The duality of men: Are all men dogs?

A special post from THE GUYS (Twitter: @TGPBuzz)

How can a man be a nice guy and at the same time, a Total Dog?

This question seems to be a source of confusion and dismay among women across the world. So today we’d like to expound upon this principle and hopefully shed some light on this perplexing duality.

Dogs are born, bred and raised by man. They come with sharp teeth, a vicious bark and an aggressive streak. But they are also fiercely loyal, lovable and playful. They are the only animal on the planet that come with such an interesting blend of opposites. It’s not surprising, since they were trained by man to exist in his own likeness.

But although men possess many of the qualities of our canine brethren, they do not in fact walk on four legs. We walk upright and prefer to keep it that way. Our upright nature puts us at the top of the food chain and makes us the king of the predators, because now our other limbs are free to perform other useful purposes, like itching ourselves, playing cards, gesticulating at the TV, and grabbing at our female counterparts. It’s amazing that we’re not actually extinct!

However, we have another side to us that somehow makes us palatable to the opposite gender. This is where our protective loyalty comes into play. Supporting our family and looking after our own is deeply embedded in our genes. That’s who we are from day one. A squirmy, purple looking, ball of fat—fierce and loyal; precisely like a cute puppy.

So how can all this goodness live next door to all this aggression?

It’s just as unclear to us. It comes from somewhere, but where, we have no idea. Some call it hormones, some call it the devil, some say it hangs just below our abdomen, but whatever it is or wherever it may reside, it seems to have a mind of it’s own.

Example: Things are going great with our girlfriend. She’s so cool, smart, pretty and easy to hang with. What could be better? One day we’re walking down the street, happy as a clam and then we see “That Girl!” Our bodies start buzzing, our minds go blank and all of a sudden something isn’t quite right. How is this possible? Nothing’s really changed AND everything has changed. Why is this other person so mesmerizing, so alluring, so dynamic? And why does her mere presence shake the very foundation of what we care about?

We’re confused about this too, so we talk about it amongst ourselves. Yes, you heard that right, WE TALK!! And we ask each other questions like these:

What does this mean? Does this happen to you? Do you like it? Don’t like it? What should I do about it? Should I do anything about it? Is it real? Is it fantasy? I just don’t get it!!!

We ask these questions because we care about the people we love and don’t want to mess things up. We also realize that it’s unlikely those physical reactions have anything to do with love. But it takes us time. THE GUYS at The Guy’s Perspective have each other to ponder these thoughts, but many guys don’t have anyone to talk to, or they don’t even realize that they should be discussing this with other guys, so they follow their “small brain” around and basically ruin everything they have.

But, let’s not jump off the deep end here. We can be trained. In fact, somewhere deep down we want to be trained, or rather TAMED. Why? Because it’s not always fun to feel pulled by this invisible force, and to have little things like other women, cause us to question ourselves and what we have. We constantly hope, we can get this power under control, so we can enjoy our lives with the people who are in them presently.

Here are some basic rules to understand:

1. When we say we love you, we do. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to sleep with…….well……you get the idea.

2. Yes, we seek to conquer. But it’s not just about the conquest as many think. At some point we actually do want to keep the “prize.” Of course each guy is different in this respect.

3. We do talk, but we’re egocentric creatures. We think we’re the only ones who’ve ever felt a certain way, done a certain thing, or thought of a particular idea. etc. That’s why teenage boys tell their dads they don’t know “jack” about sex or love. Hmm….and the dads say, “I wonder how you got here, you little….(fill in).” Our point is we think we know more than we do.

4. We travel in packs, but we’d prefer to “hunt” alone. So the guy you see at the bar by himself is not necessarily a lonely loser. He could actually be smarter than the rest and realize there’s a lot less competition when there’s no competition.

5. We ARE able to commit. If your man says he needs more time it’s because he’s unsure of you. If might be best to just let him sniff around some more without you. You’ll be better off.

The last thing we have to say about all of this is:

Don’t give up on us, but at the same time, it’s unlikely we’ll ever change.

Now figure that out!!! And when you do, let us know. We would like to be enlightened.

THE GUYS

PS….we’re hungry. Can someone throw us a bone please! Join us on Twitter for more insights into the male mind. @TGPBuzz

The Guy’s Perspective Podcast Episode 42: Cats vs. Dogs, Mobile Matchmaking, Amy Winehouse, Addiction, The 27 Club

 

Opening: We talk about choosing the right cell phone and we discuss one lucky baby.

Pet Peeves: The Great Cat Haters vs. Dog Haters debate 2011!  It’s all out war in the studio!  Well at least all out war High School debate team style.

Ask the Guys:

Dani: From Facebook to Face-to-Face.  Is there hope or should I throw in the towel?

Saraya:  He left me pregnant now I need to know if he’ll come back.  Please help!

Jessica:  Is he just with me to pass the time?  I don’t want to feel like a second choice.

The Meat:

We discuss the untimely passing of singer/songwriter Amy Winehouse.  We also talk about the legendary “27 Club”, addiction and a great blog post by comedian/actor Russell Brand.  You can find a link to that article here.

