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Script of Video:
Online dating began long before computers. It began at a time when the printed word ruled the media landscape, where a cloud meant rain and the net was a tool used to catch things. But back then online dating was called: The Personal Ads.
The personals were mostly found in an isolated back section of the newspaper clearly demarcated from the paper’s more journalistic endeavors. The personals WERE used by a few brave souls, but were mostly fodder for humorous discussion with friends at a bar, wondering aloud who these brave souls were, and why they were desperate enough to respond to a personal ad, or even worse, post one themselves.
However, the concept of the personal ad was solid, and with the advent of the net, Online Dating was created to replace the awkward experience of the personals. Today Online dating is universally accepted, used by millions of people worldwide, all hoping to find what they are looking for: Some sort of connection. However, not everyone has a successful experience with online dating.
Some blame surely belongs to the actual institution. And there will always be stalkers and predators manipulating and taking advantage of the system for their own gains. But part of the problem clearly lies with the normal every day user.
Too many people quickly throw together a profile that doesn’t help their cause. The pictures aren’t flattering, the description is flat, and the whole composite is poorly constructed. The key is to differentiate yourself. This is your dating resume. This is your one chance to pique someone’s interest. You gotta really go for it!
Here are some tips to help you set up a profile that will attract those paramours you so desire.
Step 1: It’s all about the photo. And by photo we mean just you. Not you with your dog, or pet gerbil, or even your kids. Your profile picture needs to give people a sense of you. For the guys out there, it’s not a bad idea to shave and put on a clean shirt. No hats, and definitely not sunglasses. For the ladies, find a picture that represents you in a flattering light. Sexy is okay, but even better, something demure that suggests that what’s underneath is sexy. And please be honest! Don’t put up a photo of you twenty years ago. Remember, the goal is to move beyond the screen to an actual Face-to-Face. At some point you will meet this other person. And if you look different from your online picture that clearly sends a message that you can’t be trusted. Not a great start.
One final note: Make sure the picture is actually you.
Step 2: Write a fun, unique description. This is very difficult for most people. It’s hard to say great things about yourself without sounding conceited. But this is the second most important piece of the profile.
Here are some tips for writing a great description:
Stay Positive- Don’t say all things you don’t want about a person. Describe what you DO want in a partner. (Check out our videos on How to write a great profile. Part 2 and Part 3 of our Online Dating series.)
Create a Personality- Be you. Be unique. We want to know about you specifically. Don’t make it generic.
Make it fun- No one wants to date a stiff.
Be inviting- This means, just make it easy for someone to want to contact you. Don’t scare them away!
Make it Short -Be as economical as you can. We want to know about you quickly. If we like what we read we’ll want the longer version later!
Don’t give more info than is needed. If you don’t really care about religion or politics, then don’t list your religion or political party. Remember, it’s all about being inviting, so why limit your potential suitors?
Check out Part 2 and 3 of our online dating series. Coming this week!
@LisaSue.....What are you afraid of? That he will end your arrangement? That he will say he's not ever going to marry you, but still wants sex? What? Fill us in so we can get a better understanding of your situation. Is this one of your former husband's friends? Or just a neighbor?
5yrs Friends With Benefits Or can Ever be MoreI was buddies w my divorced hubby of 23yrs He than took deathly Ill I started Keeping company i guess Friends w Benefits with the Man across the street Billy... My hubby advised be careful while having sexual encounters with this Man He seems likehe has too many issues & will hurt you.Billy sleeps over here n there but doesnt take me anywhere asks what I want in the future.I am embarrassed if I tel him i want to Love & Be Loved hewill run away & be scared of me . Do I just keep it to myself i'd like him to be in my future I feel funny that he will feel uncomfy if I say that hemay not feel the samewayHe always makes fun of me by saying I am going to marry you oneday (ha Ha)He must think that is funny I don't WE also dont see ea other for days at a time He only commmunicates via text I want more because I know that caring works both ways I think he is scared of me too but can't admit his tru feelings he may ot feel strongly or be inLove I Any advice I constantly think of him Should i say something next time before sex or just wait till after when he seems more comfy I feel very uncomfy saying anything but should i bother
@Zariah........Before you do anything ask yourself if you're sure of what you're doing. The thing is, you should make the decision whether or not you want to be with your significant other based ONLY on that relationship. Ask yourself: Are you happy or not? Are you satisfied or not? Do you see a future together or not? Your decision to leave your current boyfriend should have NOTHING to do with this new person. Because who knows what will happen with that. You might already be planning for the future but you've only just met. Who knows? It may be wonderful, it may turn out to be different than what you expected. That's why you should make decisions based solely on what you have currently, not future plans. Does this make sense?
So I felled in love with someone who I consider a close friend What separates us from each other is that I'm in a relationship that I no longer want apart of. I just don't know how to tell my significant other that's its over.
@Zariah......It means that he thinks you're very attractive, possibly the most attractive girl he's met. But since it's only been three days, it's probably not based on anything deeper than that. What do you think? ps. Check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” You might enjoy it! And let your friends know about us. Thanks!
If a man that tells you he loves you within three days and says he never felt this way towards any girl before means?
Hello, well my situation is that the dude I have fallen for have been friends for almost three years now and now he is telling me about this other girl. When me and him became friends I was in a relationship and I valued my relationship until my boyfriend started to cheat. My friend was ready for the relationship but I wasn't. He is a big part of my life but now since tables have turn I don't know what to do. He say he wants me to be apart of his life no matter what the situation may be but I would want to hurt hurt the female he is trying to persue. I can be friends but all the extra have to go to the dumpster so my feelings won't be hurt at the end.
@Maggie......Thanks for your question. You seem like a cool girl. And isn't it so ironic, the minute you feel invested in someone, you all of a sudden don't know how to behave/act? We suggest one thing, and one thing only: Be yourself. We know, cliche, but it's true. Obviously he's into you because the two of you have common interests and you're fun to hang out with. AND he's attracted to you. So you got it all going for you. Just keep doing what you're doing. The thing is, if you second guess every move you make, it will begin to feel artificial for both you and him. He'll sense it, and then wonder why he isn't as into you. What does this look like? Well, it means, that if you feel really strongly about someone, at some point you have to be honest and tell them. We're not suggesting you do that yet, but you certainly can hint around it. This might help you gauge where he's at too. His situation certainly complicates matters and he's probably overwhelmed with that. So far you've been supportive and easy so he's happy to be with you. Sure, relationships, never stay free and easy forever, but for the time being keep having fun, and just be who you are. You're not going to be perfect. And if he demands that then he's not the right guy for you anyway. Your thoughts? Keep us posted as this progresses. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” And let your friends know about us. Thanks!
Hey, I've liked this guy in work since I started working there about 8 months ago. Talked to him through Facebook for a few months. Got his number on the 01.04.12. We get on great! He's a bit of comic geek nerd, and like that kinda stuff to, so its all good. We were getting all flirty, and he told me one night that he isnt in the position to commit to anything, as his ex controls the time he spends with there baby, so we'd have to keep it quite. She comes down every weekend so he can she his little one. I'm fine with that, I understand. Started meeting up a month ago, and we have sex, which is fine with me, cause I find it really difficult to be affectionate and I know nothing about relationships. He texts me every single day, get on great like! Basicly, I'm starting to feel insecure, and I dont want to feel that way, cause I enjoy meeting up and having fun. As a result in me being insecure, I'm feeling nervous around him, and I'm scared about what I say to him. Should I tell him how I'm feeling? Or would that freak him out. And do you have any tips for getting over my insecurities, being afraid to be affectionate him a guy? I think I'm to independent! Cant find the middle ground between FWB and relationships. Thanks, Maggie.
