Getting back together: Is it possible?

• One of the Guys 2013-04-24 09:08:16 said:

  @Suzie.....We're sorry. We know this is really hard. So did you find out anything? Did you find out why he was coming home late? To us it seems like a classic case of: the best defense is a good offense. Meaning, he was doing something behind your back, but instead of admitting it, he lashed out and tried to reverse it all on you. That type of behavior in itself is a red-flag, above and beyond what he might have been up to. If you do get back together, do you think you'd be settling? Settling in the sense, you don't totally trust him, but you try to convince yourself that it's okay since you love him. If that's the case, you definitely don't want to do that. We think you need to think long and hard about this even if he does come back. And as far as that goes. The ball is in his court. Let him initiate contact.

• Suzie-Q 72 2013-04-23 16:34:42 said:

  Hi, I hope you can help even ease my broken heart :( My BF and I have been together a year, ever since our first date we have been head over heals for each other ( or so, I thought) Almost three weeks ago, he had been coming home late, without calling me for the first 2 nights, and by the third night, I wanted answers, so I asked him why he didn't call and if,something was going on. I didn't yell or anything, and was actually quite calm about it and He blew up at me, told me I didn't trust him, (he had a reputation of being a cheater)if I don't trust him there is no relationship, and just broke it off with me. It had been three weeks and I finally decided to go and talk to him, he welcomed me in hugged me right away and I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. I stayed for 4 hours and we just talked, I asked him if it was what he wanted and he would not answer me, we would talk about it and then we would talk about other topics, work, friends, etc...It was a good talk, I thought it ended well, he asked me come back, I asked him to call me, he said he would, he hasn't called back and it's been 6 days. I have called twice, but, he is terrible with the phone and I know that. Should I go back and talk to him or let this relationship go? I do love him and absolutely everything was fine the day before. He admitted he blew up for no reason and agreed that me expecting at least a phone call wasn't too much to ask. Help! I am going nuts, I am soooo confused. We are in our 40's, so this isn't a high school fling, I felt we were so right for each other.

• One of the Guys 2013-04-22 13:40:39 said:

  @Kitty.....Honestly, it sounds like he wants to be free to do whatever he pleases, and see you when he feels like. Doesn't sound like the best situation for you.

• Kitty 2013-04-22 10:32:32 said:

  Yes we did... But my boyfriend isn't the kind who can bring himself to do it with just anyone, if you do get what I meant.

• One of the Guys 2013-04-22 09:48:48 said:

  @Kitty.....Are the two of you still having sex as well? Has it turned into a FWB situation or a booty call? Please answer and we'll get back to you. It helps us understand the entire situation.

• Kitty 2013-04-21 09:39:11 said:

  Hi guys, I'm being caught in a really hopeless and helpless situation now and I really hope to receive a prompt reply ASAP. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months back as he started to feel pressurized by relationship. Throughout these 2 months, we're still in contact and have strings attached between us. Our situation has been on and off. He physically treats me like his girlfriend, yet makes it clear to me time after time that we're just friends. My boyfriend constantly talked to new girls and always got busted by me, as much as he's mad at me for invading his privacy he still eventually decided to give me reassurances. However, in my POV, I feel that he's just giving me reassurances to stop my paranoia. As he has been pressurized by the fact that I doubt and throw him with questions every now and then. We used to be working in the same company therefore things were easier for us, no matter what went wrong between us everything will eventually turned out fine after we see each other at work. However, I've just lost my job recently. We can no longer see each other at work despite how bad things are between us now. My boyfriend used to be a guy who abhors going to clubs and all. But recently, he has been enjoying himself going to drink/clubs with his friends. He indirectly asked me to leave him alone because he feels suffocated with me knowing his whereabouts and all. Yet whenever I get bullied, he would stand up for me and protect me without fail. His family isn't aware of our break up because we still have a vacation trip together with his family during June. I am confused, what I feel from my boyfriend and what I hear from my boyfriend are totally different. My boyfriend told me that his main issue is that he doesn't want to get into a relationship yet, but he still build barriers between us even when all I asked for is to be "lovers without status". What should I do? Does my boyfriend still feel anything towards me and will we get a chance to get back together again?

• One of the Guys 2013-01-02 15:44:53 said:

  @Saki....Yikes. Well at least you know what's up. Not sure what your sister is thinking? Hope the two of you can work this out. Sounds pretty complicated. But yes, move on. Good luck!

• saki 2013-01-02 15:32:17 said:

  Thank you! I am moving on slowly but surely. My sister acted on impulse and actually wants to date him now. She told him she wants him. Lol This probably sounds like some badly written soap opera. I'm keeping busy now to avoid thinking about it too much.

• One of the Guys 2013-01-02 14:56:30 said:

  @Saki.....We're sorry. This is really hard. And it's easy from where we're sitting to offer advice. But this guy is not the guy for you. Truly. He is quite the player, and he's got a lot of nerve to talk about your sister. Try your best to move on.

• saki 2013-01-02 01:28:28 said:

  Thank you so much. I still have a lot of feelings for him, as you have noticed but yet the hits keep on coming. Last night he told me he start having feelings for my sister on NYE, because she was playful and fun. My sister is playful when she's drinking but otherwise a very cold person. I take this as my que to leave it all together, but I'm having an extreme hard time since I feel less and less adequate and even when I talked to my sister about it she said she's not going to friendzone him for me, coz that's choosing a side. I know what I have to do, but I'm finding it extremely difficult to pick myself up.thanks so much for your advice though.

• One of the Guys 2013-01-01 20:57:25 said:

  @Saki.....All this talk of having to prove yourself to him gives us the shivers. What about him proving himself to you? We hate to say it but we stick by our initial advice. This guy is controlling and we think he's playing games with you. Last night he was feeling horny and he did everything he could to get you to sleep with him. But then he pretends like he didn't know what he was up to. What is that all about? Honestly, we think no matter what you do he's going to keep saying he needs more time and that you have to prove yourself to him. We're just not seeing this going anywhere. We're sorry, but that's just how we see it based on what you're telling us.

• saki 2013-01-01 09:55:05 said:

  Guys! I must be the stupidest person on this planet. I went out last night with him and at first it was terribly awkward. I didn't know really what to say to him but eventually I got the courage, got him alone and we talked. And he told by just going out, talking to him every day I am showing him that I care and that I'm trying to prove myself to him. He also said he just needed time since he has been hurt by too many people before. I understand this very well. As the night went on though, we had a little bit too much fun, leading to us being a bit drunk, I think him more than me though. He dropped my sister of at home and since he had a long way to drive I decided to rather go with him, since I was scared he fell asleep behind the wheel or something. I know what it looks like though, me going to his place like that, but just as I was getting ready to sleep on the couch, he asked me to rather sleep next to him. At that moment it didn't seem like such a bad idea, because let's face it,I love him and I miss him a lot. We ended up having sex before we fell asleep and after we woke up. Yes, stupid move on my part. The thing is during he kept saying that he loved me and that he wants me to prove to him that I love him because he wants me as his forever. This morning though after this all, he took me home and I could sense somethings wrong. I texted him when I got home to thank him for inviting me out, and he said 'sure, but I think we moved too fast' and then, 'I didn't even know you were there when I woke up this morning' That last text really hurt my feelings, but he was right about the moving too fast part. I know that. The thing is I was probably being used by him, but still he's talking to me. He told me that I am winning his favor by talking to him still, and said that I won't lose him if I just keep at it, he just needs time. I get the time thing, I just feel I've ruined any chance at winning him back because of last night. Neither of us were planning on it. But it happened and now this huge cloud is hanging over my head. I took your advice to heart and thought about our relationship and yes he is a bit controlling, but I also know he's not a bad guy. He's just someone who's heart has hardened due to past experiences. I'm just scared the time thing means that he wants to get over me, but then he keeps texting me and even asked me to go with him next week when he gets a tattoo. All these mixed signals confuse me so much, andd this whole thing is starting to takes its toll on my health even... How do I know what's really going on? Thanks so much!

