The Guy’s Perspective

Readers please note: In addition to answering relationship questions, THE GUYS will also be fielding parenting questions. If you’re looking for an objective view about a parenting situation you’re having, we are happy to offer our humble opinion. Don’t consider this advice per se, because we certainly have many questions ourselves about being parents. But we—”our collective parenting experience”—might be able to offer some insight into your problem. And if nothing else, it’s another opinion for you to consider.

So ask away. Don’t be shy.

And now:

“Holiday Expectations” by Saelen Ghose

Originally published in The MetroWest Daily. 

We store our fine china in a sealed cabinet deep down in a temperature controlled room. We call it, the basement. It’s there that it sits until once or twice a year, we pull it out gently—like transplanting a fragile seedling to safer and more nutritious soil—so we can eat a holiday meal with the grace and dignity it so deserves.

That is until one of my kids has a temper tantrum and ends up spending the entire meal roaming the house like some nomadic vampire, mainly because he’s been snacking on—or more like gorging on—the various bowls of chocolates adorning our home this time of year, and the sugar levels in his bloodstream have hit historic highs, causing the rest of us—mainly his parents—to silently curse the entire candy industry, and ourselves. (That very long sentence is an example of what candy will do to you. Daddy has his own secret stash.)

Holidays are about family. They are about giving and receiving. They are about time spent with loved ones. But holidays are also accompanied with the expectation that everything will be perfect. The perfect gift. The perfect dinner. The perfect table settings. The perfect decorations. The perfect family. And especially, perfect children.

We all know that perfection is best left to “those” magazines in which airbrushing has become an art form. Because perfection has no place in everyday life, especially in a house like mine, containing three, very loud and messy children—now with their own opinions (darnit!)—and a puppy who considers everything in the house to be her very own personal chew toy.

My house is a zoo. So why my wife and I think that all of a sudden everyone is going to tow the “perfection line” once the holidays roll around is beyond me. Actually we don’t really expect it, but we maintain the hope that maybe, just maybe, our kids will give us the perfect gift of perfect behavior for possibly a day or two. But I know that’s unrealistic. We might be able to pull out the china for a day or two to spice things up, but it isn’t like we have a stash of well-behaved replacement kids in a locked cabinet somewhere in our house. (No, really, we don’t. Although, at times, I wish we did. )

And then comes gift giving. Every season my wife and I go on the hunt to find gifts our kids will love. We try not to get caught up in the hoopla, but it’s hard not to. Since we don’t keep our kids locked up, they inevitably are confronted with the world of advertising. On billboards, TV, radio, and all forms of public transportation, these messages are beckoning our children to want more, whether overtly or subliminally. I’m sure even the saltine crackers I’m munching on at this moment contain messages for me to digest, one salty treat at a time.

My wife and I should know better than to actually think we’re going to be successful in our hunt for the perfect gift for each of our children. Inevitably someone is disappointed. And please, spare me the, “it’s the thought that counts” garbage. We get it. And yes, we try to downplay material giving. But in today’s world kids have a difficult time focusing on sentiment when they’re faced with friends telling enchanted stories of new cell phones, video games, i-touches, and other slick gadgetry. The holidays represent keeping up with the Joneses to the utmost degree.

So parents have two choices: lower expectations or up the ante. I for one am all about lowering expectations—I never said low expectations—because lowering expectations can help take away some of the pressures to “keep up” which can ultimately lead to a more fulfilling life. And during the holidays, when families come together to celebrate, the expectation for everything to go smoothly is totally unrealistic. In fact, the atmosphere is so charged with hyper intense energy that the table is set–so to speak—for anything and everything to go wrong.

So this holiday season how about we get rid of all expectations? Let’s throw them out with the china. Because life doesn’t come with guarantees of perfection. It’s messy and full of suprises, served on old dinner plates made from hard work and sweat.

Happy Holidays to all.

Saelen Ghose is a syndicated columnist for Gatehouse media. He is currently working on a parenting book that fuses tales of his childhood—growing up with an Indian father and New England mother in Cleveland—with his own parenting challenges and questions.

Contact Saelen at sghose@theguysperspective.com if you would like help writing your own memoirs. Saelen also writes obits. 

