Thanks for reading. I just have a few questions and I think you guys can probably help me. I’m a young woman in my 20’s; I’m pretty confident in myself. I don’t have self-esteem problems or emotional problems. The only thing I have is an extremely high sex drive which I think is pretty normal for my age. I am currently engaged in a sexual arrangement with a guy. It’s what I call a “booty call.” I hit him up whenever I want sex; I think that’s where the problem lies.
The problem is I’m ALWAYS the one who hits him up for sex. This was fine at first because because I really wanted sex, but now I just feel pathetic. I mean he does show interest when I want to have sex and does sometime go through with it, but why Is it that I’m always the one who has to initiate? Should I just cut him off and move on to the next or am I just thinking too much. I just don’t want to waste anymore time and put in a good amount of effort towards someone who isn’t even important to me in the first place.
Thanks for your question.
There are four reasons why this guy might not be taking any initiative with your sexual arrangement.
1. He’s not that attracted to you.
2. He actually wants a long-term relationship with you and feels funny about your arrangement.
3. He’s not that into sex in general.
4. You’re making it easy on him. He knows he doesn’t have to do any work.
It’s hard for us to surmise exactly what’s going through his head based on the limited information we have, but if we had to guess we’d say it’s either #1 or #4.
But reading between the lines, it seems to us that there’s more going on here, as if this wasn’t just about sex, but that you actually like this guy and are wondering why he’s not reciprocating your affections. Is this true? Because otherwise, why would you care who initiates the sex if the goal is just to have a good time? That’s what guys do in this type of situation. They’re usually the ones initiating the trysts in a booty call arrangement or no-strings-attached sex arrangement. They have one goal in mind: To get laid. So as long as the woman is agreeable, they could care less who initiates. That’s why we’re wondering if you’ve developed feelings for this guy and you’re not acknowledging those feelings. That’s something to consider.
If this is the case, we think you need to either talk to this guy about your feelings and see where he stands, or extract yourself from your arrangement. (You might want to watch our video on the topic of “Friends with Benefits.” ) Typically, these types of arrangements don’t transition into anything more serious.
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