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Also, check out our latest podcast Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves. The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.
Here are the six relationship questions we answered on on our latest podcast:
Sarah is beginning to have a change of heart. Now that her man wants to introduce her to his family, she’s unsure how she feels about it.
Dan wonders whether or not he’s being played by the single mom he has recently started dating.
Miss Lady’s boyfriend turned down a trip to Vegas with her, but after his guy friends ask him he’s all in. Now what?
Jenny’s man cheated on her with seven to ten different women, but she still loves him. Why would he do that?
Emily has an admirer, at least that’s what her loving friends tell her. Are they right she wonders?
Riya is confused about a guy from work. They date; he decides it’s not going to work; but then he keeps texting even after she’s moved on. She is curious why he still is trying to be “friends.”
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TGP Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves
Last week’s questions:
Jealousy: Friends with the opposite sex
Break up confusion; will he come back?
Cultural Differences Part 2: Am I being used?
Is he my boyfriend or am I just booty call?
Hurt and Confused in a long distance relationship
This week’s questions:
Long distance guy; is he worth it?
Can this grow into something more?
Dear Guys,
I have feelings for this guy I’ve known for several months now. We started out with smiles and hellos, it then grew into name exchanges, then to chit-chatting, then FINALLY he gave me his number to call him. So since then we’ve gone out on several dates and had phone conversations etc.
When I first met him he told me he had a friend who lives in another city, but made it clear to me that they were not exclusive, and told me he was not looking for a relationship. Of course he wants to be intimate with me, and has tried several times to no avail, because I expressed to him that exclusiveness was part of the intimate package with me. So I’ve stood my ground, and refused to be moved on it. I did tell him we could just be friends without benefits. I did this because I really enjoy our time together, and like him as a person. We still talk, text, and see each other frequently because we work for the same company and attend the same gym.
I’m not pressuring him to accept my terms, and will not allow him to pressure me to accept his. Am I making the right decision to still have him in my life as my friend, or should I just cut him out completly before I develop stronger feelings for him?
Brandi
Dear Brandi,
Thanks for your question.
We like your conviction and fortitude. Good for you. We think you’re doing the right thing by not complicating matters and having sex with him, especially since it’s clear you aren’t the only one he’s intimate with. And who knows if this other person he’s sleeping with is exclusive only to him. For a variety of health and emotional reasons you’re better off not going down that path with him, at least for now. But Brandi, it seems you’ve already developed feelings towards him. Otherwise you probably wouldn’t even be asking us if you should cut him out of your life.
You seem like a very introspective person, and that’s very helpful when navigating the complex dating world. But don’t think too much. We say why not be friends with him? You enjoy his company. He enjoys yours. Just continue to be clear with him about your status as only friends. The arrangement seems okay for now as long as you feel you’re deriving some sort of benefit from hanging out with him.
However, one cautionary note: We appreciate this guy being honest with you, but he seems like a player to us. First of all, he should be getting your number and calling you, not the other way around. And, if he really was into you, he wouldn’t need some other woman on standby. To us it sounds like he’s not ready to be in a committed relationship, and waiting for him to change might cause your hair to turn gray.
So be careful. If you decide to keep on being friends with him be sure to keep it completely platonic, which means only do things with him that you would do with friends. Don’t go over his house late at night to “talk.” Don’t drink a bottle of wine with him as you watch a movie on his flat screen. Don’t go to some romantic restaurant to hang out. And definitely don’t have sex with him. Keep it light, have fun, but detach yourself, and keep your options open with other guys. And please monitor how you’re feeling. If you realize you’re really pining for him, and hoping he’s going to change, we suggest you move on and look for someone who is ready to be exclusive.
Good luck,
THE GUYS
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