Check out the video: Getting Played-Trust your Gut

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Cultural Differences Part 2: Am I being used?

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Hi Guys,
I met this guy at the gym. I made the first move by introducing myself to him because we were having lots of eye contact. He was pretty respectful and nice. He added me on Facebook and was always talking to me and texting me. We went to the movies during the week.

The next night, he wanted to go to the pool and it was really fun. We went in the sauna with closed lights and we kissed and stayed there for three hours. After that I don’t know what happened. We started talking less and then I wasn’t sure if he was interested because we didn’t talk about it. We didn’t talk for around two weeks, and he only texted me occasionally.

Then, one of his friends started flirting with me and this guy got jealous and said his friend was a player. Then, one night, I just thought to myself that I should be straightforward with him just to be clear. So I called him to meet up. But he couldn’t. I told him I wanted to meet face to face. But he wanted to know then so I told him everything-how it was weird between us now, and kind of awkward. He said it was, but it’s because we didn’t know each other for very long. He didn’t say much more and I said we should talk more when I see him.

I felt so much better after this! At least, he knew what I thought and that I don’t play games. I then saw him again at the gym and we didn’t talk because I didn’t make the move to talk to him even though we looked at each other a bunch.

Did I make it clear that I was interested? And is he giving mixed signals? And should I just move on? Should I talk to him more at the gym? He is not making the move.

Thank youuu!!

Rose

Dear Rose,

Thanks for your question.

We’re not sure what’s up with all this partial hooking up leading to confusion, but it seems we’ve gotten a lot of questions like this recently.

We don’t think you got played, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. He might, but he might not. You can only be played if there’s deception going on. And it doesn’t sound like there is because the two of you never discussed anything. So yes to mixed signals, but no to getting played.

But Rose, he should be the one pursuing you, especially now that the two of you have had a “moment.” If he’s not pursuing you then he’s probably not interested in you, or he’s not interested in a relationship; and for all intents and purposes the two are the same.

However, if you don’t want to feel any regret, put yourself out there and tell him how you feel, and what you want. But don’t do this at the gym. You need to meet with him some place where the two of you can be alone, or at least talk in private. If it’s really difficult to get him to do this, then that will tell you all you need to know.

And remember, if you’re wondering, should I or could I have done more before I moved on, then you probably could have. Talk to him and keep us posted.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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