The Guy’s Perspective

I read a recent post from one of my blogging friends, The Love Skeptic. It was a fun description of her New Year’s eve escapades with a great guy she met. Visit her blog to read the details.

However, after it was all said and done, nothing every transpired beyond that night. She said it was a matter of demographics…..a difference of demographics that is.

That got me thinking. Is that really true? And is it true for guys the same as it is for women? Do we really care about demographics when it comes to dating?

It reminded me of that Seinfeld episode where Jerry tries to date a cashier, who just so happens to be pretty attractive. What makes that episode so funny is that this female cashier comes to one of his shows and thinks he’s not funny at all. Jerry then visits her the next day at her job. Here’s how it goes down.

Cashier Girl: I can’t date you anymore.

Jerry: Why not?

Cashier Girl: I saw your show. You’re not funny. I can’t date someone I don’t respect.

Jerry: You’re a cashier!!!

So funny and so true. Generally guys don’t care what a women does for work, or how much money she has in the bank. If he’s attracted to her he’ll go for it. Of course going for it, is likely to mean, getting her in bed and nothing else, but that depends on the guy. He’s just as likely to bring home the girl who works at the comic store as the girl who works at the law firm.

Having said that, I do believe it’s much easier to date someone with a similar background including  race, religion, class and education. But from my experience, those things matter much less than similar values, morals, humor and common sense. THE GUYS and I agree on this.

But where do the women stand on this?  It seems that security is often cited as a predominant factor for finding Mr. Right. Which is what often leads to short, bald guys with large wallets, walking around with six foot models from Eastern Europe. But do our women readers really care about demographics or race when choosing a mate? Please do tell!!

And for the rest of the GUYS who I haven’t consulted, what’s your take on all of this?

As for me, I’m married to an RN, which of course is short for Registered Nurse. But as far as I’m concerned she could just as easily been an RC……
Rodeo Clown.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Dear Guys,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year. He’s great in all ways except one. He spends a ton of time at his job. I mean more than most. It seems he lives and breathes his job even when he’s not at work. He’s always answering a text or talking business on his cell, even when we’re together on the weekends. He tells me that he can’t afford not to answer his phone. I’m somewhat OK with it now, but I’m concerned for the future. I know he’s trying to get ahead, make money and secure a good future for himself, and hopefully, US. I work too, but I’m able to leave my job and not think about it until I go in the next day. So my question is, how do you see this playing out if we got married and/or had kids? I’m worried.

Chelsea

Dear Chelsea,
No reason to be worried, yet.

This situation is not really that uncommon. Many men define themselves by their work, or by how much money they make. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It is what it is. And sometimes work does require a ton of time, especially if it’s his own business.

What men ultimately want is respect. We especially want respect from our peers. In high school we get respect by being a good athlete or for dating a cute girl. But as we get older, what we do for work becomes a bigger factor on how we define ourselves. So sure, your man is trying to get ahead and make some money, but his work obviously makes him feel important and respected in his community of peers.

So here’s what we’ll say. Try to be understanding of what he’s trying to do. It sounds like he’s putting in a lot of time now in hopes that it will pay off later. Be patient and supportive. However, you can absolutely ask that he not answer his phone during dates or the time he’s out with you. Lounging at home is one thing, but out on a dinner date, or any date with you, his phone needs to be off and tucked away. (Unless you discuss and agree on something different before the date.)

Projecting into the future is difficult. His behavior could continue forever. If he’s not someone who can appreciate the here and now, you may be getting what you’re seeing. This wouldn’t be good. But lots can change, especially if you have kids. People change and priorities change. If he wants to be a dad, he’ll want to spend more quality time with his family.

So factor in the whole picture and see if it works for you. That’s ultimately the only way you should make the decision. But before you do, please talk to him about your concerns. Sometimes guys are oblivious. He may have no idea you’re feeling how you’re feeling. It’s time to stop being the good girlfriend and make sure  the relationship is working for you too.

He’ll respect you even more if you sit him down and talk to him “man to man.”

All the best,

THE GUYS

For relationship questions, or any question concerning males, email us at:
advice@theguysperspective.com