My guy friend; is he playing me?

Hey Guys,

So I’ve been friends with this guy – Steven – for two and a half years. I’m 22 and he’s 23, and we met while at college, studying the same course. I feel like there’s so much to tell you about him, but I’ll try and condense it.

We’ve always had a very strange friendship; I don’t think he’s been friends with many females before me, and I had a lot of trouble getting him to open up. But basically, after about a year, I started to like him, and unfortunately (due to me foolishly confiding in friends) he ended up finding out. I admitted it to him, and in a bit of an awkward conversation, he told me he didn’t feel that way about me, spurted out all this talk about how I was “perfect marriage material” and that he didn’t want me to have to deal with his past. I’m not stupid, I realize it’s all talk so he doesn’t hurt me by bluntly saying, “No I’m not interested.” So I said that was fine, that we can still stay friends, and it was done.

I guess my main question here is that I’m feeling like I’m being played/manipulated by him. Although I’ve moved on to an extent (I think my feelings may always be there a little, but I’ve realized he’s not the right guy for me and I wouldn’t date him now.) I feel like he still clings to the confidence that he gains from knowing that I once liked him. He often tells me about girls in his life, and he’ll be quick to offer me to ‘hook up’ with one of his friends, which I always decline because I hate blind dates.

One time, a mutual friend of ours wanted to ask me out, and he confided in Steven, who told him NOT to ask me out. Why? I only found this out because of a friend who was eavesdropping; I’ve never asked Steven about it. Yet he maintains, according to other friends, that I’m just a friend to him and that’s it.

Also when we’re out in town dancing, the next day he’ll tell me about ‘all these guys that were eying you off,’ yet at the time this was happening, he doesn’t tell me. If it’s other friends, they’ll tell me right then and there. He doesn’t. Why tell me the next day? What’s he getting at?

Recently, I’ve tried setting him up with a girl, but he’s really hesistant. He is keeping in touch with her (just platonically) for the moment, and I often help him with advice. The funny thing is, recently I asked him for advice about this other guy that’s been on my mind, and he completely avoided the conversation the whole night. He knew I wanted to talk to him about it, but he he didn’t give me an open slot to bring it up.

I’m always happy to talk to him about girls, so what’s his problem?

Also, after years of being friends, Steven has never introduced me to his family. If he invites me over, it’s when no one is home. He always says he will, but then doesn’t. He opens up with me about things he hasn’t even told his mum. He’s quick to tell me HOW much I mean to him, but rarely shows it. When we’ve had arguments; he’s told me that he’d never let the friendship go, that he’d come banging on my door if I ever tried to end the friendship. That he’d always fight for me.

Another weird thing – he takes, generally, about 24 hrs to reply to a msg I send him. Not even kidding. What’s he doing for 24 hrs that it takes him that long to reply? Is this some sort of game he’s playing? Then if i take an hour to reply back, he won’t answer me till the next afternoon?

I just feel like he can be so genuine and sincere, and I find myself being drawn to him, before he’ll ruin it all by acting withdrawn or condescending the next time I see him, making me feel foolish for falling for it and opening myself up to him.

We’re purely physical by the way. I just want to know if he’s emotionally manipulating me like I think he is, and what you think I should do about it? What does he want from me?

I’m usually good at reading guys, I give all my friends advice, but this guy has got my mind reeling. I’m sick of his games.

Should I just end the friendship?

Any help would be great, I’m desperate for some good advice.

Thanks in advance guys, I’ll be sure to give you a donation.

Sophie

Dear Sophie,

Thanks for your question. We thought we understood your question until you said, ‘we’re purely physical.’ Wait, does this mean you’re sleeping with this guy? Because if so, his actions make much more sense. Please explain. For the purpose of this post we’re going to assume you are sleeping with him.

First of all, a FWB arrangement is not what you want here. And if that’s what’s going on you need to end that quickly. He might not be interested in a committed long-term relationship with you but he’s being territorial about you when it comes to other guys. He’s got a good thing going—a great friend and issue-free sex—so he doesn’t want some other guy moving in on his ‘good thing.’ So yes, he is manipulating the situation in that regard.

Sophie, ask yourself what you’re getting from this friendship. Are you secretly hoping he’ll come around? (Even though you say you’re not.) Be honest with yourself. If the answer is no, then stop the FWB and just be friends with the guy. If the answer is yes, then stop the FWB relationship and stop spending so much time with him. This friendship is actually impeding your ability to date other guys, because it’s keeping you emotionally hostage. Well, it’s more that you’re doing it to yourself by relying on him for so much.

