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Some recent questions:
My boyfriend is Indian and I am a Chinese/Indian girl. We have been going out for 5 months. He does not hide our relationship from friends on Facebook, but he hides it from his family members. He told me his family members know about us, but his mother got mad at him for posting photos of the two of us just smiling together and having lunch together. Since his mum got mad at him, he’s hid his relationship status on Facebook so he won’t get into any more trouble.
What should I do? And what does this tell you?
Thanks for your question. But our question to you is: What does this tell YOU?
As we’ve said in previous posts, hiding a relationship is usually a big red flag. Read this previous post. In your case it sounds like your guy cares about you, but if he’s succumbing to pressure from his mom—enough to remove his relationship status from Facebook so he won’t upset his family—we don’t see this boding well for the future.
Typically guys with a little bit of a backbone stand up immediately to their parents and say, “This is the woman I love and the woman I plan on being with. So get over to it.” Your guy isn’t doing this. In fact he’s afraid of getting in trouble. We’re not sure what that’s all about? If he’s old enough to be in a serious and committed relationship he’s old enough to stand up for himself. Sure, we realize there are certain expectations for him to marry an Indian girl, probably of his parents’ choosing, but he still should be making his own decisions about his life. If he’s not going to do this then you need to ask yourself if you want to be with a guy whose parents are going to dictate what decisions he makes in his life.
We think you need to start assessing and asserting what you want, and what you need. It’s best to do it sooner rather than later. If the relationship continues, you don’t want to feel resentful down the road that you no longer have a “voice” in any decisions.
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