Young Love; how do I get around his girlfriend?

My name is "M" and I'm 14. I hope that's not weird. There's this guy I'm way into. His name is "N" and he's sixteen. The good news is that he's my dad's best friend's nephew so I've already won with my parents x3! The prob is that he has an emo girlfriend. Well he obviously doesn't care about her too much because he came out of the school and pulled up my Finn hood and said I looked cute in it. Then he put his hands in my back pockets, nibbled my ear and kissed me!! So I know he likes me but how do I get around his lady friend...!? "Lovestruck and Confused.

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Should I break up with my high school love when I head to college? (Relationship and Dating Advice)

Dear Guys,

I have a boyfriend of four months. He is 18, I’m 17. He is convinced that I am the one for him. He has a full-time job and his life has already started. I, on the other hand, have college, and other life experiences ahead. I really care about him, and I can see myself with him. My parents think that I should experience college without that extra “baggage” of a boyfriend when I leave. I am not totally sure what to do. I want this to work out; I want to be with him, but then I have doubts. I know that at college you need to experience everything, get to know new people, and find who is compatible with you. He has already planned to propose to me after our one year. I want him to wait. We have had sex, and I feel like because of that I need to stay with him. I don’t want to go through the emotional toll of breaking up, or hurting him, but I don’t know what to do. I’m really struggling with this whole situation in general.  I can see myself getting married to him and spending my life with him, but we have to get to that point.

What should I do? Stay with him and work through it when I’m at college? End it, and see what happens?  I’m at such a loss. Please, any advice would be great!

Thank you!
Erin

Dear Erin,

Thank you for your question. This is a very complex issue you are dealing with. Hopefully we can help you sort this out.

Let’s start with your parents. All parents want their children to be happy, but it’s more than that. They also want them to realize their full potential. College is a huge step towards doing just that. Your parents want you to experience all that college has to offer. They want you to be open to new ideas, new people, and new discoveries, because they understand—they’ve lived many more years than you—that you are just beginning the process of self-discovery and self-actualization. We don’t know how they feel about your boyfriend, but they see him, and this relationship, as impeding your ability to become who you are meant to be. They also don’t want you to “waste” any more of your time on a relationship they feel is eventually going to end. (Most high school relationships do end eventually, but of course, not necessarily.)

We see your situation as a timing issue. Your boyfriend may be a wonderful guy, and possibly the rare young guy who is actually ready for a committed relationship, but the timing is off. If you go to college with one foot back at home, you are going to regret it later, and possibly resent your boyfriend for holding you back. On the other hand, if you break up with your boyfriend per your parent’s wishes, you may regret that as well, and be upset with your parents.

Ultimately this is your decision. But if we had to choose we’d say go to college and experience it to the fullest. And who knows after that. If down the road, you and your boyfriend are both open to the idea, you could give it a go then. He seems like a good guy, and sometimes good guys are hard to find. And, maybe with four more years of experience you’ll be more comfortable making the decision of whether or not you want to build a life with him.

What do you think? Does this help or confuse you more? Let us know your thoughts in the comments’ section below. And ask as many follow up questions as you’d like.

THE GUYS

ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. (Maybe your parents too.) Thanks. We appreciate it.

Questions about high school dating and/or questions about virginity: 

High school dating: Am I hot or not? 

Do looks matter? 

I slept with my virgin friend; bad decision, and now I feel badly

 

Relationship and Dating Advice: My boyfriend is going to Homecoming with another girl

Dear Guys,

So my exboyfriend and I dated for a year. We broke up due to the fact he was brewing some kind of relationship with this girl, or more of a way too friendly friendship. It caused us to fight so much and to tear down the trust we had for each other. After plenty of arguments and screaming I walked away from him.

After a few months we became friends again; but now we still treat each other like were still together. I love and care for him very much and I can tell he has been trying to change his bad ways and really feels regret for putting me through so much sorrow with that other girl. Well now that we are kind of in a relationship again—sort of— the issue of homecoming came up. I unfortunately got asked out by some guy a month ago, which I said yes to because I felt badly and also, my boyfriend and I weren’t as close as we are now. Well now my boyfriend asked out some girl which I’ve been feeling really jealous about. She’s gorgeous and I can tell is totally interested in him. Since our last incident with the other girl, I haven’t been completely able to trust him. I told him how uncomfortable I felt about him asking her and he did it anyway. He tells me nothing will happen, but I just can’t seem to trust him nor can I trust her. I know it’s not fair for me to tell him not to go with her anymore, but I’m so jealous.

I knew he felt a little sting when I got asked out, but he knows my date are I just friends. Do you think it’s wrong of me to ask him to not take this other girl? Should I just trust him and let him go with her?

Liz

Dear Liz,

Thanks for your question. We agree that this is a bummer. But this kind of thing actually happens quite a lot. (Two ways.) Your way, where people break up, get back together and end up going to the dance with different people. Or, people get asked to Homecoming—possibly by just a friend—and then they start dating someone else. It’s always a bit awkward, but not usually more than that.

So, what do you think? Do you think it’s fair of you to ask him not to go to Homecoming, especially since you’re already going, and the two of you are only “kind of” in a relationship? And even if you were in a relationship, would it be fair to ask him not to go? Would you then tell your date you’re not going with him?

We understand why this is upsetting, but this is something you’re going to have to push through. Look, what’s the worst that can happen? He decides he likes her and not you, or they hook up or something. Yes, that would be very upsetting; but if that’s all it took for him to dump you and date someone else then you’re saving yourself a lot of heartache. Because if that’s the way he thinks, even if you avoided it now by asking him not to go, it would eventually happen some time in the future. (We’re hoping he doesn’t think that way.)

So go to the dance, try to have fun, don’t make a big deal of it, and don’t ruin your date’s time by looking over your shoulder the whole night. Think about how he’ll feel.

Hopefully this will just be another bump in the road; and maybe it will actually be a good test to see if what you have with your “kind of” boyfriend is really as strong as you think. If you get past this, then you’re on your way to a more solid and trusting relationship, and if you don’t, then it’s time to move on, and you’ll be better off without him.

Let us know if you have any follow up questions. Leave in the comments section below.

Take care and HAVE FUN,

THE GUYS

ps. Please share our site with friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

Another question about Homecoming:

Homecoming Dance; I think I really like him

 

How do I approach guys without them getting too worked up?

