave in went two Weeks later, we went again the next week. this time after we left the restaurant we kiss in the parking lot. I have to say it was 1 of the best kisses I have had. but there was no way I was going to let him know that. we went out for the third time after class for drinks and all was well. I wouldget phone calls or text messages say at 130, 330 am on the weekend, this happened only a few times. we talked about once a week or twice a week or so I'm still a month ago. it was a friday night and we went out in the whole entire night out close down a bar and at 430 in the morning arrived at my house. you can say I have had a bit to drink and was definitely feeling it. He ends up staying the night, and half of the morning. he called that night we can do it again that monday and again back to 2 to 3 times a week. we both work full time go to school full time and have kids. 3 weeks later he comes over again and stays the night. that was on thursday that next monday I stayed at his place then on friday we went out to lunch. I cannot read this guy for the life of me. conversation is always good and he has made several comments like what will we do about the kids if this progresses excetra excetra but yet I don't have him really asking me out. why don't you to lunch on friday he had mentioned that I had a birthday coming up and I say yup it's tomorrow, then he says okay so how am I going to remember this, with a sarcastic smile I respond with why do you have to remember it and he give me that look like you know I have to remember it. but I never heard from him not a phone call not a text nothing. I would also like to add that saturday night after he had spend the night with me on that friday night he was hanging out with friends, and in that group of friends was in a x-girlfriend they broke up about 6 months ago, and apparently they had went to this party together. I also found out that the following weekend she went with him and his kids out to dinner. friday when we met for lunch 1 of the first thing he said was here I go breaking all the rules I said I wasn't gonna date anyone for a while I was gonna steer clear of the women. and then along came to you. so, my question is, is this only playing games or what is up with him?

• One of the Guys 2012-05-26 11:21:20 said:

  @June.......Well, it certainly seems like there is mutual attraction here, at least a physical one. But is there an emotional connection? Does he want to see you beyond the bedroom? Has he asked you out on a proper date, or only when he's horny? These are questions you need to ask yourself. Kissing you all over could mean he's way into you, but it could also mean he's very horny and that's the way he likes to do things in bed. What he does AFTER his orgasm will tell you much more about what he wants than how he behaves BEFORE. You should read the Introduction and the Entire First Chapter of Charlotte Pescale's, "Rebecca, a Memoir" on our Relationship Memoirs page. It might help shed some light on a few things. Let us know your thoughts and feel free to ask us a follow up question or questions. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks.

• June 2012-05-25 21:21:13 said:

  Hi. I need to know something... I met a guy on a datingsite and had a nice talk. We spent a whole evening together. When I walked with him to the trainstation and we were gonna say goodbye, he just did something unexpected.. He just kissed me fast on my lips..(??) I have to say I got very surprised, cause it was totally unexpected.. Why did he do that.....? We kept in touch on facebook and one evening I felt a deep desire and i invited him over for a movie and cake.. we had a great time.. He ended up sleeping over and we had sex.. he barely kissed my lips.. but he just did it this time too... I just let him.. he turns me on so I didn't really mind hehe... The sex was so good I got emotional, and it was hard to hide it from him.. I was kinda confused when he left that morning.. 3 days later I saw he put out a new contact announce on the website we met... I felt dissapointed and sad.. I left a bitter comment on some compliment he gave to another woman... and then I deleted him from my facebook.. I did not contact him, eccept from when I got a strange text with a hidden number, I thought it was him joking with me.. He denied it when he called me up.. and so some days later I just texted him about some work I had done and I was in a better mood.. he just said what is going on.. o well... a month passed, and he send me a text.. ask me how it goes and stuff.. I have missed the sex so I said I get horny everytime I think of us in bed.. that really turned him on.. he went all crazy.. was nagin a lot about me to come over, but i was buizzy.. it seemed almost like he was mad about my rejection.. but my mate said he probably was frustrated.. i ended up inviting my lover over.. and he drove for an hour to get to me in the middle of the night.. we talked and he corresed my arm... we got into bed and ha was more agressive touching me than last time.. i like to tease a little so i kept him a bit away from me to see how strong he is and such childish stuff for fun... it was nice.. then he started with his hand down my underwear and he just kissed me.. again very unexpected.. luckily for im it turns me on.. but it is kind of strange... and he kept on kissing me for minutes... just touchin me.. is he into me? He kissed me so long I had to move my face away.. and then he found my lips again.. kept on sticking his tongue inside my mouth.. gently but like he had decided.. I donno why I like it.. when he does that.. guess it makes me feel feminine.. and if we start out havin a little sex laying side by side, he will soon end up on top of me.. but then he don't kiss me much, grabs my but and starts to break his way through me like he is gonna go through my stumack or something.. I often have to say it hurts.. seems he get carried away.. but this morning i made him force me a little and i was so horny he didn't have to be careful.. i loved it... but is it healthy...? i am confused.... i told him i was seing someone... he said it made him mad and jelous...at first.. then he twited it all to say the other man would be mad at me... ehrm...? we had coffe in the sun.. and when he was gonna leave, we laughed about some jokes.. and then he took a kiss.. we laughed a little more and he took one more kiss... it hurts.. we act like a couple... is he into me? i need to know what u think... thank u so much..