“Magic of the holidays” by Saelen Ghose

Originally published in: The Cleveland Plain Dealer and The MetroWest Daily 

Magic is the art of lost and found. It’s the craft of manipulation where matter disappears and then reappears right before our very eyes. Magic has been around forever, and it never ceases to amaze and delight us, but sadly it’s missing in our everyday lives.

Recently my daughter said, “Daddy, is Mickey real?” She was referring to none other than Mickey Mouse, fueled from a recent trip to Disney World thanks to the generosity of my in-laws.

I said, “What do you think?”

“Well, my friend at school said Mickey’s not real. But I think he is because he has a tongue.”

I almost laughed out loud, but instead I said, “What do you mean?”

“Donald and Goofy don’t have tongues. How can they possibly eat without tongues? But Mickey has a tongue, so he can eat. He must be real. And anyway, he’s magical.”

I smiled at what I thought was pretty solid reasoning for a six-year old.

With Christmas fast approaching my kids have been discussing Santa Claus in some detail. They are getting to the age where logic is starting to impose its will on the magical world of reindeer, sleighs, and the North Pole, and in turn, I’m getting peppered with questions I’m ill prepared to answer.

“Dad, how does Santa deliver presents to every house in the world, all in one night?

“Dad, wouldn’t the sleigh be too heavy for the reindeer to carry all those presents?”

“Dad, how big is Santa’s bag? It must be bigger than our house?”

And then the worst of all, “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”

At this point I’m still able to parry, feint, and disengage, because why in the world would I want to answer any of these questions? Why would I want to take all the fun out of a very special time of year? This approach goes against my usual parental instincts. Typically when my kids ask me questions I try to give detailed answers, exploring every nuance so they can really understand the subtleties of whatever concept or topic they’re trying to understand. But for Santa questions, and any other magic related questions, including the tooth fairy and other cartoon characters, I use what therapists call a redirect. I say, “Hmm. I don’t know. What do you think?”

Magic is far more involved than pulling rabbits out of a hat and making coins appear from behind an unsuspecting ear. Magic is much bigger than some guy wearing a wrinkled tuxedo and a black top hat, providing entertainment during birthday parties, or business holiday outings. Magic is directly or indirectly involved in everything we can’t explain about our world. Magic is the mystery that makes life so interesting, and keeps us guessing even as we discover more and more about the ins and outs of the universe.

The concept of magic lives large in kids, but for most grown-ups it’s considered part of a world we left long ago to pursue more serious endeavors like careers and families. As we get older it gets harder to believe in things we can’t touch or see, even if we understand they exist—like the tiny microscopic particles that are in front of our very eyes every day. Sure many grown-ups have spiritual and religious faith, but do we really believe in things we can’t imagine? Do we ever really suspend belief and not try and come up with a logical explanation for life’s events? Do we ever consider that magic might be at work, connecting the dots and making it all work out the way it’s supposed to? Is the world really just coincidental?

Everyone says the holidays are all about family coming together, and for the most part that’s accurate. But I think what makes the holidays extra special is the magic that surrounds it, breathes life into it, and makes it come alive. Viewing this through the lens of my children is special and fun, but I’d like to get to a place where I believe it all again too, because a world filled with Mickey, Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and any other fantastical creature, is a world that’s a lot more enjoyable than the mundane one I function in.

As a parent with many responsibilities it’s hard to suspend belief for too long, otherwise my kids will go hungry, the bills will go unpaid, and the car will run out of gas. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to keep some semblance of order in my chaotic life as a dad, and often wonder if I was put on this planet solely to cook, clean, and grocery shop.

What I really need to do is sit back and listen, because it’s those funny and interesting conversations with my kids that remind me that the world is so much bigger and more wondrous than I can even remember. And if I want to recreate this magical world for myself, I need to allow myself a few moments to wonder, and imagine the possibilities, and maybe, just maybe, allow myself to feel the magic once again.

Please share your insights into this topic here in the comments section. How do you answer these difficult questions? Do your kids still believe? Do you believe in magic? 

Read more of Saelen’s stories of fatherhood and parenting here at The Guy’s Perspective.

Contact Saelen for help with your memoirs. sghose@theguysperspective.com

Read article in The MetroWest Daily

“The upside of no sleep” by Saelen Ghose (Follow on Twitter @saelenghose)

For all you parents out there feeling sentimental about your kids growing up, I have an instant cure for you to try: Let one of your kids invite nine friends over for a birthday sleepover. Yes, in one short—I mean, one very long—evening you too can be cured of all your sentimentality. In fact, I can guarantee that, at least for a few months, the only thing you’ll be sad about is the bus being late to pick up your kids for school.