Dear Guys,

I usually go for the ‘nerdy’ guys because I’m a gamer and like Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, etc. And, being 16, I’ve never had a boyfriend, probably because I was at the all girl’s school. But when I do meet a guy, he’s usually a douche who thinks they’re ontop and can get all the girls. I can see that they get turned on by me, even without the slightest bit of flirting, but I feel a bit uncomfortable when it’s just the two of us because I don’t see anything I’m interested in. They are the type of over-confident, get-in-your-pants sort of guys, which is fine (and hot) but not really ‘love’ for me. Only one of the twenty I’ve met has been humble and shy with respect towards girls, but he was already in a relationship. He also said that he found me attractive and far from desperate. I know that some guys aren’t mature yet and go crazy when girls get too close. I just keep losing the ‘nerds’ to girls who don’t really like them, and attract the ones I don’t like and just want me for ‘it.’

How do I approach a guy I don’t know without being too flirty that it makes them horny (which is hot)? Also, how much do you change when you’re in a relationship? Also, is it better for girls to judge funny and smarts over looks? And, how do quiet guys see girls who are out of their ‘league?’ How do I tell them that they can have a chance with me? I’m sorry, I’m really new. Everyone says, ‘How are you still single?’ and ‘You can do WAY better than that.’ I don’t understand. I know common interests are a great place to start but the all girls school is annoying.

Mona

Dear Mona,

Thanks for your questions.

Our first piece of advice—which will be difficult for you because it’s difficult for anyone in high school—is to stop listening to your friends or classmates. They don’t know what’s best for you, only you do. And what do they mean when they say you can do better than that? What are they basing that on? Looks? Popularity? Coolness? In a word: whatever.

All young guys are horny and out of control, especially high school guys. This doesn’t stop with the over-confident athletic guys, yes, even the nerdy guys are. (They’re just too embarrassed to show it. And maybe too nice.) But rest assured they’re thinking the same thoughts as the other guys. But they’ll also be thinking about how interesting you are, and they’ll be thinking they want you as their girlfriend. The rest will be thinking about sex. Don’t be too hard on them, it’s just the way it is. But it’s good to be aware of this and not be fooled.

To your other questions.

1. Many women say humor is the top quality they look for in a guy. Why? Because relationships should be fun. Also, humor often implies intelligence which is probably the other top quality women look for. Many say intelligence is sexy. But this is all subjective Mona. The bigger question is what do what do you find attractive? That’s the question you need to ask yourself. (And this will fluctuate and change as you change in your life. That’s normal.) Figure out what YOU want and focus on that. It’s okay to want a cute guy. Just be honest with yourself. The key Mona is to find a guy that’s right for you, someone who makes you happy and someone you have fun with. That guy is out there for you, but it’s a matter of being open to all guys, and giving guys a chance even if you’re not sure at first.

2. Guys are intimidated by women/girls who are out of their league. But that still doesn’t mean you have to approach them. If the guy doesn’t have the confidence to approach you, maybe he’s not mature enough to be in a relationship. So be patient. You’re young. Believe us, as guys mature and gain more self-confidence, it won’t just be the cocky guys approaching you.

Does this help? Have we touched upon all your questions? You should read some of the other posts at the bottom of this post. Feel free to ask us a follow up question anytime. And leave us a comment here in the comments section.

Hang in there.

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!

Other questions to check out: 

A confused girl; the prom

The prom 

High school dating: Am I hot or not? 

Can a guy’s taste really change? 

Do looks matter? 

High school dating to college long distance

 

 

Finding a date for prom

Other questions about the Prom: (If you have a question about your upcoming prom, ask away.)

A confused girl; the prom

The prom 

Also Read:

Do looks matter?   and  High school dating: Am I hot or not? 

_____________________________________

Dear Guys,

I’m a senior in high school and prom is two months away.

I switched schools my junior year and I’ve had trouble making friends—from being shy—so I’m not really close friends with anyone at my new school, especially with guys. Also, I’ve never been asked to anything before, so I’m a little worried that I won’t get asked for prom.

So I guess my question is this: Should I dwell on having a date, if I don’t get asked? Should I even go at all?

Thank you for reading,

Morgan

Dear Morgan,

Thanks for your question.

There’s a lot of hype and fantasy around high school prom. Boys are often told by their older brothers, or older guys “that know,” that it’s a night where girls will be more open to giving up the “goods” so to speak. Just the thought of that possibility is enough to make them woozy with excitement. For girls, prom is sometimes thought of as a trial run to that magical wedding they hope to have someday. But the reality is, the actual night certainly can be fun, but it rarely lives up to expectations.

But still, we encourage you to go if at all possible, because for every person the experience is different. Some people actually do have a great time, and it is a unique part of the high school experience that only happens at this time in your life. But we’d recommend going with another person. (Going by yourself won’t be much fun, unless you go with a group of other singles. But that might be difficult since you don’t know many people at the school.)

But there are other options besides having a guy ask you out and going by yourself. The key is to not dwell on the date aspect of this. Who constitutes your “date” can be very loosely defined.

The person could be:

1. An official date where a boy asks you to go.

2. A guy friend whom you feel comfortable going with as just friends.

3. A girl friend whom you feel comfortable going as friends so you can check out the scene.

If there’s no one at your new school to go with, have you thought about asking someone from your old school? It might seem far-fetched but it’s not. A few of  us (GUYS) went to proms at other schools, even in other states. (And of course a few of us didn’t even go to prom.) There’s also the option of going to the prom at your old school. Did you have someone special there? Even just a good friend to go with? Something to think about.

Morgan, give it another few weeks; if it looks like you’re not going to get asked—and don’t feel badly about this because high school boys won’t ask a girl unless they’re sure the girl will say yes; and since you’re new, and no one really knows you that well, you are a mystery, and thus not a sure thing—you need to get proactive and see if you can find a date to go with. We know this isn’t ideal, but it’s worth making the effort.

However, Morgan, if nothing works out, treat yourself to something fun that night, and try not to worry about it. It’s not a reflection of you, it’s just circumstance.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks! Join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz

 

 

 

 

High School Dating: How do I get this guy in biology to notice me?

Other questions about dating in high school: 

Am I hot or not? 

Dating older guys: Video

High school dating to college long distance

This girl is driving me mad

Homecoming Dance; I think I really like him

Does this older guy like me? 

Does my coach love me, or am I being delusional? 

_______________________________

Hey Guys,

Okay, so there’s this guy in my class named Ryan. He was in one of my other classes last year, so we both know each other. My best friend and his best friend almost dated each other so we have hung out out side of school before. But that was only once, and now that our friends don’t really like each other any more we don’t hang out at school any more either.

