Read for more info on this topic: International long distance; is it possible

Hello Guys,

I met this guy about four months ago on social networking site. At that time, I was just getting out of a year-long relationship and was not looking for anything serious. He was trying to figure out what to do with his ex-wife who can’t seem to make up her mind about him. Divorce is kind of new in their country. We both have sons from previous marriages. In our conversations, we also spoke about his mom (who was dying at that time). He asked me to visit his country after a month of talking. I agreed.

I was unprepared for who he really was when I met him. He turned out to be a very successful businessman who gave me such an awesome fairy-tale holiday. We were very couple-ish during my stay and he was doing everything above and beyond to please me. We both have this amazing connection to each other. But I was trying so hard to keep it casual because I had no idea where this was going.

I went back to my country and was convinced it was just a fling. (And a great one at that.) But then he continued to call me, message me, tell me he misses me. I was floored because there really isn’t anything else to do. We already had sex so I don’t know what else is there for us. But he said he’s happy with going with the flow. That’s all there is, as this is long distance. Neither would consider relocating to each other’s country.

But we continued to talk and solidify our bond. Until one day two months back, his ex-wife shows up along with their kid saying she wants him back. Again. She’s been doing that for the last six years since they divorced. Anyway, he calls me to explain everything. I was cool about it. In fact, I was wondering why he needed to call. We were just friends. He couldn’t kick her out as that would have customary and social implications in their country. I took the high road and walked away but never lost touch really. Mostly because he reaches out first.

Now we’re seeing each other for another holiday in Bangkok which he says is a gift and then he’s coming to visit my country. And I’m already at my wits end figuring out what he wants from me. Because with everything he’s done, he’s never said how he feels for me. As in zero. Nothing. I on the other hand have feelings for him.

Help!

Tash

Dear Tash,

Thanks for your question.

Considering the situation, and the fact that neither of you is willing to move, we’re not sure what you’re going to get out of this other than frustration. Throw in the fact that he operates under the control of his ex-wife—who may or may not become his wife again—we only see you falling neatly into the role of the “other woman.” Because if he’s back together with his ex-wife, then you are the person he’s having an affair with, which means he’s now cheating on her.

He’s definitely attracted to you and enjoys your company on many levels, otherwise he wouldn’t be trying to see you again. However, if you decide you want to be with him understand that this is not going to give you the fairy tale ending. He’s going to get his cake and eat it too, and you’re going to be an occasional fling he enjoys a few times a year. We only see you becoming more confused and more frustrated no matter how great the connection is, and no matter how wonderful your time is with him.

We’re not judging here we’re just stating the facts from an objective perspective. You need to decide if you’re okay with the parameters of the relationship and then make your decision whether to see him again.

Feel free to leave us a comment or ask us a follow up question. We’ll respond in the comments section.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! You might enjoy our “Relationship Memoirs” page, especially Charlotte Pescale’s “Rebecca, a memoir.”