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THE GUYS
Recent questions:
Is he stubborn or just not that into me?
The Gym Guy: Is he interested?
Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?
Today’s question:
Dear Guys,
He kept telling me that he wasn’t sure that he was making the right decision and that he was afraid that he might regret this. I didn’t cry, I just kinda remained stoic; and he kept saying, “Don’t act like this. Don’t act like this is not a big deal. This is a big deal. This is not easy for me.” He said that he wants to be everything to me. He said that he wants to be the guy that I want to marry, but he’s just not sure how he feels. Confusing, right?
I guess my question is, is he really unsure or is he trying to make me feel better? Is there any hope that we can get back together? Just some more info, about a month ago, he started telling me that he feels like I’m not in love with him anymore, that something felt off. Nothing was off with me, but I was just going through personal problems. I asked him if he felt that way and was just deflecting, but he said no way. That he knew exactly how he felt for me. And that he was absolutely in love.
What makes a guy be so in love one minute and then just change the next? What the heck happened? Do you think he’ll come back?
LoriAnn
Dear LoriAnn,
It’s obvious he cares about you. And he’s probably really bummed that he doesn’t feel sure about you. But to us it seems like he’s deflecting and trying to put it on you. In general, actions speak louder than words, and he’s choosing to break up with you instead of trying to work things out with you. That is a pretty powerful message.
Guys do get scared about commitment, but if they really are into a woman, they keep that fear to themselves or share it with their buds. They don’t usually break up with a woman, saying they’re not sure how they feel. We’re not usually that stupid.
So to answer your question whether or not he will come back, we can’t really answer that, only ask you whether or not you’ll want him back if and when he decides to come back? And do you really want someone who is so unsure about you and the relationship? (We know he said he’s sure, but then why is he breaking up with you? We doubt it’s because he’s unsure whether or not you love him.) And if that truly is the reason, then you might be dealing with someone a bit too insecure for you.
We know you care for this man, but there are men out there who are certain of what they want and willing to work at the relationship in order to have it.
Good luck and keep us posted.
THE GUYS
@Charlie......Sometimes, even when people care about one another and the chemistry is great, it still doesn't work. How does one know? When the relationship becomes enervating instead of energizing. When the fighting outweighs the loving. He sounds like a guy who wishes he could be the guy for you—married, be with your kids, etc.—but a part of him just doesn't want that. And that's why he's hanging out with his young friends. If he's with you he has an insta-family. He might love you and your kids, but something inside of him is saying NO. And that's why you're getting all these mixed-messages. This is one of those situations that just doesn't quite fit. Sorry. That's how we see this. So if this is the case you're better off cutting ties and trying to move on. And not letting your kids get more attached than they already are. Take care and good luck.
@Klc.....Thanks for the update and for sharing your experience and insight. We're happy for you. Take care.
Ok...I am 35, I met this guy....we dated for six months...honeymoon phase over..things got real. I pretty much know why we broke up. We argued a lot and he said I was stressing him out, to put it lightly he was stressing me too. Lost weight and everything. But I really loved him, the problem was 1) he wanted to be young again...he is 33. Meaning hanging with his friends every chance he got...mind you they were in the age range of 24-26. 2) he said I didn't want him to do anything. Not gonna lie....I was tired of all the bs that was going on, but I'm an adult, so I am willing to work things out maturely! But when he dumped me....I was crying and begging...something I never have done...don't know what came over me. Forward...two weeks to the day of dumping me, he and I are talking...he is texting me ...his words..."I'm over you, let bygones be bygones...move on I have"...my response. Ok, bye. An hour later, I get a text he had been drinking (he is into his feelings and emotions when drinking)...he sends me this long text about why he left me, because I was hard to talk to, that he really wanted to marry me, and wanted to build with me, and I always talk about the past.and he shows up at my house. He says he wanted to know if I forgave him, if I would accept his apology, and if we could be friends. I responded...i accept, I apologize and HELL NO...we couldn't be friends. When I said HELL NO.. He says to me, why, you want to be something more? He kept trying throughout the convo, try to somehow make me remember the "good times"..and telling me he really wasn't over me, and he still loved me, that he missed me. I just couldn't say it back...I don't know..I just didn't want to read to much into it. I didn't know what to believe. Because before this night anything he would say to me was so mean and hateful..it drove me.crazy. Mind you whenever he got drunk...I would get a call or text...and HE is the one talking about or bringing up the past. Crazy.thing is he is attached to MY kids...they still talk..he still does things for.them, still wants to see them. It's just crazy...mind you we just broke up April 30th....lol..it is just confusing....I don't know what to do anymore...but I am sure that I still love him...he told me that I changed his mindset that night...whatever that means. My point is....question should I say...is he playing with me and my emotions...I'm more guarded now...he broke my heart already...can't take another shot at me. I'm getting stronger everyday...but I don't want to play games...can you help me with this one....thanks...
Just and update for everyone. It's been almost 2 months since our break up, and we have not contacted each other at all. No calling, texting... nothing. I know that it's over between us, but I feel so much better without him. I suggest to all my sad people out there to block all communication after a break up. You will feel empowered, stronger, and in control. Life gets rough, but after two months i'm okay. It gave me time to look at our relationship, and now I don't want to be in it anymore. Just remember keep your head up, it was hard at first, but each day is getting better.
@Peyton.....It's hard to answer this question. There's been a lot of drama between the two of you. And sometimes relationships run their course. We get the sense that your relationship has been headed for a breakup for quite a while. Both of you have been not completely sure even though you say you are. So we get the sense that there's something that draws you together and also something that pulls you apart. What that is might be undefined, but it seems to be a pattern. So with that said, we're not sure how this will play out. Likely the two of you will be drawn together only to be pulled apart again. Good luck.
oh and to add on i can see some of the people he texts because i have his cell phone bill thing and everytime we've been in a fight or broken up he talks to this one girl named Becca. Becca is his friend and she used to be my friend and say she loved us together and she always talked to him whenever we would fight one time i saw the conversation and she wasnt on his side or mine but recently she got dumped and the day that my ex started changing his mind i saw that she was texting him. I dont know if this means anything because she mightve just been giving him advice saying do you really wanna get back with her and go through all of this again? IDK. but my mom knows him really well and she thinks he started talking to someone else but the thing is i know all the girls he hangs out with they never hangout with anybody new and all my exes friends used to say tell him how lucky he was because i was better looking then alot of girls they've seen so i dont think its because he found someone better i just dont know what happened how one day he literally was saying how happy he was we were talking again and then the next day he went to school and after school he changed his mind. I do think his friends pursuaded him alot but the last thing he said to me was he wants to be bestfriends and he loves me and always will and wants to stay in touch at all times and i pretty much said if you dont wanna be with me then u dont get any of me and we havent talked since i just wanna know whats going on in his mind right now from a guys perspective
Okay so me and my boyfriend went out for 3 years. He was completely in love with me sometimes i would get annoyed because i felt like he was too obsessed with me. We broke up a couple times and one of those times he slept with another girl and didnt tell me so then we got back. Eventually i found out and i forgave him because in the beginining of our relationship i messed up too. I could never really get over what he did and it would make him so upset to know that i couldnt get over it and it was all his fault a couple times he cried and told me how sorry he was. But he loved me so much and i loved him. Well we were fighting alot so i broke up with him and wouldnt talk to him so he said lets take some time to think. Well he texted me after a few days saying he missed me and loved me and couldnt eat or sleep because all he thought about was me.I told him i felt the same way. So we started talking and were gonna get back then all of a sudden he said he needed to think and didnt know if we should get back. He was hanging with his friends alot and they dont really like us together. So i begged for him back this time and he eventually said he just wants to be bestfriends but i told him if he doesnt wanna be with me then he doesnt get any part of me. He never answered that text and i dropped off his stuff and it was awkward because he was outside with all of his friends and seemed to be having a good time but when he saw me he look shocked and i left and its still been 3 days since we talked. So what do you think is going to happen? Do you think he met someone new and thats why he suddenly changed his mind or do you think that hes just having fun with his friends but eventually he will wanna get back? I just wanna know how long it will be before he texts me.
@Lostandconfusedtoo......This is so hard, especially when you can't pinpoint a specific reason for a breakup. But believe us, he has one, even if he's not completely aware of it. He wants to feel a certain way with a woman, and he doesn't feel that with you. We're really sorry. Still, it's sad for him, because he does realize you're great and wonderful. So what's the take away? Well, let yourself grieve, but understand that you might love this guy but he's not the guy for you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who reciprocates your love, and he's out there. You don't need to do anything. You don't need to change. You don't need to worry about how to be in a relationship. When you meet the right person you'll just be yourself and that will be enough. But it might take some time to get over this. Be patient with yourself. And surround yourself with people who care about you. Every day or week you'll feel just a little better. Hang in there.
@lostandconfused Same exact thing happened to me a few days ago. We dated for a year. He didn't match last year after graduation and had to scramble for an intern postion...luckily it was in the same state but only for 1 year and had to go thru another round of interviews for a secured position. It was a really hard time for me because I had told him that I loved him last within 6 mos of our relationship...I thought he was on the same page as I was from all his affection and he told me a few times drunkenly (I never took him seriously because he was under the influence). I was totally shocked and felt very confused when he told me that he didn't know that we were at that level yet and wasn't sure if he felt the same for me. I freaked out and told him I needed a break. But he came back the next day and told me that it was admirable for me telling him that I loved him. He said that he just felt uncertain about his life, future and happiness. I told him that he needs to make sure that he is happy with himself before he can make anyone else happy. We got back together and I stood by him through his second round of interview process. Because he didn't love me and the possibility of him moving, I started to distance myself from him. I wasn't acting the same as I did before because I was trying to protect myself. Finally, he matched to his specialty and we knew for sure that he didn't have to move. I was feeling really frustrated and started to feel like I hated him for not loving me. Every bad thing that happened between us I kept on blaming it on love – “oh duh, he doesn’t love me.” I built it up for so long and I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him last week. He didn’t say anything, he’s not a good communicator or with expressing his feelings. I texted him that night and asked if he was confused and he wrote me back “I just got off of work and I’m so tired. Please give me time.” He then wrote me an email the next day saying that it was the best way to express himself…He ended up breaking up with me and saying that I deserved more and that I was an amazing girlfriend and made him feel as if he was walking on air during our relationship. I wrote him back and told him that all I wanted was for him to tell me how he feels and that I didn’t want us to break up for this. When we met up to talk face-to-face he told me that I wasn’t the right girl in the end and that we can’t be together. To my surprise, I didn’t cry but he did. He said he felt torn up and that he wanted to throw up. He said that he hasn’t felt anything lately and doesn’t know why we weren’t right for each other, all he knew was that he needed this. I insisted that we shouldn’t give up and work on it but he was unwilling. At the end of our conversation, I felt useless, insecure, confused and weak. I held his hand and looked at him straight in the eye and told him that all I want was for him to be happy and if it takes me out of the picture then so be it. I’ll have to move on. He started to ball and he said, “I’m sorry but I just know that this is right and this is how I feel and I feel terrible doing this to you.” I told him that its okay and I’ll be fine. I knew at that point that I couldn’t do anything to recover the relationship. I think ultimately I wanted him to fight for me and tell me that he loved me but he didn’t. He gave up so there was no sense for me to any willpower. I told myself after that it could just be him - he’s busy, stressed, depressed and not thinking straight but I can’t make him realize that, he had to on his own. I gave him back his key and he just stared at it for 5 minutes and left. I truly care and love him so much but now all I want to do is to hate him and move on fast. I feel used, I feel like I wasn’t ever myself when I was with him, I feel like I can never love another person because it just scares people away. feel like the whole relationship was a lie, he knew that he had me in the bag once I told him that I loved him and just stopped trying after that and then ultimately couldn’t love me at all. I was so confident and secure and now I feel like I don’t even know myself. I just felt like he kept on saying that I was amazing, a good person, etc but he was using my qualities against me and said that I wasn’t right for him? Is that just an excuse? Because of that I don’t even know how to ever be in a relationship at all now.
@Lostandconfused.....Anything is possible. Although, another possibility remains. When people reach a crossroads they often take stock of their life and decide what they want to keep or not. It's not a great sign that he decided to push you away as his life started falling apart. Sure, people do that. He could be ashamed that his career isn't working out the way he wanted it to, and guilty that you still love him anyway. Or he could be unsure how he feels about you, and not want you to invest all this time and energy when he doesn't know how he feels or where he's going. What does your gut tell you?