When planning a party of this magnitude there is much that can be controlled. What kind of food will be served? What activities the kids will engage in? And where will everyone sleep? (Our basement was now off-limits due to a recent musty odor that emerged after we lost power for three days in the October snowstorm. This glitch parked the entire party crew in our living room.) What is impossible to control is the weather.

The morning of the party I drove around with a smile on my face as I finished up some last minute errands. The day was sunny, the roads were refreshingly empty, and I rolled down the windows to let a warm wind blow through my hair. (I’m kidding…..I shaved my head recently.) I enjoyed watching the leaves floating down from the trees, creating tunnels of color for me to drive through. But as the party hour grew closer, the sky darkened, and my mood followed suit.

As kids arrived it began to pour. But that was in no way a deterrent for them as they ran outside to play “kill the carrier” on the muddy lawn. (So much for my weather worries.) This is a tackling game where everyone piles on the kid with the ball. And I’m sure it’s not the kind of game sanctioned by the majority of parents that had entrusted us with their children for the night. Nevertheless I let them continue as I monitored for excessive force and various underhanded blows. My biggest concern was that they were all getting soaking wet and the party had barely begun.

Although we survived the tackling game without a scratch, blood was drawn soon after the party migrated inside. The boys started to whack each other with plastic bowling pins, unbeknownst to my wife and me. I quickly bandaged up the injured partygoer and told them all to get changed. We were headed to the actual bowling alley to enjoy the arcade.

Big parties are not my cup of tea. My son’s party reminded me of my own disastrous birthday sleepovers as a kid. I remember one particularly unsettling party when many of my treasured possessions got smashed by the “cool guys” that I insisted on inviting. I can still remember to this day, crawling deep down into my sleeping bag with tears in my eyes, wishing the party would just end.

But these parties do serve a purpose, at least for parents. They inform us. They give us an insider’s view on what our kids are thinking about. I was surprised at how open the boys were about a variety of topics even though I was loitering nearby. They especially talked a lot about girls, expressing who they thought was cute, and “hot”— their words—which made me laugh inside. It was amusing to see which boys were truly interested, and which boys were only pretending to be interested so they could fit in. And I especially loved seeing where my son fit in this spectrum of interest.

We made it through the night without any serious incidents. Collectively we all slept about two hours, but every guest left with a smile on his face. And my son might have had the most satisfied smile of all.

I said to my wife during the course of the night—when things were getting particularly loud—that we wouldn’t be doing this again. But now that I’ve had time to reflect, and rest, I’m kind of rethinking it. Sure, these parties are torture. It’s like being trapped in a room with the sound of fingernails scraping across a chalk board in perfect sync with Village People’s, “YMCA.” But missing a night’s sleep to get a firsthand glimpse into my son’s world might just be worth it.

Saelen Ghose is a syndicated columnist for Gatehouse Media.

Are you working on your memoirs? Do you need ghostwriting support? Saelen also writes memoirs and obits.

“Upsetting the Pumpkin Cart” by Saelen Ghose  (Follow on Twitter: @saelenghose)

My 10-year-old son announced he wants to trick-or-treat with his friends this year. This upsets me. I mark time in two ways: my yearly tax appointment during school February vacation and our traditional family trick-or-treat outing every October. I look forward to both of these events because even though they are very different experiences, each gives me a sense of continuity from year-to-year. Now my son wants to upset the pumpkin cart and change it all, and I’m just not ready.

My kids are growing up fast. Fifth grade is more than halfway to the day my son might leave to further his education. And ten years old is close enough to those dramatic early teen years where my love for him won’t change, but on certain days I won’t like him very much. Where does this leave me? It leaves me with two or three more years to enjoy our family time before my kids make a mass exodus and leave their parents in the dust.

These rumblings of independence I know are normal. I remember from my own childhood how fun it was to scamper around the neighborhood with just my friends, trying to fill our bags with full-sized candy bars—much bigger than the “nuggets” my kids come home with today—and other Halloween treats. My parents let me go without their supervision, probably because they knew my lust for candy would keep me out of trouble. (Who has time to knock over pumpkins or scare even younger kids when there’s business to conduct?) I took my “task” seriously because I knew I would be comparing loot with my brother and sister soon after I arrived home. After dumping the contents of our bags on the living room floor, we’d sort everything and then start counting. The victor would get bragging rights for an entire year, which was pretty sweet for me since I was the middle child and rarely got to boast about much, due to my precarious position in the birth order.

