Long distance guy: Is he worth it?

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Thanks so much.

Also, check out our latest podcast Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves.  The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.

Here are the six relationship questions we answered on on our latest podcast:

Sarah is beginning to have a change of heart. Now that her man wants to introduce her to his family, she’s unsure how she feels about it.

Dan wonders whether or not he’s being played by the single mom he has recently started dating.

Miss Lady’s boyfriend turned down a trip to Vegas with her, but after his guy friends ask him he’s all in. Now what?

Jenny’s man cheated on her with seven to ten different women, but she still loves him. Why would he do that?

Emily has an admirer, at least that’s what her loving friends tell her. Are they right she wonders?

Riya is confused about a guy from work. They date; he decides it’s not going to work; but then he keeps texting even after she’s moved on. She is curious why he still is trying to be “friends.”

Subscribe and listen on itunes. Give us a five star rating on itunes and be eligible to win two thumb drives with all of our podcast episodes already loaded on.

TGP Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves

Last week’s questions:

Jealousy: Friends with the opposite sex

Break up confusion; will he come back?

Cultural Differences Part 2: Am I being used?

Is he my boyfriend or am I just booty call?

We smile; does he like me?

Hurt and Confused in a long distance relationship

Dear Guys,

I was in a relationship with a guy who fell for me really hard.  He said I was “The One”.  We spent a lot of time together and he was very romantic, in love, etc.  Anyway, we were an hour away from each other and things were moving very quickly.  I asked him if he was ever interested in closing our distance gap and he immediately started to act differently. He told me he will never move from the town he lives in and has decided he cannot give me what I want and has ended the relationship.  This is hard for me to understand since he was displaying so many feelings-love, future plans, etc? He told me he was walking away from a “once in a lifetime”.   He still contacts me occasionally.  We broke up over a month ago?  Do I stop all communication with him or do you think it is worth waiting it out?  Or do you think he is just plain selfish?

Val

Dear Val,

Thanks for writing to us.

We’re sorry about your situation. Getting mixed signals is always hurtful and confusing. Some guys have a hard time being straightforward with the woman they’re involved in. Your man is no exception.

Clearly he got scared when you pushed it a bit. Don’t get us wrong. You did the right thing. It’s never a good idea to pretend that things are how you want them to be, when they aren’t. You wanted to take the relationship to the next level and you put that out there. We commend you for that, and wish more people would ask for what they want.

If he truly thought you were a “once in a lifetime” opportunity we doubt he would have walked away so easily. Saying it is one thing but acting on it is quite another. His actions tell the tale, not his words. Yes, he’s being selfish, but he is doing what he feels is right for him. Unfortunately he wasn’t completely honest with you. Saying you’re “the one” one day, but then breaking up with you soon after should give you some insight to where his head is at.

So what we would say is, it’s probably time to move on. However, it has only been a month and if for some reason he does a complete 180 and decides to move to where you are, or something like that, we think it would be okay to at least give some consideration to getting back together. But only if he shows remorse, makes concessions, and completely changes. But we honestly don’t think that’s going to happen.

So should you break off communication? You should do what’s best for you. If it’s too painful to talk to him, and if it gives you false hope, then yes you should stop all communication with him and give yourself time to heal. If nothing changes in the next month or so, then it’s time for you to put this relationship in the past and get on with your life.

Any relationship you choose to be in should be a two way street. You should be getting as much as you’re giving. And the man you’re with should be willing to compromise, otherwise your relationship will be doomed from the start. Hopefully your next guy will be ready to meet you in the middle and take things to the next level.

Take care of yourself and good luck.

THE GUYS

ps. Make sure and read last week’s question, Hurt and Confused in a long distance relationship. Plus we’ve answered a bunch more questions about long distance relationships. And we have a few more waiting to be answered. So check back with us, and be sure to check back to read the comments. Our readers are very insightful.