He is in my bio class and we will talk to each other in groups but I don’t have his number or anything, so I can’t really text him at all. I’m kind of starting to like him because he seems really cool and we’re both artists and I feel like we could really get along well together. I just don’t know how to get him to notice me or talk to me more. I know this will sound weird but his mom has kind of a a rockabilly/pinup style and that’s the way that I dress too, so would that make him not like me because I would remind him of his mom?

I’ve never had a boyfriend before, and I’m not the most ordinary girl. I have sandy blonde hair and I don’t wear what every other girl is wearing. I always thought that guys would want to go for the girl that doesn’t look or dress like every other girl, but that hasn’t really worked out for me ahahaa. But I haven’t seen him with a girl at all or heard about him having a thing with a girl so I know he’s definitely single, and he knows I’m single. I’m very independent, and some of my friends have told me that I am very intimidating when it comes to my personality, which I don’t understand because I feel like I’m one of the nicest, drama-free people in my whole group of friends ahaha.

So yeah, I just want to know what I’m doing wrong. I suck at flirting because I haaate girls that make it sooo obvious that they’re trying to flirt with a guy. And I hate girls that are easy so I try not to be one of those girls. Well thanks for reading my looong message, and hopefully this will help me out.

Thaaanks,

Tatum. (:

Dear Tatum,

Thanks for your question.

We applaud you for being an individual and following your own passion and style. High school—we’re assuming you’re in high school—can be difficult for kids who buck the trend and do their own thing. Good for you. But that can be intimidating to people, especially to young guys.

An independent girl that doesn’t necessarily care if some guy is a good athlete or part of the “in crowd” is an enigma to young guys, because guys are so used to attracting girls because of something they’re good at instead of who they are—an interesting and good person perhaps. So we can imagine many of the guys at your school don’t quite know what to make of you, or how to handle you. (It doesn’t matter that you’re really nice and drama-free. It’s all about perception. And young guys are pretty insecure when it comes to strong, passionate, and focused girls.)

We’re not sure where this guy falls in the scope of high school guys but he still is a young guy so he might need some help here. Meaning, you’re going to have to make it obvious to him that he’s not going to be rejected if he pursues you beyond friendship. Don’t you have some friends that could drop a hint or two? Or is there some art show, or gallery the two of you could go to? Or something else casual that you could invite him to? If he likes you, he might welcome you taking the initiative. And with some relaxed hang, especially if it was during a Saturday afternoon or something, you could kind of make it seem like it was a friendly outing instead of a date. After that, there’s not much else you can do. If he doesn’t take the reigns after you’ve made it easy for him then he’s either not interested or too insecure to pursue you.

But don’t over think this. The fact that you dress like his mom is not causing him not ask you out. If a guy is attracted to you then he’s attracted to you. It wouldn’t matter if you were the kind of girl that wore hats with faux furry woodland creatures attached to them. If a guy thinks you’re cute/hot he’ll pursue you no matter what.

So we hope this helps a little. Good luck. And leave us a comment and get us up to date. Feel free to ask us a follow up question.

THE GUYS

ps. Please let your friends know about us. Show us some love on Twitter: @TGPBuzz (We’re new there) Thanks!

 

Does this older guy like me?

For Real Time Discussion join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz

Some recent questions:

Dating my ex’s friends: Friends with Benefits

I suggested Friends with Benefits; Did I just dig myself into a hole

Contemplating a long distance relationship; Could we be something more? 

Why did we really break up?

I cheated on him; should I tell him?

Divorced and now online dating; Am I booty call or more?

Dear Guys,

Ok, so I’m 15 year old and I like this guy that just graduated from my highschool. He is a freshman in college now. We both are interested in volleyball and I guess whenever he isn’t in school, at work, or doing volleyball, he comes to help out our varsity team. I see him like 2-3 times a week. I can sort of tell he is into me but I’m not sure. He helps me out a lot when I’m stuck on something and is very supportive. (More supportive than he is to the other girls)

For example: We recently had a home game and it was an important one, too. It was towards the end of the game and the coach called a timeout. And during the timeout this guy got me a cup of water and said, “You’re tired but don’t worry about that. Just push through it.” But I didn’t really catch on to what he did until after the game and then that’s when it hit me. LOL!

He smiles or laughs sometimes whenever I trip or make a corny joke. Or he just says “stop” but in a jokingly way. He watches me a lot too and tells me what I’m doing wrong so I can fix it.

Should I try talking to him? Because everytime we DO talk it’s abut volleyball. But I also don’t want to distract him from his college stuff. UGHHH! I don’t know if he is just being friendly or what, but I need to have something to go off of here!

Sooo, does he like me?

Tay

Dear Tay,

Thanks for your question.

So being 15 years old makes you either a freshman or sophomore in high school, right? And this guy is a freshman in college so he’s likely 18 going on 19, right? We’re just trying to get the facts straight. Because in addition to your question, we also feel we need to address the age disparity.

From what you describe we would say that yes, he likes you, or at least that he’s attracted to you. But he’s in a funny position. Not only is he the “assistant coach” to your volleyball team, but he’s an older, and legal guy, who’s possibly interested in a younger girl, who’s underage. We’re not saying you should feel weird about this, or that he’s creepy. In a few years, a three to four year age difference won’t even be a consideration. But right now it’s kind of a big deal, and honestly there’s no way he can really pursue you beyond a friendship. And he shouldn’t really.

Have you watched our video on dating older guys? It’s a little snarky but it’s all true. You should check it out. And have your friends check it out as well.

We also don’t think it’s a good idea for you to pursue him at this point. We think you should just keep doing what you’re doing. Be friendly, or be friends with him. Enjoy each other’s company when you see him and maybe keep the lines of communication open with him. If he’s still in the picture in a few years(when you’re 18 or so), maybe you can explore something then. Relationships are as much about love and attraction as they are about timing. The timing isn’t quite right here Tay.

We hope this wasn’t too discouraging for you. We try to be as positive and supportive as we can, but it’s even more important for us to be honest and straightforward.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us. Thanks!

 

 

 

Homecoming Dance: I think I really like him

Dear Readers,

Join us on Twitter: We just joined. @TGPBuzz

Check out our latest video: Rule #666: Guys are comfortable with conflict

Thanks for your interest. We are trying our best to answer all of your questions as quickly as we can. However, due to the number of questions we receive each day, you can expect to wait about a month before your question gets addressed. And keep in mind, that even though we try, it’s not possible for us to answer every single question.

Also, thanks to those of you who have donated. It does take a considerable amount of time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. (Please consider a donation. We have been known to answer those questions quickly.)