Our suggestion: Dial this friendship back. Set up some clear boundaries. Lower your expectations to normal levels, to friendship levels. And start going out with other people away from this circle of friends. Overall, we think it’s time to move on from this situation as hard as that may be. This friendship is not good for you if you really want to meet some great guy and have a committed relationship.

As per his slow response time. In a word, inconsiderate. (A red-flag actually.) Is that the kind of person you want to have a relationship with? He might be fun to hang out with, but he seems to be getting more from the relationship than you.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Please feel free to ask us a follow up question.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

 

17 Comments on My guy friend; is he playing me?

  1. @Emily…….Having sex before establishing any sort of relationship is risky for a lot of reasons. But it happens, so don’t beat yourself up about it. Learn from it. Yes, you got used, but only from your perspective. It’s not like he was thinking, “I’m going to use this girl.” He just wasn’t thinking what you were thinking. He was thinking about having fun and having sex, while you were thinking about relationship potential. You can be upset, and we understand, but it’s not like he did anything “wrong.” It doesn’t feel great though. Have you thought of talking to him about this? Ignoring each other seems isn’t going to get you anywhere.

  2. I have a situation –
    here are the facts:
    I have been seeing a man (we are both in our early 50s) since I was divorced 18 months ago. I have known this man (never married, no children but several long term relationships) for over 21 years (used to work together) and up until we started dating, we were only friends.
    Over these past 18 months – we have spent increasing time together and have spent nearly every night together over the past 10 months. We have taken 6 trips together and I have learned that I am the ONLY woman he has EVER introduced o his family. I do know that there have been two women he has wanted to marry but due to differences in cultural backgrounds, his mother refused to meet them. She is now deceased but in the beginning of our courtship, he drove me to the cemetery to show me her grave and i have since met his father, sibs and extended family). Now, we have decided to sell each of our homes and buy a new place together. Seems so wonderful, right?
    I am very aware that I have insecurity issues and am working on that in therapy; however, sometimes I find that I am concerned about certain situations and am unsure if this is insecurity/needless anxiety OR if this is truly something to be concerned about.
    1) Whenever I say I love him, he will say “that’s so sweet of you to say,” later explaining that he doesn’t know how to talk about feelings and adding that because he is with me 99% of the time (when we are not working), that should let me know how he feels.
    he did, however, say that he loved me ONE time (when he thought I was upset with him). Is this true – that some guys just cannot talk feelings? I am aware of my neediness but at the same time, am I blowing this out of proportion?
    2) This is the real upsetting issue. He has a female friend of approximately 25-30 years. They have never dated or been physical; she is mArried with a child and he knows the husband, too. Once a month or so, they go out – along with a few of HER female friends – they all like to drink and my man does not so he is their designated driver. He always tells me when they re going out and he always comes back to my house after. This entire situation makes me literally sick. Yes I have trust issues as well but is this something a secure woman would accept? I work on Saturday evenings so this is why I am not included although he’s said that if I didn’t work, I could join. I have met all of his male friends/wives except for this small group. I have told him that I don’t like it but that I will not tell him what to do (once or twice) but feel that I cannot keep saying it repeatedly.
    I try to help myself by thinking that he was not in a relationship with her before, so why now? She has not met his family either. I know he dated a few of her friends (not relationships, just dating) in the past and I obsess about this as well. He has told me that this girl is his link to his old neighborhood pals (he is not involved with social media) and that its all innocent and in fact would not be jealous if I went out with a bunch of guy friends because he trusts me. So – I know I am insecure/needy/trust issues and I am very diligently working on resolving these BUT I would like to know (from a MAN’s perspective and/or from a secure person’s perspective) if I really am making something out of nothing here. Thank you.

