Friends with Benefits; Is there a chance he could fall for me?

Hi Guys,

What do you think are the chances of a FWB falling for you? I’ve had a FWB relationship for five years. We talk all the time, argue most of the time, have incredible orgasmic sex, have stood by each other through good and bad times. But we just can’t talk about our feelings. So crazy and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I’m not the the kind to pour my heart out to get turned down. After five years if he wanted something more he would have asked hey?

He has said things like we should get married and live in a caravan and have 100 children. Weird and no thanks. But why joke like that? And he has said we argue like a married couple. He has said he loves me and then moments later I’m back to being his best friend ever.

I don’t get it. I can understand that he is not in a position to provide for my child (7) and me. But I’m not asking for that.

I’m 29 and he is 33 by the way. And I have had a relationship during this time and he has slept with other girls. We just always go back to each other.

So any ideas which direction I should take? I don’t want to waste time. But don’t want to lose one of the best things that has crossed my path.


Dear Cassidy,

Thanks for your question. Please watch our video on this topic. “Friends with Benefits”  This will answer most of your general questions about a “Friends with Benefits” (FWB) arrangement.

As far as your specific question, it does seem like if he wanted to take this relationship to the next level he would already have tried, or at least the two of you would be discussing it. But having a five year FWB arrangement has given him no reason to do much else. He’s getting regular good sex with someone he cares about a lot; he has no other responsibilities, no other demands on his time; he’s pretty much free to do whatever he wants and he knows you’ll still be there. We don’t see the incentive for him to do much else, at least from his perspective. Do you? (Note: We do think that having a committed relationship is enough incentive for many guys.)

Your daughter may be complicating matters a bit, but it’s not like he’s unaware of her. We know you said you’re not the kind of girl who pours their heart out to a guy, but we do think you need to talk to him about how you feel. You say you don’t want to lose one of the best things that has crossed your path, but what do you really have now? You don’t really have a relationship, you don’t really have this guy? You have semi-regular fun together and that’s it. If you truly want more with this man, then talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel, and what you want, and ask him where his head’s at. If he says he’s unsure, or just doesn’t know, then it’s time to move on, because he’s had plenty of time to figure out what he wants. Believe us, he knows even if he doesn’t say it.

This may or may not turn out the way you hope, but at least you’ll have some answers and know you did everything in your power to make things work. And you’ll have no regrets, which is so important.

Good luck. We hope this works out for you. Please feel free to ask us a follow up question, or another question. Leave us a comment in the comments section below.

Also, you might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebeccas, a memoir.” Start from the beginning with the introduction and read Ch. 1  and Ch. 2. And please let your friends know about us. Thanks!



Read other posts about Friends with Benefits. FWB

The Ex Files: Friends with benefits? 

Are we friends with benefits or does he want something more? 

Booty call or relationship trouble 

Divorced and now online dating: Am I booty call or more?

I suggested friends with benefits; did I just dig myself into a hole?

Friends with benefits; why me?

Friends with benefits? 


145 Comments on Friends with Benefits; Is there a chance he could fall for me?

  1. @Trixie….Okay, thanks for filling us in. We get the sense that this guy has a long way to go until he’s ready to be in a committed relationship. Or rather, we get the sense that he’s not really even sure what a committed relationship “looks like.” He definitely cares for you, but he’s not willing to give up everything else to be with you. This is a sign of someone who’s either: Immature, selfish, or misinformed. Sure, we’re all for friendships outside the primary relationship, but not when those relationships pose a threat to the primary one. Hanging out with ex-girlfriends is not really okay, unless it’s clearly established that the relationship is platonic. How does that look? What does that mean? It means your boyfriend and his ex would go out of their way to make it obvious and clear that nothing is going on. He’s not doing that. She’s not doing that. And frankly, the blame falls on him, not her. He’s the one that needs to set the tone and make sure the boundaries are clear. Bottom Line: This guy is a long-term project. How do you feel about that? Is that something you want to commit your emotional energy to? Is he worth it? He might be a great guy in a lot of ways, but if you can’t rely on him, or can’t trust him, you don’t have much of a relationship. Your thoughts?

  2. …and there-in lies the problem, lol. He is a selfish person, I’ve told him that many times. Part of the problem is when I told him I’m choosing not to play by just his ‘rules’ anymore. It appears ex-girlfriends are either standing in my way or me theirs…
    He will not volunteer information but will tell you if you str8 out ask..I did ask if he’s slept with her, was told no..I believe. He has never lied, or I’ve never caught him lying, to me before. She’s a reason to not commit but I believe once he ‘resolves’ the ‘issues’ with her…there will be someone or something else..seems there always is. I handle a REASON, I can’t handle excuses.
    I’m successful, confident, educated, attractive woman and know what I bring to the table, have passed up many opportunities to c where this goes and it’s gone nowhere…I wonder what I’ve missed out on….
    He wastes a lot of time chasing ghosts.
    I’m thinking maybe some time and distance, maybe if he misses me it will clarify for him how he does/does not feel about me and maybe he’ll have some major epiphany. Yes?
    In the interim maybe I should entertain the idea of exploring other options that may lend some clarity about what im looking for or need too?may

  3. @Trixie……We’re not sure he’s ready for clarification, or for any sort of epiphany. We can hope. Sure he might miss you, but it’s also likely he’ll fall into his same old behavioral pattern. We like your idea of exploring other options, or at least trying to be open to other/new possibilities. Like we said, he’s a long-term project. Who knows if/when he’ll get his act together. You certainly don’t want to be kept in a holding pattern while he galavants with his exes. You sound like an interesting woman with a lot going for her, we’re sure there are a ton of guys that would be interested. (You probably know that) What do you think? What’s your plan of action?