• One of the Guys 2012-12-29 10:40:54 said:

  @Saki....Seriously? This is his issue not yours. Sure, you walked, but clearly he was looking for a reason to break up with you and he used your "breaking a promise" as an excuse. He should be the one apologizing to you. The crime doesn't fit the "punishment." Maybe he has the right to be upset, but this should have been a discussion that helped both of you understand the other person's point of view. Instead he just ended it. Really? Ask yourself: Do you really want to be involved with someone who is trying to control your life this much? That's exactly what's going on, but instead it's presented as your fault. You do realize this is typical behavior of a controlling person don't you? Saki, you need to take a hard look at this relationship. If you two are to work this out, he needs to realize what he's doing. Right now he has all the power in this relationship, and while you don't mind it now, you'll feel resentful at some point when you realize you can't make any of your own decisions.

• Saki 2012-12-29 09:32:31 said:

  Hi guys, I posted on here a few months back, about my boyfriend hiding me ( can't find the post, since I'm doing this from my phone) in that post I stated that he had a daugter, ex-wife who just finished school, and he went to prom with her. I confronted him about the prom-thing and we worked through every thing just fine. Ever since then we were doing okay, our relationship felt stable but 3 days ago he broke up with me. What happened was the silliest thing ever. My Blackberry's service ran out and because we communicate via BBM a lot I needed to get my service activated asap. As I don't have a car, I decided to walk to the store which is about 8 minutes away, to sort this out. Now he hates when I walk anywhere. Living in a country where crime is a bit high (south africa) I get his point he made me promise before that I wouldn't do it, but I was in a pinch and went ahead. I told my sister, who is also friends with him that I was walking, since I didn't want to hide it from him. While on the way home he texted me asking if I drove there with my brother... I honestly told him that I walked. He got pissed of at me and said because I broke a promise he thought we should just end it. I pleased and explained,over text, why I did it. 1. I was in a rush 2. I didn't want to ask my brother since he'd just get irritated and refuse since the store is so close by. 3. Before I met him, this was my way of going around. I don't really like relying on people as it makes me feel as if I'm a burden; which is also why I didn't just ask him to take me; he lives on the other side of town, and he has friends who do that, just use him as a way of transport. 4. This is actually the big one: in the past he got irritated if I didn't reply to his texts. I knew that if I had to wait to activate my BB, that he'd get pissed, I wanted to avoid it. He said its because I walked before and he forgave me and I did it again, again he forgave me and warned me yet I broke a promise. Now I can't really recall this even so I'm not even sure about it, but whether I broke a promise once or twice, I get it. Its not a good thing to do. I pleaded with him for forgiveness and really I am sorry.I still feel guilty and it causing me not to sleep, have appetite and feel nauseous all the time. He continued to say that he can't forgive me as it'd be unfair to all his exes: one cheated, his ex-wife did a bunch of crazy stuff, t like throwing her wedding band in his face and sending naked pics around, and the third girl I know of just left for another country mid-relationship without even saying anything. I really love him still and even though I made I mistake, I tried at least to be honest with him, even though hiding it would've help avoid this. He doesn't want to hear my pleas, he said he lost all interest in me since breaking a promise means I gave up on him, or that I don't care... he said he can't stand me. Of course I went hysterical and tried my best to salvage our relationship. He told me 'not now' and that ' maybe God would open another door for me and he'd be standing there one day, but for now he wants to focus on his daughter, which by the way I never ever got in the way off. This guy was my first love and really he is my everything. I'm perfectly aware of what I did, but is it fair to treat me so harshly? Now he wants to be only friends, and he still texts me. Yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and friends on NYE. At first I thought no, since in my current state I don't feel like people and what I do at the club, just stand there awkwardly, when 3 days ago he was my boyfriend and now he's not? And I thought he was gonna focus rather his kid? Now he wants to party? I agreed since I hope I get to speak to him face to face. I don't know what to say though. Yes, I want him back. I want to try to show him I can be better. But I'm scared of what will happen. Like I said, I can't help this feeling that I want to redeem myself. The thing that confuses me is that he keeps acting like he cares, like he'd ask if I had eaten and then tell me to eat. Or he'll tell me to try to nap at least since I don't sleep at all now. Then he asks me to go with NYE? My question(s) thus is how do I approach him? What do I say? How do I win him back? I know he's been hurt before and I'm willing to earn his trust, his love. I'm willing to really work for it... But how do I convince him of that?

• One of the Guys 2012-12-06 10:03:43 said:

  @Kate...We know you have strong feelings for this man. And he has strong feelings for you. But see this from our perspective. The two of you constantly fight in hurtful ways. You break up, you get back together. One day you're sure that you love him, the next, not so sure. It's up, it's down. Yes, some of this comes from maturity or lack of maturity and that's where your ages come into play. However, relationships are as much about love as they are about timing. Maybe in ten years the two of you would be perfect for one another. But not now. You've both got a lot of growing to do. And we suggest you do that on your own. The fact is, that with all of your history, it's going to be very difficult to restart this relationship. (We wish we could be more uplifting here. We truly do. And we know how hard this is for both of you. We're sorry.) But honestly, sometimes relationships run their course. The two of you may be attracted to one another but you don't make each other feel happy, and that's the key to a successful relationship. What do you think? Thoughts? ps. We do hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz. Share on Facebook or other social networking sites. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

• Kate 2012-12-06 08:55:34 said:

  Hey guys, my story is very complicated, I hope you can help me. I was in a relationship for one year and a half, everything was perfect, he was completely in love with me, he said it everyday, he was always giving me expensive presents and taking me out to dinner, he even stopped smoking because of me. When we made another month together he sent me a text at midnight saying that he was very happy and I was the first one who he felt like this and things like that. The problem is I'm not a person who is attached by another one easily,so I was a little cold with him. I liked him very much and I also gave him presents but didn't feel the same way, until I started having real problems with my family, then I saw how much I loved him. The summer started and my problems got worse and I was always very nervous and started to feel alone even when I was with him. We went on vacation together and I don't know why, I couldn't stand being with him so we started fighting about everything and he cried a lot but I couldn't control myself, it was like I hated him but at the same time I couldn't break up. After that he told me he wanted to be with his friends more, because he felt better with them. That hurt me a lot but I understood. So after that we went to the same holidays location but with each other friends. One night we had a big fight and I said things I shouldn't, then I break down when he said he dind't know if he still loved me. I couldn't stand hearing that so I run away, I cried like I never did and he went away leaving me alone in the street. When I calmed down I went after him to tell him that I hope we would be happy, hearing that he starts crying, begging me not to leave him, that now he sees he truly loves me! Okay...after talking, we tried another time and I came back home. He stayed there with his friends but the truth is, I was completely destroyed inside because the person I trust the more hurt me and that feeling stayed there until we end up the relationship for real. By the way, i hate his best friends, one is a playboy who dates several girls at the same time, the other one has a girlfriend who he loves but he hit her one night because he was jeallous, and another one loves is ex girlfriend but has another girlfriend. After that we still argued a lot and he told me that when he was alone he didn't think of me but when he was with me, he's still completely in love with me and wants to marry me (when we were good, he was always talking about marriage and the future), hearing things like that only hurt me because I didn't know if it was truth or not. At the end of the summer I went with him and all of his friends (big mistake) to his summer house and it was a nightmare, I felt so alone and we still didn't stop fighting. One day I broke up with him and he tried for hours to get back together and when I finally said yes, he said it's better to be apart because we were hurting each other and always fighting, at first I tried to change his mind but then I agreed and felt a big relief because I thought I saw him only has a friend and he told me the same, I saw he was shocked when I said he was right but he didn't take back anything, and went out with his friends, he seemed really happy. I stayed at his place and the next day he was very nice to me and tried talking with me alone but I didn't want to, I thoutht I was happy without him, I was so wrong. Then the night was a disaster, I drunk too much and lost control of myself so I said I was in love with someone else (a guy who I was in love with when I started this relashionship and my ex knew it)but it wasn't true, I only said that because I was drunk and stupid. So the last thing I remember is he saying he couldn't take it anymore and leaving. When I woke up, I felt ashamed of myself and went apologize to him. When I told him I was leaving, he started crying like I never saw him and begging me to still be friends. I packed my things and at the end he asked me why can't we be only on a break instead of ending the relationship for good, but for me breaks don't work. Here's the part I can't understand, he said if I want to get back together in a month or two, he'll be wating for me and that we're gonna get married because he loves me, I didn't answered. We hug each other and his last words were "we'll talk and see each other again", I just said "I hope you find someone who makes you happy". After that he changed is facebook relationship status to single, I felt it was very quick. After one month, I went to his facebook and saw that he was following a strange type of girls (almost naked on the photos), I was so mad that I sent him a text saying that I dind't know him, he text me back with a "?" and I didn't answered, he text me again asking me if he did something wrong, I only told him I had nothing to do with that, his answer was only "ok. bye." It's been almost 4 months since we broke up and we never talked again since that text, he completely disappeard, I already saw his friens several times but he'se never with them. I don't understand, if he loved me that much why don't he try to get back together? Or didn't he love me? Why does he follow girls like that when he knows I can see and that makes me angry? He was right, we needed to be apart but now that everything is back to normal why don't he try to contact me? The truth is I solved almost every problem and I'm a lot better now, but I still love him an miss him a lot, I just want to know if he feels the same and how is his life. We're 18, I know we're still young but we were best friends, we talked about everything and had a really strong relationship, I met his entire family, the only problem in the relationship, before the summer, is that we stopped hanging out with our friends. Please reply, I really have no idea what to do.