  3. @Ginger………Actually, the fact that he doesn’t say “I love you” struck a chord with us more than his lady friend. So let’s start with the “I love yous” or rather, lack of “i love yous.” Sure, some guys have a hard time expressing themselves. That said, after 10 months of being with someone day in and day out we’d think he’d be inspired to say it at least every once in a while. One thing that could be happening is that he feels pressured by you. Maybe he feels that you say it just to get him to say it. We’re not saying he thinks you’re saying something you don’t feel, just that, he might feel manipulated and be fighting that. So maybe it’s not that he has a hard time expressing his love for you, maybe he wants to do it on his own terms. Why not take a break from expressing yourself and see what he does? But there is no wrong or right here. Everyone is different, and yes, there are guys who have a hard time with this. As per his girlfriend. Yes, you’re making it a big deal when it isn’t. Facts: He knows her husband. They go out with other friends. He tells you everything. He doesn’t drink. He comes back to your house afterwards. He’s not excluding you, even if it feels that way. And honestly, more men and women should have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. It would do them all some good. We don’t see any issue at all. But, we’re not you. Ask yourself: Is this the issue you want to take a stand on? We’re not saying you shouldn’t if you feel you have to. (Everyone is different. And sometimes, there are certain qualities that we can’t handle in our relationships. And those relationships usually end.) But have a heart-to-heart with yourself. If you do take a stand be ready for the repercussions.

  4. Guys – you just may be right with that. He has said “I will tell you when I am ready to tell you!” I do come from a very demonstrative family so it’s normal for me to say these things. I believe his family does not. You also bring up a point – I didn’t think of it as feeling left out but maybe that is what I am thinking? I just assumed it was lack of trust and fear he will want someone other than me

  5. Jane Smyth // April 23, 2013 at 5:54 pm //

    After reading your advice to the other ladies who have posted, i thought there was no better people to ask for advice than you guys!
    Ok i will get straight into this as it is driving me crazy! I am 10 years older than this guy and he is my brothers friend!!
    5 years ago we realised how much we liked each other and had a secret relationship, i panicked and finished it because i didnt want to hurt my brother. The guy was gutted but we then continued to see each other again on and off until i stopped it again but this time it was because i wanted a relationship and he said no he couldnt do that to my brother. He then met someone else and is still with her. Then not to long ago he contacted me he wanted to talk, he came to my home and told me he was going to dubai in 2 days and he wanted to see me before he went away for good. It was then i realised that i loved him. We talked until the next morning and no nothing at all happened he has a girlfriend. Thats not to say he didnt try with me but i told him i thought he was madly in love with his girlfriend and he replied well obviously im not when im here with you, he looked me straight in the eye when he said this i know he meant it. So that was that and he went to dubai. Then he was back home again after 6 months he couldnt settle in dubai and i assume wanted back to his girlfriend. Since he came back every weekend he has rang and text me wanting to come and see me, i didn’t allow it as he is still in a relationship. This is all going on 5 years now can you please help me and tell me what this guy is playing at???? Im so confused i didnt think he wanted me but now im not so sure, is it wishful thinking on my part? i was walking the dog 3 days ago and walked right into this guy and we were fine walking along and talking i told him he was crazy coming back as it would have been a better life out there for him, (i love him enough to know i cant hold him back he has to live his life), but i was shocked when i asked him why he came back, his response was that he thought he was missing something and obviously he wasnt. He then said he is going back to dubai soon. Seriously confused does he feel the same about me or am i just being played. He and my brother are still very good friends this is tearing me apart, some perspective is needed here please.

  6. @Jane……You say you are ten years older. So how old are the two of you? We’re guessing around 25 and 35. Or younger? The reason we’re asking is because we’re wondering if that has something to do with it above and beyond the fact that he’s your brother’s friend. Because if the two of you were closer to the same age we doubt his relationship with your brother would impede you from moving forward. So we can only surmise that you’re both worried that your brother might freak out because of the age difference. (Like he might say: “How can my much older sister be dating my best friend?” It’s close to—but not quite like— having your very young mother dating your friend.) That said, we don’t see a problem with the age. Connections happen between people of different ages all of the time. But, this theory would explain his erratic, and back and forth behavior. Fill us in and we’ll respond more.

