The Guy’s Perspective

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Dating Older Men

Getting Played: Trust your Gut

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Dear Friends,

Thank you for all of your questions. We have a serious backlog, but we are working hard at answering them as quickly as possible. Thanks for your patience. Anyone that DONATES to THE GUYS will be moved to the top of the queue, which means we will answer your question within 2-3 days. (See PayPal button on right side of any page.) Yes, we will still try to answer all questions, but questions unaccompanied by a donation become part of the general queue which has a three to four week delay right now. And of course it’s not possible to get to every one.

Please also keep in mind, that although your questions are personal, they are meant for public consumption on this site. Meaning, we’ll be answering them on our blog. (On the “Ask the Guys” page.)

For those of you who have donated to us, THANK YOU. It does take considerable time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. And yes, there are real guys behind the scenes discussing the questions, and responding.

If you’re not sure how much to donate, just give what you’re comfortable with—whatever good advice is worth to you.

Thanks again,

THE GUYS

Some recent questions:

Older Guy: Am I misinterpreting current relationship?

Can a guy really commit to a long distance relationship?

Relationship advice: Dating older men (Also check out our video on the topic. See our video page)

Cheating boyfriend: How do I know it won’t happen again?

Breakup then friends: What’s he thinking?

Break up confusion: Why did you do this?

Four years of confusion

Guys,

This happened last year but I’m still upset about it. There was this guy I really liked and we had been talking a lot on Facebook and also texting nearly every day for an entire month. He kept asking me out but I couldn’t because his timing was always bad. But each time I apologized for not being able to go. Then I asked him out and he stood me up.

One day he just suddenly stopped talking to me. It lasted for two weeks and then suddenly he sent me a message on Facebook telling me that he recently got involved with somebody else and he was sorry. I said I was okay with it even though I wasn’t and asked him if we could still be friends and he said it was fine. A week after that I  posted a message on his wall basically just to say happy Easter. (Nothing creepy, weird or romantic at all.) And that night he blocked and deleted me off Facebook. I’m confused and am trying to figure out why he did that.

This is not the first time a guy has suddenly stopped talking to me. I feel like I’m cursed because it’s happend SO many times

Jo

Dear Jo,

Thanks for your question.

Here’s a likely scenario. He told his new girlfriend about you, and she felt threatened. So he appeased her worry by blocking and deleting you from Facebook. (This may have also been satisfying to him as well since you rejected him so many times.)

We’re not sure why his timing was bad, and why you couldn’t go out with him if you really liked him, but hopefully you’ll be more open next time something like this comes up. Is this a pattern with you? Were you playing hard to get? What’s the deal?

Women might hear that men like the chase, but only to a certain point. After a while we lose interest and focus our attention on something that seems more attainable. It sounds like he may have reached that point with you. It might be something to keep in mind as you go forward. If you really like a guy, try making yourself more available. It might surprise you how well that strategy works.

We’re sorry this didn’t work out for you. And no you’re not cursed.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us. Join us on Facebook. Or subscribe to our You Tube Channel. More videos soon.

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Please send us your photos. As soon as we get enough photos to create a fan section on the photo page we will.
Send to: advice@theguysperspective.com

Thanks so much.

Last week’s questions:

Confused by my marine

What is his problem?

Soon to be mom

How to start a long distance relationship?

Is this boy playing me?

He’s back, but is he into me?

This week’s questions:

Breaking Up

Long distance relationship: conflicted

Prom

Listen to our latest podcast:

Episode 35: Memorable moments from the first 34 episodes!

Dear Guys,

I need your advice. I like a guy, so I added him in on Facebook. Well, he accepted it but then later on I found out he deleted the news feed in his wall which showed that he was friends with me. He did not do it for his other friends.

Do you think I better look for other guys because to I feel like he’s saying he’s not interested in me despite the fact that I know one of his girl friends has been teasing him when she happened to read the news feed about our friendship Before he deleted it)?