26 Comments on Long distance guy: Is he worth it?

  1. I have a quick question. What do you think a guys intentions are in this scenario. I’m a female college athlete. A few months ago I met this olympic male, talked a bit, nothing else. He added me on facebook. Now it’s 3 months later, i’m out of a relationship and he begins liking many photos and asks for my number and wants to “do something” when he comes back and trains after the olympic trials the 25 of June. What do you think his intentions are? He just recently ended a relationship too. He’s texted me. I’m not easy,do you think he see’s any potential or is he’s a player just looking for a quick fix?

  2. @Laura…….Well, it’s hard to say honestly without knowing specifics, or without knowing the guy personally. Look, if a guy is trying to connect with you that means he’s attracted to you, which also means he wants to have sex with you. That’s normal for any guy, player or not. The question is, does he want something more? We’d take this slow. And if he does come visit, we wouldn’t jump in bed with him right away. We’re not sure what he means by “do something?” Does that mean go on a date? Give us a little more info, and keep us posted. Feel free to ask us a follow up question.

  3. Basically, we havent met eachother. He lives in AMmerica and he’s 20 years old- he looks 16 though? 😛 Im 15 and live in the UK. We make good effort to talk to eachother in our spare time and he keeps creeping up on the conversation of he likes me but Im scared to let myself like him because I dont know if it will work? But how can he like me? Ive kept my personality back from him! I want him to get to know me better…shall we start over and work from there? Last we talked i said I want to like you and be with you but i know it can never be because you dont feel the same way and you dont see it working. Then he put “then just like me it wont hurt cause i like you too” I dont understand? :/ and yet he admitted he liked another girl too but told me he’s not completely attached to her…ANY help would be so much appreciated! Thank you alot! xx

  4. @Hafsah……The first thing that comes to mind is he’s too old for you. You’re only 15 and shouldn’t be dating a guy who’s 20. Five years may not be a big difference at ages 30 and 35 but honestly, it is now. Check out our video about dating an older guy. Go to our Video Page. After you watch that, let us know if we can answer any more questions.

  5. I tried to get some insight from other posts. I sent a donation.

    Background: flew across the country for an event met a great guy, totally hit it off, he hunted down my number from a mutual friend. he said he wanted to see each other again, he lived in 2 different cities. i called his bluff and flew to see him immediately, hada great time start to end. flew out there again the next week, great time from the start to the end. met family, and hung out. flew out again for a short 3 day holiday. three weeks wnet by and he flew to meet me. another great 4 days. commitments piled up and one month went by, and we planned to have a weekend together.

    we talk everyday via phone or text. he always responded, promptly always, it was 24/7. i started feeling wierd adn called him out saying waht is this??? i said im loyal to you. total backfrie right before the visit. we decide to call it quite before i get there.
    get total cold shoulder. he said we couldnt hang because it was too soon. then calls we and picks me up right after his sport commitment, and i stay the night at his house totally plutonic. hang out the next day, and later at night (he said no kissin). i felt wierd so i asked him to call me a cab (felt wierd because i still like him and we get along), he said your not cabbing im driving you (it was far and rather late). he asked me how i felt, etc and said that today was good just hanging out because we would be friends. and we agreed to keep it toned down, i said i know i live away, but im still gonna kiss you, and we had a great kiss. he was anointment that there was no going back because we already decided that the long distance wouldn’t work and wasn’t economically. he said i always had good intentions with you, so he made me really confused. i dont agree with either, and would feel better if he just said he didnt like me.

    we talked for 2 more days, and i just decided this is too hard i need space, and deleted him on bbm. i regretted it and he didn’t want me to to that. i texted him that i wanted to re-add him. a day later he responds “in care you didnt notice youu cant add me after deleating me :( meanie”.

    i havent responded. i dont want to open the gate unless it moves forward with a commitment to each other, not serious but that we will agree bf/gf even loosely.