When my son announced his Halloween intentions this year my wife and I gave each other the “eye-roll.” She and I agree that we need to give him more space and allow him more freedom. But before that happens we also agree he’s in sore need of an education. Not that he’s not getting a fine one in school, but he needs the kind of education they don’t cover in the classroom, primarily because there’s only so much his teachers can do within the confines of four walls.

So at the end of this past summer we began to educate him on a few topics we felt he lacked some basic knowledge in—knowledge that he would need upon entering fifth grade. Sure this is arbitrary; every parent needs to decide what information their child needs, and also when they feel comfortable conveying this specific information. The best I can say is we took our cues from him. After hearing countless stories at the end of last year about the bus and playground, and also recently hearing certain words coming from his mouth— words that we knew he didn’t learn at our house—we felt it was time.

Of course our initial conversation led to other conversations which led into other topics that maybe we weren’t quite ready to discuss with him—like contents of R rated movies and You Tube Videos, school gossip, and the like. But the conversations were positive, because not only did we get to peer into his world, he also got a glimpse into ours, which only further strengthened our connection with him. Naturally, after he received all this new information and felt emboldened by it, he was ready to go trick-or-treating without us.

I realize my job as a parent is to parent myself out of a job. I know I need to teach values, lead by example, and give my kids opportunities to think for themselves so they can make their own decisions and mistakes and grow from them. And hopefully by the time they’ve gathered and digested all of this information they’ll be perfectly capable and functioning people. On paper this all makes perfect sense, but when you’re in the trenches it’s a lot more difficult, because letting go of the reigns means giving up control; and without control I no longer can determine outcomes, even though I intuitively know that trying to control anything is an illusion.

My wife and I haven’t decided what to do about Halloween this year. I think we’re comfortable allowing my son to go trick-or-treating without us, but I don’t know if I’m ready to let go. I realize today’s world moves faster than the world I grew up in, but I think my son is just going to have to deal with a sentimental dad who wants him close for a few more years.

Please leave a comment. Share your experiences. Thanks!

Read article in: The Cleveland Plain Dealer or The MetroWest Daily

Pride in the uniform

By Saelen Ghose

In first grade I knew I was going to be a baseball player. I knew it in my bones and I knew it in my mind. And if you stood close enough to me, you could smell the scent of leather, dirt, and grass oozing from my pores.

The only conclusion I can come to as to why I believed I was headed for the “bigs” was the uniform. Something about that special outfit made me think I actually belonged in baseball’s elite fraternity. I can certainly see it in my own children as the don their uniforms with such pride it makes me smile inwardly. It transforms them and makes them feel special.

Spring is upon us, and baseball and other sports activities have started for many of our kids. And in some circles, youth sports get a bad rap. It is true that sometimes the balance between just being a kid, and becoming the next professional athlete, can get thrown out of whack. But playing sports can also teach important life lessons, and contribute to physical well-being.

As part of a team our kids learn how to contribute AND be accountable. They learn how to lose gracefully and win even more gracefully. They learn actual athletic skills. They get exercise. They deal with the gamut of emotions that sports bring. And they hopefully have fun.

As a kid I didn’t want to limit these feelings to just the ball field, so when my parents gave me my very own uniform, the summer before first grade, I decided come fall, I was going to wear that uniform every single day to school.

In fact, and this is the complete truth, I did wear that baseball uniform to school every day! I mean, every single day!! On Fridays I would hide the uniform in my bottom drawer of my dresser for fear that if I put it in the dirty clothes bin, it would not be washed and ready for school on Monday.

For some reason I never noticed that all the grass and dirt stains were gone every Monday. My mom later told me that she used to sneak in and grab the uniform and wash it every weekend, and then carefully put it back right where I had hidden it. That’s very funny to think about now.

But what’s really amazing is that my parents actually let me wear that uniform every day. I mean, what did the other parents think?! Did my folks have to endure the stares and recriminations of other parents at the school? Or maybe they just didn’t give a hoot. Good for them I say if that’s the case.