Thanks,

Nyita

Dear Nyita

Thanks for writing to us.

Maybe we’re a bit out of touch, but does adding a guy on Facebook automatically mean you like them? If  that’s true, then we must have a ton of girlfriends that we are unaware of.

Facebook interactions should never replace face-to-face communication, but that’s what’s happening more and more. Social networks are fun to join, but they aren’t for matters of the heart. They are best for keeping in touch, sharing exciting news, posting pics—but not the kind you’ll regret later—and for other simple things like that. Once you try using it for me serious matters its inadequacy is exposed.

It’s time to move on Nyita. This guy does not seem interested. And he handled the situation very poorly. We’re sorry about that. However, this doesn’t mean you should feel the need to start looking for another guy right away.

We think you should spend time with your friends and do what you need to do with school and other activities. Focus less on finding a guy and more on some of the other things that make you happy. Your positive energy and outlook on life might just bring a new person to into your life. Sometimes the less we search the more the answers find us.

And please, keep your dating life off of Facebook.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. There is one way you can use Facebook. Join our fan page and let your friends know about us. Or even tell them face-to-face.

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Please send us your photos. As soon as we get enough photos to create a fan section on the photo page we will.
Send to: advice@theguysperspective.com

Thanks so much.

Last week’s questions:

Long distance guy; is he worth it?

Can this grow into something more?

Friends with benefits

Long distance relationship-to college: Is this girl playing me?

He’s controlling and jealous; friends with the opposite sex(Read comments)

This week’s questions:

Confused by my marine

What is his problem?

Soon to be mom

Listen to our latest podcast:

Episode 35: Memorable moments from the first 34 episodes!

Dear Guys,

Hi. There is this guy that reconnected with me via Facebook whom I knew from my childhood. He messaged me asking if I was so and so’s sister. I had no clue who he was. This is going back almost two months ago now. From then on we added eachother on Facebook and a week later we started speaking on the phone. We got along really well and we hit it off really quickly. He was always calling and texting me. Whether it was in the middle of the day or calls til late at night. He was the one always initiating them. I never took it as anything more then a friendship. He was divorced very recently from a suffocating marriage. He has two kids so alot of the times he would open up to me about his problems.

Anyhow two weeks later he had his friend visit him from another country. I started to see him let loose a bit and he wasn’t calling me as much as before. He started going out more and partying. I think he was making up for lost time from his marriage as he got married pretty young. I started to feel like he was brushing me off. One night I sent him a text saying pretty much that. He said he was not ready to offer anyone anything more then a friendship. He said he needs time for himself and that he hopes I understand that. I took offense because I never asked for much anyway. We talked more and worked out the misunderstanding. However, the next day I found out from a random girl via Facebook that this guy met some girl and he told her he wants to get to know her for something serious, and that he would like to meet her in person.

So to make a long story short, he’s been dating other women, but still talking to me. And he’s been giving me major mixed signals. And sometimes he’s not reliable, and texts but then doesn’t. I just wanted to get a male point of view on this.

Thanks,

Miss X

Dear Miss X,

Thanks for writing to us.

You really haven’t said what you want, so we’ll just assume that you’d like to have some sort of relationship with this guy, otherwise you wouldn’t be stressing over all of his actions.

The bottom line is, this guy isn’t ready. And we can’t blame him. Think about what he’s coming out of: a suffocating marriage. You said so yourself. The last thing he wants is, to be in another serious relationship, even if that person-you-is totally terrific. If you really think this guy is something special you’re going to need to be very patient. It might take a long time. And frankly he may never want to get serious again. People who’ve been married often have different attitudes about getting remarried once they’re divorced. We know a lot of divorced guys that say, “We will never get married again.”

The best thing you can do for yourself is sit on the sidelines for this one, because a lot of women are going to get played if they choose to connect with this guy. That’s what we think is going on with this other woman you mention, and probably will happen a bunch more times until he gets it out of his system, if he ever does.

