The Guy’s Perspective

Article originally appeared in the Gatehouse family of newspapers.

“Booting up for the New Year” by Saelen Ghose

After a long, restful vacation I feel like one of those old internet providers—the kind you’d dial-in, then go make tea and read the paper, before it finally connected. It always takes a while for me to “boot up” for the New Year. But my kids, even longer.

I’ve been hearing cries of rebellion for the last few weeks as school and extra-curricular activities have resumed again, squeezing hours out of the day, that for a while were filled with just sitting around being bored. I no longer hear, “Dad, I am bored.” It’s more like, “Dad, I wish I were bored.”  To which I respond, “Me too.”

Boy do I wish I were bored. Or rather, had time in my day where I could choose to be bored if I wanted to. But instead I find myself right back in full swing, making lunches, signing permission slips, working, chauffering to practices, making dinners, cleaning up dinners, helping with homework, putting the kids to bed, and working more. And of course there’s the ever-present dog to take care of.

So I’m wondering how to stop from falling into familiar patterns? Is it possible to ignore what everyone else is doing, and make decisions that work specifically for my family? Is there a way to make life flow in a more congruous way, rather than being so fragmented? Can I find balance?

I think a good start would be to impose a simple family rule: my wife and I make the decisions for the family. I do believe it’s important to empower kids to think for themselves and also important to encourage them to make their own decisions. But while those are important qualities to impart, sometimes those teachings can backfire, especially when the kids think they’re running the show.

Just the other day, my wife and I wanted to take a family hike in the woods. Instead of cheers from the gallery we heard moans and groans as if we told the kids it was time to go get their flu shots. We ignored their cries and went ahead with our plans. We knew that once we were surrounded by the clean, wooded air, everyone would have a great time. And we were right. The dog playfully roamed free for once, the kids explored streams and rotted tree trunks, and my wife and I took it all in and relaxed. We were all able to decompress and dial out for a moment, which needs to happen more often. But for me, the best part was that we were all together.

Too much of our family time is spent dividing and conquering. We have to because our schedule is insane, like most modern families. Weekends sound like this. “I’ll drive to soccer, then pick up the presents for the party.” “Sounds good. It’s my turn to carpool to basketball. Then I’ll pick up the boys from the party later.” “Great. I’m helping sell Girl Scout cookies this afternoon, so we’ll rendezvous at the pizza joint some time this evening.” “Perfect.” And by the time the day is done, the kids are fried, and my wife and I barely have enough energy to get up off the couch and go to bed.

Believe me, a part of that schedule I love. My favorite activity is watching my kids participate in the activities they love. But these types of weekends often revolve around individuals in our family, rather than our family as a whole.

I’d like to change that this new year. When we asked the kids what their highlights were for 2011, most of their responses involved some sort of family outing or vacation. And seeing that those particular activities took up a very small percentage of the year, that was quite telling. Sure, it’s difficult to get five people on the same page at any given time, but bringing the family together as a unit is vital for our collective well-being. We are a team, and the best way to gel like a team is to play together often.

So here’s to 2012. Same people, but hoping for some new habits. More time together, arguing over which station to listen to, who leads the hike, and what restaurant we’ll go to. But somehow I know all those arguments will be forgotten as memories form, prioritizing the good times. My guess is, we’ll all only remember what mattered most: time spent together as one.

“Magic of the holidays” by Saelen Ghose

Originally published in: The Cleveland Plain Dealer and The MetroWest Daily 

Magic is the art of lost and found. It’s the craft of manipulation where matter disappears and then reappears right before our very eyes. Magic has been around forever, and it never ceases to amaze and delight us, but sadly it’s missing in our everyday lives.

Recently my daughter said, “Daddy, is Mickey real?” She was referring to none other than Mickey Mouse, fueled from a recent trip to Disney World thanks to the generosity of my in-laws.

I said, “What do you think?”

“Well, my friend at school said Mickey’s not real. But I think he is because he has a tongue.”

I almost laughed out loud, but instead I said, “What do you mean?”

