The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

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All the best,



Hello Guys,

Thanks for being here :)

This guy at the gym… morning weekday manager… I started frequenting the gym every morning 3 months ago. He was one of the other employees to me, nothing noteworthy, just a nice cute staff member at my local gym…

…Until about a month ago when he smiled at me. Sure other cute gym staff guys smile at me, but when HE smiled at me this one time about a month ago, I just melted. It was that look that I interpreted as, “you are beautiful,” or maybe it was my wishful thinking, but this was the first time when seeing him made me feel giddy. So, ever since then we flash smiles at each other when we see each other.

One day, as I was leaving the gym, he told me to have a nice weekend (with that smile that makes me melt)… Does he really look at all the girls this way? I ask myself. I still haven’t figured it out. Anyway, as I was heading out the door, I saw his reflection from the tinted windows and he was looking directly at me throughout my entire 25 or so foot walk to the door. Did he want me to know or could he not tell that I could see him? Darn, I should have had the nerve to turn around and catch him in the act :)

And just last week, we saw each other in the staircase and he backed up to talk to me. He was really surprised that I knew his name and he teased me. Then I excused myself into the women’s locker room, but was just so happy that he made an effort to come talk to me.

Since then, we still smile at each other, but I never stop to talk… I just take in that beautiful smile of his, smile right back, and get to my workout.

Today, I had the feeling that he was at the front desk when I walked through the gym, but I had no reason to look over other than to see if he was there, which I didn’t because I don’t want to look desperate. I want him to know I’m interested, but I certainly don’t want him to think I go to the gym for his sake (which I don’t)… his smile is my bonus :)

He always walks through the gym classes I take at least once and mostly twice. Don’t know if I ever contribute to that and I often feel him looking in my direction.

But I’ve been wondering why he doesn’t make an effort to be visibly available to me when I’m leaving the gym… maybe he’s not interested? Maybe he feels he already made his effort by backing up at the stairs to talk to me? Maybe he hasn’t figured out it takes me about half an hour to get ready to head out to work after the gym class I take… maybe I’m expecting too much from a guy who has work to do and doesn’t have the time to coordinate at what time he should be at the front desk to see that cute girl he likes leave….

And a friend of mine at the gym who’s been going much longer than me says he’s really quiet and shy, but I always see people talking to him…

Ah! What do I do? Just wait to see if he’ll get the hint from my smiling at him or should I do more?

Sorry so long, but I really am confused and don’t want to mess up a potentially good opportunity with a nice guy that may be interested.

Thanks guys!


Dear Laura,

Thanks for your question.

We also answered this question on our most recent podcast, TGP Episode 32: Money, Food, Couples, and Finances

Please listen to get our entire answer, which was somewhat lengthy. But we’ll sum this up here as well.

It sounds like he is in fact interested in you. Although keep in mind he is an employee and is paid to give good customer service. We can’t tell you how many guys think the waitress or bartender at the local restaurant is interested in them, when in fact they are just being nice, and hoping for a good tip. (It happens every day.)

However, your case seems different, especially since you saw him checking you out as you left the gym that one day. But his hands are tied. He really can’t ask you out because he’s probably signed some agreement to not hit on the members, otherwise he could lose his job.

So this is up to you Laura. The best way to take this to the next level is to find a time when you can chat briefly with him; and at the end of the conversation hand him your card, or a piece of paper with your number on it, and say something like, “If you’d like to have coffee or lunch sometime give me a call. We can continue this conversation.”

Keep in mind if you’ve misinterpreted his signals you still have to go to the gym even though you might be embarrassed or feel awkward. But we always say,  “nothing ventured nothing gained.”

Typically we think the guy should make the first move, but in your case you’re going to have to be the one to do it. But once the ball is in his court please leave it up to him . If he doesn’t call, or ask you out, it’s likely he just smiles at all the girls.

Good luck.


