Why is my boyfriend hiding me from his family?

Hey Guys,

I’ve been with my first very serious boyfriend for a year and a half now, we have a seven year age difference. I’m 23, and he’s 30. He is a divorced and has a child from his first marriage. I love him dearly and have accepted him and moved on from the baggage issue. His family knows about us; however the problem is that his older sister, whom I have not yet met, seems to not know.

While snooping through his email—which I know is wrong and a breach of privacy—I realized that in an email to the sister he had sent her a list of items to bring from overseas. (Things for his son, himself, me, and the ex wife.) My issue is, what he ordered for me (two pairs of shoes) he listed under the EX’s name! His ex knows about us too, but I am hurt that he would not acknowledge me to his sister. I’m hurt that these very petty things keep coming up at this stage of the relationship. I’m hurt that he has pretended that my stuff is what his ex has asked for. (The fact he is still getting her things is another issue on its own). I don’t know what his behavior means and don’t know how to approach it without spilling the beans on my spying. As I said, he is my first real love, he is the first guy I’ve been intimate with and I’m not prepared to leave him. I want this to work but for everyone to know who I am. Please help!



Dear Stephanie,

Thanks for your question. Clearly you’re looking for more reassurance from your boyfriend that he’s as serious about the relationship as you are. And we understand that it would be validating for you, if your boyfriend told his older sister about your relationship; but it doesn’t mean the opposite just because he hasn’t yet. (Maybe he’s waiting to tell her face-to-face? And he doesn’t want to have to explain in an email or via phone.)

But let’s talk about your snooping. Why were you snooping in the first place? What gave you cause to mistrust your boyfriend? And is this something you do on a regular basis? If so, why? It seems to us that you’re feeling insecure in this relationship and we’re wondering where that’s coming from. You, him, a specific event, or some combination? Because you’re right, if you had no good reason to snoop—meaning, you didn’t suspect him of cheating—there’s no way you can admit to doing it. Something to think about. Please enlighten us. (This process may help you as well.)

We agree with you that he seems a bit too emotionally connected to his ex. Sure, they need to have an amicable relationship in order to raise their son in the healthiest environment, but ordering her items from Europe seems a bit over the top. (Of course if they are friends—which is actually better than being enemies; for you as well—then this is what friends might do for each other.) That said, sometimes it’s necessary to put up clear boundaries in order for each spouse to move on and rebuild their lives. It’s not fair to their present partners either. (Meaning, you)

Some of your insecurity Stephanie, probably stems from two sources: Your age difference and stage-of-life difference. The fact that he’s already been married, has a child, has an ex-wife, has been working for a while, possibly makes you feel like he has a step up on you. It doesn’t need to, but that’s pretty typical, and that’s why it requires even more trust and communication to make these types of relationships work. He needs to reassure you that he indeed is very serious about you and doesn’t feel above you and you need to let go of some of these worries and trust that he loves you. Otherwise you’re going to be in for more confusion, resentment, and heartache as this relationship progresses.

Stephanie, if you’re constantly feeling inadequate, unsure, worried, suspicious, and upset, on a regular basis, that’s something you need to consider. We’re not saying this relationship can’t work, but sometimes if a relationship is a constant struggle, it’s just not worth it. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

So you need to start talking to him more about some of your fears. Try not to overwhelm him—he’s got a lot on his plate already—but he does need to know that you’re feeling uneasy about things. (It doesn’t even have to be specifics.) But remember, since he’s at a different stage of life, he may be looking for a relationship that’s easy. And if this gets too complicated for him, he might bail. And this is what we mean. Just be careful not to compromise everything you want out of a relationship to be with this man. Seriously. He’s got a major head start on you. If he’s willing to slow down and work with you so you’re both on the same page moving forward great; but if he’s not, that’s something you really need to think long and hard about. Either way we wish you the best and hope this gives you some perspective.

We’d love hear your thoughts on this and get some answer to our questions so we can offer a few more opinions. (If you want more!?) Also, feel free to ask as many follow-up questions as you’d like.