“Donald and Goofy don’t have tongues. How can they possibly eat without tongues? But Mickey has a tongue, so he can eat. He must be real. And anyway, he’s magical.”

I smiled at what I thought was pretty solid reasoning for a six-year old.

With Christmas fast approaching my kids have been discussing Santa Claus in some detail. They are getting to the age where logic is starting to impose its will on the magical world of reindeer, sleighs, and the North Pole, and in turn, I’m getting peppered with questions I’m ill prepared to answer.

“Dad, how does Santa deliver presents to every house in the world, all in one night?

“Dad, wouldn’t the sleigh be too heavy for the reindeer to carry all those presents?”

“Dad, how big is Santa’s bag? It must be bigger than our house?”

And then the worst of all, “Dad, do you believe in Santa?”

At this point I’m still able to parry, feint, and disengage, because why in the world would I want to answer any of these questions? Why would I want to take all the fun out of a very special time of year? This approach goes against my usual parental instincts. Typically when my kids ask me questions I try to give detailed answers, exploring every nuance so they can really understand the subtleties of whatever concept or topic they’re trying to understand. But for Santa questions, and any other magic related questions, including the tooth fairy and other cartoon characters, I use what therapists call a redirect. I say, “Hmm. I don’t know. What do you think?”

Magic is far more involved than pulling rabbits out of a hat and making coins appear from behind an unsuspecting ear. Magic is much bigger than some guy wearing a wrinkled tuxedo and a black top hat, providing entertainment during birthday parties, or business holiday outings. Magic is directly or indirectly involved in everything we can’t explain about our world. Magic is the mystery that makes life so interesting, and keeps us guessing even as we discover more and more about the ins and outs of the universe.

The concept of magic lives large in kids, but for most grown-ups it’s considered part of a world we left long ago to pursue more serious endeavors like careers and families. As we get older it gets harder to believe in things we can’t touch or see, even if we understand they exist—like the tiny microscopic particles that are in front of our very eyes every day. Sure many grown-ups have spiritual and religious faith, but do we really believe in things we can’t imagine? Do we ever really suspend belief and not try and come up with a logical explanation for life’s events? Do we ever consider that magic might be at work, connecting the dots and making it all work out the way it’s supposed to? Is the world really just coincidental?

Everyone says the holidays are all about family coming together, and for the most part that’s accurate. But I think what makes the holidays extra special is the magic that surrounds it, breathes life into it, and makes it come alive. Viewing this through the lens of my children is special and fun, but I’d like to get to a place where I believe it all again too, because a world filled with Mickey, Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and any other fantastical creature, is a world that’s a lot more enjoyable than the mundane one I function in.

As a parent with many responsibilities it’s hard to suspend belief for too long, otherwise my kids will go hungry, the bills will go unpaid, and the car will run out of gas. I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to keep some semblance of order in my chaotic life as a dad, and often wonder if I was put on this planet solely to cook, clean, and grocery shop.

What I really need to do is sit back and listen, because it’s those funny and interesting conversations with my kids that remind me that the world is so much bigger and more wondrous than I can even remember. And if I want to recreate this magical world for myself, I need to allow myself a few moments to wonder, and imagine the possibilities, and maybe, just maybe, allow myself to feel the magic once again.

Please share your insights into this topic here in the comments section. How do you answer these difficult questions? Do your kids still believe? Do you believe in magic? 

Read more of Saelen’s stories of fatherhood and parenting here at The Guy’s Perspective.

Contact Saelen for help with your memoirs. sghose@theguysperspective.com

Charles Shaughnessy: I've come home. [ 27:27 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Charles Shaughnessy:  “I’ve come home”
This past summer, the Guy’s had the chance to speak with actor, producer, director Charles Shaughnessy.  Most recognized for his roll in television’s “The Nanny” opposite actress Fran Drescher, at the time he was appearing in a production of “My Fair Lady” at The North Shore Music Theatre.  Presently you can find him starring in “Game Show” at the New Theatre in Kansas City and in the Hallmark Channel’s original movie “Loves Christmas Journey”

For the full interview click the audio link on this page or check out The Guy’s Perspective Ep.38.  The following is an excerpt of that discussion.

