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Hi Guys,
I’m 14 and broke up with a guy about 6 weeks ago. We had been good friends for a year or so and we both liked each other for quite a while before we started going out. We only dated a few months, and we broke up because he said that I was flirty with other guys. He also said he is really stressed about his schedule since he is juggling school, homework, and sports. This makes it difficult to see each other.
Since we broke up he has been texting me almost everyday, but then sometimes he ignores me at school, especially around his football friends. Usually he starts texting me as soon as he finishes practice. There are other times that he talks to me or hugs me at school. I have asked him if he is over me and he says he isn’t. He has told me by text that he still misses me, but then a few days later he’ll tell me that I am not faithful because I flirt with others boys in class. He says that his football friends tell him everything. He seems to know who is interested in me, and tells me the names of the boys.
Recently, the subject of Homecoming Dance came up. I asked him if he was going with anyone, and he said probably not. I’ve been hinting that I’m interested, but he hasn’t done anything about it. He then told me that a friend of his wants to ask me to Homecoming. He said that he wasn’t going to interfere with his friend’s plan since he knows that his friend wouldn’t do that to him. He said that if I wanted to go with his friend, it would be okay. Then he said, “I guess it would.” I told him (by text) that I wanted to go with him, and I told him that I liked him. I didn’t get a response last night. I am so confused.
Does he still like me and just is trying to deal with his confusion and hurt feelings? Does he really want me to go to the dance with this other guy? Is this just a test to see how I feel about him? Help!!!! :[
Anne
Dear Anne,
Thanks for your question.
One thing’s for certain: If you go to the dance with this other guy you can kiss any chance you might have with your ex-boyfriend goodbye. So let’s start off by saying: Do not go to the dance unless you go with your ex.
Now let’s back up and start from the beginning. We think your ex-boyfriend still likes you, and probably never really wanted to break up with you in the first place. If he’s around your age it’s likely he’s just beginning to explore the world of girls and dating. This makes sense to us because his inexperience is causing him to be jealous. And instead of talking about how he feels with you, he’s placing the blame on you, calling you unfaithful and a flirt.
One word of caution Anne: You don’t want to be with someone who tries to control your every move. So if the two of you DO get back together, make sure you still have the freedom to be yourself, and hang out with the people you want to hang out with. This doesn’t mean you get a free pass to do whatever you feel like doing; it just means you don’t want to be with someone who stifles you.
Another complication here is how easily he’s influenced by his football friends. Of course this is pretty typical for teenagers. It’s the rare individual who can walk his own walk, even under the watchful eyes of his peers. In fact for many young people, the most important part of their lives is being accepted and liked by their peer group. This would explain why he acts differently when he’s at school and even more differently around his football buddies. And this is all part of the overall picture that tells us he’s insecure and very unsure of himself. (It doesn’t matter how he acts outwardly. Inside he’s confused, hurt, and unsure of himself.)
So how do we solve this problem? Let’s look at several issues, questions, and scenarios that you are facing.
1. If you go with his friend to the dance he’ll be crushed, and it’s unlikely he’ll ever go out with you again.
2. Even if he goes with you to the dance, he might feel uncomfortable about it because he knows his friend is also into you. And once again, being part of that peer group (The football guys) might take precedence over being with you.
3. How can you find out if he really wants to go out with you again without completely putting yourself at risk for rejection?
4. If the two of you go back out together, who’s to say he won’t start accusing you of “cheating” again?
The best case scenario is: You let him know how you feel and hopefully he’ll step up to the plate and ask you to the dance. If this doesn’t happen the next possibility is to ask HIM to the dance. We know this isn’t typically how things are done—and this certainly puts you in a precarious position of being hurt—but you will get an actual answer, and won’t be left wondering. Finally, you could also let him know you still like him and then leave the ball in his court. Meaning tell him you’d like to be with him again, but once you have that conversation, stop the casual flirting and texting until he really shows that he’s serious about going out with you again.
Finally we just want to say that part of what’s going on is par for the course for young people your age. We’re not saying that your feelings aren’t real. They are! But we are saying that young people, especially boys, are pretty fickle at this age. And even if you play this exactly right it still might not work out because of your respective ages.
We hope this at least gives you some insight into your situation. Leave us a comment and keep us posted.
Good luck,
THE GUYS
ps. Let your friends know about us. Look for us on Twitter soon.
@Sally......There's a caveat to what we said previously. Many guys might think they're way into a woman, but sometimes they don't know until they have sex with her. We know, not the greatest thing to hear. But up until that point it's all just foreplay. The dinners, the introductions, the sweet sayings. Once a guy has sex with a woman—this could be a few times— his hormones drop and he starts to come back to reality. The woman is less a fantasy and more a reality. Then he has to ask himself the question: Do I see a long term relationship with this woman or was I just horny? This poses a problem for women because many men use this to their advantage. Those guys are players. The only way to differentiate between a good guy and a player is to trust your gut, ask your friends, and don't proceed too quickly. But still, there are no guarantees. Relationships are a risk. You either play the game or be lonely. Sorry. We wish we could give you some formula, but alas, it doesn't quite work that way. However, every guy you date, or are in a relationship with, will help inform you for the next time.
Honestly all these guys (3) are doing everything that a guy who seems to want more would do. Out for dinner/lunch, introduce me to friends, take me to friends' goodbye parties, not get angry when I say 'I'm not ready for that' ("that" = kiss, sex, all the physical stuff), talk about 'meaningful' stuff like family/work, not look at other girls/other people while we're out, on time, plan ahead, never flake etc. HOWEVER, SO DID THE LAST GUY (THE EX)!!! And now, let me confess, I'm not the best girl either. I hacked into his online diary and read everything he wrote. Of course he could have lied in his personal diary that he keeps that he told no one about but anyways, I felt safe to care about that EX because he was so genuine (actions, diary, friends, everything). I cross checked everything he said and practically knew where he was every day, etc. We didn't start off fast and he never said sweet words/lie to get in my pants. I trusted he liked me but you Guys are saying I'm wrong. "We think when you meet the right guy you'll see that many of your questions will disappear. It will be clear that he's into you." Not to be narcissistic, but many guys are 'into' me. However, it may just be lust or it may not be genuine. How do I tell the difference? I don't want to get emotionally involve with anyone who is going to let me down.[Side note: About the ex, I obviously care about him right? However, I would never leave my job and move to where he is. Honestly, I'm not willing to do long distance either because I know it will just end badly. Does that mean I don't "love" my ex?] Thanks guys. Sorry for the small donation. I'll donate more later.
@Sally.....First of all, thank you for your donation. We appreciate it. To your questions. 1. Yes. The ball is in his court, but we wouldn't wait around. 2. It all depends. Are these new guys taking you out on the town or do they just want to "hang out" at their apartment. Are you meeting their friends/family? Do they talk about anything meaningful? Those would be signs that you're more than just a booty call. 3. Yes, a guy would move. He might also ask if you would move. (If he had a really good job, or a house or something like that.) Bottom line: We think when you meet the right guy you'll see that many of your questions will disappear. It will be clear that he's into you. That's why we keep saying, this guy is not your guy. Have fun out there. And be smart and safe. You deserve a guy who loves and respects you the way you love and respect him. He's out there. Don't settle.