• One of the Guys 2012-05-24 14:07:43 said:

  @Lisa....You're welcome.

• Lisa 2012-05-24 13:23:29 said:

  Thanks guys!

• One of the Guys 2012-05-23 22:41:19 said:

  @Lisa.....Sounds like a date to us, especially since he offered to pay everywhere you went. Just keep being patient with this. And keep letting him take the initiative. Hopefully he's feeling the same way you are. Good luck!

• Lisa 2012-05-23 17:08:49 said:

  Hey guys, I'm following up here from my post above. So last week he asked me if I wanted to get drinks after work. It was just the two of us and he insisted on paying everywhere we went (given I don't know what this is I definitely tried to pay at times). As mentioned before we have already made out once. This time nothing happened. I didn't really want it to in a way because although I might want to date him I definitely don't want to be a booty call. I hugged him at the end of the evening. Was this a date? I can't tell if he wants to be friends or still interested. Also learned he's new in town and doesn't have a lot of friends and also was dumped by a serious gf.

• One of the Guys 2012-05-18 04:25:15 said:

  @Cheryl.......Interesting. Well, it seems you're doing everything you can to make it obvious, even suggesting a movie sometime. He doesn't sound like a player. Or as you say, a Playa. A player would ask you out, try and sleep with you and then kind of ignore you. A Playa wouldn't have a conscious, and would be more concerned with the "trophy" and not worry so much about the repercussions. So he's either Gun Shy or Not Interested. Could you be so bold as to invite him to dinner at your place? It could be a good idea and it could backfire, but you'd certainly get a better sense of where you stand with him. Hmm....what about some sort of investigative work? Could you find more out about his status? We're assuming he's not married, but is he actually single? The thing is Cheryl, some guys don't want to mix work and their personal lives. But typically, if a guy is really into a woman, he'd take the risk and go for it anyway. Feel free to ask us a follow up question and keep us posted as this progresses. You might enjoy our "Relationship Memoirs" page. Some really good female guest writers on there. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• Cheryl 2012-05-18 00:22:56 said:

  Hi Guys, What a universal situation! I've never entertained the idea of dating someone from work, but suddenly, after 4 handful of years at the same job, joila, there he is. I'm the, "nice girl that appears to have everything under control." He's the smooth, handsome, and super nice guy in another department. In the span of a couple months, we've exchanged a slew of texts, instant messaging, and phone conversations. We go to lunch and breaks, and he finds ways to do the split second hands on my hips, shoulders, and my back.I love that! We banter like crazy, but I'm still waiting for him to ask me out...AND he shakes my hand (shakes my hand?!) at least on a couple occasions. Yes, I've been so bold as to suggest, "hey, we should go see a movie sometime." He drove to my home (first time to my home!) to bring me lunch while I was out a day from work...and ummm, am I missing something? Mixed messages, no night date, and daily conversations/banter are muddling which conclusion I should draw. Playa, or just extremely Gun Shy?