Cucch:  You come from a theater background.  Your father was a writer and wrote for the BBC series “Upstairs, Downstairs” and your mother was an actress as well.  Now, your brother David and you have both pursued careers in acting and production.  Was that something your parents pushed you towards?

Charles:  My parents would have different friends over all the time, but every year they would have their theater friends, because the showbiz friends kind of couldn’t really mingle with a lot of other people.  They were different sort of folk.  So every year they would have this one big blowout party and it was the most exciting night of the year.  David and I would be allowed to stay up and take the coats and kind of serve drinks and after a while people got too drunk to notice us.  So we just stayed up all night and sometimes there would be people that we had seen on tv or in the movies and they would be there in our living room singing around the piano.  So we grew up in that kind of excitement.  But at the same time we knew the other side of the coin.  We knew that it was a hard business and there was a lot of unemployment in it.  But they were a great people and I loved that atmosphere and those people.  I went into acting in school and acted my little head off all the way through school.  But at that point where I was about to leave high school and go into acting, my brother who was two years younger suddenly decided that he wanted to be an actor and he had never shown any interest in it.  So he kind of jumped the line and when he did that I thought, “Well someone has got to be sensible.”.  I mean my dad at the time was an out of work writer and my mom was a retired actress and now my brother was going into this very unstable profession.  I thought someone has got to be smart and save the family.  So I thought I will go to university and read law for some godforsaken reason and got a law degree.  Then I came out of it with this law degree and realized that I didn’t want to be a lawyer.  I didn’t want to be around these people, I wanted to be around my kind of clan.

Cucch:  So those experiences early on really set the theater hook in both you and your brother?

Charles:  They did and I finally found my way back to it and I remember just feeling like “I’ve come home.”

Great thanks to Charles Shaughnessy for taking the time to chat with us and to you our dear listeners and readers for checking the interview out.

Onward and Upward,

Cucch

Read article in The MetroWest Daily

“The upside of no sleep” by Saelen Ghose (Follow on Twitter @saelenghose)

For all you parents out there feeling sentimental about your kids growing up, I have an instant cure for you to try: Let one of your kids invite nine friends over for a birthday sleepover. Yes, in one short—I mean, one very long—evening you too can be cured of all your sentimentality. In fact, I can guarantee that, at least for a few months, the only thing you’ll be sad about is the bus being late to pick up your kids for school.

When planning a party of this magnitude there is much that can be controlled. What kind of food will be served? What activities the kids will engage in? And where will everyone sleep? (Our basement was now off-limits due to a recent musty odor that emerged after we lost power for three days in the October snowstorm. This glitch parked the entire party crew in our living room.) What is impossible to control is the weather.

The morning of the party I drove around with a smile on my face as I finished up some last minute errands. The day was sunny, the roads were refreshingly empty, and I rolled down the windows to let a warm wind blow through my hair. (I’m kidding…..I shaved my head recently.) I enjoyed watching the leaves floating down from the trees, creating tunnels of color for me to drive through. But as the party hour grew closer, the sky darkened, and my mood followed suit.

As kids arrived it began to pour. But that was in no way a deterrent for them as they ran outside to play “kill the carrier” on the muddy lawn. (So much for my weather worries.) This is a tackling game where everyone piles on the kid with the ball. And I’m sure it’s not the kind of game sanctioned by the majority of parents that had entrusted us with their children for the night. Nevertheless I let them continue as I monitored for excessive force and various underhanded blows. My biggest concern was that they were all getting soaking wet and the party had barely begun.

Although we survived the tackling game without a scratch, blood was drawn soon after the party migrated inside. The boys started to whack each other with plastic bowling pins, unbeknownst to my wife and me. I quickly bandaged up the injured partygoer and told them all to get changed. We were headed to the actual bowling alley to enjoy the arcade.

