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Hi Guys,

I live in Mexico, but I met a guy 4 years ago on a plane. He is from the USA. We started talking a lot from the beginning and I felt in love with him 2 years later. We see each other like 2 times per year and he told me that he is in love with me. Whenever he wants to see me he pays for my flight to his hometown, or sometimes he comes to Mexico. I saw him last weekend and I really want to have a relationship with him, so we talked about it. He told me that he won’t do long distance. He told me he is in love with me, and we talked about a future together, but still he doesn’t want to have a long distance relationship. So I’m wondering that maybe he doesn’t love me enough to make it work. Or is it very hard for you guys to have a long distance relationship?

I would love to know what you guys think about it.

Tita

Dear Tita,

Thanks for your question.

Long distance relationships are not easy, and they require even more work than a relationship where two people live near each other. So we don’t think it’s any harder for a guy to have a long distance relationship than a woman. But everyone is different and each relationship is unique. So let’s focus on your relationship specifically.

Other than seeing this man twice a year, how often do you talk or communicate? Is it on the phone, email, text? We ask, because something you said made us pause and wonder. You said, “Whenever he wants to see me he pays for me to come…” So does that mean he really only wants to see you twice a year? Or does this mean he doesn’t have the money to see you more? Because honestly, seeing someone twice a year without a lot of other communication on a daily or weekly basis is not much of a relationship. We’re not saying the feelings aren’t there, we’re saying that a committed relationship is a “day in and day out” sort of arrangement.

You seem like you’re in love with this man and ready to commit, but what about him? He says he’s in love with you, but then he says he doesn’t want to do a long distance relationship. So does he ever ask you to come live with him in America? Because to us that seems like an obvious step if the two of you are really in love. Having a long distance relationship should only be a temporary arrangement as you work towards being together in the same city. If you’re not talking about this yet, we think it’s time. And if he’s not going to bring it up, then you need to.

We also think you need to explore what’s really going on for him. What’s he doing while he’s not seeing you? Is he seeing another woman? Or is he sleeping with other women? What we can say about guys is: If they’re not willing to make a commitment, whether it’s a long distance relationship, or even a typical relationship, something else is going on. They either aren’t truly in love, or there’s another woman, or they want to keep their options open just in case.

We think the two of you need to start talking about all of these topics. It’s always better to know what’s really going on Tita, rather than be left wondering. And maybe once you start talking you’ll be able to sort it all out and move towards being together.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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