• One of the Guys 2012-12-02 08:44:06 said:

  @Rene.......You're right. This is partly a pride issue, but it's also a trust issue. He doesn't totally trust you anymore. Maybe if he was ten years older he might understand that life is complicated and sometimes strange things happen, but that's a little harder to understand at 18. (Although, we're still wondering how that actually happened? How were you even in a situation where that was possible to happen? Honestly, it doesn't seem to add up.) And if we're having this reaction, we can only wonder what he's thinking. Basically, he still wants you, but he's not willing to put his heart out there again. So he's getting his needs met with you, but not putting himself at risk. And basically, he now holds all the power. If you really want him back you need to apologize again, explain to him again, and tell him that you love him, but that you're no longer going to be in a secret relationship with him. If he wants you back, he needs to accept your apology, forgive you and move forward with you, in PUBLIC. If not, then you need to move on as hard as this may be. Because the way this is going, it's only going to get more difficult, more confusing, and more frustrating for you. Thoughts? Any other questions? Ask away. ps. Please share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz. Also, help a fellow reader and VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Only takes a moment.

• Rene 2012-12-02 02:05:05 said:

  Q: My guy friend kissed me, my boyfriend broke up with me, how to get out of a "secret relationship" and fix my relationship with the boyfriend? I have been dating my current boyfriend or now ex boyfriend, for over a year. (We are both just 18 and seniors in highschool). We are each others' first loves and I am his first uhmm sex. Over the summer we were in different countries and a family friend of mine was in the same area so we decided to meet up and catch a funny movie. During the movie he pecked me on the lips out of nowhere and due to my boyfriend flying back home on a plane, and my doing the same the next day, we had a gap of 3 days with no talking. The family friend decided to tell him a distorted version--that I had initiated and it had gone farther than just a peck from him. My boyfriend and I eventually talked it out and he knows the truth but he is still upset that he hadn't heard it from me first. He broke up with me. Since the breakup we have never had a solid end. We are still involved with each other and somewhat in a relationship. We see each other on weekends only (I have to sneak into his house at night) and yes we do have sex occasionally but it is not a FWB relationship (I know this because we still talk as though we are dating, with the I love you's etc. and we are exclusive, neither of us has been involved with anyone else.) He insists on keeping the relationship a secret and to me it hurts because he just is not as affectionate and at school we are merely acquaintances... his reason is that there is too much pressure that comes with fully dating me and that he's too busy right now, but to me it seems like a pride/trust issue. We have worked things out a bit, he now has my FB password and he knows I am committed to only him but how do I get things back on track--how do I turn our secret relationship public? (I have had some talks with him in the past, even in tears but they seem to end with the same reasons by him about why we cannot be together...) Please help, I love him very much.

• One of the Guys 2012-10-25 11:26:49 said:

  @Kayla....Take care. And keep us posted on how things are. Ask another question anytime.

• Kayla 2012-10-25 11:20:56 said:

  I will, thanks guys. (:

• One of the Guys 2012-10-25 10:14:57 said:

  @Kayla.....We're glad you were joking. Anyway, there are no guarantees with any relationship, but it's a rare high school relationship that lasts for more than a few weeks/months. So with that in mind, ask yourself if you want to give this another try, considering the history the two of you have. And yes, your friends' opinions are important, only because sometimes they can see things you can't, since you're too close to the situation. However, ultimately this is your decision. Go with your gut. One final thought: Just because we're saying high school relationships don't usually last long, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a try. Don't let fear dictate your actions. ps. Do us a favor? Please share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it!

• Kayla 2012-10-25 09:38:45 said:

  And my friends arent fond of him, should I take that as I sign not to date him?

• Kayla 2012-10-25 09:37:40 said:

  No, I was joking about the ring thing and he was the one who got serious. The last thing I want to do is all of that, I want to go to college first. I'm not sure if I want to, he seems different this time but we had a little fight and he ran away and then came crawling back asking for forgivness. He's really sweet, and he's willing to wait a year before we date, like I had asked of him. What's holding me back is the guy I can see myself with and the fact that I already dated him. I dont want to date him and then it only lasting a short time again.

• One of the Guys 2012-10-25 09:16:48 said:

  @Kayla.....We understand. This is complicated. We definitely respect that you want to wait to be intimate with someone. That's your choice, and you should never be pressured into doing anything you're not comfortable with. However, we think your expectations might be a bit high for a high school boy. The last thing a high school boy is looking to do is get engaged, or put a ring on it, as you say. Young guys just aren't there. We're not saying that a young guy can't commit to a girl and be in a relationship, but anything long term, that's a stretch. As per this guy. Why do you want to date him again? Is there something about him? And what is holding you back?