I was broken up with as well in Feb... I am 28 and my now ex 27. He asked me to live with him when he was starting his new job in residency (about 2 hours away), however, he didn't get the residency (specialty) he wanted and trained for all in medical school. Now, he has unsure where he will be a year from now (he may have to move into a different specialty..). He was all over the place when he broke up with me saying, he loves me but when he doesn't get to be in a good place where he will be happy, he needs to be alone? He was sobbing and to the point where he was going to throw up. We have talked and hung out since than. Just recently I brought up in a friendly way that I like him and he said he feels the same, its just it is all screwed up he said. He said his future is so unclear, where he will be.. and that he can't be in a very serious relationship for at least a year or two. I know we were serious but he was the one asking me to move, planning trips (we went on several and he even told me he had a blast), and we were having fun. I told him a month ago, it is not my goal in life to be married - it is only if I meet the right person. That is the truth but everyday I do get stronger. However, everyday I want to share the funny things that happen or anything in my life that I would normally share with him. I miss my best friend. He even told me I am his and mentioned several times he may be making a mistake but more recently said he is unsure of his future. However, the hardest time during his professional career, I was there for him and he pushed me away. I was so proud of him working so hard for many years and at the moment when he was to celebrate his accomplishment, he could not fake how unhappy he is. I am asking, is it possible for a man to have a nervous breakdown and push everyone that loves them away?
Thank you for your advice and best wishes. I did try to think about it in the way that he was mature but it seemed confusing to me as he wouldn't have stuck around for those months had it been anything else and he wouldn't have asked advice from his friends about the problem. He doesn't usually talk about the problems between us with anyone. And for the few last weeks we had in the relationship he was getting very frustrated and taking it out on me. I don't think he would have had that kind of anger (even after we broke up) had there been another problem.
@Mimi.....Sorry. We know this is hard. But sometimes relationships run their course. This seems to be the case here. Once a couple starts breaking up repeatedly it usually signals the end. Maybe he's just not mature enough to handle a serious relationship. Or maybe the two of you have grown apart. Yes, feelings might be present still but that doesn't mean the two of you are right for each other. We just see a lot more drama in the future if the two of you continue in a relationship. Sorry. Wish we could be more positive and uplifting. Hang in there.
@Christine.....We suspected that he was young and inexperienced since he succumbed to his father's wishes by breaking up with you. Honestly, if he's not mature enough to make his own decisions about his relationships then he's probably not mature enough to handle being in one. And let's say we're wrong and he is mature. Well, then it's possible he's using his father as an excuse to break up with you and he's not really telling you the real reason. Either way, this seems like a lot of drama that you don't need. You're dealing with enough already. (Sorry about that. We hope it turns out okay for your family.)
I knew my bf now my ex for a year now and we started dating for 10 months. We were first fine but then it became a bit rocky for us. My ex he's very picky about truth and about things how we wants it to be. We love one another but he said he is tired of doing the same thing over and over again and that he doesn't want us to be together anymore. I still tried to talk him out of it but it didn't work out; he left me talking by myself. I do understand and I get sad because I want to fix what is wrong between us and try to stop the breaking ups. Because I love him I care about him he's very sensitive. But I feel like sometimes he always blame things at me and is unfair is both of us. I always have to go and see him to try to work things out and it works out. But recently we have broken up like 3 times already in 1 month. And today he broke up with me because I told a friend that we had broken up but I didn't add anymore details. And he got upset because is personal. And I understand but I just want him to stop and try to understand instead of dumping me all the time. I don't know what to do he's really tired and I don't want to message him is only going to stress him more. I'm already stressed out. And if I let him go he won't come back. He has but this time it feels like it is the end. I'm 19 and he's turning 21 soon. I don't know what to do. Please help.
I'm just turned 19 and I was in a three-year relationship before this one. He's 18 and I was his first relationship
@Christine.....Could you tell us how old the two of you are? It will help us answer your question.
Dear Guys, My dad is in a trial at the moment for suspicion of bribery which to be honest is already something though for me to handle. When this happened it appeared on the news and my ex heard about it while we were on a two-week break. He showed his concern and always asked me about it. When we got back together that time, I wasn't going to his house, he always used to come up with excuses but then after a month he told me that his dad was telling him to break-up with me by threatening him to take him off his will and so on. Every day my ex had an argument with his dad and at that point he was fighting for me. 3 months in I realised he was trying to detach himself from me and I was trying to find him solutions of how this could work out. He basically gave in to his dad's pressure and broke up with me. He seemed sad and said 'Don't think this was easy for me' , he also said that if it were for him 'i would still be with you' and that 'it's better this way For Now' and he kept insisting the 'For Now' part. He spent maybe a couple of days talking to me on Chat and kept asking me where I was going and who I was with. He kept telling me that I wasn't talking to him normally and that it seemed as if I had moved on. He called me and we fought about this. A few days later I got kind of tipsy and went outside his house simply to clarify the fact that I didn't move on and that I missed him. The day after this he saw me at a party and he ignored me so I went to confront him and as expected he denied it. He said he felt guilty for leaving me but again 'It's better that we stay like this For Now'. He called me a few days later because he remembered my dad was going to court. The next day he called (it would have been our one year anniversary) accusing me of saying something to someone totally irrelevant to our relationship. I told him it wasn't true, which it wasn't. He kept saying under his breath 'I'm so stupid'. He then asked me where I was and why I thought he was ignoring me. After a few days I made it a point to tell him, in not so many words, that he's trying to put his guilt on me with these false accusations. I told him he's putting his anger on the wrong person and that I'm fed up of thinking about what i should have done because I wasn't at fault. He called to tell me he doesn't know what to say and didn't know what I meant by it all. I'm sure he's been talking to other girls and getting drunk and what not. But I have no idea what to think of his behavior. Do you think he'll come back?
Will I ever be able to move on I don't think I will because we ever I look round the family home his whole life and possessions are here yet he isn't his dumped me his fiance of 5 yrs cause he can't explain y this makes no sense yet he was talking to a younger girl supposed friend for months then all of a sudden he dumps me n gets straight with her yet we were happy unless she text him or he went out n she turned up to a works party it made him off do U think she influenced him dumping me n our boys to have some fun with her
@Keic....We're sorry. Hang in there. This could go either way. Sounds like he really is confused. Although, breaking up isn't something people usually do lightly. Keep us posted. It's too soon to tell.
Also he told me that he wasn't ready to just give it up completely that i was the full package compared to other girls. and that he is just really confused on what to do
My boyfriend and I were dating for 3 years. We broke up after we lived together for 5 months. He lost his job and money was really tight and we were fighting almost everyday. It was getting to the point where we never talked or did anything together anymore. One day we ended up getting in a huge fight and he broke up with me. Then after a few days we talked and he said that he wants to stay broken up but we'll talk in a month and see where we are and that we need this break. So I moved out into my own apartment and he dropped my stuff off at last night and didn't seem to have any interest in talking to me at all. After a month do you think he will come back?
Thanks for getting bk to me i know what ur saying but what he had was something special n altho i still love him i am getting on with my life.i guess i jst wanted to know if people thought i still had a chance or if i shud just move on and forget him thanks again
@sarah.....We're sorry. We know this is hard. But do you really want to build a life with a guy who cheated on you? Sure, you still get along, but that doesn't mean he'll change.
hi me n my fiance split just over a month ago as found out he had cheated on me but for a week he kept saying he loves me n that he wanted to give things another go just needed some time then i found out he was still seein this other girl so i confronted them anyway havent really been in contact alot since he turns up at mne when he feels like still hasnt changed his address for his post and still has few belongings here but wont hurry up and take them.he admitted couple weeks ago that he missed me n still had feelings but wasnt sure if its enough. when he turns up we have a laugh smiling and talking like he still lives here but im really confused he wont conatct me when he is with her as he lives with her because he had nowhere else to go.he has got himself into debt with his car insurance not paying any of his bills since being with her should i give up hope that i will never get him back as that is what it feels like.please help any advice please
@Allie.........We have no idea. You know the situation better than we do. Are you sure the breakup is out of nowhere? Obviously he's been thinking about it for a while.
Guys, My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me a week ago and we haven't spoken since. I texted him once and didn't hear back. We got into a stupid fight and he broke up with me out of nowhere. Should I just give up or give him more time?
@Aminata.......If you stay with him much has to change. There seems to be a serious lack of trust in your relationship. In order for this to work the two of you need to start trying to talk about all of these issues. Possibly with a couple's counselor? That might help. Otherwise, we see this as a long road.
@Erin......We're sorry. Try to hang in there. Breakups are really hard. And what you're going through is what people go through every day. Take care.
My boyfriend of 13mths break up wit me saying he s fed up wit me and my everything... Varieties of men have bein intruding in our relationship nad my bf thinks that i dayed those men wen i dont even know them, people are trying to take my happines from me and at one tym my bf even sed dat his ex s better dan me n she s good at sex, i dont know if ill ever forgive him for that... He doestn respect me neither recognise me and it hurts because i love him very very much... Now wenever these things come up he will call me a liar... Should i get over him or what becaue am tired of every hurt he seems nt to care infact he doesnt care at all... Smh
Well I'm sitting here trying everything to keep busy I just miss him deeply he was my other half and I have moments of hope that I will get over it and it will be fine but then it all comes crashing down when I think of him and everything we had he was a great man that wasn't ready to be a man but I just feel like its not fair to me at times I feel selfish because he is his own person too but all the memories I have are with him and I don't want to move on I can't imagine myself happy with anyone else ever I think of all the little cute things he used to do and think how could he leave it all behind like nothing doesn't he think about me too doesn't he miss me too. I want him to want me again I don't want to do this its hard very hard and it doesn't feel right I wish he would wake up and see what we had together I'm miserable without him.
@Erin....No, you're not annoying. Be confident in yourself. He can think what he wants. But you sound like a smart, introspective, and caring young woman. A catch for the right guy. But once again, focus on yourself. Don't jump into anything to ease the pain. Learn from this. Grow from this. And apply your new knowledge to the next relationship. Take care.
Once again thank you this has been a tough experience and its only been two days I can't eat or sleep ugghhhh I just some how feel like I could have done more but I'm only 21 not everyone gets a great career right away and he did he feels like I'm not up to his level it just freakin hurts to feel like I'm not good enough for him especially early that day before he left me we were fine he was happy so I thought an he loved me :( well I know I'm probably getting super annoying just I really appreciate the support .
@Erin....Once again. We're sorry. It's possible he was also getting some pressure from his family if indeed your backgrounds are very different. But if that's the case, you don't want a guy who is so easily influenced by his parents and others around him. You'll figure it out. Everyone feels lost after a breakup. It's hard to see what life can be like without the other person. Be patient with yourself. It might take time to get over this. Let yourself grieve. That's okay. But then slowly try to focus on doing the things that you love to do, or accomplishing the goals that you have for yourself. In essence, it's a good time to focus on yourself. Hang in there.
Thank you that really helped I just feel kind of lost I have no idea how to start my life since most of my life is starting with him but no that is no more I came from a very poor family and he is wealthy but before while we were in high school he paid for nothing and I don't care because I love him money does not matter to me and sometimes because he helps me with things but I thought this was what significant others are for to help eachother and be there for eachother or was I asking for to much from him he basically just doesn't want that kind of responsibility even though he volunteered it and all this is at least 3 yrs into the relationship after we started living together not right at first that would be crazy idk I just thought if you love someone it doesn't matter but ugghhh it's just a sucky situation because this wasn't puppy love this was a serious relation ship that came to a sad end I'm thankful that I found this blog thank you
@Erin......We're sorry. It sounds like he wants time to do some exploring on his own. Basically he wants to be single. Try to ignore his comments about your career. Those are just excuses. Many relationships run their course. They're not meant to be lifetime relationships even if they feel that way. Your relationship may be one of those. We're sorry. But this kind of thing happens. The best thing you can do is understand that he doesn't love the person you are. He's telling you he's embarrassed of you. Focus on that. Why do you want to be with a guy who doesn't respect you? In the end, you'd grow resentful and angry about that. You deserve someone who loves you the way you love them. And you're right. Your career shouldn't matter at all. If a guy loves you, he'll accept what you do. This guy is not the guy. So focus on that and give yourself time to grieve. Surround yourself with the people who love you, and trust us, day by day this will get easier. Hang in there and keep in touch.
@Erin......He's young. And your relationship sounds very serious. It sounds like he wants time to do some exploring on his own. It's pretty normal. Has he ever been with anyone else? We're really sorry. Give it some time. Give him some space. Let him know you still care about him. And then see what happens. That's about all we can say. Hang in there.