THE GUYS

For Real Time Discussion join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz

Some recent questions:

Friends with benefits: why me? 

Kissing Cousins: Should we date? 

This girl is driving me mad

Long distance: Should I pursue? (Follow up)

He’s not willing to commit; where is this going?

What is going on in my marriage; I’m confused and tormented

Hey Guys,

I’m a sophomore and I really like this senior guy too. He asked me to Homecoming, and he’s always texting me. He came over to dinner and even met my embarrassing parents. (I’m still surprised he’s semi-interested in me after meeting them). I sat next to him on a bus ride to one of our sports’ meets, and I listened to his music and he even let me lean on his shoulder to fall asleep. He said I’m nice, pretty, and beautiful, but it seems like I’m annoying him sometimes when we text. It seems like he doesn’t really want to talk to me very much. What do I do???

Mia

Dear Mia,

Thanks for your question. So have you already gone to the Homecoming Dance? It’s been close to a month since you wrote to us. If you have, you probably already have a lot more information about the situation.

To us it seems clear he’s into you. He wouldn’t have asked you to Homecoming if he wasn’t. But the question is more about, “HOW” he’s into you, or WHY? Meaning, does he like you because you are beautiful on the outside, or does he really want to get to know you as a person?

On the positive side, he passed the “parent test.” He was able to tolerate your parents, even if they were embarrassing you. (Isn’t that what parents are supposed to do??) What did your parents think of him?

On the flip side, the fact that he gets annoyed by your texting makes us wonder what his intentions are. Here’s a little excerpt from one our videos: Dating an older guy (Keep in mind that this is tongue and cheek, but there’s truth to it.)

Quote:

If you’re under the legal age—which means you’re in high school— you should not be dating an older guy…period. Most freshman and sophomore boys are harmless enough because they are paralyzed by breasts, walking around like zombies carrying their books in front of their privates hiding what’s obvious to everyone around them. But junior and senior guys are more savvy. Their confidence is attractive to you, but that’s why you need to stay far away. They are like just born nomadic vampires with hypnotic powers they can’t control. You might think you’re mature enough to handle them but you’re not. These guys, no matter how cool they seem, are interested in you for one thing, and we hope you’re at least old enough to guess what that is.

End Quote

You see our point Mia. We’re not saying all senior guys are like this, but this is certainly something to consider. But rest assured, he’s definitely attracted to you.

Good luck and feel free to ask us a follow up question.

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us. And please consider a small donation to THE GUY’S PERSPECTIVE. (See PayPal button on right side of every page of our site. It does take considerable time to answer questions thoughtfully and thoroughly.)

This girl is driving me mad

Dear Readers,

Join us on Twitter: We just joined. @TGPBuzz

Thanks for your interest. We are trying our best to answer all of your questions as quickly as we can. However, due to the number of questions we receive each day, you can expect to wait about a month before your question gets addressed. And keep in mind, that even though we try, it’s not possible for us to answer every single question.

Also, thanks to those of you who have donated. It does take a considerable amount of time to answer your questions thoughtfully and thoroughly. (Please consider a donation. We have been known to answer those questions quickly.)

THE GUYS

For Real Time Discussion join us on Twitter: @TGPBuzz

Some recent questions:

The Duality of Men

How to ask about sex? 

Is my ex-boyfriend still into me?

He’s a musician. Is he worth the wait?

Will he come back?

He won’t bring me out with his friends

Friends with benefits: why me? 

Kissing Cousins: Should we date? 

Hey Guys,

This has been bothering me so I thought an outside opinion may help. I have known this girl for about two years. And six months ago it started to get more serious. We started hanging every day and a couple months after that we had sex. Everyone who knows is all congratulating me but I feel like it didn’t mean or change anything. And now that school has started back up and things like the ACT are looming we don’t spend as much time together, which is normal except now, for the past few days I hear about how everyone sees her with her ex and it looks like they are dating.

I don’t really know what to do cuz this dude is starting drama I don’t need, and this girl doesn’t want to date me. (She says she would but she doesn’t want a boyfriend.) I care about her a lot but I am just confused.

Am I being played? Should I wait it out? I don’t know please help.

Dom

Dear Dom,

Thanks for your question.

So we’re not completely sure of all the details, but our best guess is, over the summer the two of you consummated your relationship, but without talking much about it. (We’re assuming you only had sex one or two times.) In fact, is it possible both of you actually avoided defining the relationship?—her because she didn’t want to be in one and you because you were uncertain of where she stood. And now that school is started up again, still not having talked about it, she is hanging out with her ex and you are left wondering.

According to some of the younger guys on our crew, high school is still about “going out” with one person rather than dating around. And if this girl is saying she doesn’t want a relationship with you, even after the two of you have had sex, it seems pretty clear that she’s not interested in more than a friendship and an occasional romp in the hay. It is pretty atypical that this girl would have sex with you and then not want to at least talk about a relationship with you, but she hasn’t wavered from that decision so it seems pretty clear that she in fact does not want to be tied down. (Unless she’s lying to spare your feelings and she really isn’t interested in you at all. That is something you should consider. And if that is what’s going on, yes, she might be playing you, and actually already dating her ex.) Either way, the message seems the same to us: She’s moved on.

The only way to be sure is to tell her how you feel and ask her directly what she’s really feeling. Of course if you do that, the drama will begin—with her, AND this other guy—and we’re not so sure much will come of it except more confusion for you. But it’s up to you.

One note: Many people, especially young people, think that sex leads to commitment. But in fact it’s the other way around. Sex is even better when it comes after commitment.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. Let your friends know about us. You might enjoy our last article, “The Duality of Men.”

 

 

Is my ex-boyfriend still into me?

Dear Readers,

Thanks for your interest. We are trying our best to answer all of your questions as quickly as we can. However, due to the number of questions we receive each day, you can expect to wait about a month before your question gets addressed. And keep in mind, that even though we try, it’s not possible for us to answer every single question.

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Hi Guys,

I’m 14 and broke up with a guy about 6 weeks ago. We had been good friends for a year or so and we both liked each other for quite a while before we started going out. We only dated a few months, and we broke up because he said that I was flirty with other guys. He also said he is really stressed about his schedule since he is juggling school, homework, and sports. This makes it difficult to see each other.

Since we broke up he has been texting me almost everyday, but then sometimes he ignores me at school, especially around his football friends. Usually he starts texting me as soon as he finishes practice. There are other times that he talks to me or hugs me at school. I have asked him if he is over me and he says he isn’t. He has told me by text that he still misses me, but then a few days later he’ll tell me that I am not faithful because I flirt with others boys in class. He says that his football friends tell him everything.  He seems to know who is interested in me, and tells me the names of the boys.