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. @TGPBuzz

22 Comments on The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

  1. anonomous // June 18, 2013 at 12:52 am //

    i have this situation at the gym where i caught a girl staring at me.
    one day i got off the treadmill and took a little stumble because i was tired. our eyes met and she giggled and smiled. i did the same back. jumping to the recent events. i go to the gym with my best friend. so she left the treadmill for a bit. mind you she was across the room. she was with her sister. and i could tell her sister was teasing her. so she relocates to a new machine beside a mirror. she then switches sides and he ends up in my view. i look at her and i catch her looking. i got that feeling of laughter and i choked up inside. now by the end of the work out. my buddy is maybe 20 ft to the side of me. no where near her site. he said shes mirin me. im saying are you kidding me. so with no action taken we leave the gym and i mention that i want to go back in to get her number. he then says no lets go home. mind you im the one with the car and im the one driving him to the gym everytime we go. i just felt so pissed off. is my friend trying to test if im alpha or not to stick it to him. im so frustrated. opinions please. the looks that girl gave me has been on multiple occasions.

  2. @Anonymous……Stop listening to your buddy. You should go for what you want. Our advice: Start going to the gym by yourself. If she keeps giving you a look, try talking to her first. If she seems receptive ask her for her number. We’ve always had much more success “working” alone. The only downside: If you’ve misread this, then it could be a bit awkward going to that gym. If that happens—which we hope doesn’t—start going again with your buddy. Make sense.

  3. Hi, at the gym I have noticed a guy and whenever we end up near each other he smiles at me. Then yesterday I was looking for a bench and straight away he was offering me the bench near him and I said ok and he carried it over to this a sign he likes me?

  4. @Rach….Possibly. It’s too soon to tell. See how it plays out. And be patient.

  5. I’m having my own dilemma with a gentlemen at my gym.

    Basically back in may I decided to go back to the gym. I had gone to gyms previously but wasn’t sure on proper techniques so I didn’t stick with it. This gym I decided I would pay for a trainer and learn basic exercises and continue on my own afterwards. I typically have a better rapport with males, so I opted for a male trainer.

    The male trainer I got is fantastic! Not only did we get along perfectly, he was knowledgeable and easy to work with. Initially I had a crush on him, but I just chalked it up to being a crush.

    So our first session together he didn’t realize that it was a paid session. My gym offers trial sessions to members before they buy a package. So once our session was done he sat me down with customer service, and once I pointed out that I’ve already paid, we get up to leave. He remarks to me that he was glad I was a client of his, and he was hoping I’d get some sessions.

    Over the next couple of weeks we had our normal sessions, and in the midst I got his phone number because I needed to reschedule a session. The flirting during the sessions stayed pretty much as flirting.

    Well once our sessions ended he remarked how sad he was that I had no more sessions. That he had tons of fun with me, and I joked that we could continue to work out together, but never really agreed.

    After our final session, I saw him in the gym, but I wanted to intentionally look as if I hadn’t seen him. So I walked by him looking at my phone so it looked like I didn’t see him. He then came up to me almost immediately and said hey. Now I don’t know if it was intentional but after that everywhere I went, he was there and we would end up talking. Well I asked him for a copy of our last work out because of how good it was and he told me he would leave it up by the trainers desk for when I left. So I walked away. Next thing I know he comes up to me to hand deliver the work out routine and tells me bye.

    So naturally I am wondering if maybe he likes me, or is just really nice.

    Over the next couple of weeks if I did see him he was with a client, so we didn’t get to talk so much. He would come say hi to me whenever he could though. I had practically written this off until a couple days ago.

    I had no idea he was there, and was working out like normal, when he intentionally walks by me and stops to chat. We chatted for maybe 20 minutes or so about random things. I recalled telling him he owed me ice cream, and very adamantly reminded him of this. He agreed to get me ice cream, but it was almost like he wanted me to ask him out for ice cream. He said he didn’t want to bring it to the gym because it would melt, and I feel like I should’ve seized the opportunity there, but instead I continued to prod him that it would be ok. So he agrees that he will bring it to the gym and keep it in the trainer freezer. When I asked him why he was worried about it
    Melting when he has a freezer, he just shrugged and smiled.

    Well today I didn’t make it to the gym in time to get my ice cream from him, but he left it for me! People don’t bring people ice cream at the gym unless they like them right? Am I over analyzing? We text but usually I have to start it, but he will always respond, he makes an effort to seek me out to talk to me if he can when I’ve never made the same effort, and he always has a giant cheesy grin when he sees me not to forget he asked me if I wanted to join him in spin class. Am I making this up in my head because I want to see these things, or does he genuinely like me? If he does how do I get it to progress without being one of “those” girls?