Please help please idk what to do anymore my bf of 5 years broke up with me because he said he was not rdy to take care of someone else he was not rdy to be the man and pay the bills we have been together since high school I'm still in college and he has a great career we lived in an apartment together for 1 year and we've recently decided to move back home to save money I also took a break from school to save money while we are looking for a home. And just now not even 2 weeks after our 5 yr anniversary which we did nothing . He said he wants to break up he said he's been thinking about this for a while now and idk how I'm holding him back he said I'm like a ball and chain but I'm always there for him I may pay for things but I'm a good gf I cook I clean I take care of him and myself as much as I can I even got a crappy job to help out but clearly it's not enough and I am not good enough for him anymore he said he needs more positive in his life but I was always there for him I deeply love this man I know he loves me I just know its really over this time but it sucks and honestly I've never felt pain like it and no medication in the world can fix it and its not like he was having money troubles he just didn't want the responsibility of someone else any more and that hurts because if the situation was switched as long as he was in college trying to better himself I'd.support him for the better of our relationship and to top it all off my career wasn't good enough for him I'm a licensed paramedical esthetician and working on getting my cosmetology license but he said if he ever had a corporate meeting he would be embarrassed of me and that hurt so much because if you love someone it shouldn't matter right as long as I'm doing what makes me happy my heart is just honestly broken and I don't know how to restart my life I know this is a great time for rediscovery and everything but idk how to start Idk how to go from being with someone everyday and talking with them to just not he was my best friend and his family was like my own I lived with then so we were pretty close idk I'm not asking if he will get back with me I'm sure he's not we had a pretty serious talk about it and he's not one to mess around I just think its a little selfish or idk maybe it's me being selfish I just need the advice of someone to help me move on from this seemingly impossible situation please help.
Please help please idk what to do anymore my bf of 5 years broke up with me because he said he was not rdy to take care of someone else he was not rdy to be the man and pay the bills we have been together since high school I'm still in college and he has a great career we lived in an apartment together for 1 year and we've recently decided to move back home to save money I also took a break from school to save money while we are looking f
@Hira.....He wants to come back and have sex with you. Basically he wants to have his cake and eat it too. But we don't think he's serious about a relationship or anything like that.
Hey guys! So i was with this guy, for 5 months, for which he was abroad for 4 and we were together in the same city for 1. Then all of a sudden he broke up with me, saying that he cant handle a relationship anymore. I also heard he went back to his ex. So now, a month after our breaku, he starts texting me and expects me not to be angry or anything. And when i dont reply, he gets angry and goes all 'f*ck this shit' :/ what does he wantttt from me now after a month? Im confused!
@ms14......It sounds like he's moved on. It might be time for you to do the same. He just used your "differences" as an excuse. He wasn't feeling it anymore and so he broke up with you. It feels crappy and probably out of the blue. But he's been thinking about it for some time because that's how breakups work. The person breaking up has been thinking about it for a while. But it's always a surprise to the person being broken up with. We're really sorry. Take care.
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me last Oct and I've been trying to get over him since then but I am still deeply in love with him. He broke up with me over the phone after saying his mind tells him it's going to work and his heart tells him it (the relationship) won't work. After october, he told me he needed a little break to analyze our differences but we don't have any differences. We talked every now. He would call me every now and then until recently,, I just found out from him that he's been seeing other people and that we don't need to talk anymore. Does he just not want to be with me anymore or is he just confused? Im really hurt because I was there for him when he needed support and I did so much for him only for me to find out it would end like this. When I ask him about the differences he's talking about he ignores me and says I should already know. I don't even think he cares about me anymore.
@Dione.......Thank you for your donation. We do appreciate it! He definitely feels pressured by something. Is it your age and the fact that he feels pressured to make up his mind sooner than he'd like? Possibly. Or is he feeling something else, or not feeling something, that he's not telling you? Like another possible issue. Possibly? Is it just the normal feelings that guys have when faced with a lifelong commitment? Possibly. Is it a combination of all of these things? Probably. Why do we think it will take years? Because he's 26. He's already broken up with you once because he freaked out. He's already told you he's worried about having sex with one woman for the rest of his life. (Well, we say, join the club. That's life.) What we see here is a guy who's not ready to embrace commitment and all that comes with it. Right now he's only "seeing" the negatives—at least what he perceives as negatives—he's not seeing all the wonderful aspects of a committed relationship. He's not going to wake up any time soon and have an epiphany. This is going to take a long time for him to understand these things. And the first step for people who see the world in terms of what they won't have, is loss. It might take losing something he cares about for him to wake up and become an adult. So yes, we think he's got years of sorting ahead. Here's what we're worried about: That you start making all sorts of concessions to be with this guy. You already have and now you're poised to make more. (We can wait to get married; we don't have to get married; we don't have to have kids; we can redefine the relationship.) Be careful here. Even if this works and the two of you begin anew, you're going to grow resentful at some point. Just something to think about.
I have been wondering why you think it will take YEARS for him to figure it out. I am not expecting to get married to him in the next 2 tears or so, we have only been dating two years. Is it normal for guys to not be sure at this point? I agree that he is pressured by my age. He mentioned he knew I didn't want to wait around for years for him to make up his mind, and I replied that I wasn't expecting us to immediately get married and also suggested we could re-define the relationship by taking marriage off the table. It was like he was stunned I would be willing to do that and had never considered that possibility. Thanks Guys! Your help has helped me think through things more clearly.
i recently had my ex husband/boyfriend tell me he needed a break. I would always find him on dating sites and leave only for him to come back begging. This past week when he again needed a break I told him I wanted my personal belongings back. He didn't have to see me just leave them in my car. It wasn't long before banging was at my door. I did not answer. When I went outside to retrieve my clothes 5 minutes later he was banging on the door. I opened it and it was him and he forced his way in. He started looking around my place as if there were a guy there. In an attempt to make him leave I grabbed him by the tie and arm and ripped his shirt, finally as he was leaving HE SPIT IN MY FACE! I was just giving him what he wanted to be left alone but apparently he needed to feel in control and there must be hatred in what he did. I have filed a complaint with the police who called him and told him to stay away. Now, HE'S MAD? I don't get any of this at all. Thoughts anyone? I'm in alot of pain right now.
I totally agree. I am the one who has sacrificed the most during our relationship. I didn't hesitate because I had no doubts I wanted to be with him. I think his doubts come more from his own issues than issues with me, the little stuff he told me was on his mind were not major issues and did not add up to a break-up. One thing he told me was he was having a hard time imagining having sex with the same person the rest of his life. I think that is a reflection that he has issues with being in a more serious relationship, not just me. Our sex life was the best and most satisfying either of us had ever had. I know we really love each other, but I don't think he is ready for the next level of commitment. While we have been living away from each other, he had the best of both worlds, a great girl and total freedom. He sees me moving to him as a threat to that freedom and he isn't sure if he is willing to sacrifice that for a girl, as great as she may be.
@Dione.....Thanks. That helps. Our gut tells us he's just as confused as before and that this is going to take a long time for him to figure out. (Years) There's probably some gnawing doubt going on inside him about your relationship or you. It's very possible it's about the age difference—but we're just guessing— in the sense that he knows you're not going to want to waste years on a guy who's not 100% sure about a relationship. And he knows inside that he's probably not ready for that type of commitment right now. FYI: Some guys don't care about age, but many ultimately want to marry someone the same age or younger. (We know you know this, but we thought we'd put it out there anyway.) On the one hand he doesn't want to lose you, on the other hand he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Basically, we don't see this resolving itself any time soon. You've already sacrificed a lot to be with this guy and he's done little sacrificing himself. We're not saying you should completely bail on the relationship, but relocating your life to be with a guy who's wishy washy at best is not a good idea. And that's not even taking into consideration the lingering feelings of resentment and confusion and anger you probably have towards him. There's a lot to think about here Dione. We can't give you a definitive answer as to what to do, but hopefully this gives you a better sense of what's going on inside his head. He needs to start doing much more to show you he's ALL IN. Don't you think? Thoughts?
I am 33, he is 26. I think he is in the quarter life crisis where he is going to have to grow up after he graduates in a month..
@Dione......We understand the situation. And we're sorry this has happened. Before we answer we'd like to know your ages. You said he's seven years younger than you, but how old is he/you? Then we'll get back to you.
Dear Guys, I stumbled across your site searching for some understanding. I have been in a 2 year long distance relationship. We met in the summer and instantly fell deeply in love. I tried to find meaningful work near him, (he is a masters student and 7 years younger than me) and when that didn't work out we decided I should continue working, sell my house and save money to move in the future. My house did sell the following summer and I went back on the job hunt, to no avail. So this year I rented a room from friends and saved enough to live a year without working, so I could do something part time and still support myself. I insisted on having my own place and paying my own bills. We have both been very excited that we would be living in the same area in about 6 months, that was untill three days ago. While visiting him, he sat me down with tears in his eyes and told me he wasn't ready to be married or have kids. He did not think it was fair that I would leave everything to be with him and he wasn't ready to move closer to me so he didn't see how the relationship could continue if not twords marriage. He is very stressed about completing his final semester of corses and doesn't know where he is going to end up and doesn't know where that leaves me. I was completley shocked. He had never mentioned any of this to me or told me he had any doubts. Although I was crushed, I thanked him for letting me know now, collected my belongings and wished him well. I went home, cried and was in shock for a day. That same night I received an e-mail from him. He said he had done a terrible thing and all the pressure was self imposed. He was freaking out about the future and didn't talk to me about it, which was wrong. He begged forgiveness ans asked if I would still consider moving so we could see how the relationship would progress living near each other with no expectations other than to live day to day and see what the future holds. I waited a day to e-mail back and another day to call him. That was today. He was very sorry and explained how his thought process got so twisted and we talked about stuff that had bothered him from the past (ours and previous relationships). I told him I understood that he is under pressure in many aspects and although I was very hurt, I could forgive his little "freak out" and took him back. Well, that didn't feel as good as I hoped it would. I do love him and want to be with him, but I called him back and told him that I needed more time to understand why we broke up before I can contemplate a future with him. He was understanding and told me to take all the time I needed, and nothing has to be decided anytime soon. Is this something that could or should be saved? He has NEVER disrespected me or lied to me but I feel so betrayed. It wasn't even 24 hours before he told me he wanted me back but the damage was done. Is it best to give us both time to see what we would be missing? I don't know if this will be a one time "freak out" or an honest show of immaturity from a man who does not want to settle down.
@AS.....The time frame is what you're comfortable with. It sounds like you're going to grow resentful if it continues to drag on, but time will tell on that. Just see how this goes for the next month and keep us posted. Remember, people are different. This isn't necessarily a guy thing. He's a person who's different than you. But we agree, it shouldn't go on indefinitely.
Thanks so much for the quick response. I guess what I don't understand is why you would need time if you think you have found the right one. I dont believe he is going to do anything crazy or out of character /anything detrimental to us, I just don't understand why the need for space. I'm definitely not a clingy person and I have never pressured or asked him for anything except given him the ultimatum back when he was still with his ex. Everything has always been initiated by him, so I assumed he was comfortable with the pace. As for myself and for women in general, when you think you've found the right guy, space is the last thing you need, which is why this is confusing. I don't resent him at all, I've told him that I respect his decision and he should take the time and focus on himself and doing things he likes, I've also not given him a time parameter but in my mind I would say anything more than a few weeks to a month seems like overkill, especially if you're interested and devoted to someone. What is your take on this? Is there any way to get email alerts when you respond? Thanks again guys, much appreciated!
@AS....Do exactly what you're doing. It sounds legit to us. He does need to time to himself and it's better this realization is happening now, then two years from now, or ten years from now. We know this is hard, but give him his space. If he's serious about you we suspect he'll be back sooner than you think. Just try not to be resentful. Otherwise when he does come back, you might have a hard time accepting him with open arms. Good luck. Any other questions?
Dear guys, My boyfriend and I started dating 3 months ago right after he ended a 2 year long relationship. We have known each other for 7 years and have always been friends and share the same inner circle. While he was still with his ex we talked and texted all the time, but we always had boundaries and I respected his relationship, but it quickly became apparent why we were always talking to eachother. One night we got drunk together and he professed his feelings for me, and I told him that whether or not I felt the same was irrelevant and not something we should discuss while he lived with another girl. He told me he wanted to pursue what we had and he subsequently broke it off with his live-in girlfriend 3 weeks after the conversation to prove his sincerity. We started seeing each other immediately after she moved out of his apartment and spent almost every day together. We have absolutely the best time together where we can laugh and play but also an intellectual and passionate connection, and a great love life. Both our families know about our relationship and we have met each other’s parents on numerous occasions before, and everyone gets along. My sister is married to his best friend, and a lot of our mutual friends are in couples, so naturally they were excited for us and started treating us like a couple a week into dating eachother. We even went on a holiday a month into seeing eachother, and we have another vacation planned and booked in May with 4 friends. During conversations about our relationship's progress has expressed a desire to move in together and settle down and that this is for the long haul. I have had my doubts whether it was moving too soon and I’ve told him before that I like to take things easy instead of rushing in, and he agreed, but because of all the ties and our friends always arranging things and events we never actually got to take it slow, it’s been a whirlwind. Personally, as much as I know that he is in love with me, I was also worried that he was emotionally unstable jumping from a relationship to another basically overnight. This idea came to materialize a couple of days ago. For a few days he had been very closed off and not his usual happy and talkative self so when I asked him what was bothering him, he told me he is in love with me and afraid that everything has moved too quickly and that jumping from one relationship into another might have been premature. He is completely over his ex so she is not the issue, its moreso the fact that he never had the time to just be himself and find himself again after their breakup, and that he is afraid he is bringing emotional baggage into our relationship because of it. As much as I know he is right, it bothers me that this is coming 3 months into it. He told me he wants a future with me and wants to be there 100% for me, but he needs a little time to figure his own life out and feel like himself again before we go all the way and commit to each other wholeheartedly. He assured me that this is just for short while to make sure that all ties to his past are severed so that he can go all in, and he wants us to keep contact during the process. Should I worry that he needs to some time off from our relationship to help us be stronger in the future? Does this even sound legitimate or just a bad excuse? I’m extremely hurt but I’ve agreed to giving him some space. He’s texted me since to tell me how grateful he is that I understand and that he isn’t doing this to hurt me, but to help us become better together in the long run. He has always been very honest about everything so I believe the time is necessary for him, but I'm not sure about what my position should be. Im sorry this is lengthy, I hope you can give me some advice on how to proceed.
