Dear Readers,

We recently received a question from a young woman who was worried about whether or not she was good in bed. Her boyfriend had been giving her some mixed-signals, and since she was inexperienced, she wanted to know what constituted good sex and bad sex, and would a guy rather have bad sex than no sex.

Since this topic seems pertinent to many of our readers, we decided to lay it all out here.

Sex Education

If it’s a choice between no sex and bad sex, a guy will choose bad sex every time. But understand that what is “bad” to one person, may not be “bad” to another. But, for the sake of the question, we’d like to generalize.

Usually when a guy says the sex is bad it’s because of three things:

1. The woman doesn’t seem into it. She just lies there. (It makes the guy feel lame.)

2. The woman doesn’t orgasm. (It makes the guy feel lame.) Are you seeing a pattern here?

3. The woman isn’t willing to experiment. She likes her one or two positions and is unwilling to try a few new things. (It makes the guy feel lame. And in this case, turned-off as well.)

But those are general points. Here are the specifics of what guys want.

1. Guys want fellatio. Oral sex is a big deal for guys. (Yes, a double-standard, because some guys won’t perform cunnilingus. That’s their issue, not ours.)

2. Sex is an addiction in the sense that guys need to keep upping the ante to be turned on. (Well, sort of.) Guys are pretty happy with the standard practices, but after they’ve had sex with a woman for a while they want to start trying new things. A few things on this list might be: Sex toys, videotaping, bondage, costumes, anal, fetishes. (The list goes on.) This doesn’t mean that they will pressure their woman to do all of these things, this just means they’re thinking about them. And if a woman is open to them, all the better. Note: She doesn’t automatically get cast into the bad sex category if she doesn’t do these things; but she definitely falls into the good sex category if she does.

Another note: We are in no way encouraging  any of you to try something  you’re uncomfortable with. You should never feel pressured. 

3. The woman is enthusiastic. And she makes the guy feel like he’s the best they’ve ever had. (Even if that’s not the case.)

And finally—because this topic is pretty straightforward—if a guy thinks a woman is hot and sexy, it’s likely he’s going to think the sex is good unless proven otherwise.

Like we said, every guy’s tastes are slightly different, but it all comes down to how a guy feels about himself during sex. If a guy feels like he’s satisfying his woman, sometimes that’s all that he needs.


Any questions? Ask away.

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