If you enjoy his company, be his friend, but if you get more involved than that, you’re going to get hurt and be more confused. He’s just not ready yet.

THE GUYS

Let your friends know about us on Facebook, Twitter, or Face-to-Face. Thanks!

Thank you listeners for your support over this last year. While we’re putting together a bunch of new shows we thought we’d replay a few memorable moments for you.

We start off with a Pet Peeve segment from Episode 9: Food Porn, Friends with Benefits, School Dilemma. Gordon Ramsay may be evil.

Next we continue with Father Stories from Episode 4: Endings, excess, and envy Sai makes amends with the neighbor.

Next up The Truth. Cucch brings a stumper with three stories about social media from Episode 15: Getting played, The Truth, India

We conclude with THE MEAT. Cucch shows how much he knows about football. Well, kind of. Episode 11: Customer Service, football, and listening

If you’d like to ask us a question about guys, call us at: 347-855-GUYS(4897). Also call if you’d like to share a Father Story, Pet Peeve, or leave a comment.

You can also ask us a relationship question, which we’ll answer either on our podcast or on our Ask the Guys page.

And leave us a five star review on itunes. We’d appreciate it. Thanks!

TGP Episode 35: Memorable moments from episodes 1-34 [ 33:55 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Read Past Question: Is my marriage over? (More in the archives)

Next Question we’ll be answering: Four years of mixed messages

More questions on the way this week. If you’re waiting for your question to be answered, thanks for your patience. We have many we’re trying to answer.

Dear Guys,

My first love of 24 years ago found me on Facebook and long story short, we found that we both never stopped loving, pining, and thinking about the other; though we both moved on with our lives and married-him 3 times and me once. He is now divorced and I am widowed. We live 4-5 hrs away from each other and I am a full time premed student taking care of my terminally ill father. He has 2 jobs and a very young daughter with cancer, just starting to recover. Yes, we have a lot going on. We love each other and both agreed to take it slow, but are both getting very frustrated with the separation.

It’s been 6 months and we still haven’t seen each other. Our text/talk time has decreased dramatically since he got his second full time job, and since my dad took ill. I have more time on my hands than him, but less money, to go see him and visa versa. I am old fashioned and think the guy should make the effort and I think he keeps dropping hints and asking me am I in his town yet. At first I thought he was joking until he said it 4 months later with more passion. I am thinking I should go and treat it like a blind date and make all the arrangements for myself the first time and then discuss the handling of future visits with him. Is this thinking okay? Will I hurt his ego if I did that?

I sent him gifts 3 times in the beginning of our relationship and he was bothered by it. He said he felt as if he owed me, which I have no idea what that means. I once visited his town a few weeks after that conversation, just passing through overnight and he was offended that I didn’t connect with him since I was so close. I didn’t because if he was offended with the gifts then maybe he would be offended with me providing the hotel room also. I am so confused. I tried to have this talk with him and he said I could have asked him. Can you please advise me how to proceed without hurting his ego. I know he thinks if I love him enough I would make a real effort to see him, I just feel trapped in how to make that happen. Thanks. We are so stressed out! Two things to note: we are both very clear that we want this to end in marriage when I graduate from undergrad and before I enter med school (2yrs) and second that we are in an exclusive relationship and trust eachother fully. We have never argued, brought up or debated about others involvement in our relationship. Its always about lack of time and communication, which scares me but we are trying.

T

Dear T,

Thanks for writing to us. Let’s see if we can help you sort this out.

First of all, there’s a big difference between giving gifts and visiting someone. We can see why he felt a little funny with you giving him three gifts early on in your reconnection. You probably felt so excited and wanted to express those feelings to him. That’s understandable. But getting a gift from someone can be interpreted in many different ways. He likely interpreted it differently than you intended.