What I take from my parent’s example is, let kids be kids. As a parent I need to learn how to separate from them. I need to be able to just sit back and soak them in. I need to understand that they are going to make mistakes and that’s part of how they learn. And I need to be involved, even if it’s just by observing, because the days may go very slowly, but the years pass ever so quickly.

So let’s enjoy our kids this spring. Let’s enjoy them as they laugh with pure joy at reaching first base, even though they got there by a “Base on Balls.” And let’s enjoy them as they score a goal, even though they play in a league with no goalies. Or let’s just enjoy the fact that they’re happy and enjoying the moment, and not worry whether they’re properly preparing to get a Division 1 scholarship. And finally let’s enjoy them as they wear their uniforms with pride, understanding they are a part of a team; something bigger than themselves.

But as I watch my kids, I’ll also be thinking about my uniform. It represented unbridled love, passion, and all the possibilities life had in store for me. I can still to this day, feel every fiber of that uniform. And as I close my eyes, smiling and remembering, a few layers of stress fall away, still smelling like leather, grass, and hope.

_____________________________

What is your opinion on youth sports?

Do you have a special childhood memory that you’re reminded of when your kids play sports?

The Parent Gig Episode 6: Pride in the uniform [ 4:39 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Thank you listeners for your support over this last year. While we’re putting together a bunch of new shows we thought we’d replay a few memorable moments for you.

We start off with a Pet Peeve segment from Episode 9: Food Porn, Friends with Benefits, School Dilemma. Gordon Ramsay may be evil.

Next we continue with Father Stories from Episode 4: Endings, excess, and envy Sai makes amends with the neighbor.

Next up The Truth. Cucch brings a stumper with three stories about social media from Episode 15: Getting played, The Truth, India

We conclude with THE MEAT. Cucch shows how much he knows about football. Well, kind of. Episode 11: Customer Service, football, and listening

If you’d like to ask us a question about guys, call us at: 347-855-GUYS(4897). Also call if you’d like to share a Father Story, Pet Peeve, or leave a comment.

You can also ask us a relationship question, which we’ll answer either on our podcast or on our Ask the Guys page.

And leave us a five star review on itunes. We’d appreciate it. Thanks!

TGP Episode 35: Memorable moments from episodes 1-34 [ 33:55 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Cucch and Sae share results from the latest poll: Must haves for the weekend.

Go to The Guys’ Network to view results. Topping the poll was: Making Sweet Love. David Duchovny, of the hip Showtime series, “Californication” has an opinion on the term “Making Love.” Click the link to listen to his quote. Listen to the show to hear Sae’s opinion.

Some other choices for the weekend were:

Playing sports, cooking, spending time with the family, drinking a cold libation, etc. Even our President is getting into the weekend action.

In Father Stories Sae shares a story about his daughter Maya, which brought up a larger question for both Cucch and Sae. As our kids mature, and get older, how do our roles change as fathers? Cucch shares a story of his own.

Next, Cucch and Sae answer your relationship questions in the Ask the Guys segment.

Courtney asks: Is he into me?

Teresa asks: Am I too young to wait out my long distance relationship?

If you have any relationship questions, dating questions, or general questions about guys, leave us a note on the Ask the Guys page, or give us a call at: 347-855-GUYS. We’ll try to answer them on our next show, or on the Ask the Guys page. And be sure to read some of the archive. We’ve been asked a lot of interesting questions.

InThe Stream of Consciousness we spin the big wheel just once, and it falls on Stripping. Who put that up there?!! Suprisingly, both Cucch and Sae have a lot to say on the topic. Or maybe not surprisingly?

In THE MEAT we discuss creative date ideas. From indoor picnics, to rollerblading, we share what’s worked for us in the past, AND present. Because it’s important to keep dating even when you’ve been together a long time.

For other creative date ideas check out these great sites.

The Art of Manliness

Nifty Date Ideas

All Swagga

If you haven’t had a chance to leave us a review on itunes, we’d certainly appreciate it if you did. (Five star reviews are most welcome. Thanks!)

Enjoy!

[podcast_display]

TGP Episode 31: Date Ideas, A Father's Changing Role, Awkward Strippers [ 59:23 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Read in the Newspaper: MetroWest Daily

Is more better? by Saelen Ghose

The phrase 110% has become a staple in our culture. I’m not sure who coined that phrase and why they felt it necessary to add an extra 10% to an already conclusive number, but this sentiment of “more is better” has become all pervasive in our culture, and is wreaking havoc on all of us.

