The Guy’s Perspective

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THE GUYS

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Hey Guys,

A family that I’ve been close with came into town for a couple of days. The family has two sons. One is 18 or 19 yrs. old, and the other son is 23. I am 20 almost 21, which puts me smack dab in the middle of both of them. Throughout the night I talked to both of the guys about what they’ve been up to since they left. At the end of the night I ended up getting hugged three times by the younger one and four times by the older one. Before I turned to leave the older one talked to me on a different level than he has in years past. He gave me one of those hug hugs. You know the kind that means more than friends. After that he told me it was nice seeing me and such, and he said that I’m looking swell. Which caught me off guard since he has never said anything like that before to me. He’s always been nice but it was different tonight.

What does it mean when a guy tells you that you look swell?

Danielle

Dear Danielle,

Thanks for your note.

First of all we don’t know any guys who use the word swell. It seems a funny choice of words, and somewhat antiquated, but we understand what he was trying to say. It’s his way of telling you he thinks you’re really cute, or possibly hot, without revealing his true intentions. Of course to us, his intentions are totally transparent.

It’s clear both of these guys are young and not sure how to approach you. We do understand—since you’re long time family friends—it’s tricky terrain to navigate, but their approach seems so awkward: hugging you and saying you look swell?

But rest assured, they are both into you, unless they’ve always been chronic huggers. Guys love getting hugs from cute women. And these guys snagged seven over the course of the evening! WOW, that’s close to a record.

So who’s it going to be Danielle? Are you interested in the younger brother or the older brother?

We suggest you wait and see what happens on this one. No use creating a family rift. It’s better they work this out internally before one of them pursues you. Eventually one of them will make their intentions known.

Good luck, and keep us posted. We’re definitely curious to hear how this all turns out.

THE GUYS

ps. Please consider a donation to THE GUYS. It does take a good amount of time to answer all the questions we get, thoughtfully and thoroughly. Thanks!

Our world is changing fast, especially from a technological standpoint. The ability to communicate with anyone around the world has become as easy as turning on the faucet. Cell phones, email, skype and social networking sites all provide access and make the world essentially a smaller place.

So is this a good thing? We say yes for the most part, because with a larger market there are more opportunities. However, this also comes with new forms of abuse.

Privacy has taken a nose dive. It’s easy to find anyone on the planet. And if you ever had dreams of getting off the grid, you were born a century too late.

But people have been ignoring personal boundaries for a long time. These are people who either aren’t aware of personal space or ignore it to serve their own purposes. We call these people,

PERSONAL SPACE INVADERS.

They come in many forms. Some are completely harmless and others are actually quite dangerous.

Let’s take a look at these people in all their mutations.

Close Talkers: Maybe coined by the great Seinfeld episode….These are the people who cozy up to you during a conversation and spray you with saliva bombs and other debris. They are usually completely harmless and are actually quite chummy. But if you know you’re going to encounter one, plan accordingly. Bring an extra change of clothes and a face mask.

Touchers: These are people who touch to accentuate their point. It’s a way to bond. Now in some cases this is sweet and nice, but often it can get to be too much. How do you know when it’s too much? By the bruises on your arms or back the next day. But honestly they do mean well in general, unless they are really a Groper in disguise. You’ll know this when they apologize for accidentally missing your shoulder.

Big Huggers: They are in the Touchers family, but they actually have an agenda beyond bonding. Generally the rule of hugging is similar to the rule of hand shaking. It should be somewhat equal. We hate it when some GUY tries to show how manly he is by squeezing the crap out of our hand. C’mon MAN! Firm is one thing, but this is not a contest. These Big Huggers often get a thrill out of feeling another body close to them, so they squeeze and squeeze. Once again they are generally harmless, but best avoided. And they are everywhere!

Phone Solicitors: These people drove the wagons west and carved the way for the rest of the technological abusers. They call us any time of day and night with no respect for privacy or family time. Now sure, it’s their job, but at some point they might need to ask themselves, “Is it really OK to call on a Sunday night at 9pm?” There is such a thing as Karma….we think?
The general populace has been able to combat them with a variety of measures including the answering machine and caller ID. But it’s still maddening that they even make the attempt. And when you ask them to put you on the DO NOT CALL list, they are polite and sweet, but then their colleague calls you the next day feigning innocence. MORAL: Don’t answer your phone.

Spammers: We’ve been inundated with Spammers lately. We’re not sure what they are actually gaining from their actions, since we delete them as fast as they post. But they are so annoying, like persistent flies or mosquitoes, feeding off our blood.
If anyone has any advice on what Captcha to use, etc. please let us know.
Otherwise we wish we could set up a new sort of Octagon, where the Phone Solicitors and the Spammers could fight to the death. And the rest would be fed to the Stalkers.

Stalkers: These people range from creepy to dangerous and every level in between. Who are they? Possibly spurned lovers, crazies, people who are angry with their life or jealous of someone else’s life. Either way, they use every means possible to unsettle their target. It’s like a home invasion that goes on in perpetuity.
These people are savvy and smart too, using sites like Facebook to assume the identity of their target and then infiltrate his/her world. (Yes, this just happened to “Another One of The Guys.”)
They are very difficult to get rid of.

So, what to do about all this?

All of this technology allows businesses and yes even Bloggers to expand their brand and reach a wider audience, but reaching a wider audience can also mean more problems. But that shouldn’t stop any of us. We can’t let these people slow us down! So keep your radar up and don’t let them get to you.

How do you combat these Personal Space Invaders?

THE GUYS