But we don’t see a problem with you visiting him. Because how else will the two of you figure out if you really want to be together? You say the plan is to get married someday but how do you really know until you spend some extensive time together? We recommend as many visits as possible, at least as much as your busy schedules and wallets/pocketbooks can support.

But please don’t surprise him or make arrangements without talking to him first. Maybe you could come up with a plan that would work for both of you. Maybe you could visit each other every two/three weeks, alternating between you going there, and him coming to your place. That way you both feel you’re on even ground. And you both can share in the expenses. He shouldn’t have to carry the burden of paying for all the trips, but we hope that he might offer to pay when you actually go out together for dinner or some other nighttime activity. Your situation is not the typical “meet someone, get to know them, first date, second dated scenario.” So some of the normal rules of dating don’t totally apply.

As far as him taking the initiative: On the one hand you say the guy should take the first initiative, but on the other hand you seem to be someone who likes to get the ball rolling. So you have to sort that out within yourself. This is less about what guys should do, and more about two different people with two different personalities. Is he typically someone who initiates, or is he a “wait and see” kind of guy? His personality will determine his actions more than just being a guy. Your personality will determine yours.

We do think you two need to step up the phone talk a bit. It doesn’t have to be every day, but enough that you feel like you’re on the same page about these issues. It’s easy to avoid talking about real issues because you’re so elated to have reconnected, but you have to make the relationship as real as possible within the constraints of your situation. And the best way to do that is talk, talk, talk. Sure you should enjoy the butterfly feeling of meeting your long lost love again, but all of those feelings need to be grounded in solid communication.

Best of luck to you. It’s exciting that you found each other after all of these years.

THE GUYS

Check out our You Tube Channel. Getting Played. Please Subscribe and leave us a comment.

Contest: We reveal the name of the winner!

Vignettes: A few humorous stories from a recent road trip.

The Truth: The anti-social network. Cucch spins a few yarns. Does he finally trip up Sai?

Father Stories: Journey to India.

Ask the Guys: Boyfriend Daddy, Long term feelings, Confused

THE MEAT: Getting Played

Next Episode: It’s all things creepy. Please share your creepy stories, or anything you find to be creepy. Or share your favorite Halloween stories, or anything about Halloween that you love or hate.

Call us at: 347-855-GUYS or leave us a note on our website, at The Guy’s Perspective dot com.

TGP Episode 15: Getting Played, The Truth, India [ 42:16 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago. I love it! Of course this irritates my wife to no end. She says, “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys, talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick. We like  having the work  done for us. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s ever so painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men, at insurmountable odds, under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd, that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more miscommunications via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many of these situations arose because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, humor are all lost when the written word isn’t carefully laid on the screen; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person is truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or just recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body. But I’m hoping I’m making some progress as my years tick away on this planet.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical, but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or one of my kids, is that they should feel like the only person in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.

What do you use social networks for?
How do you like to communicate?
Should relationships be conducted via social networks?

Check out podcast #8! On this site, and on itunes. Subscribe!

Written by Sai, aka “One of the Guys”

I discovered texting two years ago and now I hardly ever talk on the phone. Of course this irritates my wife to no end. “Why do we have to text three times back and forth when we can just talk on the phone?” She has a good point. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to her, it’s just texting doesn’t take me out of my frame of mind; whether I’m at work, or in a meeting, or hanging out with the guys. Talking on the phone requires me to shift gears, and these days, I prefer an automatic.

I think most people these days prefer to glide effortlessly through social situations, eschewing the joy and challenge of a clutch and a stick, and instead enjoying the work being done for them. And boy have we all gotten lazy.

THE GUYS and I have gotten countless questions recently about troubles that have occurred on Facebook, My Space, and other social networking sites. We’re horrified that relationships are being conducted through the internet in front of a gawking crowd. No wonder the fall is so hard. Rejection is bad enough, but when there’s an angry mob watching it’s even more painful. Because social networking sites bring to mind ancient Roman times filled with gladiators fighting all sorts of beasts and men at insurmountable odds; under the considerable duress of a fickle crowd that turns as easily as baking bread.