• Kayla 2012-10-25 03:39:58 said:

  Hey Guys, So, I was dating this guy in February, and we only lasted 3 weeks. All we did was fight throughout the whole "relationship", whether it was about one of my guy friends or the fact that I wouldn't kiss him. It's childish, but I like to take my time with relationships so they don't get boring because I took the choice for abstinence, and being in high school its hard to find someone who wants the same thing. But anyway, over the summer he texted me and told me he was sorry for everything and that he didnt realize how much he liked me until he lost me, which is weird because like a week after we broke up he was rebounding with the school whore. Him telling me this resulted in us not talking anymore up until the start of the 10th grade school year. We started talking every day and eventually he started having feelings for me, again. We were joking around and I said something about us not doing anything until he could put a ring on it and he responded with "Okay, I will." I said Lol and he said he was serious and that he wanted things to work this time and I told him he had to wait a year because I wasnt looking for a boyfriend and my parents didnt want me to date, he said he'd wait. So, 2 weeks ago we were talking about hanging out and he wouldnt ask his mom until the last minute then she would say no, it got on my nerves that he would wait until the last second.I told him to just forget it. We got into a little fight and then he didnt text me for a couple of days. Over the time he didnt text me I was thinking about how my first time should be with a virgin like me and then I realized he wasnt a virgin. I told him this when he texted me yesterday and he said he didnt even remember what happened the night he lost his "v card" I am extremely upset with him, words cant even explain. He's coming over tomorrow so we can work things out but I'm thinking that I dont want to get back together with him. One because I'm intrested in a guy I can really see myself with and two because I already dated him. But I dont want to regret my decision if I tell him we should just be friends and forget about ever being more than that. Help? l:

• One of the Guys 2012-10-02 13:00:42 said:

  @Lisa....Do you really want to get entangled with this guy again? If you're asking us straight out, we're saying, it's not the best idea. This guy is all over the place. He wants his friends, he wants you, he wants his ex, and he feels like he's entitled to it all. Well, actually, no, he's not. This behavior is only normal to guys who don't care about other people's feelings. If he was that into you, he'd be focusing on proving to you that he's changed and ready to be in a committed relationship. Instead he's doing the same old crap. Really Lisa, what do you see in this guy? Charming, interesting and cute only go so far. Relationships are all about trust, communication and respect. We see all three of those missing. What about you?

• Lisa 2012-10-02 10:21:48 said:

  So a while ago i told you about the guy in my class who had an FWB with his friend and broke up with me ultimately to keep his friends with the intention of asking me out again. I think I'm paying for not listening to your advice. Things have been weird since then. Over the summer one of my friends in school told me that the same guy who broke up with me was speaking about me to a mutual lab partner. He told the guy in the lab that he had a huge crush on me and wanted to get with me. When I texted him about it, he asked to meet in person. I was upset when he texted back and wondered if other ppl were going to be at the bar I wanted to meet him in. Then he texted he wants people to see us together but he wanted to see me alone. We did end up meeting alone, but nothing happened other than a nice conversation between friends. A few weeks later I hosted a party that a friend of mine invited him to. He said he missed me, and I replied I miss him but only as a friend. Later I passed out drunk and someone told me that he came in to check up on me. Since the party,we would text each other back and forth, and I've been bumping into him everywhere. We even danced together one night at another event (our program is small). What I didn't tell you from before, was that he mentioned me to his family. One day his brother came for a visit and was excited to meet me, (i don't think he was aware that we were not together) later my ex told me his brother went on about how great I am, and I told him we need to talk. He said he wanted to, but he's also very non confrontational, so he kept avoiding our talk. I told him that after one of our major exams, we should definitely talk. I felt confused, and I just wanted to talk to sort through my feelings and whatever it was he was feeling. A part of me really wanted him back, but I just remembered how broken he made me feel. He broke up with me to keep his friends, and now it seemed that he wanted to get back together. Or so I thought. I was on guard for a little bit, but I eventually started warming up to him. Just recently I saw his exFWB totally enamored with him, sitting close to him, looking really lovey-dovey, and I grew really jealous, and just felt like a complete idiot. To me it seemed as if they were together, and maybe he was with her the whole time we were together. I got the feeling he never ended the FWB. I know my inexperience could make me act in immature ways, but his actions are confusing. One moment, he'll text that he misses me, and then at the next moment I'll see him around school, with the friend he dumped me for. I feel like he might have always been with her, but was using me to cheat on her. Am I overreacting? Also, is his behavior healthy? (I had a guy friend tell me that his behavior was normal) If I was just fun, why would he tell his family about me? Why would he tell his brother about me? Or introduce me to his brother? Why would he check up on me while drunk? I’ve deleted his info from all my electronic stuff, but part of me feels like I’m overreacting. We’re not together and he can sleep with whoever he wants, but seeing his FWB cozy up to him made me feel like crap. I just wonder if he ever had feelings for me at all.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-18 13:40:17 said:

  @Aria......That means he was getting ahead of himself and once he said it out loud he made it more real, which freaked him out. (Not as atypical as you might imagine.) A guy gets excited, starts making all sorts of plans, and then realizes that maybe he's not quite ready, or that he should think about things for a moment. It happens. We're sorry it happened to you. But we stick by our original thoughts. Let us know if we can help in any other way. Hang in there and good luck.

• Aria 2012-09-18 11:21:05 said:

  Well he is the one who started the marriage talk and has even told his mom.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-18 09:31:58 said:

  @Natasha.....This seems extreme to us too, but is there more to this story? Did he tell you specifically not to do that sort of thing? What's the deal? And did you ever have "the talk" about what the relationship was? We have some thoughts, but send us a little more info and then we'll share. Hang in there. We're sorry, this is confusing and tough.

• Natasha 2012-09-18 06:19:12 said:

  I was dating someone for 9 months & we spent a lot of time together. Entire weekends, going to functions together, etc. when we first started hanging out neither of us was looking to get into a relationship quickly n we were just seeing how things would flow. Everything was great! We were both happy n enjoyed spending time with each other. A mutual friend would nag on him to admit that we were in a relationship n he wouldn't. He pulled my Facebook out on him n showed him pictures of us that I had posted or place check ins n that I had up that I was in a relationship. Well he got very upset n didn't talk to me & bc of a lack of communication I asked him if I could please just get my things from his place n I did at which point he was very closed off didn't want to talk n kept his arms crossed the entire time. We have since spoken n he apologized for his actions but he said the way his mind works he's done with us. I can't comprehend how a man who when I would get upset about something would want me to talk to him n work things out but the one time he got upset about something he shut down on me. Everyone is confused by his actions, mutual friends n myself bc of how happy we were. I know that he has a trust n privacy issue but at what point do I allow someone to control my sharing our mutual happiness?! I haven't really spoken to him much since our last encounter n the decision to end things. I'm not waiting around for him but a little part of me hopes that he will come around? All he has been doing since we stopped dating is working around the clock to keep occupied n to, I think, stay so busy that he won't have time to think bout what has happened.

• One of the Guys 2012-09-17 20:18:10 said:

  @Aria....Well, we don't have all the details. Actually we don't have many, but typically in this type of situation, patience is a good thing. Give him the space he needs and let him initiate contact when he's ready. Otherwise you're right, he'll feel like you're smothering him. Sometimes when a relationship gets to a critical juncture, people need time to evaluate and see whether they want to move forward or move on. The talk of marriage may have freaked him out a bit. Timing is just as much part of a successful relationship as love is. Hopefully he'll realize that he truly loves you and wants to be with you for the long haul. Keep us posted as this progresses and ask as many follow up questions as you'd like. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. We appreciate it.

• Aria 2012-09-17 19:25:46 said:

  Hi, I've had a boyfriend of almost 2 years and just last week he said he wanted to take a break to clear his mind, but not to date because he doesn't want a relationship. We were very much in love and talking about marriage for the future, but I was very selfish with him, and I realize this now. We still text every day and he says he still cares, but I'm not sure if he will come back or not. He says he knows that I am the perfect woman for him and that he just needs time. He was very faithful to me, but I think I made him feel not trusted, so I apologized sincerely in a letter that I may or may not send because I do not want him to feel smothered. Do you think he will come back to me soon? What should I do?

• One of the Guys 2012-09-11 18:26:31 said:

  @Lisa.....Well, he continues to give you mixes signals. Sure, yes, on the surface it seems like he wants you to know he's single, and he wants to hear you are still available too. But if he's not going to do anything about it—disorder or no disorder—then it's just talk, and basically just making things worse. Lisa, this guy just seems like way too much work, don't you think?