• One of the Guys 2012-05-15 14:39:53 said:

  @Lisa......You're welcome. Good luck. Keep us posted as things progress. And feel free to ask us a follow up question, or some other question anytime. And check out our Videos page, and our "Relationship Memoirs" page. Some good stuff on there. Thanks.

• Lisa 2012-05-15 14:13:13 said:

  Hey guys thanks so much for your response. I will tell my friends:). Your advice makes sense. I'll see how things play out a little longer and try to be more flirty and responsive when he does bring up doing things together (currently I tend to freeze up at those moments).

• One of the Guys 2012-05-15 07:08:13 said:

  @Lisa......Well, maybe he's confident with his work, but not so much with women? Hmm.......you know work situations can be tricky. It's possible he doesn't want to cause any sort of issue at work, or, if you are younger than him, he doesn't want to expose himself to some sort of issue with harassment. We're not saying you're planning on doing this, but we're just trying to figure out why he might not be asking you out, besides that he's not interested. Why don't you give him a little more time. And the next time he says something like, "I'd love to do that or would totally join you" you flirt back and say, "Well, what are you waiting for?" But be coy and flirty. See what happens. All you can do is make it obvious that you're open to his advances. But if he doesn't do anything about it, then it's time to move on. Don't take the initiative. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page for some interesting writing from some talented guest writers.

• Lisa 2012-05-14 23:08:31 said:

  Oh can I ask too? So I think I have a crush on my co worker too. I thought he was flirting with me. We made plans to hang out in a group setting and ended up making out all night (hung out a bit the next day too). Since then he's still very nice to me. He asked me out to drinks once but had to cancel. He comes by all the time to chat with me and is still flirty. And when I mention stuff I do he always says things like oh I'd love to do that or would totally join you sometime. But he isn't asking me out so I'm not sure of his actual interest. By the way he's older and not actually very good looking. Normally not my type, but I enjoy his company and think about him a lot. Should I just give up and assume if he was interested he would have stepped up? He generally seems confident.

• One of the Guys 2012-05-13 22:41:59 said:

  @Judy.......Interesting. So what's your question? Let us know.

• Judy 2012-05-13 21:02:44 said:

  I started a new job a month ago, and from the get-go, my boss, who is very young (half my age) and married, has been flirting with me, relentlessly, and everyone in the office sees/knows it. I see the grin on their faces and a lot of whispering, too. I haven't done anything to engender his "advances" and I dress very conservatively. He walks past my office, which has a glass window, a hundred times and looks at me (I can see in the corner of my eye), and he says "hi Judy" and doesn't say hi to anybody else. It's Judy this and Judy that. I'm embarrassed. His flirting is obviously a big compliment to me because I'm what one would call a "cougar". I look pretty good for my age, as people always tell me they can't believe how old I am. He sent me an email telling me that if someone in the office was giving me problems, to let him know and that he would resolve it. I emailed back and said I was actually going to submit my letter of resignation because in fact I felt that my skills weren't being utilized and I fear losing those skills. He emailed me back and pleaded with me not to leave, that he was happy to have me there. The following morning (Friday), he called the office and from what I heard the receptionist saying, it was him and he was asking her if I was in. She told him I was standing right in front of her. He told me he wanted me to be happy, and then asked me to make a call and to call him back on his cell phone. There is definitely a lot of sexual tension between us, and I'm doing everything in my power not to play into it. After all, where could it go. I'm twice his age, and he's married.

• One of the Guys 2012-04-12 17:27:17 said:

  @Nancy.........We're sorry this has been so confusing. But at this point it seems you have to take him at his word. He had every opportunity to ask you out and he didn't, so we can think of three possible reasons why. 1. He has someone back home and just never mentioned it to anyone at work. 2. He's not interested in you as more than a friend. 3. He's gay. It's hard to say which one it is since we don't know him or the situation. But we can say that you absolutely did not get played. Getting played connotes an obvious attempt at deception and it doesn't feel like he overtly tried to deceive you. He just was a bit flirty. It's also possible he was flirty at the beginning but then decided he didn't want to take it a step further and backed off. We can understand your confusion though. Take care of yourself. Please keep us posted and keep in touch. Ask another question any time.