  4. I believe your right..he’s a long-term project and at this point it’s him that needs to do the work…not me. He called after I sent last post – we had plans to go sleddin (I’m a huge fan of ski-dooing!). He knows I made other plans and he called to ask with who…after finding out its a guy he asks if we want to go with them…not something he would normally do at all. I declined and explained that we can remain best friends but the physical side of things needs to stop permanently and immediately. He didn’t say a word. I tried to explain that I’m less of a friend when clouded by emotions and that’s what the situation is doing. Impeding my judgement, allowing bias to creep into our friendship…he hung up on me.
    My ex husband and I are great friends, I’m lucky that way. He sees sad when he looks at me he said…that’s NOT me. Am always smiling, can make new friend standing in a line…that bothers me. He told me that I love hard and give all of me..he’s right. But he also said its often wasted on the wrong people because I’m a “fixer”, lol. That is what this is. He said there will b a ton of guys that don’t deserve me (might b some of his own regrets talking there, huh).
    I’m going to leave it where it is and hope for the best whether with him or anyone else…I think I have a plan.

  5. @Trixie…..It sounds like you’ve got a solid course of action. So you’re friends with your ex? He seems like he knows you well. Any chance of reconciliation since you’re already friends? Just curious. Please keep us posted on how you’re doing. And ask as many questions as you’d like. Take care. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Also help a fellow reader. Take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.

  6. LOL, he does know me well and he should we were together for almost 15 years. But no, no chance of reconciliation. We own a business together, it’s very successful so we didn’t want to lose it, we are involved with one another daily, either business or children related. working out our differences was essential. As well as our business I’m also Involved in large commercial real estate and the O&M of large public facilities, we rely on one another a lot to b successful in what we do…it ends there.

  7. @Trixie………That sounds like a positive relationship. It’s impressive that the two of you were able to work things out so amicably. Keep us posted on how things unfold, or come back and ask another question anytime. Thanks for sharing our site. Take care.

  8. I met a guy 9 years younger while going through a separation, I have 1 child
    Lots of flirting at first , then endless texts till all hours of the night. Nothing sexual at all he just made me happy. Then he asked what I wanted , lied and said to b friends, I had so much happening and not much to offer. Contact eased but I missed his attention and kept perusing out friendship. He was distant but would text back some times. Finally I flirted he shut me down & said nothing would happen while I had so much happening .
    I bumped into him a few months later and was great to see him, later that night I heard from him, I had told him I was now single . Things got flirty quick and I visited him , we kissed and I went back several times , he then went cold again after asking again what I wanted, scared he’d reject me I said fwb !!!
    So nothing to heavy happened before again he went cold on me. I have to be clear here although some times he was friendly and great, other times he made contact when it suited, catch ups when it suited him
    So again it ended
    The last few months it has started again . This time more intense. We have been the full fwb scenario. I have to say I make contact most this time and recently realised I was far to envolved, contacted him more than he me. But things were going great, I had started to realise he had control, I had feelings and asked if he had any, I wanted to know where I stood , I told him I cared about him but didn’t want more than fwb, honestly that’s a lie, I just kept saying it. He said he cares to but he to didn’t want more . So things have plodded along , I tried to stop texting before he texted me etc but started to feel insecure because he was always doing some thing and felt I obviously wasn’t a priority unless it suited.
    Recently there has been more emotion talk, I know however he was seeing others or at least one person, I have started mending things with my ex and have been honest about this , I should have stopped contact but he’s almost become a habit!
    So things were still good then a week ago he starts not bring so flirty, I’m upfront with him, have always been clear its ok for our arrangement to end. He says yes it’s done . Old story says not me, not seeing anyone but done thing has happened & he needs to stop . I was hurt and made that clear, pathetically begging for an explanation . I pulled myself together and realised how silly I was sounding. I stopped texting and trying to work it out. But he’s being relentless, telling me he cares , to please not hate him, to understand there’s no one else and it’s not me, checking up on me to make sure I’m ok. Ringing to make me understand , wanting my support while he sorts his issue out , that its only for now it’s got to stop the fwb side.
    I’m confused, is it a lie , nothing’s happening he just wants to end it peacefully ? Is he seeing someone, he’s so convincing that’s not it, is he struggling with his sexuality ? He says what he’s going through no one but me knows done things up…. He’s always been more fond of the before sex rather than the act itself… It makes me wonder
    My gut says he’s just not into me any more cause u tend to get clingy, we have a joke about that and he says its funny he knows what I’m like and it’s just me

    If it’s the above why does he keep trying so hard to tell me this isn’t what he wants , being it to end, it’s what he has to do for now?
    He won’t tell me specifically what the go is!!
    Please give me your opinions… He’s always thought we can’t work because of our age difference and we have slot of mutual friends that don’t have a clue this is going on with us

  9. I forgot to mention this has been over a year and a half

  10. @Katie….Don’t be so sure your friends have no clue. Anyway, this is a classic case of someone “wishing” he was into it, but knowing he’s not. We’re not saying he’s not attracted to you, but he’s not all in with the relationship. It’s hard to say why but if we had to speculate we’d say it’s likely the age difference and the fact that you have a child, AND that you have an ex. (Many guys want to have their own family, and not begin something complicated.) We can’t comment on his sexuality. We’d have to really know him. So the question is: What do you want Katie? Do you want your ex back, or this guy, or something else?