I always thought 100% was enough? Doesn’t it connote entire, total, maximum, whole, all in, and complete? But now for some reason, it just doesn’t cut it.

Sure, I get it. People use numbers as a way to emphasize how committed they are to something, whether it’s a project at school, an upcoming game, or even a relationship. It’s about conveying effort and interest, and showing they’re invested and willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. That’s all fine and dandy, but truly 100% would do it.

Exaggeration has always been part of our culture. Storytelling is an art form introduced on playgrounds across the country, nurtured at home, and consummated at all social and work gatherings throughout adult life. Storytelling allows news and words to become malleable, and gives people flexibility to include their own perspective in the retelling.

However, is more really better? Consider the documentary “Super Size Me,” where Morgan Spurlock, an independent film director, eats only fast food for three months. What happens to him? He gains 24 pounds, his cholesterol explodes, and he suffers from liver dysfunction and depression. It takes him fourteen months to lose the weight from his experiment, and even longer to recapture his pre-filming health. This is just one example of how more is actually not better.

Kids also have to deal with this issue. They are exhausted and overwhelmed trying to keep up with the frantic pace of school and activities. And the pressure to excel is great. It’s not enough to get 100% on a test, but what about the extra credit? It’s not enough to play on one soccer team, but now they have to play in the town league, the travel league and on a club team. The examples are endless and this trend is a recipe for complete burnout.

Let’s think about 110% for a minute. Is it really better than 100%? I would argue no. What if your cup is 110% full? Wouldn’t that mean it’s spilling all over you, or on the floor? And if this were the case, you would have a big mess to clean up, which in fact might diminish the percentage of your enjoyment down to about 50%. All of a sudden 110% doesn’t seem so attractive.

We need to rethink how we define what’s good and move beyond assigning a number to it. Being good is more qualitative than quantitative. It’s about being kind, considerate, thoughtful, compassionate and altruistic. It’s about trying hard, but understanding that maximum effort doesn’t always lead to successful outcomes. As the Rolling Stones say, “You can’t always get what you want.” And that’s a lesson worth teaching, but one that gets missed a lot in our entitled culture.

Sure, more IS sometimes better, but it shouldn’t be the way we run our lives. So let’s start by putting an end to this 110%! I’m no genius, but I know when my cup is full and when it runneth over.

The Parent Gig(Episode 4): Is more better? [ 4:57 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Please leave a comment and share your experiences.

“The second time around” by Saelen Ghose

I missed the world the first time around. I was too busy trying to unearth myself from the grips of fear, insecurity and doubt. That excavation has taken forty years and then some, and I’m still brushing off the dust, finding new nooks and crannies in my forever evolving self. And honestly, I never even realized I missed it until I had kids. They’ve opened my eyes to a whole new world.

Why else would you have kids? They’re loud, they’re smelly, they break things, they don’t listen, they run when you want them to walk, and they walk VERY slowly when you need them to hurry. All in all, kids are kind of difficult to have around.

But seeing the world through their eyes is a blessing for me, or for any person brave enough to take the leap into parenthood. Kids marvel at the smallest of things; a dragonfly resting on a cucumber vine, a frozen crystallized ornament adorning the kitchen window after a cold snowy night, a huge splash from a funny belly flop, a first lick of ice cream, or simply a person with an interesting face who looks different from them. All of these things kids enjoy simply because they are things to be enjoyed. Kids don’t have an agenda or a bag of learned tendencies, they see the world for what it is, and that’s something all parents get to learn the second time around.

I have no memory of any of these simple experiences from my childhood. I remember lots of stuff, some good, and some not so good. I remember the bully at school taking my favorite baseball hat and tossing it in the air, only to have it land in a car that just happened to be driving by. I also remember the look on the bully’s face when he saw the look on my face, both of us realizing that my hat was gone forever. He was as mortified as I was sad. I remember my first crush that wasn’t reciprocated. And I remember my second one that was. I remember getting picked first in kickball games during elementary school, and making the baseball team in high school. I even remember losing an arm wrestling match to the girl who lived two houses down from me, and then spending the rest of the day crying under my desk in my bedroom. I also remember getting a rematch and beating her two years later. All of these memories, plus many more, were vital in shaping the person I am today, but they aren’t the little things that my parents probably remember.