 

Take a sniff

My daughter asked me today, “Why do dogs smell each other’s butts? (She pauses to ponder……) That’s weird.” (Commences to giggle)

I really didn’t have any great response to that. I mean she only just turned six. And to me it seems pretty self-explanatory. Or maybe I should say, self-exploratory. Or self-olfactory for that matter.

Either way, dogs, animals, people are into sniffing and smells. The olfactory sense may be the mightiest of all the senses; one that can transport you back in time faster than you can say…. I mean, smell, Cheese!

Growing up, my street was lined with huge maple trees that gave off a sweet aroma, especially during the hot summer nights. I didn’t realize it was actually the trees I was smelling, until I was walking in a quaint New England town a few years ago and stopped in my tracks. “What is that smell?” I said to my wife. She said, “I think it’s that tree” pointing to a huge maple tree. And sure enough, that’s exactly what it was. And at that moment, I closed my eyes and there I was, riding no-handed down my street, with a baseball card clicking in my spokes, feeling the wind and my freedom.

But smells tell us much more than that. They tell us if we’re attracted to someone; or if we’re compatible with them physically. That’s why many Guys don’t like it when a woman covers herself from head to foot with various forms of aerosol spray. This is just too confusing to most guys. And it makes any sort of “evaluation” difficult. OK, that sounded bad, but it’s true. Strange, unnatural scents are usually a sign that something is amiss. And that protective mechanism has been programmed  into us from the beginning, when we needed the ability to figure out which berries were safe to eat, the red ones or the orange ones.

So doesn’t it seem to make sense that we should adapt the ways of the dog? Doesn’t sniffing each other seem like a much easier way to figure out if you like someone? Forget first date jitters, second date apprehension and third date expectations, just take a sniff and get the answers you’re looking for. And wouldn’t it save us all from trying to make conversation, which can certainly be challenging at times.

But if you feel that sniffing before you know someone is a bit impolite, you could always ask first, although I’m not so sure how this would go over. “Excuse me, but would you mind if I just sniffed your butt? You know, just to see if we’re compatible?”

Yes, you might get a smack upside your head, but hey, that’s not the worst pick up line I’ve heard.

“One of The Guys”

What is your favorite sense? Why?

Do smells conjure up vivid memories?

What’s the worst pick up line you’ve used, or heard?

Do you think we should adapt the ways of the dog?

The Duality of Men: Why guys are the way they are

A special post from THE GUYS (Twitter: @TGPBuzz)

How can a man be a nice guy and at the same time, a total Dog?

This question seems to be a source of confusion and dismay among women across the world. So today we’d like to expound upon this principle and hopefully shed some light on this perplexing duality.

Dogs are born, bred and raised by man. They come with sharp teeth, a vicious bark and an aggressive streak. But they are also fiercely loyal, lovable and playful. They are the only animal on the planet that come with such an interesting blend of opposites. It’s not surprising, since they were trained by man to exist in his own likeness.

But although men possess many of the qualities of our canine brethren, they do not in fact walk on four legs. We walk upright and prefer to keep it that way. Our upright nature puts us at the top of the food chain and makes us the king of the predators, because now our other limbs are free to perform other useful purposes, like itching ourselves, playing cards, gesticulating at the TV, and grabbing at our female counterparts. It’s amazing that we’re not actually extinct!

However, we have another side to us that somehow makes us palatable to the opposite gender. This is where our protective loyalty comes into play. Supporting our family and looking after our own is deeply embedded in our genes. That’s who we are from day one. A squirmy, purple looking, ball of fat—fierce and loyal; precisely like a cute puppy.

So how can all this goodness live next door to all this aggression?

It’s just as unclear to us. It comes from somewhere, but where, we have no idea. Some call it hormones, some call it the devil, some say it hangs just below our abdomen, but whatever it is or wherever it may reside, it seems to have a mind of it’s own.

Example: Things are going great with our girlfriend. She’s so cool, smart, pretty and easy to hang with. What could be better? One day we’re walking down the street, happy as a clam and then we see “That Girl!” Our bodies start buzzing, our minds go blank and all of a sudden something isn’t quite right. How is this possible? Nothing’s really changed AND everything has changed. Why is this other person so mesmerizing, so alluring, so dynamic? And why does her mere presence shake the very foundation of what we care about?

We’re confused about this too, so we talk about it amongst ourselves. Yes, you heard that right, WE TALK!! And we ask each other questions like these:

What does this mean? Does this happen to you? Do you like it? Don’t like it? What should I do about it? Should I do anything about it? Is it real? Is it fantasy? I just don’t get it!!!

We ask these questions because we care about the people we love and don’t want to mess things up. We also realize that it’s unlikely those physical reactions have anything to do with love. But it takes us time. THE GUYS at The Guy’s Perspective have each other to ponder these thoughts, but many guys don’t have anyone to talk to, or they don’t even realize that they should be discussing this with other guys, so they follow their “small brain” around and basically ruin everything they have.

But, let’s not jump off the deep end here. We can be trained. In fact, somewhere deep down we want to be trained, or rather TAMED. Why? Because it’s not always fun to feel pulled by this invisible force, and to have little things like other women, cause us to question ourselves and what we have. We constantly hope, we can get this power under control, so we can enjoy our lives with the people who are in them presently.