  11. Hi,
    I don’t really know where to start, but i’m 19 now, and i’ve been on and off with this guy since i’m 15. We were constantly breaking up and getting back together, and yeah, at the time it was only puppy dog love, but now i do have really strong feelings for him. One thing is though, he’s cheated on other girlfriends in the past and 1 or 2 of them he’s cheated on were with me. yeah, i know, i’m horrible for that. but recently we’ve been getting along really well again, and we were thinking about getting back together, but one of my biggest concerns is that he’ll cheat on me. So we decided the other day to be friends with benefits, which i think is a great idea, because that way, we still get to talk to each other, but not have the commitment thing or me being worried that he’s going to lie or cheat, because if its just sex, its just sex.and i’m fine with that. but now talking to him, he’s saying he wants more.. he said he doesnt want just a sexual relationship, and that he loves me. i really dont know what to do. I know he does care, and i know he’s never cheated on me, but it still doesnt leave my trust for him to be very strong.

  12. Thanks guys for responding so quick, your great
    What do I want? I don’t know! I can’t end my ties with my ex, it’s to much to loose, and I don’t tell my fwb how involved with my ex because I know morally he wouldn’t like it
    I want his attention,, I want to know why it’s so hot and cold with my fwb but he just won’t tell me….. I want to keep it as it is, fwb works for me, but I’m just more emotionally involved than I should be.
    I really enjoy it when it’s working well so I guess now he’s gone cold again I end up a bit lost, like I said I luv the attention and when we get together the benefits themselves are great ! I really feel a loss without him around which is so dumb, it’s not a relationship right ? We never r always behind closed doors . Did I set the standard by turning him away initially ?
    I have so much baggage as you said and just find it hard that because of it it may be stopping us from being more
    If my ex finds out about us he will end it for good, I can’t have that happen but can’t let go of the fwb, fact is I think my fwb is giving me no choice because he’s putting a hold on it
    So is he emotionally involved , he says he is, but sees no long term point to it? Is that what u think ? He says though stopping isn’t forever … I don’t get that … Why does he get so involved then almost freak and run a mile???
    Thank you for your perspective it’s so confusing

  13. @Lousie………There are no guarantees with anything. Yes, it’s hard for people to change who they are, but some people mature and grow from their experiences. Others don’t of course. Our best advice is to follow your gut. Relationships are all about risk. But better that than regret. But now you’re in kind of a no-man’s land. We definitely don’t recommend a FWB arrangement. All you’re doing is trying not to get hurt. That’s not how relationships work.

  14. @Katie……It’s always best to figure out one situation then deal with the next. You’ve muddied the waters by having both relationships running concurrently. Our advice: Bag the FWB and figure out what you want to do with your ex. If that doesn’t work out, move on. We still don’t think this FWB arrangement is going to lead to much. It rarely does.

  15. Hey Guys, im really hoping you can help!

    My brother moved down to texas from oregon with 2 other guys, one happened to be my age exactly. We kinda hung out a little, but i didnt really get to know him. At one point he broke his arm really bad, requiring surgery. Since his other friends (besides my brother) dicked out on him I ended up staying with my brother and him at the hospital so he wouldnt be alone…i didnt know my brother was going to stay. that night we texted for hours, telling eachother so much about ourselves, it was amazing and i began to feel a crush coming on. after he got out of the hospital we were more friendly but still not anything more than casual friends. Well, at one point i had gotten stoop up by a guy i was dating and said to hell with it and had a rowdy (drinking) night with my brother and his friends, including this one guy. We were flirting and i was having a blast. Well, a month later he flies this girl down from oregon he had been talking to. I was not completely devastated, but i was hurt so i stopped talking to him. Then he broke up with the crazy girl and sent her packing. So we kinda started haning out again. We went places together with my son, and he would carry my son around, put him in and take him out of his carseat and such, so for a mom this completely melted my heart. Then he flew another girl down. I once again became hurt and pissed. and basically stopped talking to him for months, besides the occasional chit chat when i was at my moms house (the guys live in a trailer next door).
    Well he broke up with this girl too and she went back home. He ended up staying here for christmas by himself, his friends went back for a visit. So he hung out with my family and he and i started talking again. we ended up talking about being fwb. and like a moron i agreed, because i just wanted to be with him somehow. When i asked him if he enjoyed it he said it was alright, not the best and he considers me a rookie – oh and he threw in an “not trying to be rude” statement. so that really blew my ego apart and we texted still but it was awkward, and then i got over it because hes amazing in bed.