@Alyce.....We're sorry. There's nothing you can do. He has to want to come back. If he doesn't, it won't matter what you do. You're just going to have to see how this plays out.
Hey guys, I right now very confused about what will happen or what is going on. This guy and I had been dating awhile, he had told me that he never loved anyone the way he loved me. He brought me into his sons life and his family's. The past month though we have been arguing a lot. Last weekend he told me he needed time to think and be alone. I freaked out and kept trying to talk to him (what I am not supposed to do I know). This last weekend he broke up with me, telling me he was burned out from all of the arguing and said he was giving up with the all the fighting. He said he did not want to not care about me anymore and that he would still talk to me, just not everyday. He also said that depending on how we were we could hang out every once in awhile. He came into my work Monday and would not say two words to me. I texted him and asked if he still loved me and he said "I feel it". I talked to him for a little yesterday, but when I texted him today I got nothing. Will he ever come back? What do I do so that he is not gone for good, I am scared he will leave forever?
Hey guys! I'm kind of stuck in a jam and would love your advice! So iv been dating this guy for about a year now and we recently broke up 3 and a half a weeks ago .. Heres some back ground first. We had an amazing relationship! He is the sweetest man i have ever met.. I felt like we were so in love he did everything for me never broke plans with me always wanted to see me talked to me everyday more then enough effections .. Just so perfect ..so funny and just we had a really loving realtionship. And he hasnt changed theew the year at all.. The problem is he doesnt have any family here they live in winnipig and his mom lives in churchhill and are divorced. He lives in the same city as me.. He has always mentioned its always been an opprotunity to move back home and go to school and get a carrer but never did because of me and just 3 weeka ago he decided hes going :( .. And wants to do it on his own to prove he can do it on his own. I offered to move but he doesnt want me to.. He said he will always be my best friend and hopes in the future we will be together again.. The thing is now he will barley tall to me and is acting cold and wont stay in touch unless i talk to him first? He always answers but i don't get how someone " so in love " can just walk away let alone stop talking to me? I know hes at a cross roads with his life but.. I don't know why he doesn't want me along for the journey and is treating me this way?
@jenna.....Thanks for filling us in. Good luck and keep us posted. And hang in there.
It's been a month since we've seen each other and he had called me last monday asking if we could meet up this weekend, I agreed and he still said that he loved me and when we got off the phone he said it was nice talking. I miss you.. then this past friday he called me after a job interview he just got a new job a lot better than where he was working.. and then we met up for lunch yesterday, it was really hard for the both of us, because we both broke down in tears and he just said it's really different having to worry about just himself and that he is going to try and prove himself at this new job. he still hadn't made any decisions about the military but he is going to see how this new job goes. When we left the resturant he gave me a hug and kissed my forehead and I told him I loved him and missed him and he said that he loved me too but he needs this time right now and that he would talk to me soon.. There's still love there between the both of us, I just hope this new job will give him some self worth and show him that he is good enough for me..
@Sophie.....We're sorry. This is hard. But you know what this sounds like. It sounds like you made him feel amazing, confident, "studley", hot, and smart. And this went to his head. Now he thinks he's too good for you; and wants to take his newfound confidence and see if he can leverage it into something better. This happens more than you think. And if this is the case we can also tell you that this usually doesn't end up the way the guy thinks it's going to. Because the reason he feels so great is because of how you make him feel. Once you're gone, he'll go back to being the way he always was. The only other thought we had is if he really wants kids and thinks you don't or can't have them. (Sorry, you didn't mention this but it came to mind.) Our advice: Move on. He's not the guy for you. You deserve better than this.
Dear One of the Guys team, My boyfriend broke up with me after 3 years together. He is 35, 5 years younger than I. We were a good match to each other. He asked me to marry him in June and we were even planning to buy a house together. I had a tough year at my work with a lot of pressure. But we travelled a lot and I try to compensate my work overload. He was a great support. Then, just after Christmas he started behaving strange, like depressed, and said he had doubts about our future together. He said he thinks I'm not smart enough, that he cannot have intellectual conversations with me, that he brings more new things into the relationship than I do, that he teaches me more things than I teach him. Then I had no other choice than to ask him to decide because I wanted to start the new year knowing where we were going. I also added that he was not perfect and that I accepted him the way he is. I have 2 masters (tax law and a MBA), I earn nearly 3 X more than he earns. He said he never felt so loved in his life. I'm pretty, we had great sex, I'm funny, I always supported him and now this??? Overnight the guy does not love me anymore? He said he afraid about his job, about us, that he is afraid to make a choice and loose other great opportunities. We kept behaving like a couple until the day I come back to my place. He said he would behave on a strange way for some time, no contact at all. I packed all his things and put it in the cellar. He said he feels like a boy in his twenties and want to catch up time to enjoy life without responsibilities as he did not have the chance to it before. He said he was socially incapable, but now he feels he is ready. A friend of mine said he is really ready to move on. It hurt so much...what went wrong???? None of our friends think he was the right person to me. This must be a kind of sign I should consider, right? It looks like I was just not the one. Do you agree?
@Jenna......Let him contact you. Depression or not, he still needs to be into this enough to make some effort.
I also should add that he is suffering from depression.. I just want him to know I am here for him even if he thinks he doesn't deserve me..
After the last contact from my ex, I decided to text him 2 days after just like a friendly text to make him smile, I told him that I can kick his butt in bowling now because I bowled really well during the weekend.. and he responded with lol you always beat me in bowling, and then he went on to say that he got a new truck and he loves it. and then I just said that I know you said you needed space but I really miss you. and he said I miss you too and could we try again if we take things slow. He responded But I want you to try and make good progress in your life. Your such a good human. we can talk but it won't make anything easier on either of us. and then I said Ur a good human too and I know you don't think so but I know it. and then he said so goodnight for now and then I said ok but can we talk about this later and then he said ok goodnight. and I said good night I hope you have good dreams :) Then he wrote me saying Just try to be a strong woman and endure. I haven't changed my mind about anything but I haven't made any decisions. I feel I need to be able to love myself, take care of myself and be myself until I can think about anyone. and I said ok that's fair but just know that I love you and you always bring out the best in me and I'm here if you need to just talk.. I know you have a lot on your plate but you don't have to go through it alone. I'm still going to fight for us. and then I left it at that.. it's been 6 days since I last heard from him, should I just let him contact me or should I try again in a few more days...?
@Jenna.....We're sorry. This is hard. We're not sure exactly what's going on in his head, but there are two possibilities we see. 1. He doesn't see you as long term potential and this is his way of extracting himself from the relationship without feeling horribly guilty. 2. He's embarrassed that he's a minimum wage earner and that he'll never be able to provide for you, and that he feels completely stuck in his life. Your best bet is to give him some space and let him figure this out. We can't guarantee this will work, but if you keep bugging him, you'll definitely push him away. He needs to come to the realization himself that he wants you in his life.
I stumble across this website and I just need to know what is going on in my ex's head.. My fiance of almost 8 years broke up with me 9 days ago, he said in a nutshell that he wants to go into the military and better himself and do good in his life and he doesn't think he can do this with me in his life. He said it was a very hard decision because he loves me and that I was amazing person. Now he had tried to go into the Navy a few years ago and he actually got out because he missed me so much and it was very hard on us, he's had a lot of regrets about this even now.. I know that he is the one for me and I'm the one for him.. he just doesn't think he's good enough for me...I know that he didn't want this break up just as much as I didn't but he thinks it's the best decision for the both of us and that I should just move on.. We both cried and held on to each other and then he just said he would call me when his head was straight.. Well being best friends for 7 1/2 years, I missed calling and texting him.. so I have to admit I was being a texting terrorist and I asked how this was so hard for him not to contact me and said it's not but its the right thing to do, I have to let you go, then I begged and pleaded with him to start things over.. then he said I need space and he also said how am I going to make it through the boot camp if you can't go less than a week without texting me.. I asked him if he would meet me somewhere and talk and he said no.. I'm sticking by my decision this time.. hopefully we can both grow up and progress and move forward.. then I asked him if he would wait for me after he goes in and he said if you mean am I going to see anybody than no and he plans on still communicating with me..but for now he didn't want me to be like a slave to him. I told him that I wasn't a slave but I will be there to support him if he needs me and just to take each day as it comes.. After 5 days of absolutely no contact.. he texts me yesterday just to say hi and that he wanted to check in and see how I was doing.. and I told him I was doing ok just trying to keep busy.. and he said that he was doing okay and just keeping doing good at work and then he said to have a good weekend and that I'm in his thoughts and prayers always.. Trav and I have had maybe a handful of fights.. we've never cheated on each other and had always loved each other unconditionally..we did have one issue that we could not control. We have not moved in together yet and that has been an ongoing issue with us because we both can't afford to move out and he currently works at a resturant making under minimum wage so it was very difficult to move forward and he feels stuck. I want to live with him, marry him and have kids with him and just grow old with him and I need to know what is going on in his mind.. why does he feel like he's not good enough for me and if he broke contact is it ok for me to text him or just wait for him to contact me.. I want to be back with my ex so badly I miss him more and more everyday and I know that this is killing him inside.. Please help me and give me some insight to his mind and what he is thinking..
And merry Xmas guys. God bless :)
And that would mean he is not interested... And probably there is no point to all these then. Yes, I suppose I am more hopeful. Maybe I should just let nature takes its course.
@Wanderlust.......This whole situation just seems like a lot of work and worry on your part with little or no effort on his. Our gut tells us that you're thinking about this way more than he is, and that you're way more into the possibility than he is. So whether you text or not seems almost irrelevant. We don't think it makes you look desperate if that's what you're worried about. It just means once again that he's not doing anything.
Thanks guys. I find it hard to accept that we had all these mixed signals and I'm still... Just a friend. I might be expecting too much, but I can't deny I'm a tad disappointed. While he replied to my text more eagerly, now I feel like he is responding but no longer holding up the conversation, even when he initiates the contact. I suppose that he is bored. Anyway, we talked and he gave me some advice. I told him thanks and that I should be able to manage. If he is free, he can let me know before mid jan. he said he will... But I'm not sure if he was just saying. Do you think it will be too much if I drop him a text a few days before I embark on my backpacking trip to ask if we are meeting up? Or should I take that he is not keen and go ahead if he did not contact me? Just so I appear friendly and not desperate if I want to test the waters.
@Kristin......Thank you for sharing your wisdom and experience. Come back anytime. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. And please share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We do appreciate it.
I found this site tonight and want to let all you females out there that I feel every single thing you all are saying out there. My personal situation to come in the next few days via a post, but even though I know people say if something is difficult, it wasn't meant to be. I don't know if this is an absolute at all, because there are challenges every day in life that people experience and they are surpassed...Point is,though that while I have a long way to go after a lot of sh*t, no one is worth any feeling of self defeat, extreme sadness, feeling lesser, or anything that detracts emotionally from your life or who you are. Easier said than done, but once this reality sets in, put together a plan to try to minimize any of these things making you feel powerless and set goals, even if they are small - day by day or weekly ones that are achievable. This will begin the path to healing and restoration into the person you were and the better part of yourself. Just wanted to put this out there in case anyone finds it to any exent worthwhile or something they can consider through their attempts to rise above the feelings experienced at this time during this time during life. Kristin Kollinger
@Wanderlust.......We don't think this is a matter of losing respect for you. People have ambiguous relationships all of the time. They test the waters. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Considering your history he probably wants to help a friend out. Not sure if he feels obligated or not. Possibly. Or he might just feel like you could use some guidance on your trip. Once again, your call. If this is going to mess with your emotional well-being then don't see him. If you can visit and have a nice time with him, then go for it. We do agree with one thing he said. Try to relax and just let this happen. Trust your gut as it gets closer. If it feels right then go with it. If it doesn't, enjoy your trip without him. What do you think?
