Is he playing me?
Posted by rddesigns on April 14th, 2011and was filed in getting played, Relationship Advice: Question/Answer, relationships with 18 responses, what do you think?
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THE GUYS
Check out the video: Getting Played-Trust your Gut
Other questions on “Getting Played”
Different Cultures; is he more than a friend, less than a lover?
Did I get played by this girl? and The Party Guy
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Dear Guys,
So there’s this guy that I really like. I met him through friends and we always party together. We did have a couple drunken hookups – except I’m not sure if he was REALLY drunk or not. We have been talking for a couple months online and hanging out once in a while in a group of friends. The thing is, he told me straight up he doesn’t want a relationship and wants to date around because he had recently broke up with his ex girlfriend of 5 years and is still hurting and not over her. I respected his decision and gave him his space. I also took it as if he wasn’t very interested/into me at all.
The next week when we went out partying together in a group of friends, I see him kissing one of my friends. They were both drunk. When I saw that I became really confused and hurt. I decided it’s best if I avoided him because I really didn’t want to get hurt. Another thing was that my friend that made out with him told me not to get too close to him because he would end up hurting me. How ironic that she was the one kissing him in front of my face. At the club, my friend saw how hurt I was and went up to talk to him and she told me that he said he thought I was really cute and sexy, but he had already told me he wanted to date around and that our personalities aren’t compatible. And I realized it’s kind of true, our personalities don’t click very well.
Anyways, I kept my distance for a bit, but we would still end up talking for a bit. The next time we got drunk together, he tried to kiss me and get all over me again. I wouldn’t let him and I kinda told him off saying that we’re just friends and how I saw him kissing my friend. He said that she kissed him first. It just made me really upset. So I made it clear that we were just friends.
We would still talk once in a while and even stopped talking for a while. It really bothered me because he knows that I like him, but at the same time I know he can’t give me what I want and I should just get over him.
We hung out in our group of friends for a weekend. It was just me and him and his group of friends. His group of friends like me and consider me one of them – the guys. They always tease me, make fun of me and mess with me. He is the only one who never talks to me or makes an effort to and the only one in his group of friends that doesn’t tease me, mess around with me – for example pull my hair, snap my bra straps, pinch me, pick me up and throw me .. etc. The boys all like to play with me. I noticed I have no problems striking conversation with any of the guys. It’s only him I can’t have a decent conversation with. When we hang out in a group, he’s the only one that doesn’t pay any attention to me.
It’s so weird because he won’t talk to me anymore when we hang out, but when I get too drunk he is the one that takes care of me or makes sure I’m okay. When I’m passed out he will tell me to stand up, he will get me water, rub my back, drive me to his friends to crash, sleep with me – cuddle me to sleep. This time around we were about to sleep and he started touching me and kissing me. Then we started to make out and pretty much was about to hook up, but I stopped him because I was on my period. So we did everything but sex.
The next day he acted so awkward. He wouldn’t really talk to me, strike up conversations with me or really talk to me when I started conversations with him. He acted so cold/distant and uninterested. I really don’t understand. It almost makes me feel like he really dislikes me. It is even more weird because we usually hook up because we’re ‘drunk,’ but he told his friend that he was already sobered up by the time we crashed at his friends house. We went to go eat with our friends the next morning, who are a couple and he can talk to other girls no problem. But with me, nothing. Nothing to say, nothing to talk about. I think he felt really awkward and I tried my best to break the ice, but it didn’t work.
What in the world is he thinking? Does he really dislike me that much and just wanted to use me for sex?
It really makes no sense.
Sara
Dear Sara,
Thanks for writing to us.
This guy does not dislike you. He wouldn’t be trying to have sex with you if he disliked you. But unfortunately he’s also not interested in anything more than a drunken hook up.
First of all the drunken hook ups should stop for your sake. Nothing good comes of too much alcohol, and in your case all you’re doing is compromising yourself to be with some guy who isn’t giving you anything but an occasional good time, accompanied by an awkward aftermath and confusing feelings all around. That doesn’t sound worth it to us.
This guy isn’t ready for any type of relationship. He’s pretty much told you that. And if he’s kissing your “friend” in front of you, that should pretty much tell you the story.
Sara, we know you like this guy, but what are you getting from this except for self-doubt and worry?