    Well after we do have sex he doesnt talk to me as much, but he still kidna does. a couple of weeks ago i told him that this fwb thing wasnt working for me because he was a horrible fwb because he only wanted it when he wanted it, not when i did. well we were at their house and the my brother and the other guy walked out for a minute and he came over and kissed me. not trying for anything more, just a kiss. a few days later the super bowl light thing made us bored so he asked if i would take him to get some food, since he had been drinking. i told him i would and when we were there, he playing shoved a cinnamon roll in my face but the icing was super hot and it burned my lip and i told him so and he just smiled and pulled me close and kissed me – again nothing more.

    We have talked about what scares us, what we want from life. He decided to stay in texas, and im secretly thrilled…but i dont know if he wants anything more. Hes not a player, he doesnt go for multiple people at one time. He said hes horrible with relationships and is tired of trying for a while. Im not dumb, im aware this could be a line.

    So, Guys, does he like me, or does he just want sex, even if im just a rookie? And if so, why would he just kiss me trying to make me feel better?


    P.S. we are both 24, and he doesnt know that my brother knows about us. i coulndt lie to my brother and my brother said it didnt bother him because we’re both adults.

  16. @Jo…….First of all, thanks for your donation. We do appreciate it! To your question: Understand that guys usually know right away what kind of potential they see in a woman. 1. Not interested in any way. 2. Cool girl. Friends. 3. Physically attracted to woman, but not exactly what they’re looking for. Turns into FWB or Booty Call. 4. Relationship potential. Honestly, he doesn’t seem interested in you the way you’re interested in him, otherwise he wouldn’t have flown those other women in to be with him. He wouldn’t have wasted his time with them when he had something great right in front of him. He didn’t do that. He also made the insensitive comment about you being a rookie in bed. He wasn’t saying what you think he was saying. He wasn’t saying you weren’t good in bed. He was confirming that he doesn’t feel how he wants to feel about you. He’s probably not great with words and that’s how it came out. Or, he didn’t want to tell you what was really on his mind. We honestly don’t see this going anywhere. Sorry. We wish we could say otherwise, but we see a lot of confusion and resentment in the near future if you continue with him. However, the only way to know for sure. (Or as sure as you can be.) You need to have a conversation with this guy ASAP, especially since your son is involved. We don’t see this transitioning from the FWB arrangement to a committed relationship, but you never know. We urge you to start talking about all of this. (Your feelings, what you want, what he wants) We’re not guaranteeing a great outcome. He may freak out and want nothing to do with you, but at least you’ll know what’s going on. That’s better than uncertainty, isn’t it? Another piece of advice: (We know you probably know this) But…. in the future: You might not want to involve your son with guys you’re dating until you know for sure the guy is here to stay. Your son is of course your first priority and his welfare is key. Kids don’t do well with people coming in and out of their lives. Good luck. Other questions?

  17. So I’m confused about the kisses then, was he just seeing me as a friend and trying to make me feel better? Or was it to placate me so I wouldn’t quit our arrangement? Also, I do want to clarify that he and I have been friends for almost a year before becoming fwbs, that’s when he built the relationship with my son.

  18. And does it make a difference I he was planning on moving back when he had those gfs? He’s decided to stay here permanently. I know I’m grasping at straws here haha

  19. @Jo…..Thanks for clarifying about your son. To your question: Yes, you might be grasping at straws. Sorry. The kisses are part of the whole deal….so arrangement will continue. Unfortunately we’re going to stick to our original advice. We don’t see any of this new info changing anything. What’s your plan?

  20. I think I’ll just back off for a while, see what happens then. I’m more open to the possibility of other men coming into my life now, so hopefully we’ll see. Thank you guys so much, even though it wasnt what i wanted to hear! the truth hurts lol :) you guys rock

  21. Hey Guys!
    So I have this FWB situation that is getting kind of messy. It all started the day of Halloween I was walking down the street with my roommate and she saw people she had class with. One of them I thought was kind of cute so I talked to him. We really hit it off and him and his roommate walked me and my one roommate home. I didn’t really think anything of it since I was seeing someone at the time. When January came around I saw this guy at the bars. We made awkward eye contact. I was sitting at the bars with two friends and he walked behind me to buy a drink. I started up a conversation with him and he let me drink his beer. Soon I got pretty drunk and I asked him if he had plans that night. He said no and asked me if I was trying to hang out and I said yes. He said that he would hang out later but he wanted to stay a little longer. When we did leave one of my friends that came with me said that he was hitting on her. I didn’t think anything of it because I told him to hook her up with his friend because she thought he was attractive and maybe she just got the wrong impression. She is one of those girls who only dates guys and doesn’t believe in FWB. This guy and I took a cab back to my place and did everything but sex. The next day we did have sex. After that, we didn’t have sex anymore. Once in a while we would do oral but most of the time we were cuddling and making out about twice a week on the weekends. We did this for three months. Sometimes we would go to my place or his place. We would also talk a lot since we had a lot of things in common such as political orientation, favorite tv shows, need to watch the news and a passion for business. Not so long ago my one friends (the same one who told me she thought he was hitting on her) told me that she and our friend who has been hooking up with my guy’s roommate were at his apartment. She said he didn’t put any moves on her or buy her get any drinks. Although this isn’t too bad, during that time I did text him for a booty call and he told me he was working. I am not upset that my friends were over at his place, I was upset that he lied to me. I started to through him curveballs when he texted me. He invited me to his fraternity’s initiation party the weekend after and I went to it with my roommate. I was so upset that I threw him more curveballs there. I was being a bitch about everything until he wanted to talk about it. I was caught, I didn’t think he would want to talk about it. So I told him that I caught him lying but he said he didn’t lie to me, and yes that my friends were over but he has only been hooking up with me. I am really upset that he lied to be but he said that he likes me and wouldn’t invite me if he didn’t like me. I really don’t know what this all means. After that day he said that he liked what we were doing before and I told him I didn’t like it anymore. He questioned if I didn’t want him liking me and I responded not this way. Then he wanted to know in what way so I didn’t respond. Now he is really insisting we get dinner regardless that I keep telling him I’m busy. He wants to take me to dinner at the restaurant he goes to with his family when they are in town. I thought he was bullshitting but I did see on Facebook that the restaurant is where is goes to with his family. I started to realize that I have way too many emotions for FWB, but I don’t know what his game is. What do you Guys think of the situation?