  6. @Rina…..You don’t. If he doesn’t initiate something outside of the gym, you shouldn’t. Remember, you are his client. It’s his job to be super nice to you and flirt with you. Just like a bartender might. Like we said, if he doesn’t take this to the next level soon then he isn’t planning on it. Sorry. We’re hoping he will, but don’t get your hopes up too much. Focus on the fact that he’s a good trainer and enjoy being in the company of an attractive guy. Remember, it’s tricky for him to ask out a client. (Another thought: He also might have a girlfriend.) Good luck.

  7. There’s a guy that the first day of boot camp, he came out of nowhere three times to help me during the class. He would ask me questions about my tattoos and what I do, and he would call me a cheater during the exercises. The second day before the class, we had a small conversation. He came by me during line up and then told me were going to race, then when we started running he got into my lane to try to mess me up. He also gives me direction and will wait for me during exercises to explain them to me. Do you think he’s into me?

  8. hi i meet this much unger guy at the gym he comes over often to what it appears to me to be teasing he throws the ball at me and seams to be close to where im at all the time then like today he did not do much and then he suddenly left does guys maybe do that to be more interesting to women or is it just because they dont care maybe they are playing hard to get or something by leaving before you do im not dating him or anything its is just some flirting i guess i like him though what will a guy do to be more cool in his own eyes anyhow like i said he walks past me but not to often without bumping in to me like with a sholder or something any ideas

  9. fitness freak // November 17, 2015 at 3:49 pm //

    I constantly see a guy at gym. We had quite a few eye contacts intiated by him. I being shy would not look at him very often when people are around me. Now I feel he avoids eye contact, but makes sure he is always around me where ever I am in the gym. I do not know his intentions can anyone help me understand this. I tried to stay away thinking he might not be interested as he was avoiding eye contacts. But he is always where I am. If i avoid that place he comes where ever I am currently. I am confused.

  10. @fitness freak…..The best case scenario is if he initiates some sort of interaction with you.Maybe asks you to share weights or asks you a question about something exercise related. If he doesn’t you have two choices. 1. Initiate a conversation yourself. Same sort of idea we suggested for him. 2. Just wait and see. It’s hard to say what’s going on, but in general, hitting on a woman at the gym takes some serious confidence. He may or may not possess it.

  11. Hi everybody!

    I’m wondering if anyone could give me advice on my situation. I go to my school’s gym frequently.. 3-4 times a week. Almost every time I was there last semester I started noticing this very handsome guy working out around the same I was there. We would always make eye contact and glance at each other and then towards the end of the semester he started smiling at me every time I looked at him. A reeally cute smile. His eyes soften when he smiles and I swear I can feel a little spark of something. So I give him a nice smile back. This semester just started not too long ago and I don’t see him as often since my schedule has changed a bit, but when I do see him he still smiles and when we walk by each other in the weights area sometimes he’ll say ‘how’s it going?!’ and i’ll respond i’m well how are you?! he’ll say he’s good.. and we both continue on with our work outs.. the conversation not going much farther. But how do I know if I should or WHAT** I should say since I don’t know him.. I just see him and we smile at each other and now I am insanely attracted to him. I’m not sure if he’s just being a nice guy or if he feels that little spark that I feel as well. The gym seems like such a strange place to be chattin’ it up because we both seem to take our workouts seriously- I don’t wanna interrupt him. And either I leave before him or he leaves before me so it’s been hard to catch him while leaving the gym. A part of me feels like I should wait for him to initiate but maybe he’s shy?? I have been told I have an intimidating demeanor at times. But i’m also a bit intimidated of him. ha Although I’ve been feeling like he’s getting braver since he keeps saying a little more to me each time I see him. Maybe i’m just being impatient :/ Orrr what do you guys think?

    Any advice? Thank you!

  12. @Kenzie…..There are two reasons he might not be initiating further. 1. He’s shy or not confident. 2. He has a girlfriend. We advise you to be patient and let him initiate. You may or may not be intimidating, but if he’s not confident enough to take a risk, then he’s not going to be confident in other areas as well. Relax. Enjoy the flirting. And just see what happens. It sounds fun. ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! @TGPBuzz

