The Guy’s Perspective

Trust in the Modern World by Saelen Ghose

In a world where we are all connected by the touch of a button or the click of a mouse, trust is declining faster than the oil spilling out beneath the ocean floor. It seems counterintuitive to think that as the world becomes smaller, we trust our fellow humans less, but it’s happening before our very eyes. It’s possible we just don’t like what we see.

Information isn’t dispersed anymore, it’s shot out through one of those T-shirt launchers on the “juice.” A kid can’t forget his lunch box at school without it being on the news. And the news is no longer just newspapers, magazines, television and radio. It’s also blogs, forums and every social networking site on the web. We are inundated with information, and this plethora of news, accurate or not, is causing us to live inside little bubbles, creating even more divisions within a country already divided by politics, faith and ethnicity.

I’m not saying ignorance is bliss. It’s not. I’m also not saying we should return to the days where information was disseminated by horseback, or by young boys yelling the headlines in crowded city streets. However, too much information has a paralyzing effect on us and causes us to question everything and everyone. And overanalyzing sure takes the fun out of life’s adventures.

Let’s examine the sports world for a second. I don’t trust anything I see anymore because every time there’s a feel good story, there’s another not-so-feel-good story behind it. Take the summer of 1998 when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa battled for the most storied record, possibly in sports history. What a magical summer that was!! That is, until it was tainted by admission of steroid use. In fact, now I question every one of the great sports stories in the last ten years because I just don’t trust what I see anymore.

It only begins with sports, but it’s part of every facet of our lives. The news tells us of predators lurking at every corner, and politicians having affairs, and corporations lying to the world. And we don’t receive just the basic facts about these events, but all the lurid details behind the facts, reported over and over and over. We never have to worry about missing something either. If we miss it the night it happens, we surely won’t miss it the next day, or the next week. It’s news to match the fast pace of our lives, but it’s overkill.

Now don’t call me a hypocrite please. I realize you’re reading this in the newspaper and that’s a good thing. I’m not complaining about news sources, but more how we process the news and what we do with the information. It’s important for us to be informed and up to date with what’s happening in the world. But let’s start thinking for ourselves again shall we? Isn’t that what we try to teach our kids; not to let peer pressure guide them? Haven’t we all said, “Would you jump off that bridge if Johnny or Sue told you to?”

But here we are ignoring our own advice and letting everyone tell us how to think. And what’s the common theme in this message? Don’t trust anyone. Those OTHER people are bad. They don’t look like you, they don’t think like you, they don’t pray like you, so they must be bad people. Stay away from them and keep to yourself. And we are all guilty of this paranoia. Sure it’s normal to gravitate toward people that are similar to us, but how do we know how similar or different they are without actually having a conversation?

Technology has provided us the power to reach anyone on this planet in a matter of seconds. But this technology can only introduce us to the world. We actually have to leave our houses and explore for ourselves in order to take advantage of that introduction. And surely that’s a lot more interesting than sitting behind our desks.

So if you see me out and about in the world, stop and say hello. I won’t bite. Trust me.

The Parent Gig(Episode 5): Trust in the modern world [ 5:48 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Please leave a comment and share your experiences.

“The second time around” by Saelen Ghose

I missed the world the first time around. I was too busy trying to unearth myself from the grips of fear, insecurity and doubt. That excavation has taken forty years and then some, and I’m still brushing off the dust, finding new nooks and crannies in my forever evolving self. And honestly, I never even realized I missed it until I had kids. They’ve opened my eyes to a whole new world.

Why else would you have kids? They’re loud, they’re smelly, they break things, they don’t listen, they run when you want them to walk, and they walk VERY slowly when you need them to hurry. All in all, kids are kind of difficult to have around.

But seeing the world through their eyes is a blessing for me, or for any person brave enough to take the leap into parenthood. Kids marvel at the smallest of things; a dragonfly resting on a cucumber vine, a frozen crystallized ornament adorning the kitchen window after a cold snowy night, a huge splash from a funny belly flop, a first lick of ice cream, or simply a person with an interesting face who looks different from them. All of these things kids enjoy simply because they are things to be enjoyed. Kids don’t have an agenda or a bag of learned tendencies, they see the world for what it is, and that’s something all parents get to learn the second time around.

I have no memory of any of these simple experiences from my childhood. I remember lots of stuff, some good, and some not so good. I remember the bully at school taking my favorite baseball hat and tossing it in the air, only to have it land in a car that just happened to be driving by. I also remember the look on the bully’s face when he saw the look on my face, both of us realizing that my hat was gone forever. He was as mortified as I was sad. I remember my first crush that wasn’t reciprocated. And I remember my second one that was. I remember getting picked first in kickball games during elementary school, and making the baseball team in high school. I even remember losing an arm wrestling match to the girl who lived two houses down from me, and then spending the rest of the day crying under my desk in my bedroom. I also remember getting a rematch and beating her two years later. All of these memories, plus many more, were vital in shaping the person I am today, but they aren’t the little things that my parents probably remember.

My kids are young, but I know they will have their own set of experiences that will forge their personalities and lead them on their own path to self-discovery. They already are, and those experiences are just part of the larger human experience. But while they’re focusing on the big picture, I’ll be picking out the little things and making mental notes. Or when my brain isn’t able to remember everything, I’ll jot them down in a journal, or take a picture, or capture them on video. All of these moments will help remind me that every moment I have on this planet is precious. And I’ll thank my kids for teaching me that, something I should have learned the first time around.

