The Guy’s Perspective

Youth is Wasted on the Young:
Sai and Cucch admit they can’t pig out like they used to.
We mention SparkPeople to help you get on track to shed some pounds. Sai realizes he’s playing for the silver foxes of his basketball league and Cucch is fighting the ladies off with a pool cue. What? You’ll just have to listen.

Ask the Guys:

Laura asks: Is the smiling gym manager trying to give me a sign?

Jen asks: My long distance boyfriend of six months has asked me to move in with him. Is it too soon?

Jensi asks: Things between us started getting pretty bad when I became pregnant, and it seems like it’s been a steady decline ever since. What is up???

The Meat:Relationships, Couples and Finances:

Does he have to feel like a weenie just because she is bringing home the bacon? We crack open the male ego and find out what happens when she becomes the primary bread winner.

Check out a recent post on finances at The Guy’s Network.

Got a question? Funny relationship story? Want to share how you work the finances in your relationship? Call and leave a message at 347-855-GUYS (4897) or Contact us on the Ask the Guys page.

TGP Episode 32: Money, Food, Couples, and Finance [ 58:46 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Dear Guys,

I’ve been in a long term relationship for two years now. We live together. Six months ago my man got laid off from his job. At first he looked for a new job but with no success. Now the last few months he has hardly gotten off the couch. I’ve tried to give him ideas to help him, but he just gets mad at me. His unemployment is starting to affect our relationship?

Why won’t he look for work?

I’m not beginning to think he’s lazy, and it’s making me question the relationship.

Can you give me any insight into what’s going on?

Caroline

Dear Caroline,

Thanks for your question. With unemployment high, and the economy taking longer than many thought to recover, your situation is not that uncommon unfortunately.

First of all, we’re sorry this is going on for your man, and for you. Losing a job elicits a lot of different emotions including the big three: anger, fear and anxiety.

We can speak for the men of the world when we say that our job is tied in closely with our identity. That’s not true for all men, but it’s certainly true for the high percentage of men. With the stay-at-home-dad movement, we are starting to define ourselves differently, and valuing the ever important role of being fathers, however, our ego is definitely caught up in our work.

You don’t say whether the current situation is causing  financial stress in your relationship. Is it? Or is he not pulling his weight in other areas? Finances are one of the biggest causes of conflict when it comes to relationships. Not just the lack of, but also the way a couple views money. If one person is a spender and the other a saver, that can cause conflicts. Or another scenario that could cause conflict is how each person wants to spend the money. (One person wants to spend money on the house, but the other person thinks the money should be spent on vacations.)

Understand that your man is likely depressed, and is probably feeling paralyzed. It’s not that he doesn’t want to work, it’s that he feels so overwhelmed by the situation that he ends up spending his days on the couch instead of out looking for work. That is frustrating for him, and also frustrating for you. But don’t confuse this with laziness. It’s not. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay. After a while he needs to get motivated, or get some help to get motivated. That should not be your role. He needs to do it himself.

But the time has come for you to have a long talk with him. Let him tell you how he’s feeling if that’s possible, and if not, try to let him know that you understand how he might be feeling. Also tell him how you feel. He needs to understand that his actions are impacting the relationship.

We can’t help you him find employment, but we can tell you that looking for a job, is basically a full time job. If that makes any sense? We’re confident that he’ll get back on his feet once he starts to use them again.

In the future, if you ever need help organizing your finances, you should check out Mint Dot Com. It’s a good resource.

All the best, and good luck.

THE GUYS

Readers: Leave us a note with your question. Listen to our podcast to hear us answer questions.

Pet Peeves: Chuck shares his pet peeve, and The Guys nod their head in approval. What’s up with line cutting?

Ask the Guys: The Player…otherwise known as “The Playa” ….some guys just can’t be trusted.

Stream of Consciousness: Money, stripes, and Castles.

The MEAT: Do guys ask for help? What are the differences between men and women when asking questions? Is it relational, or just part of our DNA?

Special Guest: Roving reporter Dude-L.

Other links to check out: Lex and Lanna and Podcamp Boston and The Power Point Studio

Thank you for listening! Please subscribe to our show on itunes,  Zune, or on our website…and spread the word….Facebook, Twitter. Leave us a five star review and/or comment and be in the running for our next merchandise drawing!

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TGP Episode 13: The Bell from Hell [ 29:14 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Pet Peeves: Food porn, Baseball players

Ask the Guys: Group Dating

Father Stories: What dad’s do (Special guest)

THE MEAT: School Dilemma

Thanks so much for listening!

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TGP Episode 9: Food Porn, Friends w Benefits, School Dilemma [ 38:49 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

From: “One of The Guys”

Tiger Woods is a scoundrel. That we can all agree upon. And if you’re not sure, just ask his wife Elin. She’ll sadly confirm this point.

Tiger has put himself in this position. He had it all. Fame. Talent. Money. Family. Now he has, himself and his one endorsement deal, Nike.

But why are we giving him so much power? Seriously, why!!??

You ready for this.

I used to root for Tiger. He’s a great golfer. No, he’s the best golfer in the world. It’s fun seeing someone from the younger generation try to surpass some of the legends of the past.

Guess what? I still root for him. Why you say? (Many of you might be bristling about this, but give a guy a chance please!)

Why do I still root for him? Because I don’t give Tiger that much power. He’s a golfer to me and that’s it. Just as other athletes are just that, athletes.

You might argue, “What about the kids of the world? We don’t want them rooting for someone who is such a bad guy!” That’s a valid point, but it actually supports my position, because we’re teaching our kids all wrong.

Confused?

Tiger learned from his Old Man. He learned the game of golf, but he also learned how to be an island. He learned how to take care of his own needs and put himself first. How else do you get to be the best player in the world? You have to be completely selfish. There is no other way! Being the best requires complete sacrifice and Tiger gladly did that. He sacrificed his family and the respect of the world to be the best. His dad taught him that because his dad was a selfish scoundrel too.

But in a very important way Tiger has it right. He looked up to his father and respected him. It’s not his fault that his dad was a terrible role model. He was a good son. And that’s what we should be teaching our kids. How to be respectful, attentive, generous, helpful, kind, sensitive, emphatic and curious  human beings.

Instead what are we creating? Entitled kids who walk around thinking they can have anything. And what they can’t have they take. It’s not their fault, they’re learning it from us, not Tiger Woods.

So we need to buckle down, stop pointing fingers at the likes of Tiger, and take some responsibility ourselves. We need to teach our children the difference between right and wrong. We need to teach them how to be solid and caring people. We need to teach them that Tiger is an awesome golfer and that’s all, and not the person they should aspire to become.

And if we do all that, maybe one day we’ll hear our children say this, as they play make believe in the back yard.

Our kids as the announcer: The crowd is tense. It’s the 18th green of the Masters with the tournament on the line. If he sinks this putt he wins it all……(Pause) The stroke looks solid. The ball is rolling. Rolling. It’s. It’s. It’s good. It’s good!! He sinks it! Daddy sinks the putt to win his first major championship!!!! And the crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!!

If I ever hear those words, it will be music to my ears.

So now that you gave me a chance, what do you think? Where do you stand?