Let’s consider email, which surfaced some ten or more years ago. Like most people I took to it like a fly on fruity paper. What a time saver! And so easy! And keeping in touch with people was now easier than ever. Slowly the number of my phone messages dwindled as my inbox grew and grew. What fun!

But a strange thing began to happen. I started having more and more problems with communication via email. Arguments, disagreements, worries about job inquiries, even friendships lost! Many because tone, inflection, emphasis, sarcasm, and  humor all get lost when the written word isn’t carefully crafted; instead emails are often dry, monotone messages that are ripe for misinterpretation.

And oh how easy it was, and is, for me to rifle off a quick response without taking a moment to just sit and try to figure out what I truly want to say-or try to think what the person was truly trying to say. And this is the bunny that keeps on ticking because I keep making the same mistake over and over. Some things take a lifetime to unlearn.

I have a lot of Facebook friends from many different generations. I love having friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and with various degrees of life experience. But I’m amazed at some of the pictures and words that are being flung out in the world. I mean “Really!?? Is fame, or the scant idea of fame-or recognition-that important?” When I see these notes and images I don’t comment, but I want to reach through the screen and shake some sense into these people and say, “Repeat after me. It’s not worth it! It’s not worth it.”

Sure, we all do stupid things. I’m no different. I’ve done countless things that I wish I could reel in and tuck away in my own little-but getting bigger- private fishing tackle box; one that might be buried or burned with me when I no longer need this body.

Relationships aren’t automatic. They are difficult mazes that require commitment every day in order to thrive and grow. They need to be watered, fed and nurtured by everyone involved; and a little love and naughty fun thrown in for good measure doesn’t hurt.

Facebook, My Space and other social sites can’t provide that kind of sustenance. They create a mirage of a full course meal that people crave, but only deliver an empty appetizer devoid of nutritional value. No wonder Corn Syrup has made such an inroad into our staple diet. We don’t even recognize the enemy when they’re knocking on our door, because we love easy. We love things gift-wrapped. We love automatics!

It’s time we all shift gears and get off the computer. You laugh because you know I’m typing this on my keyboard. But life is ironic, and people are hypocritical; but you can’t tell that by what you’re reading here. You don’t really know how serious I am-I’m very serious-and that I truly mean all the things I’m writing even if I’m using the very medium I’m criticizing. I never said the computer was evil, just that it isn’t going to help us conduct our relationships and help us foster new ones.

Computers can make life much easier, but when it comes to relationships it makes things much harder. It’s creating more work and more ambiguity in our lives, and then requiring more energy from us to deal with the problems and sort them out. It’s a lot easier to just take care of business with someone over dinner, lunch or tea. And there’s nothing like hearing something straight from the horse’s mouth.

One thing I try to remind myself of as I’m sitting across the dinner table from my wife, or a friend, or my kids, is that they should feel like the only one in my universe at that very moment. When I feel the vibration of a text coming in-yes for some reason I still have my phone on me, which is another problem for another time- I have to resist the urge to respond. The message will be waiting for me when I am finished with a pleasant dinner, hopefully devoid of sugary syrup, but definitely topped off with some dark chocolate.

And that’s the beauty of technology.
How do you think technology fits into personal relationships?

How do you use it?

What do you like about it?

What do you dislike about it?

Where do you think it’s headed?