Hi Guys! Thanks for the advice! I just made a donation since you Guys are wonderful! :-) I understand completely what you are saying. (1) If anything is going to happen at all, the ball is on his court right? So I've been dating guys but not getting physical with any of them. (2) How do I know if I am 'sex + girlfriend' as opposed to just sex? (2) Is it true that a guy would truly move to be with me if he was extremely into me? I'm not sure if you track IP addresses but I'm not actually where my IP address says.
@Danielle.....We're sorry. We know this is hard for you to come to terms with. We'll start with your questions. He keeps your things because he doesn't want to deal right now. It's possible he's sentimental, but it sounds like he's also pretty clear where he stands. And he's also pretty clear where you stand. And that's why he doesn't want to see you. He doesn't want to get into with you. He knows you want him back even if you're not saying it. So he's avoiding. Guys do that. He's hoping that eventually you'll move on and then it won't be so emotional. Be careful here. Even if the two of you got together casually it could turn into more than that for that night. Sex. But that wouldn't mean he's changed his mind. It just means he was horny and lonely. So your best bet is to let him initiate any sort of contact. He has to be the one to realize his mistake and come back. If he doesn't do that then you'll have to move on. Good luck and take care.
@oneoftheguys I need help getting my ex back (as you may have guessed) and i need to know if there is even hope. What does it all mean and does he still have feelings for me? I have tried it all! prayer, tarot cards, therapy, positive thinking... I've exhausted my options... thus, this email. I am desperate... please help me! I apologize in advance for the length, but I wanted you to have a very clear picture! I will give you the back-story: He is my everything! I admit I lost myself a bit in the relationship and I'm learning from that everyday. We have been on and off for the past 6.5 years. I am 25 and just graduated college and he is 26 hes a paramedic and graduated from Fire Academy last year, but hasn't been able to get picked up with a Fire Department, yet. after 3.5 years ON, we have been broken up for 10 weeks now and I've really changed. Hanging out with my friends, remembering hobbies, going to the gym (I've lost 17 lb.), therapy, I'm taking EVERYONE'S advice and outwardly I'm doing great. I've even gone out with 10 guys in the last 10 weeks! In the end of our relationship I was stressed out of my mind finishing up my bachelors degree and he was stressed trying to get a fire job. we began arguing a lot (which was very unlike us) and he told me if it didn't stop he would leave, he couldn't take the fighting... and that's exactly what he did. I had felt him pressing boundaries and i just pulled him tighter and it broke us. Jan 26th 3013 i left his house for work (we live 75 miles apart, always have) and he begged me to stay, he didn't want to spend another day without me, couldn't wait to buy our house, start our life, etc. he was so excited! We had a Realtor and a lender and were putting in offers on homes together, we'd even gone looking at rings in December. He told me that when I left that morning it felt like I took a piece of him with me and that he loved me more than anything in this world, such beautiful things to say & he ALWAYS said sweet things like that! well that night he stayed out late and i didn't hear from him and my insecurities got the best of me, i flipped out on him.... and that was the last straw. After that he needed "space to figure things out" so I gave it to him and we talked here and there for a week and when i asked him why he wouldn't say I love you or I miss you or i hate you, he replied because he wasn't feeling a whole lot of any of those things... OUCH! I explained how much work I'd been doing and how great it felt and how proud he would be of me I wrote him a letter telling him all of this and how much I love him, he told me that he liked the letter very much, also that 8 days wasn't long enough to change that much forever and that he was sorry for me that he was confused and that he was in the emotional dumps and didn't know how to get out... well another week and I didn't contact him, nor did i hear from him. Finally, I called him Feb. 12th and told him we needed to talk, that he took his time and now it was my turn so we could sort this out. the next day he texted me "I can bring you most of your things today" WHAT!?!? My heart sank, he wouldn't answer my calls, only text... very cowardly! well long story short he said that he was independent I was dependent, he wanted to party i wanted to settle down, my insecurities were supposed to be gone by the 1 year mark and it had been 3, i didn't like his friends and that among other things made us grow too far apart, but that wasn't to say I wasn't a great gf i was honest, trustworthy, loyal, understanding, very loving, compassionate, etc. but that he thought it was time to move on. WHAT!?!? well i told him I couldn't believe he was going to end six years without a conversation. He replied that there was nothing to talk about, that he already knew what i wanted because we'd talked so much about it. Rough! so we decided to meet that night to exchange things and he backed out, he was busy and didn't want to talk about it. Well over the first 2 months I would text him every once in a while between 3-10 days and about 80% of the time he would text back. i never said i love you or i miss you, just a picture of my diploma, or i hope you have a great day or happy Easter. Well I finally got up the courage to drop is stuff off at his house i was going to go Tuesday while he was at work, i was committed.. well Monday night i got a text from his sister asking if i had gotten my stuff back (he has A TON of my things: snow gear, bathing suits, jewelry, pajamas, underwear.... i pretty much lived at his house 3-5 days a week) and i told her NO! and she said her mom called her and told her all of my things were still in his room. My pictures all up, our stuffed toys on the bed, our scrapbooks in the bookshelf... it had been a Month since he broke up with me. ( ... Let me add I'm very close to his family I'm in the middle of the family photo, his family have never accepted any of our break ups or anyone else hes ever dated. i was always considered the daughter in law and the princess.) This information sent me into a tailspin!!! I text him that night when i got of work at 10pm and for the first time I asked him a question "hey, how are you?" he replied to me "im ok. cant seem to catch up on everything. you?" i replied "I'm good. just got off work. long day. gym, apps, work. how was your day?" he replied "ehh it was ok, got another long two days coming. im going to crash out. i hope everything's good. gtg" i sent back "I hope they're better than, ehh ok. goodnight." I sent him a long letter that next week: i told him how good I was doing, that I didn't have any questions to ask, that i smile a lot and hoped he did too, that i don't hate him or blame him, that I miss him, I love him unconditionally, that i lied when I told him I'd never do this with him again, and that even though everything is going good and positively that its better with him and that there are things i want in the future and things I'd like to continue doing now, but that i'd like to do them all with him by my side. He never acknowledged it, but it was pretty heavy! Since then we've exchanged a few texts (I always initiate) I invited him for drinks on the 7th saying "I'm going to be out your way tonight, we should grab a beer or something. id like that" he responded "no can do, have a good night" i responded "will do. you too. maybe some other time" about 10 days later I had sent a love song dedication (I had done this before in our relationship and he got teary eyed he loved it so much) it said basically I've learned to live without him and sometimes I miss him. I hoped to hear from him soon. I don't know if he heard it, but i sent a text that if he wanted to listen between now & 9pm i had sent in a dedication and it played 7 minutes later. That was the last contact I made. I'm not sure if i should just give up at this point... I've gone NC now for the past 22 days and I figure I've tried everything short of sky-writing!!! The only thing that keeps me holding on is that he always comes back to me. Why keep my things & why not be able to face me or heat my voice? Please help!