My kids are young, but I know they will have their own set of experiences that will forge their personalities and lead them on their own path to self-discovery. They already are, and those experiences are just part of the larger human experience. But while they’re focusing on the big picture, I’ll be picking out the little things and making mental notes. Or when my brain isn’t able to remember everything, I’ll jot them down in a journal, or take a picture, or capture them on video. All of these moments will help remind me that every moment I have on this planet is precious. And I’ll thank my kids for teaching me that, something I should have learned the first time around.

I don’t want anyone to get the wrong impression of me when I jest about kids. I love mine unconditionally, no matter how many gray hairs have grown on my head because of them. Sure they are a handful, but they are a lot of fun, and certainly my life’s biggest blessing. But getting to see the world simply for the wonder of it all, may be the best gift they’ve given me.

Now I’m wondering what it might be like the third time around. It’s an intriguing thought. Grandparents often say they have it the best. They can enjoy the little ones for a time, and then hand them back to their parents as they go on their merry way to whatever golf outing, town meeting or bus cruise they’ve got planned. What a concept that is, and I think it’s probably true. Every round of life we experience, we’re better able to sift away the less important aspects and focus on the nuggets of gold and other precious moments that we didn’t, or couldn’t see before. Wow, it makes me all giddy just thinking about that next round.

Nah…..forget that. What’s the point in fast-forwarding life? I’m having too much fun right this very moment.

_____________________

What are you learning the second time around?

What did you miss the first time around?

Read in the newspaper

The Parent Gig(Episode 3): The second time around [ 5:06 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Overwhelmed by Saelen Ghose

Lately I’ve been having this strange sensation. After leaving the house and arriving at my destination, I say to myself, “Did I remember to wear pants?”

Seriously! I actually check myself to see, bracing for the screams that will most surely commence from shocked onlookers. After a tense moment of anticipation with no screams, I realize that once again, all is under control, and I do in fact have pants on.

I’m not sure what this is all about, but it’s somewhat alarming. And it seems to be part of a trend, rather than an isolated incident. It’s probably due to the fact that my head is so overwhelmed with life I can barely remember getting out of bed, let alone putting on pants. Like all of you, I’m trying to juggle a family, a job and my own personal journey, with not enough time in each day. This is tough to do, very tough.

So many sweet moments come and go every day and I’m panicked that I’m missing them, as if I’m driving down a highway lost in thought, unaware of the mile markers whizzing by me. To me, that is a TERROR far scarier than walking around without pants. Because memories are what make the moments last forever, giving us an endless replay of all of our experiences. And what else will I have to do when my eyes are so shot I can’t even check to SEE about my pants? At least I’ll be able to close my eyes and remember.

So it’s time to “restart” my brain and remove the clutter. But that’s harder said than done. See, I have this never ending TO DO LIST that grows with each day and occupies such a huge space in my cranial cavity. But what if I just chucked the actual list? That’s right, you GASP! But why not? I’ll just chuck it and let things resolve themselves organically. I mean do I really need to write down, “Buy Bread?” And I bet after it’s gone, the ghostly shell that I’ve become will fade, and my former attentive self will join the rest of the Homo Sapiens on the planet.

And if that doesn’t work and some sort of sacrifice is required, I’ll gladly hand over my pants. It seems like a small price to pay to enjoy a few new memories. And why not BE PRESENT in a life chocked full of precious moments to savor.

“Mommy why isn’t that man wearing pants?” Cut to SCREAMS!!

What would you be happy to sacrifice in order to be more present in your life?

Read article in newspaper:

MetroWestDaily

The Parent Gig(Episode 1): "Overwhelmed" Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Happy Holidays everyone!

We start off with “Hot or Not.” We give our ratings on: eggnog, snowmen, getting gifts, holiday cards, novelty tunes, and much more.

We then move into “Father Stories” where Sai shares a story about altruism, and Cucch shares the latest trend in gift giving with “Heifer International.” Now you can give a cow as a gift!

We finish with “The best gift ever.” Our listeners and readers share their favorite gifts they ever gave….and received.

Enjoy this great time of year.

THE GUYS

If you want to ask us a question, leave us a comment, or just say hello, call us at: 347-855-GUYS(4897). Or contact us through our website at theguysperspective.com.

