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Okay, so I’m not sure if this is something I should ask you or not but I really need some help. I really really like a guy before a relationship but then once I start dating the guy, it’s like I don’t want him anymore and I have no idea why. Like I’m always wanting to break up with my boyfriend and not wanting to spend time with him anymore once I have him. Can you please tell me why this might be?
Dear Kay Kay,
Thanks for your question.
Are you sure you’re not a guy? Sorry, just kidding. We couldn’t help it. You see, that sounds more like a typical guy issue than a woman’s.
We think you’re right to question what’s going on with you, especially since this seems to be a pattern. We’re guessing this has more to do with you, rather than the guys you are with. Although, if the same pattern occurs over and over, you could also be choosing the same sort of guy, which is why you seem to behave the same way once you get him. Maybe some part of you is saying, “this guy is not right for me.” But no matter what it is, the issue originates with you.
Not to get too psychological on you, because we are not psychologists, psychiatrists, or doctors, but we do know that past events impact present day behaviors. Can you think of any event, or series of events that might be playing a part in your inability to commit, and feel happy in a relationship?
We also know that primary relationships with parents and siblings can also shape the way a person interacts with friends, and members of the opposite sex. You might want to explore those past relationships as well.
The reason for all this probing is not to offer you an excuse for what’s going on, but maybe help you pinpoint where and when the issue originated, and then you might be able to give it a “name or a face.” However, once you do that, it’s up to you to work on changing the way you behave. Obviously you have some kind of fear that you’re battling. We’re not sure what it is. Fear of rejection. Fear of being stuck. Fear of making wrong decisions. That’s up to you to figure out. But whatever the fear is you need to face it head on and figure out what’s going on.
You seem like a very reflective person Kay Kay and that’s a great start. Keep trying to figure this out. You might want to seek a more professional opinion to help you sort this out.
Hope this helps.
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