The Guy’s Perspective

If you have relationship questions, leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll do our best to answer it. However, due to the large number of questions, we can’t get to every one.

Also please consider a small donation to help support the Guys. Click the Paypal button to the right. It does take a good amount of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions.

Thanks so much.

Also, check out our latest podcast Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves.  The Guy’s Perspective Podcast.

Here are the six relationship questions we answered on on our latest podcast:

Sarah is beginning to have a change of heart. Now that her man wants to introduce her to his family, she’s unsure how she feels about it.

Dan wonders whether or not he’s being played by the single mom he has recently started dating.

Miss Lady’s boyfriend turned down a trip to Vegas with her, but after his guy friends ask him he’s all in. Now what?

Jenny’s man cheated on her with seven to ten different women, but she still loves him. Why would he do that?

Emily has an admirer, at least that’s what her loving friends tell her. Are they right she wonders?

Riya is confused about a guy from work. They date; he decides it’s not going to work; but then he keeps texting even after she’s moved on. She is curious why he still is trying to be “friends.”

Subscribe and listen on itunes. Give us a five star rating on itunes and be eligible to win two thumb drives with all of our podcast episodes already loaded on.

TGP Episode 33: Dating questions, dentist fees, pet peeves

This week’s questions:

Jealousy: Friends with the opposite sex

Break up confusion; will he come back?

Cultural Differences Part 2: Am I being used?

Is he my boyfriend or am I just booty call?

Here are last week’s questions:

Is he stubborn or just not that into me?

The Gym Guy: Is he interested?

Sex after child

Is he playing me?

Dating and Deployment: Should I start a relationship?

Dear Guys,

Okay, so ever since the start of school this year, I have had this crush on a guy. He is in almost every single one of my classes.

My friends say that they catch him staring at me all the time, and on occasion, I catch him looking my way, and we both smile.

The reason I am doubting this, is because I see him hang out with his other “girl friends” and he acts all giggly and cracks jokes.

I don’t know what I should do. Should I ask him straight up, or just wait.

I am VERY shy and modest when it comes to telling a guy I like them, and if I should tell him, what are some subtle hints that I could use?

P.S Thanks in Advance <3

Evita

Dear Evita,

Thanks for your question.

We’re assuming you’re in high school based on the information you provided us. We apologize if we got that wrong.

A high school boy wants a sure thing; meaning if he’s not completely 100% sure you’re into him, he probably won’t do much but stare at you surreptitiously and smile when you bust him. As far as the other girls he’s giggling with, we wouldn’t worry about that so much. High school boys like the attention of girls, and they’ll do almost anything to get it, even if the girls are just friends. And probably if he really liked one of them you would have heard about it by now. Gossip is spread rather quickly isn’t it?

So what should you do?

If you were older we would give you different advice. Typically we like the direct approach. But the high school scene has its own set of rules, and we can completely understand if you don’t want to go up to this guy and tell him that you’re into him.

Here are the two best solutions we can think of.

1. Get one of your friends to “leak” to him the fact that you think he’s cute, or something along those lines. They don’t even have to say you like him just that he’s cute; that way if he isn’t into you, you can save a little face. (If you care about that.) But if he does like you that knowledge should embolden him and give him the confidence to approach you. If he doesn’t do anything after he possesses that information then he’s either not interested or he’s not ready to date.

or

2. You could ask him to study together. That might be a good excuse to approach him, without giving away completely that you like him. This way you can get to know him a bit better away from the complicated social scene of the school. And then see where it goes.

Otherwise you can just wait to see what happens; and keep smiling.

Please keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. Your friends sound like they’re looking out for you. That’s a good thing! Check back for comments even after the post goes to the archives. Our readers are very insightful.

Read Monday’s question/answer: My old flame: I’d like to try again

And for other insights about guys, check out our network home page.

The Guy’s Network

Now for our most recent question:

Dear Guys,
I’m currently a junior in a VA high school. I met this guy my freshman year- his junior year-and we kind of started liking each other, and we started talking on the phone pretty much every night. By the end of the year he ended up moving to DC/MD with his  dad(non-optional). We lost contact that whole summer and then regained it by the next school year. He ended up graduating in DC/MD and I now have one year left of high school to go; we still talk every night and talk on ooVoo every once in a while. Most of my friends keep asking me why I still talk to him because they don’t like the idea of a long distance relationship. I understand what they mean but I don’t know if I should be waiting or not, also considering the fact that we have YET to see each other since he left.
I know that he is trying to buy a car because he told me “Once I get my car I’m going to see you every, if not, every other weekend because I really want you to be my girlfriend, but I couldn’t handle seeing you only once or twice a month.” I think that is sweet and all and I really do want to be with him, but I don’t want to say yes to him and then find out that we can’t really see each other as much as we want. I feel this way because I’ve known him for 2 1/2 years and he’s been gone for going on 2 years but for some reason we just can’t find a way to successfully see each other…. Am I doing the right thing by waiting around for him?