@Sally.....That's our opinion. Take it for what it's worth. The fact that you're thinking so much about this guy should tell you that you're still emotionally invested in him, at least in some way. Just something to consider. Take care and glad you're meeting new people.
"We just worry that you're going to be stuck in an emotional holding pattern while you're waiting around for him." Thanks guys. I'm not necessarily emotionally stuck on him. I know there are many other guys. It's just that my ego doesn't like it when I feel that he doesn't care about me or doesn't still care about me. Has this ever happen to any of you guys? I think he's a great guy but I am meeting many great guys that are rich too (because I'm no longer in the college environment). So you guys think I should not contact him for sure right? His birthday is in December, maybe I can say Happy Birthday? I am already going out with many guys (no sex) but I guess I need to keep my ego in check...
@Sally.... We don't see this going anywhere. Sorry. Maybe he's not a player, but he's moving on. We think you should as well. But at the very least, wait for him to contact you. We just worry that you're going to be stuck in an emotional holding pattern while you're waiting around for him. And then once you finally do move on, you're going to be pissed at yourself for doing that. Something to think about. Take care.
Can I add also that I left him August 2012. In November 2013 (after NO CONTACT) his friend contacted me and told me that he doesn't have a crush on me. My EX and I used to joke that his friend have a crush on me. When his friend started texting me too much (even after I left), my EX asked me if I wanted him to talk to his best friend for me. So I guess in November 2013 they fought about me. My point is, he always stood up for me and I don't think he's a player.
Thanks guys for answering. While we were dating, he never flakes, answers my calls, we hang out during the weekends and I've met all his friends. I do trust him and I never got any player vibes. Through grapevine, I heard that he couldn't defend his dissertation so he cannot get his PHD yet. He's an international physic Japanese student. As for his exact response, this is what he said: "I am sorry for not replying to your message. I don't know how to say this well, but I don't think there is anything good for us. Not yet. I hope you are doing great. I'm doing alright. I think we need more time, I hope you understand." His English is OK, not great. Is it possible that it is too painful to keep in contact as just friends? What do you guys think? He will never really be where I am because I will be working in Asia for at least 3 years and he needs to do his post doc in the US after he gets his PHD. I have decided to wait until he contacts me (if he ever does). If he wants to talk to me, he would contact me right?
@Sally.....He's not making sense to us. On the one hand he says the two of you need more time with no contact, but then he says he'd like you to have a future together? He seems either confused, or a player. Either way, do you trust him?
My EX boyfriend and I broke up 8 months ago because I moved away to pursue my career. We only dated 'officially' for 4 months and we both did not want to do long distance across the world (him in MA 29 years old, I'm in China 24 years old)in the end. The break up was basically mutual. Therefore, I wanted to be friends. We had sex for the first time (i.e. after dating for 4 months) two days before I left and then once more a day before I left. He was hesitant because we were definitely not continuing the relationship and also because I was a virgin. I told him its OK and meant it. We agreed on no contact for a while and when I told him Happy Birthday 4 months after I left, he still wouldn't reply to my FB Happy Birthday message. Therefore we haven't really been talking. He called me twice in October 2012 but I couldn't pick up because I was at work and I asked for more 'no contact.' A week ago (i.e. 8 months after we broke up/I left the country), I messaged him just saying 'hi' and he replied. He basically said sorry he didn't reply and that he thinks we need more time of no contact and hopes I'm doing great. He said he's doing only alright. He also said that he would like us to have a future together. Did he ever liked me? Is he trying to string me along with that message? Why wouldn't he want to be friends?
@Stella.....We're sorry. Breakups are tough. Hang in there. To answer your question: It's possible he might consider trying again, but it all depends on why he broke up with you in the first place. And the problem is that you may never actually hear the truth, only the partial truth. If he truly just knows in his heart that he's not into you anymore it's unlikely he'll want to say that to you, even though that's probably exactly what you need to hear to help you move on. However, let's not assume anything. He is young, and it's possible he needs some space. Give this some more time. But let him initiate contact and any sort of reconciliation. And why are you rushing into dating other people when it's clear you're not ready? Just sit with this. Let yourself grieve. And see what happens.
Hey guys! I have a similar issue. My boyfriend of four years recently broke up with me. He told me that he needed time to be alone and figure things out by himself. He told me that he still loved me, cared about me and was still attracted to me. We're only 20 so I can understand why he feels he needs to live alone for a bit before 100% committing to someone. The breakup absolutely devastated me. I didn't handle it well. Many times he called to comfort me and check up on. I'm ashamed to admit that in some of those conversations I begged for him to come back. In one moment of vulnerability he admitted that he was scared of regretting things. Right now we haven't spoken for 8 days. I decided to go no contact for the next little bit to help clear my head. I don't know what to do anymore. I still struggle with why exactly he broke up with me. What do you think he meant? Is there still a chance that after some searching he would give the relationship a second chance? I've been dating here and there since the breakup but I don't feel the same. I just want a second chance.
[...] Is my ex-boyfriend still into me? [...]
@Nicole....We hate to be the ones to say there's absolutely no chance. It doesn't look great honestly. The question is: Why was he even open to this infatuation? If he was so into you we doubt this would have happened.
@one of the guys... Do you think that it's all gone? Like he there's really no chance of us getting back together. Could he be like suppressing the feelings he has for me, and it's just covered up by the infatuation that he "feels" with her ?
@Nicole....We're sorry. To you this breakup came out of nowhere but he's been thinking about it for quite some time. That's how breakups work. As per this other girl. She's likely part of the reason he broke up with you. Not that it was her doing, just that he may have decided he was more into her than you. Or maybe he just wasn't sure if he felt the way he wanted to feel when he was with you. We know it's hard to hear but we don't think you're going to get much of an explanation from him. He's already moving on. All talk of friendship etc. is just to soften the blow. He doesn't realize that he's only making it harder on you. We're really sorry. Hang in there.