Recently, the subject of Homecoming Dance came up. I asked him if he was going with anyone, and he said probably not. I’ve been hinting that I’m interested, but he hasn’t done anything about it. He then told me that a friend of his wants to ask me to Homecoming. He said that he wasn’t going to interfere with his friend’s plan since he knows that his friend wouldn’t do that to him. He said that if I wanted to go with his friend, it would be okay. Then he said, “I guess it would.”  I told him (by text) that I wanted to go with him, and I told him that I liked him. I didn’t get a response last night. I am so confused.

Does he still like me and just is trying to deal with his confusion and hurt feelings? Does he really want me to go to the dance with this other guy? Is this just a test to see how I feel about him? Help!!!! :[

Anne

Dear Anne,

Thanks for your question.

One thing’s for certain: If you go to the dance with this other guy you can kiss any chance you might have with your ex-boyfriend goodbye. So let’s start off by saying: Do not go to the dance unless you go with your ex.

Now let’s back up and start from the beginning. We think your ex-boyfriend still likes you, and probably never really wanted to break up with you in the first place. If he’s around your age it’s likely he’s just beginning to explore the world of girls and dating. This makes sense to us because his inexperience is causing him to be jealous. And instead of talking about how he feels with you, he’s placing the blame on you, calling you unfaithful and a flirt.

One word of caution Anne: You don’t want to be with someone who tries to control your every move. So if the two of you DO get back together, make sure you still have the freedom to be yourself, and hang out with the people you want to hang out with. This doesn’t mean you get a free pass to do whatever you feel like doing; it just means you don’t want to be with someone who stifles you.

Another complication here is how easily he’s influenced by his football friends. Of course this is pretty typical for teenagers. It’s the rare individual who can walk his own walk, even under the watchful eyes of his peers. In fact for many young people, the most important part of their lives is being accepted and liked by their peer group. This would explain why he acts differently when he’s at school and even more differently around his football buddies. And this is all part of the overall picture that tells us he’s insecure and very unsure of himself. (It doesn’t matter how he acts outwardly. Inside he’s confused, hurt, and unsure of himself.)

So how do we solve this problem? Let’s look at several issues, questions, and scenarios that you are facing.

1. If you go with his friend to the dance he’ll be crushed, and it’s unlikely he’ll ever go out with you again.

2. Even if he goes with you to the dance, he might feel uncomfortable about it because he knows his friend is also into you. And once again, being part of that peer group (The football guys) might take precedence over being with you.

3. How can you find out if he really wants to go out with you again without completely putting yourself at risk for rejection?

4. If the two of you go back out together, who’s to say he won’t start accusing you of “cheating” again?

The best case scenario is: You let him know how you feel and hopefully he’ll step up to the plate and ask you to the dance. If this doesn’t happen the next possibility is to ask HIM to the dance. We know this isn’t typically how things are done—and this certainly puts you in a precarious position of being hurt—but you will get an actual answer, and won’t be left wondering. Finally, you could also let him know you still like him and then leave the ball in his court. Meaning tell him you’d like to be with him again, but once you have that conversation, stop the casual flirting and texting until he really shows that he’s serious about going out with you again.

Finally we just want to say that part of what’s going on is par for the course for young people your age. We’re not saying that your feelings aren’t real. They are! But we are saying that young people, especially boys, are pretty fickle at this age. And even if you play this exactly right it still might not work out because of your respective ages.

We hope this at least gives you some insight into your situation. Leave us a comment and keep us posted.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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High school dating to college long distance relationship

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Dear Guys,

So my boyfriend and I have had a “thing” since 9th grade. We’ve been official for 17 months now and senior year is coming up. We both love each other very much and have always talked about going to college together. He’s from California and I’m planning to go to Uni in Washington. There was one point when I was feeling insecure about the idea of having a long distance relationship if it ended up that we went to schools in different states. He reassured me by saying that we could do it – we could do anything that we wanted and we could make it work if that’s what we wanted. This was a few months ago in February.

I asked him recently if he was still wanting to keep our relationship going after high school since senior year is starting soon. He responded by saying that he did not want to keep me from my dreams and from meeting other people and said how difficult it would be to go from seeing each other almost everyday to seeing each other MAYBE three months of the year. He also said that we could make it work if we wanted to and we could do anything, as he had said previously in February. Keep in mind that while talking about this, he is vising his home in California and I am still back at home. (We live overseas). We haven’t physically been together in about a month.

Some of my friends think that he’s scared about the future and is why he seems less sure now. One of my friends used to be really tight with him before we were dating, and she told me that before he asked me to be his girlfriend he would change his mind often, worrying about what to do. Obviously in the end, he asked me out. Do you think this is what is happening now? I love him very much and I know that long distance relationships are hard, and of course I’m aware that it might not work if we did it. But I don’t see the point in keeping a relationship when you know for a fact that it is going to end. He said that he would “happily” do long distance if that’s what I want. But I don’t think the decision should be completely mine. If it is going to work, we both should want it. We have only talked about this a couple of days ago and I’m now scared to talk about it anymore because I don’t want to pressure him, but at the same time I don’t want to have a relationship that I know will end.

Rae

Dear Rae,

Thanks for your question.

Clearly you’re a planner, and we can see you’d like to know what’s going to happen after high school. But what about senior year? It seems to us that you’re kind of jumping the gun here. College is a long way off, and a lot can happen before then. We’re not saying you should be worried because something might happen, but why not delay worrying about plans and enjoy your senior year together—or at least the first half? Sure we realize you have to choose your college by December, but you don’t have to choose to be in a long distance relationship until next fall.

It’s not a good idea to break up with someone just because you think it’s going to end a year from now. You have to let this play out. If the two of you stay together this coming year, the whole scenario will be much clearer. In four to six months, with all the new experiences you’ll have together, he may have a completely different mindset than he has now. He may be totally clear he wants to try a long distance relationship, and no longer be giving you mixed signals. Of course on the flipside, maybe one of you will decide it’s not what you want. But you have to just wait and see even if it’s hard. Otherwise you’re going to experience major regret.

Our advice is: Stop worrying about this now. Otherwise you’re going to “miss” all of next year. Life is about being present, not constantly looking to the future. Yes, it’s important to plan, but sometimes plans can’t be made until the time is right to make them. Does that make sense? Sometimes we need more experiences and time to make a more informed, and clearer decision.