Teresa

Dear Teresa,

Thanks for writing to us. We really like how much thought you’ve put into your question.

It’s obvious you have a solid connection with this guy. He likes you and you like him. Don’t undervalue that. Yes, long distance relationships are not ideal, but sometimes life happens and we find ourselves in these situations. It sounds like you’re both handling the situation rather maturely.

However, even though you sound mature for a seventeen year old, you are kind of young to be committing to a long distance relationship. We’re not saying that’s a deal breaker because every person is different, but typically someone your age wouldn’t wait around.

Here’s our advice. Keep the lines of communication open with this guy, you never know where it might lead if it doesn’t work out right now. But don’t stop going out and having fun with your friends. We also think you should keep your options open with other guys who go to the same school as you do, or who live closer. We know this could be difficult since you have such a strong emotional connection with your long distance guy, but you really do need to keep exploring while this other situation sorts itself out-if indeed it does at all.

Please let us know if you other questions about this. Just post them in the comments section on this post. And let us know what you decide to do.

Take care,

THE GUYS

ps. Readers: If you have any relationship questions, or general questions about guys/men/boys, give us a call at: 347-855-GUYS, or leave us a note here on the Ask the Guys page. We’ll either post your letter, or answer it on our podcast. Check it out on itunes, or on the home page of this site. .

The Guy’s Perspective Podcast. Subscribe please.

We try to answer all the questions, but due to the volume of questions it’s not always possible. But keep asking. Thanks.

A recent question came in from a high school girl wondering what constituted being creepy. She was worried that her shyness around some guy she liked might be perceived as creepy. Well we can set the record straight. That’s far from creepy. Typically teenage girls don’t fall into the creepy category.  They certainly don’t make our list. Her situation sounds more like a young person trying to figure out how to navigate the rough social waters of high school.

Okay we’ll give her that……the whole high school experience can feel kind of creepy in general.

So what or whom would be considered creepy?

Hmm………………..

Well, let’s see what Webster says first.., (flip pages….ahh here it is.)

1) Having or causing a feeling of fear or disgust.

Well that’s pretty basic, and pretty telling. We would say that teenage girls don’t fall into the fear or disgust category.

So what does?

Spiders, insects, the usual ensemble of bugs, and crawly things. In terms of bugs, we define creepy as anything we wouldn’t particularly like crawling on our skin. The list is too long.

So what else is creepy?

Clowns are often creepy as hell. And old men. And even worse, an old man dressed up in a clown costume, performing at a kid’s birthday party. That scenario gives us the shivers.

And what about Glen Close in that creepy movie. What was that called? Oh yeah, “Fatal Attraction.” Now she was creepy!

A lingering stare is kind of creepy, or being too helpful when it’s not asked for is definitely creepy.

Or how about just appearing out of nowhere? Imagine wherever you go, this same person just shows up when you turn around. Yikes, that gives us the willies.

Creepy is somewhere between uncomfortable and stalking. It’s more like “uneasy” or “unsettled.” It’s a sixth sense that says, something is not the way it should be. And this feeling is universal. Everyone knows what creepy is, it’s just different for each person.

Please leave us your list of one t0 five things, creatures, places, or people that creep you out. We’re going to make a universal list and share it on an upcoming podcast.

And for our young teenage friend we can just say, take off that hooded cloak and those skinny black jeans, and step out of the shadows and say something! We’re trying our best to keep you off our list!

THE GUYS

Dear Guys,

Okay so there’s this guy at my school who I’ve known since second grade. We used to be best friends in elementary but now he’s just mean to me, stares, and comments rudely on almost everything I do. I’m not the only one who catches him staring at me because he does it a lot. Sometimes even the teacher will tease him about it. He also gets jealous when I talk to other guys, and so he interrupts. But he’s in a different social status than me, him being more popular than me, and being known as a jerk to most. But then people never really knew him like I did. I’m confused on whether he really likes me or not.

Jesse

Dear Jesse,

Thanks for writing.

Understanding the psyche of a high school boy is like trying to understand the weather. Thousands of meteorologists around the world try to predict the weather every day and they usually only get it right 50% of the time, and that’s if they’re good.

It is possible-and maybe likely-this old friend of yours likes you, but as far as we’re concerned it doesn’t matter. You need to take him at face value. He’s mean to you. He doesn’t treat you with respect. He’s immature, even for a young man, and he he’s got a lot of growing up to do.

It is possible-and likely-that he’ll learn as the years progress. He’ll hopefully have his share of hard knocks, and he’ll gain some perspective. And hopefully he’ll grow and evolve from these experiences.