Hi guys,I'm back again. My friend asked me to relax and that the trip was a month away, he felt that I was pushy with my questions but I am going to travel to other places so I'm less than a month away from setting out. I wondered if he had purposely not replied or hold off replying? After we talked, he said let him know if I need more help. I asked if he needs any information from my like where I stay etc, he then asked for my address and flight itinerary. When I asked him what's the itinerary for, he said ' so I can come pick you up"'. After that he sent me a picture of him eating my favourite fruit. He probably treats me as a good friend maybe? He was attached a few months ago and we were in an ambiguous relationship as we went out a few times. It started off because we enjoyed each other's company as friebds who hit it off and then he started asking me out for movies. We even almost made out once. We bever talked about his ex, but i hot the sense that he had some issues. i might be wiser if we did not hang out. He is no longer attached and told me before he went back. he said he'll be free and babysitting his newborn nephew so he can bring me around. I wondered if he had lose respect because of I had settled for an ambiguous relationship? Hence, the mixed signals? In my experience, guys don't do things they don't want to. So why the obligation?
@Pati.....We're really sorry. This seems to be a matter of timing, which is always the hardest for people. This may seem like a surprise to you and to him—that his feelings all of a sudden changed—but they actually didn't change suddenly, he just ignored what was in his gut. Let us explain. The relationship was already in decline the minute the two of realized you were in very different places in terms of the timing of having kids. (How old are you? And him? We're guessing you're late 30s and he's mid to late-20s. Is that right?) In fact, he may have known how he felt right from the onset. (That he didn't see you as long-term relationship potential because of your age differences.) Of course he would never have said anything because he probably was very attracted to you and wanted to be with you. The confusion stems from his own confusion. He's saying, "I don't know what happened, I just lost something." This is the mark of a guy who is either not that in tune with his feelings, or very good at ignoring them. We don't doubt he cares for you a lot, and wishes he felt differently; and we don't doubt that he thinks this happened suddenly; but we still think this is a matter of him ignoring his gut until he couldn't anymore. We think you should move on. Sorry, we truly wish we could give you different feedback. But that's how we see it. What do you think? Feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you'd like. And fill us in some more if you'd like. Take care. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!
My ex recently broke up with me. We knew eachother about a year and finally I agreed to go out with him because he is much younger than I am. We were together 6 months before h broke things off. Everything was amazing in the beginning, and about 3 months after we started dating I mentioned that I would like to have a child within two years if everything was PERFECT with us (a lot goes into perfection). We discussed it and he said he would not be ready within that time, I told him if that was not even a option then we should probably just go our separate ways. He didn't want to and said if everything was perfect it could be possible. We never brought it up since (I realize I probably should have not even mentioned it, however, we were so sincere with one another I thought I was doing the right thing). I was on the pill and due to medical issues I had not been able to get back on the pill for the last 3 months. We were having unprotected sex and he would just pull out. One night while having some drinks he just brought it up out of the blue that we are not being careful at all and that he is not going to be ready to have children in two years. He's been feeling stressed out. After he told me I just reacted and told him then there is no point to us being together then. We both cried through the night (he slept over since he had been drinking) and we made love. In the morning we talked again and cried some more and when he left I called him to please come back and told him that I didn't want to be without him. This all happened Thanksgiving (great timing) and he said that we would talk about it more on the weekend. The weekend came and we went out with friends and didn't mention anything. He went home as usual and during the week during a conversation we disagreed on something and he shut down on me, saying he will deal with his life and that was that. I texted him saying that things were no right that we needed to talk about what was happening with us. He said he felt really stressed and needed some time to figure things out. He felt that something had changed in him after our emotional outburst and that the weekend he felt off and that he wasn't sure he loved me anymore. This happened on a Wednesday and we agreed to take some time and on Monday we would discuss it. When he called me on Monday he said he had been thinking and that he thought it best if we went our seperate ways. I just asked him what had happened since things had seemed so perfect just a couple of weeks earlier. He just kept saying he lost something that night and he's been wrecking his brain as to why and he can't figure it out. I felt utterly devastated and told him if that was what he wanted there was not much I could do. He hasn't called or texted me. Only when I have asked him because I need some belongings he has and we have been trying to come up with a time to get together so he can give them to me. I am friendly and he is friendly as well. It just feels so strange because there is no sign of the fact that we were even in a relationship. I text him to say goodnight every few days and he responds but that's the extent of if. Its been a week since he decided he didn't want to be with me. I miss him terribly and would like things to go back to how they once were. Any thoughts on this relationship having a chance or should I just move on? Thank you
@Wanderlust.....We get the sense he intends to meet you, but once again, he doesn't seem excited or anything. Hard to say. You've got to make the call on this one. Keep us posted.
Yes, I do. And I think he don't intend to meet as well. Why can't he just say that he is busy and not meet?
@Wanderlust......His tone sounds like someone who feels obligated. Was that your take as well? It's hard for us to say but that's what we're getting from this guy.
Hi guys, I asked him about transportation because I could find information online, and he did not reply for a day. So I got abit annoyed and expressed that I was disappointed that he ignored me, whom he claimed was a good friend. I just need to make sure my itinerary is safe as I'm travelling alone. He then responded a very long introduction via Facebook, and asked if the dates are confirmed. His reply: If you confirmed 24-26 then its easier, I don't have any plans during those days atm so I can likely come meet you, or at least show you around on the 25. I replied thanks and I didn't give him details.i'll plan without the intention of meeting him. He didnt ask where I'm staying or what flight I'm on. I'm not sure what his reply mean? I somehow, half believe it. Could it be there He just want to prove that he is trying to help and then tell me he is busy closer to the date? I'm getting cynical.
@Wanderlust.......Yes, aloof as well; but to us it came across as not very nice, especially since it was so unexpected. We hate inconsistencies, and when people show that kind of disparity in behavior it makes us a bit concerned. That's all. It's possible we're reading too much into it.
I though he sounded aloof. Was that what you mean by he did not sound very nice?
Thanks guys. the exchange was the exact words used.Confused about what? Because it's on whatsapp and because I stared at that sentence for some time, I'm pretty sure I didn't imagine it. That is how I discover we can delete messages on whatsapp. Could he be stringing me along. But it's all right, I've decided i'm not meeting him for the trip.
@Wanderlust.......Honestly, we were kind of surprised ourselves. Sure, there are some things we can generalize about, but guys are individuals too. He seems confused; and frankly, he wasn't very nice, at least in your exchange. Maybe that's a side of him you should be aware of. Keep us posted.
Hi, yes that's what I thought. But I still feel disappointed, even as a friend. Why would a guy say something he will regret? And why did he delete his SMS about " don't want me to set expectations etcetc"?
@Wanderlust........He either changed his mind, or you misinterpreted his initial invitation. Maybe he was feeling generous when he asked all of you to visit his country, but when you actually took him up on his offer, he freaked out and tried to backpedal. It doesn't seem like he's that interested, honestly. Or he thinks you might be interested, and he only wants to be friends, so he is trying to give you that message without actually saying it. What do you think? Our suggestion: Go on your trip and don't even bother trying to see him. If he's that busy, let him do his thing and you do yours. We're sorry. Thoughts? Questions? Ask away. ps. We hope you'll share our site with your friends.
A guy friend whom I was close to had asked me to visit him in his homeland. We are both working overseas and met in our company. He did ask the a few other friends to visit his home country too, but he specifically said he will bring me around as he is free. After we left for our break, he'll message me daily. Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'll initiate. So now I'm going on a solo backpacking trip and I thought of dropping by his country. But his attitude seemed to change.granted, i've been asking him questions as to where to stay and how to get around.the conversation went like this: Me: are you free? him: not sure Me: travelling? him: not sure: me:are you burdened by the fact that I'm dropping by? Or you have other friend meeting? Him: U over complicate things my friend.U plan ur stuff and confirm the dates, I'm not sure if I'll have anything during jan. Me: you don't sound happy like my other friends Him:Well...for example, I'd been driving to the city everyday since the day I got back visit uncle, parent check up, meet clients etc etc etc. I may not have plans but there will be last minutes things that I can't avoid.So that's y I say just plan ur thing. I'll try my best to come meet u for dinner or something. I also don't want you to set expectations when I'm not sure if I can deliver. Sensing his change, I replied that he seemed seem less keen from when we first speak. He prob have his concerns. This trip is for myself and not to meet him per se, so he don't have to over think and worry too much abt my expectations. I don't think I've ever ask him to accompany me for 3 days but I appreciate his advice in planning my itinerary.It's easier for me to plan with the presumption that he can't meet. If he decided he had time to bring me ard, then let me know and we'll see. He then messages me to asked if I had confirmed my tickets, and I also realised he felted his message on " I also don't want you to set expectations when I'm not sure if I can deliver.". I did'nt reply. What's the deal? Even if I'm not special and I'm just a good friend, what happened?
@Stacy (Don't want to hold on when there's nothing)......It's likely he's still a bit unsure of how he feels since your indiscretion with that other guy. (We applaud you for being honest.) That's probably why he's giving you mixed-signals. The best thing to do is try and power through these next few weeks until you see him. Then the two of you really need to try and hash things out. Face-to-Face is always best when discussing important issues. The distance doesn't help of course, but right now you just need to wait and see. After you see him, let us know if we can help answer any more questions. We're sure you'll have lots more to sort through then. Good luck and definitely keep us posted. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Spread the word on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Please take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks
Hey guys, My long distance boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We had been doing long distance for a month and we were in a relationship for 2 months. I have known him for quite some time, but we definitely rushed things because I was moving away to study. We said the "I love you" before I left and we met each other's families, discussed moving in together upon my return, etc. We also saw each other every day (which I am not used to) and spoke on skype every day, multiple times. I loved to keep in touch, but it was excessive to say the least. I kissed another guy while drunk, told my bf after it happened and he dumped me. I regretted it and am extremely sorry and have been to counselling to figure myself out. Anyways, my ex forgave me, but did not want to get back together because he needed to work on himself. We were talking on and off and things seemed like they were looking up. I don't want us to be over. Lately, he seems really moody and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Is there any hope for us? We are suppose to see each other in two weeks. thx
@Sakuri.....That is confusing. It's obvious he still cares for you. We just don't think he's going to ultimately come back. (But who knows. We hope we're wrong.) Why don't you keep us posted if something unexpected transpires. Sometimes breakups get dragged out. People get back together. They break up again. The sleep together. They break up again. It's hard to let go of people you care about. Every time you break up it's like losing a part of yourself too. Take care and keep us in the loop.
Thank you guys. I'm still confused as to why he want's to spend christmas with me and why he continually texts all the time. I guess all hope is lost. Thank you for your time.
@Sakuri.......We're sorry. This is hard. And we're not going to sugarcoat it, but understand our advice is coming from a supportive place. We think you've got his number, but just need someone else to say it to you. Yes, we think he's trying to make the breakup easier for both of you by saying he just needs space and time to figure things out. (That usually means, the person knows they want to move on, but they feel guilty about their broken promises.) Of course he still cares for you and doesn't want you to be hurt. This is the easy way out, and frankly, the cowardly way out. He's not doing you any favors by telling you to "trust him." Why would you trust him? He's broken all his promises. He wants to be single. He wants to see what else is out there. We don't see how you could trust him. Do you? We think your best plan is to let yourself grieve and then try to move on. We are truly sorry. Sometimes relationships run their course. It sounds like he's decided this one has. Hang in there. And ask as many follow-up questions as you'd like. Take care. ps. We hope you'll share our site with all of your friends. And on Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Please take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.
I'm sure this is the same question many people have posted but I would like to post mine as well. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months. We have been living together for the past 6 months. I know moving in together at that early of a stage was silly looking back on it but we were both in love and thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. He has even told me as much. Now he has broken up with me. In coversations he has said that he wants some time apart, he wants to be single for awhile. He said at first that he wanted to start over. Moves back to his parents and once that's done we can talk and hang out and be just friends and go from there but he couldn't make me promises that we would get back together. He has also said he needs space and time to figure himself out and why he isn't happy. He is moving all of his stuff out and I'm really having a hard time with it although he has been supporting me as much as possible. Telling me it will be ok and to trust him. He also told me the other night that he loves me. He did think that I wasn't ok with him talking to other girls. Which I was I just asked him to be open about it and he never did and this caused me to question things. And he took this as me being jealous. We also had planned to spend christmas together at his parents but now that we are not together I didn't think we were but he has asked me to spend christmas with him anyways. From a guys perspective what I would like to know is this. Is all hope lost? Is he really gone and just saying he needs space and time and to figure out why he's not happy to make the break up easier on me? He has said to me that I didn't do anything wrong and it's all him. But us girls here that all the time lol and we know what that means. Will he come back? Is all hope lost?
