The Guy’s Perspective

Article originally appeared in the Gatehouse family of newspapers.

“Booting up for the New Year” by Saelen Ghose

After a long, restful vacation I feel like one of those old internet providers—the kind you’d dial-in, then go make tea and read the paper, before it finally connected. It always takes a while for me to “boot up” for the New Year. But my kids, even longer.

I’ve been hearing cries of rebellion for the last few weeks as school and extra-curricular activities have resumed again, squeezing hours out of the day, that for a while were filled with just sitting around being bored. I no longer hear, “Dad, I am bored.” It’s more like, “Dad, I wish I were bored.”  To which I respond, “Me too.”

Boy do I wish I were bored. Or rather, had time in my day where I could choose to be bored if I wanted to. But instead I find myself right back in full swing, making lunches, signing permission slips, working, chauffering to practices, making dinners, cleaning up dinners, helping with homework, putting the kids to bed, and working more. And of course there’s the ever-present dog to take care of.

So I’m wondering how to stop from falling into familiar patterns? Is it possible to ignore what everyone else is doing, and make decisions that work specifically for my family? Is there a way to make life flow in a more congruous way, rather than being so fragmented? Can I find balance?

I think a good start would be to impose a simple family rule: my wife and I make the decisions for the family. I do believe it’s important to empower kids to think for themselves and also important to encourage them to make their own decisions. But while those are important qualities to impart, sometimes those teachings can backfire, especially when the kids think they’re running the show.

Just the other day, my wife and I wanted to take a family hike in the woods. Instead of cheers from the gallery we heard moans and groans as if we told the kids it was time to go get their flu shots. We ignored their cries and went ahead with our plans. We knew that once we were surrounded by the clean, wooded air, everyone would have a great time. And we were right. The dog playfully roamed free for once, the kids explored streams and rotted tree trunks, and my wife and I took it all in and relaxed. We were all able to decompress and dial out for a moment, which needs to happen more often. But for me, the best part was that we were all together.

Too much of our family time is spent dividing and conquering. We have to because our schedule is insane, like most modern families. Weekends sound like this. “I’ll drive to soccer, then pick up the presents for the party.” “Sounds good. It’s my turn to carpool to basketball. Then I’ll pick up the boys from the party later.” “Great. I’m helping sell Girl Scout cookies this afternoon, so we’ll rendezvous at the pizza joint some time this evening.” “Perfect.” And by the time the day is done, the kids are fried, and my wife and I barely have enough energy to get up off the couch and go to bed.

Believe me, a part of that schedule I love. My favorite activity is watching my kids participate in the activities they love. But these types of weekends often revolve around individuals in our family, rather than our family as a whole.

I’d like to change that this new year. When we asked the kids what their highlights were for 2011, most of their responses involved some sort of family outing or vacation. And seeing that those particular activities took up a very small percentage of the year, that was quite telling. Sure, it’s difficult to get five people on the same page at any given time, but bringing the family together as a unit is vital for our collective well-being. We are a team, and the best way to gel like a team is to play together often.

So here’s to 2012. Same people, but hoping for some new habits. More time together, arguing over which station to listen to, who leads the hike, and what restaurant we’ll go to. But somehow I know all those arguments will be forgotten as memories form, prioritizing the good times. My guess is, we’ll all only remember what mattered most: time spent together as one.

In this episode:

Katy Perry & Rebecca Black Last Friday Night Video

Segments

Ask the Guys: The Guys put their heads together to help listeners with their questions.

Father Stories: Alex from LA calls to share his daughters triumph.

Stream of Consciousness: Spinning the Big Wheel for random fun.

The Meat: “If you can’t say something nice…”  When to hold your tongue and be P.C..

Pop Culture Corner - The party just keeps growing for Rebecca Black as Katy Perry releases the video for her new single “Last Friday Night” which prominently features Rebecca.  We talk about why we even care.  By the way Sai gives some little known info about one Kenny G too.

Want to win a $25.00 Starbucks Gift Card???  We have a few more places open for our Guy’s Perspective Slow Jam songs contest.  We will name the 12 top picks in Episode 41 (2 weeks) For a chance to win call The Guys at 347-855-GUYS or hit our contact page with the subject: Slow Jams and let us know the song or songs that put you in the romantic mood.

The Guy’s Perspective YouTube page is here!  What?!  Yes, and we already have some great videos up.  So check that out and if you would please subscribe and leave us a nice comment while you’re at it.  Share us with some friends too.

Questions for Ask the Guys:

Tiera: Help I’m embarrassed of him!

Danielle: Will he come back or is it just a mind game?