  22. @Sara……It’s the typical confusing stuff that happens with FWB. Sorry, we know that doesn’t help, but this is why we don’t recommend this sort of thing. Talk to him. Tell him what you want and that you’ve developed feelings. See where he’s at. If he’s wishy washy at all, or tells you he isn’t sure, or that he needs more time, or freaks out, then you have your answer: MOVE ON.

  23. hey i had this FWB for 2 months. we was friends at first for 2 years. while in this FWB i was in a relationship with another person and the both of them did not know….. my boyfirend soon found out that i was cheating on him and my FWB found out that i had a boyfriend….. now my FWB parter do no talk to me any more…. i have a greater amount of feelings for him rather than my boyfriend. i want to become FWB with him again but i do not know how to tell him because he is not talking to me…. i need help.

  24. @Juliet……Understand that guys are territorial. Even though the very nature of a FWB is open—technically you didn’t cheat on him. (Your boyfriend is another matter.) But still, he doesn’t want you sleeping with anyone else. So it’s likely he feels betrayed and possibly hurt even if he doesn’t show it. Try to explain to him that you didn’t realize how much you cared about him, and that you’re hoping the two of you can start over and work towards a committed relationship. But honestly, it’s a long shot. He’s probably going to ignore you, or not be interested. Guys our proud. So the best advice we can give you is: Learn from this and move on.

  25. Dear Guys,

    For three months I’ve been in a sort of arrangement with a guy, it’s not exactly that we are friends with benefits as it is a rather complex to explain.

    I am a virgin, and he has know from the beggining. As soon as I told him he started being extra careful when we where together, I was surprised that he would wait, as he is older than me and quite experienced. In spite of not having sex everytime we’ve seen each other we’ve masturbated each other, but he is more concentrated on pleasuring me than on getting pleasure himself.

    For two months, we met every week or so but last month he suddenly starting talking to me through Whatsapp every night and never mentioning sex or anything related, just asknig how was my day, talking about our childhoods or about what we wanted for the future. I freaked out and got angry because he said he was suddenly too busy to see me, something related with his job.

    We kept talking every night and suddenly we were arguing very often, me complaining about not seeing each other for almost a month, as I told him that if he wasn’t interested anymore we could just stop it as it would be better, him about me “pressuring” him.

    Tired of it all, I sent him a rather blunt text ending it. He promised over and over that we haven’t seen each other only because of his job and that this month is going to be diferent but I don’t know what to think of him anymore.

    To make things worse, i think I might be developing feelings fot him even though I am the one who points out every now and then that this is “mainly sex”. He has told me several times that he finds it hard to trust women because he ended up getting hurt in his last relationship due to trust issues. I am terrified of him emotionally hurting me.

    Any ideas on what I should expect out of this relationship? Should I trust him when he says it’s just because of his job that we haven’t seen each other? Should I hint that I might something more?

  26. Dear Guys,

    For three months I’ve been in a sort of arrangement with a guy, it’s not exactly that we are friends with benefits as it is a rather complex to explain.

    I am a virgin, and he has know from the beggining. As soon as I told him he started being extra careful when we where together, I was surprised that he would wait, as he is older than me and quite experienced. For two months, we met every week or so but last month he suddenly starting talking to me through Whatsapp every night and never mentioning sex or anything related. I freaked out and got angry because he said he was suddenly too busy to see me, something related with his job.

    We kept talking every night and suddenly we were arguing very often, me complaining about not seeing each other for almost a month, as I told him that if he wasn’t interested anymore we could just stop it as it would be better, him about me “pressuring” him.

    Tired of it all, I sent him a rather blunt text ending it. He promised over and over that we haven’t seen each other only because of his job and that this month is going to be diferent but I don’t know what to think of him anymore.

    To make things worse, i think I might be developing feelings fot him even though I am the one who points out every now and then that this is “mainly sex”. He has told me several times that he finds it hard to trust women because he ended up getting hurt in his last relationship due to trust issues.

    Any ideas on what I should expect out of this relationship? Should I trust him when he says it’s just because of his job that we haven’t seen each other? Should I hint that I might something more?