@Susanne........We're sorry. But we're not sure what you're asking. Are you sad about the breakup or are you sad about losing a friend? Are you wondering if he'll be back? How many times have you broken up over the course of your three years together? For how long each time? We're not sure what you'd like us to address. Please fill us in and we'll get back to you. And hang in there.
@Ana.....We're so sorry about your sister. Please accept our condolences. As per this guy. Just from what you describe it sounds like the two of you have established your "pattern." You would know what that is better than us, but breaking free from that is not easy. What it requires is serious work and commitment from both parties. You sound like you might be up for the task, but he doesn't. And that's the issue. Every relationship has problems. People bicker, they argue, they fight. They make up. They do it again. But the hope is, that over time, resolutions come more quickly, and people learn how to deal with conflict better. It's not easy, like we said. Ask yourself: Do you think this guy is really up for the challenge? Do I truly think I can trust him? (He's already done this several times.) What makes me think he's changed? Has this guy done any "work" —therapist, counselor, course, books—to make me think he's working on himself? Those are the issues we see. What do you think Ana? What's your take?
Hello! I have been with my ex for three years and a week and a half ago he broke up with me. The break up lasted two hours with only less than a minuete explanation that he just didnt feel a connection anymore. He told me that I didnt do anything just that there was no connection. I was really confused because the days before we were talking normally and him telling me how he loves me and all that. I honestly didnt see it coming to be honest. During this time though he gets really stressed out and tends to not think 'properly',. I have been use to this for the past three years, so I am really confused when he actually broke up with me and saying that the reason was that there was no connection anymore. So I was wondering if he will message me, its been 12 days and I honestly thought he would have messaged me how I was doing already. We have been bestfriends and I just feel like it would be a shame if we never talked anymore.
I have been on and off with the same man for 2 years (I know that says something right there). Our lives have constantly added stress to our relationship, with everything from career struggles to my sister passing away in a horrific accident. We broke up, and I moved into my own place. I am a strong person, and I immediately continued to build my life. After a month, he contacted me. And then the next day again. After a week and asking to see me I told him straight out: we both had a lot going on, and I needed my space, and I needed to have positivity. I didn't want to continue wandering the same path, and if he wanted to be with me, it needed to be chill but he also had to respect the difficulties of our lives together and individually. Everything was lovely for 2 months, we both seemed content with the relationship. Then there was a spat one night over a lie, not by me. Not by him. But by someone who knew neither of us until hours earlier. He fell right back into a ball of anger and stress. After 2 days he finally tried to talk about it but he said we just really weren't meant to be together, he needed to focus on himself, he loves me BUT etc. I am so torn between being angry and being sad. I feel betrayed because I was so honest, and I let him back in. I feel foolish, but I am so hurt someone would give up just when things are going well. But I also know he has serious commitment issues. I don't know whether I should try to comfort his fears and convince him to stay, or let him leave. And if he comes back again, I can't imagine trusting him not to do it again. I really care about him. He held me through my sisters death, but he also has given me so much, and in general I love being around him. I don't know where I stand anymore, because I don't know if I should reposition my life again.
@Lisa.....We responded in the other post, "Will he come back?"
Hi, I have been with my ex for 2 years and it was kind of a long distance relationship. He often tried to make me stay but I was afraid because I had my life somewhere else. There was a job opportunity for me to be in the same city as him but I waited too long so I did not get it. Although I am in the same city as him now, he feels that I sabotaged our relationship, that I was unfair to him and that he does not want to be with me anymore. He said that he has put his life on hold for 2 years and that he doesn't know if it would be a good idea for us to be together; that this would be unfair to him. I can tell that he still really loves me but he seems to have made up his mind and doesn't want to go back with me. I feel like he resents me. I do not know what to do. I might have found a solution to stay where he is so it kills me because I know I will not be able to stay here knowing that we are not together anymore. He said that to him me staying doesn't matter anymore and he doesn't care what I do. I asked him what can I do for him to forgive me and he said nothing, that he doesn't want to and that therefore there is nothing that I can do. Do you think he will come back? What can I do to show him that I am really committed and sorry for what I've done? Should I just givehim space and leave him alone?
@Sarah........Look, we all know this girl is not the key to his happiness. She's a distraction from the work he needs to do to figure out what he wants. Of course this doesn't mean that he won't stay with her and follow through with his plans to move in with her. What we see is a guy who doesn't know what he wants. Right now he's making some poor decisions, decisions that aren't going to make him happy in the long run. (Who's to say this younger girl won't dump him? It happens often) The question for you is: Will you still take be open to him if he comes crawling back after she dumps him? (Who knows when that will be. It could be a month, it could be years.) Because we definitely see that as a possibility especially since he still emails you. That's something you need to consider. Sure, people make mistakes, and people get confused, but you deserve to be with someone who's as excited to be with you as you are to be with them. Don't you think?
Good Morning Guys, As per my previous posts, the cat came out of the bag and there is another woman. I just need some insight. This affair started one week before I left. he had attended his best friends child's funeral and stayed at their place afterwards (I had other commitments). A younger girl showed him attention and that's all it took (as I said, he was depressed, down on himself plus it was an emotional day). She knew he was in a 10 year relationship as well. I have spoke to him since I found out. He will not admit the affair to me, but he has to his parents and other people. He is is planning to move in with this girl in Dec. He told me he believed she is the key to his happiness. His family and I have said to him since he got involved with this woman, his life has gone from bad to worse. He lost his job, his friends, and his families respect and trust. He is blinded by attention at the moment and not thinking clearly. He said he is not coming back, but this girl is his future. But then he sends me emails saying that he still loves me, misses me and I'm always on his mind. I am still working on me, and i have forgiven him for this (even though he said it's not true, but it is). Is he just trying to keep the door open just in case this fling doesn't work, or is this his way of not being 100% sure of what he is really feeling.
I will keep you updated. Thanks again guys. Either way I know I will be happy with whichever way my future goes, just prefer it to be with him. Take care!
@Sarah....Yes, clearly he's confused and that's why we've said there are many more conversations to be had before this is over. We believe you should fight for what you want, but when it's clear it's over, then you also have to be able to move on. This is not clear yet. Be patient, and see what happens. All these signs you're seeing don't tell the story. His actions in the next few months will give you a much better indication of what's happening. Hang in there and keep us updated. Come back and ask another question anytime. And thanks for sharing our site with friends.
I guess I just am having a hard time letting go. All was well one week before, well it was normal for us. I could just be needing to hold on to some hope to have something to look forward to. One of the reasons I am questioning the the "he doesn't love me in that way anymore" is because he can't look at me and say it. Everything else is able to look me in the eye, but with this he can't. Another is that his parents have said he is depressed and that he needs time. It's hard for me to think that he would rather just walk away than try to fix the issues. It's tough because the things he says to me contradict his actions. He wants me to still be friends with him because he can't picture his life without me in it. Just for a little more background, he also has limited his contact with his friends and family as well (he has spoke to his parents 2 times in 6 weeks). It's like he is running away from everything and everyone...
@Sarah.....We're glad you're working on yourself. We all need to keep doing that. It's a process. To your question: It's possible he's telling you this because he doesn't want to hurt you anymore, but have you considered that he might be telling the truth? Maybe he really doesn't feel that way anymore? It happens unfortunately. Sometimes relationships run their course and there's no great explanation. We still think there's more to work through here, but it's important to consider all the possibilities. And guys are usually pretty straightforward. They often say what they mean. The only time they lie is to save someone's feelings. That doesn't seem to apply here otherwise he would be softening the blow. And you might wonder why is he so emotional with you. Just because he says he doesn't love you in the same way doesn't mean he doesn't care for you deeply. Losing someone who you've been so close with for many, many years is hard, even if you think it's the right decision. Your thoughts?
Dear Guys, I have reassured him how how I feel. I have been taking this time to get myself better too and to also learn how to manage stress and anger so it does not come out in the wrong way and to the wrong people. He said that he is a black plague on my life, misses me everyday, misses our life together and that he will only have closure when I find someone else. I would have thought he had closure already when he decided to leave. When I see him, he is very emotional. I try to tell him we can work this out, it will just take time, but he is adamant that he does not love me in a girlfriend way anymore. His parents told me that he is probably doing this because he thinks that he is the cause of my stress. I don't want him thinking though that because I am getting better is because he left.
@Sarah....We're sorry. We know this is hard. But from what you describe this seems far from resolved. Whether or not that means he's coming back is still uncertain, but we think you'll have many discussions with him before anything permanent is decided. Have you suggested couple's counseling? That might be a good step toward working through this. Be patient. This is a wait and see situation. It sounds like he needs a little time to figure things out. See if you can reassure him that you love him, and then see if he's open to working with you to figure this all out. Keep us posted and ask as many follow up questions as you'd like. ps. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.
Dear Guys, i ahd been in a common law relationship for 10 years with a man 7 years younger than myself. 6 weeks ago he broke up with me and moved out. We have been going through some stresses lately. His work had not been steady for years, and the stress had been piling up on me to carry the load. I have alot of baggage from my past that I had not let go of either. He left because he felt that i did not want him anymore since I had been rejecting him (I tried to explain the rejection was not from him, it was me not handling my stress well). His family thinks he will be bac, to just give him time as he is going through depression. We still speak. The last time I saw him he said that he misses our life, misses me everyday, but he doesn't love me in that way anymore due to the rejection. Then he said I need to find someone, that way he can have closure. I am very confused. He is also a very sensitive person as well and takes everything to heart. Is there a chance he will be back?
@Crystal....Everyone carries their baggage with them from their past relationships. In his case, since his last two relationships were negative, that's front and center for him. You're right. Maybe your intensity freaked him out and triggered some sort of warning bells in his head. (Could be related to how his other relationships played out.) But only time will tell on this. Give him some space, take your cues from him, and see how this plays out. There's not much else you can do. We're sorry. We know this is difficult for you, and that you really care about this man. We hope he wakes up and realizes you are NOT he exes, and then decides to give this a real shot. Please keep us posted and let us know if we can offer any more opinions. ps. And please spread the word about our site wherever.....Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, friends. We appreciate it. Truly!
Yes, I am sure you guys are right. I thought it was probably an excuse and i think he does have his own issues. However, we had a great vacation in Seattle and had so much laughter and fun. Great sex and than the day after labor day something happened. I knew he was stressed and maybe that was partly why he seemed like he was pulling away but I dont understand the silly resentment about housekeeping. I know you said that was probably an excuse but he seemed so great that weekend of Labor day. We shared some intimate things together that weekend. But, anyway, I just hope with time he will realize what we shared together. I waited 42 years to find a man like him and thought he was the one. I had shared my feeling with him before and he had always reacted fine but now I am thinking maybe me expressing myself to him scared him. I know his last 2 ex's which he has children with really treated him badly. I just wish he would not have based his break up on one huge argument and me being childish one time when all the other great times we shared.
@Crystal.....We're sorry. This is tough, especially after what you've been through. But no one goes from 10 to 0 in a matter of days, it just feels that way. Clearly he was already experiencing some doubts, but he didn't make you aware of them. We can't speculate on what those doubts were. (But we doubt highly it was your inability to keep a clean house. That was just an excuse.) Basically he decided he wasn't sure if he wanted an intense relationship like the one you had. Maybe at first he thought it was just what he wanted, but then he probably started being unsure. That doubt grew and it manifested in him flinging barbs about not cleaning up after yourself instead of being honest with you. The best way to deal with this if give him his space. He may realize that he overreacted and doesn't actually need to throw the relationship away, just create a better balance. But he also might truly have moved on. We can't answer that for you. However, reaching out to him constantly will just drive him away more. It's okay to send him an occasional email asking him how he's doing, but if he keeps sending you back curt replies, or asks you not to contact him, then it may truly be over. Feel free to ask as many follow up questions as you'd like. And keep us posted as this progresses. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. We appreciate it.