So I've been dating this guy for almost two years. The two years were honestly life changing, we were so in love and when I mean in love I mean MADLY in love. We did almost everything together. After about a month we introduced each other to our families. Over the two years we grew relationships with each others families. His parents and his sister loved me, we would spend a lot of time together with his family. I'm the only girl he's introduced to his family and my family loves him too. Everyday with him was amazing until it got to the end of our relationship. He broke up with me in Janurary. We fought a little near October and November although it was an obstacle we got over or at least I thought we did. After time went by I thought everything was back to normal he was saying "i love you." He didn't seem distant at all, one day after we took a short nap together in bed. He breaks up with me. OUT OF NOWHERE. Hours before he broke up with me we were discussing our anniversary presents. Our anniversary was 20 days away. I cried for a whole week. He told me he doesn't know if he felt the same way anymore. Though he said he just wants to be friends still. Which doesn't make sense because he was just telling me that he wants to be with me. He says he still cares about me and loves me as a friend. A week after we broke up he started hanging out with this girl who was his best friend. I suspected something was going on between them. So I asked they told me nothing and that they were just friends. I believed them but I still was worried. I dont want to be friends with him, but he wants to but he really wont tell me why. Though he's okay with me walking out of his life he said that, "if its what you really want, then I won't stop you from doing it. If that helps you move on than ok." Everytime I talk about moving on he wants me to me to move on to other people? Why would he want that? Three weeks later, i noticed that him and her have hanging out almost everyday like him and I used to. So I began to ask if ther! e was so mething. I found out they both like each other. So I asked him if he ever plans on dating her? He said, "i don't know. Maybe. Possibly. I don't know what the future holds I'm just living in the present now and see where that takes me." I don't know what to believe. I just want to know if what might be going on through his head through all of this? He said he cares about me and doesn't want to hurt me yet he broke my heart now he's moving on to someone else. Plus this girl, was in the same situation I am in. I've spoken to her, she likes him and does want to date him. Although whenever they do something, my ex always talks about our relationship and our memories together. What is he trying to do? What should i do? I mean im on NC right now with him, but i feel like im just fueling his new relationship. He already bought her a necklace, yet he says theyre just friends. I'm just so confused. Please help :(
@Marina.....Guys go through this during break ups. Something isn't right. They can't pinpoint it. It depresses them. They question the relationship. They beat themselves up over it. They reassure their partner but their actions don't match their words. It's a mess. Of course he's depressed. Of course he's sad. Breakups are. But that doesn't mean he's coming back or that he thinks he was wrong to break up. Maybe he needs to be alone right now, but once again, that doesn't mean when he's feeling better, that he wants to start over. (It could, but there are no guarantees.) We'd keep your expectations low Marina, and just see what happens. If this truly isn't about you or your relationship, then he needs time to figure that out. If he does come back, he needs to be the one to initiate and push that process. Thoughts? Questions?
My ex and I were amazing, had a healthy relationship and made each other very happy. We were each other's first love and first bf/gf. We dated for 2 years. He broke up with me twice in a span of 2 months and came back the first time. But both reasons were not anything about "us" he simply had a nervous breakdown at the age of 19 with his emotions and school. Saying "when I sit down to study all I can think about is you". Pushing friends, me, everyone and everything away. He is dealing with some stress right now, unrelated to me. He really wanted to stay friends but I told him I could not because it was hard for me. He didn't want to "lose me completely". I stated that we do a NC unless he wants to get back together or really needs a friend to talk to. He still loves me, has feelings for me, thinks im "the perfect girl for him" (as he told his guy friends days ago), and has no interest in seeing other people (what he told his friends and I). This is time and space he needs for himself, but wont say if we will get back together he "cant tell the future". His emotions are everywhere but I love and care for him deeply. I honest think he is manic depression. Any advice? He does have family issues right now. It's been months and his fb is still deleted (didnt block me) since the day we broke up, hasn't gone to family events, or hung out with his close friends. Just stays at home and studies. Additional Details And we broke up 4 months ago. The first 2 weeks of the breakup he texted me multiple times telling me "how hard it has been". I told him about the NC about 3 months ago. Haven't talked in 3 months. Thats the last time we talked. He is very over dramatic and emotional do to his lack of emotion that he has gotten from his family. He told me I held him up for a long time. He would always tell me how lucky he was and how much he loves me. We both treated each other like diamonds. He would always tell me that when he works at school, the idea of him and I being together with a family, only motivates him. It was so out of the blue break up. Not to toot my own horn, but there is no other girl. I don't know what more he would want in a woman to be honest. I tried so hard through the relationship to keep it up but he would always be depressed the last month we dated (nothing between him and I). So I want all the effort to come form him next time. Do all guys go through this?
@Noa.....Honestly, it's hard to say what he's thinking. But you need to let him initiate. Is it possible he told you he'd rather be friends because he wasn't sure how you felt about him? Maybe if you make it clearer to him that you'd be interested in exploring more than a friendship he might come around and get the hint. What do you think?
I dated this guy at work for a few months, things were going good, but I wasn't ready for a relationship.(I had just moved and had really bad depression and homesickness because of it.) one day he sent me a text saying he'd rather be friends, It hurt but I was ok with it because of what was going on in my life. Its been about 6 months since then and I still can't get him out of my head. I started flirting with him again and I think his flirting back, but I'm not sure since I'm kinda oblivious and sometimes think its just wishful thinking because he is just a really kind hearted and playful person to begin with. I'll catch him looking at me, his always teasing me, asking how I am, saying bye specifically to me after saying bye to everyone, his tickled me once, and when he learned he wasn't going to train me in kitchen he was sad but said it was because he was looking forward to having a 3 man team to close. So is it wishful thinking or does he really do like me still? Also if so why won't he ask me out again? and what can I do to encourage him?
@Lynn/Stacie.....You're welcome. Keep us posted and come back and ask a question anytime. Thanks for sharing our site with all of your friends. We appreciate it! Take a moment to help a fellow reader and VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.
*that was odd, not sure that message showed the name Lynn, but it was actually me again : )
Thanks for the responce, not that I expect it to change anything, but actually if I hadn't pushed so hard for him go persue his carieer, he probably never would have left in the first place. When he left we did try long distance and he was very much set on making the distance work, but I was the one who couldn't handle it handle it, so I gave up. He tried vigorously to change my mind, but I didn't want to hear it so I stopped contact. According to his parents he was distraught for some time after, wanting to quit school to come home and ask me to marry him. Fortunately, his parents convinced him otherwise. This has been his lifelong dream, I would NEVER stand in the way of that. It wasn't until talk of reuniting that he decided that he wasn't interested in long distance. Anyway, your advice did open my eyes to something I hadn't previously thought of. Yes, there always has been something holding him back from me. After all, we were together for a long time, and if I was as awesome and amazing to him as he claimed in his letter, why had our relationship never been taken to a higher level? Thanks for the eye opener! I really appreciate the male insight :)
@Stacie......Yes, it is hard to read minds, but we'll take a gander. 1. He very much meant everything he said to you in the letter. 2. He also very much means he wants to move on. 3. Even though he said all of those things, we get the sense that there's something he's not telling you, something that's always held him back. (Possibly that you're already a mother and have a child and he wants only his own family. Could be that you're older than him and that he wants someone younger but doesn't want to say it. (For a variety of reasons.) But there's something that made him choose his career goals over a relationship with you, and that he didn't work harder to make it all work, or the fact that he wasn't willing to even try a long-distance relationship. All are signs that there's something missing for him that he's either not telling you, or he can't pinpoint himself. So why did he contact you? Our guess: Loneliness; he hasn't met anyone else. Maybe even that he's horny. (Sorry, we're just putting it all out there for you to go through.) And of course he misses his "best friend." It's only logical for him to think about you. Honestly, we see this back and forth going on for a long time. It will last until he meets another person, or until you put a stop to it. Could it work again? It's possible. Like we said, we can't read minds. But in our experience, no, it's unlikely, or if it does, it will be a long time from now, and you'll both be very different people. Your thoughts? Hang in there. We know this might be hard to read but it comes from a supportive place. take care.