To answer your question, is he playing you? Inadvertently, yes. What he’s doing is giving you major mixed signals, at least from your standpoint. From ours, he’s doing what many guys do. They say one thing and do another. And when it comes to sex that is very common. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to mess with you specifically; it sounds like this is his M.O. in general.
Here is something for you to understand, and for all the women reading this to think about. If a guy has sex with you it doesn’t necessarily mean anything other than you were available and willing to have sex with him. It could mean that he’s in love with you, but it can also mean he was just horny. In your case, it sounds like the latter. Sorry.
Sara, if you’re getting so drunk that you’re have trouble standing or are passing out, you’re probably going to be making bad decisions when it comes to guys, and hooking up. Maybe you need to take a look at what you’re doing that’s contributing to your confusion. And take a look at the people you’re hanging out with. We’re not saying you should stop hanging out with them, but maybe you have some other friends that are doing different types of things that don’t always involve lots of alcohol.
Good luck. Respect yourself. You’re worth it.
THE GUYS
ps. Let your friends know about us. Thanks!
Some other questions for THE GUYS:
Domineering when I date; I give dating advice to men
Military Relationship; what do I do?
He speaks in facts, she in emotions; should I break up or do long distance?
Not over his ex; should I leave now, or give it a chance?
Booty call or relationship trouble?
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Dating in my 20s as a single mother
My boyfriend is on dating sites; is he cheating?
Tagged with: alcohol • am I getting played? • dating advice • Dating questions • drinking • drugs • getting played • girls • guy's perspective on relationships • guys • hook ups • horny • men • playing me • relationship advice • relationship questions • sex • trust your gut • women
Good advice guys. I’m sorry to say, but it seems to me that the only reason this guy occasionally hooks up with Sara is that she’s ‘convenient.’ He’s been very clear that he doesn’t want a relationship. If I were her, I’d just stay away. And you’re right guys, the alcohol just seems to be confusing the situation further.
[...] Is he playing me? [...]
There’s this guy who was my bestfriend and we flirted alot and he held my hand and did coupleish things with me but he was dating my friend but he flirts with alot of girls and when I moved we were talking on facebook about dreamgirls and stuff he said I was his dream girl and he said all this sweet stuff about y he likes me after a while we tried a long distance relationship he told he loved me and I told him the same he said I was his one and only love and that he never cared for girl as much as he did me then we broke up bc his mom didn’t want him dating someone so far away we didn’t talk for a month then we talked again and he said he didnt move on and that he still loves me then I found out he had a girlfriend and I asked him if he loves her he said no and that he has lots of girlfriends and he loves me and wants me to come back soon and I told him I’m coming back this summer and he said we should catch a movie . Lots of my friends think he’s playing me but. Y would he go through all that trouble and effort I love him but I don’t know if he playing me
@Lily….yes, we have to agree with your friends on this one.
There’s this guy, we were really good friends, he used to come at my place,sleep over, we used to go swimming and stuff, as friends, then things got cold, he started dating a girl and I started dating another guy, his friends told me that he liked me, but I didn’t believe them! one day when I had enough I smsd him saying that I can’t stand watching him with another girl anymore and I want him now more than ever, the next day at school he broke up with the girl and told me that he wants to be with me, after some days he said that he loves me, i told him that i don’t believe him, he said I have to, and he said that loved me since we used to hang out a lot at my place and stuff! 3 days ago joking I sent him saying ” i like u in black, I like in red, but most of all i like in bed” I WAS Kidding!! then he said that he wants to make love to me. Why would he say that?? he knows that I wouldn’t do it right now. I don’t think he was joking! so please tell me if he likes me,loves me or just wanna get me off my pants! plz!! I think I love him that’s the prob!!
@Ele….please contact us through the Ask the Guys page. Leave us a note there. Thanks.
@Hailey……..trust your gut on this one. What do you think? We don’t think he’s playing hard to get. (Watch the videos on Getting Played. They might help. See Video Page)
If you have any more questions, please use the contact page on our website. Thanks. And good luck.
he told me he liked me…… and we are best friends. ive liked him for 7 months now. sometimes, he acts like i dont exist or like he doesnt like like me. i told him today that either he liked me or not…..that we were friends or more but that he needed to decide because i need to know. im tired of getting played and smiling and laughin it off. i really like him but jeeze. any advice that is positive? neggative is okay too but im really shakin up.