Hey Guys,

So there is this guy I’ve known for about 7 years and we’re both going to be juniors in high school. I’ve felt for a long time that he liked me, because he’d always be around and be mean to me and stuff,(I don’t know what that means), but we have nothing in common. We just kinda got put together as friends. This past year we would fight a lot and he would always make sure that we were still friends. Most of the fights were on Facebook chat. I would always tell him about the guys I liked and ask for advice, partially to let him know that I didn’t like him. This year he had a girlfriend for a few months, but still flirted heavily with me. Then after they broke up and a few days after I was rejected, he told me he wanted to kiss me. So we got together that night and just kissed. I told him I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but we did anyway. After that it was normal until we hung out again and kissed more. Now I think that I like him, but whenever we talk we get each other mad, because we know how to push each other’s buttons. I realize now that I really like him, but it’s summer and he has a girlfriend. We haven’t seen each other, only emailed twice. First I started then he started and both times ended in a fight. I’m just frustrated because I still feel like he likes me. He’s said he doesn’t like me, but at the same time he does, and that he is confused. Now I am too. Please help. Does he like me? I’ve felt something between us for a long time.

Anya

Dear Anya,

Thanks for writing. We’re a bit confused too!

So let’s get this straight. You are friends with this guy, but you kind of like each other too. You’re both not sure what you want. You’ve kissed. Now you realize you like him. He says he likes you but has a girlfriend. You fight a lot.

That sums it up, right?

We’re sorry you’re having a hard time Anya. It’s painful to finally decide you like someone and then have them reject you, at least partially.

He sounds like he’s confused and maybe not sure what he wants. Most 17 year old guys-we’re assuming that’s about how he is-change their minds from week to week, or even day to day. He probably does like you, but he wants to date other people too. He probably values your friendship, but it’s not enough for him to stop some of the other things that he enjoys. It’s the nature of the beast Anya.

The best thing you can do is make it clear that you like him, but don’t pressure or hound him. (And not on Facebook!) He’s going to have to come around on his own. He’ll appreciate you more if he realizes how great you are without you having to tell him.

So the good news is, yes, he probably does like you. But the bad news is, there’s not much you can do, but sit back and watch. You could be his friend while he’s dating other people, but is that what you want? Do you want to be someone he confides in about other girls? We doubt it.

We’re hoping he comes around. But if not, don’t fret. We’re sure there are more cool guys in your school. And once you start dating someone else, this guy will want you back. Yes, the game playing has already begun unfortunately. And guys like a little cat and mouse; as long as they get to catch the mouse occasionally.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. It might be a good idea to conduct your personal affairs away from Facebook or any other social networking site. That’s just trouble waiting to happen. We see it time and time again.

If you have a question for THE GUYS, ask away. Leave us a note on the Ask the Guys page of our website. We’ll answer it here, or on our podcast, or both.

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Dear Guys,

I’m a middle aged woman dating again.  I’ve been dating a man for awhile. We had broken up for a period of time but got back together.  During that time apart he dated and was intimate with another woman.  He has a Facebook account as do I.  He blocked me but has this other woman he was with as a friend.  He also accepted a woman as a friend who he knew caused me a lot of problems in the past.  If he cared for me why would he keep them and block me?
Thank you for your input.

Lee Ann
Dear Lee Ann,

Thanks for writing. It seems Facebook issues have struck again. We’re sorry.

We’re not sure what it is about Facebook, My Space, and some of these other social networking sites, where people feel they can do or say anything without any repercussions. It’s like the wild, wild west but with no sheriff.

How long have you been back together? Is it possible you were blocked during the time of your break up and he hasn’t unblocked you yet? It’s at least worth a conversation, which is what we’re recommending in general. We think the best thing to do is to talk with your friend and see what’s going on. If you don’t like his explanation, or if he doesn’t give you one, it’s time to move on.

Our gut feeling is, he’s keeping his options open. If he is way into you why is he blocking you? What is your gut telling you? And why did you break up in the first place? Maybe those issues are still looming.

And one note about Facebook. It’s great for businesses who are trying to keep in touch with their customers or fans. (We have a fan page.) And it’s great for people who are curious to know what all their high school chums are up to. But it’s just a bit too public to use as a way to keep in touch on a regular basis. Email, or even that old relic, the phone, is a better alternative. That way, both you and the person you’re communicating with act as sheriffs.

Good luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS