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So I started hanging with this girl and we hit it off right away. She was telling me how she really likes me and how she is falling for me and all this great stuff. And I had the same feelings for her and felt the same way. We would talk every day and acted like we were in the process of getting together. One day I went to go meet her parents and it went terribly. Her father refused to speak to me and her mom kept giving me these looks like I did something wrong even though I was respectful and tried to talk to them.
Over the course of the next couple weeks she started acting weird towards me. She said everything was fine when it really wasn’t. Now we are friends and we still hook up every once in a while. She says she cares about me and what not but somehow I feel like she is playing me until she can find a better guy. Or she is just hooking up with me and other guys too. I want to forget her but I can’t because I still have those feelings from when we first starting hanging out. Maybe you guys can help me out, and give me some advice and maybe can help me figure out what she is thinking or what not.
Thanks for your question.
We’re sorry your visit with her parents went so poorly. Do you have any idea why her father wouldn’t speak with you? Obviously he had some preconceived notion of you, and had already decided he didn’t like you even before he met you. So what’s going on with that?
Here are some reasons a father might act that way:
1. You’ve done something in the past to hurt his daughter.
2. He thinks you’re using his daughter, especially for sex.
3. You don’t treat his daughter with respect.
4. He thinks you’re a player, and you’re not serious about his daughter.
5. He thinks you’re not good enough for his daughter. (Class issue. Job issue. Motivation issue. Even looks issue.)
6. He doesn’t like your ethnicity, religion. (We’re not saying this is okay, but if he was not an open-minded person, this could be an issue.)
7. Thinks you can’t provide for your daughter.
8. No one is good enough for his daughter. Period!
9. He’s a mean dude.
Daughters are very connected to their fathers, especially when it comes to prospective mates. She is looking for his approval about the man in her life. Since it’s very obvious he doesn’t like you this puts her in a precarious position. To be with you she has to choose between you and him. This is not the scenario she pictured in her mind when she thought about the man of her dreams, so it’s likely she feels very conflicted about you and the relationship because of this. And this could account for why you think she’s only hooking up with you while she bides her time looking for a more suitable guy who her father will like. (Of course, if he falls under #8, she’ll be searching forever. And if that’s the case you’re lucky to not be the one she chooses. Because ultimately it’s a lot better to be with someone whose family you get along with.)
So have you told her how you feel about her? We mean really told her? Maybe you need to take her out on a proper date, or dates, and start getting to know her on some other levels. Is it possible she thinks you only want her for sex as well?
Also, if she is hooking up with other guys, and you still want to pursue the relationship, you need to differentiate yourself from these other men. We get the sense that you think you might not be good enough for her, when you wonder if she’s looking for someone better. Well maybe she has her own struggle with self-worth, and if you start treating her as more than a hook up she might start responding differently to you. And maybe even her father will too, if he knows you’re in it for the long haul.
Fathers just want their kids to be happy. If he sees that you are a respectable guy that will do whatever it takes to make her happy, he may come around. (Although we won’t lie to you: sometimes these things take years.) As far as your lady friend, start communicating beyond the bedroom. And keep us posted.
ps. Please leave us a follow up comment, or question. Thanks.