@Kenzie……This might sound negative, but actually it’s positive. This guy isn’t going to change. And you deserve better. We know it’s hard, but you really need to move on. Don’t settle for anyone
who isn’t going to treat you with respect, and truly care about your feelings. Take care.
We’ve been friends for about 8 years. A few months ago before I decided to go back to school (med school) and move over 10 hours away we reconnected and hung out. He would tell his friends that we were together so his friends wouldn’t ever make a move on me. I turned him down about 3 – 4 times. The main reason being I was moving. One night, he called me at 3 in the morning asking me why I couldn’t just be with him. He even had his friends convincing me that we should be together. He told me the distance wouldn’t change a thing. Eventually I felt awful because I thought he was pretty upset. He said he could handle a heartbreak, but it didn’t sound like it to be having people call me and tell me “hey, you’re all he talks about.” I did like him, but long distance broke my heart last time so I didn’t want to do it again. But I gave him a chance anyways, yes we did sleep with each other a few times. Then one day it was a total 360. He didn’t talk to me for a few days. And now it’s gotten to the point where he can potentially not speak to me for weeks. And when I do come back from school he’s never around to see me. His friends love me and think I’m one of the most down to earth girls they’ve ever met. I came back from med school for a weekend and I hung out with his friends, but he was up to something else and didn’t see me. If I never spoke to him again I wouldn’t be dying. But I’m really angry because honestly, I think he just wasted my time. I was okey with just having a sexual relationship because again I was planning to move. I didn’t think it was going to be fair for either of us to be far away and “be together.” I want to tell him off, but unfortunately my personality is just to ignore and walk away. Should I confront him? I have more important things to worry about and I really just want this “game” to stop. Advise?
@Lillian……He’s not worth it. He’s still at that stage where he can’t differentiate between what his two “brains” are thinking. Sometimes women think they’re getting played, when in actuality the guy just wasn’t thinking straight. And then after sex, when clarity strikes, he wakes up for the first time and thinks, “Uh oh, what did I do.” Our advice is to move on, and pursue your passion for medicine.
And you also might want to remove yourself from his circle of friends, even though that may be hard. Good luck.
There’es this guy and recently we’ve become close friends. He said he liked me and at first i couldn’t believe it- he’s one of the really popular kids, and is very attractive. And so we had been texting every nights, and then all of a sudden he asked me for pictures. And at that moment it hit me. Maybe he was just saying all this sweet stuff because of what he wanted. I have already been used before like that, and it hurt me so much. Just about a year later, and i’m finally over him, but I really don’t want to go back down that path. When i said no to the pictures, it kynda seemed like he didn’t really wanna be friends with me. He didn’t text me good morning, and the conversations we had every night stopped. Maybe i’m reading to much into this, but i’ve been in this position as i said before and i can’t tell if he’s being genuine or not. I really don’t wanna go through it again. What do youu think?
Thanks Shannon, xo
Okay so I’ve liked this guy for so long now, and he started to like me too at the end of the school year. Then summer came and we didn’t talk much during the summer. When we got back to school he didn’t talk to me anymore. He practically ignored me. But it’s weird because once in while he’ll flirt with me and then go back to ignoring me. I don’t get it. When i’m finally starting to move on he talks all nice. Then ignores. HELP.
@Bellaina…….It’s time to move on. This guy is playing games with you. And is he the kind of guy you want? Even if he asks you out and things are good for a bit, it’s likely the same old pattern will start again. It might be time to ignore him. (We’re not saying be mean, just don’t let him get under your skin anymore.) We’re sure there are lots of cool guys at your school. Good luck. And feel free to ask us another question anytime.
I used to have this thing with this guy who’s a player. We’ve made out before but i was really drunk so i don’t remember. We’ve chilled at his place a lot with other girlfriends and buddies. We’ve only held hands and cuddled. He’s never tried to sleep with me. The thing is I was flirting with one of his close buddies too at the time. When he found out I was still talking to his close buddy he was acting distant from me and stopped talking to me for a week. These guys are really shady to each other by the way. His buddy knew I had a thing with his friend but he obviously just wanted to sleep with me so he didn’t tell him anything.