So have some fun with the guy you love. And remember to keep talking about this, AND listening to each other. You’re right, both of you should want this, so try and work this out together. Communication is the key to a successful relationship. This may work out, and it may not, but let it all happen organically.

Good luck,

THE GUYS

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This guy at my school

If you have  a relationship question, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

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Hey Guys it’s Tatum,

(Note from THE GUYS. We left question as we got it. So we summed up the question below in bullet points.)

I asked you guys a question around December (which i don’t expect you to remember) about this guy at my high school who kept staring at me every time I would go to cheer practice. But i didn’t know his name or what grade he was in… but I knew he was older than a freshman. So I went and investigated, like you said, and I looked through my sister’as old yearbook from the year before. I looked at the freshman, and sophomore sections and I couldn’t find him! Then a few days later I was looking for this football player and I knew he was a sophomore last year, and his last name started with a Z, so I had to go to the last page of pictures… And then of course, there was my mystery boy who I was going crazy over to find. So then being a teenage girl hahaa i went on Facebook and looked him up. We had like alllll of the same friends and so I had to add him! Then once he had accepted me I was contemplating whether to message him, but I just didn’t know how to do it. But I grew some balls and messaged him saying “I know you have no clue who I am but I have a question… (:” and he messaged me back a few hours later and said “hello, aha whats your question.” and i just (being me) asked flat out, “Why do you always stare at me when I’m walking to the girls locker room after lunch?” And he was like “I stare at you?” And we went back and forth for awhile. Then I said I had to go because I had cheer practice. Then like an hour later I messaged him saying I was very sorry for being so blunt and if I came off as a total bitch I truly didn’t mean to. And he was like, “Oh its totally cool.” So that was on January 7th, and we just kept talking over Facebook about everything that went on in our heads. And he was so interesting to talk to and he said the same thing about me. And every single time he said he had to go, but he said he would message me in a lil’ bit and he always would keep that promise, and we would keep talking for hours on end. And he rarely said he had to go. It was always me who was ending the conversation.

We went on like that until the end of January. And then we just flat out stopped talking for no reason, because I knew this wasn’t going any where. But every time I would see him outside of Facebook I got so nervous and I just ignored him which I knew I shouldn’t have. I seem to always see him now, and he knows where I walk every day because he walks the same way. His friends obviously know about me because whenever they see me they almost snicker at me. I always hoped he would maybe come up to me at school and say hi, or do something but I think he was waiting for me to jump at it first.

Why wont he just come and talk to me? He obviously knows I am nice, since he told me I was chill and laid back over Facebook, and would always make these little winky faces. Oh and he is an Aquarius and im an Aries by the way. All of my junior friends who know him always say, “he is a total sweet heart,” “ooh randall is so nice and is always just the best.”  But i dont know what to do because he is a junior and I’m only a freshman. Is that weird? I just can’t picture dating someone my own age. And all of my older friends say the same thing: that they cant see me with a boy my age. They say I’m way to mature for boys like that.

I truly dont know what to do. I’m just so confused. Please just help me figure out what this means. What he is trying to tell  me?

Thanks guys,
Tatum (:

Dear Tatum,

Thanks for your question. That was pretty “ballsy” of you to confront him like that on Facebook. We wish more guys would have that kind of confidence. Although, maybe a slightly subtler approach might work better in the future.

And of course we remember you. Thanks for contacting us again. So let’s see if we can figure this out, and maybe sum up for our readers what’s going on.

1. He stares at you. (For quite a while)

2. You are now Facebook friends which you initiated. (But not necessarily real friends.)

3. You asked him bluntly why he stares at you. He denied it.

4. You now chat on Facebook a lot, but nothing beyond that….no face-to-face interactions.

5. You always end the conversations on Facebook.

6. He still stares at you—at least you think so—and his friends snicker about the situation.

7. You don’t know what to do.

In our humble opinion we think you now need to wait until he makes a move. You’ve pretty much handed him the keys to the kingdom, and if he doesn’t take them he’s either not interested, too shy, or possibly dating someone else. The fact that you’re two years younger shouldn’t matter to him. Lots of guys date girls a few years younger in high school. We don’t necessarily recommend this for the young ladies, because two years is a big difference when you’re 15 and 17—not so much when you’re a bit older. And guys typically are on the prowl for one thing, and that puts pressure on girls to do things they might not be comfortable with. We certainly wouldn’t want our sisters and daughters being pressured to engage in activities that they weren’t ready for.

But you say you’re mature for your age so it could work for you. And yes, girls tend to mature more quickly than guys do anyway, so on an emotional level you’re probably a good match, and possibly you’re more mature than him at this point. But either way you’re still going to have to wait for him to make a move. If you are really set on being with this guy, keep doing what you’re doing. Keep the lines of communication open with him, but let him start initiating as much as you can. This might frustrate you a bit, but letting him take the reigns will give you a better indication of what his intentions are; and if he’s really into you.

Hang in there. And please leave us a follow up comment.

THE GUYS

ps. Subscribe to our blog, or podcast. And let your friends know about us. Relationship videos coming soon!

 

A confused girl; the prom

If you have  a relationship question, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

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Dear Guys,

Before I start my explanation I just want to say I’m sorry for how long this might end up being but I feel you must know certain things to understand everything. In other words this is going to be one hell of an explanation.

So there’s this guy that I’m friends with. I’ve known him for 5 years and I’ve liked him for a while now. I think it was a year or two ago he had said that he didn’t like me the way I liked him. I told him.(Which I feel like I shouldn’t have). We’re still close friends and we hang out and we can pretty much tell each other stuff. He also acts very differently with me than the other girls. My friends think he’s a flirt and a jerk but they don’t really know him like I do.

Just last summer when we were hanging out and we were dared to kiss—well actually make out. At first he didn’t want to because I could tell he felt a little awkward. However in the end we did kiss and not just once but twice—both a dare and the second time longer than the first. And after our make out session he had told me that he was “wooded.” (In other words, he was turned on but he said he didn’t know why for it doesn’t always happen.)

Also, about a month ago I was going to ask him to prom. In our conversation before I asked him he said he didn’t want to go. That’s when I said well I would’ve gone with you just as friends if you wanted. I then found out later from him that he had decided to go to prom so I was going to ask him by actually asking the question but we got interrupted. So instead I decided to use my drawing talent and draw his favorite football player catching a ball in the endzone with “prom” in the football. I guess I waited too long to ask because when I asked him he said “sorry but I already have a date.” But he still wanted to keep the picture. (I heard that he said it was special to him.)

