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Dear Guys,
So there’s this guy from Muay Thai class that I like. I met him recently, around 5 months ago, but he is much older than me — I’m 22 and he is 33. We are now having conversations online for at least one hour a night, 70% of which are probably initiated by me, but he seems happy enough talking.
Also for the past two months now, we’ve probably hung out alone together three or four times. We go for casual dinners, watch movies, and play video games till around 3am each time. Even though we’ve been alone he has never initiated any physical contact with me. I have however seen him sneak looks at me while we are watching a movie sometimes. He has never told me what he thought of us and never called us hanging out alone a “date” so I just assumed that to him we are only friends, but is it possible that he could also have feelings for me?
I’m also shy and afraid of saying anything about that to him because it is possible that I am just blinded by my feelings, or misinterpreting things. And saying anything might result in the end of the friendship we currently have. What do you think?
Marina
Dear Marina,
Thanks for your question.
By now, you may have your answer since it took us a few weeks to get to your question. However, we think this is pretty straightforward.
No guy is going to invest that much time with a woman unless he’s interested in her beyond a friendship. However if he truly just wants you as a friend, it’s possible he’s not interested in women in general. (All we’re saying is it’s possible.)
So let’s assume he’s straight and is interested. The age difference isn’t a problem for him. Eleven years in the big picture isn’t a big deal at all, but you are slightly young to embark on a relationship with a guy eleven years your senior. Are you okay with it? Do the two of you seem compatible on many levels? (You should listen to our video on Dating Older Men for more insights.) The fact that he’s probably established in the “adult world” with a job, an apartment, and a routine, means he’s probably in a very different place than you are in your life. It’s likely you’ve just finished college, and are now trying to get established in the world. This gap can often create divisions in a relationship if they’re not talked about frequently. Good communication is vital for a relationship to thrive and endure.
Sometimes the older person in the relationship can be smothering and not allow the younger partner to grow and evolve on their own. Be on the lookout for this, because you will end up being resentful if this occurs. This shouldn’t prevent you from moving forward, it’s just something to be aware of.
Now back to your question. We do think he’s into you. So the question is why hasn’t he made a move on you? Maybe he’s shy? Or maybe he feels a little weird since you are a lot younger than him? He may be attracted to you—that’s why you see him stealing glances—but he’s unsure how he should proceed. He’s doesn’t really know how you’re feeling so he doesn’t want to make a move for fear of being perceived as a pervert, or even worse a predator. If he is feeling this way, this is a good thing, because it means he’s got a solid awareness of his place in the world, and society.
If you want to make it easy on him, drop some hints that you’re interested. You should not be the one who makes the first move, but it’s okay to let him know it’s okay if he does. Of course nothing is guaranteed here Marina, so understand when you attempt to transition a relationship from friendship to romance, things can go either way.
Good luck and keep us posted. Please leave us a follow up comment and let us know how it goes.
THE GUYS
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@Annalise.....You need to wait until you're 18. That way he feels comfortable and you'll be able to get a better read for what he's thinking/feeling. We don't think you need to come right out and tell him your feelings, but certainly it's okay to make it obvious you'd be open to his advances. Also, a seven year difference in age is a pretty big difference at 17 and 24. Not so much when you get to be in your 30s. Why? Because he's at a very different stage in his life. He's already experienced much of what you're going to be experiencing these next 7 years. Which is why we'd recommend finding a guy closer to your age so you share similar experiences. However, we'd like to help you with this situation so why don't you touch base with us in a bit when you have more info and we'll offer some more insight then. What do you think? ps. We hope you'll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it. @TGPBuzz. Also, help a fellow reader. Please take the time to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.
Hiya! Okay so I like this guy I work with he's 24 and I'm 17, problem is he won't date me because of our age differences. He doesn't know I like him, our friend sneakily asked him in a game of 'date and bang', problem is this friend of mine once had a huge crush on me, and I feel like he's chopped bits out of their conversation, yet don't want to doubt him he's now in a relationship so I know his feelings are weak or no longer there. Question is will this guy change his mind? He once asked me when I was 18 and has made it clear that he only dates 18 year old, I'm 18 in a few months. Though the legal age here Is 16. Yet I'm so confused by his actions. He tells me about all the girls he's been sleeping with and how none of them are right for him, yet he can be so sweet and charming to me it's like he's two different people! He also tells small lies that involve me, such as; I once said I was going to be home alone and that I can't cook, he said he will come round and cook me something yet he can't cook himself? He also said he would take me to a drake concert and pay, yet he doesn't like drake that much. I'm so confused by his actions, one moment I can be definite that he likes me, for instance he hugged me three times in less then 5 mins, he also told me 'my lipstick looked nice' when its the same one ive worn for over a month and always looks at me in the eye when he speaks to me, yet the next he can be telling me all about these woman?! What should I do? Wait for him till I'm 18? I've never told a guy how I feel about them before I knew how they feel about me first!? How do I go about this situation! Many thanks!