  7. Well I read this post because it reminded me of one of my guy friends and it turns out they seems similar with some minor differences! I have been close friends with this boy for about five years now. He went to a boarding school in another state for high school but we still remained good friends and talked regularly. I know way back when we became friends it started from a crush he had on me but that faded into a friendship. Since becoming friends, I’ve only had one other “serious-ish” relationship and when that ended my guy friends older brother commented to me about making sure his brother knew I was single again. He hasn’t dated anyone at all. About two years ago I started to develop feelings for him. They were probably always kind of there because I think we’re both some what attached to each other. But when I decided I wanted a relationship with him it just kind of fell into place and we were together for about three months. Then when he left for school things began to cool down and finally ended but we remained friends. Both of us have hooked up with other people and I know I’ve been interested in other people but I feel like he’s kind of always at the back of my mind. We talk regularly and we both have a bad habit of calling or texting each other when we’ve been drinking. And not like a booty call either because most of the time we aren’t any where near each other (we also go to different colleges in different states now). Now that its summer and we’re both home we’ve hooked up a few times. I’m confused because he seems more distant now than he ever has before and we actually got in a big fight about it (we don’t fight often). He was being rude and I called him out on it to which he got very defensive and angry. I didn’t expect much because he can act very entitled but after about a week he apologized and owned up to acting rude and distant but didn’t give a reason as to why. I know this is all confusing sounding because I didn’t do a good job of organizing my thoughts but basically to sum things up we have a long history and he is one of my closest guy friends. But I know I have feelings for him I just have no idea how he feels about me. My family loves him from when we were together and for all the time he has spent at our house because of our friendship. I know and get along with his family and in my head it seems like one of those things that a relationship would be so natural and obvious but maybe I’m wrong. He confuses me and I can’t tell what he wants. I’m scared that we’ve gotten to the point where we’re either not going to be friends at all or we’re going to be more than friends because right now our friendship just isn’t working.

    I hope that wasn’t terribly confusing! Please just give me any advice you have or if you have any insight to what he could be thinking or feeling.

  8. @Cecelilla……..He’s being confusing because he’s confused as to what he’s doing, and also, he doesn’t feel great about it after the fact. Meaning, he was all for hooking up with you, but then after he did he didn’t feel right about it. So instead of talking about it, he acted rude and entitled, or whatever. This is going nowhere. If you want to remain friends with him we suggest you stop hooking up with him. He’s not going to stop it. (Most guys don’t turn down sex.) But he’s not going to take it to the next level either. In general we suggest you stop hooking up with him and move on.

  9. Ok so i’ve known this guy (x) since first grade but we never actually got to know each other really well before last year during a school trip. I had recently made out with one of his best friends (y) so he (x) decided he wanted to become my “best guy friend” so that he could know everything about me (probably so that he could then tell everything about me to his friend (y)). I was initially a bit freaked out when he (x) told me this because I didn’t know him that well, but in the end he turned out to be a really great guy. We spent a lot of time together and he always made me laugh, we soon became great friends. He asked me many questions about what i thought of his best friend (y) (this made me think we (y and I) would have started dating). However, back from summer holidays his best friend (y) stopped talking to me for no reason. When I finally approached him and asked him why he was acting like this, he just said that he wanted things to go back as normal, to before we had made out. Things however obviously never went back to normal.

    My friendship with the other guy (x) though kept on going, I loved spending time with him (although we never confronted the argument of y and I ever again).

    During senior year I dated another of his friends, but it just didnt work. When i was having problems with him, x was always trying to help me out. When I got dumped by this guy, x saw us, came to me and walked me home talking to me all the way. He was super nice with me that day (although usually he was always teasing me jokingly), and I think that from that day I starting having a liiittle crush on him but I didnt tell anybody.

    II was also always helping him with the many girls he tried to get with, giving him lots of advice. I watched him try with girl after girl, but always failing. And I soon started wondering if he ever thought of trying with me. He was always complimenting me but also confiding really personal stuff, telling me “I was the only person he could tell this to”. So I didnt get why he wouldn’t want to try getting with me.

    It took him an year but finally, at prom night.. he offered me a ride home. I accepted but was reluctant when he started asking me to pass by his house. But he insisted so I said ok. At first it was really chill, we just stayed on the pc and talked for a while. I then started saying I had to go and he wouldn’t tell me his address (so that I could take a cab), because he wanted me to stay. I liked him but I didn’t want anything to happen because school was nearly over, plus it would have been really awkward because we were now in the same group of friends and always went out together. Before I could even realize it we were falling asleep together. He was sweetly caressing me and automatically, I put my arm around his chest. He kept caressing me for another 10 minutes and it was getting really awkward, so reeeeally slowly I got closer and closer to him and we kissed. After that we kissed all night. He later told me that the moment I put my arm around him he was exploding with joy, and that he would have never imagined this could have really happened. He was so so sweet with me, and again wouldn’t let me go. I asked him to not tell anybody about that night but I found out later that he obviously did. I was also really scared that things would have gotten really awkward (just like with y and the other guy), and that we would have stopped being friends. I told him this and he promised me everything would have remained the same if we wanted it to. I left the morning after, and in the afternoon he texted me jokingly, showing me that nothing would have been awkward.