• lisa 2012-09-11 17:24:45 said:

  hey im back just wanna ask sumthing else.. just seen him today after a week cause been off. walking to bus and said do u wanna go for a drink so i did n we had a 2 hr chat he was telling me that he went out with people from work and told me that a girl at work was trying it on with him but was really drunk so stayed at his and he said nothing happened but he thought he shud tell me cause didnt want rumours going round and me hearing and getting the wrong idea.. people said to me why wud he tell u that?... also he asked me if i was alright with him and i said yeah why wud he ask me that... also when i was talking about talking to guys he just went quiet...n said if i had a change of cothes cud have stayed at his.. im still confused.. why wud he tell me all this?

• One of the Guys 2012-09-03 21:00:38 said:

  @Lisa.....Yes, he is being confusing. It's hard to say really what's going on in his head. You'll just have to let this play out. Good luck, and definitely keep us posted.

• lisa 2012-09-03 17:39:30 said:

  just one more thing! ive been thinking, the week before he broke up with me we were apart for that week cause he was in training and was txting each and was saying he missed me and how he couldnt wait to see me. n couple days before my bday he left red roses on my desk and then couple days later we spent the day together at the cinema and dinner. he was holding my hand thorugh the whole film hugging me kissing me and when he went home i thanked him for the day out and was all lovey douvey. but then the next day was all of a sudden in a bad mood didnt hold my hand didnt come over to see me at my desk as he usually does. its like he changed overnight! and was even more of a bad mood the next day!... the other thing is two days before we went out to cinema he went out with his mates to clubs and rang me at 1am telling me everything that happened that night including a girl trying it on with him and how he was keeping his distance from her.. n he asked me on our day out! " is there sumthing up, i have feeling u have sumthing to ask me?" and later said he was paranoid that sumone had said sumthing to me and stirring up trouble... im confused! its like he changed after our day out together, like sumthing happened to make him in a mood and decide to finish with me...

• One of the Guys 2012-09-02 19:35:38 said:

  @Lisa...Thanks for filling us in. Well, it seems he's got a lot of things he needs to work on. And we doubt he's going to be ready for a serious relationship anytime soon. We know it's tough because you work together, but maybe it's time to stop all other contact since it's so difficult for you?

• lisa 2012-09-02 18:19:39 said:

  thanks for ure reply.. the mental condition he is referring to is a disorder he has had since he was younger and used to see a therapist and is going to see one soon cause he is starting to have syptoms again.. he said he had been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now and he said he didnt wanna hurt me. i cud tell how bad he felt cause he was shaking and nervous.. he said he is unable to attach to anyone due to his disorder and said since he met me he thought he wud attach to me cause im different to girls he has been with in the past. he still wants to meet me in the morning to walk to work, have dinner together and walk to bus with me on night and waits with me till my bus comes..so he still wants me in his life but it will be hard for me cause i still have strong feelings for him and we work together... he said how bad he felt cause i was so understanding and told me i am a wonderful woman and loved our time together..i didnt show i was upset cause didnt wanna make him feel worse than he did... the other thing is just couple days ago we had a nice day out at cinema and had dinner, and was so affectionate, cuddling me, holding my hand and kissing me alot.. so was such a shock when he finished with me...

• One of the Guys 2012-09-02 14:46:14 said:

  @Lisa......Just because he's jealous of you talking to other guys doesn't mean he's changed his mind, it just means he's territorial. Guys are. Give him some space and see if he can figure things out. We're not sure what kind of mental condition he's referring to. Do you know? From your story it kind of just seemed like an excuse to break up without hurting your feelings. Either way Lisa, he doesn't seem ready for a relationship and we think you'd be frustrated after a while with his inability to show his emotions. We also think you'd grow resentful with him giving you mixed signals. What do you think? Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Keep us posted. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

• lisa 2012-09-02 05:38:23 said:

  hi guys im really confused at the moment. have been with a guy for 8 weeks until couple days ago afew weeks back he told me about his mental condition that causes him not being able to attach to people and not show emotion towards people which was caused by him getting bullied beaten up by his brothers. we been dating a couple weeks then and was going well until just over two week ago when he started being quiet, reserved and off with me and wasnt holding my hand as he usually did... i finally asked him a few days ago if he has sumthing on his mind and told me he has sumthing to talk to me about... the next day he was even more quiet and cud tell he was wanting to tell me sumthing. after work we sat at bus station and he was figiting and quiet and eventually told me that. basically due to his mental condition it is causing him to have flashback and episodes and doesnt think he shud be in a relationship and doesnt think its fair on me to carry on with me cause doesnt think it will go any further even though he wants it to... i was really disappointed but didnt wanna show it cause i cud see how sad and bad he felt and was shaking. n told him i understand and gave him a long hug to comfort him. n he said to me feels bad to do this to me cause he thinks im a really gd person compared to other girls. he sent me a txt later saying sorry and i told him again that i underdand n want to be friends. he was pleased to be friends n said im a wonderful woman... but at work the next day we still met up to walk to work, he bought me dinner and he waited for me to have dinner and also walked and waited for the bus with me.. but now at work i was sat with my team talking and laughing with two male collegues and he came over like 5 times. 4 to get sum of his juice and another time with sum someone looking for sumone.. it felt like he was cheking wat im was doing and saw a couple of times him looking over from his desk.. i feel like he still does have feelings for me n is getting jealous when i talk to guys but i might be wrong.! shud i just leave him for abit for sum space or shud i ask him. im just confused why he wud finish and show signs of feelings.. please give me ure opinion thank u lisa

• One of the Guys 2012-07-17 20:57:07 said:

  @Lisa.......We're not in your shoes so it's hard to tell you how to act when you see him. All we can say is, try and be strong. But you don't have to be anything other than yourself. If you don't want to be nice, don't be nice. If you can be cordial, be cordial. If you can't, you can't. Our recommendation is to try and not be around him at all. No need to torture yourself. As far as dating goes, well, it takes time to find the right person. And sometimes it takes dating a bunch of people who teach you what you don't want before you're able to actually "see" what you do want. We'd recommend traveling in some different circles. It's not that you're down on your luck, but it's probably more that you keep picking the same type of guy, or you're open to those types of guys, or you keep meeting the same type of guy. Try mixing things up. Take some classes. Join some clubs. Try some new things. Make friends with some new people. You need a shake up, but it starts with you. You can do it. Keep your head up and good luck. Keep us posted on how you're doing. We're certainly interested and pulling for you.

• lisa 2012-07-17 18:50:15 said:

  Thanks for the help! It really cleared up some things. Now I know not to take him back. This is all really new to me, and I'm incredibly hurt. But I figure there are many people that go through this at least once in life (male/female). I've already bumped into him once since the breakup. He also sent me a text saying that it was nice seeing me. After that incident I returned everything he ever gave me, and deleted his number and our text history from my phone just so I wouldn't go crazy. But even before this guy, I've been down on my luck when it comes to dating. Is there something I can do to change the loser streak I've been on? I'm not really sure how to change my approach towards dating. How do I stay positive? Also, how should I handle myself when I see the guy who dumped me for his friends?

• One of the Guys 2012-07-17 12:45:53 said:

  @Lisa...Wow, this is quite a turnaround. The two of you had such a nice thing going. Well, here are some initial thoughts. It's a red-flag for someone not to introduce you to their friends. And the fact that he was kind of nervous to tell his ex-FWB is something to consider. The other red-flag is that he's influenced a lot by his friends. Sure, we do think people should actually listen to their friends more, especially about some deadbeat boyfriend or girlfriend. But when you truly know you have a good thing going, friends shouldn't get in the way. There's always an adjustment period when you start dating someone serious. There's just not as much time anymore. Some friends get offended by this, and others—more mature friends—understand. It's normal. And usually, once the couple starts to get more comfortable, things balance out a bit more. But things never go back to the way they were. There's just not enough time. That's life. The fact that he's kind of choosing his friends over you should tell you how strongly he feels about you. (Or not) We don't know any guy who's really serious about his girl that would choose his friends first. Sure, he might miss hanging with the "boys" and request guys' night out, but he's not going to throw his relationship away to go out with his buddies more. (His buddies wouldn't do it either.) So with that information, do you think you will take him back when he asks you out again? (He will ask you out again.) Another thing to keep in mind is, WHY, he might ask you out again? He's already been in a FWB relationship, and guys will often choose a woman they know kind of likes them. You're a perfect candidate for that. Keep your eyes open please. Your thoughts?