Last November, about 4 months after our relationship turned long distance, I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years (he's 30 and I'm 34). He had decided to attend college out of state, and although I urged him to go; and follow his dreams (it's a prestigious music college), the thought of a long distance relationship for the next 4 years terrified me. Before going, he did ask me to join him, but as a single mother, uprooting my son just wasn't an option. After about 3-4 months, I saw him logged onto Skype, and contacted him to just casually say hello and see how he was doing. I had thought I was completely over him, until I got one look at his smiling face... And realized, that I wasn't over him at all, in fact I was still very much in love with him. A couple of days later, I called him and asked if we could give it another try. At which time, he stated that he had gotten over it, and was uninterested in a relationship at that time. I know when a guy says that sort of thing, the best thing you can do is believe him, but I just couldn't. We were together for 6 years, and have had some serious ups and downs during that time, and the only thing I can tell you, is that while Skyping with him, that was not his look or reaction to someone he was over and completely uninterested in. We continued to maintain contact, and shortly there after, we made plans to go visit him for a weekend. We had a great time, like we never missed a beat. We were even back to using our old pet names. A few weeks after that, he came home for a visit, and once again, we had a great time, pet names, physical affection, referring to me as his girl, we went on dates, the whole nine yards. After he left, once again we had the relationship discussion, this time he said that due to the geographical distance between us (he being in New York, and myself in Florida), that a relationship between us while he is away is just not possible, and besides that he was no longer in love with me and although he tried, he cannot seem to regain those feelings. But, still I didn't believe him, so I told him that although I have no choice but respect what he is saying, I did not believe that what he was telling me was completely the truth. To which, he responded by telling me that I am very intuitive and a good judge of character. Shortly after this conversation, our communication became very superficial, and cold. Upon mentioning this to him, I received a very long beautiful, yet heart breaking e-mail. This is one of the paragraphs: "when i picture us just being friends, it's a dull uninteresting thought. i want to know what happens in your life, but part of me knows it's best to seal ourselves off from each other. someday you'll have a new boyfriend and i never want to know about it. if we were still friends talking in two years from now and you told me about your new boyfriend, id hate it. it's just a reminder that it didn't workout between you and i. I'm going to ask this, and tag on a challenge. i loved the shit out of you when we were together!!! you were the best! in bed, in laughter, in surprise vacations, the whole works! you f...ing rocked! and XXXX has the best mom. you are smart and strong. you are a real woman, a gorgeous woman! everyone thought you were sexy, all of my friends! even XXXX! you're creative, and i could go on forever about the radical memories you've engrained into my mind. I don't need to list or share the memories with you...you have the same ones in your head already. and you always will. i always will, and so will you. Here's what i'm going to ask. Please don't respond to this letter, ever. And the challenge is to never contact me again, at least for years. That's gotta sound so crazy! But it's the only way. Let's not spoil our badass memory bank with dull bullshit. typical formalities and safe emails is lame, and that was never how we rolled. any communication at this point will never amount to the cool shit we've done. it's been a giant, kick-ass thrill with you, and let's cut it off clean and dry. you and i can't talk, or write, or text anymore. it's way too f...ing sad. it's making it so much worse. it's hurting you, and i don't want it to poison the good stuff. you are f...ing amazing to me! and not to toot my own horn but, I KNOW YOU FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME, I KNOW IT!!!! Take that awesome brain that we filled with good material, and let it heal. You know you need to move on now. Don't call me, take my number out of your phone, and get rid of my email. You can't email me, or text anymore. I don't want you to contact me anymore. not even once. and definitely don't mail me a real letter or picture. no way." So, I didn't/ haven't. That was back in July. Then, last Thursday, I received a text from a number I didn't know, asking me how I was doing, it was him. He said that he just wanted to say hey, and that he was gonna be in town for a week or to, and that this is his new number. 2 days later, he texted again, this time inviting me to hang out. I accepted the offer and have seen him all but 2 days since he's been here. It's been nice, but it's all happened so fast, and was so unexpected, we've had our "close" moments, but there has also been this looming sense of awkwardness, especially when it's time to say our goodbyes. I mentioned it to him, and he agreed that he was feeling it to, he said that he didn't "feel it smart to just jump back into things full force", when he will be leaving again in a week. And, that he has been holding back in lieu of our new relationship status as "friends or whatever it is that we are right now". Do you have ANY idea what could be going on in his head? It just doesn't add up to me, especially after that e-mail where he states he doesn't want to be my friend, nor does he want contact. Now, here we are only 5 months later and he's contacting me, for a friendship? Yet, when he speaks about it, he doesn't even really fully commit to being just friends. And if he's over it and just wants to be friends, what's he needing to hold back, in the first place? Not to mention the 1,000 other questions spinning around in my head due to the contradiction between this new awkward friendship and some of the points he made throughout the rest of the e-mail. Sorry this message is so long, but in order for you to get any king of read on the situation, I think the background is pretty vital. I understand that you can't read minds, but any insight you could possibly offer will be greatly appreciated.
@Michelle......When relationships get into this cycle—the one we mentioned—the conclusion is usually just being delayed. That's our take on your situation; but of course, we're not living it like you are. Our advice would be to move on. We don't see this going anywhere. Sure, you might try again, but if he's not doing some serious "work"—seeing a counselor, applying himself in different ways, maybe making some new friends—he's going to fall into his same behaviors, and the relationship will fall into the same old patterns. From our perspective, this relationship is keeping you in a holding pattern. We think your plan about school and moving out is a good one. And we agree, you need to focus on yourself.....let yourself heal, and then let yourself be open to new possibilities. Don't let the fact that you're not meeting a lot of interesting new guys, keep you going back to your ex. Take care and keep us posted. Ask as many follow-up questions as you'd like. And thanks for sharing our site with your friends. We do appreciate it.
Thank you for the response.I've never had anyone ever cheat on me before so this life change has been very difficult especially since we were planning on getting married plus he never really gave me a good reason for leaving me.From my guess, it sounded like he wanted to figure out some life things first and maybe try dating others to see if I really was the one but totally went the wrong way to go about it. I could understand if we needed some time apart or even if we talked our issues out but now, I dont know. It was also confusing when we went to go see a movie together months ago,sat next to eachother and he began to stroke my pinkie with his since we were sharing the arm rest, I thought nothing of it but then he pinkie locked with mine and then held my hand. we mostly held hands during the whole film. At times, he'll in a way, still want to kiss me too, he's even told me 'its not that i wont or cant but because i have something good going on and I dont want to mess it up' I say too late for both ends, even his new 'gf', she knows that he cheated on her with me and she's 'ok with that and how she understands' ( i think she's just stupid). Anywho, I'm just doing the best I can to move on but I just cant understand the reasons of what or why he's doing these things with me.He was the one who proposed to be 'friends', not me. Idk if any of these have meanings, if he still cares about me deeply or what is going through his head.I always have hope that things will work out and I dont want to burn any bridges. I'm not sure what I really want nowadays. In a way, I'd like to see if we can make it work one last time but I'm not holding my breath since I've been hurt enough. Im trying to see if I can get back into school and move out from where I am and just get away in order to heal and focus on me. Right now, Im sorta enjoying being single again and trying to figure out my life since I was waiting on him to finish school but yet I'd like to start dating again but since I've been out of the 'singles' loop of finding guys. Im having a tough time. I think in a way, I wanna be back with him but if it doesnt work, it doesnt work, we will always have a special bond but im trying to not give any more hopes up in getting hurt again. Any thoughts?