@Kaylee.......Will a guy make you happy? Well certainly a guy who you actually like will make you happy, but not just any guy. Some guys will make you miserable. Of course the key to happiness comes from you, but you know that. As far as this particular guy, see if you can move this from staring to talking. Be casual. Do you have some excuse to talk with this guy? Is there a way to approach him and be funny? If he's shy this will help break the ice. But no you can't ask him to make out with you, if that's what you're asking. That will happen naturally or it won't. Good luck.
Whoops. I made some word mistakes. Hi, well for a while now I've really wanted a guys company. I go to a all girls school(from a certain grade), and it sucks. I really want a guy to have fun with and just make me happy. There's this guy who's the same age as me, but a grade younger, and I've noticed him looking at me,but he recently just got out of a relationship, do you think he's interested in me? And all I want it to have fun, not like that but just a guy to have fun with and maybe make out or something. Will this make me happy? And how should I ask him for this?
Hi, well for a while now I've really wanted a guys company. I go to a all girls school, and it sucks. I really want a guy to have fun with and just make me happy. There's this guy who's the same age as me, but a grade younger, and I've noticed him looking at me,but he recently just got out of a relationship, do you think he's interested in me? And all I want it to have fun, not like that but just a guy to have fun with and maybe make out or something. Will this make me happen? And how should I ask him for this?
@Janelle......Trust your gut. But remember, it's not her, it's him. She's not in a relationship with you he is. So if there's something going on it's on him. Because if he's cheating, he'll cheat with whomever is available. So why don't you see each other that much? That might be a good place to start. If you're really together it's only logical that the two of you would want to be together a lot. If neither of you care about this that much, maybe this relationship is something you're both not sure about. Some things to think about. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question.
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a while. We broke up for a while and recently got back together. We use to go everywhere and do everything. Now we hardly see each other. He loves the bar, which I have no problem with. My problem is the female bartender who he tends to flirt with. He claims she knows that he is in a relationship, but i beg to believe different. She constantly takes pics with just him togther which looks like they are the ones in a relationship. He went on a ski trip with her and some friends and now is taking another trip with them to a resort. Am i thinking to much of this, or is something seriously going on. I was never the jealous type but this just seems off especially since we hardly hang out. We make plans and then when I say im not sure what I want to do, without notice he goes and does something eles. I feel like im not crazy and im not losing my mind.
@Jessica......So what do you want? If you're happy with the current arrangement then there's no need to make a change. But we're assuming since you ask the question that you'd like this to develop into something more. He's showing some signs of being more serious. (Asking you if you're sleeping with other guys. Although this could be for curiosity sake.) Why don't you ask him? See where his head's at. If he says he only wants a FWB arrangement then you'll have the info you need to make an informed decision. Should you run? It's up to you. We would never call anyone dumb, but typically these types of arrangements don't develop into something serious. (Watch our video on the topic of Friends with Benefits for more info.) Good luck and feel free to ask us a follow up question.
Ok me and mike have been having sex for 6 months. At first it was just sex, no getting to know each other. Now it's I stay over, we cuddle and talk after we have sex. Also we talk (text) during week sometimes. If Im busy and can't meet up with him, he's still consistent and will keep asking when can we meet up. He asks if I sleep with other guys...so question is...am I dumb for letting this continue since it's been 6 months and no talk of taking it to next level. I'm 28 and he's 29. Should I run? Even tho the sex is incredible.
