Trust in the modern world
Trust in the Modern World by Saelen Ghose
In a world where we are all connected by the touch of a button or the click of a mouse, trust is declining faster than the oil spilling out beneath the ocean floor. It seems counterintuitive to think that as the world becomes smaller, we trust our fellow humans less, but it’s happening before our very eyes. It’s possible we just don’t like what we see.
Information isn’t dispersed anymore, it’s shot out through one of those T-shirt launchers on the “juice.” A kid can’t forget his lunch box at school without it being on the news. And the news is no longer just newspapers, magazines, television and radio. It’s also blogs, forums and every social networking site on the web. We are inundated with information, and this plethora of news, accurate or not, is causing us to live inside little bubbles, creating even more divisions within a country already divided by politics, faith and ethnicity.
I’m not saying ignorance is bliss. It’s not. I’m also not saying we should return to the days where information was disseminated by horseback, or by young boys yelling the headlines in crowded city streets. However, too much information has a paralyzing effect on us and causes us to question everything and everyone. And overanalyzing sure takes the fun out of life’s adventures.
Let’s examine the sports world for a second. I don’t trust anything I see anymore because every time there’s a feel good story, there’s another not-so-feel-good story behind it. Take the summer of 1998 when Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa battled for the most storied record, possibly in sports history. What a magical summer that was!! That is, until it was tainted by admission of steroid use. In fact, now I question every one of the great sports stories in the last ten years because I just don’t trust what I see anymore.
It only begins with sports, but it’s part of every facet of our lives. The news tells us of predators lurking at every corner, and politicians having affairs, and corporations lying to the world. And we don’t receive just the basic facts about these events, but all the lurid details behind the facts, reported over and over and over. We never have to worry about missing something either. If we miss it the night it happens, we surely won’t miss it the next day, or the next week. It’s news to match the fast pace of our lives, but it’s overkill.
Now don’t call me a hypocrite please. I realize you’re reading this in the newspaper and that’s a good thing. I’m not complaining about news sources, but more how we process the news and what we do with the information. It’s important for us to be informed and up to date with what’s happening in the world. But let’s start thinking for ourselves again shall we? Isn’t that what we try to teach our kids; not to let peer pressure guide them? Haven’t we all said, “Would you jump off that bridge if Johnny or Sue told you to?”
But here we are ignoring our own advice and letting everyone tell us how to think. And what’s the common theme in this message? Don’t trust anyone. Those OTHER people are bad. They don’t look like you, they don’t think like you, they don’t pray like you, so they must be bad people. Stay away from them and keep to yourself. And we are all guilty of this paranoia. Sure it’s normal to gravitate toward people that are similar to us, but how do we know how similar or different they are without actually having a conversation?
Technology has provided us the power to reach anyone on this planet in a matter of seconds. But this technology can only introduce us to the world. We actually have to leave our houses and explore for ourselves in order to take advantage of that introduction. And surely that’s a lot more interesting than sitting behind our desks.
So if you see me out and about in the world, stop and say hello. I won’t bite. Trust me.
Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by Saelen Ghose
Lately I’ve been having this strange sensation. After leaving the house and arriving at my destination, I say to myself, “Did I remember to wear pants?”
Seriously! I actually check myself to see, bracing for the screams that will most surely commence from shocked onlookers. After a tense moment of anticipation with no screams, I realize that once again, all is under control, and I do in fact have pants on.
I’m not sure what this is all about, but it’s somewhat alarming. And it seems to be part of a trend, rather than an isolated incident. It’s probably due to the fact that my head is so overwhelmed with life I can barely remember getting out of bed, let alone putting on pants. Like all of you, I’m trying to juggle a family, a job and my own personal journey, with not enough time in each day. This is tough to do, very tough.
So many sweet moments come and go every day and I’m panicked that I’m missing them, as if I’m driving down a highway lost in thought, unaware of the mile markers whizzing by me. To me, that is a TERROR far scarier than walking around without pants. Because memories are what make the moments last forever, giving us an endless replay of all of our experiences. And what else will I have to do when my eyes are so shot I can’t even check to SEE about my pants? At least I’ll be able to close my eyes and remember.
So it’s time to “restart” my brain and remove the clutter. But that’s harder said than done. See, I have this never ending TO DO LIST that grows with each day and occupies such a huge space in my cranial cavity. But what if I just chucked the actual list? That’s right, you GASP! But why not? I’ll just chuck it and let things resolve themselves organically. I mean do I really need to write down, “Buy Bread?” And I bet after it’s gone, the ghostly shell that I’ve become will fade, and my former attentive self will join the rest of the Homo Sapiens on the planet.
And if that doesn’t work and some sort of sacrifice is required, I’ll gladly hand over my pants. It seems like a small price to pay to enjoy a few new memories. And why not BE PRESENT in a life chocked full of precious moments to savor.