But for now Jesse, he needs to marinade by himself. We’re sure there are plenty of very nice young men in your school. Start hanging out with them. And who knows, maybe your friend is a fast learner.

Good luck.

THE GUYS

ps. Why is the teacher commenting on the situation?

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Hey Guys,

So there is this guy I’ve known for about 7 years and we’re both going to be juniors in high school. I’ve felt for a long time that he liked me, because he’d always be around and be mean to me and stuff,(I don’t know what that means), but we have nothing in common. We just kinda got put together as friends. This past year we would fight a lot and he would always make sure that we were still friends. Most of the fights were on Facebook chat. I would always tell him about the guys I liked and ask for advice, partially to let him know that I didn’t like him. This year he had a girlfriend for a few months, but still flirted heavily with me. Then after they broke up and a few days after I was rejected, he told me he wanted to kiss me. So we got together that night and just kissed. I told him I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, but we did anyway. After that it was normal until we hung out again and kissed more. Now I think that I like him, but whenever we talk we get each other mad, because we know how to push each other’s buttons. I realize now that I really like him, but it’s summer and he has a girlfriend. We haven’t seen each other, only emailed twice. First I started then he started and both times ended in a fight. I’m just frustrated because I still feel like he likes me. He’s said he doesn’t like me, but at the same time he does, and that he is confused. Now I am too. Please help. Does he like me? I’ve felt something between us for a long time.

Anya

Dear Anya,

Thanks for writing. We’re a bit confused too!

So let’s get this straight. You are friends with this guy, but you kind of like each other too. You’re both not sure what you want. You’ve kissed. Now you realize you like him. He says he likes you but has a girlfriend. You fight a lot.

That sums it up, right?

We’re sorry you’re having a hard time Anya. It’s painful to finally decide you like someone and then have them reject you, at least partially.

He sounds like he’s confused and maybe not sure what he wants. Most 17 year old guys-we’re assuming that’s about how he is-change their minds from week to week, or even day to day. He probably does like you, but he wants to date other people too. He probably values your friendship, but it’s not enough for him to stop some of the other things that he enjoys. It’s the nature of the beast Anya.

The best thing you can do is make it clear that you like him, but don’t pressure or hound him. (And not on Facebook!) He’s going to have to come around on his own. He’ll appreciate you more if he realizes how great you are without you having to tell him.

So the good news is, yes, he probably does like you. But the bad news is, there’s not much you can do, but sit back and watch. You could be his friend while he’s dating other people, but is that what you want? Do you want to be someone he confides in about other girls? We doubt it.

We’re hoping he comes around. But if not, don’t fret. We’re sure there are more cool guys in your school. And once you start dating someone else, this guy will want you back. Yes, the game playing has already begun unfortunately. And guys like a little cat and mouse; as long as they get to catch the mouse occasionally.

Best of luck and keep us posted.

THE GUYS

ps. It might be a good idea to conduct your personal affairs away from Facebook or any other social networking site. That’s just trouble waiting to happen. We see it time and time again.

If you have a question for THE GUYS, ask away. Leave us a note on the Ask the Guys page of our website. We’ll answer it here, or on our podcast, or both.

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Dear Guys,

I like a guy who is 16, the same age as me. He’s always looking at me. And all my friends tell me that they are good looks. But whenever he is with his friends, he won’t look at me as much, but he sometimes will sort of sneak some looks when his friends aren’t paying much attention to him.

We haven’t really talked before but he does know my name. My friends have noticed and they don’t understand either. Whenever he looks at me I quickly look away.

He is also really popular, and I’m not really that popular. I’m also not in any of his classes. Also my friends say that he is an asshole, but they don’t know him very well.

I’m so confused, this has been going on since the start of this year and I know that he is single and looking for a girlfriend.

Is he worried what his friends would think of me or something?
Does he like me or not? What do I do?

Sammy

Dear Sammy,

Thanks for your question. This is the kind of scenario that plays out at high schools all across the country. In fact this dance doesn’t really stop there. It continues on throughout adult life.

First of all, if what you say is true, and he’s constantly looking at you, it’s very likely he likes you or finds you attractive. So that’s the good news.

It’s also likely, if the two of you run in different social circles, he’s not sure how to approach you. High school is about appearances. (Actually much of life is about appearances, but we digress.) He certainly doesn’t want to risk being shot down by you, or teased by his friends if he is rejected, because there’s nothing worse to a high school guy than being embarrassed.

So we guess the question is, how do you let him know you’re interested? Or do you?

If you were older, we might suggest you just tell him. The less game playing the better. But for you that might not be the best idea.

Is it possible to enlist some of your friends to help? This seems to be the way things work in high school. A note is passed. A friend mentions to him that you might be interested. (Might being the optimal word here.) This way everyone saves face if it doesn’t work out.