Take care,


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Other posts on the topic of hiding a relationship:

Boyfriend hides our relationship

Why is he hiding our relationship from his family? 




20 Comments on Why is my boyfriend hiding me from his family?

  1. I’ve known this guy for about 2 and a half years, our parents are friends and wanted us to meet. Before I had formally met him I had seen a picture of him and was immediately attracted to him, not to mention he was smart as hell. Once we met, we began a friendship, but the chemistry we had would sometimes read there could be something more. While both of us were away at school we kept in touch every blue moon. If we were both in town, we would hang out. Never kissed, never crossed the “friendship line” but I Did like him a lot. And sometimes his actions would say the same. However, he remained respectful. Maybe a year or two after we met I had met someone and started dating them. I would hear from (Rx dude I’ll call him)still every once in a while. By then I had found he Rx dude would be moving closer to me. He said that I could come down anytime, but I never did. I started to really like the new guy. But little did I know Rx dude later asks me if I wanted to take our friendship our the next level (excited? oH I wanted to be…) but I was already liking the new guy, and I didn’t want to disrespect myself or them meaning I wasn’t going to talk to the both of them. So Rx and I just decided to stay friends. I continued seeing the new guy, Rx would still call me every so often, but a little more often than before. This summer we met up once again, by this time I had stopped seeing the new guy (found out he was still legally married but going through a divorce…and I didn’t have the time nor the energy or patience to deal) Rx and I talked and were catching up.I told him I jokingly I was upset with him when we talked about our friendship because he was saying all the right things, just the timing was bad. A few weeks passed and some friends and I were going to be going to the same city he lived in. He offered for us to stay at his place, he was going to be back home. While I was there I thought about him a lot and started to like him a little more. I found some things, nothing shocking, no large porn collecti!
    on or we
    ird collages of Madonna. It was just obvious that he had a lady friend. Which was cool with me, we were only friends. When I got back later that week we went back to his city to help him move, just the two of us. One of the best road trips ever. I kept telling myself we are Just friends, even though I Really liked him. I was cool with being friends, didn’t want to rush or make anything something it wasn’t. While at his apartment, we were laying down together spooning I guess(that’s the kinda of stuff I’m talking about “affectionate actions”) moments later we were kissing. Who set off the fireworks? It was amazing. We didn’t have sex, but the kiss was with so much passion. If you had seen us you’d swear we were on a honeymoon. This lasted for hours, then we headed back home. I didn’t feel weird, I did like the fact that we kissed. I loved it. And it was obvious he did too, we talked about it on the way home. A few days later we talked and expressed to each other that we had liked each other for a while, but I came to learn that he had previously gotten out of a relationship. And still had feelings for her, I understood that. So, I suggested that we just remain friends because I didn’t want to get involved in any rebound situation. That night we talked until 6am (I felt like I was back in high school) and I agreed to go with him to return the moving truck. Things were cool, until we started kissing again. And honestly, I’ve never kissed a guy that made my feel like my heart was skipping a beat and I couldn’t catch my breath. I told him that we should stop to avoid things getting worse considering his baggage of feelings for his ex. Moving onto now he’s moved again and we are in different cities, same state. We only talked twice since he’s started his new job and I started mine. I miss him, I miss my friend. It’s annoying because I think about him all the time. But, I refuse to chase him. Shit, I’m HOT!!!! (no exaggerations here) And I know my worth and if he REALLY wanted to talk to me he would and if he w!
    ants to
    be apart of my life then he could. Plain and simple. I’m kind of over it now,I do still have feelings for him. We share a lot of things with each other, and talk about any and everything. I can be myself with him, I’m comfortable around him. But there’s this weird cycle we have where were talk then we don’t talk…I’m into him he’s not that into me. He’s into me but I’m not that into him.But we still remain friends. It’s weird, it’s frustrating. When we’re together, it’s the best times. But now I’m living my life doing my own thing, but I do catch myself thinking about him and if he’s going to call. I know when he gets in town he’s going to want to hang out. And at this point, I just might be unavailable (I don’t want to fall into the cracks of “I only call you when I’m in town and I want to hang out”-Whew! that was a lot. I just want to know am I over thinking?, am I being in denial? should I reach out to him? WHAT?! Being that our mothers are really good friends it’s kind of hard not to hear about each other. Honestly, give me you’re advice and opinion.

  2. @Dani…..Well, your parents being friends certainly complicates things, but at the same time it makes it possible to keep the connection alive even when you’re drifting apart from time to time. Besides the one time he asked about taking the friendship to the next level, has the subject been brought up again by either of you? But let’s back up. Just the way Rx-dude asked you seems a bit..how shall we say it….non-committal. “Would you like to take our relationship to the next level?” It just seems kind of passive. Instead we would have liked to hear, “I really want to take our relationship to the next level. You’re so interesting, cool, and hot. How do you feel about that?” Now, that’s pretty definitive wouldn’t you say? And that’s what we’re getting here from him, and to a certain extent you. A lot of wishy washy feelings, and luke warm advances. So that says one of two things. 1. Both of you are unsure about the other. (Meaning, he’s not really as into it as you think.) or 2. Both of you are afraid to reveal your true feelings so it comes out luke warm. So here’s our suggestion. There’s nothing worse than regret in this life. You feel there’s strong chemistry, and this guy is worth pursuing, then why not take the risk and tell him how you feel? Yes, it’s possible that he won’t be as into it as you and then it will be awkward. But you’re adults. You can handle it. You weren’t hanging out with him before you were introduced, so you’d just go back to not hanging out again. But if he’s into it, it will be great. One other thought: It’s too bad he’s not a bit more assertive. We’re not sure if this is the situation or his personality. (We’re honestly getting a sense it might be his personality, which might not be a great match for you. We get the sense you like an assertive man.) But if he’s just unsure how you feel, your “confession” should be enough fuel to get him going. Then after that the ball is in his court. What do you think? No? Yes? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  3. Me and this guy started talking and I started falling for him, he told me he likes me, but all he seems to like is the idea of kissing me, whenever I see him he always keeps quiet and that freaks me out, I asked one of ma friends to ask him why and he said he’s not ready for another relationship, he said he quiet because he shy and quiet, and he wants to be friends with benefits, we so much in common….does he like me or not, is there any chance we’ll grow to be a couple…please help me out

  4. @Laura…..Guys are pretty straightforward, and they usually mean what they say. He wants sex, plain and simple. How do we know? 1. He say he doesn’t want a relationship. 2. All he wants to do is kiss you, not talk. 3. He asked you straight up if you want to do a FWB. 4. It’s unlikely he’s going to want to take you out on proper dates. (He’ll want to hang at one of your places.) Serious relationship don’t typically grow from FWB. So we’re not encouraging this. Usually what ends up happening is the woman gets hurt because she’s hoping more will develop. Does this help? We hope so. Ask as many follow up questions as you’d like. And keep us posted what you decide. ps. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  5. So for the last 4 years I’ve been with my fiancé. I’ve always been faithful. We have had our issues but always seem to work it out. We also have 2 beautiful children together. Last night we got into another fight so I left and called my ex boyfriend. I asked him to hang out and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex.. Driving home I felt so sick to my stomach. I couldn’t even sleep when I got home. I’ve always been honest with my fiancé and to keep this from him would eat at me. We are best friends and lovers. I have no clue what to do. The sex didn’t mean anything and honestly was awful. Please help!

  6. @Naomi….We’re sorry. Can you give us some more details so we can help you sort through this? For example: Have you leaned on your ex before? Was there something particular about this fight that made you want to call your ex? Do you and your ex talk still? Do you plan on marrying your fiance? When? Do you plan on telling him? Or, what do you plan on doing? Tell us more so we can give you our honest opinion. Hang in there.

  7. Thanks for the reply Guys, it was great…

    Well yes you could say that, reassurance that although he has had a life before me he is still willing to put in the hard yards for our relationship. I must admit, since I sought your advice the situation was more or less sorted… I asked to see the email and he opposed, eventually admitting he ordered my stuff under the ex’s name. He said that it was all done under good intentions, that if he had told his sister who it was for, she would not have felt comfortable bringing me the things as she doesn’t know me yet. Fair enough. My argument was this: I completely understand her, but if that’s the case, I prefer nothing. Long story short, he assured me he would clarify that my specific items were meant for me and that was that.

    Now, about my snooping. I snoop because I want to know who he really is and if I can truly trust him. Of course, I’m answering my own question by doing this.. As of late, yes I do it regularly because I know he alters stories here and there to avoid hurting my feelings. I do it because although his past is his past, I like us both to share our experiences with one another as a way of knowing each other better, and I feel like his ex marriage is a big black hole which can never be explored.. And I feel, very wrongly, that snooping behind his back gives me the power to find out things to ease my own peace of mind without anyone getting hurt.
    I also justify my actions by the fact that I am a fresh slate and he has no baggage to worry about on my part, whereas he has all this past behind him and if we are to genuinely consider marrying one day (which we do), I want to know exactly who this person is. He knows me, my life and my past inside out and I want to know the him the same way. Its easy to say ‘just communicate and ask’, and I do, but he always gives me a brief story or brushes it off. I don’t think he realises how important it is for me to feel that I know him completely. I’ve stopped asking because he jokingly implies I whinge… which is a stage I never want to get to!

    In regards to his relationship with his ex wife, he did order items for her, which he assures she is paying for herself. At this stage I’m not sure it makes any difference. His sister and her know each other well and are friends on Facebook, I don’t understand why they couldn’t cut the middle man out and order directly off each other? I didn’t go into this much detail with him during our confrontation because it was getting heated and I didn’t want to go on and on. I feel, and have told him many times before, that I’m one reasonable girlfriend for not screwing up his relationship with his ex and in turn with the son and I’d just like a bit of consideration where it matters most.
    Also, an update on that situation. His sister is about to arrive from overseas and will be meeting with the entire family over the weekend, something that my boyfriend invited me too, so that I can meet his sister. As I’ve said before, I’m fully aware the ex has an established relationship with his family from years ago before I was ever in the picture, and they seem to be close with her and of course keep in contact because of the son, but.. My bf mentioned that the ex will be at this family reunion as well to see his sister and that he’s asked her to leave in the afternoon so that the son can go home and sleep. I caught on straight away that the main reason would be so that I can arrive with him in the evening and do not bump into her – its only logical. Being the thoughtful girlfriend I am, I told him not to worry and to let the ex stay as long as she wanted, that there was no rush in meeting his sister and that it would only be an awkward situation if the ex left and i suddenly appeared 20 minutes later. Not classy at all. Is it wrong that I feel second place? Yes, she will always be the mother of his child, but where do I fit in? Do I need a scheduled time to attend family reunions? Please slap me and tell me if I’m overreacting about this..

    You’re right, I do feel that he has major advantage over me because off all his experience. I’ve never been an insecure person and I hate feeling this way but can’t help it. I feel that to me, he’ll always be my number one but to him, he’s been there and done that – and our ages and life stages are no ones fault. I’m all for communication but we’ve gotten to a stage where it seems he’s annoyed by so much openness and explanation, and I let things go in fear of becoming an overbearing partner. Speaking of inadequacies though, I’m not the only one. He knows I’m at a stage where I want to have fun, explore new and different things and I’ve sensed more than once that it makes him feel insecure, as if he’s not enough for me. That’s no where near true, I love him so much but just want him to level with me. He can’t seem to slow down his ‘life-stage-needs’ and consider that I don’t always understand or easily accept what he wants and how he sees things. Its been a year and a half and he seems to have plastered himself into this comfort zone where he doesn’t need to explain or communicate or reassure me anymore because I should ‘just know by now’. Thats not the case… because the more serious this gets the more direction I need – and theres nothing wrong with that!

    I refuse to bring up the same things over and over Guys, each time I do he rolls his eyes. I get that he has a lot going on, but it was him who pushed this relationship this far and quicker than it should have gone.. so he needs to deal with it. I just don’t know how to make him see that. And i don’t mean to sound like a lunatic, but he will not find anyone so understanding and accepting like me very easily if he decides to bail because things get hard.. He assured me he didn’t want to make the same mistakes he made in his first marriage and I’ve given too much for his to throw in the towel.

    Apologies for the essay I’ve written haha, your opinion was really helpful.
    Thanks Guys, take care!

  8. @Stephanie…Thanks for sharing more details. (Very articulate letter.) It all makes sense to us. The way you’re feeling. What you need. Why he doesn’t always give you what you need. Etc. As per your questions. We don’t think you should be second fiddle to his ex. In fact, quite the contrary. You probably should be second fiddle to his son, and if his ex is part of some particular event related to his son, then maybe she comes first in that situation, but other than that, he should be making you feel very much like you come first. Is he? One thing that really stands out here Stephanie, and it’s something that’s been on our minds. We know you love this man and are committed to him, but don’t compromise all your needs and desires and dreams to be with him, or to be with anyone for that matter. Maybe you only tell us what needs fixing, but we just get this sense that he’s set in his ways, and that he wants to make your world smaller instead of expand his. This is a fundamental difference, and one that shouldn’t be ignored. We’re not saying you need to make any sort of decision right now, but you don’t want to wake up a few years down the road and realize that you’re giving much more than he is. And then be resentful and regretful. (Sorry, we just had to say it. We hope it all balances out for you.) Thoughts?

  9. Stephanie // October 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm //


    Thanks, and I agree. In terms of the son, he and I have had countless conversations about where I stand and how I feel. The reason I say he won’t find someone like me easily is becuase I never had my father around and it’s affected me quite a lot (I’m an only child too), so my boyfriend knows I’m not about to come between a father/son relationship when I know how much it can affect you. So, I encourage him to see the son more, even if its around the ex, and to build a really strong relationship with him, when he’s older, he hopefully won’t resent his parents for not being together, around him, etc. So, the son is cool. But I can’t help feeling so freaking jealous about the ex wife..

    I don’t want to make it out like he’s a bad guy, he does make me feel good and loved but I’ve noticed since this comfort zone developed, its like he’s not bothered for all the pretty details anymore. Don’t know if its his feelings changing or its just natural?

    You’ve hit it right on the mark, the man MOST set in his ways that I’ve ever met.. And yes he does do that, try to make my world smaller rather than expand his. Just to give some examples: me going back to uni next year to become a journalist – he doesn’t really support the idea, he thinks there arent any jobs in the field anymore and that I’m wasting my time. ‘Wouldn’t you rather work full-time and save for our future?’ Going overseas with friends – he didn’t say no exactly (not that I need permission) but didn’t like the thought one bit. The truth is, he has an age complex. He thinks he’s expired and has to do XYZ before such and such time, and here I am this young thing who he’d love to marry and have a future with (all very beautiful) and he’s not about to let 2 more years go down the drain because she wants to become a journalist, or travel with her friends. Our arguments in the past have been based on the fact that he’s had his chance to travel (he moved to Australia from South America at 20), he’s studied and done all that.. Why he can’t understand that it’s my time now is still a mystery to me.

    I completely understand what you’re saying but I’m scared of facing the ugly truth that he won’t ever want to fit into my world, instead of trying to squeeze me into his.

  10. @Stephanie…….Your examples give more credence to our worries unfortunately. You don’t want to be kicking yourself down the road because you gave up on your dreams, or even interests, to be with this man, help raise his son—or just be part of his son’s life—and deal with his ex wife. He’s not intentionally trying to hold you back, but he can’t help himself. The two of you are at very different life stages. He wants you to fast forward and catch up to him, because he knows he’s not able to rewind and be with you. Like we said, maybe it’s not right now, but at some point you’re going to have to start making some difficult decisions. Keep us posted, and feel free to use us as a sounding board. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it. We’re relaunching soon, so be on the lookout for a whole new website coming very soon.

  11. Stephanie // October 17, 2012 at 2:30 am //

    Thanks a lot you’ve been really helpful. I’ve passed the site on to all the girls I know :)

    I’ll keep you posted.
    Take care

  12. @Stephanie…..Thank you. Take care of yourself.

  13. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 5 months, not long I know, but he has net my mom and is very good friends with both my siblings. (he actually thinks of them as his only “real” friends.

    First a bit of backstory… two days after i met him, he told me he had a secret which was that he has a little girl. He felt he should tell me, as he didn’t want to hide anything from me.
    Being part of the whole social-networking era, i searched him on fb and found a profile under his daughter’s name, which I at first thought wasn’t him, but it was. The profile stated he was married and there was wedding photos to boot.
    Needless to say, I was shocked and hurt, since this is the first guy I really liked. I decided to go forth with the relationship since he said he wasn’t with her anymore and I had a feeling it was a shotgun wedding since the girl is only finishing school this year and the daughter of a priest and priestess.

    I waited 4 months to tell him that I knew of this and he then told me that they were newly divorced before he met me. Now obviously my trust in him was shaken even more and after finding very recent pictures of him going to her prom as a favour, I confronted him and found out that he was hiding me at times and still sometimes presently.

    He says it is because of the fact that his divorce is still fresh and he is already in a relationship.

    Now as I said above, this is my first serious relationship and also he is my first love, kinda sad for a 25 year old but true. I don’t want to just let go, since I’ll be just another person in his life who has deserted him. I have no idea how to confront him on this.

    I’d love to meet his family and just feel included in his life. I don’t want to feel like a secret anymore…

  14. @Saki…..This is not about you being just another person who has deserted him, this is about what you want, and what you need to do to make yourself happy. If you truly want this relationship to go somewhere then you need to talk about all of this. He’s already told you he has a daughter, so why wouldn’t he be open to talking about your relationship? But our question for you: What are you truly upset about? The fact that he’s been married before or has a daughter? The fact that you saw wedding photos? Or the fact that you feel he’s not opening up to you? What is really going on for you Saki? The only thing that concerns us is that you are a rebound for him, and maybe he doesn’t see the relationship the same way you do. We’re just wondering, we’re not saying that’s the case. What do you think? We’d love to hear your thoughts/answers to all of this, and then we’ll share more.

  15. hi guys, thank you for the response.

    I don’t mind him having a daughter, if anything I wish so much I could meet her! What concerns me is him wanting me to share everything with him but he hides things from me.

    The thing that I guess bothers me, is the ex. Now that we can openly talk about her, I still feel as if he hides things from me regarding her, for instance, the night he went to her prom, he told me he was going to bible study.

    Now,I constantly wonder where he is, who he’s with and so on….

    Also when he told me he hides me and our relationship from people, he also said that he still had to act as her boyfriend in front of her friends since she couldn’t face the embarrasment of being a teenage mother and now a divorced teenage mother.

    He told me that its finally over between them, but the way he talks about her it seems she’s still trying to keep a handle on him even though the child they share would connect them forever already. i will honestly say that I am jealous of her, and sometimes feel as if I won’t ever be what she was to him.
    I have an issue with confronting people which is why I took so long to ask him about his marriage. i always keep it in rather. Confronting him about the prom thing led to a huge fight, which in the end made me feel guilty and stupid.

    Guess I’m pretty confused and I feel as if he’s going to think I’m just looking for a fault with him.

  16. @Saki….You say you’re 25. How old is he? And his ex? And we’re confused. He’s dating you, but going to her prom? Or did that happen before you? Part of what you’re dealing with is how open and fresh his wounds are. Maybe he doesn’t want to be with her, but that doesn’t mean he’s not hurting over the break up, divorce, and the huge change to his very young family. That’s a lot to deal with for anyone, especially a young man. You need to be patient with him, but at the same time stand up for yourself. It’s a fine balance. You don’t want him to walk all over you and feel that he can do whatever he pleases. At the same time, he needs time to heal, and piece his life back together. And a lot of what you’re experiencing Saki is bad timing. If he’s still pretending to be his ex’s guy, that’s an issue. Things would be much better if that relationship was clearer, and more in the past. Overall, you do realize this is going to be a long haul. He’s got a lot of healing AND growing up to do.

  17. he is 23 and his ex is 19. the prom thing happened just a few weeks ago. I’ve been thinking alot about how he is, and he’s a people pleaser, which is maybe why he went to it in the first place. I mean his friends walk over him all the time.

    Bad timing is the right way to assess this whole situation,I think. I’m going to work on standing up for myself while supporting him too.Guess also I am being too impatient.

    Thank you so much for some perspective. I’m referring this site!

  18. @Saki……You’re welcome. Yes, be strong and patient, a delicate balance. Keep us posted as things progress, and ask another question anytime. Thanks for letting people know about our site.

  19. Dear Guys,
    im stuck in a rut, even finding the words to describe my problem is difficult. i met my current boyfriend in eighth grade. we started “going out” toward the end of our freshman year we both attended the same high school although we didnt have any classes nor the same lunch together we did both have phones. we never hungout outside of school it was ALL texting. and from the very beginning a very bad habbit formed he would cheat, i would find out and break up with him then a few days later id take him back.
    Now the story changes a little, the first time we hung out was the end of sophmore year after taking a long break from one another. Since that day we were together every weekend up until summer when i basically lived with him and his family. the break we took during sophmore year i lost my virginity to my bestfriend so when it came to the summer that i spent with him he lost his virginity to me. everything was perfect he was the first boy i said i love you to and wether or not i ment it at the time it was still something special.
    After that what seemed to be perfect summer i moved two hours away to love with my dad. i called things off with him because i met someone new. and that first highschool boyfriend fough for me to come home to him and i didnt. we never lost contact with one another and after a year of him waiting for me to come home i finally did and by that time he was a different person. like usual we got back together. he took me back to his family (who wasnt to pleased with me after breaking their sons heart but they were still nice)everything was good until he cheated once again, i found out confronted the girl and broke up with him. the next time we got back together he started hiding it from his friends and family and continued to cheat this happened over and over, each time there was a different girl there was also a different story. so all his friends and family saw was a crazy ex-girlfriend who keep breaking up him and every girl he got with. what they didn’t know was that we never stopped seeing each other and it was him who was cheating which would cause the entire problem. all everyone saw was his side.

    i gave up, he gave up but like usual that didnt last long. he came right back with all the baby i love you’s and i want to be together and i took the bait.

    we are 18 now, still young but not little kids anymore and to top it off im 5 months pregnant. i have been fighting for this boy for 5 years now i know i caused him pain and heartache but i have never lied to him and am 100% faithful to him even if were not together and since i broke his heart all he has done is hide me from everyone like he is ashamed to be with me and whenever i bring it up he ignores me. i dont want to give up there has to be something i can do?

    what is your opinion on why he is this way and is there anything i can do?

  20. @Trina………The two of you might have deep feelings for one another, but something isn’t working. He’s got a long way to go before he’ll be ready to settle down in a committed relationship. (If he ever will) Yes, guys take much longer to mature, often not until their late 20s, early 30s. He’s nowhere near that point. He’s too interested in chasing as much “tail” as he can. He’s certainly not interested in a long-term relationship with you. Otherwise, he’d be a bit more considerate of your feelings. Trina, relationships are as much about timing as they are about love and commitment. The timing is off. He’s not ready. Yes, he keeps coming back, but it’s more out of habit than anything else. He also keeps cheating too. Our advice: Focus on preparing to have your baby. Hopefully he’ll want to be involved in his child’s life. (Babies need both their mother and father) And then you’ll just have to see. There really isn’t anything more you can do. He’s got to figure out the direction he wants to head in his life. Hopefully, that direction will include being involved in his child’s life, and your life. Thoughts? Any other questions? Ask away. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter: @TGPBuz. And share on Facebook. Please help a fellow reader and take a moment to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.

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