  27. @Nana……Why don’t you believe him? Has he given you a reason not to trust him? That is, besides the fact that you’re in a Booty Call situation which is ripe for this sort of confusion. it’s hard to say what’s going to happen in this situation, but you need to keep your expectations to a minimum. If he wanted a serious relationship with you it just seems like he would have asked you. What is the age difference? How old are you? Him?

  28. I don’t trust him because he keeps contradicting himself with the whole “this is just for fun” thing, while sometimes he is quite clear about it he gets angry if I ask if we stand in a Booty Call situation, and claims that we would not talk so often if it was that. And it’s just hard to belive he hasnt found time in a whole month.

    Besides the fact that he is 27 and I am 21 makes me wonder if I am being played with. Even more, when we’ve met he has acted strangely sometimes holding hands or kissing my forehead. It consuses me to the point thatI dont know what I want anymore.

  29. @Nana….Trust your gut. We think he’s playing you as well. But it’s up to you to decide. Good luck.

  30. Thanks guys i will try to move on but i will miss my FWB an what we had together because it was the best times of my life.

  31. Hey, guys!
    My story goes like this: I have one work colleague that is also my friend and also wants to be my…friend with benefits. I don’t get it! I don’t know if he is afraid to have some different kind of relationship with me or he just don’t want to. We had a discution about what am I to him. He told me that I am a really good friend to him, that shares with me things that he only shares with his 3 best friends and also that he has a reeaally intense and pasionate desire to have sex with me, that he finds me really attractive. But he added that because we are co-workers the situation will be strange to have a relationship because we already spend too much time together and that he can’t handle a situation like this.That he doesn’t want to hurt me by being friends with benefits either. Also he said that he wants to go to work abroad and that again will be a reason for which he sees a relationship between us as ..difficult.He added that he is not mature and responsible enough to handle such a situation.The discussion with him ended with him telling me that he hopes that this talk won’t affect our twisted co-workers-friends…with no sex benefits relationship. I know that he is sincere, but it is kind of difficult for me to understand what he feels for me. Moreover he keeps me there…in the grey area of friends. I am stuck. He is not..he’s just happy searching for girlfriends and telling me that he cares for me a lot!

  32. @Ana….If he wanted a serious relationship with you he would have pursued that avenue. The fact that he suggested FWB tells you where you stand with him. That’s not going to change. For whatever reason that’s how he sees you. Sorry.

  33. FWB sucks.

    I met a guy online. Granted his profile said only looking for “friends and activity partners”. Anyhow we start chatting and we hit it off great. He’s always telling me how awesome I am etc. Whatever. He just got out of a LTR about 5 months ago and clearly isn’t interested in a relationship. So I think he was looking for FWB, but that’s not what I’m looking for.

    He wanted to just be friends then, but he knows I like him and I think he’s just waiting for my resolve to crumble on the physical part. Plus I’m filling emotional gaps and providing on-demand entertainment when he’s lonely. Meanwhile I’m getting attached.

    So I finally just said ‘no thanks’. He knows I want more. I understand he’s not at the right place.

    I’m 99.9% I did the right thing for me. But I can’t stop hoping that when he is ready for a relationship he might contact me.

    Long way of asking…would a guy consider a real realtionship with someone they previously only wanted a FWB with but did not get? Or does the fact that he wanted FWB mean I’m just not relationship material in his eyes at all?

  34. @Quinn…….Anything is possible of course. Timing often plays a part in relationships. That said, it all depends why he wanted to be FWB. If it was because he didn’t see long term potential with you then no. But if it’s about timing, then it’s possible. So basically we didn’t answer your question. Sorry. There really is no answer. Our advice: Move on if possible. There are other guys out there who will be interested from the get go. Take care.

  35. I have a guy friend in my group I’ve had a crush on for a year. He never indicated he liked me other than a little flirting mixed with intermittent bouts of ignoring me. Our friends told me he liked me. In the last few months we’ve hooked up (no sex just make outs and a sleepover once). The problem is when he sees me he either is trying to make out w me or not attentive at all, he isnt consistent with his behavior. He’s never asked me out on a date. A few months ago I got drunk and slept with another guy friend in the group and he brings it up to me all the time althought he isn’t 100% sure it happened he swears I told him i did. I lied to him because I didn’t want to ruin my chances with him and since then we have made out but he seems like he only wants to try and get me into bed. Is there any chance of him ever asking me out on a date? Most of our interactions are while we are all out drinking and I don’t hold my alcohol well. I’ve tried flirting with him recently, he even asked me one night while the group was out what I was doing the next day but he never asked me to do anything with him. I’m confused. He doesn’t text or call me at all but alternates between being all over me and not paying attention to me at all when I see him, should I give up? Should I try ignoring him? Help!

  36. @Jaycee……..So we’re assuming this is a group of people you’ve always hung out. (How old are you? Him?) It’s difficult to move from the friend zone to a relationship, but in your case even trickier, because you seeing him would completely change the dynamic of the group. And it’s likely he’s not eager to do that even if he does try to fool around with you. We don’t think he’s serious about you, although we do think he’s attracted to you. Our sense is, the nights he feels loose, or maybe horny, are the nights he hits on you and tries to get you in bed. The other nights when he’s feeling more serious, or hasn’t had as much drink, or isn’t horny, or is interested in some other girl in the group, he ignores you. And the fact that he hasn’t asked you out apart from this group tells us he’s really only interested in FWB. You can try ignoring him. It might get his attention. But that doesn’t mean it will suddenly transform his intentions. Maybe it’s time to meet someone outside of this group?

