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Dear Guys

I have a friend that I’ve known for over 6 years. I’ve lost contact with him on several occasions but I really do like him. Here’s the latest case. Back in December 10′ I bumped into him on the bus. We chatted for a second and then my stop came. He said to me, You’re getting off. Take my # down, and use it this time.” I did.

We text each other, called each other, and he even drove by to see me after work sometimes. But in March I called him a day before his birthday and he answered. It was alot of noise so he said he’d call me back when everything died down. So his birthday comes the next day and I call, and his phone is cut off —by the company. I called a few times after the fact figuring he would get it turned back on asap, but he didn’t. So I went on Facebook and sent him a message. No response. This is the second time he has done this. Every time I  see him face to face it’s a fairytale. Then I lose contact with him and he doesn’t respond to Facebook messages or phone calls.

Should I just say to hell with him or what?

Porsche

Dear Porsche,

Thanks for your question.

This guy seems easily distracted. He also doesn’t seem to be ready for any type of relationship.

You should look for consistency when you’re evaluating a potential new suitor. That sounds business like, but consistency is a great indicator for whether or not you’re in for an easy ride or a tumultuous one. A guy should show up on time, call when he says he’s going to call, follow through on promises, and otherwise be a reliable force in your life. This guy sounds like none of these.

Also, we see a big red flag in the fact that he gave you his number and told you to call him, instead of asking for yours. That’s a strategy often used by a “player.” If the guy is truly interested he’ll ask for your number, and then call you. If he isn’t able to do that, he isn’t mature enough to be in any kind of serious relationship.

This guy may be charming and fun, but until he’s past the scattered stage, you’re better off letting him do his thing. Maybe sometime in the future—quite a ways in the future—you’ll meet up on the bus again and things will go differently. But we wouldn’t count on it.

THE GUYS

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Posted in Relationship Advice: Question/Answer

Tagged with: dating advice column • dating question • Facebook dating • guys • he's a player • mature relationship • maturity in guys • relationship advice column • relationship confusion • relationship question • relationships