    should i just wait…….and not respond…….i figure if he is serious he’ll eventually just call me (we were good with calling and texting before). there is no point texting and calling everyday again if it means nothing its a waste of energy, and im young in fabulous, but i feel hard for him, and he is a good guy but i think intimidated by my success in life.

    advice?

    why

  6. @Britt…..We’re sorry. We know this is hard AND confusing. Hopefully we can give you some perspective on the situation. Woman often ask us when they meet someone new, if they should call the guy or wait until he calls. We usually say, “Let the guy initiate.” This is not about game playing. We say that because when you let the guy make the first move and initiate contact then you’ll have a better sense of how strongly he feels. If a woman makes the first move, then it won’t be as clear. Why? Because a guy won’t turn down fun and sex even if he is unsure how he feels. (A woman probably would though.) So that’s why we strongly urge women in general to be patient and let it unfold at the guy’s pace. If the guy drags his feet, well, then that’s an answer right there: That he’s not that into it. This is what we see in your case. You took the initiative, flew out to see him three times, and thought everything was perfect. Probably some of it was, but he wasn’t sure inside. We don’t know why. (We don’t like to guess.) But clearly he was not sure. (And we know this is what drives women crazy.) Because he sure acted like it didn’t he? And he didn’t have trouble being intimate with you did he? (We’re just guessing) And we can understand your confusion. Completely. And we’re sorry. It probably feels like a complete 180. And in some ways it is. So here’s what we think: You should let him initiate any contact. To us it seems very clear that he’s not interested in pursuing this relationship. But if we’re wrong, he’s going to want to come back on his own terms. We’d give this a few weeks, and if he hasn’t contacted you by then, it might be time to move on. Or, you could just move on, and try to learn from this whole situation. We’re sure there are lots of guys who are chomping at the bit to get a chance to be with you. You just have to make yourself open to new possibilities. We hope this helps. Do you have any follow up questions for us? Feel free to ask away. And keep us posted as this progresses. ps. Thanks again for your donation. Please share our site with friends. Facebook, Twitter. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  7. So my boyfriend of a year and I decided to take a break while he goes abroad in Spain. The reasoning behind this is because he is very much a homebody and we felt that having relationship ties back home wouldn’t be the best for him. However, we’ve both agreed that since broken up, we’re allowed to do as we will with other people. I, though, don’t feel like hooking up with other people, and he says he doesn’t either, but I’m not sure if I fully believe it.. Though we’re “broken up”, we’ve still managed to keep pretty constant contact over the past almost month and a half. We converse like we’re still a couple, and I feel like I’ve gotten used to just being in an unestablished long-distance relationship. Right before he left, he had a break down and told me he loved me, which was a huge deal due to his terrible past relationship, so I know we genuinely care about each other, and we’ve both agreed we want to be together when he’s back. BUT over the past few days, communication has been running dry on his part. In fact we haven’t spoken in about a week. I’m very worried about going from full communication to nothing. I still love him and want, like him, to ultimately be together in the end, so I guess I’m freaking out about this a little. What’s going through my mind is has he met somebody? Did he hook up with someone and feels guilty? Has he realized I’m holding him back and cut me off cold turkey? I really don’t know. I’m hoping I’m just being a girl and overreacting, but I’m wanting a guys perspective. Do you think I have anything to worry about?

    PS- He’s only gone for 2 and a half more months so is it even worth worrying about? or should I just let it go and hope that he calls when he’s back..

  8. @Laura….We understand how you’re feeling. Truly. It’s a lot more difficult for the person who’s home than the person who’s out exploring the world. But it’s way too soon to really know what’s going on. And anyway, you broke up temporarily for a reason. Right? So you both could be free to explore. We know you have no intention of doing that—maybe he doesn’t either—but the nature of his life right now is exploration. We’re not saying he met some other woman, but it’s likely he’s busy with something new and interesting. So yes, we understand why you’re freaking out, but it’s too soon to worry. We can’t guarantee that he hasn’t met someone, but it could be anything. Give him another day and then reach back out to him. But let’s ponder worse case scenario right now. What if he met some Spanish girl and they had a fling, but then he came home to you and wanted to resume your relationship? Besides being hard, would you take him back? Because it just seems like that sort of thing happens, and maybe it’s a way to get it out of his system. We’re just talking out loud right now. What do you think? We’re curious.

  9. he texted and told me to chill because some times i just want to get mad.
    i want to delete him and if he comes back fine, but the little innocent texts he sends………do i just ignore them

  10. @Britt……Well, what do you want to do? Do you want to ignore them? And has he mentioned anything about seeing you again? These texts seem like a way to keep you in a holding pattern. So we’re sticking with our initial advice. This situation seems like it’s going to take an emotional toll on you, and not give you want you want in the end. That said, you have to do what you have to do. Meaning, you don’t want to have any regrets. If you need to keep pursuing this, then you should. But we’re not seeing it. Thoughts?

  11. Hey, so I have a friend that lives abroad – he’s in US and I’m in the UK – we’re both the same age (16) and share a lot of interests and get on really well with him. He’s also recently told me that he likes me, to which I told him I felt the same feelings. But now im beginning to wonder if anything would ever work between us because we live so far apart and wouldn’t be able to see each other that often – due to school, money, family etc. I would want it to work, and he says likewise, though would it be worth trying?

  12. @Johanna…….We understand but need more info. How did you meet? Have you spent time together face-to-face? How long have you known him?

  13. I’ve known him for three nearly four months, we met in a coffee shop in the UK while he was on holiday here, visiting a friend, we spent the next two days together after meeting each other. I talk to him at least once a week on any type of Internet call – and just talk, about everything and everything… We text daily, day and night :/

  14. Hey,
    I have a question that i really wanted to ask someone. It is about this guy i met on the internet 1 year ago. We talk every single night and also during the day. He calls me on his lunch break. He is 7 years older then me. He says he likes me and soon is going to visit me from newyork and btw i live in canada. But i am really not sure if he really likes me or just playing with my emotions. He always wants to see me naked and stuff i really dont get this part after all the nice stuff he says. Whenever i call him he calls back whether if its something stupid and also tells me he misses me and stuff. I think he talks to other girls too on the internet. Is he only talking to me as a bootyy call? Is he really intrested or just passing time i am very confuse ??????

  15. @Mena…….What’s your gut telling you? Our opinion: This guy could be anyone. You’ve never met him right? Who knows who he is, or what he really looks like, or anything. You only know what he’s telling you. The fact that you haven’t met and it’s been a year tells us he’s probably not serious, and that what he really wants is to see you naked and get off on that. It sounds like he’s conveniently hiding behind his computer.

  16. Wow- Great site! I plan to share this with friends for sure!
    Ok… My situation- It’s another long distance thing, which I would normally not consider,but it kinda just happened. Around the holidays I met a man at a friends party. We chatted and hit it off great. I fact after the party, we went out for drinks and continued to talk well into the night….hours! When parting we kissed good night- nothing more. We are the same age (Nearly 40) and I believe there was mutual attraction. We talked about a date the following day….but here is the catch- He was visiting from another state and lives about 5 hours away. He was here with hunting buddies and they decided to leave a day early, so we never did see each other. He called and texted me every day for over a month. Then he invited me to a sporting event that he and a friend were going to (this was a 6 hr drive for me, 7 for them). I agreed to go because it sounded fun and I wanted to see him. I planned to stay with him in the hotel, but a good friend lived in that city, so that was my backup plan in case I decided not to stay with him. Well the trip got cancelled by the friend and we never did meet up. I have offered for him to visit me a few times and he claims he really wants to and mentions it on and off, but says money is tight, or work sched, etc. It has now been nearly 3 months of texts and calls nearly everyday- I try to let him initiate most of the conversation, and he usually does. We laugh, talk for hours and have the same crazy humor- lots of inside jokes and phrases, which I love. We do talk flirtatiously sometimes and most of it is in good humor. He has asked me for ‘dirty” pics- but I refuse because I am in a public career. I did however send him a rather modest lingerie shot of my torso only. The concern- I recently went on a cruise and we didn’t talk for a week (no cell service). When I returned we picked right up, but after a few days I decided to test this a little- I asked him if he was seeing anyone. He told me he had drink with a woman (and
    got a bj)- not dating that was it. He didn’t ask, but I offered that I also had drinks with a man on the cruise (no BJ- LOL). He then asked me if we were going to stop talking because he had shared this? I said no and asked why he thought that- he said most women would be upset with that. I told him since we are not a couple, that I expected him to do as he chose, I really wasn’t upset- I was surprised he was honest. I asked if he wanted to be in a relationship, he said not really at this time. I told him that it was something that I was looking for and that I would continue to look for it. He said he understood. He asked again if this was our last convo, I said only if that’s what he wanted. He said No not at all, and that he really enjoys talking to me, and wanted to plan a visit soon. This was 5 days ago and we have talked every night and text thru out the day. I feel we have become really strong friends with a fun, flirty attraction. He has some great qualities- but he is a little immature as he has never been married or had kids. Really doing the bachelor thing- he has even mentioned that he doesn’t think he’ll ever get married. I am a professional, single mom raising 2 teenagers. Ironically he has had more “long-term” relationships than I have- even living with some a couple of these GF’s, so he obviously can commit on some level. My Question…. Is there potential for a Long distance relationship here, beyond the friendship? do I put a time limit on this? on when he plans to visit? I don’t really want to keep pushing the issue- but I would really like to see him again, I think a lot could be determined by how we get along in person.It hurts my feelings a little that he hasn’t really made a plan for us to meet. I’m willing to be “just” friends but can Guy/girl platonic friendships last if there is attraction & flirting? I don’t want a F-buddy thing with him whenever he comes back to hunt and I’ve hinted to that. I still go out and meet people and date if the opportunity arises, but I’m not really sure what to do with this guy. We have a strong connection on the phone and our personalities are very similar.We also have a few mutual friends, and everyone seems to think he is the greatest, but they are concerned that he hasn’t planned a visit. Just don’t want to be a fool here. . . he did say he doesn’t want a relationship, but I have no idea what he is gaining from this. . .do I wait it out? give a visit deadline? or just stay friends? what do I think?

    Thanks guys!

  17. @Tracey…..The two of you are in very different places in your lives. That’s the nice way of saying that this is going nowhere. If he was really interested he would have already visited you by now. He’s making no effort to do that. He might enjoy chatting with you on the phone, flirting even, but that’s a far cry from seeing you. Our suggestion: Spend your time being open to other men. This is just an emotional drain. Sorry. ps. Please be careful what pictures you send via phone, internet.

  18. Hey guys,

    Well this is a bit complicated and loaded but here it goes…S and I have been (were) together for 2 years, he has two daughters and it was long distance but I had basically made the move. In June of last year I was diagnosed with cancer so I was back and forth to home for treatment. Last week I found out it spread, obviously VERY upset I called him and needed to talk, he said he was busy which I understood and he’d call me in a couple of hours, he didnt, so I called him…he had went for lunch with friends, I flipped and maybe even over reacted but to that he shut his phone off for the rest of the day. I left him numerous messages sobbing that I needed him and nothing.
    So i started talking to one of my guy friends via text, at the end of it I said I love you, I miss you (because we haven’t seen each other in years) and can’t wait to see you…

    S came here for Easter and went through my phone and found it and while I was out with our nephews he sent me a text saying I’ve got the car, I’m leaving, shutting my phone off, im sick of trying my hardest and getting fucked over….ummm wtf?!? That was last week, I haven’t talked to him or heard from him, he wont respond to any message or ohone call. after 2 years and planning a wedding it seems strange that a STUPID text message would do this. No.? I don’t know if I should beg for him back or move on but I’ve lost his daughters (12 and 15) who relied on me for everything and a whole life I had out there…

    What do I do!?!? I have seen a therapist and accepted that maybe the text was inappropriate but to get to this?!?

    Please help me! I’m feeling pretty worthless and don’t know why I’m not worth the fight because I am a catch!

    Thanks so much guys

    Lori

  19. @Lori…..We’re very sorry. About your relationship and about your medical diagnosis. However, it seems to us that maybe the two are related. That maybe the fact that your cancer has spread has caused him to pull back in fear of getting hurt by losing you, or possibly, for fear of getting involved with something that is too difficult to face no matter how it turns out. You do realize that some people can’t handle this sort of thing? Relationships for these people are great until they get complicated and start requiring lots of effort. Is it possible that the long distance made it easy for him to balance it all, but once things ramped up he decided he didn’t want to deal? And instead of being honest with you he’s pointing to your inappropriate text as the cause for his change of heart? And we can understand why you reached out to your friend since your boyfriend wasn’t there to support you. (Although, yes, you’ve made things more complicated by saying “I love you” at the end of your text.) But we don’t think you did anything inherently wrong. Unfortunately we don’t think your guy is willing or able to support you as you go through what you’re going through. Yes, you can apologize to him for the text that you sent to your friend, but he still has to answer the questions you pose: “Do you want this relationship?” and “Are you going to be someone I can rely on during this difficult time?” If the answer to either of these questions is no, then we’d suggest moving and surrounding yourself with people who love and support you. You need positive energy right now, not an enervating relationship. And you’re definitely NOT worthless so don’t even go there. This is more about the situation, not you. Take care of yourself. And treat this as a conversation. If you have more questions ask away. And thanks again for your donation.

  20. I met a guy on line he is from 800 miles away he text me gonna be in town for 7 days so we hooked up. Great chemistry, got along great then about the 5th day he said “there is a rash on my privates” Let me tell more I had my monthly & yes we were intimate – I got bleeding problems & go to my DR alot. Anyway I looked at his “junk” as he called it and bein a forner med student looked like poison ivy (long strory) anyway I freaked got tested – negative! He splits for home – no call NADA then 5 weeks later outta the blue communication – he text me “sorry for freaking out” etc hes sorry etc. Then says gonna be in town 7/2 after I reply he moves up the date the next day “cant wait to see you” etc…I’m not stupid but he was fun so happy hes comin. What I want to ask is he gonna pull the same crap? Things are diff. this time, he called said “why didnt u answer? Then called again “I had a blast w/you” Anyway thats got me confused. I am ready for the ax to fall but the game had changed

  21. New grounds:
    I have been with my boyfriend for ten months now, we meet through mutual friends and were friends for a year before we started dating. He was very forward and put alot of effort in the beginning of our relationship.I was apprehensive as to being in a relationship with him, knowing he leaves to work at the beach every summer and that he is a wild man( he is 31) For the first 9 months we practically spent everyday together, we had our ups and downs and adjustments in our relationship. But no matter what we were happy with each other and would both seek the other out. Although I was definitely sought him out more as time went on. Now it has been a bit over a month of him living at the beach but it has been terrible. I would text him through out the day and get an answer here and there or not at all.I would call him once or twice after work and in the evening depending how busy I was. If I dont text him or call him as a way of putting my foot down he might call me the next day. In the beginning he came up for 3 weeks because he had a class 2 days of the week to finish, and he would stay with me. But since that class has finished he has not mentioned or come up to see me. But I have gone down to see him every weekend except for one. When I go down he dosent make an effort to wake up early to spend time with me before work like he says he will the night before. We dont really go out on dates, sometimes we will walk to the beach or go for a bike ride. Most of the time it is sitting and watching tv after he is off work, and sometimes we go out to the bar. He hasent wanted to take me out with his friends, he says he wants us time.The other weekend I was there he asked if i wanted to go out for breakfast, I was so excited! Well he took me to Seven- Eleven. Than last night when I finally decided to call him, he didnt answer but called me back. He told me all about his day since it was his day off, and it included going out to lunch with a girlfriend and buying food for his mom and taking it to her and than he went surfing and was getting ready to go out to the bars with friends. I couldnt stand to talk to him after that because he dosent put effort or time into taking me out and spliting dinner, or even taking me to a place for a decent breakfast. But he can go out with friends and co-workers and has the money for it? I have talked to him about my problems with this LDR and how the communication needs to be worked on. But he still only contacts me when he feels like it. I feel a lack of consideration and compromise. But he tells me often how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me in his life. I dont get this and i feel really unappreciated. What do you guys suggest? I dont know how to get it through to him how much his lack of care in this relationship hurts me. I try not to have expectations, but he really dosent seem to care about my needs enough to compromise or change.