Before prom I took a picture with him in which he held me tightly around the waist. After the picture, he did seem to let go of me slowly and when he let go completely our hands brushed. He then put his fingers slightly in between my own to interlock them slightly. I was surprised by his unexpected touch and as I responded the girl who asked him to prom called him over and that ended. Then at prom I’d be dancing with my friends then he’d appear somewhere near me. No matter where I went he was always there. I did dance with him once, in which we were very close to each other. But that as well was interrupted by his date who was calling him over to take a group picture that she was paying for. When she called him he seemed to not hear her though she wasn’t far and everyone could hear her. Then when he did hear her he was unsure/confused on what to do, for he hesitated in letting my waist go, and he let go slowly saying “sorry”. We didn’t dance again after that for he didn’t want to be disrespectful to his date.

What I’m confused about is well everything he has done. He says he doesn’t like me but we kissed; he didn’t have to but did and seemed to enjoy it because apparently that doesn’t always happen. And what was that before and at prom? Was that hand thing an accident and I’m just thinking too much? Why did he let me go slowly twice? And why was he always dancing with his date somewhere next to me? What the hell do I do?! I’m soo confused. Does he like me or not? Help me please!

Sincerely,
Carly, A very confused 18 yr old girl

P.S. Again I’m so sorry this is ridiculously long and detailed.

 

Dear Carly,

Thanks for your question. We don’t mind long and detailed at all. It gives us more information to formulate an opinion.

Your guy sounds as confused as you are, but a lot of it is his age. Teenage guys are especially “all over the place.” His hormones are going nuts; he’s surrounded by cute girls; he and his friends are competing; and he’s trying to keep it all together and look cool. And it isn’t possible.

Yes, you’re getting mixed signals, but we think you have to listen to what he’s saying. We understand the two of you had a moment, and it’s obvious he enjoyed himself, but that doesn’t mean he wants anything more than that, especially since he said he didn’t. “Getting wood” as you say, could happen just as easily while walking down the hallway at school, as it can making out with a girl. We’re not saying he wasn’t turned on by your “session” but just that the two things—physical contact and emotional bonds—are not necessarily linked for teenage guys. (Or for any guy for that matter.)

It also seems to us that if he was really into you the way you’re hoping, he would have asked YOU to the prom, instead of keeping his options open and then going with the first person who asked him. And that would explain why he might have been flirting with you at the dance. It’s likely he wasn’t way into his date. She asked, and he accepted. Simple as that. So he was letting you know that even though he was at the dance with her, he was not “taken.”

But Carly, just because he’s still available doesn’t mean he’s waiting for you, or that you’ll be happy if you ended up with him. We think he has some growing up to do. If it doesn’t bother you too much, why don’t you stay friends with him and just see what happens? Maybe in a few years he’ll mature and realize what a wonderful catch you are. But our gut tells us if something happens now, which it certainly could, it will be short lived and you’ll be more confused, and possibly resentful and hurt when it ends.

Please keep us posted. And leave us a follow up comment, either with new information, another question related to this, or your thoughts.

Here’s another post you might find interesting. Check it out.

Do looks matter?

Good luck,

THE GUYS

ps. One comment you said struck a funny chord with us: you said he didn’t always get “wood” when he made out. Is it possible he’s gay? We’re just wondering. That might explain some of the other inconsistencies as well. Of course we’re just sayin’. It crossed our mind so we figured we’d throw it our there.

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Deleting friendship on Facebook

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Please send us your photos. As soon as we get enough photos to create a fan section on the photo page we will.
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Thanks so much.

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Prom

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Dear Guys,

I need your advice. I like a guy, so I added him in on Facebook. Well, he accepted it but then later on I found out he deleted the news feed in his wall which showed that he was friends with me. He did not do it for his other friends.

Do you think I better look for other guys because to I feel like he’s saying he’s not interested in me despite the fact that I know one of his girl friends has been teasing him when she happened to read the news feed about our friendship Before he deleted it)?

Thanks,

Nyita

Dear Nyita

Thanks for writing to us.

Maybe we’re a bit out of touch, but does adding a guy on Facebook automatically mean you like them? If  that’s true, then we must have a ton of girlfriends that we are unaware of.

Facebook interactions should never replace face-to-face communication, but that’s what’s happening more and more. Social networks are fun to join, but they aren’t for matters of the heart. They are best for keeping in touch, sharing exciting news, posting pics—but not the kind you’ll regret later—and for other simple things like that. Once you try using it for me serious matters its inadequacy is exposed.

It’s time to move on Nyita. This guy does not seem interested. And he handled the situation very poorly. We’re sorry about that. However, this doesn’t mean you should feel the need to start looking for another guy right away.

We think you should spend time with your friends and do what you need to do with school and other activities. Focus less on finding a guy and more on some of the other things that make you happy. Your positive energy and outlook on life might just bring a new person to into your life. Sometimes the less we search the more the answers find us.

And please, keep your dating life off of Facebook.

All the best,

THE GUYS

ps. There is one way you can use Facebook. Join our fan page and let your friends know about us. Or even tell them face-to-face.

Prom

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it here, or on our podcast. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Please send us your photos. As soon as we get enough photos to create a fan section on the photo page we will.
Send to: advice@theguysperspective.com

Thanks so much.

Last week’s questions:

Confused by my marine

What is his problem?

Soon to be mom

How to start a long distance relationship?

Is this boy playing me?

He’s back, but is he into me?

This week’s questions:

Breaking Up

Long distance relationship: conflicted

Listen to our latest podcast:

Episode 35: Memorable moments from the first 34 episodes!

Dear Guys,

So, I just had prom. I was standing by myself and a boy that I know came up to me randomly to talk to me. He wasn’t my date or anything. When he was talking to me, it seemed like he wanted to ask me a question, but didn’t talk very much. He just came off the dance floor and was taking a break. I wanted to ask him if he wanted to dance, but I thought that would be awkward. Help please?

(We asked her to elaborate a bit.)

Yeah…mainly if he’s interested and how to follow up. And what should I do if it happens again. The convo ended on an awkward note before he left. I really wasn’t paying attention to him because I was finding my friend. But I like this person too, if that helps. Thank you! :)

Allyson

Dear Allyson,

Thanks for writing to us.

We’re assuming both you and this boy didn’t have formal dates. Which means both of you are single.

So how do you know this boy? Do you have classes together?