Big parties are not my cup of tea. My son’s party reminded me of my own disastrous birthday sleepovers as a kid. I remember one particularly unsettling party when many of my treasured possessions got smashed by the “cool guys” that I insisted on inviting. I can still remember to this day, crawling deep down into my sleeping bag with tears in my eyes, wishing the party would just end.

But these parties do serve a purpose, at least for parents. They inform us. They give us an insider’s view on what our kids are thinking about. I was surprised at how open the boys were about a variety of topics even though I was loitering nearby. They especially talked a lot about girls, expressing who they thought was cute, and “hot”— their words—which made me laugh inside. It was amusing to see which boys were truly interested, and which boys were only pretending to be interested so they could fit in. And I especially loved seeing where my son fit in this spectrum of interest.

We made it through the night without any serious incidents. Collectively we all slept about two hours, but every guest left with a smile on his face. And my son might have had the most satisfied smile of all.

I said to my wife during the course of the night—when things were getting particularly loud—that we wouldn’t be doing this again. But now that I’ve had time to reflect, and rest, I’m kind of rethinking it. Sure, these parties are torture. It’s like being trapped in a room with the sound of fingernails scraping across a chalk board in perfect sync with Village People’s, “YMCA.” But missing a night’s sleep to get a firsthand glimpse into my son’s world might just be worth it.

Saelen Ghose is a syndicated columnist for Gatehouse Media.

Are you working on your memoirs? Do you need ghostwriting support? Saelen also writes memoirs and obits.

“Upsetting the Pumpkin Cart” by Saelen Ghose  (Follow on Twitter: @saelenghose)

My 10-year-old son announced he wants to trick-or-treat with his friends this year. This upsets me. I mark time in two ways: my yearly tax appointment during school February vacation and our traditional family trick-or-treat outing every October. I look forward to both of these events because even though they are very different experiences, each gives me a sense of continuity from year-to-year. Now my son wants to upset the pumpkin cart and change it all, and I’m just not ready.

My kids are growing up fast. Fifth grade is more than halfway to the day my son might leave to further his education. And ten years old is close enough to those dramatic early teen years where my love for him won’t change, but on certain days I won’t like him very much. Where does this leave me? It leaves me with two or three more years to enjoy our family time before my kids make a mass exodus and leave their parents in the dust.

These rumblings of independence I know are normal. I remember from my own childhood how fun it was to scamper around the neighborhood with just my friends, trying to fill our bags with full-sized candy bars—much bigger than the “nuggets” my kids come home with today—and other Halloween treats. My parents let me go without their supervision, probably because they knew my lust for candy would keep me out of trouble. (Who has time to knock over pumpkins or scare even younger kids when there’s business to conduct?) I took my “task” seriously because I knew I would be comparing loot with my brother and sister soon after I arrived home. After dumping the contents of our bags on the living room floor, we’d sort everything and then start counting. The victor would get bragging rights for an entire year, which was pretty sweet for me since I was the middle child and rarely got to boast about much, due to my precarious position in the birth order.

When my son announced his Halloween intentions this year my wife and I gave each other the “eye-roll.” She and I agree that we need to give him more space and allow him more freedom. But before that happens we also agree he’s in sore need of an education. Not that he’s not getting a fine one in school, but he needs the kind of education they don’t cover in the classroom, primarily because there’s only so much his teachers can do within the confines of four walls.

So at the end of this past summer we began to educate him on a few topics we felt he lacked some basic knowledge in—knowledge that he would need upon entering fifth grade. Sure this is arbitrary; every parent needs to decide what information their child needs, and also when they feel comfortable conveying this specific information. The best I can say is we took our cues from him. After hearing countless stories at the end of last year about the bus and playground, and also recently hearing certain words coming from his mouth— words that we knew he didn’t learn at our house—we felt it was time.

Of course our initial conversation led to other conversations which led into other topics that maybe we weren’t quite ready to discuss with him—like contents of R rated movies and You Tube Videos, school gossip, and the like. But the conversations were positive, because not only did we get to peer into his world, he also got a glimpse into ours, which only further strengthened our connection with him. Naturally, after he received all this new information and felt emboldened by it, he was ready to go trick-or-treating without us.

