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Dear Guys,

So I met an amazing guy. He is intelligent, funny, outdoorsy, in a band, all the things a girl could want. We met through mutual friends about two months ago and hit if off immediately. We stayed up the whole night going on randmon spontaneous adventures and ended up cuddling by the end.

Since then we have been seeing each other. (We have not talked about being exclusive). The dates have been great, creative, stimulating and I feel overall very comfortable with him and like him a lot. I fell asleep one night at his place early on, and since then we have been spending the night at each other’s places multiple times per week. We have fooled around but have not had sex yet.

Anyways, I am afraid maybe he is too into me and it makes me uncomfortable. He is a super energetic, friendly person so it his hard to tell if he is just his enthusiastic personality. I happen to know through friends that he liked me so much he was freaking out about what to do when he asked me out and he told everyone (friends, family) all about me right away. He left his pillow at my house— since I don’t sleep with one—and texts me everyday with random things and to see how I am. I have casually met his family, and when my parents were out of town for the holidays he invited me to his place. (I did not go, becuase it seemed too soon). He did get me a simple and thoughtful Christmas gift. He invited me to things a month in advance when we first started dating. He gives me space if I am busy or out with friends, and he certainly has his own busy life, but he wants to know everything about me, and I cannot shake the feeling that it is too intense. I have never really been in a relationship, so maybe it is just me?

Kaitlin

Dear Kaitlin,

Thanks for your question.

So you need to ask yourself why this bothers you? Is it because in your heart of hearts you’re not sure you feel the same way about him? Or maybe you are a bit more cautious person and like to take things slowly? But from what you describe he sounds like a wonderful guy—the kind of person that everyone is looking for.

However, Kaitlin, just because he does so many wonderful things doesn’t mean he’s perfect for you. Love is a mystery. Sometimes we meet incredible people that we feel we should love, but there’s just no spark. Sometimes we get pressure from family and friends because they think a person is perfect for us, but for some reason they’re not. You are the only one who really knows how you feel.

Having said that, if it’s just your inexperience talking, or some other fear, maybe you can’t see the situation clearly. Maybe his intensity is clouding your perception of him. Here are the positive we see in him.

1. He is interested in everything about you. More than just sex.

2. He’s a solid communicator. Responsible. Follows through.

3. Positive person. Upbeat.

4. Independent person. Has his own life and gives you space.

5. Really cares about you.

6. Probably much more.

Kaitlin, believe it or not, guys are no different than girls when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we really like we get giddy, nervous, anxious, excited, silly, and yes, we even freak out. We ask our friends what to do, even though we know they won’t be much help. We try to figure out the best strategy to get the girl to go out on a date with us. Then we over plan and over think the first date. It’s quite amusing actually. But all of these intense feelings actually are good. Ask yourself: Do you really want to date a guy who just wants to hang out, watch movies, order Chinese, and then have sex? Do you really want a guy who tries to be Mr. Cool? Do you really want a guy who doesn’t call when he says he’s going to? And a guy who doesn’t want to know anything about you except your bra size? Think about it.

But we’ll finish our answer by coming back to what we said initially. It doesn’t matter how wonderful someone is on paper, you still need to feel those butterflies in your stomach. It’s up to you to figure that out. Just don’t let fear get in your way. He does sound like a solid guy. And be happy that he’s way into you. It’s so much better than the alternative.

Good luck. Feel free to ask us a follow up question, and definitely keep us posted. Leave us a comment here in the comments section and we’ll respond here as well.

Readers, please give your opinions as well!

THE GUYS

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