• lisa 2012-07-17 09:59:39 said:

  Dear Guys, A few months ago I was invited via Facebook to attend a party a classmate of mine was having and I was caught off guard because I thought it was strange that somebody I didn't know would invite me to his party. I keep to myself,so I don't know a lot of my classmates. When I went over, I met the host and we totally hit it off. I figured he had a crush on me from the invitation on Facebook, but I didn't expect to be attracted to him so quickly. We spoke for a little bit, spent the next week with each other, mostly studying and having lunch/dinner with each other. Before our first date he told me about his crush on me and how he really wanted to get to know me, so that's why he invited me to the party. Soon, we hooked up and things started to move really fast afterwards. I felt such a connection to him that I never felt before. I'm sure sex had a role in that, but we also had what I thought to be real open communication with each other. We shared our dating history, and family issues, and our plans for the future (we're both in graduate school). He also gave me the space to express my thoughts whenever he saw that I was bothered by something or wanted to express a thought. When he described his dating history, he described how the last set of girls he dated were all crazy, except for his last serious girlfriend who he broke up with 3 years ago. He had already dated 2 girls in the class, and was upset that he had a reputation for being a player. Apparently the girls got together and formed a friendship based on their dislike of him. He also told me that before he met me, he hooked up with a real close friend of his who is part of a group he hangs out with in school, but told her that he wanted to maintain the friendship so he ended the FWB situation. I asked him if she was ok with that and he told me she was. Gradually, he told me he had all these plans for the two of us, and that he's never been this nervous with a girl before. We were spending a lot of time with each other. I asked him where this was going, if I was his girlfriend and he said I was. So now we were with each other for two months, and I was really excited. He was pretty charming. One thing that really bothered me though was that he never introduced me to his friends at school. When I asked him why he said that he wanted to take his time letting people know about us. He already had a reputation, and didn't want people to think he was just messing around with me. When I asked him what did he tell the friend he hooked up with, he told me he hasn't spoken to her since we've been with each other, and that he'll talk to her after exams (we had an intense final coming up). I told him I think he should talk to his friends because at that point I felt like a secret girlfriend. I suggested that maybe we were moving too fast, that we should just slow down a bit. At the time he didn't see the point in slowing down and promised me he'd talk to her after the exam. I pulled away some, by spending a little less time with him. So days passed and after the exam I texted him to see how he was doing. He tells me that his female friend wrote him an angry email, and that she was really mad at him and wondered if they could be friends anymore. He told me he felt miserable and didn't want to lose his friends and worried that her anger at him might break him off from the group. Days went by we didn't see each other, and I noticed his response to my texts were slower, but he did respond. Later on we met in person and he told me that now may not be the best time for us to be with each other. He wants to be alone for a bit and reflect on his dating habits. He doesn't want me to feel like a secret. He said he wants to ask me out again because he really likes me, but feels that now is not a good time. I don't have much dating experience, so I want to believe he was being genuine. Deep down inside I felt that he dumped me to minimize any problems he had with his friends. I really like him, but I feel played. Do you think he'd really ask me out again? And if he does, should I take him back?

• One of the Guys 2012-07-01 13:57:14 said:

  @Leah....Well, long distance relationships are very stressful. They require a lot of effort from both parties. Thanks for filling us in. ps. We'd be more concerned if it was one girl he was hanging out with. A group of nine seems like a reasonably safe situation.

• Leah 2012-07-01 12:50:09 said:

  I feel that it was the stress of long distance that made me send him the text about breaking up. He was revising everynight and we only spoke properly on weekends which was very tough for me as I'm sure it was for him too. I felt insecure about the girls as it's a large group of 9 girls and him and I'm quite insecure but he has never spoken about them as anything but friends.

• One of the Guys 2012-07-01 09:54:39 said:

  @Leah......We're sorry. This is tough and confusing. First of all, what made you have such a knee-jerk reaction? It seems quick to go from him not texting you back, to you saying 'if you really want to break up with me why don't you do it now.' What made you feel that way? Is that your general MO, or was he making you feel insecure for some reason? (Having friends as girls doesn't seem enough. Was he talking about them in a way that made you suspicious?) We think the no contact rule is the best way to go here. If you're going to get back together it's going to be from him missing you and then initiating a reconciliation. Right now he's giving you a message that's loud and clear: I need space. Don't contact me. Yes, we're sure he misses you, but something's going on with him that's stronger than him missing you. Something's telling him to continue with his current course. Since you seem to run in mutual circles it's likely you're going to see him again. Let him be the one to approach you. Let him be the one to miss you. There are no guarantees that he'll want to get back together with you, but if you approach him and try to win him back it will only backfire. It has to happen naturally, or it's not going to happen. See the thing is Leah, there's no such thing as winning a person back. They have to come back on their own willingly. They have to realize their mistake and come back and ask to begin again. He already has all the information he needs on you. He just has to come to the realization himself that you're the girl for him. We hope this helps a little. Feel free to ask us as many follow up questions as you'd like. And keep us posted as this progresses.

• Leah 2012-06-30 08:18:29 said:

  Hi this is a very long story. Me and my (now ex) boyfriend had been together for over 3 years and everything was perfect! We both loved eachother so much and we'd do everything together. Sometimes I would tell him that I felt he should socialise more with friends because he didn't see them much which made me feel bad when I went out with my friends. I went to university in september and we spoke, wrote, skyped as much as we could. He talked about our future and about what would happen after I finished uni (moving in together etc) In term one he came to visit me and he also visited me in term two and we had an amazing time, he said he really enjoyed it because it felt like we lived together and it was just us. He's very close to a group of girls who are all lovely but when I came home for easter I felt a bit insecure and I we had a conversation about how I was slightly jealous about him spending time with these girls but he assured me I had nothing to worry about and I knew I didn't. In the last term it was always going to be a struggle because I had my final deadlines and he had exams which meant he couldn't visit me and we didn't have much spare time to talk. One night I got upset because my friends at uni had their boyfriends round to visit and I was missing mine. I text him but he didn't reply which made me upset so I sent him another text saying that if he wanted to break up with me he should just do it now and then he did. I was so shocked and completely heartbroken. We skyped the next night for 3 hours and laughed and joked. He's told me that he doesn't know what he wants, that he'd been thinking about it for a few weeks (not much thought for such a long relationship) and he doesn't like thinking of me as his ex girlfriend, told me I could probably seduce him and things. I text him telling him how upset I was for weeks I told him missed him (which I now realise was wrong and pushed him away) during this time he told me he doesn't love me and has no feelings for me but I find it hard to believe :/ 4 weeks later I came home from uni and met up with him at first it was fine and we were laughing and joking and then I knew we needed to talk about the breakup and things went sour from then. I'm not going back to uni as I suffered severe home sickness I'm studying locally instead. I know there is no one else as we had a short split before (2 months) and we've always been very honest about that because we have alot of respect for eachother. Anyway later that week we were out for a mutual friends birthday and he kept looking over to me as I was dancing away from the group my friend said he was doing it all night (it was too hard being close to him) but he didn't say one word to me which really hurt. Since we broke up he's gone out alot more and we don't talk unless I initiate conversation and when I do I just feel like I'm bugging him - no one knows why we broke up and everyone is so confused by it as he's not very open about his feelings all. I haven't contacted him in 2 weeks but I'm desperate to win him back. I'm using the no contact rule but I'm not sure whether this really works. Any advice from a male point of view?