  22. New grounds:
    I have been with my boyfriend for ten months now, we meet through mutual friends and were friends for a year before we started dating. He was very forward and put alot of effort in the beginning of our relationship.I was apprehensive as to being in a relationship with him, knowing he leaves to work at the beach every summer and that he is a wild man( he is 31) For the first 9 months we practically spent everyday together, we had our ups and downs and adjustments in our relationship. But no matter what we were happy with each other and would both seek the other out. Although I was definitely sought him out more as time went on. Now it has been a bit over a month of him living at the beach but it has been terrible. I would text him through out the day and get an answer here and there or not at all.I would call him once or twice after work and in the evening depending how busy I was. If I dont text him or call him as a way of putting my foot down he might call me the next day. In the beginning he came up for 3 weeks because he had a class 2 days of the week to finish, and he would stay with me. But since that class has finished he has not mentioned or come up to see me. But I have gone down to see him every weekend except for one. When I go down he dosent make an effort to wake up early to spend time with me before work like he says he will the night before. We dont really go out on dates, sometimes we will walk to the beach or go for a bike ride. Most of the time it is sitting and watching tv after he is off work, and sometimes we go out to the bar. He hasent wanted to take me out with his friends, he says he wants us time.The other weekend I was there he asked if i wanted to go out for breakfast, I was so excited! Well he took me to Seven- Eleven. Than last night when I finally decided to call him, he didnt answer but called me back. He told me all about his day since it was his day off, and it included going out to lunch with a girlfriend and buying food for his mom and taking it to her and than he went surfing and was getting ready to go out to the bars with friends. I couldnt stand to talk to him after that because he dosent put effort or time into taking me out and spliting dinner, or even taking me to a place for a decent breakfast. But he can go out with friends and co-workers and has the money for it? I have talked to him about my problems with this LDR and how the communication needs to be worked on. But he still only contacts me when he feels like it. I feel a lack of consideration and compromise. But he tells me often how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me in his life. I dont get this and i feel really unappreciated. What do you guys suggest? I dont know how to get it through to him how much his lack of care in this relationship hurts me. I try not to have expectations, but he really dosent seem to care about my needs enough to compromise or change.Oh and I have brought up taking a break while he is gone for the summer but he dosent want to. He says he is happy and dosent want to end things. I just dont get it.

    Thanks Guys

  23. Rayni Taylor // August 2, 2013 at 6:44 am //

    Well, as a guy, and one who has seen ladies go through this, I’d have to say that sometimes dudes just need time to mature. In order to truly love another person and do what’s best for them, you must know what you want for yourself. In the barest since true love begins with a perfect match in core values and beliefs, which you never falter from. Unfortunately, I believe, that most guys don’t give enough time to figure this out, being too busy with getting things alright for the future. However, just about all of us males are quick to fall in love but slow to decide what we want, then when things are settled we try to get that ‘in love’ feeling again. So, in short, we truly are a bag of hormones that take longer to become mentally stable. There are exceptions, though, so never loose hope.