• Nancy 2012-04-12 16:27:11 said:

  Hi, so I have an update that I hope you can help me understand and see what the situation really was. The last night shift he worked at my department was quite uneventful. Definitely less joking, flirting, or being there altogether. He slept for most of the beginning of the shift; came by to my department later that night and spoke to me and my co workers, telling them that tonight was his last night. Everyone talked about his future plans, joked, and laughed about some things. He said he was excited about his future transfer. Then he disappeared for the rest of the night and came back to say good bye to our department before he left for good. Someone suggested we take pictures so everyone took pictures. The elder workers kept suggesting that he and I take one by ourselves and so we did. Then everyone took individual pictures with him; he was like a celebrity. During the picture taking festivity, a co worker mentioned how he was not taking pictures with his cell phone and asked did he not want to remember us--with which he responded that he just left his contact information for the other elder worker and she can send him these pictures. After the pictures, we took turns giving him hugs--I hesitated but then gave him a shoulder hug. Then as he packed up and got ready to leave, an elder worker (the one who's been trying to hook us up) frantically asked him in front of everyone there, "so are you married???" he responded "no, i am not." then the old man said, "well find yourself a nice girl, etc, etc." with which he responded "ok, i will." then the old man said, "i can hook you up with someone here if you'd like" (his last attempt at trying to hook us up and the guy knows this) and the guy responded, "i'm going to find someone back home." I was obviously nudging the old man to stop his nonsense the whole time this awkward conversation was taking place because everyone there knew where this was going. This old man who asked him these questions was the same man the guy asked about me by my ethnicity. The old man was sure he liked me. Then he walked towards the exit and out the door while i sat back down and proceeded to distract myself with another conversation trying hard to fight back some very strong emotions (anger/sadness/don't even know what i'm supposed to feel). So, did I just get played? Did we all just got fooled? Bc everyone (elders) all seriously thought something good was going to go down. Did he say that because he freaked out? Or is he telling the truth? So he never meant anything from the very beginning? What was the point of all that? Did I imagine all this? Was there something, anything between us? Did he feel the same way? WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

• One of the Guys 2012-04-04 19:59:59 said:

  @Nancy.....Just trust your gut. And let us know what happens. All the best.

• Nancy 2012-04-04 17:47:12 said:

  You're right, i found that odd too. He does know my name and has called me by name before (like once/twice but mostly it's like "hey...")...however, at the beginning he did not catch my name as fast as I thought someone who's interested would--if you know what I mean (one of the mixed signals). He is of another ethnicity from my own...it's possible that in his ethnicity/culture, the people prefer their own? Also he did mention that he's only been in the US working for a couple of years. If that were the case, my question would be--why all this flirting in the first place? It's not like he couldn't tell I was very different from him from the beginning. Hmm..I'll try what you suggested and let you know how the last meeting turns out.

• One of the Guys 2012-04-03 21:46:22 said:

  @Nancy.......From everything you describe it seems he's really into you. Two things stood out for us from your description. When you say he inquired about you by your ethnicity. This seemed a bit odd. Does he not know your name? Or is he of different ethnicity? It is possible this has something to do with him not asking you out? (We're just wondering aloud.) The other possible issue is his future transfer out of state. It's possible he doesn't want to start any type of relationship since he knows he'll be leaving. But having said all of that, maybe you need to make it more obvious to him that if he asked you out you'd be open to it. We don't think you should go so far as asking him out, but it's okay to drop some hints and let him know you'll say yes if he asks you out. Joke around. Maybe the next time he mentions a movie say something like, "So when are you taking me to a movie?" Or some other banter. Good luck. And keep us posted.

