The Guy’s Perspective

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Next Up:

Four years and counting

Did he care at all?

Break up confusion

Dear Guys,

There’s this guy I’m friends with and before we met he always told his friend how hot I was. Well after we met for the first time he told his friend he liked my personality. So we started texting and had really good conversations. Then we hung out twice in a group, and after that he stopped texting. It’s like he didn’t care. My question is, how can a guy say stuff like that and talk to you until like 1:30am but then all of a sudden just stop?

I’m 17 and so is he. We go to the same school but never see each other there.

The only time that he’s kinda asked me out was last week. We were texting and he asked when I was leaving for spring break and I told him not until sometime during the week and he said “Gotcha. Sooo we are all gonna chill this weekend then?” And I said yeah we could go to the movies and he was cool with that, but we ended up not being able to go. The “all” in the message is in reference to his best friend and his girlfriend who happens to be my best friend; that’s how we met.

I’m black and he’s white; I don’t know if that makes a difference or not. It’s not an issue with either of us or our friends cause they’re interracial too. He also said that he respected that I am still a virgin and he said he hates guys that try to pressure girls into sex so I don’t think that’s his main goal. But, I also have had experiences with guys saying that and they turn out to be complete douches so I do have my guard up kinda.

One more thing, my friend said that she was reading her boyfriend’s chat message and the guy I’m into was supposedly hooking up with some girl, which didn’t really bother me because it’s not like we were dating, but I mean it still didn’t sit well with me…

Thanks so much for helping

Asia

Dear Asia,

Thanks for writing to us. Let’s try and sort this out.

This guy is fishing. He’s trying to figure out what his best play is. We’re not completely comfortable with his approach.

First of all, we don’t like to hear that this guy is hooking up with another girl. That’s a red flag in our eyes. On the one hand he says he respects you for being a virgin. But on the other hand he’s trying to get some action from some other girl while he’s pursuing you? What does this say to you? To us it says that his actions speak a little louder than his words.

We will cut him some slack since this is not atypical of a 17 yr. old guy, but really he should just come right out and ask you out instead of being passive and putting the onus on you.

For example. He should say:

“Would you like to go to the movies with me?”

Instead of:

“Are we gonna chill this weekend?”

The first example is active. He’s actively pursuing you. The second is passive. He’s trying to elicit some sort of response from you and get you to be the initiator. And you did just that by suggesting the movies.

Asia, it might feel good to take control, but in the end it’s going to backfire on you. No matter if you’re 17 or 35 or 55, let the man pursue you, at least at the beginning. That doesn’t mean you should play hard to get or play games, it just means, don’t make it easy for him by taking the reins.

So here’s what we think. Just see how this plays out, but let him pursue you. And if you hear about him hooking up with other girls, it might be time to check out some other possibilities yourself.

Best to you,

THE GUYS

Pet Peeves: Bumper Stickers, Movies and Morning Breath

Ask the Guys: A question of condoms?

THE MEAT: Sex and Religion

TGP Episode 17: Sex and Religion [ 38:05 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Creepy: All things creepy-listeners and readers share their thoughts.

Hot or Not: Scary Movies, Costume Parties, Pumpkins, Candy Corn, Witches, and Vampires

Contest: We announce the winner!

Ask the Guys: Guy friends and Co-workers

Halloween: Cucch and Sai share stories; listeners get in on the action.

Movies: Our top five scary movies

TGP Episode 15: Creepy Things and Halloween [ 40:40 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The Rundown:

Pet Peeves: Babies at the movies. Cell phones.

Ask the Guys: Is technology making us dumber?

Father Stories: Our friend Lovy reflects on her father.

Stream of Consciousness: Summer, Computers, and Guinea Pigs

The Meat: Curse of the Nice Guy

Thanks for listening!

If you haven’t subscribed already, you can do so on our website or on itunes.

Join in the discussion, and leave us a comment on our website, or on our Facebook fan page.