  13. Dear Everyone,
    I feel super silly for doing this but I have a man at my gym I have my eye. I’m a timid person and I would never bombard someone especially in a gym, lol it’s a gym for a reason right. But he’s obviously older than myself and I don’t mind. However, he seems extremely friendly to the workers there. Also I’ve observed there always the same women talking to him and there when he is. I’ve never fired up a conversation with him, but I feel as if I always blow my chases since I’m so shy. I remembered when I first joined he would always be working next to me. I remember once I just did yoga for my entire time at my gym and he had just came to the gym and instantly came over next to me and I had to leave though. Then, again one day I was working on my legs and I was just sorta day dreaming and not working out. Then, he came over and sat next doing nothing like myself. It wasn’t even incidental because he was right in front of me and left his workout sation and sat next to me. After I left that day my mom who came that day said “That man must be attracted to you because he never leaves your side when you’re at the gym”. I totally let the comment slide because myself never really paid close attention. Yes I do still go to the gym but it’s a few week busy I’m constantly busy with everything. People have always hava of saying after they’ve met me I was an intimidating person to them. Help any advice?

  14. @Abby……Okay. We understand your situation. But what’s your question exactly? Are you worried that you’re too intimidating to this guy? Are you wondering how to get a conversation started with him? Are you wondering why he’s not talking to you? In general, it would be ideal if he initiated some sort of conversation, not you. Then again, have you even said hello to him? Does he know your name? Do you know his? That might be a good place to start. Could you ask him a workout question? Something like that.

  15. @OneoftheGuys,
    My question is yes, am I intimidating him? Also am I just reading into this wrongfully?

  16. @Abby…As you can tell from the amount of question on this topic, it’s tough to tell if he’s interested or just being friendly. Or if it’s just some coincidence that he happens to work out near you. To us, it sounds like he’s interested. It’s hard for us to say whether you’re intimidating or he’s just shy or not confident enough to talk to you. With that said, to be less intimidating, we’d suggest breaking the ice by saying hello. Maybe introducing yourself. Ask a workout question, or something like that. However, from then on, he needs to be the one to initiate and move it forward. If he’s not confident enough to talk to you then he’s not the kind of guy you want to be with. Seriously.

  17. Hello everyone,
    I was wondering if you could help me understand my situation a little better. There is a trainer at my gym , first time i saw him he opened the door to let me in, to which i replied with a Thankyou. That was the first and last time i spoke to him, it was only a Thankyou from my behalf. I have noticed him watch me train many times. He talks to other people i know about me. I never make eye contact with him i look away and avoid meeting up or crossing paths whilst walking. He does make eye contact but i look as though i didn’t notice or look away. I have a good rapport with all the other trainers, he is the only one who i hasn’t initiated a conversation. But that is all sweet with me, i dont mind not talking, but this looking does bother me. What must be going on his mind. Thankyou for taking your time to read this.

  18. @Melisa…..What exactly is your question? Are you wondering if he’s interested in you? (Is that what you want?) Or are you trying to figure out a way to make him stop staring? Fill us in.

  19. I’d like to know how to stop it. Also what does his behavioir indicate in your perspective. Why must he be doing this?

  20. @Melisa……He’s behaving like a guy who’s attracted to a woman, but who is also intimidated by her. Throw in the fact that he also works at the gym and he’s a bit disoriented and confused as to how to deal with you. He’s trying hard to be professional so he’s not talking to you for fear that it will be obvious that he’s into you. However, he doesn’t realize that you’re more perceptive than he’s giving you credit for, and that his professional behavior is actually kind of creepy. How do you stop it? Well, what if you approached him and said hello. Asked him to help with you with something? Break the ice. We’re not saying flirt with him, but more, make him see that you’re not this intimidating woman. Maybe this will bring it all out in the open and he will stop his staring. That said, are you attracted to him? Is that why you’re trying to figure this out?

  21. @OneOfTheGuys
    Thanks for the response. Really helps me understand the situation better. He is a good looking guy, has got the attention of the ladies. Honestly, i am not pretty or anything close, so i never considered the attraction part, i see no point. Thats what got me wondering why out of everyone would he look at me, there are soo many better girls out there for him. I’ll try starting a casual conversation and see if anything changes.

  22. @Melisa…..You’re welcome. It’s hard for us to say exactly since we don’t know either of you personally, but he’s certainly acting as if there’s something about you that he finds attractive. When you talk to him, just be casual. You’re trying to break the ice, that’s all. After you do that, let him initiate conversations/contact in the future. That way you’ll have a better sense of where his head’s at. ps. Last thing. There’s another possibility. He could be a total player and have a giant ego, in which case, he could be thinking that you’re checking him out and digging that. We don’t think that’s the case but it’s always good to consider every angle. Good luck and have fun.

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