I realize my job as a parent is to parent myself out of a job. I know I need to teach values, lead by example, and give my kids opportunities to think for themselves so they can make their own decisions and mistakes and grow from them. And hopefully by the time they’ve gathered and digested all of this information they’ll be perfectly capable and functioning people. On paper this all makes perfect sense, but when you’re in the trenches it’s a lot more difficult, because letting go of the reigns means giving up control; and without control I no longer can determine outcomes, even though I intuitively know that trying to control anything is an illusion.

My wife and I haven’t decided what to do about Halloween this year. I think we’re comfortable allowing my son to go trick-or-treating without us, but I don’t know if I’m ready to let go. I realize today’s world moves faster than the world I grew up in, but I think my son is just going to have to deal with a sentimental dad who wants him close for a few more years.

Please leave a comment. Share your experiences. Thanks!

One of the greatest gifts children give to their parents is the chance to live life a second time around. Sai reads a piece he wrote for The Guy’s Perspective blog by that same name, with some quiet jazz playing in the background.

How are you planning on living life in the New Year? Status quo? Any changes? Please share your resolutions with us.

For more articles about life, fatherhood, and relationships visit our site at “The Guy’s Perspective dot com.”

TGP Episode 24: The second time around [ 5:50 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Upon visiting one of our favorite blogs, AskCherlock, we read a piece entitled Hate Crimes, Women and the Internet.

Here is an excerpt from her piece. Please go to her blog to read the rest of the article, as well as other great articles on world events and politics. And leave her a comment.

“……hate crimes against women are increasing as we are perceived as soft targets. One must wonder what role the Internet plays in this. Perhaps the Internet has become a place where some socially isolated men (or women) find it easy to hide behind an avatar and spew venom or prey upon others due to some latent mental pathology.”

For those of you who don’t know the word misogyny, it means quite simply, “hatred of women” or “considering them less” or “despising them.”

The first thought that comes to mind, besides the shame of coincidentally being the same gender as some of these men, is sadness. What type of upbringing, or lack of upbringing, must a boy have had to turn into a man filled with this type of anger? Or maybe he just picked up subtle clues over a long period of time. Either way it starts with parents.

Arguments are part of relationships, but it’s how the arguments are conducted that impact children and teach them how to treat one another. If a child senses veiled threats, bullying, or witnesses abuse, he will make mental notes about how relationships work. And ultimately he will conduct himself in a similar manner if not worse.

However it’s not always so obvious. Sometimes it could be simply, a boy hears remarks about how woman look and act. Over time these remarks gain momentum and make it clear to the boys that women are in fact just objects. And it’s a lot easier to hate an object than it is a person.

Discussing origins is one thing, but intervening to stop these types of crimes is a whole different ball game. However, do we really have a choice? Cher discusses how the internet is playing a role in hate crimes. We can see how easy it is to start a blog or a forum, and throw out all sorts of venomous barbs with little or no consequences. For in many ways the internet is truly the wild frontier with its own laws and it’s own sense of justice. But we are not helpless to combat this type of thing. We must put on our sheriff’s hats  and rally together and speak up.

Hate crimes against anyone should never be tolerated!!

If we work together as a united front, it’s possible we can help stop a few tragedies from happening. Please do your part to spread the word.

THE GUYS

From: THE GUYS

People have been coming to our site with questions, and sadly we haven’t had all the answers. Here are some recent examples.

How to take a sophomore to the Prom?

How to talk to a guy after a fight?

How to paralyze someone? (Huh? This still makes us laugh and cringe!)

So to help out our readers, we decided to start our own How To series. Let’s begin.

The art of conversation has taken a nosedive in recent years. Why? We’re out of practice. Technology has had a lot to do with this, since we use our devices to do much of the talking for us. But really the blame lies with us, because we’ve stopped valuing face-to-face communication.