“Mommy why isn’t that man wearing pants?” Cut to SCREAMS!!
What would you be happy to sacrifice in order to be more present in your life?
Read article in newspaper:
TGP Episode 26: The power of saying yes
We start out with “The Truth.” Cucch shares three stories- two are true and one is false. It’s up to Sai-and you-to figure out the truth.
Ever washed your hands and then realized there were no paper towels; and even worse a hand dryer built in the early 19th century? This is our latest “Pet Peeve.”
We move on to “Father Stories” where Cucch shares a story about his grandfather. Sometimes what’s off camera is more compelling than what’s on.
And we finish with “THE MEAT.” The power of saying yes. It might just be the best way to operate.
Special Note: In one week we’ll be launching our podcast network. Be looking for new shows from The Guys’ Network, along with a brand new website. Spread the word. Thanks!
TGP Episode 24: The second time around
One of the greatest gifts children give to their parents is the chance to live life a second time around. Sai reads a piece he wrote for The Guy’s Perspective blog by that same name, with some quiet jazz playing in the background.
How are you planning on living life in the New Year? Status quo? Any changes? Please share your resolutions with us.
For more articles about life, fatherhood, and relationships visit our site at “The Guy’s Perspective dot com.”
Vacation and Lebron
Written by: “One of the Guys”
I was away on vacation these last four days, enjoying the unique summer culture of Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Had I stayed home, the heat would have been suffocating in my non-air conditioned house. I heard rumors it was in the mid 90s all week, so I felt myself doubly blessed to be enjoying the ocean AND the air-conditioning at the hotel we were staying at.
One thing I enjoy while on vacation, is getting up really early and exploring. This could mean either biking, walking, or driving around town, possibly sipping an early morning cup of Joe, and enjoying the quiet. Once I find someplace I fancy, I’ll often stop and park myself, pull out a book or the local paper and read.
These morning excursions are also a time where I think. One of the main things I think about is how can I make my “everyday” life more like a vacation. Don’ laugh. Sure, that’s probably impossible, with all the responsibilities and duties I have as an adult and a parent, but it still must be possible to create a situation where everything doesn’t feel so overwhelming and stagnant.
I don’t intentionally try to keep up with the Jones’s, it just kind of happens organically, if such a thing is possible. Most of the time, I feel like I’m rowing with part of my rudder missing. I just keep spinning in a circle no matter how hard I paddle. And it’s annoying seeing everyone racing ahead while I create my own little whirlpool.
So I write this longing for more simplicity. Vacations create this illusion that life is a rudderless journey, enjoyed by those who take in the scenery. I’m trying hard to jump on board with that notion. It sure sounds good on paper, but that zen-like state is harder to achieve in real life.
Either way, we had a great time on vacation. Short, but sweet, and we all left longing for more, which is really how it should end.
Would you like to be a kid again, living a more carefree existence?
How do you keep up with the rat race? Do you even try?
Is it possible to make your life look more like a vacation?
_______________________________
I have to chime in on Lebron James. All the media is berating him for being an egomaniac and creating a look-at-me circus around his free agent announcement. This all may be true, but they are overlooking some important aspects of who he is.
Maybe Lebron’s head has gotten a bit big. I actually don’t think so based on his standing in the NBA. He IS the most dominant player in the league. Kobe might have the best jump shot, but he’s not in the same league as Lebron. Put Lebron on the Lakers and they don’t almost choke away the championship to the Celtics. In fact they sweep them. But that aside, Lebron has become bigger than just basketball. He’s a world wide celebrity. Yes, Lebron really is that big.
And I say these things because I’ve only been impressed with how he’s conducted himself. He hasn’t gotten into trouble with the law. He’s respectful of other players in the league. He treats his teammates well. He’s well spoken. He loves his family. And overall he’s been someone that I’m happy my kids love. I can’t say this for Kobe Bryant or some of the other top players in the league, who’ve all believed the hype at one point or another.
I am originally from Cleveland, so it’s sad to see Lebron leave. Just as Princess Leia says, “Obi Wan Kanobe, you’re my only hope,” Clevelanders felt that way about Lebron. And now he’s gone, and they’ve all turned on him. In fact the whole media has turned on him. But not me.
He played hard for Cleveland, only to be surrounded by a bunch of “has beens” and “not -so-goods.” He carried the team year after year, without really complaining that much. And frankly he wasn’t going to win there. They just weren’t good enough, even with a superstar.
So he doesn’t owe them anything more. What’s wrong with looking out for himself? He wants to win and he’s going some place he has a chance to do that. Miami certainly gives him that opportunity, although Chicago probably would have been a better choice. And aren’t those the kind of decisions we make everyday? What’s best for us, our career, our kids, our happiness? Sure we don’t do it as publicly, but most of us aren’t known by 99% of the planet. Thank god!