    We then left for our senior trip and the second night we hooked up in a club. I was really drunk and don’t even remember how. At that point, everybody found out so we hooked up for the rest of the nights there. Some of them were really romantic on the beach on our own, with him saying the sweetest things ever. We did stuff only on the last night, where he also tried to have sex but I said because I wanted the first time to be with someone special, and he replied “I wish i were that special one”. The awkward thing is that we always hooked up during the night when drunk/high (maybe its because I’m really shy in these situations, but what do you think it means?). He came up to me one of the first nights (sober) and said to me that he was annoyed cos he couldnt stop thinking about me, and this would have been a problem as we had only one week left together and then we had to leave for uni. I was so embarassed so I just blurted “Its okay, its a summer thing, its nothing serious”. I felt bad for saying that so in the end i kissed him at the beach when I had the occasion to (never in front of our friends though cos I was really embarrassed).

    We then left but said bye to eachother just by hugging. He left for a month and never wrote to me until the day before coming back. I felt like shit cos he was so sweet to me when together but didnt bother even texting me for a month (even just as a friend!) When he finally did write to me I answered and we managed to meet up in our hometown. I invited him out with a group of friends because I didnt want things to be awkward (just us two), but he said he was too tired from his trip so he told me i could come to his place like the first night. I was really annoyed initially (because he wouldnt move his ass to come see me) but I really wanted to see him so I went.

    We had a lovely night together. We watched a movie, smoked together and slept together. He also asked me to take a shower with him, I didnt want to because I was afraid he would try to have sex and I didnt want to turn him down again. He insisted so we showered, but weirdly, he didnt try to have sex. Why do you think? Is it a good sign (shows he really cares for me and respects me) or bad sign (shows he’s not that attracted to me)? Anyways that night i decided to tell him that I wanted him to write to me more often, and he reacted a bit weirdly. He started going on about university and different paths, as if he were assuming I was telling him I wanted to date him. So i started telling him that I wanted to hear from him even just as a friend. He said an awkward “ok” and the conversation ended there. I felt weird cos during the senior trip he was the one talking about the future and I was the one taking things really chill. Anyways apart for that he was extremely sweet with me the whole night and we had a really good time together.

    He didnt however write to me for a week. I came back to our hometown three days ago, and he was supposed to have left. I found out today that he changed his plans and is still here, and i got kind of pissed because he knew I was coming back and didnt tell me anything (we could have seen each other for 3 nights!!!)

    So i decided to write to him.. I’ve heard you’re home, is it true? And he texted back: Yes! Are you too?? (so maybe he didnt remember I was coming back) ..and i texted back: yes!! do you know if anybody is doing anything tonight? ..and he texted: nope, i havent heard anybody.

    And the conversation ended there. He didnt ask me to meet up or anything and I was really annoyed by that. Ive notice im the one always texting him. his friend says generally that its not me but its him who is forgetful and careless, and because it is summer he doesnt even think about writing to me. But its weird cos when we’re together he’s the sweeter one between us two, it looks as if he really really likes me. But then again maybe he acts like this only when he knows he can get something out of it. Now with these texts he’s acting so distant I don’t get why, is it because I told him i wanted to hear from him more often?

    Now we’re both moving to England for university. I’m going to London and he’s going just 40 mins outside London. I don’t know what to do Im so confused because I have never got along so well with a guy whom I’m also attracted to and I really don’t get what he wants from me. At first he looked like the sweet one really into the thing, but now its as if he doesnt care anymore. Do you think he is actually into me? What do you think I should do? Just go back as friends? Or hope that we could get into some sort of open relationship (because on uni)? I just don’t want to lose him or make things get awkward between us.
    PLEASE HELP ME

    PS. tomorrow is my last night home, should I text him again asking him if he’s doing something? or should I just stop running after him (now that he knows I’m home too!)

  10. @Elli…..Please condense. Thanks.

  11. Ok so i’ve known this guy (x) since first grade but we never actually got to know each other really well before last year during a summer school trip. We soon became great friends. During senior year I dated another of his friends, but it just didnt work. When I got dumped by one of his friends x came up to me and walked me home talking to me all the way. From that day I think that from that I started having a liiittle crush on him but I didnt tell anybody.