Nat: We have strong feelings but it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.

Sally: What’s his problem?

Father Stories:

Alex from L.A. calls to share his daughter’s victory over training wheels.  As a follow up to a story he shared in Ep:23 The Best Gift Ever Alex tells about a gift he received just last week.

Stream of Consciousness: We spin the Big Wheel and come up with random topics for some great conversation… hopefully.  This time the words are Rage, Deviation and Bomb and the conversation goes from grandma’s driving to Russian dance club puppetry.  Huh?  You have to listen.

The Meat: If you can’t say something nice…  stories of when to hold your tongue.  The great air conditioner – doggy diarrhea debate, the death of Jackass star Ryan Dunn and Roger Ebert’s controversial Tweet. Asking the question “Is it wise to tell your hometown D.B. off?”

Thanks for listening!

The Guy's Perspective Podcast Ep. 40: Being politically correct, a daughter's triumph, relationships, and more [ 59:05 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

“Boredom’s gift” by Saelen Ghose

Two Bored Boys

Boredom used to be a portal to creativity, a springboard of sorts, carving out space in the mind for ideas to enter. But the good old days of boredom are long gone, joining the Dodo Bird, Pet Rocks, and The Three Stooges on the path to extinction. Instead we’ve replaced them with gizmos, toys, and gadgets that keep our kids, and us, entertained and distracted. Why would we do that?

We’re afraid of boredom. It connotes laziness. It signifies either a lack of progress, or even worse, an unwillingness to progress. It’s also a state of mind that is unsettling at its core, because it forces us to sit and listen to ourselves think. And being reflective is not something that comes very naturally to us, mainly because we’re out of practice.

We’ve done our best to pummel boredom into extinction. We certainly don’t want our kids being idle. First we came up with TV, a mostly harmless device, delivering some entertaining shows and the nightly news. In fact the first televisions doubled as exercise equipment because viewers had to actually get up off the couch to change the channel. The remote soon took care of any cardio benefits, and cable expanded our choices of stations, keeping us tuned, but not very toned.

Then video games joined the fray, beginning with Pong, the ever so simple game we used to think was the coolest thing besides free toys in cereal boxes. Currently the video game industry is one of the fastest growing industries in the world, spewing out countless new titles every year, helping us keep boredom at bay.

Now we have ipods, smart phones, electronic readers, and a host of other devices that distract us from ourselves. Their universal ringtone is, “Thou shall not be bored.” And that’s a call that we can’t help but answer. However it’s boredom that leads to innovation. It’s boredom that forces us to dig deep to discover new twists and turns on existing ideas, and then help us figure out new ideas to replace them with. If we continue to shut off each faucet, soon all our faucets will run dry, and we’ll have no way of reaching our inner core. And that not only impacts us as individuals, it narrows the potential field of innovators, and limits us as a society.

I might be a parent, but I’m no dinosaur. I’m amazed at the technology of today. It’s a lot of fun to be able to send texts to friends, or look something up on the internet, or dial up a tune on an ipod. But those devices have made boredom obsolete. And I worry how that’s impacting the creativity of our future scientists, artists, doctors, and entrepreneurs.

Kids towed the “I’m bored” party line back when I was growing up. But back then parents would say, “Figure something out.” And we did. We’d leave for the day, and somehow come up with all sorts of things to keep ourselves entertained. Some of these things I shall not repeat for fear of incriminating myself. And some of the things we did-like careening off a 10 foot jump on our banana seat bikes with no helmets and not much space for a landing-make me wonder how I was able to even have kids. But our boredom caused us to reflect, take in our surroundings, and devise some plan. It was creativity at work, something that is sorely missing today.

I realize it’s a different time with different rules. I don’t let my kids roam around the neighborhood doing whatever they want. And I certainly have a better sense of what they’re up to-at least that’s the party line I tell myself. But there is something to be said for allowing kids to figure it out for themselves. There is something to be said, for giving ourselves some space to wonder. We don’t need to fill up every moment with “noise” because those quiet moments of reflection help us find ourselves. And that’s when creativity can germinate, and grow.

Do you think boredom and creativity are linked?

What do you do when your kids say they’re bored?

Copyright 2010

Read in The MetroWest Daily newspaper.

The Parent Gig(Episode 2): Boredom's Gift [ 5:15 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Pet Peeves: Food porn, Baseball players

Ask the Guys: Group Dating

Father Stories: What dad’s do (Special guest)

THE MEAT: School Dilemma

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TGP Episode 9: Food Porn, Friends w Benefits, School Dilemma [ 38:49 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download