• One of the Guys 2012-06-29 20:44:26 said:

  @Amanda.....Well, we suggested you let him take the initiative. We know this might be hard, but that's the best approach here since he was the one who said he needed space. But now that you've suggested coffee we think you have to keep your word if he calls you to take you up on your offer. But if he doesn't, please don't remind him. And from here on out, let him do the asking. A general call to say hi is much different than getting together. We know you were excited to hear from him, but you have to have a little more patience. Good luck.

• Amanda 2012-06-29 17:43:39 said:

  Hey guys, I posted information about my current problem last week and I did exactly what you said, stop contacting him. By Wednesday, June 27th he called me right when he got out of work to see how I was doing. It was a general conversation. We talked for almost an hour it was really nice, we laughed and it was just an over all good conversation. I didn't text him or call him after that. But, today I was going to the same town his work is in because I was shopping for some new things and I texted him if he wanted to grab lunch with me. He called me back and said " No, he couldnt that he starts working nights", which is true, he works for a construction company and they were suppose to start Thursday but, it got postponed to tonight. I was really chill, and said "okay, no biggie, just figure I ask because I was in the area and I would like to see you". And he goes " Why, would you like to see me, I'm an asshole, I can't even make plans, thats why I don't want to have any obligations with anyone." I told him that he wasn't an asshole, and I wished him the best with his start of a new schedule, and I offered if he ever wanted I would come by and bring him a coffee while he works nights ( I used to do that when we were together). And he told me he was working Sunday night and he will let me know. So, I don't know what to do? I know I offered to buy him coffee, but I don't want to look like I'm jumping at his mercy if he does say "yes". So, should I go Sunday if he lets me know? Thanks Amanda

• One of the Guys 2012-06-27 06:06:53 said:

  @Shayla.....You're welcome. Please keep us posted. Take care.

• Shayla 2012-06-26 23:23:03 said:

  I think i will give it more time, if it's meant to be it will happen, thank you for your input!

• One of the Guys 2012-06-26 17:37:52 said:

  @Shayla.....A more relevant question is: Do you really want him back? He hasn't changed. He keeps cheating on you even though he says he's going to change. Is this really the guy you want to be with? Think to yourself, "If this was not his baby, would I want him in my life?" You see, just because he's the father of your child doesn't mean he's the right person for you. (We know this is very complicated, but we're just putting these questions out there.) To your questions: It's too soon to know if he's serious. You need to give it some more time. But for now please think about the questions we asked. What do you think?

• Shayla 2012-06-26 17:05:12 said:

  I met this guy that was one year younger then me. We hit it off right away, he loved me soo much and stayed with me even when i did things i shouldn't have done. Me and him had our fair share of cheating but we forgave each other. I then found out i was pregnant, he had promised me things were going to be okay and we were going to stay together. He then started talking about us breaking up alot. Like "if we break up..." things like that. Once i had the baby things changed. He didn't like coming over, he would never want to talk on the phone, but we would text pretty much all day. He seemed like he was still in love with me, sometimes. He would get mad when i would talk to guys. And would tell me things like "you look so pretty today", and he would even tell me "i love you". He had texted my best friend inappropriate stuff and when i found out he swore up and down that he wanted to be with me and he was going to change, it seemed as though he really was changing and we got along so well, he would offer to go with me to places and spend lots of time together. He would also include me and our baby in everything he said like "were moving to Arizona and were going to go to school there" I would try to leave him but he would always say he wanted to be with me and would beg me to stay with him. Then the story took a drastic turn. two days after he told me he was going to change, i found out he had stayed the night with another girl. I freaked out, even slapped him and got physical with him. I screamed my lungs out. I told him i was going to file for child support and i said it was best if we only talked about the baby and thats it. He left me alone for a day. Then i started missing him so i texted him, he then told me he did not want to be with me, as a matter of fact he told me he didn't love me anymore. He had even cried when he told me. He doesn't show any affection towards me anymore, and doesn't try to talk to me. When i go to his house with the baby i always complain about everything that has happened and he replies with "Can we just hang out without you complaining?" I invited him to go to the fair with me and his daughter, he said yes and cancelled at the last minute and said he was sick. So i went with a friend and my daughter, to my surprise he was there, with his friends. It seems as though he cries when he says he doesn't love me anymore, and tells me he doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't want to hurt me, but he also cries when i talk about him cheating on me. we have gone threw so much together.It's been a month now. Is he serious about this break up? Or is he just wanting time to himself?

• One of the Guys 2012-06-24 20:56:46 said:

  @Amanda....You're welcome. Glad we could help a little.

• Amanda 2012-06-24 19:01:47 said:

  Thank you! I most definitely will keep you posted. You have no idea how you guys have made me feel and just helped me out mentally and emotionally. It is nice taking advice from an outsider, and even better when it is a "guy's perspective". THANK YOU! so much... Amanda

• One of the Guys 2012-06-24 18:14:52 said:

  @Amanda.........Your actions haven't done any more "damage" if that's what you're worried about, but you're not helping yourself by continuing to contact him—even if he is being nice to you. If you need to contact him one more time, do so, and let him know you care about him, but then tell him you're going to give him his space, and hope at some point he'll reach out to you. The other option is just stop, and see what happens. That could almost be more effective because he might wonder what's changed with you. The good news is, this situation is going to turn out how it's going to turn out, and you can't hurt it or control it either way. Please keep us posted on how things are going. We're interested and hopeful.

• Amanda 2012-06-24 14:54:35 said:

  Thank You GUYS so much for the response. I know this is ultimately what I have to do but, it has been extremely hard. It just sucks to know that he is doing his own thing and all I ever do is think about him but, as time has gone on I have gotten better about things. One thing I do have to say is that he never has been mean or nasty to me...and when I do call every now and then for a question or just to say "hello" he still talks to me and is "okay." But, he hasn't really initiated a conversation or anything in awhile. So, here is my last question. Do you guys think I have ultimately "pushed him away" completely because of my past of being nagging and relentless about the relationship? Have I become my own worst enemy in this situation, making a turn around that could've been possible not possible anymore by not respecting him? Like you said I do need to give him his space because, to be honest, I really haven't, the most I have gone without talking to him is 10 days, and that just isn't enough. I know in a way I am being selfish by always talking tim him when I want to and sometimes I know it upsets him because he will ignore me every now and then. Is it bad if i let awhile go by, then contact him? Thanks Amanda

• One of the Guys 2012-06-24 09:12:50 said:

  @Amanda....It's hard to say exactly what's going through his mind right now, but he is being clear with you and it sounds like you're having a hard time respecting his wishes. If you don't give him the space he wants he may grow resentful of you. You see, we understand Amanda. You feel him pulling away so you want to hold on tighter. That's completely natural. But you can't do that. The harder you hold on the more he wants to push you away. We suggest giving him his space, and letting him initiate contact. If he does, then you'll know he really wants to be with you, instead of being with you out of guilt or some sort of obligation. We also think you need to try to move on, not because we don't think there's hope, but because it's hard to say when he'll be back. (And there are no guarantees he will, but we think it's very possible.) You need to refocus yourself, as he's doing, on pursuing things you love, hanging out with friends, and maybe even dating, or at least be somewhat open to it. You never know what might happen in your own life if you do all of these things. As far as your relationship with this guy, well, if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, at some point he'll reach out to you again. And at that time you can decide if it's something you still want. Good luck. We wish you the best. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. And check out Charlotte Pescale's "Rebecca, a memoir" on our Relationship Memoirs page. Thanks!

