Do guys have a harder time with long distance relationships?

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Hi Guys,

I live in Mexico, but I met a guy 4 years ago on a plane. He is from the USA. We started talking a lot from the beginning and I felt in love with him 2 years later. We see each other like 2 times per year and he told me that he is in love with me. Whenever he wants to see me he pays for my flight to his hometown, or sometimes he comes to Mexico. I saw him last weekend and I really want to have a relationship with him, so we talked about it. He told me that he won’t do long distance. He told me he is in love with me, and we talked about a future together, but still he doesn’t want to have a long distance relationship. So I’m wondering that maybe he doesn’t love me enough to make it work. Or is it very hard for you guys to have a long distance relationship?

I would love to know what you guys think about it.


Dear Tita,

Thanks for your question.

Long distance relationships are not easy, and they require even more work than a relationship where two people live near each other. So we don’t think it’s any harder for a guy to have a long distance relationship than a woman. But everyone is different and each relationship is unique. So let’s focus on your relationship specifically.

Other than seeing this man twice a year, how often do you talk or communicate? Is it on the phone, email, text? We ask, because something you said made us pause and wonder. You said, “Whenever he wants to see me he pays for me to come…” So does that mean he really only wants to see you twice a year? Or does this mean he doesn’t have the money to see you more? Because honestly, seeing someone twice a year without a lot of other communication on a daily or weekly basis is not much of a relationship. We’re not saying the feelings aren’t there, we’re saying that a committed relationship is a “day in and day out” sort of arrangement.

You seem like you’re in love with this man and ready to commit, but what about him? He says he’s in love with you, but then he says he doesn’t want to do a long distance relationship. So does he ever ask you to come live with him in America? Because to us that seems like an obvious step if the two of you are really in love. Having a long distance relationship should only be a temporary arrangement as you work towards being together in the same city. If you’re not talking about this yet, we think it’s time. And if he’s not going to bring it up, then you need to.

We also think you need to explore what’s really going on for him. What’s he doing while he’s not seeing you? Is he seeing another woman? Or is he sleeping with other women? What we can say about guys is: If they’re not willing to make a commitment, whether it’s a long distance relationship, or even a typical relationship, something else is going on. They either aren’t truly in love, or there’s another woman, or they want to keep their options open just in case.

We think the two of you need to start talking about all of these topics. It’s always better to know what’s really going on Tita, rather than be left wondering. And maybe once you start talking you’ll be able to sort it all out and move towards being together.

Good luck,


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3 Comments on Do guys have a harder time with long distance relationships?

  1. Linda Adnil // January 10, 2013 at 11:10 am //

    Hello guys,

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 4 years now. We met on exchange and started dating for a few month. Because we got along great we started doing long distance. From New Zealand to Spain. But the distance is so far as u can imagine. The first year was hard but he came to spain for a few month and stayed with me. Since I was busy and he wasn’t he got homesick which I understand. I agreed to a break he initiated. was really hard for me but I kept myself busy. He came back messaging me and calling me only after a few days. He missed me and said he wanted to get back together. We continued long distance. A year later because we both started working it became harder to have long period to see each other. therefore, he became really hot and cold because he felt like it became boring being in a relationship without seing me and only skyping and messagin every day. He needed the real contact. We went on a break again. Once again after just 2 or 3 days he came back. We started havin the talk about moving. Since he started working in his company after me he can’t ask to move within the company before 3 years or so and he doesnt speak a word of spanish. So I said I could come. my contract is coming to its term soon and we decided to I would come and we would move in together in new zealand. I’ve alwasy loved this country I knew before so I’m ok going there not just for him, but mainly for him. He has had a hard time comitting because Im his 2nd girlfriend only and he’s on focused on his career right now. But he’s evolved and now is willing to try and see what could happen. he said he obviously thinks i could be the one. i know all his family. same for me. And all his friends. but Im worried that if i move in there with him it could go wrong. Im scared to take a risk although I really want to. And i know ive been pushing things sometimes but in the end he really thought about it and when i stopped talking about serious stuff, he was the one starting the serious conversation and asking me if i wanted to come and we could live together there. I think he’s scared it could go wrong and he would be to blame. but ot be honest Im worried it could go wrong too but we’ll never know until we just go for it. I mean i know he really cares and is in love with me just like I am with him. he has this really fucked up family too. He never met his parents together so He wants to get married once with the one. Both paretns remarried and he’s got tons on sisters and brothers. I Think that’s why he’s not sure about stuff and alsways worries. he’s also really unsure about everytihing in general like even picking a meal adns stuff if you know what I mean. But no matter what he always comes back to me, and shares with me his goals dreams and worries. He knows he’s a bit imature and afraid of comitment. he told me. But he wants to make it work. But because im doin all the travelling for him I feel like im makin the effort recntly and its making me tired. I even offered an open relationship he refused becasue he could never cheat or be cheated on. He just went on a 2 week holiday with his friends becasue he coudlnt spend much. Hes saving so much money to start his own firm so he’s really busy as well. He stll contacted me all the time. He’s a good guy but it’s hard to keep up sometimes with him in general. But when we are together it just feels right and it goes on so perfectly. He thinks that as well. He wants to stop the long distance as hes tired of it as well. he wants to give it a go like me. Anwyay. can you guys give me an opinion about the whole thing, if I’m making the right move going there to try and see what happens ? WHat do you think about him ? And me ? please help me decide (although I already know i wanna go, im just really freaked out, but i mean who wouldnt be moving somewhere else) Thanks for the advice !

  2. @Linda….Since we don’t really know him, or know you, we hesitate to tell what you should do. However, life is all about taking risks. Calculated risks. If you trust this guy and feel that he’s a good guy and you have strong feelings for him, we so no reason why you wouldn’t give it a shot. Right now you think that if you move you’re stuck, when in fact that’s not true. Sure it’s a bigger step than dating someone who lives down the street, but if it doesn’t work out then you pack up your things and move back to your country. Or you stay and build a life in his country. Yes this is a risk, but taking a risk seems better than dealing with regret. And if you don’t at least try, you may regret this for the rest of your life. Of course, this is your decision. But maybe this helps a little. Thoughts? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks!

  3. Dear Guys, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and this year we went to different colleges. We are only two hours away from each other and he comes home every weekend but he is very distant during the week. He goes days without talking to me and whenever i go to visit him he is always in a rush to leave. we have talked about it several times and he says he loves me and im all that he wants and that he will try harder but nothing changes. I dont know if i should keep bringing it up or just let it go and deal with it?
    I would love your opinion


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