The Guy’s Perspective

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THE GUYS

From: One of The Guys

This is a true story from a friend of mine.

He and his wife are in couple’s counseling. Not to repair any major damage, but to keep the communication open and help them understand each other better. He calls it a proactive approach, similar to exercising and eating right instead of going to the doctor for high blood pressure and adult onset diabetes.

So they walk into the office, and the therapist has a dog in the room.

Therapist: Don’t worry he’ll just lie here. If he causes any problem I’ll remove him.

My friend and his wife: That’s fine.

So the session goes on and the dog is actually a problem. He starts chewing on an empty plastic coke bottle causing a huge ruckus. Then the dog starts whining for a while. But the final straw is when the dog starts humping the therapist’s leg. Finally he removes him.

Therapist: I’m really sorry about that. Now my reputation is going to be ruined.

My Friend and Wife: Oh it’s fine. No worries. He wasn’t that bad.

I’m laughing as he’s recounting the story to me. He said the dog was sweet, but also kind of annoying too. Then it dawned on me.

Me: That was all a ruse.

Him: What do you mean?

Me: That dog wasn’t misbehaving.

Him: What are you talking about?

Me: The dog was the therapist.

Him: What? Have you lost it.

Me: NO, seriously. The dog was the therapist.

Him: Now I’m totally confused.

Me: Isn’t it obvious?

Him: You’ve lost me.

Me: Listen. First of all, the dog plays with the coke bottle while you’re talking. What does it mean? It could mean two things. He’s telling you to stop using your wife’s stuff or maybe just listen better. Next. The dog doesn’t stop whining. Well, remember how much you bitched last week because you had to go grocery shopping a few times. Maybe you should just be more agreeable. Finally. The dog starts humping the guy’s leg. He’s telling you to slow down. You need to warm up your wife before you try to get some action. You know, a little wine, some good conversation, maybe a back rub or a foot massage.

Him: It was a dog you moron.

Me: I’m just stating the obvious.

Him: Remind me not to share any more stories with you.

Me: I’m just saying, I don’t know a lot of women that enjoy being humped in the leg.

Him: I’m outta here.

What do you think your pet is trying to tell you?

What do you wish your pet would tell your spouse or partner?

Is there something you’d like to change about your partner but have a hard time telling him or her?