So it’s time to for him to move on. And for this former Clevelander, I wish him all the best. Because I always root for the nice guy.
(Hopefully he’ll stay that way!)
Stream of Consciousness
This is part three of our miniseries, recognizing some of the sites we love. Check them out at the bottom of this post.
The first post we dipped back into time bringing you a piece of nostalgia from our childhood. “The Uniform”
The second post was all about expectations of that “coming of age” event called, “The Prom.”
Now from, “One of The Guys”
Well, this is going to be more of a stream of consciousness post. I’m just going to see where it goes. I like to do that sometimes. I might have a nugget of an idea, and then see how far I can develop it, similar to improvising on a theme when I play music. That’s what improvising is all about. Not knowing where the story is going, but still having some parameters to work with; basically the other musicians, the chord changes (if there are any) and the audience, because surely their enthusiasm or lack thereof dictates how the story is told.
And isn’t that the truth? Isn’t that what life is like? What being a person on this planet is like? One Big Blessed Improv Routine!! I mean seriously. We don’t know what the hell we’re really doing, where we’re going, what’s right, what’s wrong, who we really are. In fact by the time we THINK we’ve kind of figured it all out, we know the story is just about to conclude, and there’s no way to alter the ending.
I think about this a lot when I’m at home dealing with my kids. I try to give them parameters to work with, but I can’t control their own story as much as I’d like to sometimes. Why do I want to control it? Because this world is a scary place. And the older I get the scarier I think it is. Now don’t get me wrong. I work hard to see the beauty in all of it too, and I try not to let my fears paralyze me, or my kids. But now that I do have a family, life somehow seems more precarious, more fragile.
I remember being a bold teen, walking down the city streets alone, and not being scared of anything. Ignorance is bliss.
BUT NOW?
Now, the freaking squirrels scare the crap out of me. I think to myself, if one of those little ferocious beasts actually attacked me or the kids, I don’t think I could fight it off. Seriously! Could you? What if all the squirrels in the world decided to attack at once? We’d all be TOAST!
What does this mean besides that I’m nuts?
It means that we all have to trust in “the order of the universe.” Trust that the sun will come up…..at least occasionally where I live. Trust that darkness will come so we can rest. Trust that our kids will learn their own lessons and grow from them. And trust that the damn squirrels will stick to the trees.
So as I navigate through this world, it’s clear to me that I’m not alone. That no matter how nutty my thoughts are, I know I can just search, “Nutty Thoughts” on the web and find about a million people who think exactly as I do. (I’m not sure if that’s comforting or not, but it’s still amazing)
So what’s the lesson.?
We need to stick together, that’s what. We need to try to understand one another and realize that we all have so much more in common than we don’t. We need to realize we all care about our families and we all want our kids to grow up and be happy and have opportunities. We all want to sit back and watch a game and root for our team without being castigated or threatened. We want the simple things too. A nice meal with a friend OR by ourselves. A quiet time to think. A good run, or walk. A night out to watch a concert. Some alone time with our honey. Or maybe time to read a cool blog, or find some cool new app on our iphone. (I don’t have one yet) We all just want to live and enjoy the time while we are here. Have fun. And maybe try to figure out where we’re headed after our time is up on this planet earth. Or maybe not.
Sure we’re all unique and that’s what makes this place so damn cool! But until we start acknowledging our similarities, we can’t celebrate our differences, to use a common PC expression. (Don’t get me started about being PC)
And let’s be honest, who the hell isn’t scared shitless of squirrels?
Take some time to check out these great sites. They cover all the things you might be interested in: Politics, Art, Philosophy, Religion,Parenting, Travel, and lots of humor! Enjoy!
Out of Context: Pieces for a Life (aphorisms)
Footsteps (Travels and Journeys)
The Balancing Act of an Artist
From “ONE of THE GUYS”
When people ask me what I do, I say, “It’s simple. Imagine a jar filled with rocks. The jar is everyday life, the rocks are my kids and my wife.”
“But what about you?” they say.
“I am the sand that gets poured in to fill all the cracks,” I say.
And you know what, that’s exactly what it’s like! I am a musician, writer, and teacher. Basically an artist as one would define it. This pursuit allows me a lot of flexibility in my schedule, so I’m able to make our busy lives a little less crazed, and metaphorically “fill the jar.”
To be an artist and do it “right” you have to immerse yourself in your chosen field, whether it’s composition, painting, writing, pottery, performance or whatever. You have to live and breathe your art. And you have to be open enough to say yes to every possible opportunity. If you don’t allow yourself the freedom to go on tour, or work whenever the muse hits, or move to a new city because you found a better environment to do your work in, you have to figure out a way to enjoy the small victories.