If he’s really interested, and not too shy-which we assume he isn’t because he approached you-then he’s probably trying to figure out a way to run into you so he can talk to you. Is there a way you can make this easier for him? Do you know his schedule, or does he play sports that you could go see, etc?

However, if he got the vibe that you weren’t interested since the conversation ended awkwardly then he might have already given up. If that’s the case you need to take the initiative. You could do this with the help of your friends, or you could figure out how to run into him and go from there. What about the cafeteria? We know that kids claim their territory and any kind of deviation in table seating can cause problems, but is it possible for you and some friends to eat next to his table? It might make it easier to have a follow up conversation. Or is there a local place that people go to? Find out where he hangs out and show up with some friends.

In the future, if you’re really interested in a guy, do everything you can to NOT make it awkward. Teenage guys are very insecure, even the guys who pretend they aren’t by strutting their stuff. It’s really hard for young guys to approach a girl because they aren’t used to being rejected like older guys, and also because young people in general will do anything they can to not look foolish in front of their friends. Guys are notorious for making fun of each other, and getting “dogged” by a girl is prime fodder. So understand when a guy comes to talk with you he’s taking a big chance, even if it doesn’t seem like it. So if you are interested make it easy on him. If you’re not, then the more awkward the better.

Hope this helps.

THE GUYS

ps. Feel free to join in the discussion and follow up with us. Leave us a comment. And let your friends know they can ask us any question any time. We know Prom season is ripe for confusion.

 

High School Dating: Am I hot or not??

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Next Up:

Four years and counting

Did he care at all?

Break up confusion

Dear Guys,

There’s this guy I’m friends with and before we met he always told his friend how hot I was. Well after we met for the first time he told his friend he liked my personality. So we started texting and had really good conversations. Then we hung out twice in a group, and after that he stopped texting. It’s like he didn’t care. My question is, how can a guy say stuff like that and talk to you until like 1:30am but then all of a sudden just stop?

I’m 17 and so is he. We go to the same school but never see each other there.

The only time that he’s kinda asked me out was last week. We were texting and he asked when I was leaving for spring break and I told him not until sometime during the week and he said “Gotcha. Sooo we are all gonna chill this weekend then?” And I said yeah we could go to the movies and he was cool with that, but we ended up not being able to go. The “all” in the message is in reference to his best friend and his girlfriend who happens to be my best friend; that’s how we met.

I’m black and he’s white; I don’t know if that makes a difference or not. It’s not an issue with either of us or our friends cause they’re interracial too. He also said that he respected that I am still a virgin and he said he hates guys that try to pressure girls into sex so I don’t think that’s his main goal. But, I also have had experiences with guys saying that and they turn out to be complete douches so I do have my guard up kinda.

One more thing, my friend said that she was reading her boyfriend’s chat message and the guy I’m into was supposedly hooking up with some girl, which didn’t really bother me because it’s not like we were dating, but I mean it still didn’t sit well with me…

Thanks so much for helping :)

Asia

Dear Asia,

Thanks for writing to us. Let’s try and sort this out.

This guy is fishing. He’s trying to figure out what his best play is. We’re not completely comfortable with his approach.

First of all, we don’t like to hear that this guy is hooking up with another girl. That’s a red flag in our eyes. On the one hand he says he respects you for being a virgin. But on the other hand he’s trying to get some action from some other girl while he’s pursuing you? What does this say to you? To us it says that his actions speak a little louder than his words.

We will cut him some slack since this is not atypical of a 17 yr. old guy, but really he should just come right out and ask you out instead of being passive and putting the onus on you.

For example. He should say:

“Would you like to go to the movies with me?”

Instead of:

“Are we gonna chill this weekend?”

The first example is active. He’s actively pursuing you. The second is passive. He’s trying to elicit some sort of response from you and get you to be the initiator. And you did just that by suggesting the movies.

Asia, it might feel good to take control, but in the end it’s going to backfire on you. No matter if you’re 17 or 35 or 55, let the man pursue you, at least at the beginning. That doesn’t mean you should play hard to get or play games, it just means, don’t make it easy for him by taking the reins.

So here’s what we think. Just see how this plays out, but let him pursue you. And if you hear about him hooking up with other girls, it might be time to check out some other possibilities yourself.

Best to you,

THE GUYS

Relationship Advice: What’s his problem? (Mixed Signals)

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Also check out Monday’s question: Long Distance Relationship: Am I doing the right thing?

Also check out yesterday’s question: My old flame: I’d like to try again.

Check out our whole archive of questions. You may find one that will help you figure out your situation. Scroll down.

Dear Guys,

Okay, so I used to crazy for this guy Matt. He was my neighbor and we used to be friends.  We would talk and blah blah blah all that kinda stuff.  I was 17 and he was 23.  One time I asked him to hang out with me and he said okay.  He was going to help me study for an exam and I said I’d call him later.  I did and he didn’t pick up the phone or ever called me back.  Then the next week he moved and we never spoke again.   That was the end of October.

Now I’m 18, and he texted me yesterday asking me how I was. At first I didn’t know it was him because I deleted his number after he didn’t call me back. And I figured it out without asking him but I decided to ask who it was anyway because I felt like being mean.  He told me it was him and I didn’t text back. So now  he’s all like, “So you dont want to talk to me huh?” And I’m like WTF, I talked to you when you still lived here.  Then, he texts me at 10pm the other night wanting to hang out and I was like okay but I’m not driving to your house 30 minutes away. You can come to mine and then he was like oh nevermind I’ll call you tomorrow and he never did.

What is his deal? Is he into me or not?

Courtney

Dear Courtney,

Thanks for writing to us.

We have one question for you: Why in the world would you agree to hang out with him when he texted you at 10pm!!??? Please say you won’t do that again. That’s not a path you want to with guys.

So to your question: He’s into you, but only when it’s convenient for him. It’s time to move on and meet some new guys, preferably closer to your own age.

Here are a few things to think about. Please relay these to your friends as well.

1. If a guy only texts or calls the evening he wants to see you, he only wants one thing from you-sex. Bad news.

2. A six year age difference at 17 is huge, especially if the girl is younger. When you’re in your twenties it’s not that big of a deal, and when you’re even older  it doesn’t matter at all. But for now, stick to guys closer to your age. Girls, you gotta ask yourself, why is this guy not going out with girls/women his own age? Answer: Because they’re not interested in him. Hmm……

3. Boys, guys, men-should ask you out on proper dates, not just to hang out at their apartments or cars late at night.

4. Don’t settle. Be true to yourself and find someone who respects you, and loves you, not just someone who wants to have sex with you.

Good luck Courtney.

THE GUYS

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