@Michelle.....We're sorry this is so confusing. But remember, you were together for 7 years. That's a long time. Which means the break up process will also be lengthy. (Although hopefully not 7 years!) All that your describing seems pretty normal for how people break up. There's sadness. There's guilt. There's remorse. There's longing. People remember the good times only, get back together for a bit, start having sex again, break up a second time, go into a FWB arrangement, break up again. Etc. All the while every possible feeling and emotion is thrown around. "Let's try again." I'll never stop loving you." "I can't stand you." "How could you do this to me?" "I miss you so much." "I want your body." The question Michelle is: What do you want? If you allow it, this endless cycle will keep going and going. So what exactly do you want? Let us know and we'll share some more thoughts. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuz. And share on Facebook. Please help a fellow reader and take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.
My ex bf broke up with me about 6 months ago. We were together for close to 7 years (im 27, he's about to be 26). When he broke up with me he was crying alot mostly cuz i was in shock and crying alot, he hugged me and was telling me 'he's doing this for us' and he wants to still be a big part in my life and still be friends. Later that day, I found out he cheated on me with a mutual 'friend' of ours. Both of us havent known her for that long and compared to me she is a serious downgraded, badly. Then our 'were ok' situation went downhill. I asked him if there was another woman, he put his head down and said yes, even later that day. I found out that he only recently slept with her. I told him I knew he slept with her, and said how ashamed he should be. his head was the lowest ive ever seen it, saying he was ashamed, crying and he never wanted to hurt me and how he 'doesnt want to loose me and how maybe he wants to be with someone that isnt that serious.'Well can you really blaim me when he proposed several times,( without an official ring), I took his v card and got me preggo twice (no kids)). We were also living together for about a year. After our break up, I tried to keep my distance from him but he couldnt keep away and he cheated on her with me for 3 weeks, later he moved out and 1 month later, they both claimed to be now bf/gf and they live together when it took me years for him to move in with me. We would still text/call eachother all the time but as the months went by, he slowly started to hardly respond. I excepted that plus he's graduation soon , that hes mad at me for something and wants space. So now seldomly we'll go out for coffee and have a good time together and when we say bye, he always hugs me very tightly, almost like i cant breath cuz its so tight. Now, he's graduating in a few days and we havent spoken for about 3 weeks or so and he wants to invite me to his graduation. He told me in the past that theres no mixed signals but I think there is. I have moved on from him since then but i still care about him but why? When he texted me that he has my ticket , he said, 'you were expecting me to not invite you'? I told him yes , i was a little shocked that he'd still invite me. Also, many times when we've met, since ive lost well over 40 lbs, his hands will begin to shake fiercely especially around my hips and arms and he'll slowly start to feel my back n whatnot. I can only think of that one scene from clockwork orange with the main characters hands shaking around that woman on the stage, it's like that and he'll be fighting to touch me if im wearing something sexy or even normal clothing. Ive never seen anyone do this before so idk what this could mean. so out of i guess frustration, he'll grab me again and hug me even tighter.He's even admitted he still finds me greatly attractive especially with all my weight loss but any clues on what any of these behaviors mean? He's dated other girls before me but I was his first to sleep with him but for me he's my 2nd bf i ever really dated.
Hi, I have been with my ex for 2 years and it was kind of a long distance relationship. He often tried to make me stay but I was afraid because I had my life somewhere else. There was a job opportunity for me to be in the same city as him but I waited too long so I did not get it. Although I am in the same city as him now, he feels that I sabotaged our relationship, that I was unfair to him and that he does not want to be with me anymore. He said that he has put his life on hold for 2 years and that he doesn't know if it would be a good idea for us to be together; that this would be unfair to him. I can tell that he still really loves me but he seems to have made up his mind and doesn't want to go back with me. I feel like he resents me. I do not know what to do. I might have found a solution to stay where he is so it kills me because I know I will not be able to stay here knowing that we are not together anymore. He said that to him me staying doesn't matter anymore and he doesn't care what I do. I asked him what can I do for him to forgive me and he said nothing, that he doesn't want to and that therefore there is nothing that I can do. Do you think he will come back? What can I do to show him that I am really committed and sorry for what I've done? Should I just givehim space and leave him alone?
@Christina......What was the reason he broke up? It might help us figure things out. Because it doesn't sound like he's ready to try again with you. It sounds like he just wants to be friends. Have you asked him if he'd like to try a relationship again? Fill us in a bit.
hi . ive been dating with my ex boyfriend 2years and a half and its been 4 months he broke up for a stupid reason ...and we start txting with eatchother like simple txtes and hes like your a good friend of mine ... but me im in love with him and i want him to get into me to cuz i cant be friends with my ex boyfriend what can i doo asappp
@Shannah....We're sorry about your break up. That's hard. So let's get this straight. He broke up with you because he's headed to high school and you're still in junior high/middle school? Is that right? If that's the case that's pretty typical. Guys do that. And when they do it's because they're excited for a whole new world and they want to be single so they can check out all the new girls. And if that's true that means he's not completely into you. So we say, trust your gut here. What do you think? It sounds like this guy is all over the place and isn't sure what he wants. Which means you're probably going to just be frustrated dealing with him.
Okay, this time my 14 yr old broke up with me, since he's going to high school, (went out for 7months) he told me he misses me and wanted to go out with me,a week after we broke up... I asked him if he really did, then a week after, he answered "maybe" and so I didn't answer, because talking to him will just make me sad again. A couple days after I didn't and, he unfriended me?? My friends told me that he didn't change his relationship status or anything, then after I didn't text him about that, he texted me again and said "i doubt it, i kinda like someone else" which i know, normally he wouldnt tell me.I'm not sure if he is trying to get my attention?? Or if he's actually telling the truth, should I reply to the text, or just not answer???? HELP:)
@Shannah.....THanks for your question. We're sorry you're having a tough time. Have you read any of our other posts about dating in high school? Go on our Ask the Guys page and search for high school dating. There's a lot of info there. To your question: It's hard to say where your guy's head is at. But young guys are typically all over the place. One minute they want this girl, the next they want that girl. It's normal, but frustrating to the girls that have to experience it first hand, like you. Also, he's thinking about high school and all the possibilities there. He probably is hesitant about being "tied down" when he begins in the fall. But of course this summer is probably quiet, so that's probably why he's contacting you occasionally. Our suggestion: Focus on the guys in your school. What do you think?