    I was also ironically always helping him with the many girls he tried to get with (and failing). He was always complimenting me but also confiding really personal stuff, telling me “I was the only person he could tell this to”. So I wondered why he wouldn’t want to try getting with me. It took him an year but finally, at prom night he invited me to his place. At first it was really chill, I liked him but I didn’t want anything to happen because school was nearly over, plus it would have been really awkward because we were now in the same group of friends. Before I could even realize it we were falling asleep together. He was caressing me and automatically, I put my arm around his chest. He kept caressing me for another 10 minutes and it was getting really awkward, so reeeeally slowly I got closer and closer to him and we kissed. He later told me that the moment I put my arm around him he was the happiest guy ever; that he would have never imagined this could have really happened. He was so so sweet with me, and wouldn’t let me go home. I asked him to not tell anybody about that night.

    I was also really scared that things would have gotten really awkward between us, and that we would have stopped being friends. I told him this and he promised me everything would have remained the same if we wanted it to. I left the morning after, and in the afternoon he texted me jokingly, showing me that nothing would have changed.

    We then left for our senior trip and hooked up all the nights. Once we saw the sunrise at the beach together. We did stuff only on the last night, where he also tried to have sex but I said no because I wanted the first time to be with someone special, and he replied “I wish i were that special one”. The awkward thing is that we always hooked up during the night when drunk/high (what do you think it means?) The only time he came up to me (sober) he said that he was annoyed cos he couldnt stop thinking about me, and this would have been a problem as we had only one week left together and then we had to leave for uni. I was so embarassed so I just blurted “Its okay, its a summer fling, its nothing serious”. I felt bad for saying that so in the end i decided to once kiss him during the day at the beach (never in front of our friends though cos I was really embarrassed).

    He left for a month. I felt like shit cos he was so sweet to me when together but didnt bother even texting me for a month (even just as a friend!) When he finally did write to me I answered and we managed to meet up in our hometown. I invited him out with a group of friends because I didnt want things to be awkward (just us two), but he said he was too tired from his trip so he told me i could come to his place like the first night. I was really annoyed (because he wouldnt come see me) but I really wanted to see him so I went. We watched a movie, smoked together and slept together. He also asked me to take a shower with him, I didnt want to because I was afraid he would try to have sex and I didnt want to turn him down again. He insisted so we showered, but weirdly, he didnt try to have sex. Why do you think? Is it a good sign (shows he really cares for me and respects me) or bad sign (shows he’s not that attracted to me)?

    Anyways that night i told him to write to me more often, and he reacted a bit weirdly. He started going on about university and different paths, as if he were assuming I was telling him I wanted to date him. So i started telling him that I wanted to hear from him even just as a friend. He said an awkward “ok” and the conversation ended there. I felt weird cos during the senior trip he was the one talking about the future and I was the one taking things really chill (living the moment)

    Anyways apart for that he was extremely sweet with me the whole night and we had a really good time together. After that though, he didn’t write to me for a week. I came back to our hometown three days ago, and he was supposed to have left. I found out today that he was still here, and i got kind of pissed because he knew I was coming back and didnt tell me anything (we could have seen each other for 3 nights!!!) So i decided to write to him.. I’ve heard you’re home, is it true? And he texted back: Yes! Are you too?? (so maybe he didnt remember I was coming back) ..and i texted back: yes!! do you know if anybody is doing anything tonight? ..and he texted: nope, i havent heard anybody. And the conversation ended there. He didnt ask me to meet up or anything and I was really annoyed by that. His friend says generally that its not me but its him who is forgetful and careless, and because it is summer he doesnt even think about writing to me. But its weird cos when we’re together he’s the sweeter one between us two (ive never met a guy so sweet), it looks as if he really really likes me. Sometimes he just likes staying in bed together hugging eachother. But then again maybe he acts like this only when he knows he can get something out of it. Now with these texts he’s acting so distant I don’t get why???

    Now we’re both moving out for university. I’m going to London and he’s going just 40 mins outside London. I don’t know what to do Im so confused because I have never got along so well with a guy whom I’m also attracted to and I really don’t get what he wants from me. At first he looked like the sweet one really into the thing, but now its as if he doesnt care anymore. Do you think he is actually into me? What do you think I should do? Just go back as friends? Or hope that we could get into some sort of open relationship (because of uni)? I just don’t want to lose him or make things get awkward between us. Plus its summer so its so difficult to communicate with him. PLEASE HELP ME!!
    PS. tomorrow is my last night home, should I text him again asking him if he’s doing something? or should I just stop running after him (now that he knows I’m home too!)

  12. Hi Guys,

    I just want to ask if it is possible for guys to keep atomic relationship with girls?

    I made a mistake before, and got into a friends with benefit relationship with a guy friend of us without knowing that was such a relationship. I thought I was in love again.. We are both in a long term relationship for more than 5 years and we are studying overseas, so I think we got lonely. my boyfriend started working too, so we can’t Skype much.

    So when I came to realise that my friend was probably not serious, I came to this realisation and i broke the fwb relationship. It was quite traumatic.

    Now he says he is sorry. He loved me but not as much as his gf. He said he still wants to be friends and he wants to make it up to me. I have to say he has been trying. He sent me to the doc when I was sick, he taught me how to repair my car… He brought me eating and skiing, and cooked for me and my housemates. He find new songs to share with me.He needed support for a competition and asked me along. Even though I tried as much to hang out in a group, I have to admit we do enjoy spending time with one another. A few times, he tried to hold my back, elbow or hands when we were crossing roads, but I held back. I wasn’t sure if he was just being a gentleman?

    I’m scares of things turning messy, but yet I’m graduating in 3 month’s time and I want to be supportive within these last 3 months… Even if we no longer remain friends. I don’t know why I am like that, I know I do care.
    An I reading too much into his actions and everything is fine and dandy? Am I getting played or am I heading into self doom?

  13. Platonic* not atomic

  14. @Rinda…..To be clear: You both have significant others. Correct? Which means you’re both cheating on your significant others? Or were? So the first step is to figure out what YOU really want. If it’s this traumatic with this guy, then maybe you need to rethink your relationship at home. Sounds like you’re really into your FWB not your boyfriend. As per your former FWB. He seems like he’s chosen his girlfriend over you. However, he’d still be open to sex with you if you were into that. Doesn’t say a lot about his character. Our advice: Do not get involved anymore with this guy. You need to figure out whether or not you still want your boyfriend at home.

  15. When we were FWB ( we were cuddly and kissy but not sexual), we were both attached. He hit a rough patch with his gf but i think he loved her more, and i decided to stop seeing him, and i also broke up with my boyfriend. That was last year.

    My friend and I just patched up in Feb this year, and he helped me a lot as a friend. I hoped he meant it when he cared as a friend , but it also felt like he was ‘playing again’ now as he seemed to be doing certain things. He is generally nice to everyone but I’m not sure what is happening. I know I do care for him. Is he just treating me as a good friend?

    He never talks about his gf and we don’t share anything too personal now, but weeks support to each other, but he can get abit touchy or he would stare at me. I think I will feel betrayed if I know he’s doing all this to get sex.

    Should I keep away?

  16. Hi guys….So I have this guy friend. He has been my best friend for the last year. We were roommates for the last 2, and recently I moved out. Since then we have been spending more and more time together…I mean even if he is working, he will call me and ask to come see him…unless he is sleeping or practicing with his band he is with me. He is even turning guaranteed sex down and choosing to spend that time with me. We have had sex with each other on several occasions, but nothing ever comes with it…but nothing ever changes, except since I have moved out, we don’t have sex anymore and haven’t since my last night we were roommates. It’s been 2 months. I had never had feelings for him, until recently when we started spending so much time together, and the thought crossed my mind. I mean he comes over and stays the night at least 3 times a week, and I see him every day. However, when he stays the night he sleeps on the couch, and that’s where I usually fall asleep, but then I go to my bed, and he is there in the morning. This is where the questions come in ..I asked him about 1 month before I moved out, if his sleeping around ever gets old and doesn’t he want something with substance, or more than just sex? He said why do I need that, I have you. What does that mean? Why when we were having sex, were we not spending time together, not like now….and now that we’re not having sex, we spend a lot of our time together? Does he feel something more? Is he exploring my substance? I am tired of being rejected (from men in general) and don’t want to ruin what we have going now with this bs.. my feelings….so what do I do? HELP!!!!!!

  17. @KTM….We sent you an email days ago. Please read. Sorry. Site is coming down any day. And we refunded your donation. Thanks and good luck.

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