• Nancy 2012-04-03 20:02:33 said:

  Hey guys, I have a similar situation; I really hope you guys respond. I met this guy a work who comes to our department every so often--from two weeks to five months in between visits. He's been there for a about a total of 9 times, 7 of which times I was there to see him. The very first time we met each other, my co workers all suggested to him out of the blue that he should take me out. We were just talking and introducing ourselves casually and this suggestion by our co workers, I guess, caused us to pay attention to each other. My co-workers did this twice, once at the beginning of the shift and once at the end. After the suggestion from our co workers at the beginning of the shift, it did not create any awkward moments, I thought the shift went on normally. Then he disappeared for two weeks, and came back for a second time. This second time, a co worker of mine wanted to talk to him "alone" and asked if he was dating anyone. I did not tell her to do this but later she told me that he is not dating anyone and is not looking to date. However, I felt that he was flirting with me after this. He would go looking for me to ask about very trivial things, borrow my pen, and then wanting to give my pen back, ask questions about my family, and disclosing personal information about himself. My shift is night shift, and although he could have gone to sleep he chose to stick around to talk to me. This is very unusual as other people who come to our department do not do this but remain strictly professional and go to sleep. He offered me candy and cracked a lot of jokes and teased me. Five months passed from that second meeting and I meet him again the third time. This third time I came to work with some emergent departmental issues that we had to work together to resolve immediately. After that, I was kind of aloof (I mean i haven't seen him for 5 months) with which he responded by consistently coming back to my department to ask if everything was ok (with the department). He then made a comment about why I'm not talking to him, "You don't want to talk to me?" I responded with, "what? what do you mean?" he replied, "what do i mean?..." On a particular busy night, he was concern if I haven't eaten and returned to give me 2 protein bars when I said I can't eat right now. At the end of a busy shift, he would comment that I had done a good job and tried to give me a hug which turned out to be a shoulder thing because I'm sitting. He would suggest to me a movie and when he returned the following week, he would inquire whether I had watched it. I would mention that i haven't been somewhere, but he wouldn't offer to take me but just told me I should go. he commented he liked my hair. Sometimes he would stop by at the end of shift to say bye, sometimes he'd come to see me one last time but won't say bye. Another co worker of mine told me he had stopped by our department when I wasn't there to ask if I had worked last night but he didn't ask for me by my name but by my ethincity. On the second to last time he worked with me, he didn't stick around in my department as much but went to sleep (he can). He's giving me mixed signals, and hasn't asked me out, asked for my number, email, or wanted to add me on fb, or anything about keeping in touch in the future. I do recall him making a joke about wanting to remember me with which I responded that he was planning on disappearing and he didn't say anything about my comment. All these things span over a period of 7-8 months. He only has one more shift left at our department in the near future and I'm beginning to not really expect anything. However, a co worker of mine did ask him about his future and he is to transfer to another state in May for work. Does this guy like me? He should at least want to keep in touch if he does like me, right? or add me on facebook? Or is he just being friendly to me??

• One of the Guys 2011-09-24 16:42:56 said:

  @Helen......Thanks for following up. It sounds like it's best to move on. Feel free to ask another question anytime. All the best.

• Helen 2011-09-24 08:34:34 said:

  Hi guys, thank you for your reply! Well, it's all clean now - 2 weeks after he kissed me (not having asked me out once during the 2 weeks), he asked to have a "chat" with me. He said that he felt like a dick for behaving the way he did - ignoring our "little Friday"and pretendin it never happened. When I asked him why he did that he said he was worried about the complications of dating someone at work. He also casually asked me out - "if you want to get together after work sometime, let's do it." I later sent him an email making it very clear to him that I was happy for him to ask me out, but only if he really wanted to. He replied saying he's always avoided relationships at work and that even though he liked me a lot, he couldn't "take a risk". And that was that! It annoys me that whenever we talk about work (I'm working on a project with him right now)he still tries his best to put on the charm. And when he found out I was going to participate in a race in the countryside later this year and camp there afterwards he registered himself both in the race and the camping. Anyway, I'm moving on. Thanks again for you feedback!