The Guy’s Perspective

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Consider a donation to The Guys. We put a lot of time into giving thoughtful and informative answers to your questions.

Thanks so much.

Also, check out our latest podcast. The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.

Subscribe and listen on itunes. Give us a five star rating on itunes and be eligible to win two thumb drives with all of our podcast episodes already loaded on.

Yesterday’s Question: Sex after child

Last week’s questions:

Men and their Guy Trips

Did he ever care at all?

Four years and counting: What’s he thinking?

Questions to come:

Is he stubborn or just not that into me?

Confusion?

Am I being played?

Is he playing me?

Hello Guys,

Thanks for being here

This guy at the gym… morning weekday manager… I started frequenting the gym every morning 3 months ago. He was one of the other employees to me, nothing noteworthy, just a nice cute staff member at my local gym…

…Until about a month ago when he smiled at me. Sure other cute gym staff guys smile at me, but when HE smiled at me this one time about a month ago, I just melted. It was that look that I interpreted as, “you are beautiful,” or maybe it was my wishful thinking, but this was the first time when seeing him made me feel giddy. So, ever since then we flash smiles at each other when we see each other.

One day, as I was leaving the gym, he told me to have a nice weekend (with that smile that makes me melt)… Does he really look at all the girls this way? I ask myself. I still haven’t figured it out. Anyway, as I was heading out the door, I saw his reflection from the tinted windows and he was looking directly at me throughout my entire 25 or so foot walk to the door. Did he want me to know or could he not tell that I could see him? Darn, I should have had the nerve to turn around and catch him in the act

And just last week, we saw each other in the staircase and he backed up to talk to me. He was really surprised that I knew his name and he teased me. Then I excused myself into the women’s locker room, but was just so happy that he made an effort to come talk to me.

Since then, we still smile at each other, but I never stop to talk… I just take in that beautiful smile of his, smile right back, and get to my workout.

Today, I had the feeling that he was at the front desk when I walked through the gym, but I had no reason to look over other than to see if he was there, which I didn’t because I don’t want to look desperate. I want him to know I’m interested, but I certainly don’t want him to think I go to the gym for his sake (which I don’t)… his smile is my bonus

He always walks through the gym classes I take at least once and mostly twice. Don’t know if I ever contribute to that and I often feel him looking in my direction.

But I’ve been wondering why he doesn’t make an effort to be visibly available to me when I’m leaving the gym… maybe he’s not interested? Maybe he feels he already made his effort by backing up at the stairs to talk to me? Maybe he hasn’t figured out it takes me about half an hour to get ready to head out to work after the gym class I take… maybe I’m expecting too much from a guy who has work to do and doesn’t have the time to coordinate at what time he should be at the front desk to see that cute girl he likes leave….

And a friend of mine at the gym who’s been going much longer than me says he’s really quiet and shy, but I always see people talking to him…

Ah! What do I do? Just wait to see if he’ll get the hint from my smiling at him or should I do more?

Sorry so long, but I really am confused and don’t want to mess up a potentially good opportunity with a nice guy that may be interested.

Thanks guys!

Laura

Dear Laura,

Thanks for your question.

We also answered this question on our most recent podcast, TGP Episode 32: Money, Food, Couples, and Finances

Please listen to get our entire answer, which was somewhat lengthy. But we’ll sum this up here as well.

It sounds like he is in fact interested in you. Although keep in mind he is an employee and is paid to give good customer service. We can’t tell you how many guys think the waitress or bartender at the local restaurant is interested in them, when in fact they are just being nice, and hoping for a good tip. (It happens every day.)

However, your case seems different, especially since you saw him checking you out as you left the gym that one day. But his hands are tied. He really can’t ask you out because he’s probably signed some agreement to not hit on the members, otherwise he could lose his job.

So this is up to you Laura. The best way to take this to the next level is to find a time when you can chat briefly with him; and at the end of the conversation hand him your card, or a piece of paper with your number on it, and say something like, “If you’d like to have coffee or lunch sometime give me a call. We can continue this conversation.”

Keep in mind if you’ve misinterpreted his signals you still have to go to the gym even though you might be embarrassed or feel awkward. But we always say,  “nothing ventured nothing gained.”

Typically we think the guy should make the first move, but in your case you’re going to have to be the one to do it. But once the ball is in his court please leave it up to him . If he doesn’t call, or ask you out, it’s likely he just smiles at all the girls.

Good luck.

THE GUYS

Posted in Relationship Advice: Question/Answer

Tagged with: dating • dating advice • Dating questions • employee • guys • gym • interested • men • relationship advice • women