I'm thirteen my ex is 14, we never had any problems, then out of the blue he broke up with me, because he's going to high school and we couldn't hang out a much( can't really go anywhere besides school events with him)... I was heart broken... When I finally started to Be happier, we started talking, for one day only.. He told me he misses me and If I wanted to go out with him next year.. And I'm not so sure if we will still be friends. He hasn't texted me since that day, ( 3 says ago) I'm wondering if he even likes me anymore. And I don't wanna text him first all the time 1. I feel annoying 2. I don't wanna come off as too easy to get.. What do I do plz help
@Cahoime......Please do. We very much hope it works out for the two of you. Please keep us posted. And thanks for the donation.
Thanks for the speedy reply. Yeah, I agree with the timeline idea. I'm glad to know you agree with me that this is an all or nothing situation and that being platonic friends makes little sense. I've had a hard time relating to his side of the problem because I feel like an amazing relationship is more important than where the babies come from but then...that's just my "love conquers all" mentality I guess. I definitely don't want resentment creeping in down the road. It's great hearing your take on this; great idea for a website I have to say! He and I started texting about this today so I will keep you posted on the end result.
@Cahoime(Judy).......We agree with you. The idea of going from an intense romantic relationship to a friendship doesn't make a whole lot of sense to us. It certainly doesn't make sense for you because you're not the one breaking up. But let's take a look at why this decision is so difficult for him. Contrary to public opinion, men want kids just as much as women. As much as it's in our blood to want to spread our genes far and wide, it's also in our blood to be providers. So we can totally understand why he wants to have kids so desperately. And the thing is, the ultimate is to have a family with the person you love. For him, it's you. And since that's not possible, he's torn. A surrogate could be a good solution, but it's certainly not optimal.(But worth exploring) And adopting, while very important, is not the same as having your own kids. He's at a loss. And the fact that it wasn't clear how old you were at the beginning of the relationship is adding to his turmoil. We can guarantee he was thinking, "I've finally found the 'perfect' person for me." And in essence he did.....but then, bam! As hard as this is for you, it's not like he's choosing another women over you. He wants to be a father, and a father to his own children. And if this doesn't happen for him, or if he doesn't make the attempt, he will regret it for the rest of his life. And if the two of you are together, you'll feel his pain, and possible resentment forever. So what can you do? Well, he's partly waiting for you to make a decision, because his solution is not helpful. Were not sure WHAT he's thinking with this Facebook friendship nonsense, etc.??? He can't have his cake and eat it too. He needs to make a decision....or you do. But we see this as an all or nothing. (And we don't say that for every relationship.) You might need to give him some sort of timeline for when he's going to make a final decision, and then stick by it. The summer, perhaps? What do you think?
My ex and I met 4 years ago in a club. We had a powerful and instant connection like nothing either of us had ever experienced. He was in his early 30's and I'm substantially older though no one (including my ex) suspected it when we met. But our age difference got in the way of having a real relationship because he wanted kids. In spite of this, our intense connection made it impossible to stay away from each other so for 2.5 years we had a casual dating/BC situation...not exactly what either of us wanted but he couldn't get over the kid thing and neither of us could let go. Off and on we tried going our separate ways, date other people but we would always end up breaking it off with them and getting back together. There was a time we went 8 months not seeing each other and just as I was getting over him, he came back...we both got in deep emotionally and felt love for each other but we were stuck. Then one day about a year and a half ago he told me that he loved me so much and that he wanted to be in a real relationship with me. We would "figure out" the kid thing. I was elated and we spent all of 2011 in a state of bliss. We went everywhere together, we became friends with each others' friends and we got our families together for the holidays; his family/friends love me, my family/friends love him. All was well...or so I thought... Then about 3 months ago he cut way down on his drinking...and that changed everything. He is 35 now and for all of his adult life he had been a heavy social drinker on the weekends and sometimes during the week. At first I was so happy that he cut down...little did I know it was the beginning of the end of our relationship. About a week into his "near sobriety" he told me that we needed to talk about the "elephant in the room." He said not drinking cleared his head and that he was now flooded with thoughts of babies. He said that he had been trying to avoid thinking about it for almost a year and a half because he loves me so much and wanted to make us work. His solution was for us to let go of the relationship but keep hanging out as friends and to stop being intimate. Now, this was beyond weird for me since for the past several years we had had a fireworks, up all night kind of sex life. We tried doing this for a few weeks but going from a passionate, affectionate relationship to a brother/sister relationship just wasn't working for me so we stopped seeing each other (against his wishes). It's been 3 months now and neither of us has seen anyone else or been with anyone else yet. He still hasn't picked up his expensive electronics or his clothes from my house (though every week he tells me he will and then never shows up). When I asked him why he does that he said he didn't know. He texts me about once a week to tell me how much he loves me and that he wants me to know he always will no matter what happens. He says the future for us is unknown but in his heart he knows we are "inseparable." He tells me how much I have changed his life and made him a "better man." I had suggested using a surrogate in order for us to have a baby but 3 months later he still says he doesn't know how he feels about it though he is not entirely opposed. He just keeps leaving things up in the air and wants to remain texting and being facebook friends. I had deleted him as a friend on Foursquare because, frankly, I don't really want to see where he is checking in and having fun without me. Yesterday, he friend requested me back...Why?? Shouldn't we just accept that if he hasn't chosen me over babies by now it isn't going to happen? Why is it so hard for him to make a decision? He accuses me of wanting a relationship or nothing at all as though that's unreasonable of me. Does that seem unreasonable to you? He sees the situation as shades of grey with the outside chance of us getting back together some day. And if we don't come together as a couple he sees us being the best of friends regardless. I see the situation as him not being able to make a decision and stand by it. I do love him but I'm at the end of my rope. He says he is going through a rough time the same as me but Facebook tells a different story of him having fun times without me. Am I being unreasonable to want to cut all ties if he can't commit to me now? Why can't the guy just give me some straight answers that don't involve the responses "I don't know, maybe, or I'm not sure"?? Thanks guys!
@Check......We're not sure why you aren't hearing what he's saying? "I'm not ready for a serious relationship. Long distance is hard. I just don't think we'd work out in the long run." When guys say stuff like that they usually mean it. That doesn't mean there's no hope, but we think you need to let him start taking some initiative here. Let him reach out to you. Ask you to get together. Etc. We also think you need to be careful about falling into a FWB arrangement or Booty Call. We might need a bit more info to what's actually going on between you. Please fill us in if you want us to answer with more detail. Thanks. Also, you might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a Memoir.” Finally, please let your friends know about us. Thanks!
Hi, Guys! My ex and I dated for almost 2 years then ended that when I went crazy from school stress and not getting to sleep. We had a bit of a break over a summer and then got back together unofficially for the last year of college and had to move away to different places afterward. I realized afterward that during that last period of pseudo-dating that I had been holding him at arms length emotionally because I didn't want to get hurt again, so his lack of wanting to really be together again wasn't surprising even though I was crushed. Over the past year of being physically separated I've changed up the way we talk and just the way I relate to men in general and I believe that it's much better! I even visited him for a week about 6 months ago and he acted amazingly. But the downside is that I made him feel good enough to actually be attractive to other women! He gives me the whole "i'm not ready for a serious relationship" which I've never asked for (I've decided that being a girlfriend means nothing in the long run and just removes some of my feminine power of choice) and "long distance is hard" or "I just don't think we'd work out in the long run." While I respect his feelings and opinions, I disagree. I feel like if we even lived in the same state that I wouldn't be getting all of this resistance or be put in the "friend zone." He contacts me nearly every day which he doesn't do with any of his other friends, we have really great times together, he tried to get me a job at his company, and through what I've learned about communication he's been opening up to me. And I've read that men feeling safe enough to share their feelings and true selves is what's missing from most dating.... So what is it? The distance? Him being too far to realize how much I've grown and how attractive that is (cuz it is =P)? Am I just screwed on this front because I can't find a job in that area?
