High School Dating: Am I hot or not??

Posted by rddesigns on March 31st, 2011and was filed in Relationship Advice: Question/Answer with Just one response

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Next Up:

Four years and counting

Did he care at all?

Break up confusion

Dear Guys,

There’s this guy I’m friends with and before we met he always told his friend how hot I was. Well after we met for the first time he told his friend he liked my personality. So we started texting and had really good conversations. Then we hung out twice in a group, and after that he stopped texting. It’s like he didn’t care. My question is, how can a guy say stuff like that and talk to you until like 1:30am but then all of a sudden just stop?

I’m 17 and so is he. We go to the same school but never see each other there.

The only time that he’s kinda asked me out was last week. We were texting and he asked when I was leaving for spring break and I told him not until sometime during the week and he said “Gotcha. Sooo we are all gonna chill this weekend then?” And I said yeah we could go to the movies and he was cool with that, but we ended up not being able to go. The “all” in the message is in reference to his best friend and his girlfriend who happens to be my best friend; that’s how we met.

I’m black and he’s white; I don’t know if that makes a difference or not. It’s not an issue with either of us or our friends cause they’re interracial too. He also said that he respected that I am still a virgin and he said he hates guys that try to pressure girls into sex so I don’t think that’s his main goal. But, I also have had experiences with guys saying that and they turn out to be complete douches so I do have my guard up kinda.

One more thing, my friend said that she was reading her boyfriend’s chat message and the guy I’m into was supposedly hooking up with some girl, which didn’t really bother me because it’s not like we were dating, but I mean it still didn’t sit well with me…

Thanks so much for helping

Asia

Dear Asia,

Thanks for writing to us. Let’s try and sort this out.

This guy is fishing. He’s trying to figure out what his best play is. We’re not completely comfortable with his approach.

First of all, we don’t like to hear that this guy is hooking up with another girl. That’s a red flag in our eyes. On the one hand he says he respects you for being a virgin. But on the other hand he’s trying to get some action from some other girl while he’s pursuing you? What does this say to you? To us it says that his actions speak a little louder than his words.

We will cut him some slack since this is not atypical of a 17 yr. old guy, but really he should just come right out and ask you out instead of being passive and putting the onus on you.

For example. He should say:

“Would you like to go to the movies with me?”

Instead of:

“Are we gonna chill this weekend?”

The first example is active. He’s actively pursuing you. The second is passive. He’s trying to elicit some sort of response from you and get you to be the initiator. And you did just that by suggesting the movies.

Asia, it might feel good to take control, but in the end it’s going to backfire on you. No matter if you’re 17 or 35 or 55, let the man pursue you, at least at the beginning. That doesn’t mean you should play hard to get or play games, it just means, don’t make it easy for him by taking the reins.

So here’s what we think. Just see how this plays out, but let him pursue you. And if you hear about him hooking up with other girls, it might be time to check out some other possibilities yourself.

Best to you,

THE GUYS