And if you’re so inclined, a five star rating, or a review on itunes would be most appreciated. After the first twenty reviews we’ll be having a drawing for a piece of our merchandise. Shipped to your door from THE GUYS!!

Please Digg or Stumble this podcast. Thanks!

TGP Episode 5: The Curse of the Nice Guy...and more! [ 42:48 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

We’ve had many of our readers wonder about THE GUYS. Well today we’d like to answer some of your questions. So here goes:

You: Is it just one guy or are there a bunch of guys?

Us: The site was started by Sai, aka “One of the Guys” as a dating website writing descriptions for online profiles, but it’s morphed into much more. (Yes, we still do that.) But now we have five other guys contributing to various parts of our site, including the blog, podcast and creative team.

You: So then why the singular Guy’s Perspective.

Us: Guy is a singular term. Basically we are presenting the perspective of the guy, or a guy. How does a guy think? What does he do? What motivates him? What is his next move? Since we’re all guys, we feel we have a pretty good handle on this. Also, The Guy’s Perspective just looks better than The Guys’ Perspective.

You: How old are you guys?

Us: Old enough to know that we don’t know everything. But seriously, most of us are in our thirties and forties. However, we certainly can remember our teens and twenties. Those kinds of memories don’t fade; good and bad!

You: What makes you qualified to talk about relationships?

Us: We’ve gained a lot of insight from our own dating experiences, plus marriage and fatherhood. However, we don’t necessarily have more qualifications than anyone else, just that we’re able to bounce ideas off each other and really discuss all topics thoroughly.

You: What are you guys into besides talking about relationships?

Us: We’re into everything and anything. Here are some interesting tidbits about us.

These are from various guys.

-I love Terry Gilliam movies.

-I possibly make the world’s finest apple crisp.

-I run a beverage company by day.

-I’ve played the piano at Yoshi’s Jazz Club.

-I hate every one of the 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer.

-I once wanted to travel around the country playing pick up basketball.

-I wore my baseball uniform every day to first grade.

-The songs most played songs on my ipod are: “Going in the right direction” by Robert Randolph. “Local Hero” by Mark Knopfler. “Pride and Joy” by Stevie Ray Vaughn.

-Favorite movies of ours: “Shawshank Redemption” “Pulp Fiction” “Bourne Identity” “Forrest Gump” “Slumdog Millionaire.” Actually the list could go on and on.

-I own a mandolin.

-I am searching for a Jesus shaped spirituality.

-I owned a standard poodle as a kid. She famously jumped out of the second floor window and survived.

-I climbed El Capitan, and slept five nights gaming from a hammock on the wall. (He’s insane!)

-We have 12 kids between us. No grandchildren.

You: Thanks for clearing some things up for us. Can we keep asking you questions as we think of them?

Us: Sure. Ask away. We won’t promise that we’ll answer all of them, but we’ll do our best.

You: Last question. Are you really as nice as you try to portray here?

Us: Yikes. Do you mean, are we really that square? Or are you asking if we’re hiding something?

You: Both.

Us: Let’s put it this way, none of us have criminal records, or anything like that. Jeez! And as far as being square, no question would shock us. We’re not as shy as we seem, and we like talking about everything, even sex. Yeah, we said it. Yes, there’s a little bad boy in all of us.

THE GUYS

Any more questions? Ask away! (We’re not promising, but we’ll do our best.)

Back in full force for Round 2! And coming soon to itunes.

In this show:

“Ask the Guys” We try to save Jeff from Chick Flick purgatory, by offering our picks. Otherwise he’ll be banned to the garage for the third cleaning this month.

“Father Stories” This is just what dad’s do! A late night camping story.

“Stream of Consciousness” From Hybrid Cars, to toothpicks, to Iron Man. THE GUYS take a circuitous route and end up where they started…..kind of.

“The Meat” Do guys take walks together? Do we dare reveal who we really are!? An extension of the topic introduced on our blog.

Next Podcast: Friendships with the opposite sex, plus some new segments!

TGP Podcast Episode 2: Flicks, Friends, and Father Knows Best [ 49:29 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download