Of course you could always go against the grain and just smile and say hi to him. Or you could try to strike up a conversation with him in the hall or in the cafeteria. Or if he plays sports, go watch him play. Make it obvious you’re there to see him.

Teenage boys are just learning how to approach girls. They might talk a good game, or act like they’re studly, but they’re scared and not as confident as they project. And they certainly like a sure thing. Meaning, they want to know the girl they ask out is going to say yes, 100%. Doubting that even a little is enough for them to hang back and not go for it. Now that we think about it, it’s not much different from a man asking a woman to marry him. Usually, he’s pretty much sure the answer will be yes.

So you have to decide how you want to approach this. But it’s likely that if you really want to find out what’s going on, you’ll have to be the one to take the risk. Someone has to! It doesn’t sound like he’s going to.

We hope this helps you Sammy. Good luck.

THE GUYS

Today is part two of our miniseries, where we not only stroll down memory lane, but also give props to many of the sites we’ve grown to love over this past  year. These Blogs in particular, focus on dating, relationships and other related topics such as self-esteem self-actualization and self-motivation. Hope you’ll explore and enjoy them.

Part three will be coming soon.

From: “One of The Guys”

Where I went to school, there were only two proms; a junior high prom (7th-9th grade) and a senior prom. Expectations were huge for both proms, but I can only speak for the guys. It was the night where we hoped inhibitions might be cast aside, at least for one special night, and maybe we’d somehow convince our date, usually our girlfriend, to go where she had never gone before.

But it wasn’t like that for me. Far from it.

In 9th grade I started dating a very nice girl probably around May. So it was a “no brainer” that I would be going with her to the Prom……Well, ah.., NO!! She had already committed to a friend of hers, not a boyfriend, and she felt that she should keep that commitment. She was a lot more mature that most of the people at the school and she probably did the right thing, but not necessarily something that most 9th graders would have done. And to me, it was a drag.

So I ended up going with a close friend of mine who also didn’t have a date and we had a good time. But it was awkward seeing my girlfriend dancing to “Stairway to Heaven” and “Freebird” with another guy. And the night, while fun, never turned into that magical night that I had dreamed about.

My junior year in high school I started dating a senior in the spring. I have no idea why she liked me because her previous boyfriend had been the captain of the football team, but she did. So we started dating.

At this point, I was still pretty green, but she wasn’t, which made the whole thing even more baffling to me. I was like a human playing with a vampire, which honestly scared the crap out of me, even though I liked it too.  We were still together in June, so she asked me to go to the senior prom. Wow! All THE GUYS thought I was THE MAN! (If they only knew.)

Once again the anticipation grew and grew. However, I wasn’t steering this ship. It was clear she was in charge, picking the color of my tux,  the restaurant we ate at and the after hour party we attended. I was like a stick adrift on a river, just merrily floating to and fro. But this is where it gets blurry for me. Somehow the night just went from bad to worse and we ended up breaking up. Seriously!! We broke up on Prom night! And looking back on it, I’m sure she was still in love with this former captain of the football team who had arrived home from college the week before. I found out later, he had been wooing her since he arrived. Who could resist, right? (Sarcasm)

But I rebounded fast  from that traumatic evening. And of course, I still had my senior prom to go to. That was going to be great!

Well the spring came around and I was single, having broken up with a girl in February. But as luck would have it, I started dating a great girl in May and now I had a date. Phew, close one!!

Ahhh….NO!!!…………Deja vu……my girlfriend had already committed to going with someone else and once again she felt she should honor that commitment. What is up with these girls!!!???

So now I had no date………Well…….. (And you’re gonna love this)

My 9th grade prom date, as I mentioned before had moved away to Texas in 10th grade. However, she kept in touch with a lot of people from our high school still, and her girlfriends told me she would be back in town during our prom. They said I should ask her because she would love to go. And since I didn’t have a date, I thought it sounded like a good idea.

I don’t need to go into details. We had fun. And I was glad I went. But really, let’s be honest. I’m pretty sure I’m the only guy on the planet that this happened to…….. TWICE!

We’d love to hear about your prom expectations and experiences!
Please share!

And take some time to browse through some of these great sites.

Adventures of Starting Over

Date Girl Diaries

Beaming Balance

I Should a Been a Stripper

Luvem or Leavem

The Lola Vibe

Kelly Seal

It’s all a matter of Perspective

Love Skeptic

LionSlinger

Naughtie Scribe

Self-Esteem Blog for Women

Symphony of Love

Self-Help Wellness

The Life of Annie

Without Dash

Advice Goddess

Chaotically Calm

The Blogess

At My Soiree

Next Post: In our third installment of this miniseries we’ll be covering…..well, it will be a surprise…..and of course we’ll be highlighting our last group of great sites.