I’ve chosen to live a more “normal” life; one with a family that I actually spend time with on a regular basis. So I am not doing it “right.” In fact, being a father and husband is diametrically opposed to being a true artist, mainly because of the time and commitment constraints. So, I’m forced to become as malleable as a young child’s mind and say yes to every little job that comes my way. Like this to a prospective student:
“Sure I can teach you. What time? 2am? No problem, I’ll be there after my gig.” When I say yes to something like that, I feel like a cheap whore, willing to turn any trick just to make a buck.
I would argue that anyone who’s living through, or has lived through, the trials, victories and defeats of raising children has much to bring to his or her art. It’s just that there is no time to actually bring it. Sure, some people can do it, but it’s not easy, and it feels contrived somehow to try and fit it in. That doesn’t sound very romantic and certainly is not what a “real” artist would do. A “real” artist sleeps until whenever. Works all day. Meets up with the rest of the local artists at the cafe in the late afternoon. And then after drinks and discussions, resumes working until the wee hours of the morning.
Of course I know that’s total BS and just the way I envision it to be. The world really isn’t like that anymore. The reality is, living costs money, and whether you have kids or not, the bills need to be paid and food has to be bought. So maybe, doing it “right” is all a matter of perception. Hmm…….
So fine, I can live with small victories. A cool gig here and there. A fun recording session; that actually pays! Some great comments here on The Guy’s Perspective, or releasing a CD or book. Because I don’t write this out of bitterness. I made my choices and I’m generally happy with them. I love my family and wouldn’t trade them to be famous.
But damn, it does seem like every time I have something interesting scheduled, something comes up with my kids, my family or just life in general. I mean it’s uncanny, like the fates are conspiring against me.
I know many of you reading this are also struggling with balancing your artistic endeavors with your domestic responsibilities. How do you make it all work? How do you balance things? Do you feel like a cheap whore too?
Well gotta run. Master calls. I got a sick kid who’s ringing the bell for me. Ahh, the life of an artist. Isn’t it grand?
Your Internal GPS
Ever wondered what drives you? What helps you make those difficult decisions? Or takes you to places that are full of wonderment and beauty? Or lands you at a party you shouldn’t be at or hanging with the wrong crowd?
It’s your internal GPS. That’s right, we all have one. But some people listen and others don’t.
Every GPS is different and decisions are unique to each individual. We know life is about exploring dead ends and learning from them, but it’s also, figuring out when to say no. Let’s go for a ride together through the stages of life.
This skit was written with two female characters, but it still comes from The Guy’s Perspective……..because we know GUYS!
Two teenage girls.
Friend: Hey, do you want to go to this party later?
You: Sure, who’s having it.
Friend: Oh, just a bunch of guys.
You: How do you know them?
Friend: Well, I just met them actually. Last night. They seem like a lot of fun.
You: Hmm, well, OK, that sounds fun.
GPS: Recalculating……recalculating……..do not leave house.
Your friend comes to pick you up. You get in car.
You: Are they cute?
Friend: Oh god yes.
GPS: Recalculating…..recalculating…….drive 10.5 miles to the movie theater or to the video store and go home.
You: Let’s do it.
GPS: Recalculating……drive 5 miles back to friend’s house.
You ignore!
Friend: We’re here.
You: Looks kind of crazy.
Friend: Yeah, but it will be fun.
GPS: Recalculating……recalculating……….please drive away. NOW!!!
You and friend knock on the door. Four guys answer drinking beers with loud music blaring. You look at each other.
GPS: (quietly) I told you……
You both look at each other and realize this might have been a mistake. Close call! You leave.
Fast forward ten years. You’re about to get married.
Friend: You must be so excited. You’re getting married in two weeks!
You: I guess so.
Friend: What’s wrong? You sound so…..
You: I’m starting to wonder if this was a big mistake.
GPS: Recalculating…….drive……anywhere
Friend: Oh it’s too late for second guesses.
You: Yeah I know.
Day of wedding.
GPS: Arriving at wrong destination on right.
You: I just can’t do it.
Friend: But all the presents. What will people think?
You: I don’t care.
GPS: Why didn’t you listen to me two years ago?
You: Oh shut up GPS before I reprogram you.
Five years later. You married the ONE in a quiet ceremony with just family. You are happy.
Husband: I thought you said you wanted kids?
You: I do, but I’m just not ready. We don’t have any money.
Husband: We’ll figure it out.
You: I’m just not ready.
GPS: Just drive. Stop worrying. I’ll get you there.
You: I just don’t know.
GPS: Recalculating. Just go for it.
You: What if we can’t take care of it.
GPS: You’ll figure it out. Drive. Undetermined miles. That’s weird. I don’t see a destination. I’ll have to get back to you.
THE GUYS would love to hear examples of when you listened, or didn’t listen to your own GPS. Thanks for sharing.
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