I met this guy after being in a coma for three years. I thought he was the one after 42 years. We had an instant connection and he had been a coma 20 years ago so he could relate. We had so much laughter and so much in common. I spent hours talking on the phone with him before we even met in person. I thought I had known him for year and our sex life was incredible. He made me feel good. Then one day his texts slowed down and I said ohoooo he must be needing his space. So, I asked how he was doing via email. He responded by telling me all my faults which I was not expecting. I thought he would say, oh, I enjoy being with you but yes I do need some space but instead he started telling me how I did not compromise and I dont clean up after myself, wish I know was not true because I am an excellent housekeeper. Of course , I reacted overemotional which is a red flag to men, but he knew I had a temper. So, I did apologize but then he took a week to email me and never apologized. I left alot of emails and phone calls which I know pushed him away even more practically begging him not to go. Then, he finally after days emails me and tells me its over. I told him I would give him space but he said I had promised that before and did not follow through which was true after getting angry about his email and I did continue to email him but it felt like he was ignoring me and did not actual ask for his space because I just assumed he needed it or was done with me. So he emails me the other day and tells me its over and goodbye. He wont get together with me and talk. I know I said alot of things out of anger but he know we are good together. DO you think he is just pist and give him some time and maybe he will call back or do you think he is done. I am sure he thinks I am a crazy bitch but he know I love him and was hurt by pointing out my flaws via email which should of been done in person. I wasnt asking him what was wrong with me I was asking him what was wrong with him. He has been stressed since he lost his job with microsoft. He knows I need him for companionship after recovering from my coma and I know he understand this about me and that I am not just a needy women. I am a confident women but I never expected to fall in love with him. Do you think he hates me or maybe just pist. I thought pointing out my flaws was emotionallly abusive because he had been known to nip at me which I saw as his only major flaw. So, if I had left him alone do you think he would of got around to forgiving me but he wont so far he just tells me he is done and goodbye. When I ask him to meet and talk , he says no stop contacting me. How could a man go from 10 to 0 in a matter of a day. I love him so much and need him since the coma. I just dont understand. If he had just emailed me and told me he was still thinking about us I would have left him alone. I do analyze men alot and I know I cannot do this with men. I am a psych nurse but when it comes to my own emotions and love I cannot use my psych skills.
@Jesabel......Well, we only can give you our opinion based on what you tell us. And since we don't know him personally it's hard to say exactly what's in his heart. But for you, it's important that you get some kind of resolution to this. Sometimes we all have to see something through to its entirety. Confrontation might not get you anywhere, but certainly talking to him and hearing what he has to say would help you understand, or at least give you closure, if that's the way this plays out. We don't think he was putting on an act, we just think that sometimes people think they know something, but they don't always. And that's when they get themselves into trouble because they acted a certain way based on what they thought they knew. Does that make sense? Keep us posted as this progresses and let us know if you have any other questions.
I think you could be right. Maybe he never loved me then and it was all an act? Should I confront him about it? I don't know how to let go and move on if I don't know the truth. I feel like I'm still holding on for him to come to his senses but maybe I'm looking at it in the wrong way?
@jesabel....We're sorry. This is tough. So here goes: You can contact him but it won't give you any real answers. You can try to get him back but that won't really tell you what's going on in his head. He broke up with you so he needs to be the one to initiate the reconciliation, otherwise it's meaningless. Let's take a look at his mixed signals. He tells you he loves you, but then he breaks up with you. Words only go so far, but actions are everything. We think his actions speak the truth and his words fall flat. Also, the fact that he said he was throwing away possibilities and potential to spend weekends with you is a huge TELL. If he really thought you were that amazing he wouldn't need the potential of a weekend with his buddies. That doesn't mean he shouldn't want to hang out with his friends, it just means he wouldn't be worried about possibilities—we read that as women—when he was with them. Sure his depression could be affecting this, but we doubt it's what making him feel unsure about you. It maybe is just amplifying it a bit. What do you think?
My boyfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago after 6 months of dating. Things were pretty serious and we were very much in love. I have had serious long term relationships before but the longest he's ever dated anyone was 6 months...I just made it as his longest by a a week or so more. Anyway, he's a really social guy and was quite a party animal before I met him. He started complaining a bit that he felt like he was losing his friends because he was spending more of his time with me, and in retrospect I can see I was a bit too clingy for him. About a week before we broke up I realised he needed space and I was trying to provide it and encourage him to go out for drinks with his friends. But still, he knew I worried about him getting home late after drinking etc. Soon after that he told me we can't be together because we are in different places and he's not ready for a relationship. He said he needs to focus on his life and career and that he was "throwing away possibilities and potential to spend a weekend with me". How can he be so ruthless when he was so in love with me? He suffers from depression and is quite unhappy with his job and other things in his life at the moment. Could this have motivated the break up? I begged him to rethink it and he said we could meet up in a month and go out for a drink...so now I feel like I'm getting mixed signals? He did cry when we broke up and told me he loved me so I know it was really difficult for him. I miss him so much and want him back, I really love him!We have the most amazing connection I've never experienced with anybody else and I don't know how to just throw that away. What do I do? I haven't contacted him for over 3 weeks and neither has he...I thought I'd give him space to think. But now I feel like I need to at least try to get him back? Should I contact him casually?
I guess you're right. I don't have twitter anyway. As far as I'm aware he appreciates me to an extent but yeah that comment was so embarrassing on my part if he was aiming it at me, pretty pathetic. I just wish he'd stick to one thing and move on rather than wavering between. I've been trying to give him space to make up his mind. And he's been initiating our conversations and drunk texting me. Also being complimentary and teasing me all at once. It's so confusing! I like the ball in my court and having the control. I need to have all of that before I even stand a chance. I just don't know whether it will ever happen, and I'm sick of waiting around when I could be dating a more down to earth guy! thanks for advice :)
@bsell.....Your next move? Here's the thing. The people who use Twitter and Facebook to say inane things, to us, don't seem mature enough to be in a real relationship. It's so young to put up a comment like that. For what? To get a laugh? And to get a laugh at your expense? Sure, maybe it wasn't the worst thing he could say, but he had to know it would get back to you. From our perspective you deserve better. There are plenty of guys who will appreciate all that you have to offer, and be interested and eager to get to know you more. Your next move should be to move on and start being open to new possibilities. He's just going to drag you down. What do you think? Feel free to ask us a follow up question anytime.
This is very long but could you help me please? OK: was seeing this local guy. Was great to start with. He initially became interested in me and before I knew it we were seeing each other! We never even slept together. Then things went ugly and so he broke it off with me. It was partly my fault as I said something I shouldn't have which he took really badly. We only saw each other for about a month (beginning until the end of June) We had an argument a good three weeks back after we’d been out at a party and things were just dreadful and awkward after the argument as silly things were said which shouldn’t have been. Anyway Saturday night was the first time I’ve saw him (Gary) since then. I was at my local bar with a few friends and all of a sudden he shows up. I told him I wouldn’t be out that weekend in hope that I wouldn’t have to face him. One of my guy friends is a mutual friend of his. So he started chatting away to him and I tried to avoid Gary as much as I could. Anyway eventually he caught eyes with me and gave me a soft look and smiled. It was ok but still kind of awkward to start with. Gary and my guy friend were then talking about this other girl who was at the bar and how gorgeous she was. However Gary shut up when he realised I was listening. Obviously my heart sank a bit when I overheard this. So even when I was sitting with my friends Gary would look over every now and then at me, most of the time I’d catch him out the side of my eye. Anyway, about half 11 I was to be picked up by one of my guy friends. I informed Gary of this and said bye as he was going to meet his other friends at another local pub at this time. Coincidentally, I ended up running into Gary again just as my friend was arriving to pick me up. He stood and talked briefly for a bit and then said gloomily that he was going home because he wasn’t in the mood to be out. He was in a generally strange mood. I tried to cheer him up and said he’d have a good time out with his friends. Anyway my friend Ryan arrived to pick me up and Gary all of a sudden hopped in the front seat and decided he was coming with us. He suggested going a drive to Mcdonalds and so we did. I ended up getting locked out of my house and so Gary offered me to stay at his. I agreed (we were both slightly intoxicated, but knew what we were doing). Anyway I got to his house and he let me walk upstairs in front of him placing his hand gently on my back. We got to his room and put on a film. He let me choose and offered me pyjamas. He asked if he could cuddle me, so I did and we kissed and snuggled up together. It was slightly awkward to begin with, but we chatted a little and he played with my hair and stroked my face which was nice. We fell asleep head by head hand in hand and toes touching. Never let each other go all night! I had to get up around 9 to go home and he saw me out to the front door. I never kissed or hugged him because I wasn’t sure where I stood or even, how he was feeling. I had no idea if he felt awkward. He said he’d text later. Unfortunately I accidentally lifted his glasses so I had to text him about that before he even had a chance to text me. What is actually bothering me is the fact that 10 minutes after I left his place one of our mutual friends said he posted a remark on his twitter saying: “I’m good at being an absolute idiot" I do not have twitter, but I don’t know what he means by this. Obviously this was a sarcastic comment, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to have done. I feel its aimed at me in the sense that he’s disappointed for letting me stay over and cuddle and kiss after telling me it was over between us. I just have no idea and it’s kind of upsetting me. Would be nice to think that he felt idiotic about letting me go in the first place however I'm unsure. I just asked if he was awkward about things but he said no and that I hadn’t to apologise and that he’d had a good laugh with me that night. I am so confused. Why tweet something silly like that then?! He's been texting on and off but it's stopped for now. Not sure what my next move should be. can you help?
@Aastha.........You deserve better. Take care. And let us know how things are going.
Recently, I have found out he is chatting with one of the girls' whose pics he downloaded, he told her even he is single and does not have any relation with me but that is not true. Though I never asked him about the incident but its burning inside. Apparently, he tells me to give him space for the time being but he himself tells others he does not have any relation with me.
@Aastha.....We are really sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Breakups are so hard. Hang in there. As hard as things are, and as much as you might miss him, it seems he's made a decision, and until he reaches out to you, you need to try and focus on other things in your life. Try to lean on your friends and family for support and do your best to keep busy. And ask yourself, do you really want a guy you can't trust?
I am really not understanding what he is up to and why ? Things have been changed drastically since the past couple of months . I am really shattered as I need to make my future decisions as well.
I am really not understanding what he is up to and why ? Things have been changed drastically since the past couple of months . I am really shattered as I need to make my future decisions as well. Based on all these confusions I am unable to do anything , any work.
@Aastha.......When a relationship gets as intense as yours two things typically happen. 1. People choose to make a life together. 2. They break up. Meaning, there isn't anywhere else to go from the point you are in the relationship. If things were casual he could just keep going on, having fun, etc. But now that he's faced with making a decision for the rest of his life he's freaking out. This may be a short term pause, or it could be that your relationship is over. We can't answer that for you, only time will tell. However, the picture downloads is a whole other matter. He's not downloading these for his friends. Maybe he's sharing them with his friends but they are for his pleasure. Looking at pictures of women—clothed or not—is pretty normal, but feeling the need to lie about it is a different matter. It makes us wonder what else he's hiding. What do you think?
And also I would like to add that my boyfriend has the habit of downloading pictures of beautiful girls from facebook. Recently, when I asked him the reason he simply told me those are for some other friends. I am in my wits end and really cant understand why he says he does not know what he wants all of a sudden. Our relationship was really an intense one and we had planned to tie the knots too. Please help.
We have a 2years relationship and now he says he does not know whether he loves me or not. He was so much into me initially but off late his behavior towards me has changed ,we stopped talking to each other as I want to give him some time and space to think over it again before actually breaking up the relation,now I am in such a big dilemma , Could you please tell me whether he found somebody else or is there any chance to return back to me?
I will talk to him, I just want to be in a confident place within myself. I would regret not trying to be with him again. But I know your right- I think I honestly believe he's convinced himself so much that we can't be happy it may take him a very long time to realise that we actually can be happy together. I just don't want it to be too late, and I don't want him to meet someone else.
@Louise......Using the kiss as an excuse is certainly a possibility. It's an easy "out" if he was already feeling like maybe things weren't working out. That way he can lay it all on you and not have to feel guilty. So why don't you give it a few more weeks and then contact him. You're probably going to feel some regret if you don't see this all the way through, so you should do what you need to do. But try to temper your expectations. It's possible you're going to get the same response from him you did a few weeks ago. ps. To answer your other question: Yes, we're sure he still has feelings for you—most people do when they break up—but that doesn't mean he's coming back, or that he wants you back.
It's hard cause I've never given him any reason not to trust me. I wish I could just talk to him and tell him how much I care about him. But I've read that you should at least have no contact with someone for at least 30 days so that they calm down does this actually work? It's been two weeks since I last contacted him. I know him deep down and he's too stubborn to come back to me, he always said he didn't want to be in a relationship wherein of we broke up we get back together but I don't know how he can say that when he's never been in a relationship before? Do you think he has any feelings for me at all? My friends and family believe that this whole 'kiss' thing was an excuse to get out of our relationship because we'd been fighting so much. My ex said that after all the fighting and then the kiss he knew he could never be happy with me again. But he's made this kiss thing so much bigger...it was nothing!!! Thanks so much for your advice :)
@Louise.....We're sorry. We know this is really hard. First of all you're right when you say your relationship was probably not ready for the two of you to live together. That's a huge step, and for a guy who's never had a girlfriend before, it's definitely pushing him out of his comfort zone. But that's not the reason for your breakup. It's trust, or lack thereof. Maybe you didn't do anything "wrong." And maybe your boyfriend overreacted. BUT, the fact that he has no experience with relationships make us understand why he's reacting the way he is. You see, trust is everything. Maybe as he gets older and gains more experience he'll understand that life is not so black and white. But where he's at in his life and evolution, that's the only way he's able to see it. This is not about what happened or didn't happen, it's about his comfort level with you, and how he feels you're going to take care of his emotions—or not take care of them. Sure, we are all responsible for our own happiness, but right now, he pictures you out in the world, flirting, possibly cheating, and it's too much for him. We don't like to predict about what might happen in the future because everyone is different. In a month or so he might realize he can't live without you. But it's also possible his ego won't let him take that risk. At this point you're just going to have to wait and see, but just as you couldn't force him to live with you, you're also not going to be able to force him to come back. It has to be his decision, and solely his. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And keep us posted as this progresses. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.” ps. And let your friends know about us. Thanks!