  24. @Rayni……Thanks for your input. Good for women to hear this.

  25. Okay so in a couple a days I will have known my current boyfriend for a year! We met online on an app and he messaged me yada then went from there. He lives 50 minutes away. We spent the majority of september of last year getting to know eachother and he seemed so so into me. He’d want to talk everyday all day. He’d ask to skype or call etc and he use to have insomnia so we’d stay up til like 5am. He is 2 years older and in college. At the time I was a senior in highschool anyways. We went on our furst date Sept 29 and he asked me tobe his gf. He was my first bf well is my first bf and he is so different to many you g people around today. He respects me and is very honest which i found hard to believe but he hates lying and liars. Anyways so we dated for ablut a month when i realized he was drifting away. He was also the first one to say I love you which shocked me. Well yeah I felt him distant and in a long distance relationship its hard to imagine anyone can feel more distant. Itold him I didnt think it was something I could handle and he didnt even fight for me. I asked for him back because I wanted to be with him i just felt i needed some sort of a reaction from him. We couldnt make it work. We spent 6 months talking about getting back together or trying to be friends but after 2 visits and two hookups it was just too bad to continue any communication. I felt so heartbroken. I decided I would just text him for his birthday in late april of this year and he said thanks and i didnt even reply because it was a disappointing response. He texted me however! Asking to hang out to make up for his actions the last time we saw eachother. I wanted to act casual and said sure maybe. I realized I wanted a friendship so i pretended not to like him anymore etc and it seemed like he still had feelings so i went for it and he did! Hed talk to me often and seemed to really want to get back together he even came to see me. We got back and things werw good for a month ha then he started acting weird again. I love this guy so i tried telling him the issues but he took it as me attacking him. Id still say i love you even when he wouldnt say it back. I told him it was okay if he didnt feel it or want to express it but that i wouldnt hold back because of it. I have a strong attitude. Well nlw its august and we broke up for a week and i was done i told him i was done and he told me he still cared. He came to see me and I stupidly believed him and took him back. Now two weeks later weve had close to no communication and he says hes busy and i believe he is but how can there be a relationship if hes not even trying to reply at all?? He must have 5 minutes free. Even on weekends he acts sketchy and doesnt text me. I dont know if he did it just to hook up with me that last time. (No not sex i am a virgin). I told him thats how i felt and he just said “wow” it confuses me because i KNOW FOR A FACT that hes not that type of guy so i just dont know. Im so in love with him so im torn. I feel like i know him so well now and he is very honest with me we share everything. Our pasts etc wed talk about the future. When we first started dating te love he had for me was so beautiful. He’d talk about us having kids and he even gave me a pebble making me his penguin because he said he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and those feelings never died down for me and everytime we break up he seems to prolong it or he dodges it so I dont know whats going on. Should i wait to see if he becomes less busy? I just really need insight into this because im so close to walking away and hes so stubborn and prideful i know he wont chase me. Not openly at least. He also seems to have this wall up and he did say its because we’d constantly argue. I also know the first break up hurt him pretty bad so idk if maybe hes scared to really commit because he feels like itll happen again. I know i wrote a lot but please and thank you!! I’m so grateful!

  26. Sorry for all the typos! Its hard to write on this darn ipod!

7 Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Confused by my marine | The Guy's Perspective
  2. Mixed Signals; is he just playing me? | The Guy's Perspective
  3. How to start a long distance relationship? | The Guy's Perspective
  4. Long distance relationship; I want him back even though he cheated | The Guy's Perspective
  5. Long Distance: I hardly know him, but I’m willing to give it a go | The Guy's Perspective
  6. Do guys have a harder time with long distance relationships? | The Guy's Perspective
  7. How do I take long distance relationship steps? | The Guy's Perspective

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*