Here are some basic rules to understand:

1. When we say we love you, we do. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to sleep with…….well……you get the idea.

2. Yes, we seek to conquer. But it’s not just about the conquest as many think. At some point we actually do want to keep the “prize.” Of course each guy is different in this respect.

3. We do talk, but we’re egocentric creatures. We think we’re the only ones who’ve ever felt a certain way, done a certain thing, or thought of a particular idea. etc. That’s why teenage boys tell their dads they don’t know “jack” about sex or love. Hmm….and the dads say, “I wonder how you got here, you little….(fill in).” Our point is we think we know more than we do.

4. We travel in packs, but we’d prefer to “hunt” alone. So the guy you see at the bar by himself is not necessarily a lonely loser. He could actually be smarter than the rest and realize there’s a lot less competition when there’s no competition.

5. We ARE able to commit. If your man says he needs more time it’s because he’s unsure of you. If might be best to just let him sniff around some more without you. You’ll be better off.

The last thing we have to say about all of this is:

Don’t give up on us, but at the same time, it’s unlikely we’ll ever change.

Now figure that out!!! And when you do, let us know. We would like to be enlightened.

THE GUYS

PS….we’re hungry. Can someone throw us a bone please! Join us on Twitter for more insights into the male mind. @TGPBuzz

It's all in the Name

I may have written about this before, but here goes again. The pressure is mounting. It’s 2010, the kids are one year older….can’t use that excuse anymore….and everyone but me wants a dog.

I tried selling them on fish or a hamster or maybe even a rat. I hear they’re in vogue these days. But they’ll have none of it. It’s a dog or nothing.

Actually I like dogs. I grew up with one. She was smart, cuddly, fun and I played with her a ton. But let’s face it, I didn’t really have to take care of her, and neither did my brother or sister. My mom pretty much did everything.

In my current situation, since I’m home more days than my wife, it will be me, picking up poop, walking the dog and tending to her needs. I can barely take care of myself and the kids…and sometimes my wife, how can I handle another mouth to feed and another butt to wipe!! Well hopefully I won’t have to wipe her butt, but you get my meaning.

The other thing is, these four legged beings are damn expensive! I know how pricey those vet bills can be. What am I going to say? “Sorry kids,  we just can’t fix “Fido’s” leg. Too expensive. She’ll just have to limp the rest of her life.” I’ll be whipped and chained and hung up over the fireplace if I take that stance. So what’s a poor guy to do? Help!!!???

So, I guess this is it. Hmmm…..

But there is a solution to this whole dilemma. Here’s how it’s going to go.

Me (To my family): Just throw me a bone and maybe I’ll go along with it.

My wife: So what do you want?

Me: I want to name her.

The kids: NO!!!!!

Me: I name her, or no dog.

Everyone(After a LONG pause): Fine.

Me: So I’m going to name her “Peeve!” (Pause) That’s right you heard me, “Peeve!”

Everyone: What??!! What kind of a name is that? That’s lame!

Me: No it’s not.  That way when my friends come over and they say, “What’s your dog’s name?”  I can say, “This is my pet Peeve.”

Everyone: Ahhh!!! 

And you know what, that just might be worth the extra mouth to feed.

“ONE of THE GUYS”

Dogs vs. Cats

As of late, we've been getting a lot of pressure to get an animal. So we said fine, "Get some fish, fish tank,  fish food and whatever else you need." We thought we were being generous, but apparently fish don't count as animals. And neither do Gerbils, Snakes, Mice, Hamsters, Rats, Guinea Pigs or basically anything other than a Cat or a Dog.

So why didn't you say so from the beginning??!!

So let's get this straight. Are we really saying a Cat or a Dog, or do we just mean a Cat? Because let's face it, GUYS and Cats don't always jive. Sure, we've encountered a few that we've liked, but it's hard to take home a Tiger or a Lion from the zoo. Generally we're Dog people.

So this situation has become a big problem. And we're not sure how to resolve this crisis. So we wrote a little poem to give our readers a sense of what is going on inside GUYS' homes across America.

Cats and Dogs

The argument continues
'Bout which one ranks on top
It's been going on for years
And will probably never stop

Anytime the subject
Is brought up anywhere
Here is a little clip
Of what you'll probably hear

"Cats are cool!" say Cat lovers.
"Dogs are loyal!" say Dog lovers.
"Cats are sly!" say Cat lovers.
"Dogs are loving!" say Dog lovers.
"Cats are cuddly!" say Cat lovers.
"Dogs are playful!" say Dog lovers.
"Dogs smell badly!" say Cat lovers.
"Cats don't care!" say Dog lovers
"Dogs are dumb!" say Cat lovers.
"Cats are stupid!" say Dog lovers.
"You are stupid!" say Cat lovers.
"You are dumb!" say Dog lovers.

We don't think the argument
Will ever be resolved
Because the people having it
Are way too much involved

Has this been a problem for you? If so, how have you resolved this problem? How do we resolve this?

THE GUYS