At an early age we learn how to converse from our parents. We observe their body language as they discuss household chores. We watch them handle sensitive topics like who’s night is it to be up with the baby. We see how they argue, and hopefully resolve problems. It’s a complicated and delicate dance for sure, and difficult to learn. But it takes a lot of time and practice. Hopefully this guide will help you become aware of the finer points of good conversation, and get you started on your way to becoming an artful conversationalist, or maybe just a little less boring.

Let’s pretend you’re meeting someone new or you’re on a first date. Here are ten things that might help you keep it interesting, or at least yawn free.

1. Greet the person with a smile. Getting off to the right start is key to having a good conversation. Smiling breaks the ice and lets the person know you’re happy to see them, or at least eager to get to know them. Otherwise they start to think, “Do I have a furry woodland creature coming out of my nose? And I don’t even have a tissue.”

2. Keep eye contact. And that doesn’t mean bore a hole through their head. You don’t want to scare them right away. Save that for later when you tell them about your latest stint in rehab. This means, look at them when they’re speaking, or for that matter, when you’re speaking. And please don’t constantly glance at the big flat screen TV or the cute waiter or waitress. Those are big No Nos!

3. Ask them questions that are relevant. Whether you care about the topic being discussed or not is irrelevant, because the primary goal is to get to know the person better. If they’re discussing Yoga passionately ask them to tell you their morning routine, or what is their favorite pose, or what would be something good for a beginner to try. Don’t ask them to show you Downward-Facing Dog, or what they look like in their outfit, or if all Yoga people use Patchouli, or how does the mat feel on their soft skin. That’s creepy and pretty much a conversation stopper!

4. Don’t redirect. We like to talk about ourselves. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, flipping the conversation to give yourself a platform for pontificating about your Iron Man training or your Dog Grooming business won’t win you a new fan. If you feel it’s relevant to interject a personal experience about the topic at hand that is completely appropriate, but then please redirect back to them. Sorry did I say, don’t redirect?

5. Read their body language. This isn’t always easy, so here are some tips. If the person has tears dripping down their face, it’s best to stop talking about your fascinating Cigar or Porcelain Figurine collections. If they keep looking at their water glass like it should be in the Louvre, it’s best you stop talking about your last partner’s annoying habit of picking the calluses off their feet. And if your friend starts to look at the waiter or waitresses or the big screen TV, even without SOUND, it’s best to ask them a relevant question quickly.

6. Listen. No, for real. Listen!! This doesn’t mean, listen for the first opening to inject some clever quip. This means listen, and show them you are interested in what they’re saying by looking at them(#2), and asking them relevant questions(#3). Listening is an art form in itself. It takes practice. So practice on your buddies, or on your boss, but don’t go out on dates to practice listening, unless you like going on a lot of first dates.

7. Show that you’re interested. This goes along with listening. One way to show interest in what they are talking about is to use their name when you ask them a question. “Jane/Jon, I heard that apples bring on physical reactions during allergy season. Is that true?” Of course they’d better be talking about some sort of homeopathic remedy to ask a question like that. (Remember, keep it relevant!) Using a person’s name is very effective and will immediately tell the person you are focused only on them. Some other obvious things. Eye contact(#2). And body language(#5). Don’t slouch, glance or pick anything. Sit upright and maybe even lean forward a bit and nod your head. One Word of Caution. You are not auditioning for a play. Don’t overact or overuse any of these things, or you’ll win the “Worst Impression of a Conversationalist” at the next SAG awards.

8. Don’t share too much. By all means tell the person about yourself. They want to get to know you too. But don’t get too personal. You don’t have to share about those funny spots that cover your neck beneath your turtleneck, or the time you and some friends woke up naked inside the science museum, or the fact that you tend to yell out “mommy” when you sleep. These are things best left to mention after you’re married.

9. Show you have a sense of humor. It helps if you are funny, but that doesn’t mean telling jokes. This is not a comedy act and your friend is not your audience. You can certainly try to inject funny remarks or a few humorous stories into the conversation. It’s even OK to gently tease your friend. Teasing is a form of flirting and can be very attractive, but please be subtle. Don’t make fun of any physical features, or their family or friends. Another note of caution. Don’t try to be funny if you’re not. You can always show you know how to have a good time by laughing with them. Which brings us to our last point.