Help us out and leave a review on itunes. (Five stars of course!) And when we hit 60 we’ll be drawing for a prize of 2 Thumb Drives filled with all our podcasts. Keep one, and give one to a friend. And then use the drive for whatever you’d like. It’s our two thumbs up challenge!

We do our best to bring you a quality show every week, so consider sponsoring THE GUYS. Click the “Sponsor” button on our website. Thanks so much!

TGP Episode 23: The best gift ever [ 47:34 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Happy Fourth of July!

Written by “One of the Guys”

Summer holds a sacred place in the hearts of men. The warmth changes our perception. We feel empowered to turn possibility into reality. We play as if life weren’t as complicated as it is. We act like children, exploring the endless adventure that summer is. Beaches. Mountains. Bike Trails. Ball games. Amusement Parks. Bars. Barbecues.

As we prepare for our adventures, we lather on sunscreen, trying to prevent the streams of wear and tear on our faces from turning into rivers. We don a hat and the coolest pair of sunglasses we can afford, throw every possible accessory we might need into the trunk of our car, and head out to discover what we can discover. Or more aptly put, be open for what might discover us.

Summer is the season for improv. It’s the time we let life lead us instead of forcing the issue. And that alone makes it special.

But not me. No, my summer looks quite different from that. I’ll be doing Daddy Day Camp.

When I realized that I would be home with my kids all day,  I went into a panic. Yes, I love my kids unconditionally. I spend my days and nights trying to figure out ways to enrich their lives. But spending twelve hours a day, five days a week with three active kids was not something I was ready for.

I knew I would need some structure, so I formulated a plan in the form of Daddy Day Camp. If you’re not familiar with this term, it’s really quite simple. When dealing with three kids who specialize in being hungry all the time, forgetting to use the bathroom when it’s available, fighting over anything and everything, and throwing their stuff all over the house, you need something to stop this endless cycle.

My wife said, “Just get one of those big blow up pools. You know, the kind big enough to actually swim in. They can play in that all summer.”

I said, “But that would mean I have to supervise the whole time. That kind of  defeats the purpose really. I need stuff for them to do so I can get some of my own work done. I need more balance.”

She said, “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks Honey.”

So I instituted Daddy Day Camp.

The first day the kids and I had a meeting, where I handed out the daily agenda.

My middle guy said, “Dad this is summer. You’re not the boss of us. We get to do what we want!”

I said, “Where did you hear that nonsense? I’m the boss until you turn eighteen, or until you’re big enough to ignore me and then back it up. For now let’s go over the agenda.”

Number 1. Wake up. Eat a healthy breakfast without complaining.

Number 2. Practice piano, karate and anything else dad says to do.

(Kids are already rolling their eyes.)

Number 3. Tennis lessons with me. (They have that “OH NO” look.)

Number 4. Read. Draw. Or do something quiet so dad can work.

Number 5. Lunch.

(By now their eyes are coming out of their heads.)

Number 6. Quiet time in your rooms so dad can work. (They’re glancing at each other, so I have to throw them a bone.)

Number 7. Wii time. (Only if you’ve been quiet with no fighting.) (Yeah, right!)

Number 8. Play a sport or go on a field trip.

Number 9. Free time. Hang out time. Relax time.

Number 10. Early dinner.

Kids: Dad, this is going to be the worst summer ever!!

Me: Why, what’s wrong with the plan? It sounds fun to me.

Kids: It’s terrible.

Me: What’s wrong with it? You get to do a lot of cool stuff. We’ll check out some museums. We’ll go to the arboretum. We’ll play sports. I don’t see the problem.

Kids: The problem is, this is not what summer is about!!

Me: No? Well please enlighten me.

Kids: Summer is about fun. It’s about doing nothing. It’s about sitting in front of the TV or playing video games. It’s about shooting baskets without being instructed on the proper way to shoot a jump shot. It’s about us, not you.

Me: Hmm…..You make some good points there. But I’m going to have to veto all of them.

Kids: What? We don’t even know what that means.

Me: It means let’s get started. Number 1. Start eating!

So I hope all of you readers have a great summer. And please do me a favor. Think of me while you sip a cold drink of water, viewing a beautiful sunset, sitting on a vast mountaintop. I’ll be home, unshowered, dealing with the endless cycle of kids.

How do you achieve balance in the summer?

Any ideas? Thoughts? Help??