• Amanda 2012-06-23 17:25:12 said:

  Hey Guys, My story is kind've similar to the ones above but, it is pretty long. So, I want to say thank you in advance for even reading it!! My ex boyfriend and I of nine months decided to split up in the middle of March both agreeing to take a "break". But, let me tell you what happened leading up to this. We have been friends for five years prior to getting together and we finally starting dating last summer. It was absolutely amazing and I never felt so complete with a person before in my life. As each day went on it got stronger. He had his own place and I still lived with my parents, so to start saving money together we decided to have him move in with us. Everything was GREAT!! My family loved him and he loved my family! But, in November my parents had a turn for the worse, because my mother was seeing another man behind my fathers back leading to arguements and tension in my home every single day. So, my boyfriend and I decided that we should move out and get our own place so the negativity doesnt bring us down. So, we did....but, while we had our own place I still had alot of contact with my family and I always argued with my mom because I was just angry, this aruging leaded me to always being moody and mad and most of all taken out all the bad stuff on him.... and then we would start to argue over stupid stuff.Until, one day we both decided to just take a "break" and we did. I moved back home. We stayed in contact everyday. He text me, call me, come visit me at work. But, as more and more time went on I realized that I didn't love life as much as I did when I was with him. So,I told him that I missed him and loved him and that we should really consider getting back together. And he told me that he "doesn't have that in him right now" and he doen't "want a relationship, with anyone". He says he is not going to meet anyone that he just wants to be on his own and figure himself out. Now, just a little backround on him he is 27. And was previously engaged to a girl who cheated on him six weeks before the wedding. After, that he hooked back up with an old fling from highschool who ended up taking a turn for the worst and got hooked on drugs. And after that we got together. He tells me that for the last seven years of his life he has been worrying about everyone else but, himself and that he just wants to worry about him right now. Spend time with his family. He loves to fish and do outdoor activities and that is what he literally has been doing for the last four months. Hanging out with family and friends. He is not on the prawl for women or anything. And he tells me that what happened with my parents really shell shocked him. It was a bad divorce! Now, as time goes on I miss him more and more and I feel that he is pulling away. WE barely talk now, and I never see him. I did push him away by always talking about the relationship and asking to hangout and chill. And everytime we did I would want to get back together. I would constantly call him and text him. Never, really respecting him and giving him his "space". I finally am, and it really hurts to see that he never calls me or texts me, at all. So, guys. Is it true, do guys really need there space? ME always being there and nagging him, potentially push him away even more and turn the idea "off" of wanting a relationship? Should I really stop all contact, and let him start to miss me? Will he even really miss me though? He says that he loves me and that he does see a future with me. He knows that I will stand by his side and love him forever and that if he wanted a girlfriend he would be with me but, he just doesn't want that right now. Its been almost 4 months...I feel as time goes on that he is just pulling away. I dont know what to do, I really do love this man. And I do think he loves me but, how much space is enough? Is there even hope or should I move on. Thank You Amanda

• One of the Guys 2012-06-05 13:25:47 said:

  @Aurora.......Of course he still cares. Just because he broke up with you doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't still love you. He even said he did. You see Aurora, the thing is, it might seem like he broke up with you out of the blue, but he must have been wondering about this for a while. Your last fight probably was the last straw. So our question for you is, why are you taking all the blame? Can you fill us in more about what happened? What did you do? What did he do? It will help us give you a more complete answer.

• Aurora 2012-06-05 13:11:20 said:

  Dear Guys, I recently was broken up with by my boyfriend, of whom I thought was someone that I was going to have a serious future with. We initially started having issues around the beginning of last week, because I would make a big deal about stupid stuff, making up for a bigger fear of losing him at a later date, as our relationship had progressed to a more intimate nature. Now, I'm aware that this was wrong. But eventually, during fight three of last week, it took a turn for the worse. It ended with him telling me that we needed a break, but I knew that we were stronger than that, so I suggested that we have no contact for a week, and then get back together and discuss to see if we could maybe work things out. In reality, I full faith that we would be able to. Well, a week past, and I was miserable the entire time. I really did love this guy, we had been through so much together, and I still believe that he and I should not have split. I would seriously do anything for him. But aside from that, when the week was over, I got myself all dolled up, and headed to his house. When I got there, I initially apologized right off the bat, and took full blame for everything that had happened the week earlier. We joked, smiled, and I thought that it was all okay. But in the long run, I was way off. He took me on a walk, in which I learned that everything was most definitely not okay, and I also laid everything out on the table. I took full blame, again, promised that I would change for him, and everything else in between. Now, this guy talked to me about having a legitimate future with me, this is how serious I thought that we were. But in the end, he ended up breaking up with me, because he said that he couldn't love me after I had blown up on him. Now, when he did the initial breaking up with me, I told him to look at me and tell me that he doesn't love me anymore, and I'll walk away, but he couldn't. He said that he still did, but that he couldn't do 'this' anymore. Now what I don't understand is how someone that had tol! d me how much he loved me weeks previously, could drop me in a week after that, after one fight. And then HE bawled his eyes out, after he broke up with me. Why? Does he still care? Or is there absolutely no more hope for us?

• vidhi 2012-05-11 00:51:30 said:

  thank you guys...i vil surely think about that..thnk u

• One of the Guys 2012-05-09 07:32:06 said:

  @Vidi.......We understand why you're confused. He's giving you mixed signals. One moment he says he wants to move on, the next he says he can't live without you. To us that just says he's a guy who is very unsure of his feelings. Whether this is related to his mood swings or not almost doesn't matter. He doesn't seem sure of anything. So who's to say this would change if you got back together? And do you really want to be with a guy who you can trust to be there when you really need him? It's possible he'll be back, but you need to think hard whether you really want a life with this man.

• vidhi 2012-05-09 06:42:49 said:

  hi... i was in a relationship with a guy for almst an year now.we were very happy but his family dint accept me so he had sm mental stress abt it but we were ready to wait till the time they agree.he had mood swings n used to broke up with me many times about 4 times in past 1 year but used to patchup.i was very much stressed and was tired of him breaking up dese many times.when he broke up last tym,i called him several times but he said he is fedup of all this.i thot its time to move on n started a new life.i was about to got enganged then he came back n said he cnt live without me.i lied to him about the guy whom i was getting engaged to.i knew dat guy from my office but i told him dat he is a family frn coz i was scared to loose him.he got to know about that n he left me again.i broke my engagement n went bk to him but he dint accept me.i was trying really hard to win his trust again but i dont know wat was going in his mind,he was always in confusiuon.finally he said he is going away although he loves me very much but cant trust me.i love this guy very much and had all the good intentions to live with him and his family. i want to ask whether he will ever come back to me?will he stay with me??should i be in touch with him or leave him alone for sometime.i love him very much.i was very tired of his mood swings and he realized things late but i really want to live with him.will hew ever come back??? thanks...pls reply

• Will my fiance be back? I still love him | The Guy's Perspective 2012-05-06 02:43:21 said:

  [...] Getting back together; is it possible? [...]

• Why did he cry when he’s the one breaking up? | The Guy's Perspective 2012-02-19 04:16:11 said:

  [...] Getting back together; is it possible? [...]

• ms jean 2011-09-23 11:45:23 said:

  my ex and i recently discussed getting back together because we love eachother.We’ve been through a lot and hes been real nice to me (helping out with our child, flurting with me for the past 3 months and he actually said hes been making advances but i never responded to them and he got tired of trying). He says getting back together is on his mind however he advised hes uncertain. he said he doesnt want to get into a situation were if we have an argument he gets asked to leave( get thrown out, he had a son by his ex which he found out when she was 8 months 3 years ago , however hes been single ever since). i wanted a yes or no answer but he says he cannot say yes or no right now. i feel like hes just letting me down easy so i told him if the answer is no ill be ok with it but id rather not wait in limbo. he says he sincerely doesnt know right now and cant say yes or no. am i being taken for a fool with a game?