What does he want?
Posted by One of the Guys on August 5th, 2010and was filed in Relationship Advice: Question/Answer, relationships with 14 responses, what do you think?
Dear Guys,
So I’m 18 and so is this guy. I work with him and he asked for my number. We’ve been texting/talking for about 5 days now. He always asks sexual joking questions and always texts me 1st. I was thinking he was a player but he’ll also talk to me about personal stuff. And when I did tell him to go talk to an airhead (blank) girl instead, he was like nahhh. So I don’t get him. What does he want? Please and thank you!
Blake
Dear Blake,
Thanks for writing.
What does he want? He wants you. It’s pretty clear.
We realize this young man is 18, but that still doesn’t excuse his behavior. Since when can’t a guy pick up the phone and actually call- NOT text-and be direct??!!
“Hey Blake. Would you like to go out to dinner?”
or
“Hey Blake. I’d like to take you out.”
Guys have fallen into this bad habit of going for a sure thing. They nibble and they prod, hoping to get the answer they need before they take the plunge. Guys of all ages do this. But there is no such thing as a sure thing. Life is risky, and this guy needs to step up to the plate and take a real swing.
So to answer your question, yes he likes you, but if he continues this game playing, because it surely is just that, do you really want to deal?
Good luck. And keep us posted.
THE GUYS
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Tagged with: 18 • dating • dating advice • girls • guys • relationships • sexual jokes • texting
My instincts tells my ..his a little player, definitely not sure of what he wants, and perhaps testing the waters…… glad you did ask for other people’s opinion… He probably does like U but maybe needs a bit of coaching to woo a lady .Personally, I would love to tell him to go hang up his phone…….. I mean tell him to get lost ..This should hopefully give you the time and space to engage in much more productive activities
What does he want? Time will tell, unless you ask him first.
My advice is be direct. I am so not into sms’ing and advise my clients not to be either.
Next time he texts – don’t answer.
When you see him and this flirtatious behaviour continues… say to him something like – “if you want to ask me out, just ask me.” Of course depending on how much you like him, you might even say “Would you like to go out with me this Friday?” Most likely he’ll say “yes” so be prepared for the date.
Suggest something that costs next to nothing – maybe a walk at the beach at sunset or a local market wondering around.
Also be prepared if he doesn’t say ‘yes’. Be cool and not bothered (at least in front of him – and not surprised.)
As my dad would say ‘keep it casual!’
Wishing you success in love!
Considering your age(s) which definitely can be factored in the matter of experience, I think he’s playing, testing the waters so to speak. He’s not mature enough to express himself in person. And he probably wants to avoid getting hurt or embarrassed. So he’s trying to play it safe.
I don’t really see anything wrong with that. You should have fun. You guys are young. Why try to get into anything serious at your age when you’ve got a long, long way ahead of you and plenty of time for that later? Just have fun and keep safe.
I think that it is very common that people in this age group are very dependent on texting and they don’t seem to understand how impersonal it is. That said, even if he truly doesn’t understand it’s not the best way to communicate, that doesn’t mean that the recipient of the texts has to put up with being contacted in such an impersonal way. I think that Cathy has it right, keep it casual and don’t text back.
You know what’s sad? I’ve had guys in their late 20′s, early 30′s play these games too! MEN! Like the Guys said, this guy is just testing the waters and checking to see how you feel. He doesn’t want to stick his neck out and get hurt. It’s an era of spineless men right now and I feel for any of you single ladies out there!
Enter your comments here…
Feeding dogs and commenting via iPhone is not the best plan.
I think she is too mature for him. I think he is interested, but not for anything serious, maybe just a fling.
Life is a risk and we have to be willing to take the risk. Sometimes it yields rejection and other times it yields a lifetime of rewards. Sometimes you will get back just a sense of confidence you didn’t have before you took the risk. I hope this young guy will be able to be direct with you and take a chance at going for a sure thing.
They’re both 18 right? Probably Blake’s friend doesn’t know what he wants or lacks the experience and maturity to voice out what he wants; therefore his actions can be misinterpreted.
Enter your comments here…
The 18 factor is a BIG deal here. I work at a major university with >5500 freshmen incoming every year. This generation is predominantly text-driven! Us folks in Higher Ed worry about their ability to communicate verbally.
As the mother of a 25 and 16 year old(s) guys, I can attest to the fact that texting is a CONSTANT practice. If we want to eat in peace I take those D*@ phones away.
SO – it could just be culture shift.
Peace, C-Mom
I agree with you Guys. It’s obvious he wants her. Too bad he won’t be upfront about it and just ask her out on a date.
The young man is just that…young At 18, the maturity level in the ability to get it right when it comes to asking a girl out…not to mention the fear of rejection is most definitely at its highest point of inexperience.
The sexual jokes may be a way of him getting information about you in the field of whether you are in for a casual date or a serious date`
Texting these days allows for a certain security blanket in that no eye contact has to be made when communicating.
It would not hurt to skirt around the issue with a hint…such as…oh did you try and call..OR …i hope I gave you the right number. If she is really interested, there is no law saying she herself cannot make the move forward.
He clearly wants one thing from you, he is not your type so just ignore him, he has a lot of growing up to do,