Now whenever I see him he teases me and talks about all these guys I know (he knows the guys I talk to because my girlfriends blurt it out when they’re around him and his buddies) and makes fun of me. I don’t care if he knows about the guys I talk to because I wouldn’t date guys that are players like him anyways simply because I can’t take them seriously. Like this one time we were all drunk at his place, I met this guy from another buddy’s of mine that I was drinking with earlier that I’m just friends with. He kept calling me and I answered the phone and I was about to leave his place so I can talk in private and he was like “hey babe, can you get my towel?” loudly. I’m obviously like wtf but I don’t really care either. While I was outside of his place talking on the phone telling my friend that I was sleeping soon, he was standing outside eavesdropping on my whole conversation. And when I come back in he’s like teasing me saying “why you lying to your buddy saying you’re sleeping when you’re really at another guy’s place” I obviously didn’t answer because I’m not telling him my excuses cause me and my girlfriends left them to chill with him and his buddies.
Later on, when I was going to leave my girlfriend kept naming all these guys to pick me up and drive me home. She was like you should just go breakfast with them. I was going to kill her because I don’t like guys knowing I talk to other guys. I was like no I don’t want to see them. Then as I was leaving his place he was like “London, let’s go get breakfast!!” teasing me as in he was one of those guys. I really don’t understand what is up with this guy; he is irritating the shit out of me. I don’t get if he’s mad that I kind of played him out, or he’s interested? Like why do you care so much about what’s going on in my life? I don’t care if my girls talk about other guys in his face because I’m not going to date you or see you so I don’t care or have the necessity to be shady. I wouldn’t even care if he talked about girls he’s talking to me either. He did tell one of my girlfriends he was interested in me but told her he was giving up because I was too hard to get. Do guys just act like they care about you just to mess with your head?
@London……Some guys do, but not all. Guys are also territorial, even when they’re not completely interested themselves. For example: Even if he thought of you as only a Booty Call he still wouldn’t want other guys talking to you or messing with you. It’s the way we’re built. He’s definitely interested in you, but it’s hard to say in what capacity. He could want a serious relationship with you, or he could want just sex. Or something in between. Whatever it is, he feels like he can’t get it by being direct so he’s taking the circuitous route to achieve his goal. This alone is a red flag. Guys need to be direct, at least that’s our opinion. Hope this helps a little. Please feel free to ask a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. Also, check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. There are some great female guest writers on there. Thanks!
@one of the guys. He knows I don’t sleep around so would he still consider me as a booty call? I told him I don’t mess around with boys unless they’re my boyfriend. I knew he was interested in me because my girlfriend told me. However, the first time we chilled we were drinking with his buddies and their girls. When we went to a club after he was talking to other girls infront of my face and buying them drinks. I thought he wasn’t even into me until my girlfriend told me he was the next day. The whole time I was drinking with his other buddies and paid some attention to him. I don’t know if this is a clue if he wanted to be serious with me but ever since he thought I was interested in him he stopped being shady with me. He told me what time he was going to some place and told me who he was with. He even explained himself to me. That night after the club we went a restaurant where there were girls. He explained that they were his buddies girls not his when I didn’t even talk about that issue to him. He’s shady again now though because he thinks I talk to a bunch of guys. He said I was too hard to get because I would never come out with him whenever he asked me to chill and it’s only because I don’t set myself up for things like this. Would he actually take me seriously and not think I’m just some hoe he can mess with for a night if he knows that I don’t mess around? Does it make a guy not want to ask a girl out when they know she’s talking to alot of guys or does he like the challenge? I just don’t know what to do with this guy. We kinda get into petty fights that don’t get too serious but you can kinda tell one of us gets offended. Like this other time I was at his place and I was gonna leave with my girlfriend to go drink with her buddies but I told them i’m going home. Apparently ever since I got to his place all i wanted to do was leave. His buddy was complaining and he was too that I wanted to leave. He later put on his fb status implying me to leave. Why do guys do that on their statuses..? after he was all mad at me when I was gonna hug him and say bye. i forced the hug on him and left haha i was drunk btw.
@London………Guys like a challenge at first but they certainly don’t want their girlfriend flirting with a ton of other guys. The definition of Booty Call is: Semi-regular sex without any sort of commitment. Slightly different than a Friends with Benefits arrangement, but similar. Our advice: Cool it a bit with the drink, and see if he’ll ask you out on a proper date. Maybe drop a hint, or let your friends know so they can tell his friends, that you’d be open to having him ask you out. Meeting up at bars, parties, and at his house isn’t going to give you answers. Those situations are just a bit too nebulous. You need to know definitively, which means your goal should be for the two of you to go out without ANYONE else with you.