My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me. We had a turbulent relationship, wherein we'd be really happy or really unhappy. However, when I met him I knew he was 'the one' and I fell in love with him within a few weeks as did he with me. I'm his very first girlfriend, so he was very nieve when it came to a few things. He thought it was normal to not contact me for five days straight because he was busy with Uni work. However, I put up with his quirks cause at the end of the day I loved him. I've had relationships before and was ready for the next step and wanted to live with him. However, he kept telling me that he wasnt ready. However, I couldn't let it go and it ended up being an issue that consumed out entire relationship. He eventually agreed to move in with me, but let me down at the last minute saying he 'just couldn't do it'. I was devastated and became very depressed and began to take anti depressants. He stuck by me, but we were both unhappy for a while. I tried my hardest to get over the disappointment and make him happy again. Then recently I went out with some work friends for a friends birthday. We all got a bit drunk and a guy tried to kiss me. I automatically pulled away and left for home. The next day was our two year anniversary, and I didn't want to bring it up because I was unsure what his reaction would be, so I chose to not say anything. We had an awesome weekend and I dropped him off on the Monday morning and everything was fine. He told me he loved me and would see me tomorrow. That was the last time I saw him. When Tuesday came around he told me he was really sick and wanted to see me the following day. I said okay and that I was going to go out with my housemate and some of his mates for steak. My boyfriend has never had an issue with me going out before, but this time he said he felt differently and didn't want me to go. I asked why and he said because he had a vibe that I'd done something I shouldn't. I called him angry at being accused and said nothing had happened, ! he would n't believe me and kept pushing and pushing. I eventually gave in and said that some guy had tried to kiss me. I was crying at this point and he continued to say he didn't believe me still, that he thought I kissed him back. I said is that what you want me to say, will that make you happy? I said fine then I kissed him back although of course I hadn't. That was it, he got angry said I'd cheated on me and that he needed time to think, that maybe we should not talk for a few weeks. I was distraught and said I couldn't do that. He ended the conversation and called me back a few hours later and told me he couldn't forgive me and didn't want to be with me anymore and hung up. The next day I begged for him to reconsider but he said he thinks he's made the right decision. I didn't contact him again for just over a week and told him I missed him. He said he wasnt ready to talk and couldn't see me yet. Again I was upset and begged him to see me, he said he wouldn't. I kept asking him if he didn't love me anymore and he wouldn't answer me. He's decided now that I set up this other guy to be my new boyfriend which is ridiculous, and he says he doesn't trust me anymore in order for me to tell him the truth. He told me not to try and win him back because I can't. He wished me all the luck in the world as did I and I agreed time apart was a good idea. But what they say about time apart making you realise what youve lost is so true. I miss him abd regret pushing the whole living together thing on him and realise that our relationship wasn't 'ready' and stable enough for that next step and that it would of happened when the time was right. Anyways, my question is do you think he'll come back to me in the end and we can have a new and better relationship? Thanks guys, your advice is much appreciated :)
My finance left after 7 years ..with confusion he didn't want to go but said he thought he should??!! :( I'm shattered!!! I sent a full comment to the web..help!! :(
@Wendy.........So we're just wondering why you immediately felt the need to start "something" with some other guy, if you really loved your boyfriend? Was it just a reaction, or what? We're just curious. Will he forgive you? It might take some time. Wait a bit then reach out to him. Tell him you're sorry. Ask for forgiveness and try to explain what happened? But we have another question: So why did you break up in the first place? In order to answer this well we need a bit more information.
My bf and I had an arguement and he told me he was tired of me and that it was over. It really hurt me because I was making a great effort to please him without succeeding. I started talkin then txting to a guy while we were separated. 2 days after we get back and my friend and I keep txting. I tell him and he says Its over. I know I hurt him but I never cheated on him, i could never do that to him. He broke up with me and told me to forget about him, not to call him or get close to him or his family, and left it clear that he loved me but not anymore. Will he forgive me? Will our love be stronger?
And what really confuses me from time to time is that he tells family and mine that he loves me but rarely tells me. I over heard him talking to his family about me saying he cares and loves me a lot and would do anything for me. But im stuck because I can you say that and a few days later tell me you don't want to be in a relationship right now?? I don't understand.
We live a hour away from each other and I can't really say about the intimacy part. And we see each other now when we can because of our busy work schedules, before the baby. we would see each other every other week. And we normal spent the weekend with each other,recently we have been spending a week together like a family but at times i feel its too much. And when we do that i feel he doesn't pay much attention to me, just are child. Don't get me wrong I love he spends time with are child, but just wish he would give me some attention too. And when I want to talk to him about it he walks away from the situation. And I don't understand what's going on either because he doesn't act like this.
@Keshia......We're sorry. This sounds difficult, especially when you add a child into the mix. So we're not sure exactly what's going on. Where do you live? Where does he live? How often do you see each other? Are you still intimate? Etc. We need a little more info in order to respond to your initial question. Thanks.
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We recently just had a child together. I went to go visit him for a week or so and we had our arguments at times but got over it. But the whole time I was with him he didn't seem himself so I would ask if he was okay and if things with us are alright, and he would tell me things are fine or he didn't want to talk about that right now. And when I asked him to explain to me if we are still in a relationship or not and he tells me that he didn't know. And then said he didn't want to be in a relationship right now. I really don't understand what's going on because he normally isn't like this. I know he might have problems expressing his feelings at times but never act like that. We normally talk things through if there is a problem but i feel like he's pushing things away so he doesn't deal with them. Can you please help me because nothing makes sense to me right now.
Thank you so much getting advice from a stranger helps the most
@Saralynda........We're really sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Relationships are hard. And when you break up with someone it feels like you're losing a part of yourself. However, please, please, please, find a professional counselor or someone to help you deal with your pain. Yes, breakups are hard but you are stronger than you think. And what about your kids? They need you. You need to always keep that in your mind. Now on to your question. The fact that he slept with another woman has nothing to do with love, and the love he feels for you. It doesn't mean he wants to be with this other person. It's just something that some guys do after they've been in long term relationships. They often just need uncomplicated, easy, simple, sex. (We're not condoning this, just stating the facts.) Will he come back? If he says he loves you it's possible. But it seems like he needs some space to breathe and think. And if you're this intense about him it's possible you're smothering him. Remember he's not just involved with you, he's involved with your entire family. That's a lot to take on. He might love you, but feel overwhelmed by the instant responsibility of your situation. He may love your family but not every man wants to take on the responsibility of someone else's kids. Just be patient and see how this goes. But finally, please seek out some help to help you deal with all your emotions. Keep us posted as this progresses. And feel free to ask us a follow up question anytime. Take care.
I been in a relationship with my bf for 3 yrs he is Like a father towards my kids we had ups and down but always work through it this time we broke up he slept with someone real close to me and my son. I tried killing myself cause I was in so much pain. He has Been here this week to look after me and is telling me he will be leaving this week be because he needs a break to be alone he tells me he won't be with anyone and just need time to be alone... He can't promise me he will come back but keep stating he does love me .... I don't know what to do ? I forgave him and showed him how much I lOve him and need him and willing to do anything to work things out but still he is determined to leave ??? Will he come back ? And when u love someone why would u want to leave ??? Why would u slept with another women after just days of breaking up ?
@Having a hard time.........No, guys are not necessarily all like that. But he might be. The question you need to ask yourself is, if he's truly in love with you why would he cheat? That's a lot to risk don't you think? Also, the fact that he's staying friends with this woman is like a slap in the face to you. We would think if he really wanted to make things work with you he would be doing everything in his power—including distancing himself from the woman he cheated with—to win you back. He's not doing any of this. So some things to think about. Good luck.
My boyfriend made a mistake and had a fling with a female roomate. He says it only happened once and was a mistake. He claimed he wanted to be with me and move forward as do I . However, even tho this woman moved out, he is staying friends with her. Because he readded her to facebook, I deleted him when he did not answer as to why. We have not seen eachother for almost 3 weeks. He responds when i text or send an email but he has not initiated. He drives by my house every weekday as he drives a bus and picks up someone here but could go in another way so as to not drive by. He waves when he sees me. However thats it. Is there any hope for us or do i just have to move on. Before all this happened he told me not only does he love me but he is IN love with me. How can it just be over like that. Is that how guys are.
@D....Thanks for your note. Please use the contact form on the Ask the Guys page for questions. We hope we can help you. All the best.
@Lena.....We're really sorry to hear this. Hang in there.
My common law partner of 10 years just left me. I know he loves me but I think he feels he isn't in love with me anymore. I feel completely destroyed. He's been gone since yesterday and hasn't called. This is the first time this has ever happened. I haven't tried contacting him. In the last 4 months he's quit his job, took on a company and is helping his friend with his company. We don't spend any time together anymore. I work too and our scheduals have been extremely different. I don't know what to do. I'm terrified.
@Sarah......Thanks for your question. Please use the form on the Ask the Guys page. Take care.
I was dating a man who is very busy in the community. He pursued so hard for about a month and we were in a relationship for a total of three months when he slowly backed off. After I noticed he was backing off I stopped contacting him for a month then sent a short email that told him simply that I missed him. He replied and told me to come that night's event. I declined but told him to have a pleasant evening, but circumstances that were not in my control led me to have to go to the event since the event was at my local place of worship and I had to be sure to lock the door after the event was over. We talked afterwards and I didn't bring anything up so he asked me what the email was about and I simply said that I missed having him around. He gave me a long hug and then came out and said that he was spending too much time with me and needed to stay busy doing the things that he does (as a leader in the community) and that this is the reason why he backed off and that this is who he is. I just said that I know and that I admire him for being such a great example and leader. when we walked to our cars he gave me a really long hug and said that he still likes me though. We left it at that. The only thing I said back is that maybe we can sometimes get together for companionship (not just sex) and we left each other. He sent a short email the next day in reference to something we talked about and I sent a short reply. This was about a week ago. My question is....since I never once nagged him or asked for his time or how he felt for me and all that stuff most men like to not talk about, and since I really showed him that I care for him by just holding on lovingly, patiently and loosely....could there be a chance that he may decide that he would like to actually have a relationship with me since he said he does like me?
[...] Break up confusion; will he come back? [...]
So my ex boyfriend and I slept together a couple weeks ago and being with him reminded me of how much I missed him and still wanted to be with him. So a few days later I sent him a long message explaining to him that I wasnt being fair to myself spending time with him and that it might have been just sex for him but ive never subjected myself to being just sex with someone and that I regret that night and it wouldnt happen again. Not only did he wait until the next day to respond to me he told me he disagreed with everything I said and that I always say something drastic like im done with him then afterwards want to discuss it and he called me selfish and said once I get over myself I will realize he really wanted to get back together and it was never just sex with me. I told him he should open up more so I wouldnt have to read his mind before its too late but he never responded. So after thinking about it I was being selfish and I was wrong for assuming all the things I said even though thats how it felt I feel I should have never said those things to him because if I was on the other end of the message I would be really hurt so the next day I told him that and apologized, he never responded and its been over 2 weeks since then. I know hes mad but I did apologize and I really meant it. I think hes really letting me go but im not sure and I dont know what to do. Hes never went this long without contacting me and im tryi.g to be strong and not harass him with messages but its killing me that were not talking or even friends. Can anybody tell me what his actions mean, do you think he'll come back??
i have submitted the details in the form...i will be obliged if u take my problem seriously and give the answer..thanks!!
@Piya....we were saying, leave us a note using the form above on the Ask the Guys page. What exactly is your question? Give us some more details about the situation. We'd be happy to give you our opinion. Thanks!
i didnt get what are u telling....
@Piya........Actions speak louder than words. Look at what he's saying, as opposed to what he's doing. Are they the same or different? It's all about consistency. If you want us to answer your question in a post, leave us a note using the form on the Ask the Guys page. Thanks and good luck.
i and my boyfriend had an year relationship..suddenly after a small fight he said he wants time he is not ready for the relationship..i gave him time for about 3 months..now he says he dont want relationship anymore and says lets be friends...he says he cant live without me and he want me as a friend...will he return back?? should i continue with this hope..or he is just playing with me??
[...] Break up confusion; will he come back? [...]
[...] Break up confusion; will he come back [...]