@Sam......We're sorry. This is tough. How old are you now? College? First of all, stuff happens, especially when alcohol is involved. Yes, you made a mistake, and one you regret, but don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. So now what? First of all, what do you want to do? Do you really like this guy? Here's the thing. If you pursue the possibility with this guy you'll likely lose a friend. We're not saying you shouldn't pursue him, we're just stating a fact. Your friend doesn't own the rights to this guy. Does she think that he's off limits forever just because she's into him? In some ways she's not being fair to you. She can't hold everyone around her hostage while she pines for this guy. But at the same time guys have an unwritten code about dating their friend's interests. But usually all bets are off when the girl shows no interest. So we think you're good to go. But like we said, that doesn't mean your friend is going to be happy with you, and it's likely your friendship will be over if you take this a step further. Having said all that, if he was really into her it would have been her that he was hanging out with and flirting with. But it was you he chose. Yes, he may have just been looking for some "action" but the fact that he didn't pressure you to have sex is a good sign, and the fact that he's still texting you. (But you'll have to figure out if he's for real.) Step 1: FIgure out if you really want to pursue this guy. Step 2: Apologize to your friend. Explain to her what happened. Step 3: If you do decide to pursue this guy try to explain to her why. Step 4: Brace yourself. Hopefully at some point she'll understand, but it's hard to say. Hope this helps a little. Feel free to ask a follow up question. And keep us posted.
Guys, I didn't really know what comment section to post my question under so I figured here was fine...So my really good friend and my roommate has really been into this one guy ever since high school, but they never dated, just hooked up. She has expressed her feelings about him to me how much she likes him and whatnot on multiple occasions...anyways we were on a trip all of us together plus some other friends and me and her guy really hit it off. He was flirting with me really hardcore and we were hanging out a lot. Well my roommate noticed and she expressed her disapproval to me. I apologized and said I would stop. But I think I really messed up. So long story short...lots of alcohol later, me and this guy ended up kissing and cuddling in bed...and she walked in, we weren't doing anything when she came in. But she was so furious at me and she still won't talk to me. I got up and left in the morning because I didn't know what to do. Also the guy is still texting me, I don't know if he is really in to me or just playing me and my best friend hates me, I am so confused and could really use some advice.
@Anne........There are two possible reasons for his behavior. 1. Once it went beyond flirting—you actually bringing up the topic of kissing—he wasn't comfortable with it. Either because he felt guilty about the fact that he has a girlfriend. Or because he really just likes you as a cool friend, but doesn't want more. 2. He's confused and is trying to sort out what he wants to do. He doesn't want to text back until he's figured it out. Question for you: Were you the one who broke it off with him in high school? If so, maybe he's not sure if you're being serious, or doesn't want to get pulled back in only to get his heart broken again. This is a wait and see situation Anne. Time will tell. But if he doesn't contact soon it's likely he's not interested in being more than friends. Keep us posted.
There's this guy, Rick who I dated in high school for a few months but broke it off freshman year. Recently (We are sophmores in college now) we have been hanging out alot more frequently than normal. He has a girlfriend but isn't happy in the relationship. I attend college out of the city so when I come back home, we spend alot of time together. Recently we were hanging out and he was flirting with me but when I said that if I would ever kiss him, I would want to do it without him having a girlfriend, he dropped the issue and we started talking about other things. Now that I am back at school, he won't text back or anything.. What the heck is going on with him?
@Mary.....It seems much of what's going on between the two of you is miscommunication. Long distance relationships are hard because so much of the communication is done via email, Facebook, etc. And those mediums are ripe for misinterpretation and confusion. You need to figure out a way to restore the trust between the two of you. (Both of you do) If he's not into working on doing that it's probably best that you moved on. Good luck.
hey hmm we fall apart cause of our distance he said that he's done with me. it was very heart broken but then i try to move on. month passed and one day on facebook he added me and he commented on my pics and then we have little fight on facebook , i posted a pic of some model and i wrote 'my man' on it and he started saying shit about him he ask me that if he;s my boyfriend i thought i should play a little but he started bringing our issues . after a month he comment on my picture "jeez your pretty" and the next day he messaged me and said 'i miss you' so i thought maybe he's changing so i called him but he hang up on me and after a month he blocked me on facebook !!! i think i still have a feeling for him but i need him so i will appreciate it if you guys will write me back thanks.