@Ann......Yes, it's too much pressure. You're going to just have to go with this for a bit. If you're not sure where it's going, then don't rush into sleeping with him. Keep things under control until you really get to know each other better. Good luck. And yes, keep us posted as this progresses.
Thanks for the reply! My plan was just to let him initiate contact if that is really what he wants. I guess my follow up question is this: If he does initiate contact and wants to see me, how do I know what his intentions are if they aren't clear? Is it too much pressure to ask him what his real intentions are? If you are saying he may still be interested, do you see it being a possibility of there being a "friend" period?
@Ann......He sounds like he's still interested. Starting a new business is a huge undertaking w/a lot of pressure, especially if he's running out of money. Why don't you just give him some time. Let him initiate all contact—texting, phone, email. And then just see where it goes. You'll have more answers after a month or so. If he doesn't reach out to you, well, then you'll know he just isn't interested anymore. But in the meantime we don't think you should stop your life for him. Keep yourself open to meeting other guys. Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. Check out our "Relationship Memoirs" page for some interesting stories from some great women guest writers. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!
I was dating a guy for just over 2 months; he is 35, I am 29.. When we met, he was unemployed by choice, and had enough in savings to go another 3 months. He also was trying to start up his own business. He ended up getting a job that he was not excited about, because he needed to start working again. Our last date was on a Sunday before his first day at his new job. He was happy and it seemed we both had a really good time. He texted me a sweet "thinking of you" text that following Tuesday. The Friday of his first week back he called me and said he needed to concentrate on work, "but maybe in the future... ". was what he said. A text I had sent him about seeing him that night overwhelmed him he had told me. He didn't get home from work until 8 that night, had an interview that day and one the day before. He had texted me that Wednesday basically signaling he was overwhelmed, but I didn't consider it enough. We talked for about 45 minutes and during the convo, he said maybe in a month things would settle down. By the end of the convo he asked for 2 weeks; I didn't even ask him to see if things would settle down; he offered. When I asked, he said he did not lose interest. He has always been very honest and open. He isn't the type of guy to string someone along like that, or let me ask him any questions, and spend that time, if there was no interest. He admitted that he's hurt girls before by breaking up with them. so I don't think he was just trying to be nice. He said let him bet he one to contact me for the next two weeks. He texted me that Sunday night, saying, Hope you had a good weekend. Hugs and Kisses." Three weeks after that I hadn't heard from him, so I texted asking if we could talk. He called me and said he had thought about it and he needed to be single because of everything else he has going on. I said I understood. He was still meeting with investors for his new business, working full time with a long commute, and continuing to interview for a better job. When I asked if he was actually going to call, he said yes, but not until the end of the week (we talked on a Sunday). It would have been two weeks after he said he'd call. He said it affected his heart, it was a hard decision, and he doesn't like hurting people. I told him I don't chase guys, but I understood his situation and just wanted to see where he stood. He then asked if he could see me when he is in the area (we live about 25 miles apart, but he has friends in my city) as friends. I'm confused by this situation. If he hasn't lost interest could he that easily be my friend, or was he misleading me before? Is he trying to just keep in touch until his life settles down? I know guys are usually straight forward, but he said he had to ask for advice on what to do. I wouldn't bother with this, but I really do feel like he just needs to sort out the rest of his life. I just don't know what he is thinking when I asked to see each other as friends. He said he'd probably see me sooner rather than later, too. Do you have any insight?
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me back in December. He said he didn’t want a relationship anymore and really just wanted to be best friends with me. It came out of the blue to me and I was really shocked and upset when he brought it up. We had a really good relationship where we didn’t fight, always compromised, and enjoyed each others’ company. We still kept in constant contact and hung out after the break up. In January, he said he missed me and we got back together for a week but then broke up because I think I tried too hard to make the relationship go back to the way they were before instead of starting over and taking it slow. We broke up for good but still hung out. It got really hard to be his friend because I couldn’t move on. I suggested that maybe we shouldn’t see each other for awhile so he said we shouldn’t see each other for a month until I moved on because he said he already did. During that month, I saw him twice at parties with our mutual friends. I also stopped contacting him often and he would occasionally contact me first. When the month break was over, he asked to meet with me. I thought things would be good again, but it wasn’t. He uninvited me to a concert and said we shouldn’t be friends yet and we should continue not seeing each other. He was unhappy when I said that I was over the breakup and that I haven’t been thinking about it. He said he didn’t expect me to say that now. He asked me what changed, but really nothing changed. I just accepted the fact that I need to live my life without him and became more independent. I asked why he was being like this and asked if he still had feelings but he said no. He said he was uncomfortable with me. I don’t understand though. He said he would happy again when we could hang out with each other and see each other again. Now he’s unhappy and uncomfortable. Does he have feelings for me, but won’t admit it? I really miss him and I really wish we could get back together. What’s going on in his mind and what can I do to get him to come back to me?
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me back in December. He said he didn't want a relationship anymore and really just wanted to be best friends with me. It came out of the blue to me and I was really shocked and upset when he brought it up. We had a really good relationship where we didn't fight, always compromised, and enjoyed each others' company. We still kept in constant contact and hung out after the break up. In January, he said he missed me and we got back together for a week but then broke up because I think I tried too hard to make the relationship go back to the way they were before instead of starting over. We broke up for good but still hung out. It got really hard to be his friend because I couldn't move on. I suggested that maybe we shouldn't see each other for awhile so he said we shouldn't see each other for a month until I moved on because he already did. During that month, I saw him twice at parties with our mutual friends. I also stopped contacting him often and he would occasionally contact me first. When the month break was over, he asked to meet with me. I thought things would be good again, but it wasn't. He uninvited me to a concert and said we shouldn't be friends yet and should continue not seeing each other. He was unhappy when I said that I was over the breakup and that I haven't been thinking about it. He said he didn't expect me to say that now. He asked me what changed, but really nothing changed. I just accepted the fact that I need to live my life without him and became more independent. I asked why he was being like this and asked if he still had feelings but he said no. He said he was uncomfortable with me. I don't understand though. He said he would happy again when we could hang out with each other and see each other again. Now he's unhappy and uncomfortable. Does he have feelings for me, but won't admit it? I really miss him and I really wish we could get back together. What's going on in his mind and what can I do to get him to come back to me?
[...] Is my ex-boyfriend still into me? [...]
Well put guys. Couldnt agree more!