The Guy’s Perspective

Please visit our new VIDEO PAGE and check out our new videos:

Dating Older Men

Getting Played: Trust your Gut

Getting Played: Listen to your friends

Or check out our You Tube Channel. Getting Played. Please Subscribe and leave us a comment.

Dear Friends,

Thank you for all of your questions. We have a serious backlog, but we are working hard at answering them as quickly as possible. Thanks for your patience. (Remember, it’s not possible for us to answer every question we receive, but we try our best. Please also keep in mind, that your questions, although personal, are meant for public consumption. Meaning, we’ll be answering them on our blog, on this page. Ask the Guys.)

For those of you who have donated to us, THANK YOU. It does take considerable time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. And yes, there are real guys behind the scenes discussing the questions, and responding.

If you’re not sure how much to donate, just give what you’re comfortable with—whatever good advice is worth to you.

Thanks again,

THE GUYS

Some recent questions:

Dating situation: Does this have a chance to become a relationship?

Older woman is confused

Confused: I don’t understand this guy’s behavior?

Multiple Questions

Big problem with relationship: really need help

Men: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them

This guy said I look swell

My boyfriend used to date one of my friends

Getting over him still

Hey Guys,

Okay, my ex and I dated for one year and he broke up w/me. He said all the arguing, stress, and the fact that he wanted to date other women—since he’s only been w/ one other girl before me—made him lose feelings for me two months before the break up. When we broke up he wanted me to stay w/him as he started to cry. He gave me a big hug before parting ways. He felt really, really badly because I’m the closest person he has in his life.

He said he truly loves me and wants to be there for me but just doesn’t love me in the relationship way. I decided to not speak to him for a couple of days and then came to terms w/how things are going to be and decided to be best friends again. We were very close before dating, but we fell for each other. I’m still in love w/him even though I have no real problem being his friend. We see each other now and then but I have some questions that need to be answered regarding if he still likes me or not.

1. We went out w/friends and he was hitting on a girl in front of me all night, and I was somewhat cool w/it. But when it got too much I told him I have to go. I was sober but he thought it was too dangerous for me to go home alone. He demanded I stayed the night. I left anyway behind his back. That morning he called me 25 times. When I answered he was angry that I didn’t stay and that I had his ipod. I asked him if that’s why he called me 25 times and he said yes. He called just for his ipod and that I was supposed to stay at the apartment. I told him he was a jerk and that we can no longer be friends. We hung up went to bed. An hour later I woke up to 15 missed calls, I called him back, we apologized.

2. He lifted weights in front of me and watched to see if I was checking him out. I’ve been telling him that I don’t want a relationship again just to convince him I’m not trying to be friends to get back w/him. He seemed happy I said that.

3. We sat on his bed to watch “24″ and he laid his head on my lap. I moved away and for the rest of that night he looked sad. Dropping me off at my place, I peaked outside the window and he’s parked outside my house looking a bit sad for 5 mins before driving away.

4. He sort of avoided me the next day, no calls, texts.

5. He texted me good morning the day after. We agreed to hang out. He picked me up, watched “24,” and was more friend friend like. He sits/lays closely next to me on the bed. I felt suspicious.

6.In the car, he tells me why we broke up (again), and that he likes being friends because he treats me right. He tells me I’ll find someone more suited for him.

7. In the car he helps me feel better because I’m conflicted w/school. We hold each other and stuff but more friend like.

8. He comes inside my house. One foot on the door he’s gonna leave but I keep him to talk to him more. He stays w/me and we’re like an inch apart from each other staring into each other’s eyes while talking and giggling for 6 minutes, just mega close to each other. He walks out the house. I kiss him on his forehead. He kisses me on mine.

9. He calls me twice this morning to check up on me. We assure each other once more that we’re just friends.

I’m really confused. I need to know if he likes me or is developing feelings for me. If he wants to just be friends and no feelings then I’ll be his friend, if not when is the proper time to talk about it to work something out? HELP!!

Nia

Dear Nia,

Thanks for your question.

We can see how you’d be confused. The lines between friendship and dating are blurred here. Our first reaction is: Do you think it’s healthy for you to still be hanging out with him? We know you say you’re not trying to get him back, but are you really being honest with yourself? It just seems you’re going through a lot of trouble to figure out what he’s thinking, and what he wants.

And what does he want? He says he wants to date other women. That seems pretty clear to us. Otherwise, why in the world would he break up with you? You sound like a great match for him, and the two of you have a wonderful friendship. He’d be a fool to give that up, unless he really views you as a friend, rather than girlfriend.

We can see some inconsistencies from your list, but here’s a guy rule to keep in mind, that might explain things more.

Rule: Guys don’t want their ex-girlfriends to date anyone else, even if they don’t want to date them anymore.

(Maybe we’ll do a video about this. Have you checked out our Video Page?)

Anyway, this rule could explain why he’s keeping you close. Sure, he values your friendship, but on the other hand he hits on other girls in front of you. Then he says he only wants to be friends, but then he kisses you on the forehead, and does other things that make you wonder what’s going on. This is a game. Sure, he’s conflicted, and part of him feels like a fool for breaking up with you, but he also knows he doesn’t want a relationship with you. So you’re getting mixed signals, and this will continue for a long time. In fact this is likely to continue until one of you starts dating someone else seriously.

So you have to decide whether or not this friendship is working for you. If it’s not, time to move on, as sad as that may be.

As far as your question: We think you should talk to him as soon as you’re ready.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us. Join us on Facebook. Twitter.  And “Friend/Subscribe” to our You Tube Channel. Thanks!

Posted in Relationship Advice: Question/Answer

Tagged with: break ups • breaking up • dating advice • Dating questions • getting back together • guy's point of view • guys • men • mixed signals • relationship advice • relationship questions