10. Be yourself. Be genuine. Don’t change the way you do things just to make a good impression. If you’re not one to talk a lot, then listen a ton and ask questions. If you’re used to dominating conversations, then get your friend involved. The best you can do is show the person you are interested and let them know who you are.

Conclusion: Avoid the yawn. This is your goal for the entire night. Once your new friend yawns the night’s over. It doesn’t matter if they say they’re tired, or they had a  long day at work. Those are all nice ways of saying, “Check please.”

So relax and have a good time. You might be surprised at how stimulating a good conversation can be.

If not you can always go home and play with your ipad.

Do you have any funny, scary, horrible or awesome conversations you would like to share with everyone?

Or do you have any more advice on how to have a conversation?

From: “One of The Guys”

Tiger Woods is a scoundrel. That we can all agree upon. And if you’re not sure, just ask his wife Elin. She’ll sadly confirm this point.

Tiger has put himself in this position. He had it all. Fame. Talent. Money. Family. Now he has, himself and his one endorsement deal, Nike.

But why are we giving him so much power? Seriously, why!!??

You ready for this.

I used to root for Tiger. He’s a great golfer. No, he’s the best golfer in the world. It’s fun seeing someone from the younger generation try to surpass some of the legends of the past.

Guess what? I still root for him. Why you say? (Many of you might be bristling about this, but give a guy a chance please!)

Why do I still root for him? Because I don’t give Tiger that much power. He’s a golfer to me and that’s it. Just as other athletes are just that, athletes.

You might argue, “What about the kids of the world? We don’t want them rooting for someone who is such a bad guy!” That’s a valid point, but it actually supports my position, because we’re teaching our kids all wrong.

Confused?

Tiger learned from his Old Man. He learned the game of golf, but he also learned how to be an island. He learned how to take care of his own needs and put himself first. How else do you get to be the best player in the world? You have to be completely selfish. There is no other way! Being the best requires complete sacrifice and Tiger gladly did that. He sacrificed his family and the respect of the world to be the best. His dad taught him that because his dad was a selfish scoundrel too.

But in a very important way Tiger has it right. He looked up to his father and respected him. It’s not his fault that his dad was a terrible role model. He was a good son. And that’s what we should be teaching our kids. How to be respectful, attentive, generous, helpful, kind, sensitive, emphatic and curious  human beings.

Instead what are we creating? Entitled kids who walk around thinking they can have anything. And what they can’t have they take. It’s not their fault, they’re learning it from us, not Tiger Woods.

So we need to buckle down, stop pointing fingers at the likes of Tiger, and take some responsibility ourselves. We need to teach our children the difference between right and wrong. We need to teach them how to be solid and caring people. We need to teach them that Tiger is an awesome golfer and that’s all, and not the person they should aspire to become.

And if we do all that, maybe one day we’ll hear our children say this, as they play make believe in the back yard.

Our kids as the announcer: The crowd is tense. It’s the 18th green of the Masters with the tournament on the line. If he sinks this putt he wins it all……(Pause) The stroke looks solid. The ball is rolling. Rolling. It’s. It’s. It’s good. It’s good!! He sinks it! Daddy sinks the putt to win his first major championship!!!! And the crowd goes wild!!!!!!!!!!

If I ever hear those words, it will be music to my ears.

So now that you gave me a chance, what do you think? Where do you stand?

From: “One of The Guys”

Creativity seems to be a lost art, and it’s only getting worse. Couples rely on movies and take out to fill the weekend nights. Kids power up their video games to be entertained and the rest of the world surfs the web to get a glimpse into the lives of others.

Am I different? Not completely! And it’s scaring me.

For a long time I stopped reading books. I didn’t have time with my babies being, um babies, so I resorted to magazines to keep up on my reading. Quick, fast, entertaining and easy! This past year I started reading books again and it took me a long time to actually figure out how to read a book. I’m totally serious. I actually forgot how to “see” it in my mind, keep the characters straight, and follow the plot. This was due to my learned, short attention span, and my lengthy hiatus from the world of creativity.

But I managed to get it back slowly, and now I’ve realized that creativity can be lost too. Great, another thing to worry about! And I especially worry about it with my kids. They are creative, but only when it’s easy to be creative. They haven’t learned how to cope with “boredom” because they lack the vision to create something from what’s perceived as nothing.

So what’s happened to creativity?

Are relationships failing because creativity has become a dying art?

What do you think?

The truth is, we don’t NEED to be creative anymore. We can get many of our needs met without doing much mental work at all. So what happens is we fall into a routine that slowly wears away our mental sharpness.

But where does this all start?

I’ll tell you where. It starts at a very young age. In fact, right at my house.

Here’s how:

Let me start out by saying, I hate the Wii. We bought this video game system for our kids because they’d been begging for it for over a year. Not that their begging necessarily determines our actions. They’ve also begged for Pellet Guns, Guinea Pigs, Motorized Scooters and another sibling, for which they’ve gotten none.

Video Games have become part of “water cooler” talk in schools around the country, just like Pet Rocks, Smiley T shirts, Happy Days and Saturday Morning Cartoons were for me. We felt that it was important for our kids to be able to participate in those conversations, so we went ahead and told Santa to bring the Wii. We figured we could just limit it to weekends and that would be OK.

But here’s what’s happened.

It’s become the default game for them. And it seems to have drained them of all of their creativity.

Them: Dad, can we play the Wii?

Me: No, not right now. Think of something else to do.

Them: We’re bored. There’s nothing to do.

Me: Well, what did you do BEFORE you got the Wii?

Them: We can’t remember.

Me: What about Bionicles or dolls or sports? You used to like that.

Them: We just want to play Wii.

Me: Didn’t I just say no?

Them: C’mon.

So annoying. So I make them write a list of ten OTHER things they like to do. My oldest, who’s Mr. Make Believe has no problem with this. My daughter does it to please me. But my middle child. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him: Dad, I can’t think of anything.

Me: Really? Nothing? Really?

Him: No, I can’t think of anything.

Me: Do you want some help?

(Silence. I interpret this as a yes…..mistake…….so I start trying to help…..big mistake!)

Me: Well, what sports do you like?

Him: I don’t know.

Me: You like baseball. And basketball. Soccer. What about tennis?

Him: Dad!!!!!!!!!! Now I can’t use any of those things!

Me: What!!? Why?

Him: Because you said them already. Now I can’t use them.

Me: What are talking about!!?? Of course you can use them. You like them.

Him: No, I can’t use them and I’m not putting them down on the list.

(Silence. So I keep pushing it)

Me: What about music? You like to play the piano right?

Him: Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Fine, do it yourself. But you need to have five things written down before you do anything else. You hear me Mister?! (I’ve already caved from the ten things I originally said)

Him: Harumph…..

After twenty minutes he hands me the list. There are only two things on it.

Things I like to Do(His List)

1. Lie in Bed

2. Kind of read

I stare at this list. I think, “Oh my god, this took him twenty minutes to do?” I start panicking. “Now what kind of extra services is he going to need at school? He won’t be able to get past third grade.” I start sweating. “What’s happened to his creativity? Is it completely gone?”

Then I realize it. It hits me like a brick. The Wii has emptied the creativity out of my kids. No, I mean literally. These machines are evil. The truth is, the controllers the kids use are really electronic vacuums that suck all the creative juices out of whoever’s using them. These juices flow into the machine and back to the main headquarters. The gaming companies then use this creative energy to churn out more games and make more money. It’s pure genius!!  But now I’m onto them.

So after pondering  this epiphany I realize I still have my son to deal with.
So I tell him to go to his room, lie in bed and read.

He seemed to like that idea.

Finally I did something right. One of the firsts as his parent.

Now I need to devise my scheme to take down the video game companies. And that’s for another day.

So I ask you.

What’s happened to creativity?

Do you still get creative in your relationships? What kinds of things do you do to get creative? Bring it on!