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression of me when I jest about kids. I love mine unconditionally, no matter how many gray hairs have grown on my head because of them. Sure they are a handful, but they are a lot of fun, and certainly my life’s biggest blessing. But getting to see the world simply for the wonder of it all, may be the best gift they’ve given me.

Now I’m wondering what it might be like the third time around. It’s an intriguing thought. Grandparents often say they have it the best. They can enjoy the little ones for a time, and then hand them back to their parents as they go on their merry way to whatever golf outing, town meeting or bus cruise they’ve got planned. What a concept that is, and I think it’s probably true. Every round of life we experience, we’re better able to sift away the less important aspects and focus on the nuggets of gold and other precious moments that we didn’t, or couldn’t see before. Wow, it makes me all giddy just thinking about that next round.

Nah…..forget that. What’s the point in fast-forwarding life? I’m having too much fun right this very moment.

_____________________

What are you learning the second time around?

What did you miss the first time around?

Read in the newspaper

The Parent Gig(Episode 3): The second time around [ 5:06 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Here’s the rundown of our show:

Pet Peeves: Sai sees the cup as half full and makes the best of it.

Ask the Guys: Reflections on race and dating.

Father stories: The honeymoon dilemma and Daddy Day Camp.

Stream of Consciousness: Suckers to soccer by way of France.

THE MEAT: If good fences make good neighbors, can good neighbors make good meatballs?

Our podcast review contest is still going on. We’ll be wrapping it up in two weeks. We still need a few more reviews before we pick the name randomly of one person who’ll get a piece of our merchandise.

Please join in. Thanks!

And don’t be shy. Share a “Father Story” with us, or ask us a question.

TGP Podcast Episode 6: Dribbling, Dating and Dilemmas [ 42:29 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This post is not about kids. It’s about what motivates people, and in particular, GUYS! But I have to set the table for you. So pretend you’re at a party and people start talking about their kids. Inside you’re rolling your eyes, because nothing could be more boring than hearing people go on and on about their kids. Even the people who HAVE kids can’t stand it. So bear with me here. I’ll unfold this quickly.

I was at a party last night with some of the GUYS. A few of us were discussing our kids’ obsession with the Wii. (For those of you living in a cave for the last five years, the Wii is a gaming system that has swept through every household containing one or more small beings.) Anyway, I was saying that I use the Wii as a carrot, to get my kids to do all the things I want them to do. Now let’s be clear, I can get them to do all of those things without the Wii, but it eliminates the freakin’ whining, complaining, crying, whimpering and any other “ing” word you can think of.

This method of parenting is not in any book about raising children. BUT, we all know that theory is much different than practice. I can guarantee that every parent with the means has used the TV at least once, as a way to get their kids to stop screaming, running, yelling or beating on each other. (There’s those “ing” words again!) And more importantly, give themselves a much needed BREAK!!! That’s not written in any of the books either, but when you’re in the trenches, you do what you need to do to survive.  All in moderation.

Anyway, like I said, this post is not about kids.

So I’m at the party and I’m “reading” the room. I could have filled a glass with all the water coming out of people’s eyes during that discussion about the Wii. So in order to save the night I open my big mouth and say, “This is exactly the same as when GUYS are hungry for sex.”

Silence……uh oh……I did it again…..crickets……..uncomfortable body movements…….then one slight smile……another……..one head bob in agreement…….then more crickets……a few look aways…….no more signs of  approval ……damn…….still nothing………..shit, I ruined the party……..my wife is going to kill me……..we’ll argue……but who cares……….the make up sex will be great………oh god………..take me away Calgon……….finally someone chimes in……….I’m saved……. (note to self, KILL other GUYS)

“Exactly,” I hear this person say. I don’t know him. He’s not one of THE GUYS, but I immediately love him and want to buy him a gift certificate to his place of choice. Or give him a big guy hug. (See previous post for explanation on why I didn’t go that route.)

I look around at some of THE GUYS, with that look that says, “WTF DUDE! WHAT…you don’t got my back?”

Then finally one of  THE GUYS says, “When I want sex, my wife could basically ask me to do anything and I’d do it. Take out the trash. Clean the dishes. Put the kids to bed. Take out the neighbor’s trash. Go to the pharmacy to pick up a late night prescription. Promise to visit her folks next weekend. Take out the other neighbor’s trash.”

His wife is in the bathroom. I make a mental note to tell her everything. I don’t like to get left high and dry. (Seems like an appropriate metaphor for the topic at hand.) Payback will be sweet. Although, like he said, he won’t care because men are in an altered state when the hormones are raging and their bodies are churning inside. When this happens, GUYS can be controlled by any remote available. Easily programmed and then easily manipulated by any button our partner wants to push.

This is no secret!!

It’s just something people don’t bring up at parties. Well, most people that is. But hey, somebody had to save the night, and it might as well been, “ONE of THE GUYS.”

So what am I saying? I’m not saying what you think I’m saying. It’s never a good thing to make it obvious you’re controlling someone. So be subtle about it. We don’t do well if we know that you know. So just be coy about it, and we’ll pretty much do what you want.

So mommies… Let your kids play the Wii. It is pretty cool. And it might be a good time to get reacquainted with your hubby. That is after he takes a shower. That’s a lot of garbage to be taking out.