  37. Hi guys im so confused and need your help! Ive had a FWB for coming up a year. We meet up every couple of weeks usually at his place. Most recently we hadnt met up for 5 weeks and i get a random txt on sunday night. I had a busy weekend and couldnt meet. He txt me again on the monday eve and then again on tuesday about half 5. I cant answer my phone at work and had 3 messages from him within an hour. I eventually called him and he asked if i wanted to see him that night. I said i would go after work. He then started asking me about what times i start work/finish work and then asked if i wanted to bring my toothbrush. Ive stayed at his a couple of times but only usually if its got late or ive met him after a drunk night. He doesnt usually ask straight out. He works ridiculously early so i didnt really want to stay but thought id go with the flow and took a bottle of wine with me. When i got there he started asking if i wanted anything to eat (somerhing hes never done before) and questioned why i was only having half a glass of wine and not a whole one. I told him i hadnt quite decided if i was going to stay. He had something to eat himself ( i declined) and then we ended up kissing in his living room. He suddenly stopped and asked me when the last time id had sex was and i told him tje last time was with him (and that he could do the maths) he said that he was the same. We kissed again and then he told me i was “perfect” and “i dont want to have sex with anyone else” this took me by surprise abit and didnt really know what to say. I do really like the guy and i do think a part of me wants him to like me as more than a FWB so am i reading too much into this thinking that he likes me more than just this? We ended up in bed as we usually do but then he took me by surprise again and asked me to “make love” to him. I was so shocked i then said that “loves a strong word” he dint really say much and we continued to have sex which was prob the best wed ever had. Again during he then said “praps we should leave it this long again so its as good as this next time.” Again i really didnt know what to say so sort of shrugged it off. Sorry its so long but what i want to know really is from the above has this guy just spilled his heart to me and ive unknowingly at the time knocked him back or was he just spinning me lines to gwt me into bed (even tho he shoukd know by now it was a done deal already)? What should i do about it all?

  38. @Danni……This is the problem with FWB. They’re confusing. Maybe he’s blurring the lines, but until he says to you, “I want to be in a committed relationship with you. Do you want that?” then it’s all hormones talking. (Yes, even if he doesn’t need to.) It’s hormones and foreplay for the next time. Why haven’t you discussed this with him? What do you have to lose? As it is, this is going nowhere. He’s getting sex so there’s no reason for him to do anything else. FYI: Guys can be territorial even if they don’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want you having sex with anyone else.

  39. Hi Guys ! Here’s my dilemma,

    Last year I ran into an old friend from School,We started talking a few months after this, and hanging out,Watching movies together.We did not have sex for a month or so of hanging out. I wouldn’t let it happen that soon.After the first time we didn’t speak for 4 months,Not that I didn’t want to, The first time didn’t go well,Let’s leave it at that.I understood he was probably embarrassed so I let it go so he could work that out with himself.
    After the 4 months I got a surprise msg from him asking if I wanted to hang out,I said sure, and went over his house.As usual, He is always the first to pull me closer,and we did have sex again. Let me say that I do care deeply for him after all this time and Yes I’m pretty sure now I Love Him that took a lot for me to admit! No pressure from me though,So the FWB I guess went on and on,from last year til now. When I am with him he does these little things that make me wonder if he’s contemplating more with me. He has told me He missed me before,I know he Loves the sex with me, that’s not the issue Though the last few times have become “more intimate” between us, he never gives me oral, then he did I was shocked and quite happy,.another time after sex one night he walked up to me and kissed my forehead,and he’s always concerned about my pleasure.Is that normal for FWB’s ? and we sat together on the bed another time just talking and he kept looking at me and then looking away with a smile on his face.Kinda shy like. That was last fall.And once when we were both at a friends Bday party I danced with our mutual friend and my FWB’s literally picked up his his chair and turned away so he didn’t look our way?? Also when I was there I asked if I can go get some water,He said It’s your house too you can do what you want ? confusing behavior,He doesn’t get close to me around our friends so I see it as I’m just a booty for him. Yet,It has been almost a year since it started back up in Sept.2012. I don’t think he wants more.Don’t think he’s sleeping with anyone else.But dk. But the last time we were together he started asking me questions like “If we were together would we have sex every day,BJ etc..He also grabbed me when I tried to get over him in bed to go to the BR (after sex and some sleeping),and he hugged me tightly to him and started kissing my shoulder,neck and face,and just holding me tightly and I hugged him back just as tightly for a few minutes. Why would he ask me those kind of questions and be like that with me ? Is he thinking it out or am I just reading it wrong? He’s so confusing ! I miss him when we aren’t together, but I won’t pressure him or act like some crazy chic I won’t call him, He always calls me.I want to, but don’t want to seem anxious.Is he that good a player? or are these little signs possibly genuine?? Please help me put this into more of a perspective.
    Thank you for your time guys <3 Any suggestions would be helpful. Oh and I'm no teenager,I'm 41.I know I should probably know all this already lol

  40. @Leilyn…….Whether he’s a player or not is hard to say. But being in a FWB arrangement doesn’t usually lead to something more serious. It’s a way for a guy to get his needs met—physical and emotional—but still be free to do whatever he pleases. (hang out with his friends and date or sleep with other women.) So if he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend by now, it’s unlikely he’s going to. That said, why can’t you have the conversation? You don’t have much to lose. If he says no, or says he isn’t sure, well, at least you’ll know where you stand. That’s better than the unknown. Don’t you think?

