Break up confusion; will he come back?

Read More Relationship Advice and Dating Advice from THE GUYS: 

Is he stubborn or just not that into me?

The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

Sex after child

Is he playing me?

Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?

Today’s question:

Dear Guys,

He kept telling me that he wasn’t sure that he was making the right decision and that he was afraid that he might regret this. I didn’t cry, I just kinda remained stoic; and he kept saying, “Don’t act like this. Don’t act like this is not a big deal. This is a big deal. This is not easy for me.” He said that he wants to be everything to me. He said that he wants to be the guy that I want to marry, but he’s just not sure how he feels. Confusing, right?

I guess my question is, is he really unsure or is he trying to make me feel better? Is there any hope that we can get back together? Just some more info, about a month ago, he started telling me that he feels like I’m not in love with him anymore, that something felt off. Nothing was off with me, but I was just going through personal problems. I asked him if he felt that way and was just deflecting, but he said no way. That he knew exactly how he felt for me. And that he was absolutely in love.

What makes a guy be so in love one minute and then just change the next? What the heck happened? Do you think he’ll come back?


Dear LoriAnn,

It’s obvious he cares about you. And he’s probably really bummed that he doesn’t feel sure about you. But to us it seems like he’s deflecting and trying to put it on you. In general, actions speak louder than words, and he’s choosing to break up with you instead of trying to work things out with you. That is a pretty powerful message.

Guys do get scared about commitment, but if they really are into a woman, they keep that fear to themselves or share it with their buds. They don’t usually break up with a woman, saying they’re not sure how they feel. We’re not usually that stupid.

So to answer your question whether or not he will come back, we can’t really answer that, only ask you whether or not you’ll want him back if and when he decides to come back? And do you really want someone who is so unsure about you and the relationship? (We know he said he’s sure, but then why is he breaking up with you? We doubt it’s because he’s unsure whether or not you love him.) And if that truly is the reason, then you might be dealing with someone a bit too insecure for you.

We know you care for this man, but there are men out there who are certain of what they want and willing to work at the relationship in order to have it.

Good luck and keep us posted.


6 Comments on Break up confusion; will he come back?

  1. Jaideamy // July 23, 2016 at 3:05 am //

    Need some advice my boyfriend and I have been broken up for a week now, we’ve been dating for 2 years. he broke up with me the day I passed my driving test and got my liscense a very important day to me and to my life. I was not expecting this break up I did not think it would happen, I did see changes with him towards our relationship over the last 6 months but I just ignored that because he was stressed at work and he was planning to move to a new shop so it would be better, I did help him deal with it as much as I could,he had lied to me about smoking and doing drugs and manipulated my mind to make me believe that what I saw was a lie and then he got caught in the lie. He smashed my makeup out of anger and frustration when we were fighting items that I had sold to people he apologised and begged for me to not leave and even paid me the money of the damages. I still stayed with him because I loved him, now he has told me he doesn’t think he can be in a relationship and he just wants to focus on his job and himself. Except this last week all he has been doing his hanging out with his friends, drinking and doing drugs and he has even planned to meet up with his ex girlfriend to hang out. I have been a complete emotional wreck and I have no idea how to handle this I offered a compromise with him because we were seeing each other every day so I said maybe we could see each other 3-4 days and then you have the rest to yourself, he still didn’t want to try that. I have tried so hard I have begged I have cried and nothing works and now he’s moving away in 6 weeks and doing drugs to deal with our break up. I have no idea how to cope with this I feel alone all the time and I miss him so much and i just want to give it another chance but he is very stubborn and has his mind set and won’t budge, what can I do?? Help please

  2. @Jaideamy….We’re so sorry. We can see how hard this is on you. But we’re going to be honest with you because you need to hear the truth as difficult as that might be. The issue is, your boyfriend does not want to be in a relationship with you. This might feel like a surprise to you, but it’s likely been brewing in him for the last 6 months, since you’ve seen changes with him. He’s already moving on to a new life, and the drugs/drinking is his way of breaking free and letting loose. He knows these behaviors bother you and so he’s going to do them even more. Throw in his ex-girlfriend and you have a guy who is trying to send a clear message. We are sorry. We know that what we’ve said might sound harsh, but honestly, from what you’re telling us, the two of you are not headed in the same direction in life. Over time, you might see this break up in a different light. In the meantime while you’re grieving, surround yourself with good friends and family and allow yourself to grieve. It will help with your healing. Take care. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends.

  3. Jaideamy // July 23, 2016 at 5:54 pm //

    Do you think I should block him on all social media, will it make it easier? And delete all of our photos together? Will he ever realise he’s made a mistake and come back?

  4. @Jaideamy……You do what you need to do in order to heal. We can’t say what the right thing to do is. Every one is different. If it helps you to block him then yes. If not, then no. Will he come back? Hmm…..It’s possible, but be careful with this. Sometimes guys come back for the wrong reason. Sometimes they come back just to get sex and and because they’re lonely, not because they realize they made a mistake.They might say they made a mistake to get in your pants, but most often, it’s not the reason. Hopefully this helps clarify some things. Take care of yourself.

  5. Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend haven’t been together for around a week now after being together for almost a year. We do everything together, always have fun and rarely argue. Last week we were supposed to spend the day together however he cancelled and said he had to do work, I got offended and this turned into him asking for space. He told me he was worried about money and felt he couldn’t treat me the way he wanted to and wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with me as he’d like because of needing to pick up extra work. I tried to reason with him and said I’d support him and help him in any way. I tried to give him the space he asked for but he continued to text me as if nothing was wrong. I then decided to cut things off myself, he seemed genuinely sad and said that it can’t be ruled out for the future, but also said things like te relationship didn’t feel right towards the end – something which I was completely unaware of. I have deleted his number and have removed him from social media. It ended on good terms and I made it clear that I still loved him and would be here if he changed his mind. Am I silly for keeping optimistic about him wanting me back?

  6. @Sophie…..We’re sorry. Breakups are really hard. We hope you’re surrounding yourself with good friends and family. Do we think you’re silly? No, of course not. The thoughts you are having are quite normal to have. You may have broken up with him, but that was more a defensive reaction to his uncertainty. Typically, guys don’t want space because they’re stressed for money. They might tell their girlfriend that they have to cut back on going out, or say they need to work a little more, but they wouldn’t ask for space away from their girl. The real reason is what he said later: That the relationship didn’t feel right at the end. OUr advice: Give yourself some time to grieve. Focus on other aspects of your life. And move on. If he comes back, then you can decide what you want to do at that point. But don’t hold your breath. Last thought: Be aware that guys sometimes come back because they’re lonely or horny. Most often the latter. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks!

1 3 4 5

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.