  41. Hi Guys,
    Ah.. another girl with fwb problems — I bet you get these a lot 😉 Anyways, basically would like some advice on my current fwb situation.

    My guy and I met randomly about a year ago and immediately jumped into a regular fuck buddy relationship. We would only text about sex and meet one or twice a week for sex and he would leave. No sleeping over.. pretty straight to the point.

    However, I would say about 3 months ago we just started getting a lot more close…and in the last month VERY close. In the sense that we now regularly go to the gym together, we’ve been doing a bit of collaborative work projects, he comes over 4-5 times a week.. we have long passionate sex sessions, he cuddles after and will even come over when he knows we can’t have sex. He calls me beautiful, started calling me my nickname, calls me baby and says I’m his girl, jokingly asks me to marry him (we both have very negative views on marriage) and wanted me to meet some of his relatives while they were down visiting. I never ended up getting the chance but still he said he wanted me to meet them.

    Anyways we’ve both been so adamant about not having relationships and always have long rants about ridiculous people who buy into marriage etc. that I feel as though we’ve almost screwed ourselves in the event that we DID want to turn this into something more… His actions lately have made me fall for him (clearly….) and it would be nice to see if we could have the security of more. However if he doesn’t want that I;m still cool with what he have as long as he doesn’t go and date someone else, or have an emotional connection with someone else.

    So, I guess knowing that, my question is how can I breach this subject of our obvious connection/the possibility of more without seeming like a ridiculous emotional girl and without scaring him off? Its like we both KNOW how much we like each other and see the drastic shift in our relationship but we’re both too scared to say anything and fuck it up… Is he scared to admit he has feelings for me as well? He only had one serious gf who broke his heart and ever since I think he’s kept this player attitude but really he is so kindhearted and caring under his facade.

    In a few days it will mark one year that I’ve been single.. I said I was going to stay single for a year and he knows it.. I wonder if somehow I could use that to bring it up.

    Thanks! :-)
    – Kaleigh

  42. @Kaleigh……If you bring it up and he freaks out what exactly have you lost? Maybe a sex partner, someone to hang out with. If he freaks out then he wasn’t what you thought he was anyway, and what you have/had is a mirage. Someone’s got to take the risk. It sounds like it’s going to have to be you. But let’s back up. You didn’t screw yourself. People change. Relationships change. Situations change. Nothing is set in stone. If it’s clear that both of you are falling for the other, then jeez, just come out and say it. Life and relationships are all about risk. No way around it. No guarantees, except you’ll have more info than you have now.

  43. Hi guys,
    I’ve been really good friends with a guy for 5 years and we’ve been friends with benefits for that duration. We talk like normal friends mostly via text and messaging and have met on platonic terms in the past. However we haven’t met platonically for the past 2 years. He says he really wants to and I really want to too but he’s always incredibly busy (He works 5 days a week, goes gym 5x a week, spends lots of time with family). He always says he’d love to see me and doesn’t want me to feel like he’s using me because we are really good friends and doesn’t want to ruin that.
    The last time we met in a dodgy way, we planned to meet platonically the day after, but on the next day when we were supposed to meet he got busy… I feel like such an idiot for being as stupid for do sexual things with him thinking we would meet properly later. I should’ve just used that opportunity I had with him just to talk casually but I didn’t. Now I keep bugging him to see if he’s free and I feel upset at myself because I’ve put myself in this situation. I feel like I need to see him in a casual way to counterbalance the dodgy meeting. And because he’s constantly busy… it’s difficult to meet him and get this crap out of my head and out of my system. :(
    I can’t force him to stop being busy and meet me. Do you have any idea how I can feel better about this?
    Thanks incredibly for your time xx

  44. Beatriz C. // January 14, 2014 at 12:02 am //

    Dear Guys,

    My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about 7 months. We recently took a break from our relationship because we both realized it was not working out. But we both don’t want to lose each other either, so we’re considering becoming friends with benefits. We have both discussed how we aren’t the couple that will ever say “I love you” to each other, we just like spending time together without all of the extra things that come with being in a relationship. But we both still like each other, we each have said that we don’t want to talk to other people, and that we are the only people we will be involved with until we graduate in 6 months. I don’t know whether or not to pursue this FWB thing because it sounds like a good deal but I feel like one of us is going to get hurt by the way we set it up. Should we just give up on the idea or should we try it out?

    Thank you, B

  45. My guy have been seeing each other off and on for 9 months, and steadily for 4. Because of differing schedules we can only see each other on the weekends, which I completely understand. This past weekend we went out with a couple of his friends and he got a little drunk. We went back to his house and started fooling around (not unexpectedly). This time though, he hugged me to him and told me he loves me. During previous relationship discussions he’s said he just “wants to see how things go”. I suppose my question is, does he mean it or was it the beer talking? Or even better yet, will asking if he remembers telling me make him uncomfortable?

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